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-rw-r--r--games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2796
1 files changed, 398 insertions, 398 deletions
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
index 20cce22b..7f5597a 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2
@@ -105,10 +105,10 @@ either. If you need some help, give us a call.
_--~~~#####// ' ` \\#####~~~--_
-~##########// ( ) \\##########~-_
-############// |\^^/| \\############-
- _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
- ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
+ _~############// (O||O) \\############~_
+ ~#############(( \\// ))#############~
-###############\\ (oo) //###############-
- -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
+ -#################\\ / `' \ //#################-
-###################\\/ () \//###################-
_#/|##########/\######( (()) )######/\##########|\#_
|/ |#/\#/\#/\/ \#/\##| \()/ |##/\#/ \/\#/\#/\#| \|
@@ -300,10 +300,10 @@ steel industries.
And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
cold diskdrives hardware monitors
-user-hostile software
+user-hostile software
-of course they're only bits and bytes
-and characters and strings
+of course they're only bits and bytes
+and characters and strings
and files
just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend
@@ -376,15 +376,15 @@ Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are four
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition. The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort. All for $795. It's inevitable.
-If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
+If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble. One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
-to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
-for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
+to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In fact, detachable magazines
+for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks. What about the new 16-bit
-computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
-they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
+computers, like the Lisa and Fortune? Even with the Winchester backup,
+they're no match for the Uzi. One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means. Make your commanding officer proud. Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
-- "InfoWorld", June, 1984
@@ -590,15 +590,15 @@ the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into the
toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
%
- A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
+ A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about
whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they
got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The
medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's
rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
- The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
-itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
+ The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden
+itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that the Garden
and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
- The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
+ The computer scientist, who'd listened carefully to all of this, then
commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
%
A farm in the country side had several turkeys, it was known as the
@@ -653,19 +653,19 @@ hand. I held firmly with my left hand and slid my right hand up the body of
the snake. When I reached the head of the snake I flicked my right thumb down
to break the snake's spine... did you ever goose a tiger?"
%
- A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved
-dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
+ A guy returns from a long trip to Europe, having left his beloved
+dog in his brother's care. The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
brother and inquires after his pet.
"Your dog's dead," replies his brother bluntly.
- The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
-he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
-of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got
-outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a
+ The guy is devastated. "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
+he moaned into the phone. "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
+of breaking the news? Couldn't you have said, `Well, you know, the dog got
+outside one day, and was crossing the street, and a car was speeding around a
corner...' or something...? Why are you always so thoughtless?"
"Look, I'm sorry," said his brother, "I guess I just didn't think."
"Okay, okay, let's just put it behind us. How are you anyway?
How's Mom?"
- His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
+ His brother is silent a moment. "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
outside one day..."
%
A guy walks into a pub and asks: "Does anyone here own a Doberman?
@@ -724,7 +724,7 @@ German, can knit and can curse in Latin.
told, "that one is 150,000."
"Why, what can it do?" he asks.
"Well," says the shopkeeper, "to tell you the truth, he doesn't
-do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary."
+do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary."
-- being told in Poland, 1987
%
A man from AI walked across the mountains to SAIL to see the Master,
@@ -1063,7 +1063,7 @@ only to receive the following notice: "We must report that during the handling
of your twelve 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an
unusual laboratory experience." The use of the passive is a particularly nice
touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad
-experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
+experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
pictures all over again, using the twelve replacement rolls Kodak so generously
sent him.
-- Quarterly Review of Doublespeak (NCTE)
@@ -1130,7 +1130,7 @@ this marriage and I would want to be this happy again."
The wife asked, "Would you give your new wife my car?"
"Yes," he replied. "That's a good car and it runs well."
"Well, would you live in this house?"
- "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
+ "Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
I've always loved it here."
"Well, would you give her my golf clubs?"
"No."
@@ -1139,8 +1139,8 @@ I've always loved it here."
%
A women was in love with fourteen soldiers, it was clearly platoonic.
%
- A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
-to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
+ A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
+to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the
sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
"Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job.
Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"
@@ -1205,7 +1205,7 @@ realize the full significance of Pharoah's oxhide!"
Feghoot!"
%
After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
-earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
+earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
name for my baby."
@@ -1315,7 +1315,7 @@ and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the Queen",
while plunging the knife into his heart.
The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
-"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
+"Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!"
%
@@ -1550,7 +1550,7 @@ CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
Nov 9 Korean War Amputees
Nov 15 VA Hospital Polio Patients
%
- "Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
+ "Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"
%
"Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are
@@ -1574,7 +1574,7 @@ white electric blanket? I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.
Thanks, Kathy. (front desk, x17)
-p.s. Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
+p.s. Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
Or is Vaseline better?
%
"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
@@ -1619,9 +1619,9 @@ man commented, "Sounds to me like a practical choker."
It's the theory of Jess Birnbaum, of Time magazine, that women with
bad legs should stick to long skirts because they cover a multitude of shins.
%
- During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were
-blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face
-country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost
+ During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were
+blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-face
+country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost
hit my wife."
"Did I?" cried one hunter, aghast. "Terribly sorry. Have a shot
at mine, over there."
@@ -1730,9 +1730,9 @@ his honeymoon a chastened man. He'd become aware of the will of the wisp.
little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to
save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
%
- Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
-engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
-was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
+ Friends were surprised, indeed, when Frank and Jennifer broke their
+engagement, but Frank had a ready explanation: "Would you marry someone who
+was habitually unfaithful, who lied at every turn, who was selfish and lazy
and sarcastic?"
"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."
@@ -1744,8 +1744,8 @@ extracurricular activity except you."
%
"Gentlemen of the jury," said the defense attorney, now beginning
to warm to his summation, "the real question here before you is, shall this
-beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
-dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
+beautiful young woman be forced to languish away her loveliest years in a
+dark prison cell? Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"
%
@@ -1816,7 +1816,7 @@ for it is complete within itself. It exists beyond space and time."
Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
+ Harry, a golfing enthusiast if there ever was one, arrived home
from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly. "You
promised me faithfully that you'd be back before six and here it is almost
@@ -1832,7 +1832,7 @@ the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have
been worse."
To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a
-situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no
+situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no
hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
"Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night,
found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
@@ -2139,7 +2139,7 @@ we'll either all go into the playoffs, or we'll all go home and play golf.
If you rap your knuckles against a window jamb or door, if you
brush your leg against a bed or desk, if you catch your foot in a curled-
up corner of a rug, or strike a toe against a desk or chair, go back and
-repeat the sequence.
+repeat the sequence.
You will find yourself surprised how far off course you were to
hit that window jamb, that door, that chair. Get back on course and do it
again. How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around
@@ -2384,7 +2384,7 @@ not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and
because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature
human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case,
-there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
+there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one
of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but
you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments
@@ -2395,7 +2395,7 @@ response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a
different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this
-person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
+person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different
religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983
@@ -2622,10 +2622,10 @@ people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son."
Laughingly I felled her with a right cross.
-- Spike Milligan
%
- Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly
+ Moving along a dimly light street, a man I know was suddenly
approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
"Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "would you be so kind as
-to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
+to help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
All I have in the world is this gun."
%
Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada
@@ -2749,18 +2749,18 @@ can't."
%
Now she speaks rapidly. "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
He shakes his head. He hasn't the faintest idea.
- "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
-"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
-born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
-program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
-stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
+ "For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
+"The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman. "You take a program,
+born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution. You nurture the
+program and guide it down the right path, building, watching it grow ever
+stronger. Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
a keystroke changed there." She sweeps her arm in a wide arc. "And other
-times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
-*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
-program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
-the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
+times you savage whole *blocks* of code, ripping out the program's very
+*essence*, then beginning anew. But always building, creating, filling the
+program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances. Watching
+the program grow stronger, patching it when it crashes, until finally it can
stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect. This is the programmer's finest
-hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
+hour!" Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
"This ... this is your canvas! your clay! Go forth and create a masterwork!"
%
Obviously the subject of death was in the air, but more as something
@@ -2816,11 +2816,11 @@ wreckage. "Why don't you look where the hell you're going!"
dusted himself off. "And why don't you just wear a wristwatch like a
normal person?"
