Removed 1695 fortunes also found in fortunes2.

1 files changed, 0 insertions, 6961 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
index ec26018..111728f 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
@@ -35,17 +35,6 @@ than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set
 of tires.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
 %
-			*** NEWSFLASH ***
-Russian tanks steamrolling through New Jersey!!!!  Details at eleven!
-%
-			ACHTUNG!!!
-
-Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy
-schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
-spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das
-rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und
-vatch das blinkenlights!!!
-%
 			Chapter 1
 
 The story so far:
@@ -105,21 +94,6 @@ countries to signal turns.
 The correct answer is (a).  Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are
 totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.
 %
-		        Has your family tried 'em?
-
-			   POWDERMILK BISCUITS
-
-		 Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious!
-
-	   They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the
-	   strength to get up and do what needs to be done.
-
-			   POWDERMILK BISCUITS
-
-	Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of the
-	biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark stains
-			 that indicate freshness.
-%
 		      THE STORY OF CREATION
 			       or
 			 THE MYTH OF URK
@@ -157,32 +131,6 @@ started thrashing.
 kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
 window ...
 %
-		A Severe Strain on the Credulity
-
-As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest
-parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket
-is a practicable and therefore promising device.  It is when one
-considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one
-begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really
-starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor
-maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left.
-Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing
-of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to
-re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum
-against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the
-knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
-		-- New York Times Editorial, 1920
-%
-		AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
-
-If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
-across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
-%
-		AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
-
-There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
-would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
-%
 		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
 
 (1) None.  (Moses didn't have an ark).
@@ -255,62 +203,6 @@ CHORUS:	Give me that old time religion,
 	Give me that old time religion,
 	'Cause it's good enough for me!
 %
-		MORE SPORTS RESULTS:
-The Beverly Hills Freudians tied the Chicago Rogerians 0-0 last
-Saturday night.  The match started with a long period of silence while
-the Freudians waited for the Rogerians to free associate and the
-Rogerians waited for the Freudians to say something they could
-paraphrase.  The stalemate was broken when the Freudians' best player
-took the offensive and interpreted the Rogerians' silence as reflecting
-their anal-retentive personalities.  At this the Rogerians' star player
-said "I hear you saying you think we're full of ka-ka."  This started a
-fight and the match was called by officials.
-%
-		OUTCONERR
-Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes
-	Did logzerneg the ifthen block
-All kludgy were the function flows
-	And subroutines adhoc.
-
-Beware the runtime-bug my friend
-	squrooneg, the false goto
-Beware the infiniteloop
-	And shun the inprectoo.
-%
-		Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
-		  Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
-
-(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs,
-    ants.
-(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
-(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
-(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
-(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
-(6) People ignore you at parties.
-(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
-(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.
-%
-		Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
-(1)  Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear
-     bomb; use the stairs.
-(2)  When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit
-     the ground.
-(3)  If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
-(4)  Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to
-     psychological problems.
-(5)  Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge.  Learn to
-     recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed
-     potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
-(6)  Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs
-     will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
-(7)  Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
-(8)  Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be
-     staggering illegally.
-(9)  Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more
-     sanitary due to limited circulation.
-(10) Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on
-     D-Day.
-%
 		The STAR WARS Song
 	Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:
 
@@ -425,28 +317,6 @@ System going down in 60 seconds
 
 
 %
-	"... The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!"
-	"Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?" Alice said, trying to
-feel interested.
-	"No, you don't understand," the Knight said, looking a little
-vexed.  "That's what the name is called.  The name really is, 'The Aged
-Aged Man.'"
-	"Then I ought to have said "That's what the song is called'?"
-Alice corrected herself.
-	"No, you oughtn't:  that's quite another thing!  The song is
-called 'Ways and Means':  but that's only what it is called you know!"
-	"Well, what is the song then?" said Alice, who was by this time
-completely bewildered.
-	"I was coming to that," the Knight said.  "The song really is
-"A-sitting on a Gate":  and the tune's my own invention."
-		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
-%
-	A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was
-eating his morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality
-test", said the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
-	Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into
-the toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
-%
 	A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
 about whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their
 arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
@@ -494,32 +364,6 @@ insignificant," said the master.
 lesson is over for today," he said.
 		-- "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
-the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
-pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion.  "Well, it's quite
-nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if ..."
-	"If what?"  asked the composer.
-	"If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
-%
-	A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which
-removes most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to
-doing nothing.  Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
-amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner.  Certain hardware
-limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in the
-larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
-power-down sequence.
-	An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the
-building, which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has
-bugs in it, since it usually inhibits the systems which keep the beer
-cool.
-%
-	A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came
-upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
-"That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow
-man".
-	As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
-he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
-%
 	After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
 Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
 and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
@@ -533,24 +377,6 @@ make his own."
 	It was so granted.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He
-knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with
-great restraint.
-	As he designs the first work, frill after frill and
-embellishment after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away
-to be used "next time".  Sooner or later the first system is finished,
-and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of
-that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
-	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
-When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will
-confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems,
-and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that
-are particular and not generalizable.
-	The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using
-all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first
-one.  The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
-		-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
-%
 	An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
 in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
 	"Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
@@ -561,24 +387,6 @@ hour seems like a minute."
 moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-	"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
-asked the father of his little son.
-	"Diet."
-%
-	Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
-took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his
-followers.
-	One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
-there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
-	"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his
-commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile?  What is your
-Purpose in Life, anyway?"
-	Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".  (The
-Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
-	Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened.
-	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
-		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
-%
 	COMMENT
 
 Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
@@ -621,14 +429,6 @@ direction for a while, then goes in the other direction.  This prevents
 harmful electron buildup in the wires.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-	Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
-mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as
-"Garfield Gets Spayed", and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you
-how to be excellent: "In Search of Excellence", "Finding Excellence",
-"Grasping Hold of Excellence", "Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night
-So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
 Wall Street indices predicted nine out of the last five recessions 
 		-- Paul A. Samuelson, Nobel laureate in economics.
 		   (Newsweek, Science and Stocks, 19 Sep. 1966.)
@@ -694,20 +494,6 @@ mistakes, in later years President Harding carried on his affairs in a
 tiny closet in the White House Cabinet Room while Secret Service men
 stood lookout.
 %
-	Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the
-month.  According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people
-are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China.
-	The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either
-(depending on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax
-tadpole".
-	Bite the wax tadpole.
-	There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
-	The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's
-hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to
-bite a wax tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad,
-but broad satiric vistas do not open up.
-		-- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle
-%
 	Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's
 willing to pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop
 for lumber, hardware, and toasters all in one location.  Notice I say
@@ -725,12 +511,6 @@ an electronic calculator, and then say, "We're expecting a shipment of
 these sometime around the middle of next week".
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-	How many seconds are there in a year?  If I tell you there are
-3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it.  On the other hand,
-who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a
-nanocentury.
-		-- Tom Duff, Bell Labs
-%
 	Hug O' War
 
 I will not play at tug o' war.
@@ -757,44 +537,6 @@ line by code line, the programmer confronts an awful, inevitable truth:
 The ways of human and machine understanding are disjunct.
 		-- Ellen Ullman, "Close to the Machine"
 %
-	"I cannot read the fiery letters," said Frito Bugger in a
-quavering voice.
-	"No," said GoodGulf, "but I can.  The letters are Elvish, of
-course, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Mordor, which
-I will not utter here.  They are lines of a verse long known in
-Elven-lore:
-
-	"This Ring, no other, is made by the elves,
-	Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
-	Ruler of creeper, mortal, and scallop,
-	This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
-	The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
-	The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
-	If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
-	If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
-		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
-%
-	I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty, but because
-we use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently
-leads to violence.  What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say,
-in traffic, is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had
-time to think of witty and learned insults or look them up in the
-library, we could call each other up:
-
-     You: Hello?  Bob?
-     Bob: Yes?
-     You: This is Ed.  Remember?  The person whose parking space you
-          took last Thursday?  Outside of Sears?
-     Bob: Oh yes!  Sure!  How are you, Ed?
-     You: Fine, thanks.  Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is:
-	  "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..."  No, wait.
-	  I mean:  "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill
-	  and ..."  No, wait.  (Sound of reference book thudding onto
-	  the floor.)  S-word.  Excuse me.  Look, Bob, I'm going to
-	  have to get back to you.
-     Bob: Fine.
-		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
-%
 	"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said
 	Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
 till I tell you.  I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for
@@ -911,10 +653,6 @@ spits in the sergeants face.
 	"Murray!"  Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-	No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider
-the furniture!
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
 	Now, you might ask, "How do I get one of those complete home
 tool sets for under $4?"  An excellent question.
 	Go to one of those really cheap discount stores where they sell
@@ -1019,27 +757,6 @@ she said, "that one can't help growing older."
 proper assistance, you might have left off at seven."
 		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-	So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark].
-With a great deal of strategy and effort and shouting, we managed to
-maneuver the shark, over the course of about a half-hour, to a sort of
-corner of the lagoon, so that it had no way to escape other than to
-flop up onto the land and evolve.  Richard and I were inching toward
-it, sort of crouched over, when all of a sudden it turned around and --
-I can still remember the sensation I felt at that moment, primarily in
-the armpit area -- headed right straight toward us.
-	Many people would have panicked at this point.  But Richard and
-I were not "many people."  We were experienced waders, and we kept our
-heads.  We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when you're
-unarmed and a shark that is nearly two feet long turns on you in water
-up to your lower calves: We sprinted I would say 600 yards in the
-opposite direction, using a sprinting style such that the bottoms of
-our feet never once went below the surface of the water.  We ran all
-the way to the far shore, and if we had been in a Warner Brothers
-cartoon we would have run right INTO the beach, and you would have seen
-these two mounds of sand racing across the island until they bonked
-into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
 	"The Good Ship Enterprise" (to the tune of "The Good Ship Lollipop")
 
 On the good ship Enterprise
@@ -1094,23 +811,6 @@ sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to
 compile.  Weary SLOBOL programmers often turn to a related (but
 infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
 %
-	THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #17: SARTRE
-
-Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
-unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just
-are.  Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.
-SARTRE programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at
-parties.
-%
-	THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18: C-
-
-This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
-submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
-best described as a "low-level" programming language.  In fact, the
-language generally requires more C- statements than machine-code
-statements to execute a given task.  In this respect, it is very
-similar to COBOL.
-%
 	THE LESSER-KNOWN PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES #18a: FIFTH
 
 FIFTH is a precision mathematical language in which the data types
@@ -1179,13 +879,6 @@ message:
 	"i hate to bother you, but i just can't relate to that.  can
 	you find the time to try it again?"
 %
-	The men sat sipping their tea in silence.  After a while the
-klutz said, "Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
-
-	"Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other.  "Why?"
-
-	"How should I know?  What am I, a philosopher?"
-%
 	The people of Halifax invented the trampoline.  During the
 Victorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a
 large wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress'
@@ -1212,17 +905,6 @@ and equipped with all modern weapons.  Yet you can save the city."
 	Ningauble shrugged.  "You're a hero.  You should know."
 		-- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
 %
-	THE WOMBAT
-
-The wombat lives across the seas,
-Among the far Antipodes.
-He may exist on nuts and berries,
-Or then again, on missionaries;
-His distant habitat precludes
-Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
-But I would not engage the wombat
-In any form of mortal combat.
-%
 	THEORY
 Into love and out again,
 	Thus I went and thus I go.
@@ -1273,70 +955,12 @@ This morning I don't have Hunter Thompson's disease.
 		   from "A Political Disease", Vonnegut's review of "Fear
 		   and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72"
 %
-	To A Quick Young Fox:
-Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp,
-Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice?
-Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp --
-Zow!  Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice.
-		-- Lazy Dog
-%
-	"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly.  "In the past
-year strange and fearful wonders I have seen.  Fields sown with barley
-reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their
-artichoke hearts.  There has been a hot day in December and a blue
-moon.  Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon
-Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen.  The earth splits and the
-entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots.  The face of the
-sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips."
-
-	"But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.
-
-	"Beats me," said Goodgulf with a shrug, "but I thought it made
-good copy."
-		-- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"
-%
-	WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL:
-
-Firings will continue until morale improves.
-%
-	We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.
-But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle
-Haggard song at a French restaurant. ...
-	I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of
-her milk white BMW and her Jordache smile.  There had been a fight.  I
-had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls.  Everyone
-told him, "You ride the bull, senor.  You do not fight it."  But he was
-lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull.  And then he
-fought me.  And when we finished there were no winners, just men doing
-what men must do. ...
-	"Stop the car," the girl said.  There was a look of terrible
-sadness in her eyes.  She knew about the woman of the tollway.  I knew
-not how.  I started to speak, but she raised an arm and spoke with a
-quiet and peace I will never forget.
-	"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the
-tollway belle's for thee."
-	The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was
-a lie.  Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I
-poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day.
-		-- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
-		   Competition
-%
-	"What do you give a man who has everything?" the pretty
-teenager asked her mother.
-	"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
-%
 	"What's that thing?"
 	"Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in
 computer repair.  Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
 it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
 		-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
 %
-	When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure
-clarified your attitude toward him.  You have given a definite answer
-to a definite problem.  For better or worse you have acted decisively.
-	In a way, the next move is up to him.
-		-- R. A. Lafferty
-%
 	"You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon
 airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in
 deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me
@@ -1361,30 +985,6 @@ you earn your MDL degree from MIT Tech your future will be brighter.
 
