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1 files changed, 134 insertions, 134 deletions
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 index 847084f..3122a4b 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 @@ -5068,8 +5068,8 @@ An alert IBMer finally noticed that the problem was in the terminal's keyboard: the tops of two keys were switched. When the programmer was seated he was a touch typist and the problem went unnoticed, but when he stood he was led astray by hunting and pecking. - -- from the Programming Pearls column, - by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985 + -- from the Programming Pearls column, + by Jon Bentley in CACM February 1985 % ... Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have @@ -5185,8 +5185,8 @@ incalculable ... sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all. In other words... their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws. - -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products - of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. + -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, on the products + of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. % ... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great @@ -6072,7 +6072,7 @@ A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil. % A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - -- Mitch Ratcliffe + -- Mitch Ratcliffe % A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling the president one of the latest talking computers. @@ -6524,7 +6524,7 @@ to take it all away. % A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. - -- Barry Goldwater + -- Barry Goldwater % A grammarian's life is always intense. % @@ -6585,7 +6585,7 @@ a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use? - -- Paul Harvey + -- Paul Harvey % A Hen Brooding Kittens A friend informs us that he saw at the Novato ranch, Marin county, @@ -6689,7 +6689,7 @@ W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while X is, well, X, of dubious fame. Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and Z is for zcat, which handles compression. - -- THE ABC'S OF UNIX + -- THE ABC'S OF UNIX % A joint is just tea for two. % @@ -7562,7 +7562,7 @@ getting more sex than you are. % A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness. - -- Aristotle + -- Aristotle % A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks you for nothing. @@ -8847,8 +8847,8 @@ Air is water with holes in it. Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose. % Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, - Ecole Superieure de Guerre + -- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, + Ecole Superieure de Guerre % Al didn't smile for forty years. You've got to admire a man like that. -- from "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" @@ -8908,7 +8908,7 @@ in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone. % Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. -- Philippe Schnoebelen @@ -9421,7 +9421,7 @@ AMOEBIT: and divide at the same time. % Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman. - -- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407. + -- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407. % Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. % @@ -10728,7 +10728,7 @@ suprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind. % As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % As I thought, no better from this side. -- Eeyore @@ -11295,7 +11295,7 @@ Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. -- Will Rogers % Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? @@ -11627,7 +11627,7 @@ history. For example, New England's first colonists decided to drop anchor at Plymouth Rock instead of continuing on to Virginia because, as one of them put it, "We could not now take time for further consideration, our victuals being spent and especially our beer." - -- Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual + -- Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual % Best Mistakes In Films In his "Filgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists @@ -12332,7 +12332,7 @@ The best laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft a-gley, An' lea'e us nought but grief and pain For promised joy. - -- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse", 1785 + -- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse", 1785 % But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch! % @@ -13336,7 +13336,7 @@ Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. % Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - -- Descartes, 1637 + -- Descartes, 1637 % Commoner's three laws of ecology: 1) No action is without side-effects. @@ -13831,7 +13831,7 @@ Cynic, n: % Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % DALLAS: The city that chose Astroturf to @@ -14335,7 +14335,7 @@ It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. -- H.L. Mencken % Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them. - -- Arman de Caillavet, 1913 + -- Arman de Caillavet, 1913 % Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. @@ -14343,7 +14343,7 @@ of the people are right more than half of the time. % Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 + -- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 % Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. @@ -15070,7 +15070,7 @@ Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out alive. % Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. - -- Winston Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. % @@ -16168,7 +16168,7 @@ And everybody knows it's now or never. Everybody knows that it's me or you. And everybody knows that you live forever when you've done a line or two. Everybody knows the deal is