%
- On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum
-to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
-There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning
-alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
-dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is
+ On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum
+to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
+There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning
+alive. "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
+dead yet. I can see her lips moving. Go quickly and find out what she is
saying."
The centurion saluted, and hurried out to the virgin, getting as near
the flames as he dared, and listened intently. Then he turned and ran back
@@ -2932,8 +2932,8 @@ stepped absentmindedly stepped over the sleeping lion on his way back to his
car. Immediately, 1500 policemen converged on him and arrested him for
transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
%
- Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
-through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
+ Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll
+through the woods. All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her. "Maiden," croaked the
frog, "would you do me a favor? This will be hard for you to believe, but
I was once a handsome, charming prince and then a mean, ugly old witch cast
@@ -3266,7 +3266,7 @@ Someone I need.
Sam went to his psychiatrist complaining of a hatred for elephants.
"I can't stand elephants," he explained. "I lie awake nights despising
them. The thought of an elephant fills me with loathing."
- "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do.
+ "Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do.
Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it.
That way you'll get it out of your system."
Sam immediately made arrangements for a safari hunt in Africa,
@@ -3275,13 +3275,13 @@ time getting out on the jungle trails. After they had been hunting for
several days, Sam's best friend grabbed him by the arm one morning and
yelled at him:
"Sam, Sam, Sam! Over there behind that tree there's and elephant!
-Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer
+Sam -- Get your gun -- no, no, not THAT gun -- the rifle with the longer
barrel! Now aim it! QUICK! SAM! QUICK! No! Not that way -- this way!
Be sure you don't jerk the trigger! Wait SAM! Don't let him see you! Aim
at his head!"
Sam whirled around, took aim, and killed his friend. He was put in
prison and his psychiatrist flew to Africa to visit him. "I sent you over
-here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
+here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
psychiatrist said. "Why?"
"Well," Sam replied, "there's only one thing in the world that I
hate more than elephants and that is a loudmouth know-it-all!"
@@ -3750,11 +3750,11 @@ you know where it might be?"
in the data center."
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
%
- The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
-emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
+ The Martian landed his saucer in Manhattan, and immediately upon
+emerging was approached by a panhandler. "Mister," said the man, "can I
have a quarter?"
The Martian asked, "What's a quarter?"
- The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
+ The panhandler thought a minute, brightened, then said, "You're
right! Can I have a dollar?"
%
The master programmer moves from program to program without fear. No
@@ -4060,7 +4060,7 @@ you the Widow Miffin?" a small boy asked.
they're carrying upstairs!"
%
There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
-three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
+three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
can opener.
A month later, returning, the mad scientist went to the engineer's
@@ -4150,10 +4150,10 @@ spread only for demons or for gods."
-- Gordon R. Dickson, "Soldier Ask Not"
%
"They spend years searching for their natural parents, convinced their
-parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone
+parents will be happy to see them. I mean, really, can you imagine someone
being happy to see an orphan? Nobody wants them... that's why they're orphans!"
The speaker is Anne Baker, founder and guiding force behind
-Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the
+Orphan-Off, an organization dedicated to keeping orphans confused about the
whereabouts of their natural parents. She is a woman with a mission:
"Basically, what we do is band together to exchange information
about which orphans are looking for which parents in what part of the
@@ -4165,7 +4165,7 @@ country. Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared. They
look over the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons...
yeah, they used to live here... I think they moved out about five years ago.
I think they went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.'
- "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
+ "Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue.
"It's really amazing how much these kids will put up with. Last year
we even sent one kid all the way to Australia. I mean, really. Besides, if
@@ -4290,13 +4290,13 @@ lawyers insisted. We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
attack shark at which point we relented.
-- Haven Tree Software Limited, "Interactive EasyFlow"
%
- "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile
-and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a
-trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced
-in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and
-predatory.
- The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm
-at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that,
+ "We friends, yes?" The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile
+and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a
+trace of warmth or lust or hate or any feeling the boy had experienced
+in himself or seen in another, at once cold and intense, impersonal and
+predatory.
+ The Sailor leaned forward and put a finger on the boy's inner arm
+at the elbow. He spoke in his dead junky whisper. "With veins like that,
Kid, I'd have myself a time!"
-- William Burroughs
%
@@ -4357,9 +4357,9 @@ destroying Subject-Object by becoming them.
Nakamura arose, a smile on his face and the light of laughter in his eyes.
-- Wayfarer
%
- "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40
-blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36
-blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly
+ "Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40
+blocks. Maybe just four. You could put him in the trunk for the first 36
+blocks, then haul him out and drag him the last four; that would certainly
scare the piss out of him, bumping alone the street, feeling all his skin being
ripped off..."
"He'd be a bloody mess. They might think he was just some drunk and
@@ -4471,7 +4471,7 @@ fantasies?"
"You keep it to yourself."
-- Broadcast News
%
- "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager
+ "What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty teenager
asked her mother.
"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
%
@@ -4559,7 +4559,7 @@ Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.
%
While hunting, a man saw a beautiful nude woman come running out of
-the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight,
+the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight,
three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods.
"Hey, you," yelled one of them, "did you see a woman come by here?"
"Yes," replied the hunter. "What's the trouble?"
@@ -4688,13 +4688,13 @@ and you may feel free to kick his ass."
-- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"
%
"You say there are two types of people?"
- "Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that
+ "Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that
don't."
"Wrong. There are three groups:
Those who separate people into three groups.
Those who don't separate people into groups.
Those who can't decide."
- "Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into
+ "Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into
two groups?"
"Oh. Okay, then there are four groups."
"Aren't you then separating people into four groups?"
@@ -4825,7 +4825,7 @@ man.
Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers. This
will cause all said losers to have the variable $PEOPLE-WHO-THINK-I-AM-A-LOSER
-updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
+updated in their .login file. Should you attempt to execute a job on a
machine with poor response time and a machine on your local net is currently
populated by losers, that machine will be freed up for your job through a
cold boot process.
@@ -4835,7 +4835,7 @@ cold boot process.
A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added.
The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users. The
-Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
+Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid. When the
switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O.
Please check fluid level by using the DIP stick which is located in the
back of VMI monitors. Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging
@@ -4857,22 +4857,22 @@ please communicate them by one of the following paths:
For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained
operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.*
-* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
+* Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not
responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
CAR and CDR now return extra values.
-The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
-to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
-well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
+The function CAR now returns two values. Since it has to go to the trouble
+to figure out if the object is carcdr-able anyway, we figured you might as
+well get both halves at once. For example, the following code shows how to
destructure a cons (SOME-CONS) into its two slots (THE-CAR and THE-CDR):
(MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...)
For symmetry with CAR, CDR returns a second value which is the CAR of the
-object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
+object. In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack. This should
hopefully help people who don't like using the garbage collector because
it cold boots the machine so often.
@@ -4913,16 +4913,16 @@ messages (such as IEC703, "disk error") and allows you to dequeue your job.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
-The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
+The garbage collector now works. In addition a new, experimental garbage
collection algorithm has been installed. With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17,
-(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
+(NOT the default) the old garbage collection algorithm remains in force; when
virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself. With SI:%DSK-GC-
QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled. Unlike most garbage
-collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
-than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
+collectors, the new gc starts its mark phase from the mind of the user, rather
+than from the obarray. This allows the garbage collection of significantly
more Qs. As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you
remember what SI:RDTBL-TRANS does?", and if you can't give a reasonable answer
-in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
+in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing. The variable
SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user.
%
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ========================
@@ -4947,10 +4947,10 @@ We hope this clears up the many questions we've had about it.
%
**** CONVENTION REMINDER
-No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
-Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice
-smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
-carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
+No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
+Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team. If you notice
+smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
+carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.
%
**** GROWTH CENTER REPAIR SERVICE
@@ -5027,7 +5027,7 @@ that he didn't force you down on the asking price.
To minimize scheduling confusion, please realize that if you are taking one
course which is offered at only one time on a given day, and another which is
-offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
+offered at all times on that day, the second class will be arranged as to
afford maximum inconvenience to the student. For example, if you happen
to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes. If you commute,
there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
@@ -5059,7 +5059,7 @@ astray by hunting and pecking.
inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth. Most notably I have
ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old. Well, I
haven't ignored it; I considered the purported evidence and *then* rejected
-it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
+it. There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
prejudice and postjudice. Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
looked at the facts. Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards. Prejudice
is terrible, in the sense that you commit injustices and you make serious
@@ -5266,21 +5266,21 @@ dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.