 		SEND FOR OUR FREE BROCHURE TODAY!
 %
-	You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
-Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
-parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-		-- Sherlock Holmes
-%
-	Your home electrical system is basically a bunch of wires that
-bring electricity into your home and take if back out before it has a
-chance to kill you.  This is called a "circuit".  The most common home
-electrical problem is when the circuit is broken by a "circuit
-breaker"; this causes the electricity to back up in one of the wires
-until it bursts out of an outlet in the form of sparks, which can
-damage your carpet.  The best way to avoid broken circuits is to change
-your fuses regularly.
-	Another common problem is that the lights flicker.  This
-sometimes means that your electrical system is inadequate, but more
-often it means that your home is possessed by demons, in which case
-you'll need to get a caulking gun and some caulking.  If you're not
-sure whether your house is possessed, see "The Amityville Horror", a
-fine documentary film based on an actual book.  Or call in a licensed
-electrician, who is trained to spot the signs of demonic possession,
-such as blood coming down the stairs, enormous cats on the dinette
-table, etc.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
       _
   _  / \			   o
  / \ | |		       o	   o		 o
@@ -1431,35 +1031,17 @@ pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!"
 ... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you
 have turned into a pile of dust.
 %
-... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
-was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-"... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
-quotations."
-		-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
-%
-"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 "... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
 picturesque liar."
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
 %
-... And malt does more than Milton can
-To justify God's ways to man
-		-- A. E. Housman
-%
 "... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
 your own."
         	-- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter
 		   Preposterous Words
 %
-... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
-		-- J. B. White
-%
 ... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
 %
 ... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can
@@ -1473,17 +1055,6 @@ sorcery for which so many suffered death.  If there were no witches,
 human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
-intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as
-we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
-that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding
-of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
-example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads --
-makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing
-whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a
-finite or an infinite number.
-		-- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
-%
 ... But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
 		-- Virginia Masters
 %
@@ -1493,9 +1064,6 @@ business, it probably would be gibberish.
 %
  Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
 %
-... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror,
-and you would not have been informed.
-%
 " I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
 instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
 standing still ..."
@@ -1551,11 +1119,6 @@ shopping bag.  If your children object to being tied, threaten to take
 them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
 %
-"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
-lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
-their C programs."
-		-- Robert Firth
-%
 ... Our second completely true news item was sent to me by Mr. H. Boyce
 Connell Jr. of Atlanta, Ga., where he is involved in a law firm.  One
 thing I like about the South is, folks there care about tradition.  If
@@ -1570,29 +1133,6 @@ and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
 and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.
 		-- Voltarine de Cleyre
 %
-... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
-procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as
-to infest the waters.  I would estimate that the primary food source of
-sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making
-documentaries.  Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly
-listless.  The general shark attitude seems to be: "Oh God, another
-documentary."  So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking,
-under the guise of Scientific Research.  "We know very little about the
-effect of electricity on sharks," the narrator will say, in a deeply
-scientific voice.  "That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White
-in the testicles with a cattle prod."  The divers keep this kind of
-thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and
-then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very
-dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all
-along.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
-... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
-consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
-of "Camptown Races".  Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
-listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 "... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ..."
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
@@ -1603,52 +1143,10 @@ other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
 charity we can only call "inhuman."
 		-- R. A. Lafferty
 %
-... This striving for excellence extends into people's personal lives
-as well.  When '80s people buy something, they buy the best one, as
-determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.  Eighties people
-buy imported dental floss.  They buy gourmet baking soda.  If an '80s
-couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a reservation three
-weeks in advance, and they are informed that their table is available,
-they stalk out immediately, because they know it is not an excellent
-restaurant.  If it were, it would have an enormous crowd of
-excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their beepers going
-off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant wouldn't have
-a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli.
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
-%
-(1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
-(2) Great generals are forewarned.
-(3) Forewarned is forearmed.
-(4) Four is an even number.
-(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
-(6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
-
-Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
-%
-(1) Everything depends.
-(2) Nothing is always.
-(3) Everything is sometimes.
-%
-100 buckets of bits on the bus
-100 buckets of bits
-Take one down, short it to ground
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
-
-FF buckets of bits on the bus
-FF buckets of bits
-Take one down, short it to ground
-FE buckets of bits on the bus
-
-ad infinitum...
-%
 $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
 which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
 %
-10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
-%
 101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
 	(1)  Scarecrow for centipedes
 	(2)  Dead cat brush
@@ -1682,11 +1180,6 @@ traditions are important in this shallow, mercurial business we find
 ourselves in.
 		-- Jordan K. Hubbard
 %
-$3,000,000
-%
-"355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
-simulation!"
-%
 43rd Law of Computing:
 	Anything that can go wr
 fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
@@ -1715,74 +1208,21 @@ Six in the third place means:
 	In former times men built altars to honor the Internal Revenue
 	Service.  Great Dragons!  Are you in trouble!
 %
-99 blocks of crud on the disk,
-99 blocks of crud!
-You patch a bug, and dump it again:
-100 blocks of crud on the disk!
-
-100 blocks of crud on the disk,
-100 blocks of crud!
-You patch a bug, and dump it again:
-101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
-%
-A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
-responsibility at the other.
-%
 A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
 		-- Carl Sandburg
 %
-A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
-of a divorce.
-		-- Don Quinn
-%
-A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
-and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
 adds up to be real money.
 		-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
 %
 A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
 %
-A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
-%
-A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
-%
-A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
-enlightened him with ours.
-%
-A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
-as afterward.
-%
-A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
-poor to protect them from each other.
-%
-A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
-%
-A child can go only so far in life without potty training.  It is not
-mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty
-trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 A child of five could understand this!  Fetch me a child of five.
 %
-A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
-Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
-%
-A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
-won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
-		-- Bill Vaughan
-%
-A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
-		-- Herbert Prochnow
-%
 A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
 wants to read.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-A closed mouth gathers no foot.
-%
 A computer, to print out a fact,
 Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 	But this output can be
@@ -1790,11 +1230,6 @@ Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 If the input was short of exact.
 		-- Gigo
 %
-A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
-%
-A CONS is an object which cares.
-		-- Bernie Greenberg
-%
 A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
 is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
 %
@@ -1805,66 +1240,25 @@ A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the
 damned things is ample.
 		-- Rebecca West
 %
-A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-		-- Ben Franklin
-%
 A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
 And had an affair with a Saracen.
 	She was not oversexed,
 	Or jealous or vexed,
 She just wanted to make a comparison.
 %
-A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
-lantern.
-		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
-%
-A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
-%
-A day without sunshine is like night.
-%
-A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur
-coat.
-%
 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
 you will look forward to the trip.
 %
-A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
-%
-A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 A dozen, a gross, and a score,
 Plus three times the square root of four,
 	Divided by seven,
 	Plus five times eleven,
 Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
 %
-A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
-Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
-Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
-with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the
-Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor."  The Hacker then quickly
-pressed the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while
-simultaneously hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick
-Interlisp Manual.  The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
-%
-A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
-subject.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-A fool must now and then be right by chance.
-%
-A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
-of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
-elephant.
-%
 A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into
 superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
-		-- D. Gries
-%
 "A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
 dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension."
 		-- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
@@ -1887,25 +1281,6 @@ A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
 But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *____that ___had __to ____mean _________something*.
 		-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
 %
-A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
-of).
-%
-A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
-Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific
-game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball would have
-traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there,
-preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
-A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
-placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or
-rolled into the rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results
-from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball
-and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
-ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical
-phenomena.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
 A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
 into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
 hope of greening the landscape of idea.
@@ -1916,65 +1291,15 @@ gets lost, he simply drops the fiber on the ground, waits ten minutes,
 then asks the backhoe operator for directions.
                 -- Bill Bradford <mrbill@mrbill.net>
 %
-A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
-rearranging their prejudices.
-		-- William James
-%
 A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest
 man a century.
 %
-A hypothetical paradox:
-	What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security
-team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of
-Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
-		-- Tom Galloway
-%
-A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
-C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
-E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
-G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
-I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
-K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
-M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
-O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
-Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
-S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
-U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
-W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
-Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
-		-- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
-%
 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
 %
 A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide
 who has the better lawyer.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
-A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
-%
-A lady with one of her ears applied
-To an open keyhole heard, inside,
-Two female gossips in converse free --
-The subject engaging them was she.
-"I think", said one, "and my husband thinks
-That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"
-As soon as no more of it she could hear
-The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
-"I will not stay," she said with a pout,
-"To hear my character lied about!"
-		-- Gopete Sherany
-%
-A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
-not worth knowing.
-%
-A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
-in than some that do.
-		-- Dennis M. Ritchie
-%
-A large number of installed systems work by fiat.  That is, they work
-by being declared to work.
-		-- Anatol Holt
-%
 A Law of Computer Programming:
 	Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
 will find the programmers cannot write in English.
@@ -1991,88 +1316,20 @@ nothing.
 A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
 		-- H. H. Munroe
 %
-A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
-%
-A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.  Buy the negatives at any
-price.
-%
 A Los Angeles judge ruled that "a citizen may snore with immunity in
 his own home, even though he may be in possession of unusual and
 exceptional ability in that particular field."
 %
-A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
-		-- Steve Wright
-%
-A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.  I
-believe everything positively stinks.
-		-- Lew Col
-%
-A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
-
-"However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
-sense of obligation."
-		-- Stephen Crane
-%
-A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
-%
 A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
 %
-A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
-on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
-game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
-pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
-along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
-heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
-around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
-direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
-paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
-colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
-fall over gently onto their backs.
-		-- Audobon Society Magazine
-
-2001-02-02, from http://news.bbc.co.uk:
-
-For five weeks, a team from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS)
-monitored 1,000 king penguins on the island of South Georgia as
-Lynx helicopters passed overhead.
-
-"Not one king penguin fell over when the helicopters came over,"
-said team leader Dr Richard Stone.
-
-"As the aircraft approached, the birds went quiet and stopped
-calling to each other, and adolescent birds that were not associated
-with nests began walking away from the noise. Pure animal instinct,
-really."
-
-The conclusion, said Dr Stone, is that flights over 305 metres
-(1,000 feet) caused "only minor and transitory ecological effects"
-on king penguins.
-%
 A mouse is a device used to point at the xterm you want to type in.
 %
-A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out
-on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed
-loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom
-do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
-%
 A new dramatist of the absurd
 Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
 	I learn from my spies
 	He's about to devise
 An unprintable three-letter word.
 %
-A new koan:
-
-	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
-
-	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
-
-It is an ice cream koan.
-%
-A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
-Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now
-has no excuse for further procrastination.
-%
 A New York City judge ruled that if two women behind you at the movies
 insist on discussing the probable outcome of the film, you have the
 right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
@@ -2084,35 +1341,8 @@ A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
 "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
 		-- Mahatma Ghandi
 %
-A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power
-off and on.  Knight, seeing what the student was doing spoke sternly:
-"You can not fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no
-understanding of what is going wrong."  Knight turned the machine off
-and on.  The machine worked.
-%
-A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
-%
-A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
-A penny saved is ridiculous.
-%
 A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
 %
-A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
-		-- George Wald
-%
-A pig is a jolly companion,
-Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
-A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
-Though mountains may topple and tilt.
-When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
-When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
-Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover,
-You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
-You'll never go wrong with a pig!
-		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
-%
 "A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
 		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
 %
@@ -2136,8 +1366,6 @@ That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know what Freight was
 too.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
-%
 "A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
 of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
 series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric
@@ -2149,24 +1377,11 @@ defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the
 information in the first place."
 		-- IEEE Grid news magazine
 %
-A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
-your wife will give you for free.
-%
 A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be
 too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which
 was intended for her preservation.
 		-- Colton
 %
-A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
-"you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
-the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
-to make a travesty of the game.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
-"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results blacked
-out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon."
-		-- Steel City News
-%
 "A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."
 %
 A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
@@ -2185,50 +1400,17 @@ Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight,
 shall snuff it."
 		-- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
 %
-A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
-that the system works.
-%
 A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
 the real reason.
 %
-A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
-objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
-scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added
-concentration needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three
-dimensional objects ...
-%
 A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
 not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
 rosewater.
 %
-A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
-contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
-		-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-%
-A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will
-keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those
-that are worth committing.
-		-- Samuel Butler
-%
-A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
-		-- Prof. Steiner
-%
-A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
-		-- O'Henry
-%
 A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
 bad measures.
 		-- Daniel Webster
 %
-A student, in hopes of understanding the Lambda-nature, came to
-Greenblatt.  As they spoke a Multics system hacker walked by.  "Is it
-true," asked the student, "that PL-1 has many of the same data types as
-Lisp?"  Almost before the student had finished his question, Greenblatt
-shouted, "FOO!", and hit the student with a stick.
-%
-A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
-exam.
-%
 A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
 undreamed of by its author.
 		-- S. C. Johnson
@@ -2245,18 +1427,9 @@ A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention,
 and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
-blowing first.
-%
 A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
 triangle.
 %
-A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
-%
-A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
-in students.
-		-- John Ciardi
-%
 "A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
 		-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
 %
@@ -2266,51 +1439,18 @@ Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
 	To combine work and play:
 She sells C shells by the seashore.
 %
-A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
-replaces it with.
-		-- Tennessee Williams
-%
 A very intelligent turtle
 Found programming UNIX a hurdle
 	The system, you see,
 	Ran as slow as did he,
 And that's not saying much for the turtle.
 %
-A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