rotten: Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton for you ribbons and bows. And everybody knows. - -- Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows" + -- Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows" % Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. -- Arthur Miller @@ -16269,7 +16269,7 @@ obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. - -- R. Buckminster Fuller + -- R. Buckminster Fuller % Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no @@ -16645,7 +16645,7 @@ Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend. - -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot" + -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot" % Fellow programmer, greetings! You are reading a letter which will bring you luck and good fortune. Just mail (or UUCP) ten copies of this letter @@ -18548,7 +18548,7 @@ rather lie around. No contest. % Giving money and power to governments is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden: Languages whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful. The LISP machine now permits @@ -18982,7 +18982,7 @@ Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish. Don't overdo it. Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he @@ -20276,7 +20276,7 @@ The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad satiric vistas do not open up. - -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle + -- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle % HERE LIES LESTER MOORE SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44 @@ -20857,7 +20857,7 @@ indecent and still, to speak to her without habit. This I have done with my life, and am content. I wish I could tell you how it is in that dark, standing in the huge singing and the alien world. - -- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell" + -- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell" % How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? -- Elliot, "E.T." @@ -21202,7 +21202,7 @@ can't help it. I was born sneering. -- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado" % I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy. - -- Yul Brynner, 1956 + -- Yul Brynner, 1956 % I am looking for a honest man. -- Diogenes the Cynic @@ -21595,7 +21595,7 @@ Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % I don't care what star you're following, get that camel off my front lawn! -- Heard in Bethlehem @@ -22276,7 +22276,7 @@ I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do? % I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke. I think I saw God. - -- B. Hathrume Duk + -- B. Hathrume Duk % I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels]. He wants me to appear as a character witness for him at his murder trial @@ -22664,7 +22664,7 @@ I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright % I put instant coffee in a microwave, and almost went back in time. - -- Stephen Wright + -- Stephen Wright % I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time. -- Stephen Wright @@ -22796,7 +22796,7 @@ and ran on. -- Stephen Crane % I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. - -- Stephen Wright + -- Stephen Wright % I saw Lassie. It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that @@ -22815,12 +22815,12 @@ There's a bad moon on the rise. % I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % I sent a letter to the fish, I said it very loud and clear, I told them, "This is what I wish." I went and shouted in his ear. @@ -22897,7 +22897,7 @@ ability. -- Oscar Wilde % I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - -- Stephen Wright + -- Stephen Wright % I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. -- Stephen Wright @@ -23453,7 +23453,7 @@ Years later, I went back to the same hotel. I noticed the room keys had been replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors. There was a computer in every doorknob. - -- Danny Hillis + -- Danny Hillis % I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career @@ -23510,7 +23510,7 @@ one every day. % I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away. @@ -23545,7 +23545,7 @@ I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles." -- Bastian B. Bux % I wonder what the leash and collar set does for excitement? - -- Tramp, Lady and the Tramp + -- Tramp, Lady and the Tramp % I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" @@ -23720,7 +23720,7 @@ I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member. % I'd probably settle for a vampire if he were romantic enough. Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had. - -- Brenda Starr + -- Brenda Starr % I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan. % @@ -23890,7 +23890,7 @@ that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. - -- Rob Stampfli + -- Rob Stampfli % If all be true that I do think, There be five reasons why one should drink; @@ -24569,7 +24569,7 @@ the use of the mathematics of probability. % If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? - -- Bette Midler + -- Bette Midler % If she had not been cupric in her ions, Her shape ovoidal, @@ -24635,7 +24635,7 @@ feature, that. -- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990. % If the ends don't justify the means, then what does? - -- Robert Moses + -- Robert Moses % If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. @@ -24829,7 +24829,7 @@ If we won't stand together, we don't stand a chance. % If what they've been doing hasn't solved the problem, tell them to do something else. - -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" + -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" % If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary @@ -24887,7 +24887,7 @@ words. If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. - -- Fran Lebowitz + -- Fran Lebowitz % If you are over 80 years old and accompanied by your parents, we will cash your check. @@ -25053,7 +25053,7 @@ so as not to disturb those around you. If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % If you had better tools, you could more effectively demonstrate your total incompetence. @@ -25180,7 +25180,7 @@ immediately to the best of your ability. % If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. @@ -25456,7 +25456,7 @@ piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw. % If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you. @@ -25492,7 +25492,7 @@ If you're worried by earthquakes and nuclear war, As well as by traffic and crime, Consider how worry-free gophers are, Though living on burrowed time. - -- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83 + -- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83 % If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe. @@ -26054,7 +26054,7 @@ In charity there is no excess. In childhood a woman must be subject to her father; in youth to her husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons. A woman must never be free of subjugation. - -- The Hindu Code of Manu + -- The Hindu Code of Manu % In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter. % @@ -26687,7 +26687,7 @@ Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better. -- Edgar W. Howe @@ -26780,7 +26780,7 @@ IOT trap -- core dumped IOT trap -- mos dumped % Iowa State -- the high school after high school! - -- Crow T. Robot + -- Crow T. Robot % Iowans ask why Minnesotans don't drink more Kool-Aid. That's because they can't figure out how to get two quarts of water into one of those @@ -26906,7 +26906,7 @@ invited to a social gathering. I felt the set of rules others lived by was irrelevant. My childhood attitude -- every attempt to adjust is hopeless and you might just as well follow your own attitudes -- must have carried me. - -- Hannah Tillich, "From Time to Time" + -- Hannah Tillich, "From Time to Time" % It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations. % @@ -27459,8 +27459,8 @@ straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity. But it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you. % It is up to us to produce better-quality movies. - -- Lloyd Kaufman, - producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" + -- Lloyd Kaufman, + producer of "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" % It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression. @@ -27567,8 +27567,8 @@ It seems appropriate to me that Mapplethorpe's perverse images should be situated so close to Congress, which perpetuates a number of unnatural acts upon the body politic every day, without benefit of artificial lubrication or foreplay. - -- Pat Calafia's review of Camille Paglia's - "Sex, Art and American Culture" + -- Pat Calafia's review of Camille Paglia's + "Sex, Art and American Culture" % It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong. -- Chris Torek @@ -27583,7 +27583,7 @@ to love with authority. Women are simple souls who like simple things, and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give. ... Our family airedale will come clear across the yard for one pat on the head. The average wife is like that. - -- Episcopal Bishop James Pike + -- Episcopal Bishop James Pike % It takes a smart husband to have the last word and not use it. % @@ -28197,8 +28197,8 @@ because nothing's well done. It was discovered, I suppose you've heard, by a man named Fulton Berle, and it has already revolutionized social grace by cutting down parlour conversation to two sentences: "What's on television?" and "Good night". - -- Goodman Ace, letter to Groucho Marx, in The Groucho - Letters, 1967 + -- Goodman Ace, letter to Groucho Marx, in The Groucho + Letters, 1967 % Japan, n: A fictional place where elves, gnomes and economic imperialists @@ -28892,7 +28892,7 @@ candy, and said: "Pardon me Choy, is that the Shadow's nugate you chew?" % Language is a virus from another planet. - -- William Burroughs + -- William Burroughs % Lank: Here we go. We're about to set a new record. Earl: (to the crowd) How about a date? @@ -29222,7 +29222,7 @@ while the night is laid out against the sky like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie. "Nice poem Tom. I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?" - -- Ezra + -- Ezra % Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats @@ -29344,7 +29344,7 @@ trouble. Conservatives are better. They never run out on you. -- Joseph "Crazy Joe" Gallo % Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22) Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your desire @@ -29548,7 +29548,7 @@ Life without caffeine is stimulating enough. -- Sanka Ad % Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code. - -- Dave Olson + -- Dave Olson % Life would be tolerable but for its amusements. -- G.B. Shaw @@ -30854,7 +30854,7 @@ The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. % Masturbation is the thinking man's television. - -- Christopher Hampton + -- Christopher Hampton % Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it! -- Monty Python @@ -31112,7 +31112,7 @@ of tires. -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide" % Men are superior to women. - -- The Koran + -- The Koran % Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands. -- Jayne Mansfield @@ -31318,7 +31318,7 @@ MIPS: Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed % Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images. - -- Jean Cocteau + -- Jean Cocteau % Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. % @@ -31480,7 +31480,7 @@ Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life. % Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two things we have. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship. % @@ -32601,7 +32601,7 @@ Never trust anyone who says money is no object. % Never try to explain computers to a layman. It's easier to explain sex to a virgin. - -- Robert Heinlein + -- Robert Heinlein (Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.) % @@ -32671,7 +32671,7 @@ Newman's Discovery: % Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then print the chaff. - -- Adlai Stevenson + -- Adlai Stevenson % NEWS FLASH!! Today the East German pole-vault champion @@ -32875,7 +32875,7 @@ no maintenance: % No man can have a reasonable opinion of women until he has long lost interest in hair restorers. - -- Austin O'Malley + -- Austin O'Malley % No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. @@ -33399,7 +33399,7 @@ I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year. -- Professor, Harvard, on a senior thesis. % Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad. - -- Rob Pike + -- Rob Pike % Not that we needed all that stuff, but when you get locked into a serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can. @@ -33704,7 +33704,7 @@ were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST... % Now there's a violent movie titled, "The Croquet Homicide," or "Murder With Mallets Aforethought." - -- Shelby Friedman, WSJ. + -- Shelby Friedman, WSJ. % Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: you can win or you can lose or it can rain. @@ -34257,7 +34257,7 @@ what it does. On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's. Stopping hurriedly on the side of @@ -34660,7 +34660,7 @@ and end up with the atomic bomb. -- Marcel Pagnol % One hundred women are not worth a single testicle. - -- Confucius + -- Confucius % One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious. -- Chateaubriand (1768-1848) @@ -35566,7 +35566,7 @@ if they have anything else to amuse them. -- S. Johnson % People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war, or before an election. @@ -36086,7 +36086,7 @@ funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other. Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics. - -- Albert Camus + -- Albert Camus % Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once. @@ -36105,7 +36105,7 @@ between the disastrous and the unpalatable. % Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - -- Ronald Reagan + -- Ronald Reagan % Politics is the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to @@ -37545,11 +37545,11 @@ I haven't come far enough and don't call me baby. QOTD: I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down, then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble'. - -- Davey Allison, on a 150 m.p.h. crash + -- Davey Allison, on a 150 m.p.h. crash % QOTD: "I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking ..." - -- Kathy Ireland + -- Kathy Ireland % QOTD: "It wouldn't have been anything, even if it were gonna be a thing." @@ -37806,7 +37806,7 @@ Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs. Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction. % Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. - -- Lily Tomlin + -- Lily Tomlin % Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled. @@ -39117,7 +39117,7 @@ the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours after use. In 1924 the New York Board of Health considered banning lipstick, not because it was hazardous to the wearers but because of "the worry that it might poison the men who kissed the women who wore it." - -- David Bodanis, "The Secret House" + -- David Bodanis, "The Secret House" % She asked me, "What's your sign?" I blinked and answered "Neon," @@ -39147,8 +39147,8 @@ She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. She just came in, pounced around this thing with me for a few years, enjoyed herself, gave it a sort of beautiful quality and left. Excited a few men in the meantime. - -- Patrick Macnee, reminiscing on Diana Rigg's - involvement in "The Avengers". + -- Patrick Macnee, reminiscing on Diana Rigg's + involvement in "The Avengers". % She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could have poured on a waffle. @@ -39649,9 +39649,9 @@ on your mouth as you got me into this. - -- "To Linda", from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, - composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio. - From SPY Magazine, November 1992 + -- "To Linda", from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, + composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public + Radio. From SPY Magazine, November 1992 % So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into @@ -39884,7 +39884,7 @@ Some parts of the past must be preserved, and some of the future prevented at all costs. % Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths. - -- Stephen Wright + -- Stephen Wright % Some people around here wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head. @@ -40585,7 +40585,7 @@ when the greatest warriors are the ones who stand for peace. % Such efforts are almost always slow, laborious, political, petty, boring, ponderous, thankless, and of the utmost criticality. - -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts + -- Leonard Kleinrock, on standards efforts % Such evil deeds could religion prompt. -- Titus Lucretius Carus @@ -41043,7 +41043,7 @@ Television -- the longest amateur night in history. -- Robert Carson % Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs. - -- Alfred Hitchcock + -- Alfred Hitchcock % Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. @@ -41735,7 +41735,7 @@ of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists." The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch. % The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives. - -- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project + -- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project % The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and @@ -42317,8 +42317,8 @@ Western country, insufficient knowledge of Communist literature, and others. % [The ERA] encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. - -- Pat Robertson, Man of God and serious Republican - presidential aspirant. + -- Pat Robertson, Man of God and serious Republican + presidential aspirant. % The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is @@ -42365,7 +42365,7 @@ a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible. % The fact that hitler was a politcal genius unmasks the nature of politics in general as no other can. - -- Wilhelm Reich + -- Wilhelm Reich % The fact that it works is immaterial. -- L. Ogborn @@ -43234,7 +43234,7 @@ The IBM purchase of ROLM gives new meaning to the term "twisted pair". The idea that an arbitrary naive human should be able to properly use a given tool without training or understanding is even more wrong for computing than it is for other tools (e.g. automobiles, airplanes, guns, power saws). - -- Doug Gwyn + -- Doug Gwyn % The ideal voice for radio may be defined as showing no substance, no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife. @@ -43251,7 +43251,7 @@ The idle mind knows not what it is it wants. -- Quintus Ennius % The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. - -- Henry Kissinger + -- Henry Kissinger % The Illiterati Programus Canto 1: A program is a lot like a nose: @@ -43263,7 +43263,7 @@ The important thing to remember about walking on eggs is not to hop. % The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly @@ -44155,7 +44155,7 @@ The nearer to the church, the further from God. The net is like a vast sea of lutefisk with tiny dinosaur brains embedded in it here and there. Any given spoonful will likely have an IQ of 1, but occasional spoonfuls may have an IQ more than six times that! - -- James 'Kibo' Parry + -- James 'Kibo' Parry % The net of law is spread so wide, No sinner from its sweep may hide. @@ -44227,7 +44227,7 @@ The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice. % The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. - -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972 + -- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972 % The NY Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National Enquirer @@ -44817,8 +44817,8 @@ sense of womanly feeling and propriety. Lady-- ought to get a good whipping. It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot contain herself. God created men and women different -- then let them remain each in their own position. - -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from - Queen Victoria + -- Letter to Sir Theodore Martin, 29 May 1870, from + Queen Victoria % The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim. @@ -44935,7 +44935,7 @@ taken seriously. % The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. - -- Hubert Humphrey + -- Hubert Humphrey % The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom. -- Justice Douglas @@ -45181,7 +45181,7 @@ The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money. -- Ed Bluestone, The National Lampoon % The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money. - -- Ed Bluestone + -- Ed Bluestone % The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. % @@ -45925,7 +45925,7 @@ up a tree. They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty. So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea. Driving off later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it. - -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" + -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" % THE WORST BANK ROBBERY @@ -45967,7 +45967,7 @@ THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. - -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" + -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" % The worst is enemy of the bad. % @@ -46714,7 +46714,7 @@ No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth. % There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - -- Jean Giradoux + -- Jean Giradoux % "There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries @@ -46742,7 +46742,7 @@ There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.' - -- Michael Lara + -- Michael Lara % There is no education that is not political. An apolitical education is also political because it is purposely isolating. @@ -46836,7 +46836,7 @@ There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and family. But he can't make a living for them *and* his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % There is not much to choose between a woman who deceives us for another, and a woman who deceives another for ourselves. @@ -47384,7 +47384,7 @@ then we take Berlin. I'd really like to live beside you, baby. I love your body and your spirit and your clothes. But you see that line there moving throug the station? I told you I told you I told you I was one of those. - -- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan" + -- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan" % They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. @@ -47630,7 +47630,7 @@ This is NOT a repeat. This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers. The spark-gap is mightier than the pen. Democracy will not be salvaged by men who talk fluently, debate forcefully and quote aptly. - -- Lancelot Hogben, Science for the Citizen, 1938 + -- Lancelot Hogben, Science for the Citizen, 1938 % This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not BICKER and ARGUE over who killed who! @@ -48195,27 +48195,27 @@ Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die. To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and stopping at red lights are both optional. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a Californian, all New Yorkers are cold; even in heat they rarely go above fifty-eight degrees. If you collapse on a street in New York, plan to spend a few days there. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a Californian, the basic difference between the people and the pigeons in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a New Yorker, all Californians are blond, even the blacks. There are, in fact, whole neighborhoods that are zoned only for blond people. The only way to tell the difference between California and Sweden is that the Swedes speak better English." - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To a New Yorker, the only California houses on the market for less than a million dollars are those on fire. These generally go for six hundred thousand. - -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts + -- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts % To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither @@ -49428,7 +49428,7 @@ unix soit qui mal y pense % UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things. - -- Doug Gwyn + -- Doug Gwyn % Unix will self-destruct in five seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1... % @@ -49885,7 +49885,7 @@ WE: % We all agree on the necessity of compromise. We just can't agree on when it's necessary to compromise. - -- Larry Wall + -- Larry Wall % We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. @@ -49939,11 +49939,11 @@ We are confronted with unsurmountable opportunities. -- Pogo % We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge. - -- John Naisbitt, Megatrends + -- John Naisbitt, Megatrends % We are each entitled to our own opinion, but no one is entitled to his own facts. - -- Patrick Moynihan + -- Patrick Moynihan % We are each only one drop in a great ocean -- but some of the drops sparkle! @@ -50059,7 +50059,7 @@ We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish. % We don't know who it was that discovered water, but we're pretty sure that it wasn't a fish. - -- Marshall McLuhan + -- Marshall McLuhan % We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out. -- Decca Recording Company, turning down the Beatles, 1962 @@ -50202,7 +50202,7 @@ feet were partly of iron, and partly of clay. -- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764 % We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves. - -- Eric Hoffer + -- Eric Hoffer % We love our little Johnny He's the best little boy in all the world @@ -50537,7 +50537,7 @@ was a great idea," said the manager. Then he paused and asked the killer question, "NOW what's the least popular vegetable?" Law: Once you eliminate your #1 problem, #2 gets a promotion. - -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" + -- Gerald Weinberg, "The Secrets of Consulting" % Weinberg's First Law: Progress is only made on alternate Fridays. @@ -50828,9 +50828,9 @@ interests. It's like a grain of sand. - -- "Alliance Airport, from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, - recited on ABC's Town Meeting, June 29, 1992. - From SPY Magazine, November 1992 + -- "Alliance Airport, from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot, + recited on ABC's Town Meeting, June 29, 1992. + From SPY Magazine, November 1992 % We're all in this alone. -- Lily Tomlin @@ -50939,7 +50939,7 @@ Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them! % What a misfortune to be a woman! And yet, the worst misfortune is not to understand what a misfortune it is. - -- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855. + -- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855. % What a strange game. The only winning move is not to play. -- WOP, "War Games" @@ -51539,7 +51539,7 @@ What's so funny? % What's the matter with the world? Why, there ain't but one thing wrong with every one of us - and that's "selfishness." - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % What's the ugliest part of your body? What's the ugliest part of your body? @@ -51643,7 +51643,7 @@ death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your story; forget Mother Teresa. Second, even if you lose, how much could the bum's life be worth anyway? A Lot less than 50 years worth of paralysis. Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein. Finish the job. - -- G. Gordon Liddy's Forbes column on personal security + -- G. Gordon Liddy's Forbes column on personal security % When Alexander Graham Bell died in 1922, the telephone people interrupted service for one minute in his honor. They've been @@ -51836,7 +51836,7 @@ I was an only child... eventually. When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard. I was an only child... eventually. @@ -52546,7 +52546,7 @@ a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. - -- Jack Handey + -- Jack Handey % Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde @@ -52988,7 +52988,7 @@ We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it, howling like a pet coon. This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler. - -- The Best of Will Rogers + -- The Best of Will Rogers % Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle? -- Alan Shepherd, the first man into space, Gemini program @@ -54331,7 +54331,7 @@ You auto buy now. % "You boys lookin' for trouble?" "Sure. Whaddya got?" - -- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones" + -- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones" % You buttered your bread, now lie in it! % @@ -55188,7 +55188,7 @@ your love could drag on for years and years. % You want to know why I kept getting promoted? Because my mouth knows more than my brain. - -- W.G. + -- W. G. % You will always find something in the last place you look. % |