%
***** Special AI Seminar (abstract)
-It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
+It has been widely recognized that AI programs require expert knowledge
in order to perform well in complex domains. But knowledge alone is not
-sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
-we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
-"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
-wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
-IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
-about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
-forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
-rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
-succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
-in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
+sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well. Accordingly,
+we have developed a new approach to artificial intelligence which we call
+"wisdom engineering". As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
+wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
+IMMANUEL was supplied initially with 200 wisdom units which contained wisdom
+about such elementary concepts as mind, matter, being, nothingness, and so
+forth. IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
+rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base. IMMANUEL
+succeeded in rediscovering most of the important philosophical ideas developed
+in western culture over the course of the last 25 centuries, including those
underlying Plato's theory of government, Kant's metaphysics, Nietzsche's theory
-of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
-IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
+of value, and Husserl's phenomenology. In this seminar, we will describe
+IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture. We will also briefly
discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
%
-- THE BATES MOTEL --
@@ -5365,7 +5365,7 @@ established as our planet's shape and position. Our continuing struggle
to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not
cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" --
into doubt.
- -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
+ -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
%
... when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer
@@ -5829,7 +5829,7 @@ of turning around three times before lying down.
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
-- John Steinbeck
%
-A budget is just a method of worrying
+A budget is just a method of worrying
before you spend money, as well as afterward.
%
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
@@ -5899,18 +5899,18 @@ A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance.
Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
%
-A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
-had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
-various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
-invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
-and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
-asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
-between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
-string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
-was enlightened.
-
-From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
-string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
+A certain monk had a habit of pestering the Grand Tortue (the only one who
+had ever reached the Enlightenment 'Yond Enlightenment), by asking whether
+various objects had Buddha-nature or not. To such a question Tortue
+invariably sat silent. The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
+and a moonlit night. One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
+asked the same question. In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
+between his feet and, with a few simple manipulations, created a complex
+string which he proferred wordlessly to the monk. At that moment, the monk
+was enlightened.
+
+From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue. Instead, he made string after
+string by Tortue's method; and he passed the method on to his own disciples,
who passed it on to theirs.
%
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some
@@ -5929,10 +5929,10 @@ go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."
%
A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed
-a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
+a very charming woman staring admiringly at him. He walked over and spoke
with her for a few minutes, then returned to the front desk, where they checked
in as Mr. and Mrs.
- After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
+ After a very pleasurable three-day stay, the man approached the front
desk and told the clerk he was checking out. In a few minutes, he was handed
a bill for $2500.
"There must be some mistake," the salesman said. "I've been here for
@@ -5954,7 +5954,7 @@ Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
A chronic disposition to inquiry
deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
%
-A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit
+A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit
will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie.
%
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
@@ -6186,7 +6186,7 @@ A Difficulty for Every Solution.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his
wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
%
-A diplomat is a man who can tell you to
+A diplomat is a man who can tell you to
go to hell and make the trip sound pleasurable.
-- Samuel Clemens
%
@@ -6401,7 +6401,7 @@ assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win.
They were to reconvene the day before the race to tell the gangster how they
each propose to ensure a win. When they reconvened the gangster started with
the engineer:
-
+
Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
Engineer: Well, I've invented a way to weave metallic threads into the saddle
blanket so that they will act as the plates of a battery and provide
@@ -6411,7 +6411,7 @@ Chemist: I've synthesized a powerful stimulant that dissolves
into simple blood sugars after ten minutes and therefore
cannot be detected in post-race tests.
G: Excellent, excellent! But I want to hear from the physicist before
- I decide what to do. Physicist?
+ I decide what to do. Physicist?
Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...
%
@@ -6699,7 +6699,7 @@ A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.
%
A king's castle is his home.
%
-A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
+A kiss is a course of procedure, cunningly devised,
for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when
words are superfluous.
%
@@ -7016,7 +7016,7 @@ some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later. Before
he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who
might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill. If that happened, he told
her, she should fire her gun three times into the air and he would come to
-her aid.
+her aid.
Shortly after they separated, he heard a single shot, followed quickly
by the agreed upon signal. Running to the scene, he found his wife standing
in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel.
@@ -7257,9 +7257,9 @@ now has no excuse for further procrastination.
A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow. The time
had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had
come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to
-catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust
+catching instructions on the wing. In other words, we never did trust
the engineers - and from the very first years of the Revolution we saw to
-it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
+it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers.
-- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
%
@@ -7412,7 +7412,7 @@ gets out and goes into the office.
"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
The man scratches his head. "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go
-check."
+check."
Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the
truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be
acceptable.
@@ -7425,7 +7425,7 @@ conversation. The guy comes back into the office. "A long time," he says,
%
A pig is a jolly companion,
Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
-A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
+A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
@@ -7439,7 +7439,7 @@ and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
%
A place for everything and everything in its place.
-- Isabella Mary Beeton, "The Book of Household Management"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to memory management system services.]
%
@@ -7493,7 +7493,7 @@ of yours to press against my heart.
%
A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
%
-A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
+A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
%
A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
@@ -7528,9 +7528,9 @@ A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
%
A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of
being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of
-incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
-assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
-and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
+incomprehensible answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague
+assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents
+and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of
dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of
annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
@@ -7640,7 +7640,7 @@ A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage.
-- Blake
%
-A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
+A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single
man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
%
@@ -7954,19 +7954,19 @@ fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A traveling salesman was driving past a farm when he saw a pig with three
wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
Intrigued, he drove up to the farmhouse, where he found an old farmer
-sitting in the yard watching the pig.
- "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
+sitting in the yard watching the pig.
+ "That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
"Sure is, son," the farmer replied. "Why, two years ago, my daughter
was swimming in the lake and bumped her head and damned near drowned, but that
pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
"Amazing!" the salesman exclaimed.
"And that's not the only thing. Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
-the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
+the north forty when a tree fell on me. Pinned me to the ground, it did.
That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
Saved my life."
"Fantastic! the salesman said. But tell me, how come the pig has
three wooden legs?"
- The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
+ The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement. "Mister, when you
got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."
%
A true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother
@@ -8029,7 +8029,7 @@ A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there
A wise man can see more from a mountain top
than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
%
-A wise man can see more from the bottom
+A wise man can see more from the bottom
of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
%
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
@@ -8039,8 +8039,8 @@ A witty saying proves nothing.
-- Voltaire
%
"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit,
-let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
-there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
+let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that
+there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another,
completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of
beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club
@@ -8275,11 +8275,11 @@ ABSCOND:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside
of a dying relative and miss the return train.
%
-abscond, v:
+abscond, v:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative
- and miss the return train.
+ and miss the return train.
%
-Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases
+Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases
great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
-- La Rochefoucauld
%
@@ -8426,7 +8426,7 @@ beat up their city anytime.
According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in
America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
-beat up their city anytime.
+beat up their city anytime.
-- David Letterman
%
ACCORDION:
@@ -8561,7 +8561,7 @@ intelligence long enough to get money from it.
%
Advertising Rule:
In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
- reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
+ reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
that it is curable.
%
Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.
@@ -8683,7 +8683,7 @@ right to make his laws?"
his own."
It was so granted.
%
-After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
+After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
in a wheelchair. Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the
@@ -8738,7 +8738,7 @@ charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
-- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"
Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
-precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
+precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.
%
After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with
@@ -8796,7 +8796,7 @@ Agnes' Law:
%
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
%
-Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
+Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
-- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"
%
@@ -8999,7 +8999,7 @@ ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
-- Kingfish
%
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
-makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
+makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett
%
@@ -9146,7 +9146,7 @@ All that glitters is not gold; all that wander are not lost.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
-Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
+Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
@@ -9306,7 +9306,7 @@ Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
%
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
%
-Always run from a knife and rush a gun.
+Always run from a knife and rush a gun.
-- Jimmy Hoffa
%
Always store beer in a dark place.
@@ -9326,7 +9326,7 @@ AMAZING BUT TRUE...
end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
%
AMAZING BUT TRUE...
- There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it
+ There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it
were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
%
AMBIDEXTROUS:
@@ -9451,7 +9451,7 @@ An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
-- D.E. Knuth
%
-An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad
+An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad
to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country.