-getting nervous.
-%
-"A witty saying proves nothing."
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
 people's attention.
 %
-"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
-admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
-remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
-reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
-is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
-using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
-matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
-		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
-%
-A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
-in God.
-%
-A.A.A.A.A.:
-	An organization for drunks who drive
-%
 AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
 You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!
 %
-Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
-%
-"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
-ends."
-		-- Herbert Hoover
-%
-Absence makes the heart go wander.
-%
 Absent, adj.:
 	Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
 slandered.
@@ -2330,55 +1470,22 @@ Absurdity, n.:
 opinion.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
-because the stakes are so low.
-		-- Wallace Sayre
-%
 Accident, n.:
 	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
 body is better.
 %
-Accidents cause History.
-
-If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the
-Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not
-have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil
-could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and
-the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest:  "No person
-shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than
-fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening
-of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of
-the returns."
-%
 According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
 once a year.
 %
-According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
-		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
-%
-According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are
-totally worthless.
-%
 According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
 dies.
 %
-"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
-live in America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came
-in twenty-fifth.  Here in New York we really don't care too much.
-Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime."
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 Accordion, n.:
 	A bagpipe with pleats.
 %
 Accuracy, n.:
 	The vice of being right
 %
-Acid -- better living through chemistry.
-%
 Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
 %
 Acquaintance, n.:
@@ -2386,19 +1493,11 @@ Acquaintance, n.:
 enough to lend to.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from
-coughing."
-%
 Actor:	"I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
 	everyone glued in their seats!"
 Oliver Herford:	"Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Clever of you to think of
 	it!"
 %
-Actor:	So what do you do for a living?
-Doris:	I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
-	dishes for Chinese restaurants.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
 %
 ADA, n.:
@@ -2436,31 +1535,6 @@ It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
 more advanced than the lichen family.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
-After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
-%
-After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not
-for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have
-simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
-		-- P. J. O'Rourke
-%
-After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
-on the bench.
-%
-After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
-names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
-Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
-many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
-Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
-different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
-developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
-attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
-to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
-skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
-injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
-hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
-that it sinks like a stone.
-		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
-%
 "After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
 the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
 cost to others, to win advancement."
@@ -2468,20 +1542,10 @@ cost to others, to win advancement."
 %
 After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
 %
-After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe
-everything.  Just in case.
-%
-After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
-cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
-removed.
-%
 Afternoon, n.:
 	That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
 morning.
 %
-Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a
-change.
-%
 Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
@@ -2509,33 +1573,12 @@ unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
 up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
 		-- An analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
 %
-Air is water with holes in it
-%
-Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
-%
 Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied: "You see, wire
 telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New
 York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?
 And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they
 receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat."
 %
-Alden's Laws:
-	(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
-	    of pregnancy.
-	(2) Always be backlit.
-	(3) Sit down whenever possible.
-%
-Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
-Aleph-null bottles of beer,
-	You take one down, and pass it around,
-Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
-%
-Alex Haley was adopted!
-%
-Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting
-for a dial tone.
-%
 Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
 them keeps paying for it.
 		-- Peggy Joyce
@@ -2553,28 +1596,16 @@ without thinking.
 		-- Isiah
 Smoke a friend today.
 %
-All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
-%
 All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
 importance.
 %
 All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
 %
-All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
 All men are mortal.  Socrates was mortal.  Therefore, all men are
 Socrates.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-"All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us
-sane."
-%
-"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
-specific."
-		-- Jane Wagner
-%
 All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
 		-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
 %
@@ -2584,8 +1615,6 @@ the United States.
 %
 All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
 %
-All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
-%
 All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of
 every organism to live beyond its income.
 		-- Samuel Butler
@@ -2593,12 +1622,6 @@ every organism to live beyond its income.
 All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 		-- E. Rutherford
 %
-"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
-hands."
-		-- Saint Patrick
-%
-All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
-%
 All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can,
 too, provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you
 subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you
@@ -2616,9 +1639,6 @@ All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by
 the government in less than a second.
 		-- Jim Fiebig
 %
-All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
-		-- Sean O'Casey
-%
 All the world's a VAX,
 And all the coders merely butchers;
 They have their exits and their entrails;
@@ -2639,8 +1659,6 @@ All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
 All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
 fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
 %
-All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
-%
 All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
 infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
 which he was born.
@@ -2680,22 +1698,6 @@ penny saved is a penny earned."  Eventually he had to be given a job
 running the post office.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-Although written many years ago, Lady Chatterley's Lover has just been
-reissued by the Grove Press, and this pictorial account of the
-day-to-day life of an English gamekeeper is full of considerable
-interest to outdoor minded readers, as it contains many passages on
-pheasant-raising, the apprehending of poachers, ways to control vermin,
-and other chores and duties of the professional gamekeeper.
-Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade through many pages of extraneous
-material in order to discover and savour those sidelights on the
-management of a midland shooting estate, and in this reviewer's opinion
-the book cannot take the place of J. R. Miller's "Practical
-Gamekeeping."
-		-- Ed Zern, "Field and Stream" (Nov. 1959)
-%
-Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
-back.
-%
 Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
 %
 "Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
@@ -2707,18 +1709,6 @@ Ambidextrous, adj.:
 	Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
-		-- Charlie McCarthy
-%
-America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
-to decadence without touching civilization.
-		-- John O'Hara
-%
-America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him,
-until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and
-changed its name to "America".
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective
 employees be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for
 employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference
@@ -2726,20 +1716,10 @@ between the men's room and the women's room without having little
 pictures on the doors.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
 %
-"Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it."
-%
 An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because
 people refuse to see it.
 		-- James Michener, "Space"
 %
-An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
-is always polite to traffic cops.
-%
-"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
-New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
-not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
 %
 An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
@@ -2754,38 +1734,11 @@ murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."
 An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you
 really care to know.
 %
-An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
-%
-An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
-%
 An English judge, growing weary of the barrister's long-winded
 summation, leaned over the bench and remarked, "I've heard your
 arguments, Sir Geoffrey, and I'm none the wiser!"  Sir Geoffrey
 responded, "That may be, Milord, but at least you're better informed!"
 %
-An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
-		-- A. P. Herbert
-%
-An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He
-wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is
-advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and
-Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
-incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote
-excellence:
-
-"The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
-discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
-to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting
-things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch
-parts or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a
-timeless statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who
-doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful.
-Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high
-school.  Because of his acne.  People who are probably nowhere near as
-successful as he is now.  Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and
-they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.  Hahahahahahahahaha."
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
 An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
 %
 An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God.  Some of these
@@ -2793,32 +1746,17 @@ eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as
 possible.
 		-- Russell Hoban, "Pilgermann"
 %
-An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
-%
 "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge."
 %
 Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
 government at all.
 %
-And as we stand on the edge of darkness
-Let our chant fill the void
-That others may know
-
-	In the land of the night
-	The ship of the sun
-	Is drawn by
-	The grateful dead.
-
-		-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
-%
 And I heard Jeff exclaim,
 As they strolled out of sight,
 "Merry Christmas to all --
 You take credit cards, right?"
 		-- "Outsiders" comic
 %
-And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
-%
 And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and
 fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it
 looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own.  One
@@ -2834,20 +1772,6 @@ Orson Welles.
 "...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
 courtesy detail."
 %
-And this is a table ma'am.  What in essence it consists of is a
-horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical
-columnar supports, which we call legs.  The tables in this laboratory,
-ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the
-world.
-		-- Michael Frayn, "The Tin Men"
-%
-And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
-a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
-tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
-tragedy face to face, we have politics.
-		-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and
-		   Ground Cover"
-%
 Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
 Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.
 		-- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
@@ -2856,15 +1780,11 @@ Angels we have heard on High
 Tell us to go out and Buy.
 		-- Tom Lehrer
 %
-Ankh if you love Isis.
-%
 Anoint, v.:
 	To grease a king or other great functionary already
 sufficiently slippery.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
-%
 Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
 television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
 and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
@@ -2874,43 +1794,15 @@ offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath.
 Anthony's Law of Force:
 	Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
 %
-Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
-	Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible
-	corner of the workshop.
-
-Corollary:
-	On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike
-	your toes.
-%
 Antonym, n.:
 	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
 %
-Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
-		-- Charles McCabe
-%
 Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a
 representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a
 representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone
 capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.
 		-- Richard Schickel
 %
-Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
-		-- Aesop
-%
-Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that
-this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a
-whole week.
-%
-Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
-sell it.
-%
-Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche
--- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance,
-my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off
-the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
-undoubtedly true.
-		-- Solomon Short
-%
 Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
 %
@@ -2918,9 +1810,6 @@ Any problem in computer science can be solved with another layer
 of indirection.
 		-- David Wheeler
 %
-Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
-object.
-%
 Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
 exactly the point of most pressure.
 		-- Milt Barber
@@ -2928,25 +1817,12 @@ exactly the point of most pressure.
 Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
 		-- Rich Kulawiec
 %
-Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
-demo.
-%
 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
 %
 Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
 something.
 %
-Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
-		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
-%
-Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
-%
-Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is
-probably parked.
-%
-Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
-%
 Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
 supposed to be doing at the moment.
 		-- Robert Benchley
@@ -2962,9 +1838,6 @@ is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
 make messes in the house.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
 %
-Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
-		-- Samuel Goldwyn
-%
 Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
 		-- W. C. Fields
 %
@@ -2978,41 +1851,14 @@ tried taking candy from a baby.
 %
 Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
 %
-Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.  The label means the
-price went up.  The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
-means the price went way up.
-%
 Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
 %
-Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
-%
 "Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
 %
-Aphorism, n.:
-	A concise, clever statement.
-Afterism, n.:
-	A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
-		-- James Alexander Thom
-%
 APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
 the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
 coding bums.
 %
-"APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
-can't read any of them."
-		-- Roy Keir
-%
-Aquadextrous, adj.:
-	Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
-with your toes.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
-AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
-	You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
-	You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to
-	be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
-	mistakes over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
-%
 Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
 	Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
 general can be said."
@@ -3025,99 +1871,29 @@ Are you a turtle?
 "Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
-	You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You
-	are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are
-	not very nice.
-%
-Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
-shoes.
-		-- Mickey Mouse
-%
-Armadillo:
-	To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
-%
-Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
-	(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
-	(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
-	(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
-	    first two laws.
-%
 Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
 measure progress.  Some cathedrals took a century to complete.  Can you
 imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-Art is anything you can get away with.
-		-- Marshall McLuhan.
-%
 Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
 		-- Paul Gauguin
 %
-Arthur's Laws of Love:
-	(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
-	    remind them of someone else.
-	(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
-	    delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
-	    yourself in person.
-%
-Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
-%
 As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
 interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
 perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
 "that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
 %
-"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
-certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I
-became a scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can
-meet girls."
-		-- Matt Cartmill
-%
 As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
 certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
-As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
-		-- Weisert
-%
-As I was going up Punch Card Hill,
-	Feeling worse and worser,
-There I met a C.R.T.
-	And it drop't me a cursor.
-
-C.R.T., C.R.T.,
-	Phosphors light on you!
-If I had fifty hours a day
-	I'd spend them all at you.
-
-		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
-%
-As I was passing Project MAC,
-I met a Quux with seven hacks.
-Every hack had seven bugs;
-Every bug had seven manifestations;
-Every manifestation had seven symptoms.
-Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks,
-How many losses at Project MAC?
-%
-As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great
-industries are secure.  We hear about constitutional rights, free
-speech and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to
-myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a
-real American talk like that.
-		-- Frank Hague (1896-1956)
-%
-As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
-%
 As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
 fascination.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
 popular.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
-%
 "As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
 programs; a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
 		-- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
@@ -3130,23 +1906,10 @@ that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
 finding mistakes in my own programs.
 		-- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
 %
-As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
-so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
 is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free
-variable."
-%
-As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple
-memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time
-to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A,
-E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.
-		-- Sandra Boynton, "Chocolate: The Consuming Passion"
-%
 As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would
 interfere with flight.  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the
 Wright Brothers.  They were watching birds one day, trying to figure
@@ -3171,22 +1934,11 @@ over the ground.  The instant before you croak, you hear the whoosh of
 a vacuum being filled by the air surrounding your head.  Worse yet, the
 spider is suing you for damages.
 %
-As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
-%
-ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
-%
-Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
-one went to Harvard).
-		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
-%
 Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
 Station-to-Station rate.
 %
 Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
 %
-Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the
-bathtub, it tolls for thee.
-%
 Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
 for an answer.
 %
@@ -3198,17 +1950,6 @@ she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'"
 Ass, n.:
 	The masculine of "lass".
 %
-Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.
-Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be
-strengthened.  Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum.
-Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check
-and dying broke.
-		-- Stanley Walker
-%
-"At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a participant from Los
-Angeles fainted from hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head
-under the exhaust of a bus until he revived."
-%
 At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is
 not.  But obviously it cannot be where it is not.  And if it is where
 it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.
@@ -3233,26 +1974,11 @@ some UNIX,
 
