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-rw-r--r-- | games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes | 3 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 | 128 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o | 20 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | games/fortune/datfiles/limerick | 56 | ||||
-rw-r--r-- | games/fortune/datfiles/murphy | 6 |
5 files changed, 0 insertions, 213 deletions
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes index 2cbd385..7fe9648 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes @@ -15529,9 +15529,6 @@ What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener. % What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. % -What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent -bagel. -% What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING! % What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer. diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 index ccbb28a..0bc03a6 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 @@ -3351,27 +3351,6 @@ and you would have seen these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads. -- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV" % - So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark]. -With a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to -maneuver the shark, over the course of about a half-hour, to a sort of -corner of the lagoon, so that it had no way to escape other than to -flop up onto the land and evolve. Richard and I were inching toward -it, sort of crouched over, when all of a sudden it turned around and -- -I can still remember the sensation I felt at that moment, primarily in -the armpit area -- headed right straight toward us. - Many people would have panicked at this point. But Richard and -I were not "many people." We were experienced waders, and we kept our -heads. We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when you're -unarmed and a shark that is nearly two feet long turns on you in water -up to your lower calves: We sprinted I would say 600 yards in the -opposite direction, using a sprinting style such that the bottoms of -our feet never once went below the surface of the water. We ran all -the way to the far shore, and if we had been in a Warner Brothers -cartoon we would have run right INTO the beach, and you would have seen -these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked -into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads. - -- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV" -% Some 1500 miles west of the Big Apple we find the Minneapple, a haven of tranquility in troubled times. It's a good town, a civilized town. A town where they still know how to get your shirts back by Thursday. Let @@ -8025,26 +8004,14 @@ A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows. -- Chamfort % -A woman is like your shadow; follow her, -she flies; fly from her, she follows. - -- Chamfort -% A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. -- Nietzsche % -A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to -endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. - -- Nietzsche -% A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing -- tender, sweet, and stupid. -- Adolf Hitler % -A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive -little thing -- tender, sweet, and stupid. - -- Adolf Hitler -% A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times over for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door. @@ -9410,11 +9377,6 @@ Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax. -- David Letterman % -An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to -New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but -not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax. - -- David Letterman -% An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths. -- Karl Kraus @@ -9907,13 +9869,6 @@ face, we have politics. -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and Ground Cover" % -And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have -a sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks -tragedy, and this too is historic. And yet, still, when corn meets -tragedy face to face, we have politics. - -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, - "Root Crops and Ground Cover" -% And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel, because the bars close every time you're thirsty... % @@ -14737,9 +14692,6 @@ Documentation: Documentation is the castor oil of programming. Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much. % -Documentation is the castor oil of programming. -Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much. -% Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted? Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student? Does a good father allow a single child to starve? @@ -14784,9 +14736,6 @@ I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love. Don't be humble, you're not that great. -- Golda Meir % -Don't be humble, you're not that great. - -- Golda Meir -% Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you cannot be promoted. % @@ -15228,9 +15177,6 @@ production of great leaders has been discontinued. Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate and captain of your soul. % -Due to circumstances beyond your control, -you are master of your fate and captain of your soul. -% Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence. % During almost fifteen centuries the legal establishment of Christianity has @@ -16240,10 +16186,6 @@ Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. -- W. Somerset Maugham % -Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents -moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. - -- W. Somerset Maugham -% Excessive login messages is a sure sign of senility. % Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last. @@ -18812,9 +18754,6 @@ Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are. Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover. % -Good night to spend with family, -but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover. -% Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. -- R. E. Schenk % @@ -23165,10 +23104,6 @@ I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright % -I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere -near the place. - -- Steven Wright -% I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, @@ -29141,9 +29076,6 @@ Let's do it. % Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again. % -Let's just be friends and make no special -effort to ever see each other again. -% Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted. In every relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive. If you really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end. @@ -29574,12 +29506,6 @@ Charlie Brown: No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get better. % -Linus: I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow. Maybe - we should think only about today. -Charlie Brown: - No, that's giving up. I'm still hoping that yesterday will get - better. -% Linus' Law: There is no heavier burden than a great potential. % @@ -29935,10 +29861,6 @@ Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Goethe % -Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the -real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - -- Goethe -% Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. -- Dr. Karl Bowman % @@ -30276,10 +30198,6 @@ Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. -- Oscar Wilde % -Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he -is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. - -- Oscar Wilde -% Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this-- no dog exchanges bones with another. -- Adam Smith @@ -32550,11 +32468,6 @@ Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much. -- Augustine % -Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they -would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect -that much. - -- Augustine -% Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent. @@ -33347,10 +33260,6 @@ Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success. Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. -- Charlie Brown % -Nothing takes the taste out of peanut -butter quite like unrequited love. - -- Charlie Brown -% Nothing that's forced can ever be right, If it doesn't come naturally, leave it. That's what she said as she turned out the light, @@ -34066,9 +33975,6 @@ and God, this is goodbye. We're moving to Hollywood." % On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT. % -On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without -a purpose, but never without a POINT. -% On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia. -- W.C. Fields' epitaph % @@ -35372,10 +35278,6 @@ People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. -- Ogden Nash % -People who have what they want are very fond of telling -people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. - -- Ogden Nash -% People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything. % People who push both buttons should get their wish. @@ -35391,9 +35293,6 @@ greatly annoy those of us who do. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. % -People will accept your ideas much more readily if -you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. -% People will buy anything that's one to a customer. % People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues. @@ -39387,15 +39286,6 @@ the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots. -- Samuel Foote % -So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; -and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head -into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently -married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand -Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all -fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran -out at the heels of their boots. - -- Samuel Foote -% So so is good, very good, very excellent good: and yet it is not; it is but so so. -- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It" @@ -40689,10 +40579,6 @@ TAXES: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension. % -TAXES: - Of life's two certainties, the only one for - which you can get an extension. -% Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed. % TCP/IP Slang Glossary, #1: @@ -46778,9 +46664,6 @@ pigmentation of their skin. They happen to be colored. There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence. % -There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. -Too bad it's not a fence. -% There's a lesson that I need to remember When everything is falling apart In life, just like in loving @@ -46848,11 +46731,6 @@ don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it didn't do anything to me. -- John Wayne % -There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you. -I really don't know that much about it. I tried it once but it -didn't do anything to me. - -- John Wayne -% There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go. % There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state. @@ -48625,9 +48503,6 @@ Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you. Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly. % -Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for -which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly. -% Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth. -- Alan Watts % @@ -50722,9 +50597,6 @@ What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature? What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps? % -What good is having someone who can walk -on water if you don't follow in his footsteps? -% What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry? -- Ashleigh Brilliant % diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o index 59958d5..05bfa4e 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o @@ -1072,20 +1072,6 @@ know how thick... into my... Just a minute." "What's the matter, mister?" "Listen, I have to hang up now, he's getting out of the shower." % - Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled -with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John -Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't -define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. So for a while, the -court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to -Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over. "Nope, this isn't -it," he'd say. "Bring some more." This went on until one morning when -his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an -enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a -ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except -that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about -it because the court was going to take a nap. - -- Dave Barry, "Pornography" -% "How'd you get that flat?" "Ran over a bottle." "Didn't you see it?" @@ -5946,12 +5932,6 @@ That failed; he gave Lava a trial. For contagious V.D. Is the wonder drug sulfa-denial. % -For the sores on his prick he used Dial. -That failed; he gave Lava a trial. - But the one remedy - For contagious V.D. -Is the wonder drug sulfa-denial. -% "For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe, "You have told me my bosom is snowy; You have made much fine verse on diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick index 83e58bd..c30fa86 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick @@ -435,12 +435,6 @@ Was said to be great in the sack. Put girls in a coma And two gave them epileptic attacks. % -A graduate student named Zac -Was said to be great in the sack. - An inch of his boner - Put girls in a coma -And two gave them epileptic attacks. -% A greedy young lady from Sidney Liked it in up to her kidney, Till a man from Quebec @@ -949,12 +943,6 @@ Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill. A pretty young lady named Vogel Once sat herself down on a molehill. A curious mole - Nosed into her hole -- -Ms. Vogel's okay, but the mole's ill. -% -A pretty young lady named Vogel -Once sat herself down on a molehill. - A curious mole Nosed into her hole- Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill. % @@ -1261,13 +1249,6 @@ She used it for many a bunt. It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, To get the thing out of her cunt. % -A water pipe suited miss Hunt; -She used it for many a bunt. - But the unlucky wench - Got it caught in her trench --- -It took twenty-two men and a big Stillson wrench, -To get the thing out of her cunt. -% A weary old lecher named Blott Took a luscious young blond to his yacht. Too lazy to rape her, @@ -1917,13 +1898,6 @@ You must keep her in close quarantine, Disorderly, drunk, and obscene. -- Morris Bishop % -The limerick is furtive and mean; -You must keep her in close quarantine, - Or she sneaks to the slums - And promptly becomes -Disorderly, drunk, and obscene. - -- Morris Bishop -% The old archeologist, Throstle, Discovered a marvelous fossil. He knew from its bend @@ -2590,12 +2564,6 @@ And you may think it odd when I say, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a 'k'. % -There was a gay countess of Bray, -And you may think it odd when I say, - That in spite of high station, - Rank and education, -She always spelled cunt with a 'k'. -% There was a gay dog from Ontario Who fancied himself a Lothario. At a wench's glance @@ -3921,12 +3889,6 @@ This passing parade did amaze her. There was a young lady of Gaza Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor. The crabs, in a lump, - Made tracks to her rump - -This passing parade did amaze her. -% -There was a young lady of Gaza -Who shaved her cunt bare with a razor. - The crabs, in a lump, Made tracks to her rump-- This passing parade did amaze her. % @@ -4044,12 +4006,6 @@ The cheeks of her ass were so fat Whenever she farted, And also whenever she shat. % -There was a young lass from Surat. -The cheeks of her ass were so fat - That they had to be parted - Whenever she farted, -And also whenever she shat. -% There was a young laundress named Wrangle Whose tits tilted up at an angle. "They may tickle my chin," @@ -4969,18 +4925,6 @@ Whose prick was remarkably short. The old woman said, "That isn't a prick; it's a wart!" % -There was an old man of the port -Whose prick was remarkably short. - When he got into bed, - The old woman said, -"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!" -% -There was an old man of the port -Whose prick was remarkably short. - When he got into bed, - The old woman said, -"That isn't a prick; it's a wart!" -% There was an old man who said, "Tush! My balls always hang in the brush, And I fumble about, diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy index a7dd3a9..ad7dbfd 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy @@ -1702,9 +1702,6 @@ Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom. % -Never leave hold of what you've got until you've -got hold of something else. -% A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition. % @@ -2026,9 +2023,6 @@ Superiority is recessive. % Forgive and remember. % -Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral -or fattening. -% Anything good in life either causes cancer in laboratory mice or is taxed beyond reality. % |