-- Sir Henry Wotton, 1568-1639
%
@@ -9552,8 +9552,8 @@ An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
%
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
%
-An efficient and a successful administration manifests
-itself equally in small as in great matters.
+An efficient and a successful administration manifests
+itself equally in small as in great matters.
-- W. Churchill
%
An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet,
@@ -9811,7 +9811,7 @@ And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower. "This," cried the Mayor,
to come to the aid of their country!" he said. "We've GOT to make noises in
greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!" Thus he
spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and
-he shouted out, "YOPP!"
+he shouted out, "YOPP!"
And that Yopp... That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
Finally, at last! From the speck on that clover their voices were heard!
They rang out clear and clean. And they elephant smiled. "Do you see what
@@ -10084,7 +10084,7 @@ Modern fairy tale: Oswald, acting alone, shot Kennedy.
%
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude.
%
-Antonio Antonio
+Antonio Antonio
Was tired of living alonio
He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio
Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio
@@ -10261,7 +10261,7 @@ bathe and not make messes in the house.
-- Lazarus Long
%
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
- -- R. Heinlein
+ -- R. Heinlein
%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -10659,7 +10659,7 @@ As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
interested in the basic nature of humor. "What kind of a sick perverted
disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask, "that you make
-jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
+jokes about setting fire to a goat?"
-- Dave Barry
%
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I
@@ -10803,8 +10803,8 @@ talk like that.
%
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
%
-As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
-schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
+As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
+schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
%
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
@@ -10932,7 +10932,7 @@ or putatively less buggy. The replacement of a working component by a new
version requires the same systematic testing procedure that adding a new
component does, although it should require less time, for more complete and
efficient test cases will usually be available.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see;
@@ -11179,7 +11179,7 @@ Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
Avoid reality at all costs.
%
Avoid revolution or expect to get shot. Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
+we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
%
Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
@@ -11225,7 +11225,7 @@ the good old days) made up the term "octalthorpe" (note spelling) to denote
the "pound sign." Presumably because it has 8 points sticking out. It
never really caught on.
%
-Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere,
+Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere,
uphill both ways and it was always snowing.
%
Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
@@ -12259,9 +12259,9 @@ Business will be either better or worse.
%
...but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge
-to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
-were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
-unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
+to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
+were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still
+unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If
there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute
@@ -12355,8 +12355,8 @@ What nobody is sure about.
%
But sex and drugs and rock & roll, why, they'd bring our blackest day.
%
-But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
-frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
+But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
+frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
-- M. Proust
%
But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
@@ -13363,7 +13363,7 @@ the characteristics of hardware; software engineering should deal with the
characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management.
-- Dan Klein
%
-COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler
+COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler
one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal.
-- J.N. Gray
%
@@ -13437,7 +13437,7 @@ CONCEPT:
%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
- -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
+ -- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%
Condense soup, not books!
%
@@ -13637,7 +13637,7 @@ COPYING MACHINE:
interested in reading them.
%
Coronation, n:
- The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
+ The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible
signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
-- Ambrose Bierce
%
@@ -13663,9 +13663,9 @@ His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.
Corry's Law:
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
%
-Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
-at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
-the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
+Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
+at people to save their core images before logging them out? I'm sure
+the cattle prod would be effective in this regard. In any case, a traverse
mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention
being easier to stake.
%
@@ -14262,7 +14262,7 @@ Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
(t (append (list (implode (nf a (car c)))) (nf a (cdr c))))))
(defun AD (want-job challenging boston-area)
- (cond
+ (cond
((or (not (equal want-job 'yes))
(not (equal boston-area 'yes))
(lessp challenging 7)) () )
@@ -14285,10 +14285,10 @@ Delay is preferable to error.
%
Delay not, Caesar. Read it instantly.
-- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1
-
+
Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to I/O system services.]
%
@@ -15176,7 +15176,7 @@ double-blind Experiment, n:
fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied
by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
%
-Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
+Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
-- Voltaire
%
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
@@ -15283,7 +15283,7 @@ Drive defensively, buy a tank.
%
Driving in Texas is simple. For the first 100 miles you swerve to
avoid jackrabbits. For the second 100 miles you hit whatever
-jackrabbits get in the way. After that you chase off into the
+jackrabbits get in the way. After that you chase off into the
brush after them.
%
Driving through a Swiss city one day, Alfred Hitchcock suddenly pointed out
@@ -15959,7 +15959,7 @@ Therefore fire engines are red.
%
Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to computer
technology? U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation.
-The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
+The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was a pioneer in
computer technology during World War II. At the C.W. Post Center of Long
Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island public school adminis-
trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth. At Harvard
@@ -16003,11 +16003,11 @@ Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
%
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
-fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
+fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not
-a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it
-is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
+a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it
+is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-- Dwight Eisenhower, 1953
%
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
@@ -16102,7 +16102,7 @@ Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is
bend a disk.
- -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
+ -- A member of the outlawed Polish trade union, Solidarity,
commenting on the benefits of using computers in support
of their movement.
%
@@ -16324,7 +16324,7 @@ doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact. That all present
life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is
as firmly established as Copernican cosmology. Biologists differ only with
respect to theories about how the process operates.
- -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
+ -- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
%
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for
even the greatest fool may ask more the the wisest man can answer.
@@ -17113,7 +17113,7 @@ was a gate.
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to system overview.]
-
+
%
For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years.
This gives me great hope for the human race.
@@ -17170,7 +17170,7 @@ protected species.
8 oz. shredded suet
2 small onions
1/2 teaspoonful black pepper
-
+
Scrape and clean bag in cold, then warm, water. Soak in salt water
overnight. Wash pluck, then boil for 2 hours with windpipe draining over
the side of pot. Retain 1 pint of stock. Cut off windpipe, remove surplus
@@ -17335,7 +17335,7 @@ Shoes:
The average man has 4 pairs of footwear: running shoes, dress shoes,
boots, and slippers. The average woman has shoes 4 layers thick on the floor
of her closet. Most of them hurt her feet.
-
+
Making friends:
A woman will meet another woman with common interests, do a few things
together, and say something like, "I hope we can be good friends."
@@ -17392,7 +17392,7 @@ of his friends. He will tell all his friends about his own affairs, though,
so they can be ready if he needs an alibi.
Driving:
-
+
A typical man thinks he's Mario Andretti as soon as he slips behind
the wheel of his car. The fact that it's an 8-year-old Honda doesn't keep
him from trying to out-accelerate the guy in the Porsche who's attempting
@@ -18148,7 +18148,7 @@ your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
From 0 to "what seems to be the problem officer" in 8.3 seconds.
-- Ad for the new VW Corrado
%
-From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
+From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
That is the point that must be reached.
-- F. Kafka
%
@@ -18176,7 +18176,7 @@ From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx
%
-From the pages of Open Systems Today - October 13, 1994 ..........
+From the pages of Open Systems Today - October 13, 1994 ..........
"The International Standards Organization (ISO) and the
International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) designated
@@ -18424,7 +18424,7 @@ Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
%
Get GUMMed
----------
-
+
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076
(check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground
directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will grep each other by the
@@ -18971,7 +18971,7 @@ gossip, n:
%
//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
%
-Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
+Got a complaint about the Internal Revenue Service?
Call the convenient toll-free "IRS Taxpayer Complaint Hot Line Number":
1-800-AUDITME
@@ -19053,7 +19053,7 @@ Mouse clicks numb the fingers.
Heuristics weaken the mind.
Options wither the heart.
-The Guru observes the net
+The Guru observes the net
but trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is as open as the ether.
@@ -19294,7 +19294,7 @@ Or help to half-a-crown."
Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some
useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
-- Alfonso the Wise
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to operating system initialization.]
%
@@ -19357,7 +19357,7 @@ Hall's Laws of Politics:
their own districts).
%
hand, n:
- A singular instrument worn at the end of a human
+ A singular instrument worn at the end of a human
arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
%
Handel's Proverb:
@@ -19476,7 +19476,7 @@ the gravy with."
The hamper was close behind us, and George and I both turned round to
reach one out. We were not five seconds getting it. When we looked round
again, Harris and the pie were gone!