         Just Say No!
 %
-At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
-challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
-		-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
-%
 "At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
 %
-At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
-thumb with a hammer.
-		-- Marshall Lumsden
-%
-At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
-find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
-the computer.
-%
 Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
 or street lamp.
 %
-Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
 depths they were once able to plumb.
 		-- Stanley Kaufman
@@ -3264,12 +1990,6 @@ pedestrians.
 Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-Avoid reality at all costs.
-%
-"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
-we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
-		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
-%
 Bacchus, n.:
 	A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
 getting drunk.
@@ -3283,27 +2003,10 @@ obscenity.  Grammatically separable; one may speak of "biting the
 bag".  Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS, BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS,
 CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
 %
-Bagdikian's Observation:
-	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American
-newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a
-ukulele.
-%
-Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
-	A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
-by governors.
-%
-Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
-%
 Banectomy, n.:
 	The removal of bruises on a banana.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
-%
-Barach's Rule:
-	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
-physician.
-%
 Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
 floor -- especially in the dark.
 %
@@ -3319,10 +2022,6 @@ types, and those who don't.
 Baruch's Observation:
 	If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
 %
-Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high
-taxes.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
 Basic is a high level languish.
 APL is a high level anguish.
 %
@@ -3337,11 +2036,6 @@ Bathquake, n.:
 faucet is turned on to a certain point.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
-door.
-%
-BE ALERT!!!!  (The world needs more lerts ...)
-%
 Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely
 get your Feet wet.  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your
 face.
@@ -3349,16 +2043,6 @@ face.
 %
 Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
 %
-Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Be different: conform.
-%
-Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
-get used to it.
-%
-Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
-%
 Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
 miss
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
@@ -3372,9 +2056,6 @@ Begathon, n.:
 	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
 you won't have to watch commercials.
 %
-Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh
-away.
-%
 Beifeld's Principle:
 	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and
 receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is
@@ -3383,13 +2064,6 @@ looking and richer male friend.
 %
 "Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"  <huff, huff>
 %
-Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
-%
-Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
-	(1) Houses are for people to live in.
-	(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
-	(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
-%
 "Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
 		-- Time Bandits
 %
@@ -3419,8 +2093,6 @@ why."
 WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
 %
-Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.
-%
 Better dead than mellow.
 %
 better !pout !cry
@@ -3442,32 +2114,12 @@ for (goodness sake) {
 	be good
 }
 %
-Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson
-Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.
-Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and
-great effort pushing boulders into a single word.
-
-It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
-Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
-equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
-destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass
-both Parliament and Party.
-
-It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
-planets, this may be the first message received from us.
-		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
-%
 "Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
 tried it."
 		-- Donald Knuth
 %
 Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
 %
-Beware of low-flying butterflies.
-%
-Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
-		-- Leonard Brandwein
-%
 Beware of self-styled experts: an ex is a has-been, and a spurt is a
 drip under pressure.
 %
@@ -3477,15 +2129,9 @@ murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
 their ignorance the hard way."
 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
 %
-Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but
-nothing of interest is easy.
-%
 Binary, adj.:
 	Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
 %
-"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
-thing as division."
-%
 Bipolar, adj.:
 	Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo,
 New York
@@ -3494,8 +2140,6 @@ Birth, n.:
 	The first and direst of all disasters.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic
-%
 Bizoos, n.:
 	The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
 basketball.
@@ -3503,15 +2147,10 @@ basketball.
 %
 Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
 %
-Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as
-Wheels.
-%
 BLISS is ignorance
 %
 Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
 %
-Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
-%
 Blore's Razor:
 	Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is
 funnier.
@@ -3522,21 +2161,11 @@ it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.  In fact, he was
 arrested for drunk driving.  The snakes left because people kept
 throwing up on them.
 %
-Boling's postulate:
-	If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
-%
-Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
-	Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
-vividly manifests their lack of progress.
-%
 Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
 	Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
 %
 BOO!  We changed Coke again!  BLEAH!  BLEAH!
 %
-Boob's Law:
-	You always find something in the last place you look.
-%
 Bore, n.:
 	A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
 		-- Walter Winchell
@@ -3550,12 +2179,6 @@ Boren's Laws:
 	(2) When in trouble, delegate.
 	(3) When in doubt, mumble.
 %
-Boss, n.:
-	According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages
-the words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
-in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
-ornamental stud."
-%
 Boston, n.:
 	Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
 finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
@@ -3568,16 +2191,10 @@ straightened out for a crowbar.
 Boy, life takes a long time to live
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-Boy, n.:
-	A noise with dirt on it.
-%
 Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least
 when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
 		-- James Thurber
 %
-Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
-		-- Kin Hubbard
-%
 Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the
 unique: an actually rather serious technical book which is not only
 (gasp) vehemently anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend
@@ -3585,26 +2202,6 @@ to think of it as `Constructive Snottiness.'
 		-- Mike Padlipsky, Foreword to "Elements of Networking
 		   Style"
 %
-Bradley's Bromide:
-	If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
-committee -- that will do them in.
-%
-Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
-	When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
-easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger have
-handled this?"
-%
-Brain fried -- Core dumped
-%
-Brain, n.:
-	The apparatus with which we think that we think.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]:
-	To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of
-error in an opponent.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests,
 since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
@@ -3613,33 +2210,12 @@ Bride, n.:
 	A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Bringing computers into the home won't change either one, but may
-revitalize the corner saloon.
-%
-British Israelites:
-	The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of
-Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by
-Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further
-believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the
-Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in
-the hand of the Arabs.  They also believe that if you sleep with your
-head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Broad-mindedness, n.:
-	The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
-%
 Brontosaurus Principle:
 	Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them
 in relation to their environment and to their own physiology:  when
 this occurs, they are an endangered species.
 		-- Thomas K. Connellan
 %
-Brooke's Law:
-	Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
-discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it
-beyond recognition.
-%
 Brooks's Law:
 	Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
 %
@@ -3658,9 +2234,6 @@ Bubble Memory, n.:
 	A derogatory term, usually referring to a person's
 intelligence.  See also "vacuum tube".
 %
-Bucy's Law:
-	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
-%
 Bug, n.:
 	An aspect of a computer program which exists because the
 programmer was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he
@@ -3679,18 +2252,10 @@ GENERAL:    "What does that make YOU?"
 BULLWINKLE: "What else?  An executive..."
 		-- Jay Ward
 %
-Bumper sticker:
-
-"All the parts falling off this car are of the very finest British
-manufacture"
-%
 Bureaucrat, n.:
 	A person who cuts red tape sideways.
 		-- J. McCabe
 %
-Bureaucrat, n.:
-	A politician who has tenure.
-%
 Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
 %
 Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
@@ -3705,28 +2270,9 @@ Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
 "But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations
 paws."
 %
-"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
-%
-But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
-system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
-analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
-		-- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing
-		   Compilers"
-%
 "But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
 to the nearest gas station."
 %
-But scientists, who ought to know
-Assure us that it must be so.
-Oh, let us never, never doubt
-What nobody is sure about.
-		-- Hilaire Belloc
-%
-But soft you, the fair Ophelia:
-Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws,
-But get thee to a nunnery -- go!
-		-- Mark "The Bard" Twain
-%
 But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who
 was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal
 education and lived in New Jersey.  Edison's first major invention in
@@ -3748,34 +2294,9 @@ ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate
 increases.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"But this has taken us far afield from interface, which is not a bad
-place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
-Why do people have so much trouble understanding the kludge?  What is a
-kludge, after all, but not enough Ks, not enough ROMs, not enough RAMs,
-poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?  Have I
-explained yet about the bytes?"
-%
 "But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
 computers?"
 %
-Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
-Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn;
-Less dear than army ants in apple pies
-Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn,
-Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit;
-Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose
-They suck, and like the double-breasted suit
-Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose,
-Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed;
-And stem the produce of thy waspish wits:
-Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
-Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
-Be off, I say; go bug somebody new,
-Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
-%
-By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task
-completely overwhelm you.
-%
 "By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.  In fact,
 it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
 invent. (R. Emerson)"
@@ -3788,10 +2309,6 @@ invent. (R. Emerson)"
 to suspect 'Hungry' ..."
 		-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
 %
-By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I
-mean.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to
 point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
 fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
@@ -3802,13 +2319,6 @@ wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
 they wanted to be.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-C, n.:
-	A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more
-like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or
-anything else.  It is either the best language available to the art
-today, or it isn't.
-		-- Ray Simard
-%
 Cabbage, n.:
 	A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
 a man's head.
@@ -3817,31 +2327,15 @@ a man's head.
 "Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."
 		-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
 %
-Cahn's Axiom:
-	When all else fails, read the instructions.
-%
-California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
 California, n.:
 	From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or
 Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
 "fornication."  Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex."
 		-- Ed Moran
 %
-Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
-		-- Indian proverb
-%
 "Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
 Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
 %
-"Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle."
-		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
-%
-"Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth
-Corner, Vermont."
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
 Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two
 points.
 		-- M. M. Johnston
@@ -3852,11 +2346,6 @@ Canada Bill Jone's Motto:
 Supplement:
 	A .44 magnum beats four aces.
 %
-Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.  It's 2 cents
-for postage and 30 cents for storage.
-		-- Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial
-		   Post
-%
 Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
 Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
 A root or two, a torus and a node:
@@ -3869,32 +2358,12 @@ problems.  They think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things
 off.  That's why you'll never make anything of yourself.  Most welfare
 recipients are Cancer people.
 %
-Canonical, adj.:
-	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true
-story:  One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some
-annoyance at the use of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a
-point of using jargon as much as possible in his presence, and
-eventually it began to sink in.  Finally, in one conversation, he used
-the word "canonical" in jargon-like fashion without thinking.
-	Steele: "Aha!  We've finally got you talking jargon too!"
-	Stallman: "What did he say?"
-	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
-%
 CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
 	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
 much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn of any
 importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as
 they take root and become trees.
 %
-Captain Penny's Law:
-	You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
-the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
-%
-Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than
-expected.  Carefully planned projects take four times longer to
-complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their
-planning to reduce the time it takes.
-%
 Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and
 trousers that don't match.
 %
@@ -3910,8 +2379,6 @@ Cat, n.:
 Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
-%
 CChheecckk  yyoouurr  dduupplleexx  sswwiittcchh..
 %
 Cecil, you're my final hope
@@ -3931,16 +2398,6 @@ Then I will *___and* I won't see you in Schrodinger's zoo.
 		-- Randy F., Chicago, "The Straight Dope, a compendium
 		   of human knowledge" by Cecil Adams
 %
-Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
-%
-Celestial navigation is based on the premise that the Earth is the
-center of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation
-works.  An incorrect model can be a useful tool.
-		-- Kelvin Throop III
-%
-Census Taker to Housewife: Did you ever have the measles, and, if so,
-how many?
-%
 Cerebus:	I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
 Jaka:		Look, Cerebus-- Jaka has to tell you ... something
 Cerebus:	If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy
@@ -3949,30 +2406,6 @@ Jaka:		Ugh!
 Cerebus:	You don't like apricot brandy?
 		-- Cerebus #6, "The Secret"
 %
-Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long
-walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They
-then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy
-health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old,
-not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
-only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the
-others who have tried it.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--
-	Did you ever try buying them without money?
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Character Density, n.:
-	The number of very weird people in the office.
-%
-Checkuary, n.:
-	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and
-ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his
-checks.
-%
-Chef, n.:
-	Any cook who swears in French.
-%
 Chemicals, n.:
 	Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
 %
@@ -3984,21 +2417,8 @@ Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
 Chicago, n.:
 	Where the dead still vote ... early and often!
 %
-Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36:
-	Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn
-headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
-		-- Chicago Reader 3/27/81
-%
-Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84:
-	The CTA has complimentary pop-up timers available on request
-for overheated passengers.  When your timer pops up, the driver will
-cheerfully baste you.
-		-- Chicago Reader 5/28/82
-%
 Chicken Little only has to be right once.
 %
-Chicken Little was right.
-%
 Chicken Soup, n.:
 	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
 cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure
@@ -4008,24 +2428,6 @@ is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
 Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every
 effort to teach them good manners.
 %
-Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
-going to catch you in next.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
-And that's what parents were created for.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for
-word what you shouldn't have said.
-%
-Chism's Law of Completion:
-	The amount of time required to complete a government project is
-precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
-%
-Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law:
-	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
-%
 Chivalry, Schmivalry!
 	Roger the thief has a
 	method he uses for
@@ -4038,10 +2440,6 @@ Folks who are reading are
 Christ:
 	A man who was born at least 5,000 years ahead of his time.
 %
-Churchill's Commentary on Man:
-	Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the
-time he will pick himself up and continue on.
-%
 Cigarette, n.:
 	A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
 between.
@@ -4051,29 +2449,12 @@ Cinemuck, n.:
 covers the floors of movie theaters.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Clairvoyant, n.:
-	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
-which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
 shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
 		-- Phyllis Diller
 %
-Cleanliness is next to impossible.
-%
-"Cleveland?  Yes, I spent a week there one day."
-%
 Cleveland still lives.  God ____must be dead.
 %
-Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
-%
-Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on
-society.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
-%
 Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
 %
 Code rot -- mostly caused by people redefining "fresh".
@@ -4090,9 +2471,6 @@ Coincidence, n.:
 	You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was
 going on.
 %
-Coincidences are spiritual puns.
-		-- G. K. Chesterton
-%
 Cold, adj.:
 	When the local flashers are handing out written descriptions.
 %
@@ -4104,30 +2482,6 @@ Collaboration, n.:
 	A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
 other fellow can spell.
 %
-College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the
-faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if
-the trustees played.  There would be a great increase in broken arms,
-legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the
-loss to humanity.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-Colvard's Logical Premises:
-	All probabilities are 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it
-	won't.
-
-Colvard's Unconscionable Commentary:
-	This is especially true when dealing with someone you're
-	attracted to.
-
-Grelb's Commentary
-	Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
-%
-Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
-And every vector dreams of matrices.
-Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
-It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
-		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
-%
 Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
 Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
 Their indices bedecked from one to _n,
@@ -4167,45 +2521,23 @@ different speeds.  A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
 Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
 		-- Josh Billings
 %
-Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness
 of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule."
 		-- David Guaspari
 %
-Computer programmers do it byte by byte
-%
 Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems
 theory.
 %
-Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
-%
-Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.
-		-- Pablo Picasso
-%
 Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in
 the world that just don't add up.
 %
 Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
 than the estimate the job will cost.
 %
-Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-		-- LaRouchefoucauld
-%
 Concept, n.:
 	Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
 $25,000.
 %
-Condense soup, not books!
-%
-Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
-good for dandruff.
-		-- Peter de Vries
-%
-Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the
-situation.
-%
 Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
 would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
 you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
@@ -4234,17 +2566,12 @@ Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
-%
 Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
 wish you weren't.
 %
 "Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."
 		-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
 %
-Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then
-give it back to them.
-%
 "Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and
 if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic!"
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
@@ -4256,12 +2583,6 @@ Conversation, n.:
 	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
 is called the listener.
 %
-Conway's Law:
-	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
-	what is going on.
-
-	This person must be fired.
-%
 Coronation, n.:
 	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and
 visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite
@@ -4271,47 +2592,18 @@ bomb.
 Corrupt, adj.:
 	In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
 %
-Corrupt, stupid grasping functionaries will make at least as big a
-muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and acquisitive employers can
-make of capitalism.
-		-- Walter Lippmann
-%
 Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner.  His job
 is to enforce the law and fight crime.
 		-- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan
 %
-Court, n.:
-	A place where they dispense with justice.
-		-- Arthur Train
-%
 Coward, n.:
 	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with
-nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
-Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
-		-- A. E. Neuman
-%
-Critic, n.:
-	A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
-to please him.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
-Croll's Query:
-	If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made of?
-%
 cursor address, n:
 	"Hello, cursor!"
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
-eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
-business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
-		-- Johnny Hart
-%
 Cynic, n.:
 	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
 as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
@@ -4325,8 +2617,6 @@ eye.
 Dare to be naive.
 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
 %
-Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
-%
 Dave Mack:	"Your stupidity, Allen, is simply not up to par."
 Allen Gwinn:	"Yours is."
 %
@@ -4334,32 +2624,14 @@ Dawn, n.:
 	The time when men of reason go to bed.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
-%
 %DCL-E-MEMBAD, bad memory
 -SYSTEM-F-VMSPDGERS, pudding between the ears
 %
-Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve.  Success is also
-easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.  Work hard to
-improve.
-%
 Dear Lord:
 	I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
 the other hand", again.
 %
 Dear Miss Manners:
-	My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
-elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
-courses, is all right.  Which is correct?
-
-Gentle Reader:
-	For the purpose of answering examinations in your home
-economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this
-principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now
-than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners
-believes that is.
-%
-Dear Miss Manners:
 	Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from
 your face.
 