- It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for
+ It was a wide, open field. There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for
hundreds of yards. He could not have tumbled into the river, because we were
on the water side of him, and he would have had to climb over us to do it.
George and I gazed all about. Then we gazed at each other.
@@ -19528,7 +19528,7 @@ We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."
-- Dave Barry
%
Harry's bar has a new cocktail. It's called MRS punch. They make it with
-milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
+milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful. The milk is for vitality and the
sugar is for pep. They put in the rum so that people will know what to do
with all that pep and vitality.
%
@@ -19805,7 +19805,7 @@ said, "there's a conflict between land and people... the people have to go..."
-- Stan Ridgeway, "Call of the West"
%
He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.
- -- John LeCarre
+ -- John LeCarre
%
He is considered a most graceful speaker
who can say nothing in the most words.
@@ -20177,12 +20177,12 @@ Hello. Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine. Will you
please have your master call my master at his convenience? Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
%
-Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a
-date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see?
-And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so
-you set off across the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right
-smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you
-don't hear your girl screaming any more?
+Hello, friend! You say things aren't going too well? You say you have a
+date with your favorite girl when it starts raining so hard you can't see?
+And you're out on some back road when the car stalls and won't start, so
+you set off across the fields, and 50 feet of barbed wire hits you right
+smack in the puss? And then there's a big explosion behind you and you
+don't hear your girl screaming any more?
Well, take a walk in the sun and hold your head up high!
You'll show the world; you'll tell them where to get off!
@@ -20861,7 +20861,7 @@ How come we never talk anymore?
%
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
%
-How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards
+How comes it to pass, then, that we appear such cowards
in reasoning, and are so afraid to stand the test of ridicule?
-- A. Cooper
%
@@ -20904,12 +20904,12 @@ How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded. "And why were you afraid
to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her."
"I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat
-replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
+replied without rancor. "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
you. As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be
deceived by appearances. Unlike human beings, who enjoy them. As for your
second question --" Here he faltered, and suddenly became very interested
in washing; nor would he speak until he had licked himself fluffy and then
-licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
+licked himself smooth again. Even then he would not look at Molly, but
examined his claws.
"If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been
hers and not my own, not ever again."
@@ -21028,7 +21028,7 @@ Hubbard's Law:
Don't take life too seriously;
you won't get out of it alive.
%
-Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
+Hug me now, you mad, impetuous fool!!
Oh wait...
I'm a computer, and you're a person. It would never work out.
Never mind.
@@ -21050,8 +21050,8 @@ Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
Human resources are human first, and resources second.
-- J. Garbers
%
-Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
-responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
+Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober,
+responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and
immature.
-- Tom Robbins
%
@@ -21554,7 +21554,7 @@ But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
%
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
%
-I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
+I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
The curtain was up.
%
"I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA... But no WOO-WOO!"
@@ -21954,7 +21954,7 @@ Beach."
%
I had another dream the other day about government financial management
people. They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they
-had stepped out of a painting by Goya.
+had stepped out of a painting by Goya.
%
I had another dream the other day about music critics. They were small
and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they had stepped out of a
@@ -22018,7 +22018,7 @@ Stay, here..." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me
and just keeps on typing.
-- Stephen Wright
%
-I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
+I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
@@ -22055,7 +22055,7 @@ People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
-- Richard Diran
%
-I have a simple philosophy:
+I have a simple philosophy:
Fill what's empty.
Empty what's full.
@@ -22110,7 +22110,7 @@ I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable
to sit still in a room.
-- Blaise Pascal
%
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
+I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
-- Camillo Di Cavour
%
@@ -22195,8 +22195,8 @@ already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic
establishment.
-- Alan Bennett
%
-I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
-in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
+I have no doubt that it is a part of the destiny of the human race,
+in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
-- Thoreau
%
I have no doubt the Devil grins,
@@ -22271,8 +22271,8 @@ I have travelled the length and breadth of this country, and have talked with
the best people in business administration. I can assure you on the highest
authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
-- Editor in charge of business books at Prentice-Hall
- publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
- editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
+ publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
+ editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
science of data processing), c. 1957
%
I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
@@ -22620,7 +22620,7 @@ But from the milk we're getting now
There certainly must be one
-- Odgen Nash
-Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
+Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow"
I'm sorry now I wrote it
But I can tell you anyhow
I'll kill you if you quote it.
@@ -23382,8 +23382,8 @@ I was in accord with the system so long as it
permitted me to function effectively.
-- Albert Speer
%
-I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
-these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
+I was in this prematurely air conditioned supermarket and there were all
+these aisles and there were these bathing caps you could buy that had these
kind of Fourth of July plumes on them that were red and yellow and blue and
I wasn't tempted to buy one but I was reminded of the fact that I had been
avoiding the beach.
@@ -23439,7 +23439,7 @@ Dad, get me out of this.
-- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"
%
I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.
-If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
+If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
It's the truth.
-- Charlie Chaplin
%
@@ -23568,9 +23568,9 @@ had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate,
replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?"
-- Steven Wright
%
-"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
-know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
-be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
+"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
+know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
+be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
-- Bastian B. Bux
%
@@ -23604,7 +23604,7 @@ of wax... and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the
image lasts; but when the image is effaced, or cannot be taken, then we
forget or do not know.
-- Plato, Dialogs, Theateus 191
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to image activation and termination.]
%
@@ -23739,7 +23739,7 @@ I'd never cry if I did find
A blue whale in my soup...
Nor would I mind a porcupine
Inside a chicken coop.
-Yes life is fine when things combine,
+Yes life is fine when things combine,
Like ham in beef chow mein...
But lord, this time I think I mind,
They've put acid in my rain.
@@ -23796,7 +23796,7 @@ If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
-- Roy Santoro
%
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast
-is a camel's behind.
+is a camel's behind.
-- Edgar R. Fiedler
%
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
@@ -23940,7 +23940,7 @@ And all the skies were parchment,
And all the men could write,
These would not suffice
To write down all the red tape
-Of this Government.
+Of this Government.
%
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-- Paul Beatty
@@ -24121,7 +24121,7 @@ he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
-- George Winters
%
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would
-have made them cute and furry.
+have made them cute and furry.
-- Dave Barry
%
If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had
@@ -24483,7 +24483,7 @@ and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
%
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
-little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
+little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey
%
@@ -25049,7 +25049,7 @@ was running the wrong version of the gateway which was giving out the wrong
network number? Never supposed to happen. Tough. Supposing that your
software discovers that the gateway is now giving out a different network
number than before, what's it supposed to do about it? This is not discussed
-in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
+in the protocol document. Never supposed to happen. Tough. I think you
get my drift.
%
If you explain something so clearly that no
@@ -25195,7 +25195,7 @@ If you lose a son you can always get another,
but there's only one Maltese Falcon.
-- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falcon"
%
-If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
+If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich,
or famous or both.
%
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist,
@@ -25291,7 +25291,7 @@ they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does.
-- Groucho Marx
%
If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
-It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
+It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
Or some joker who is slicker,
Will trick you of your liquor,
If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
@@ -25442,7 +25442,7 @@ If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
If you must vilify, condemn and eternally find disparage -- resign your
position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content...
but, as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it.
-If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the
+If you do that, you are loosening the tendrils that are holding you to the
institution, and at the first high wind that comes along, you will
be uprooted and blown away, and probably will never know the reason
why.
@@ -25553,7 +25553,7 @@ rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
%
Ignorance must certainly be bliss or there wouldn't be so many people
-so resolutely pursuing it.
+so resolutely pursuing it.
%
Ignore previous fortune.
%
@@ -25736,17 +25736,17 @@ And McGovern were a tree.
%
I'm going through my "I want to go back to New York" phase today. Happens
every six months or so. So, I thought, perhaps unwisely, that I'd share
-it with you.
+it with you.
> In New York in the winter it is million degrees below zero and
- the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
+ the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
> And in LA it's 72.
> In New York in the summer it is a million degrees and the humidity
is a million percent.
> And in LA it's 72.
-> In New York there are a million interesting people.
+> In New York there are a million interesting people.
> And in LA there are 72.
%
I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.
@@ -25834,7 +25834,7 @@ gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there,
and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing
to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
-really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
+really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's
okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
-- Carl Sagan
@@ -26016,7 +26016,7 @@ because the warrant was made out in the name of Don Provan, while the only
person in the house was named don provan. Proving, once again, that Unix is
superior to Tops10.
%
-In a whiskey it's age, in a cigarette it's
+In a whiskey it's age, in a cigarette it's
taste and in a sports car it's impossible.
%
In America any boy may become President, and I suppose that's just the
@@ -26419,7 +26419,7 @@ the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
Q: Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: The dumb manager. All the rest are myths.
%
-In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
+In the midst of one of the wildest parties he'd ever been to, the young man
noticed a very prim and pretty girl sitting quietly apart from the rest of
the revelers. Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet
conversation, said, "I'm afraid you and I don't really fit in with this
@@ -26983,7 +26983,7 @@ a visiting uncle who's rich!
%
It happened long ago
In the new magic land
-The Indians and the buffalo
+The Indians and the buffalo
Existed hand in hand
The Indians needed food
They need skins for a roof
@@ -27104,7 +27104,7 @@ What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing
thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?
-- Alan Perlis
%
-It is all right to hold a conversation,
+It is all right to hold a conversation,
but you should let go of it now and then.
-- Richard Armour
%
@@ -27223,7 +27223,7 @@ It is equally bad when one speeds on the guest unwilling to go, and when he
holds back one who is hastening. Rather one should befriend the guest who
is there, but speed him when he wishes.
-- Homer, "The Odyssey"
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to scheduling.]
%
@@ -27422,7 +27422,7 @@ mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
%
It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat
-rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
+rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
-- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's
%
@@ -27453,8 +27453,8 @@ It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-
yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown up.
%
It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
-statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
-to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
+statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious
+to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look,
which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the
highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details,
worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
@@ -27781,7 +27781,7 @@ It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
-- Mick Jagger
%
"It's all so painfully empty and lonesome... I don't think I can stand
-any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
+any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
never missed. The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really... We come
out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
What is the point of it all? Who thought up this sickening circle of
@@ -28277,7 +28277,7 @@ Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Joe, darling," she breathed, "I've got a confession to make
before I go. I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles. And it was I who
-forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
+forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported
your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
"That's all right, dearest, don't give it a second thought,"
whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
@@ -28973,7 +28973,7 @@ Last night the power went out. Good thing my camera had a flash....
The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
-- Stephen Wright
%
-Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
+Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor.
%
Last week's pet, this week's special.
@@ -29358,7 +29358,7 @@ Lewis's Law of Travel:
The first piece of luggage out of the
chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
%
-L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
+L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
-- L. Pasteur
%
LIAR:
@@ -30035,7 +30035,7 @@ Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-- Frank Hubbard
%
-Lots of girls can be had for a song.
+Lots of girls can be had for a song.
Unfortunately, it often turns out to be the wedding march.
%
Louie Louie, me gotta go
@@ -30910,7 +30910,7 @@ Mathematics deals exclusively with the relations of concepts
to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.
-- Albert Einstein
%
-Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
+Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what
one is talking about nor whether what is said is true.
-- Russell
%
@@ -31627,7 +31627,7 @@ Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
%
Most folks they like the daytime,
'cause they like to see the shining sun.
-They're up in the morning,
+They're up in the morning,
off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun.
But when the sun goes down,
and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun.
@@ -31964,7 +31964,7 @@ I drowned her in a cask of rum,
And so made sure that she would stay
In better spirits night and day.
%
-My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
+My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
Unless there are three other people.
-- Orson Welles
%
@@ -32672,7 +32672,7 @@ New York.
New York's got the ways and means, just won't let you be.
%
Newlan's Truism:
- An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
+ An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the
government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
%
Newman's Discovery:
@@ -33239,11 +33239,11 @@ None love the bearer of bad news.
-- Sophocles
%
None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
-to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
-ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
-job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
-forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
-he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
+to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert -- because no one
+ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a
+job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing
+forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient
+he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
"expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work"
@@ -33418,7 +33418,7 @@ serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.
-- Spinoza
%
-NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
+NOTE: No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
All software is supplied as is, without guarantee. The user assumes
all responsibility for damages resulting from the use of these
features, including, but not limited to, frustration, disgust, system
@@ -33497,7 +33497,7 @@ Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
-- A.H. Weiler
%
-Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
+Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which
millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-- Nero Wolfe
%
@@ -34383,7 +34383,7 @@ mistress".
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
-- Homer
%
-Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
+Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his
roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind
the railroad yards."
@@ -34472,7 +34472,7 @@ just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw. However, the family
of these unfortunate would-be knights was compensated with a beautiful
sheepdog from the royal kennels, which was itself a fairly valuable
possession. And the moral of the story is:
-
+
The mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that
hit you.
%
@@ -34718,7 +34718,7 @@ simply amazing. God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good,
nobody can touch him.
-- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan. 1983
%
-One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an
+One of the chief duties of the mathematician in acting as an
advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from
mathematics.
-- N. Wiener
@@ -34930,13 +34930,13 @@ smiles back at the rear of an elephant.
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.
-- Baba Ram Dass
%
-Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
-placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
+Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
+placing a classified ad with the ritual phrase "must sell -- best offer,"
and thereafter dwell in infamy, relegated to discussing gas mileage and lawn
-food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
+food. But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
unpurifying the dialect of the tribe with arcane talk of bits and bytes, RAMS
-and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
-modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
+and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed? It's a
+modest price to pay. For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations. Hail,
postindustrial warrior, subduer of Bounceoids, pride of the cosmos, keeper of
the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum. The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
@@ -36279,7 +36279,7 @@ Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
%
Preserve Wildlife! Throw a party today!
%
-President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic
+President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic
pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
%
President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50%
@@ -36410,9 +36410,9 @@ techniques are very popular, even the military use them.
SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.
- We know it's true for n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true
-for every natural number less than n. N is arbitrary, so we can take n
-as large as we want. If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
+ We know it's true for n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true
+for every natural number less than n. N is arbitrary, so we can take n
+as large as we want. If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n. We can
take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just about n.
QED. (QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
@@ -36433,13 +36433,13 @@ prototype, n.
upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc. Unlike its successors, the
prototype is not expected to work.
%
-Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
+Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf.
%
Prunes give you a run for your money.
%
Pryor's Observation:
- How long you live has nothing to do
+ How long you live has nothing to do
with how long you are going to be dead.
%
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents'
@@ -36477,7 +36477,7 @@ Psychology. Mind over matter.
Mind under matter? It doesn't matter.
Never mind.
%
-Public use of any portable music system is a
+Public use of any portable music system is a
virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.
-- Zoso
%
@@ -37419,7 +37419,7 @@ QOTD:
Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical
mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying
on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn.
- -- Goodstein, States of Matter
+ -- Goodstein, States of Matter
%
QOTD:
Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch.
@@ -37682,7 +37682,7 @@ when "How to Avoid Probate" was published? Are they taking no-fault
insurance lying down? No way! But at the current rate it won't be long
before there are stacks of the "Transactions on Information Theory" at the
A&P checkout counters. Who's going to be impressed with us electrical
-engineers then? Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store?
+engineers then? Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store?
-- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE president
%
Razors pain you;
@@ -37729,7 +37729,7 @@ limitations, software doesn't. It's a real shame that Turing machines are
so poor at I/O.
%
Real computer scientists don't write code. They occasionally tinker with
-`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
+`programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count
(and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
%
Real computer scientists like having a computer on their desk, else how
@@ -38000,7 +38000,7 @@ Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
%
Remove me from this land of slaves,
Where all are fools, and all are knaves,
-Where every knave and fool is bought,
+Where every knave and fool is bought,
Yet kindly sells himself for nought;
-- Jonathan Swift
%
@@ -38084,7 +38084,7 @@ actually have a shot at it.
%
Reunite Gondwondaland!
%
-Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
+Rev. Jim: What does an amber light mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
Rev. Jim: What... does... an... amber... light... mean?
Bobby: Slow down.
@@ -39762,7 +39762,7 @@ CONSERVATISM:
Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows.
%
Software production is assumed to be a line function, but it is run
-like a staff function."
+like a staff function."
-- Paul Licker
%
Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
@@ -40016,7 +40016,7 @@ Something better...
1 (obvious): Excuse me. Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover. She's going to blow.
- 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
+ 3 (fashionable): You know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore
something larger. Like ... Wyoming.