@@ -4382,28 +2654,6 @@ dead bat?
 Answer: Yes.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
 %
-Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?
-
-Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business
-signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a
-word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
-ANY ITEM'S.  Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when
-creating hand- lettered small-business signs is that you should put
-quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT
-DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Tips for Writer's"
-%
-Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
-%
-Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
-Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
-%
-"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".
-%
-Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down
-%
 Death is only a state of mind.
 
 Only it doesn't leave you much time to think about anything else.
@@ -4414,21 +2664,6 @@ Decision maker, n.:
 	The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
 before the music stopped.
 %
-Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
-overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
-language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
-judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
-addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
-		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing
-		   Assoc.
-%
-"Deep" is a word like "theory" or "semantic" -- it implies all sorts of
-marvelous things.  It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a
-theory", quite another to say "I've got a semantic theory", but, ah,
-those who can claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly
-blessed.
-		-- Randy Davis
-%
 default, n.:
 	[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you,
 mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity.  "Nothing will
@@ -4452,8 +2687,6 @@ Deliberation, n.:
 buttered on.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow."
-%
 Demand the establishment of the government
 in its rightful home at Disneyland.
 %
@@ -4461,10 +2694,6 @@ Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
 we deserve.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
-aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-		-- Senator Soaper
-%
 Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
 incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
@@ -4472,28 +2701,9 @@ incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
 Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
 don't think.
 %
-Democracy is also a form of worship.  It is the worship of Jackals by
-Jackasses.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
 Democracy is good.  I say this because other systems are worse.
 		-- Jawaharlal Nehru
 %
-Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
-are right more than half of the time.
-		-- E. B. White
-%
-Democracy, n.:
-	A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass
-meeting or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.
-Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights.
-Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate,
-whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion,
-prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences.
-Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy.
-		-- U.S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
-		   since withdrawn.
-%
 Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
 board.  Especially with those 14 year-old Valley girls.
 %
@@ -4509,11 +2719,6 @@ The Luddites joined up with the Klan,
 To lynch all the robots they can.
 		-- C. M. and G. A. Maxson
 %
-Dessert is probably the most important stage of the meal, since it will
-be the last thing your guests remember before they pass out all over
-the table.
-		-- The Anarchist Cookbook
-%
 DeVries's Dilemma:
 	If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
 hits the paper.
@@ -4526,10 +2731,6 @@ Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
 Did you know that if you took all the economists in the world and lined
 them up end to end, they'd still point in the wrong direction?
 %
-Did you know ...
-
-That no-one ever reads these things?
-%
 Did you know that the voice tapes easily identify the Russian pilot
 that shot down the Korean jet?  At one point he definitely states:
 
@@ -4538,23 +2739,15 @@ that shot down the Korean jet?  At one point he definitely states:
 
 		-- ihuxw!tommyo
 %
-"Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore would allow such a
-conventional thing to happen to him."
-		-- John Barrymore's dying words
-%
 Die, v.:
 	To stop sinning suddenly.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
 %
-Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
-%
 Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term.
 Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
 %
 Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
 %
-Disc space -- the final frontier!
-%
 Disclaimer: Any resemblance between the above views and those of my
 employer, my terminal, or the view out my window are purely
 coincidental.  Any resemblance between the above and my own views is
@@ -4568,8 +2761,6 @@ Disclaimer: "These opinions are my own, though for a small fee they be
 yours too."
 		-- Dave Haynie
 %
-Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
-%
 Distinctive, adj.:
 	A different color or shape than our competitors.
 %
@@ -4583,30 +2774,9 @@ damage inflicted on the vehicle.
 %
 Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?
 %
-Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
-%
-Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
-%
-Do not drink coffee in early a.m.  It will keep you awake until noon.
-%
-Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to
-anger.
-%
 "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
 with ketchup."
 %
-Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
-Violators will be prosecuted.
-(Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
-%
-Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
-%
-Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
-day as it comes.
-		-- Donald Kaul
-%
-Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
-%
 Do what comes naturally now.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
 %
 Do you have lysdexia?
@@ -4614,20 +2784,10 @@ Do you have lysdexia?
 Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take
 the time to take the dirt out of them?
 %
-"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
-"Of course it's wrong!  It's illegal!"
-"I've never done anything illegal before."
-"I thought you said you were an accountant!"
-%
 Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
 when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
 		-- Dick Brandon
 %
-Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
-be good because the programmers hate it so much.
-%
-Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
-%
 Don:    I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill!  Was she
 	pretty?
 W. C.:  Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
@@ -4640,67 +2800,16 @@ W. C.:	It's almost impossible.
 %
 Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
 %
-Don't be humble ... you're not that great.
-		-- Golda Meir
-%
-Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
-%
 Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
 		-- Joe Cointment
 %
-"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
-sincerely, extremely dangerously.
-
-They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
-They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They
-used intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used
-finks.  They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used
-fallaron.  They used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.
-They used the bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.
-They used treachery.  They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.
-They used applied physics.  They used techniques of criminology.  And
-what the hell, they caught him.
-
-		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the
-		   Tick-Tock Man"
-%
-Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!
-%
-Don't feed the bats tonight.
-%
-Don't get even -- get odd!
-%
-Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
-misleading.  Debug only code.
-		-- Dave Storer
-%
-"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
-you nothing.  It was here first."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
-%
-Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
-%
 Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
 %
-Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
-%
-Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
-%
-Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking
-distance.
-%
 Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
 %
-Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
-%
 Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy
 it today you can do it again tomorrow.
 %
-"Don't say yes until I finish talking."
-		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
-%
 Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business.
 Cheat.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
@@ -4713,8 +2822,6 @@ Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
 %
 Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
 %
-Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
-%
 "Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
 get more wax!!"
 %
@@ -4722,19 +2829,6 @@ Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
 avoiding you.
 		-- The Old Farmer's Almanac
 %
-"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
-good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
-		-- Howard Aiken
-%
-Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.  It's already
-tomorrow in Australia.
-		-- Charles Schultz
-%
-Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.  They're too
-busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
-%
-Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
-%
 Double-Blind Experiment, n.:
 	An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is
 fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied by a
@@ -4742,19 +2836,8 @@ belief in the tooth fairy.
 %
 Down with categorical imperative!
 %
-"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing."
-%
-Drew's Law of Highway Biology:
-	The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front
-of your eyes.
-%
 Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
 %
-Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
-%
-Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic
-route!
-%
 Ducharme's Axiom:
 	If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
 yourself as part of the problem.
@@ -4762,16 +2845,6 @@ yourself as part of the problem.
 Ducharme's Precept:
 	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
 %
-Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side, and
-it holds the universe together ...
-		-- Carl Zwanzig
-%
-Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders
-has been discontinued.
-%
-Due to circumstances beyond your control, you are master of your fate
-and captain of your soul.
-%
 Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been
 discontinued.
 %
@@ -4782,17 +2855,11 @@ times, often with lin~po_~{po       ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po	 ~y oodsou>#w4k**
 nothing whatever to do with it."
 		-- W. Somerset Maugham
 %
-E Pluribus Unix
-%
 Eagleson's Law:
 	Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more
 months, might as well have been written by someone else.  (Eagleson is
 an optimist, the real number is more like three weeks.)
 %
-Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends
-%
-/earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
-%
 Earth is a beta site.
 %
 "Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
@@ -4807,23 +2874,6 @@ means the puzzle is solved.
 %
 "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work."
 %
-Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
-Economics, n.:
-	Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K.
-Galbraith ...
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Economists can certainly disappoint you.  One said that the economy
-would turn up by the last quarter.  Well, I'm down to mine and it
-hasn't.
-		-- Robert Orben
-%
-Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
-percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
-		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
-%
 Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
@@ -4833,9 +2883,6 @@ Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
 Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak!
 		-- Bullwinkle Moose
 %
-Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
-		-- Adlai Stevenson
-%
 Eggnog is a traditional holiday drink invented by the English.  Many
 people wonder where the word "eggnog" comes from.  The first syllable
 comes from the English word "egg", meaning "egg".  I don't know where
@@ -4844,21 +2891,10 @@ the "nog" comes from.
 To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine gin and, if they are in
 season, eggs...
 %
-Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
-of being a damned fool.
-		-- Bellamy Brooks
-%
 Egotist, n.:
 	A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Ehrman's Commentary:
-	(1) Things will get worse before they get better.
-	(2) Who said things would get better?
-%
-Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
-		-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
-%
 Eleanor Rigby
 	Sits at the keyboard
 	And waits for a line on the screen
@@ -4871,38 +2907,10 @@ What is it for?
 All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
 All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
 %
-Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
-%
-Electrocution, n.:
-	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
-%
-Elevators smell different to midgets
-%
-Emerson's Law of Contrariness:
-	Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we
-can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
-%
-Encyclopedia Salesmen:
-	Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
-and tell them your house is being burgled.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
-Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
-		-- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
-%
-Entropy isn't what it used to be.
-%
-Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
-otherwise require harder thinking.
-		-- Jerome Lettvin
-%
 Epperson's law:
 	When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
 something his wife can beat him at.
 %
-Equal bytes for women.
-%
 Error in operator: add beer
 %
 Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
@@ -4911,34 +2919,10 @@ Und aller-m"umsige Burggoven
 	Dir mohmen R"ath ausgraben.
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Etymology, n.:
-	Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
-were hard for the public to believe.  The term "etymology" was formed
-from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy"
-("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow."
-		-- Mike Kellen
-%
-Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
-speak it to?
-		-- Clarence Darrow
-%
-"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
-there."
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-"Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral."
-		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
-%
 Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
 States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only two cents a
 day.
 %
-Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
-just how busy they are.
-%
 Ever since prehistoric times, wise men have tried to understand what,
 exactly, make people laugh.  That's why they were called "wise men."
 All the other prehistoric people were out puncturing each other with
@@ -4950,8 +2934,6 @@ My wife is available.  No.  How about ..."
 %
 Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
 %
-Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
-%
 Every four seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this
 woman and stop her.
 %
@@ -4987,14 +2969,8 @@ Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
 %
 Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
 %
-Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
-		-- Don Vonada
-%
 "Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95."
 %
-Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
-		-- Miguel de Cervantes
-%
 "Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
 richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work"
 		-- Robert Orben
@@ -5003,10 +2979,6 @@ Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis.
 
 It makes sense, when you don't think about it.
 %
-Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
-instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every
-program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
-%
 Every program has two purposes -- one for which it was written and
 another for which it wasn't.
 %
@@ -5014,19 +2986,6 @@ Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
 %
 Every solution breeds new problems.
 %
-Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no
-guarantee of eventual success.
-%
-"Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it."
-%
-Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
-		-- Beckett
-%
-Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
-		-- Dykstra
-%
-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-%
 Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be
 taught how ___not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
 %
@@ -5047,9 +3006,6 @@ different way ...
 %
 Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
 %
-Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
-no one we know belongs.
-%
 Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
 that a belch is more satisfying.
 		-- Ingmar Bergman
@@ -5059,40 +3015,16 @@ something you know.
 		-- Dag-Erling Smorgrav,
 		   June 1999, FreeBSD-Stable Mailing List
 %
-Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
-%
-Everything you know is wrong!
-%
-Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
-obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
-solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
-There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
-straight lines.
-		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
-%
 Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike office water cooler.
 %
 Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
 %
-Excellent day to have a rotten day.
-%
-Excellent time to become a missing person.
-%
-Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
-acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham
-%
 Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
 %
 Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
 the work.
 		-- John G. Pollard
 %
-Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
-%
-Expense Accounts, n.:
-	Corporate food stamps.
-%
 Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 		-- Olivier
 %
@@ -5100,16 +3032,6 @@ Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake
 when you make it again.
 		-- F. P. Jones
 %
-Experience is the worst teacher.  It always gives the test first and
-the instruction afterward.
-%
-Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old
-ones.
-%
-Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
-%
-Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
-%
 Expert, n.:
 	Someone who comes from out of town and shows slides.
 %
@@ -5138,48 +3060,16 @@ F:	When into a room I plunge, I
 	On the poison they're exuding.
 		-- The Roguelet's ABC
 %
-f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
-%
-f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
-%
-F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
-%
 Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
 %
 Fairy Tale, n.:
 	A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
 %
-Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
-without looking to see whether the seeds move.
-%
-Faith, n:
-	That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be
-untrue.
-%
-Fakir, n:
-	A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost
-religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to
-have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
-%
-Familiarity breeds attempt
-%
-Families, when a child is born
-Want it to be intelligent.
-I, through intelligence,
-Having wrecked my whole life,
-Only hope the baby will prove
-Ignorant and stupid.
-Then he will crown a tranquil life
-By becoming a Cabinet Minister
-		-- Su Tung-p'o
-%
 Famous, adj.:
 	Conspicuously miserable.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
 Famous last words:
-%
-Famous last words:
 	(1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
 	(2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
 	(3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
@@ -5202,24 +3092,8 @@ forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches
 are a pretty neat idea ...
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
-every six months.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Fats Loves Madelyn
-%
 Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions ...
 %
-Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents didn't have any children,
-neither will you.
-%
-Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
-	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
-
-Corollary:
-	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you
-live.
-%
 Fifth Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that
 there is nothing important to do.
@@ -5232,9 +3106,6 @@ Unnaturally fleet.
 Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North
 Carolina.
 %
-Finagle's Creed:
-	Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
-%
 Finagle's First Law:
 	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
 %
@@ -5247,23 +3118,10 @@ Finagle's Second Law:
 someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it
 happened according to his own pet theory.
 %
-Finagle's Third Law:
-	In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct,
-	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake
-
-Corollaries:
-	(1) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
-	(2) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
-	    don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
-%
 Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture
 on a rock.
 		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
 %
-Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
-%
-Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
-%
 Fine's Corollary:
 	Functionality breeds Contempt.
 %
@@ -5290,41 +3148,20 @@ First Corollary of Taber's Second Law:
 	Machines that piss people off get murdered.
 		-- Pat Taber
 %
-First Law of Bicycling:
-	No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the
-wind.
-%
 First Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility
 for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed
 the deadline).
 %
-First Law of Socio-Genetics:
-	Celibacy is not hereditary.
-%
-First Rule of History:
-	History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each
-other.
-%
 "First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
 		-- Dr. Who, "Doctor Who"
 %
-Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
-		-- Robert Firth
-%
 Flappity, floppity, flip
 The mouse on the m"obius strip;
 	The strip revolved,
 	The mouse dissolved
 In a chronodimensional skip.
 %
-FLASH!  Intelligence of mankind decreasing.  Details at ... uh, when
-the little hand is on the ....
-%
-Flon's Law:
-	There is not now, and never will be, a language in which it is
-the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
-%
 Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her
 husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer!  My joules!  Someone has stolen my
 joules!"
@@ -5359,22 +3196,11 @@ flowcharts with no particular object in mind.  6. v.trans. To obfuscate
 (a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-Flugg's Law:
-	When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the
-world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
-%
 Flying saucers on occasion
 	Show themselves to human eyes.
 Aliens fume, put off invasion
 	While they brand these tales as lies.
 %
-Fog Lamps, n.:
-	Excessively (often obnoxiously) bright lamps mounted on the
-fronts of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
-driver's brain is in a fog.
-
-See also "Idiot Lights".
-%
 Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.
 		-- Walt Kelly, "Putluck Pogo"
 %
@@ -5387,16 +3213,10 @@ cat.
 %
 "For an adequate time call 555-3321"
 %
-For an idea to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be
-always old-fashioned.
-%
 For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat,
 and wrong.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-		-- R. Clopton
-%
 For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
 %
 For my son, Robert, this is proving to be the high-point of his entire
@@ -5416,26 +3236,6 @@ For perfect happiness, remember two things:
 	(1) Be content with what you've got.
 	(2) Be sure you've got plenty.
 %
-For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
-"Canada".  Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
-		-- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to
-		   the U.S.
-%
-For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
-%
-"For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
-a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the last step of doing away with
-computers altogether?"
-		-- Jehan Shuman
-%
-For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they
-like.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but
-phone calls taper off."
-		-- Johnny Carson
-%
 For what it's worth, if you -can- get Michelle Pfeiffer to model
 a latex daemon suit for the catalog, I strongly suggest you do.
 Breasts can sell anything. Shiny red latex body suits start
@@ -5443,18 +3243,8 @@ religions.
 
 		-- Brian McGroarty <bvmcg@yahoo.com>
 %
-For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
-But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
-Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-		-- Justin Richardson
-%
 For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
 %
-Forgetfulness, n.:
-	A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their
-destitution of conscience.
-%
 Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
 %
 FORTRAN, "the infantile disorder", by now nearly 20 years old, is
@@ -5479,13 +3269,6 @@ Edsger Dijkstra's Evaluations of Programming Languages (c. 1982)
 %
 fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
 %
-FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS!	#6
-
-RAZORBACK:			Paul Harbride, 1984, 2 hours 25 min.
-	One of the great Australian films of the early 1980's, and
-	arguably the best movie ever made about a large, man-eating
-	hog.  Some violence.  With Gregory Harrison.
-%
 Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samuri
 sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
 
@@ -5516,33 +3299,10 @@ with a club.  The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females
 weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it
 apply to female horses.
 %
-Fortune's nomination for All-Time Champion and Protector of Youthful
-Morals goes to Representative Clare E. Hoffman of Michigan.  During an
-impassioned House debate over a proposed bill to "expand oyster and
-clam research," a sharp-eared informant transcribed the following
-exchange between our hero and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.
-
-DINGELL: There are places in the world at the present time where we are
-	 having to artificially propagate oysters and clams.
-HOFFMAN: You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?
-DINGELL: They may or may not be natural.  The simple fact of the matter
-	 is that female oysters through their living habits cast out
-	 large amounts of seed and the male oysters cast out large
-	 amounts of fertilization ...
-HOFFMAN: Wait a minute!  I do not want to go into that.  There are many
-	 teenagers who read The Congressional Record.
-%
 Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:
 
 	Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
 %
-FORTUNE'S PARTY TIPS		#14
-
-Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to your good
-liquor at BYOB parties?  Take along a candle, which you insert and
-light after you've opened the bottle.  No one ever expects anything
-drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.
-%
 Fortune's Real-Life Courtroom Quote #18:
 
 Q:  Are you married?
@@ -5607,18 +3367,6 @@ A:  He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
 Q:  Did he kill you?
 A:  No.
 %
-Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
-	The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
-instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
-
-Corollary:
-	Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do
-except study for that instructor's course.
-%
-Fourth Law of Revision:
-	It is usually impractical to worry beforehand about
-interferences -- if you have none, someone will make one for you.
-%
 Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:  If the probability of success is not
 almost one, it is damn near zero.
 		-- David Ellis
@@ -5640,9 +3388,6 @@ FreeBSD Trivia:
 control by beheading their predecessor?
 		-- Robert Watson
 %
-Fresco's Discovery:
-	If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
-%
 Friends, Romans, Hipsters,
 Let me clue you in;
 I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him.
@@ -5745,49 +3490,26 @@ experience in sound:
 	5.  Turn the handle to the right 90 degrees.  The pin-spreading
 	    sound is normal for this type of connector.
 %
-From too much love of living,
-From hope and fear set free,
-We thank with brief thanksgiving,
-Whatever gods may be,
-That no life lives forever,
-That dead men rise up never,
-That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
-		-- Swinburne
-%
 Fuch's Warning:
 	If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
 enough to travel.
 %
-Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
-	Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
-%
 Furbling, v.:
 	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
 even when you are the only person in line.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
-		-- H. H. Williams
-%
-Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
-%
 G. B. Shaw to William Douglas Home: "Go on writing plays, my boy.  One
 of these days a London producer will go into his office and say to his
 secretary, `Is there a play from Shaw this morning?' and when she says
 `No,' he will say, `Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish.' And
 that's your chance, my boy."
 %
-Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
-%
 Garter, n.:
 	An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her
 stockings and desolating the country.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Gauls!  We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall
-on our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
-		-- Adventures of Asterix
-%
 Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
 
 	Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound
@@ -5816,69 +3538,11 @@ because you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much
 for too little.  This means you are cheap.  Geminis are known for
 committing incest.
 %
-GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
-	Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while
-you can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
-and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
-trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
-%
-Genderplex, n.:
-	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
-determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
-tortoises).
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
-Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why
-you should.
-%
-Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
-handicapped.
-		-- Elbert Hubbard
-%
-Genius, n.:
-	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with
-"bright".
-%
 George Orwell 1984.  Northwestern 0.
 		-- Chicago Reader 10/15/82
 %
-George Orwell was an optimist.
-%
-George Washington was first in war, first in peace -- and the first to
-have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
-		-- Ashley Cooper
-%
-Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
-	(1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong
-	    direction.
-	(2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
-	(3) The energy required to change either one of these states
-	    will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so
-	    much as to make the task totally impossible.
-%
-Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
-%
 Get Revenge!  Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
 %
-Ginsberg's Theorem:
-	(1) You can't win.
-	(2) You can't break even.
-	(3) You can't even quit the game.
-
-Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
-	Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem
-	meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's
-	Theorem.  To wit:
-
-	(1) Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
-	(2) Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break
-	    even.
-	(3) Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the
-	    game.
-%
-Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place
-to stand, and I will drain the world.
-%
 "Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."
 		-- Napolean
 %
@@ -5887,35 +3551,15 @@ Give me the Luxuries, and the Hell with the Necessities!
 Give thought to your reputation.  Consider changing name and moving to
 a new town.
 %
-Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
-%
-"Given the choice between accomplishing something and just lying
-around, I'd rather lie around.  No contest."
-		-- Eric Clapton
-%
-Giving up on assembly language was the apple in our Garden of Eden:
-Languages whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful.  The LISP
-machine now permits LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
-		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
-%
-Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
-	Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
-probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some
-useful work done.
-%
 Gnagloot, n.:
 	A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
 impress people.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Go climb a gravity well!
-%
 Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may
 be in owning a piece thereof.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
-%
 God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six
 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
 %
@@ -5930,20 +3574,6 @@ can't find it anywhere.  I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why
 would he lie about a thing like that?
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little ...
-The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty ... I do
-not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman
-... not enough to support a man and five children if he insists on
-smoking and drinking beer.  But the man who cannot live on bread and
-water is not fit to live!  A family may live on good bread and water in
-the morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at
-night!
-		-- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
-%
-God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
-%
-God is a polytheist.
-%
 God is Dead
 		-- Nietzsche
 Nietzsche is Dead
@@ -5951,35 +3581,9 @@ Nietzsche is Dead
 Nietzsche is God
 		-- The Dead
 %
-God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's
-%
-God is real, unless declared integer.
-%
-God is really only another artist.  He invented the giraffe, the
-elephant and the cat.  He has no real style, He just goes on trying
-other things.
-		-- Pablo Picasso
-%
-God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
-		-- Alfred Jarry
-%
-God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
-%
-God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
-%
 God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
-		-- Kronecker
-%
-God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
-%
-God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them.
-%
 God rest ye CS students now,
 Let nothing you dismay.
 The VAX is down and won't be up,
@@ -6000,45 +3604,6 @@ At Berkeley's 4.2.
 