4 (personal): Well, here we are. Just the three of us.
5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen. Your nose was on time but you were fifteen
@@ -40261,7 +40261,7 @@ attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%
SPOUSE:
- Someone who'll stand by you through all the
+ Someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
%
Spring is here, spring is here,
@@ -42030,8 +42030,8 @@ that it hammered out the treaty in one afternoon, but spent the last nine
years arguing the Monty Hall and the three doors problem.
-- Little known provisions of the START treaty by James Lileks
%
-The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
-and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
+The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
+and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
-- H.D. Thoreau
%
The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being
@@ -42199,7 +42199,7 @@ and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
%
The door is the key.
%
-The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
+The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water. Eager to show off
this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his next
hunting trip. Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell,
the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the duck and returned
@@ -42393,7 +42393,7 @@ The faster I go, the behinder I get.
%
The Fastest Defeat In Chess
The big name for us in the world of chess is Gibaud, a French chess
-master.
+master.
In Paris during 1924 he was beaten after only four moves by a
Monsieur Lazard. Happily for posterity, the moves are recorded and so
chess enthusiasts may reconstruct this magnificent collapse in the comfort
@@ -42440,9 +42440,9 @@ anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their
husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism
and become lesbians."
%
-The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm:
+The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm:
(1) write down the problem.
- (2) think very hard.
+ (2) think very hard.
(3) write down the answer.
-- Murray Gell-Mann
%
@@ -42902,7 +42902,7 @@ THEN -- MONROE!
NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-- The Rotton Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
-*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
+*NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!! MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964) (Alternate Title:
@@ -43066,13 +43066,13 @@ their wives and daughters to his arms.
The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's, then a sweetheart's.
-- Polish proverb
%
-The Greatest Mathematical Error
+The Greatest Mathematical Error
The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28
July 1962 towards Venus. After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
-scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
+scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from
@@ -43095,7 +43095,7 @@ The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce.
-- Galbraith
%
The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
- -- J.K. Galbraith
+ -- J.K. Galbraith
%
The hardest part of climbing the ladder of
success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
@@ -43359,7 +43359,7 @@ A: "Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running
the dust clears."
K: "And?"
A: "If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
-K: "But what about the
+K: "But what about the
^#!!$% battle plan?"
A: "So far, it seems to be going according to specks."
%
@@ -43756,7 +43756,7 @@ The one that got away.
The Man Who Almost Invented The Vacuum Cleaner
The man officially credited with inventing the vacuum cleaner is
Hubert Cecil Booth. However, he got the idea from a man who almost
-invented it.
+invented it.
In 1901 Booth visited a London music-hall. On the bill was an
American inventor with his wonder machine for removing dust from carpets.
The machine comprised a box about one foot square with a bag on top.
@@ -43914,7 +43914,7 @@ The Modelski Chain Rule:
thrashing anyway, just to show you mean business.
%
"The molars, I'm sure, will be all right, the molars can take care of
-themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
+themselves," the old man said, no longer to me. "But what will become
of the bicuspids?"
-- The Old Man and his Bridge
%
@@ -44022,7 +44022,7 @@ the country is the one on which you resell it.
The most difficult thing about surviving AIDS
is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
%
-The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a
+The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a
thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
-- T.H. White
%
@@ -44061,7 +44061,7 @@ The most important early product on the way
to developing a good product is an imperfect version.
%
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
-people to approach printed matter with distrust.
+people to approach printed matter with distrust.
%
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman
is that one of them be good at taking orders.
@@ -44074,7 +44074,7 @@ The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.
%
The most recent attempt to revive the moribund campus left, a national
conference held at Rutgers University February 5-7, ended when the
-participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national
+participants decided that they were too racist to found a new national
organization.
The stated goal of the conference was the formation of a national
organization that would "give expression to a shared consciousness." The
@@ -44284,7 +44284,7 @@ floor.
%
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
%
-The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
+The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
Let the reader catch his own breath.
-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
%
@@ -44525,15 +44525,15 @@ The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
%
The other line moves faster.
%
-The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on
+The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on
a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke
English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke. He took out a
pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a coach. She smiled, nodded her
-head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a
+head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a
table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to
dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They
-went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
+went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious
evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded, and to this day has
never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
@@ -44848,7 +44848,7 @@ illiterates can read.
-- Alberto Moravia
%
The real man's Bloody Mary:
- Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
+ Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
@@ -44901,10 +44901,10 @@ The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher
Called a hen a most elegant creature.
The hen, pleased with that,
Laid an egg in his hat --
-And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
+And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%
-The reverse side also has a reverse side.
+The reverse side also has a reverse side.
-- Japanese proverb
%
The revolution will not be televised.
@@ -45152,7 +45152,7 @@ The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from
his rather old and crusty parish. As is usual in these cases, a locum was
sent to cover the transition period. This particular man was young and
-active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and
+active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and
exciting. As a consequence he was more than a little dissapointed with the
dull and tradition-bound church. He decided to do something about it.
For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
@@ -45237,7 +45237,7 @@ Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
%
The street preacher looked so baffled
When I asked him why he dressed
-With forty pounds of headlines
+With forty pounds of headlines
Stapled to his chest.
But he cursed me when I proved to him
I said, "Not even you can hide.
@@ -45339,7 +45339,7 @@ It came before the first kernel.
%
The tao that can be tar(1)ed
is not the entire Tao.
-The path that can be specified
+The path that can be specified
is not the Full Path.
We declare the names
@@ -45718,7 +45718,7 @@ The Vet Who Surprised A Cow
surgeon was required to treat an ailing cow. To investigate its internal
gases he inserted a tube into that end of the animal not capable of facial
expression and struck a match. The jet of flame set fire first to some
-bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
+bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
The vet was later fined L140 for starting a fire in a manner surprising to
the magistrates. The cow escaped with shock.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
@@ -45730,8 +45730,8 @@ to make it what it is supposed to be -- God's guest house on earth.
The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
-- Jerry Brown
%
-The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
-restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
+The voluptuous blond was chatting with her handsome escort in a posh
+restaurant when their waiter, stumbling as he brought their drinks,
dumped a martini on the rocks down the back of the blonde's dress. She
sprang to her feet with a wild rebel yell, dashed wildly around the table,
then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend.
@@ -46041,7 +46041,7 @@ the piano. Another whom we adore when he plays the piano turned the pages.
But the man who should have turned the pages played the violin."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
%
-The worst part of having success is trying
+The worst part of having success is trying
to find someone who is happy for you.
-- Bette Midler
%
@@ -46087,7 +46087,7 @@ if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.
The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.
They were just the first not to crash.
%
-The yankees, son, are up north.
+The yankees, son, are up north.
The damnyankees are down here.
%
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
@@ -46103,9 +46103,9 @@ Linked in part to a structural weakness.
She set no preconditions.
%
The young man-about-town enjoyed luxury but didn't always have the means
-to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he
+to buy it, and so he huffily walked out of the Miami Beach hotel when he
found out the charges for room, meals and golf privileges were $300 a day.
-He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the
+He registered across the street at an equally elegant hotel, where the
rates were only $70. The following morning he went down to the hotel's
golf course and asked Scotty, the pro, to sell him a couple of golf balls.
"Sure," said Scotty. "That'll be $25 apiece."
@@ -46173,7 +46173,7 @@ Theorem: All programs are dull.
Proof: Assume the contrary; i.e., the set of interesting programs is
nonempty. Arrange them (or it) in order of interest (note that all
sets can be well ordered, so do it properly). The minimal element is
-the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
+the "least interesting program", the obvious dullness of which provides
the contradictory denouement we so devoutly seek.
-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
%
@@ -46214,7 +46214,7 @@ There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
%
There are bad times just around the corner,
There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky
-And it's no good whining
+And it's no good whining
About a silver lining
For we know from experience that they won't roll by...
-- Noel Coward
@@ -46326,7 +46326,7 @@ people who find nothing odd about it.
%
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed.
-Some forever not for better
+Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still recall.
@@ -46361,7 +46361,7 @@ Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.
-- Robert W. Service
%
-There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
+There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
-- David Nichols
%
@@ -46418,7 +46418,7 @@ There are three things I always forget. Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
-- Italo Svevo
%
-There are three things I have always loved
+There are three things I have always loved
and never understood -- art, music, and women.