 	(chorus)
 %
-Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to
-school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a
-person a car.
-%
-Gold, n.:
-	A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution.  It
-is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who
-immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold
-hasn't done anything to them.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-Goldenstern's Rules:
-	(1) Always hire a rich attorney
-	(2) Never buy from a rich salesman.
-%
-Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
-example.
-		-- La Rouchefoucauld
-%
-Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
-%
-Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
-%
-Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
-%
-Good day to let down old friends who need help.
-%
-Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
-%
-Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
-%
-Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
-%
-Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
-new lover.
-%
-"Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored."
-		-- George Saunders' dying words
-%
 Gordon's first law:
 	If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
 well.
@@ -6047,8 +3612,6 @@ Gosh that takes me back... or is it forward?  That's the trouble with
 time travel, you never can tell."
 		-- Dr. Who, "Androids of Tara"
 %
-//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
-%
 Got Mole problems?
 Call Avogadro 6.02 x 10^23
 %
@@ -6063,21 +3626,9 @@ Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage.
 Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are
 different lies.
 %
-Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
-any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
-doesn't know much.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-Grabel's Law:
-	2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
-%
-Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
-%
 Grandpa Charnock's Law:
 	You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
 %
-Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
-%
 Gray's Law of Programming:
 	`_n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same
 time as `_n' tasks.
@@ -6087,9 +3638,6 @@ Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law:
 %
 Great minds run in great circles.
 %
-Green light in a.m. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic
-tickets.
-%
 Greener's Law:
 	Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
 %
@@ -6098,13 +3646,6 @@ Greenspun's Tenth Rule of Programming:
 	an ad hoc informally-specified bug-ridden slow implementation
 	of half of Common Lisp.
 %
-Grelb's Reminder:
-	Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above
-average drivers.
-%
-"Grub first, then ethics."
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
 Gurmlish, n.:
 	The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which
 prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his
@@ -6138,22 +3679,10 @@ H. L. Mencken's Law:
 Martin's Extension:
 	Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
 %
-Hacker's Law:
-	The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a
-nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
-%
-Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
-%
 Hail to the sun god
 He sure is a fun god
 Ra!  Ra!  Ra!
 %
-Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side?  And hain't that a big
-enough majority in any town?
-		-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
-%
-Half Moon tonight.  (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
-%
 Half-done:
 	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still
 crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference
@@ -6169,33 +3698,11 @@ man, "Let me have a nice half-done."
 	Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-Hall's Laws of Politics:
-	(1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
-	(2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something
-	    fixed.
-	(3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend
-	    military spending, and conservatives social spending in
-	    their own districts).
-%
 Hand, n.:
 	A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
 commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Hanlon's Razor:
-	Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
-stupidity.
-%
-Hanson's Treatment of Time:
-	There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days
-before Saturday.
-%
-Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
-		-- Oscar Levant
-%
 Happiness, n.:
 	An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
 another.
@@ -6203,9 +3710,6 @@ another.
 %
 Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances?
 %
-Hardware, n.:
-	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
-%
 Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark
 The Duke is fond of kittens
 He likes to take their insides out
@@ -6220,13 +3724,6 @@ Hark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender.  You stand
 convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want.
 		-- Tobias Smollet
 %
-Harrisberger's Fourth Law of the Lab:
-	Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment
-ruined.
-%
-Harris's Lament:
-	All the good ones are taken.
-%
 Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he
 makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean
 famous for its wild horses.  I realize that the concept of wild horses
@@ -6238,29 +3735,11 @@ down your tent and poop on your shoes.  We're protected by federal law,
 just like Richard Nixon."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Tenting Grandpa Bob"
 %
-Hartley's First Law:
-	You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float
-on his back, you've got something.
-%
-Hartley's Second Law:
-	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
-%
-Harvard Law:
-	Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
-temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will
-do as it damn well pleases.
-%
 "Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
 "Yes, I don't have one."
 "Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors ..."
 		-- E. D'Azevedo, Computer Science 372
 %
-Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are
-typed with the left hand?  Now the layout of the QWERTYUIOP typewriter
-keyboard was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use
-of both hands.  It follows, therefore, that writing about databases is
-not only unnatural, but a lot harder than it appears.
-%
 Hatred, n.:
 	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
 superiority.
@@ -6279,10 +3758,6 @@ only serves to blunt the warning signs.
 		Long live the revolution!
 		Have a nice day.
 %
-Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying to tell
-you, "There's a time for work and a time for play," never find the time
-for play?
-%
 Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?  Besides drugs,
 I mean.  The answer is hot tubs.  A hot tub is a redwood container
 filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite
@@ -6295,9 +3770,6 @@ they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week.
 "Have you lived here all your life?"
 "Oh, twice that long."
 %
-Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a
-crack in your sidewalk?
-%
 Have you noticed the way people's intelligence capabilities decline
 sharply the minute they start waving guns around?
 		-- Dr. Who
@@ -6315,133 +3787,26 @@ perversion."
 %
 "He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions"
 %
-He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
-perfectly delightful.
-		-- Sydney Smith
-%
-He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and
-heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope
-of ever behaving "normally."
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
-%
-He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-"He is now rising from affluence to poverty."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
 %
-He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
-		-- John Mason Brown, drama critic
-%
-He thought he saw an albatross
-That fluttered 'round the lamp.
-He looked again and saw it was
-A penny postage stamp.
-"You'd best be getting home," he said,
-"The nights are rather damp."
-%
 He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
 		-- Jonathon Swift
 %
 "He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him
 insufferable."
 %
-"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both
-eyes ..."
-%
-He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry
-attacks democracy itself.
-		-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
-%
-He who Laughs, Lasts.
-%
-Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
-%
-Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
-of nothing.
-		-- Redd Foxx
-%
 Heaven, n.:
 	A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
 their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you
 expound your own.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Heavy, adj.:
-	Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
-%
 "Heisenberg may have slept here"
 %
-Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-		-- Milton Friedman
-%
-Heller's Law:
-	The first myth of management is that it exists.
-
-Johnson's Corollary:
-	Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the
-organization.
-%
-"Hello," he lied.
-		-- Don Carpenter quoting a Hollywood agent
-%
-Help!  I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
-%
-HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
-		-- E. E. CUMMINGS
-%
-Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
-%
 Help fight continental drift.
 %
 Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
 %
-Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
-%
-Her locks an ancient lady gave
-Her loving husband's life to save;
-And men -- they honored so the dame --
-Upon some stars bestowed her name.
-
-But to our modern married fair,
-Who'd give their lords to save their hair,
-No stellar recognition's given.
-There are not stars enough in heaven.
-%
-"Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from
-Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth ..."
-%
-Here I sit, broken-hearted,
-All logged in, but work unstarted.
-First net.this and net.that,
-And a hot buttered bun for net.fat.
-
-The boss comes by, and I play the game,
-Then I turn back to net.flame.
-Is there a cure (I need your views),
-For someone trapped in net.news?
-
-I need your help, I say 'tween sobs,
-'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs.
-%
-Here in my heart, I am Helen;
-	I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
-I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Sta"el;
-	I'm Salome, moon of the East.
-
-Here in my soul I am Sappho;
-	Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
-In me R'ecamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
-	With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.
-
-I'm all of the glamorous ladies
-	At whose beckoning history shook.
-But you are a man, and see only my pan,
-	So I stay at home with a book.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical
 lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach
 your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.
@@ -6464,20 +3829,8 @@ finger would explode!  But this is nothing to worry about unless you
 have carpeting.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like
-`Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
-		-- Jay Leno
-%
-"He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ..."
-%
-He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd be
-there ... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
-%
 "He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
 %
-Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.  If they didn't have bugs,
-then they'd be algorithms.
-%
 "Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
 		-- W. C. Fields
 %
@@ -6494,10 +3847,6 @@ of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.
 motto is:  'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'"
 		-- Dave Barry, "Pain and Suffering"
 %
-Hi there!  This is just a note from me, to you, to tell you, the person
-reading this note, that I can't think up any more famous quotes, jokes,
-nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
-%
 Hier liegt ein Mann ganz ohnegleich;
 Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
 Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt,	Here lies a man with sundry flaws
@@ -6518,8 +3867,6 @@ Psychoanalysis --
 Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
 I just love Mom."
 %
-Hindsight is an exact science.
-%
 Hippogriff, n.:
 	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
 The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle.
@@ -6528,21 +3875,9 @@ is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of zoology is full
 of surprises.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Hire the morally handicapped.
-%
 "His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
 money, he went to Southern California."
 %
-"His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice"
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier."
-%
-History is curious stuff
-	You'd think by now we had enough
-Yet the fact remains I fear
-	They make more of it every year.
-%
 History, n.:
 	Papa Hegel he say that all we learn from history is that we
 learn nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from
@@ -6550,20 +3885,6 @@ what happened this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long
 view.
 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
 %
-History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
-%
-Hlade's Law:
-	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person -- they
-will find an easier way to do it.
-%
-Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
-	Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get
-out.
-%
-Hofstadter's Law:
-	It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
-Hofstadter's Law into account.
-%
 Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it.
 		-- Rex Reed
 %
@@ -6573,42 +3894,20 @@ The ultimate in watchdog weaponry.
 %
 "Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"
 %
-Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
-		-- F. M. Hubbard
-%
 Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
 %
-Honk if you love peace and quiet.
-%
 Honorable, adj.:
 	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
 bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the
 honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Horngren's Observation:
-	Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
-%
-Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on
-people.
-		-- W. C. Fields
-%
 Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
 %
-"Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed."
-		-- Neil Armstrong
-%
-How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
-%
 How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
 %
-How come wrong numbers are never busy?
-%
 "How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows."
 %
-How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
-		-- Elliot, "E.T."
-%
 How doth the little crocodile
 	Improve his shining tail,
 And pour the waters of the Nile
@@ -6620,16 +3919,6 @@ And welcomes little fishes in,
 	With gently smiling jaws!
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
 %
-How doth the VAX's C compiler
-Improve its object code.
-And even as we speak does it
-Increase the system load.
-
-How patiently it seems to run
-And spit out error flags,
-While users, with frustration, all
-Tear their clothes to rags.
-%
 How doth the VAX's C-compiler
 Improve its object code.
 And even as we speak does it
@@ -6640,9 +3929,6 @@ And spit out error flags,
 While users, with frustration, all
 Tear all their clothes to rags.
 %
-How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're
-on.
-%
 How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None: "We'll fix it in software."
 