%
There are three things men can do with women:
@@ -46485,7 +46485,7 @@ make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
-- C.A.R. Hoare
%
There are two ways of disliking art.
-One is to dislike it.
+One is to dislike it.
The other is to like it rationally.
-- Oscar Wilde
%
@@ -46664,7 +46664,7 @@ There is one lonelier than you.
%
There is, in fact, no reason to believe that any given natural phenomenon,
however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
-Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
+Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be
discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator
on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
even highly probable.
@@ -46715,10 +46715,10 @@ There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.
No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
-- Jean Giradoux
%
-"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
-the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
-civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
-We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
+"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
+the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
+civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
+We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
striving of the human race"
-- Alfred North Whitehead
%
@@ -47603,7 +47603,7 @@ This is Betty Frenel. I don't know who to call but I can't reach my
Food-a-holics partner. I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage
and mushroom. Jim, come and get me!
%
-This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists,
+This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists,
and not enough hunchbacks.
%
This is for all ill-treated fellows
@@ -47991,7 +47991,7 @@ Throw away proprietary and site licenses,
and there won't be any pirating.
If these three aren't enough,
-just stay at your home directory
+just stay at your home directory
and let all processes take their course.
%
Thus mathematics may be defined as the subject in which we never know
@@ -48275,12 +48275,12 @@ Yabba-Dabba-Doo!
To be loved is very demoralizing.
-- Katharine Hepburn
%
-to be nobody but yourself in a world
+to be nobody but yourself in a world
which is doing its best night and day
to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle
any human being can fight and
-never stop fighting.
+never stop fighting.
-- e.e. cummings
%
To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best to,
@@ -48655,7 +48655,7 @@ boarder.
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
%
Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
+cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream. Join us soon for more
spectacular adventure starring... Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
-- Bob & Ray
%
@@ -48738,7 +48738,7 @@ Too ripped. Gotta go.
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
%
Top Ten Things Overheard At The ANSI C Draft Committee Meetings:
-
+
10: Sorry, but that's too useful.
9: Dammit, little-endian systems *are* more consistent!
8: I'm on the committee and I *still* don't know what the hell
@@ -49146,10 +49146,10 @@ penguin is dripping in sweat; his owner looks down and says to the other Finn,
owner then runs off to the sauna. When he gets out of the sauna, he looks
up at the porch, and sure enough, there is Urho and the penguin, sweating
away. So he yells out "Hey, Urho, I thought I told you to take the penguin to
-the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
+the zoo, I did." And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
the movies!"
%
-Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
+Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his
barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Jim," the other said to the bartender, "he sure
knows when to stop."
@@ -49159,8 +49159,8 @@ Two heads are better than one.
%
Two heads are more numerous than one.
%
-Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
-performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
+Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
+performing her normal housekeeping routines. She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in
her home. Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
@@ -49287,7 +49287,7 @@ coughing and drops dead.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%
Uncle Cosmo, why do they call this a word processor?
-It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?
+It's simple, Skyler. You've seen what food processors do to food, right?
%
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
Never use your thumb for a rule.
@@ -49912,7 +49912,7 @@ We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is
whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling
-is that it is not crazy enough.
+is that it is not crazy enough.
-- Niels Bohr
%
We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized
@@ -50377,7 +50377,7 @@ Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.
We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square.
-- S.I. Hayakawa
%
-We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
+We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that
the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than
the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule,
@@ -51079,10 +51079,10 @@ And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over --
Like a syrupy sweet?
-
+
Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.
-
+
Or does it explode?
-- Langston Hughes
%
@@ -51495,7 +51495,7 @@ with as you will.
What you want, what you're hanging around in the world waiting for, is for
something to occur to you.
-- Robert Frost
-
+
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to AST's.]
%
@@ -51575,8 +51575,8 @@ But I think it's your mind.
What's this stuff about people being "released on their
own recognizance"? Aren't we all out on own recognizance?
%
-When a Banker jumps out of a window,
-jump after him -- that's where the money is.
+When a Banker jumps out of a window,
+jump after him -- that's where the money is.
-- Robespierre
%
When a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far!
@@ -51776,7 +51776,7 @@ like my grandfather.
not screaming,
like the passengers in his car...
%
-When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons. A
+When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons. A
loud general cheer went up. After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another
drink!" The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
@@ -51840,7 +51840,7 @@ When I think about myself. Too poor to break,
My folks can make me split my side,
I laughed so hard I nearly died,
The tales they tell, sound just like lying,
-They grow the fruit,
+They grow the fruit,
But eat the rind,
I laugh until I start to crying,
When I think about my folks.
@@ -51850,7 +51850,7 @@ When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
%
When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become President.
-Now I'm beginning to believe it.
+Now I'm beginning to believe it.
-- Clarence Darrow
%
When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...
@@ -52204,7 +52204,7 @@ your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you modify
the problem, not the remedy.
%
-When the Guru administers, the users
+When the Guru administers, the users
are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a sysop who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
@@ -52299,7 +52299,7 @@ Double and float cast to each other.
High-endian and low-endian define each other.
While and until follow each other.
-Therefore the Guru
+Therefore the Guru
programs without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Warnings arise and he lets them come;
@@ -52734,7 +52734,7 @@ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to hardware interrupts.]
-
+
And now I see with eye serene
The very pulse of the machine.
-- William Wordsworth, "She Was a Phantom of Delight"
@@ -52914,7 +52914,7 @@ Who's on first?
Who's scruffy-looking?
-- Han Solo
%
-Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
+Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
Why a man would want *two* wives is a bigamystery.
%
Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard?
@@ -52940,16 +52940,16 @@ I love entertainment
So long as it's clean.
Professor Doberman:
- While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
-pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
+ While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
+pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
-experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
-must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
-fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
-receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
+experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
+must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
+fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one
+receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its
-meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
-suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
+meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
+suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
implications.
%
Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.
@@ -53154,7 +53154,7 @@ Why won't you let me kiss you goodnight? Is it something I said?
%
Why would anyone want to be called "Later"?
%
-Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
+Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
-- The Tasmanian Devil
%
Wiker's Law:
@@ -53495,7 +53495,7 @@ Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
Women's virtue is man's greatest invention.
-- Cornelia Otis Skinner
%
-Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher,
+Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher,
and philosophy begins in wonder.
Socrates, quoting Plato
%
@@ -53883,7 +53883,7 @@ X windows:
When you can't afford to be right.
And you thought we couldn't make it worse.
-If it works, it isn't X windows.
+If it works, it isn't X windows.
%
X windows:
You'd better sit down.
@@ -54709,7 +54709,7 @@ You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
You get what you pay for.
-- Gabriel Biel
%
-You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
+You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
from your own life. May it all turn out to your happiness.
-- Goethe
%
@@ -54754,7 +54754,7 @@ You have a massage (from the Swedish prime minister).
%
You have a message from the operator.
%
-You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
+You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
@@ -54782,7 +54782,7 @@ You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%
-You have an unusual equipment for success.
+You have an unusual equipment for success.
Be sure to use it properly.
%
You have an unusual understanding of
@@ -54923,7 +54923,7 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
You know you're in trouble when...
1) Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
-2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
+2) You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
and there aren't any.
3) Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
4) The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
@@ -54931,18 +54931,18 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
6) Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
+(1) Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind
her own business.
(2) You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
(3) You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
(4) You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
(5) Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
-(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
+(6) Your 4-year old reveals that it's "almost impossible" to
flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
(7) You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
%
You know you're in trouble when...
-(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
+(1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your
skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
(2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
(3) Your income tax check bounces.
@@ -54951,7 +54951,7 @@ You know you're in trouble when...
(6) You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
after you bought a waterbed.
(7) You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk
- clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
+ clerk, bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party
for your spouse.
%
You know you've been sitting in front of your Lisp machine too long
@@ -55221,7 +55221,7 @@ You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%
You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
%
-You will be advanced socially,
+You will be advanced socially,
without any special effort on your part.
%
You will be aided greatly by a person
@@ -55245,10 +55245,10 @@ You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%
-You will be honored for contributing
+You will be honored for contributing
your time and skill to a worthy cause.
%
-You will be imprisoned for contributing
+You will be imprisoned for contributing
your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%
You will be married within a year.
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