@@ -6673,8 +3959,6 @@ How to become a sysop:
 	worked a full day in my life since then.
 		-- rho/slashdot
 %
-How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
-%
 HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
 	#1040 Your income tax refund cheque bounces.
 %
@@ -6689,21 +3973,6 @@ HOW YOU CAN TELL THAT IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY:
 Howe's Law:
 	Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
 %
-However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional
-manner ... sulking and nausea.
-		-- Tom K. Ryan
-%
-HR 3128.  Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986.  Martin, R-Ill.,
-motion that the House recede from its disagreement to the Senate
-amendment making changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits.
-The Senate amendment was an amendment to the House amendment to the
-Senate amendment to the House amendment to the Senate amendment to the
-bill.  The original Senate amendment was the conference agreement on
-the bill.  Agreed to.
-		-- Albuquerque Journal
-%
-Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
-%
 Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in
 1929.  Ignoring his department chief, and tying his assistant to an
 operating table to prevent his interference, he placed a urethral
@@ -6712,27 +3981,10 @@ his heart], and walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took
 the confirmatory x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the
 Nobel Prize.
 %
-Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
-%
-"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
-		-- William Gilbert
-%
-Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
-	The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
-to ..... to ........ uh ..............
-%
 Hydrogen: A colorless, odorless, lighter than air gas which, given
 time, turns into people.
                 -- Harlow Shapley
 %
-I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a
-professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any
-other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority.
-		-- Richard M. Nixon
-
-What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?
-		-- Richard M. Nixon
-%
 I am a PC technician - however, this has unfortunately caused my
 computer to be running Win98.
 		-- seen on a FreeBSD mailing-list
@@ -6753,22 +4005,12 @@ inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering."
 %
 I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
 %
-"I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!"
-		-- Paul McCracken
-%
-"I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger."
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
 I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
 		-- Dennis Ritchie
 %
 "I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
 		-- English Professor
 %
-"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
-great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
 has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
 		-- English Professor, Ohio University
@@ -6776,34 +4018,14 @@ has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
 I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
 with an option to buy.
 %
-"I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater."
-%
-"I appreciate the fact that this draft was done in haste, but some of
-the sentences that you are sending out in the world to do your work for
-you are loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway."
-		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
-		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
-%
 "I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
 argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
 steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
 they don't even invite me."
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
-		-- G. K. Chesterton
-%
-"I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat."
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
-"I bet the human brain is a kludge."
-		-- Marvin Minsky
-%
 I brake for chezlogs!
 %
-I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
-		-- Biff Barf
-%
 I can feel for her because, although I have never been an Alaskan
 prostitute dancing on the bar in a spangled dress, I still get very
 bored with washing and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after
@@ -6817,11 +4039,6 @@ I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 true."
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
-"I can resist anything but temptation."
-%
-"I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions."
-		-- Lillian Hellman
-%
 I cannot conceive that anybody will require multiplications at the rate
 of 40,000 or even 4,000 per hour ...
 		-- F. H. Wales (1936)
@@ -6834,33 +4051,12 @@ of slow, painful death in North America," or "Without good grammar, the
 United States would have lost World War II."
 		-- Dave Barry, "An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar"
 %
-"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
-		-- Joe Walsh
-%
-"I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling."
-		-- Florence Henderson
-%
-I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
-understand it.
-		-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
-%
-I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
-novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
 I could dance till the cows come home.  On second thought, I'd rather
 dance with the cows till you come home.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps
-the time I found out that M&Ms really *do* melt in your hand ..."
-		-- Peter Oakley
-%
 "I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
 %
-I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.  The
-curtain was up.
-%
 I do hate sums.  There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
 exact science.  There are permutations and aberrations discernible to
 minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary
@@ -6870,16 +4066,10 @@ bottom up, and then again from the top down, the result is always
 different.
 		-- Mrs. La Touche (19th cent.)
 %
-"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them."
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
 "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
 with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
 		-- Galileo Galilei
 %
-"I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should."
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
 "I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
 don't believe in astrology."
 		-- James R. F. Quirk
@@ -6896,16 +4086,6 @@ a frog jumping on my Breakfast.
 nominating"
 		-- Boss Tweed
 %
-"I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem."
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-"I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of
-people waiting to abuse me."
-		-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
-%
-I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.
-		-- Elvis Presley
-%
 "I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
 eat it, and I just hate it."
 		-- Clarence Darrow
@@ -6913,10 +4093,6 @@ eat it, and I just hate it."
 "I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
 		-- Ronald Mabbitt
 %
-I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
-streets and frighten the horses.
-		-- Victor Hugo
-%
 "I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"
 %
 "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes.  Just then, he vanished.
@@ -6941,23 +4117,6 @@ he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
 becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-"I drink to make other people interesting."
-		-- George Jean Nathan
-%
-I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
-so I woke up from sheer boredom.
-%
-I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the
-accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service.  For
-the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that
-can't be measured in monetary terms.
-
-Personally, I feel that it is well worth 75 cents or even $1 to have
-that unimpeachable excuse whenever I am late to anything: "I came by
-subway."  Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot should
-someday show up and mumble them, any audience would instantly
-understand his long delay.
-%
 "I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
 %
 "I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
@@ -6967,59 +4126,18 @@ reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
 I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
 minutes of my life!
 %
-"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
-		-- Mae West
-%
 I get up each morning, gather my wits.
 	Pick up the paper, read the obits.
 If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
 	So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
 %
-I get up each morning, gather my wits.
-Pick up the paper, read the obits.
-If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
-So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
-
-Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
-My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
-But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
-And think of the places my get-up has been.
-		-- Pete Seeger
-%
 "I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
 Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!"
 		-- Mary Lou Bax
 %
-"I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense."
-%
-"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
-it's going to be up all night."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-"I hate quotations."
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
-I have a simple philosophy:
-
-	Fill what's empty.
-	Empty what's full.
-	Scratch where it itches.
-		-- A. R. Longworth
-%
 "I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
 any time!"
 %
-"I have come up with a sure-fire concept for a hit television show,
-which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'."
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
-I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth
-and they never believe me.
-		-- Camillo Di Cavour
-%
-I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
-		-- Edgar Allan Poe
-%
 "I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
 sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an
 eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working.  I
@@ -7035,14 +4153,6 @@ Which still grates on
 Some people's n'oeuvres.
 		-- Warren Knox
 %
-"I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming
-that I have never made one."
-		-- James Gordon Bennett
-%
-"I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to
-make it shorter."
-		-- Blaise Pascal
-%
 I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole
 ____BODY!
 		-- from "Cerebus" #82
@@ -7050,9 +4160,6 @@ ____BODY!
 "I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-"I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best."
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 "I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
 scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
 		-- Steven Wright
@@ -7069,38 +4176,12 @@ I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
 at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
 		-- Poul Anderson
 %
-"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere."
-%
-"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it."
-%
 I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
 %
-"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."
-		-- Bill Hoest
-%
 I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
 %
-"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
-War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-"I know the answer!  The answer lies within the heart of all mankind!
-The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building."
-		-- Charles Schulz
-%
-"I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me."
-		-- Art Leo
-%
-I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
-promote peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want
-peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
-the way and let them have it.
-		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
-%
 "I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
 %
-"I like your game but we have to change the rules."
-%
 "I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
 entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
 		-- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
@@ -7115,23 +4196,9 @@ don't let appearances fool you.  I'm approaching old age ... at the
 speed of light."
 		-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
 %
-"I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent."
-		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
-%
-"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
-week sometimes to make it up."
-		-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
-%
-I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts
-%
 "I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
 was to go away."
 %
-"I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like."
-%
-I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
-		-- George Bernard Shaw
-%
 "I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
 		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
 %
@@ -7146,10 +4213,6 @@ nerve disease."
 %
 I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
 %
-"I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral
-slob."
-		-- William F. Buckley
-%
 I realize that the MX missile is none of our concern.  I realize that
 the whole point of living in a democracy is that we pay professional
 congresspersons to concern themselves with things like the MX missile
@@ -7164,13 +4227,6 @@ write about, such as nose-picking.
 		-- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
 		   Political Fallout"
 %
-I really hate this damned machine
-I wish that they would sell it.
-It never does quite what I want
-But only what I tell it.
-%
-"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."
-%
 I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
 they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
 		-- Will Rogers
@@ -7213,10 +4269,6 @@ I tried to turn the handle, But ...
 "I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck."
 		-- Graffito in Los Angeles
 %
-"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
-see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
-		-- Shirley Temple
-%
 I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do
 too much damage if it catches fire or explodes.  First you decide which
 direction your hot tub should face for maximum solar energy.  After
@@ -7243,15 +4295,6 @@ Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
 I'll never see a tree at all.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-I think that I shall never see
-A thing as lovely as a tree.
-But as you see the trees have gone
-They went this morning with the dawn.
-A logging firm from out of town
-Came and chopped the trees all down.
-But I will trick those dirty skunks
-And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
-%
 "I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
 to blue, and it has to do with where the light is.  You know, the
 farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light
@@ -7287,25 +4330,6 @@ twenty minutes.  It's about Russia.
 %
 I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
 %
-"I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance."
-%
-"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure."
-%
-"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my
-body.  Then I realized who was telling me this."
-		-- Emo Phillips
-%
-I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
-near the place.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to
-animals.  I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for
-anything connected with society except that which makes the roads
-safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women
-warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.
-		-- Brendan Behan
-%
 "I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
 Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR "HEE
 HAW"!!'"
@@ -7324,36 +4348,15 @@ should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
 get off my driveway."
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.  I said I
-didn't know."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
 their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
 buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.
 		-- Emile Henry Gauvreay
 %
-"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full
-house and four people died."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 "I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
 specific".
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained
-it to expose its weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass
-stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold.
-I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be
-absent -- not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had
-developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case.
-Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's
-temperature to be less than absolute zero.  I had found an error.  I
-chased down the error and fixed it.  Now I had improved the program to
-the point where it would not run at all.
-		-- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black
-		   Holes and the Fate of Stars"
-%
 "I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
 questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
 speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
@@ -7378,17 +4381,6 @@ it took seven others to beat him!
 There's a knob called `brightness', but it doesn't work."
 		-- Gallagher
 %
-"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've
-always worked for me."
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-IBM had a PL/I,
-	Its syntax worse than JOSS;
-And everywhere this language went,
-	It was a total loss.
-%
-"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
-%
 "I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
 to undo it."
 %
@@ -7453,9 +4445,6 @@ Idiot, n.:
 affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
-		-- Roy Santoro
-%
 If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
 at about 30 miles/second.
 		-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
@@ -7463,10 +4452,6 @@ at about 30 miles/second.
 "If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
 		-- Paul White
 %
-If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus
-forecast is a camel's behind.
-		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
-%
 If A equals success, then the formula is _A = _X + _Y + _Z.  _X is work.  _Y
 is play.  _Z is keep your mouth shut.
 		-- Albert Einstein
@@ -7475,71 +4460,14 @@ If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1
 passes.  Someone in the group has to be the manager.
 		-- T. Cheatham
 %
-If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four
-hours, it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where
-it votes guilty.
-		-- Joseph C. Goulden
-%
-If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake
-him up.
-%
 If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country.
 %
-If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
-dropped.  The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to
-maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it
-must drop.  The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.
-		-- Donald A. Metz
-%
-"If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good
-attitude.  If it has a good attitude, it will make a commitment to
-playing the game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win --
-unless, of course, it doesn't have enough talent to win, and no manager
-can make goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry?"
-		-- Sparky Anderson
-%
-If all be true that I do think,
-There be Five Reasons why one should Drink;
-Good friends, good wine, or being dry,
-Or lest we should be by-and-by,
-Or any other reason why.
-%
-If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
-error.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
 If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
 platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
 that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.
 %
-If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
-		-- Paul Beatty
-%
-If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a
-conclusion.
-		-- William Baumol
-%
-If an S and an I and an O and a U
-With an X at the end spell Su;
-And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
-Pray what is a speller to do?
-Then, if also an S and an I and a G
-And an HED spell side,
-There's nothing much left for a speller to do
-But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
-		-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"
-%
-If anything can go wrong, it will.
-%
 If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
-%
-If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four
-tellers?
-%
-"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?"
-%
 If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
 %
 If everybody minded their own business, the world would go
@@ -7551,37 +4479,6 @@ If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
 If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three
 to a can.
 %
-If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
-%
-If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
-%
-If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit
-Ears.
-%
-If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their
-Heads.
-%
-If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with
-green, baggy skin.
-%
-If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
-%
-If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to
-invent it.
-%
-If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger
-hands.
-%
-If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
-%
-If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
-%
-"If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows."
-		-- Yiddish saying
-%
-If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
-		-- Marvin Kitman
-%
 "If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
 replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!"
 %
@@ -7591,28 +4488,8 @@ If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
 If I 'cp /bin/csh /dev/audio' shouldn't I hear the ocean?
 		-- Danno Coppock
 %
-If I don't drive around the park,
-I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
-If I'm in bed each night by ten,
-I may get back my looks again.
-If I abstain from fun and such,
-I'll probably amount to much;
-But I shall stay the way I am,
-Because I do not give a damn.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
 %
-If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the
-plantation and go home.
-		-- Eugene P. Gallagher
-%
-If I had any humility I would be perfect.
-		-- Ted Turner
-%
-"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
 shoulders of giants.
 		-- Isaac Newton
@@ -7628,32 +4505,8 @@ on my shoulders.
 In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
 		-- Brian K. Reid
 %
-If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
-
-On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is
-also a psychological interaction.
-
-The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so
-friendly.
-
-The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.
-		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
-%
-If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
-As Dame Fortune did intend,
-Murphy would be there to tell me
-The pot's at the other end.
-		-- Bert Whitney
-%
 If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
 %
-If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
-%
-If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him.
-They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun
-of it.
-		-- Thomas Carlyle
-%
 "If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they
 forgot to send it.  But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll
 just think the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.
@@ -7664,37 +4517,16 @@ think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to
 receive Net Mail ..."
  		-- Leith (Casey) Leedom
 %
-If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
-%
 If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
 		-- Tom Robbins
 %
-If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women
-you've got in the house.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
-the page number.
-%
 If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
 %
-"If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
-little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
-Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination."
-		-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
-%
 If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
 		-- A. Einstein.
 %
-If only God would give me some clear sign!  Like making a large deposit
-in my name at a Swiss bank.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
 %
-If only one could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without
-having to accomplish anything.
-%
 If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
 he should see how bad it is with representation.
 %
@@ -7707,16 +4539,6 @@ The "+" or "-" indicates whether the time-of-day is ahead of
 (i.e., east of) or behind (i.e., west of) Universal Time.
 		-- RFC 2822
 %
-If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
-arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the
-physical world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker
-entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability.
-		-- Vannevar Bush
-%
-If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
-harder.
-		-- Pope John Paul I
-%
 "If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
 		-- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
 %
@@ -7724,55 +4546,19 @@ If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
 presumably flunk it.
 		-- Stanley Garn
 %
-If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
-		-- Norm Schryer
-%
-If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to
-get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.
-See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving
-the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting
-that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The
-college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious
-and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to
-rally their jaded spirits.  I would have the studies elective.
-Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure
-interest in knowledge.  The wise instructor accomplishes this by
-opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for
-himself.  The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for
-boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor.
-		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-%
 "If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
 me!"
 		-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
 %
-If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances
-are 50-50 it will.
-%
-If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.  If
-the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.  If the
-bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will
-exceed all expectations.
-		-- Reverend Chichester
-%
-If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
-%
 If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
 will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
 %
-If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
-		-- Art Hoppe
-%
 If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make
 something out of you.
 		-- Muhammad Ali
 %
-If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
-%
 If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
 %
-If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
-%
 If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was
 yesterday?
 %
@@ -7787,11 +4573,6 @@ If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 %
 "If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
 %
-If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel
-in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary
-qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
-		-- Marguerite Emmons
-%
 "If you already know what recursion is, just remember the answer.
 Otherwise, find someone who is standing closer to Douglas Hofstadter
 than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is."
@@ -7800,30 +4581,8 @@ than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is."
 If you are a fatalist, what can you do about it?
 		-- Ann Edwards-Duff
 %
-"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
-		-- J. Paul Getty
-%
-If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
-%
 If you can read this, you're too close.
 %
-If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
-%
-If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
-		-- Harry S. Truman
-%
-If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a
-call.
-%
-If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
-%
-If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
-%
-If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
-%
-If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
-		-- Clarence Day
-%
 If you don't have a nasty obituary you probably didn't matter.
 		-- Freeman Dyson
 %
@@ -7840,36 +4599,10 @@ have to get a toehold in the public eye."
 If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
 will.
 %
-If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it
-will always do it.
-		-- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
-%
-"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
-make the rubble bounce"
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
 If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
 %
-If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
-%
-"If you have to hate, hate gently"
-%
-If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
-boot yourself in the posterior.
-		-- A. J. Liebling
-%
 If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
 %
-If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
-		-- Graham Summer
-%
-If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few
-people die past the age of a hundred.
-		-- George Burns
-%
-If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
-really make them think they'll hate you.
-%
 If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
 		-- Maslow
 %
@@ -7881,10 +4614,6 @@ If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
 you.  This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine,
-you won't get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
-ice, but no cup.
-%
 If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But
 this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is
 somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.
@@ -7894,33 +4623,10 @@ the sucker.
 %
 If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
 %
-If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker,
-It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
-	Or some joker who is slicker,
-	Will trick you of your liquor,
-If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
-%
-If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
-		-- Derek Bok, president of Harvard
-%
-If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens
-tomorrow!
-%
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
-payments.
-		-- Earl Wilson
-%
-If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
-		-- Arthur Kasspe
-%
 If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
 shopping center in the world?
 		-- Richard M. Nixon
 %
-If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
-shopping center in the world?
-		-- Richard Nixon
-%
 If you throw a New Year's Party, the worst thing that you can do would
 be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call
 you to say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be expected to throw
@@ -7953,16 +4659,6 @@ If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people
 he gave it to.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
-Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
-statecraft.  Instead, read selected portions of the Washington
-telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with
-titles beginning with the word "National".
-		-- George Will
-%
-If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
-word you say, talk in your sleep.
-%
 "If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
 memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it,
 even if they don't know what it means."
@@ -7970,31 +4666,8 @@ even if they don't know what it means."
 %
 If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
 %
-If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
-tomorrow morning, sleep late.
-		-- Henny Youngman
-%
-If you're happy, you're successful.
-%
-If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
-%
-If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
 If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
 %
-"If you've done six impossible things before breakfast, why not round
-it off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the
-universe?"
-%
-If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
-		-- Ronald Reagan
-%
-Ignisecond, n.:
-	The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
-door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux
 	Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave,
 Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex,
@@ -8025,17 +4698,8 @@ And in our bound partition never part.
 That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."
 		-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
 %
-Illinois isn't exactly the land that God forgot -- it's more like the
-land He's trying to ignore.
-%
-"I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from
-man."
-%
 I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
 %
-"I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my
-sister."
-%
 I'm changing my name to Chrysler
 I'm going down to Washington, D.C.
 I'll tell some power broker
@@ -8050,23 +4714,12 @@ Yessir, I'll get mine!
 %
 I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
 %
-"I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to
-die in."
-		-- George McGovern
-%
-I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
-		-- Fred Allen
-%
 I'm going to live forever, or die trying!
 		-- Spider Robinson
 %
 "I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?"
 		-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
 %
-i'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be
-living apart.
-		-- e. e. cummings
-%
 I'm N-ary the tree, I am,
 N-ary the tree, I am, I am.
 I'm getting traversed by the parser next door,
@@ -8077,16 +4730,6 @@ I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
 N-ary the tree I am, I am,
 N-ary the tree I am.
 %
-"I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am.
-It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
-%
-"I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday
-life."
-%
-I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
--- I could be just as proud for half the money.
-		-- Arthur Godfrey
-%
 I'm rated PG-34!!
 %
 "I'm really enjoying not talking to you ... Let's not talk again ____REAL
@@ -8110,9 +4753,6 @@ I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
 "I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's
 lives"
 %
-Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
-		-- Jules de Gaultier
-%
 "Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
 usual way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
 thinks of complaining."
@@ -8126,12 +4766,6 @@ What's the first question that the computer community asks?
 
 "Is it PC compatible?"
 %
-Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
-		-- Jack Paar
-%
-Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
-		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
-%
 Impartial, adj.:
 	Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from
 espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two
@@ -8163,9 +4797,6 @@ creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
 In 1915 pancake make-up was invented but most people still preferred
 syrup.
 %
-In a five year period we can get one superb programming language.  Only
-we can't control when the five year period will begin.
-%
 In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth"
 Piece takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
 		-- Frank Mankiewicz
@@ -8193,24 +4824,11 @@ In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own
 incompetency
 		-- The Peter Principle
 %
-In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from handbooks)
-are to be treated as variables.
-%
-"In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of
-nations -- it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir."
-		-- Stuart Keate
-%
 In Blythe, California, a city ordinance declares that a person must own
 at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
 %
 In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
 %
-In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools
-will be temporarily canceled.
-%
-In case of injury notify your superior immediately.  He'll kiss it and
-make it better.
-%
 In Columbia, Pennsylvania, it is against the law for a pilot to tickle
 a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order
 to get her attention.
@@ -8231,18 +4849,9 @@ resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but
 inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-In English, every word can be verbed.  Would that it were so in our
-programming languages.
-%
 In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on
 the sidewalks when a concert is on.
 %
-In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come
-into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish
-between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which
-will only make it mushy.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your
 pocket.
 %
@@ -8262,11 +4871,6 @@ speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
 universe."
 		-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
 %
-In our civilization, and under our republican form of government,
-intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from
-the cares of office.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds
 and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
 %
@@ -8309,12 +4913,6 @@ ___see the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and
 rolled back.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
 %
-In the beginning was the word.
-But by the time the second word was added to it,
-there was trouble.
-For with it came syntax ...
-		-- John Simon
-%
 In the days when Sussman was a novice Minsky once came to him as he sat
 hacking at the PDP-6.  "What are you doing?", asked Minsky.  "I am
 training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe."  "Why is the
@@ -8323,40 +4921,9 @@ preconceptions of how to play." Minsky shut his eyes.  "Why do you
 close your eyes?", Sussman asked his teacher.  "So the room will be
 empty."  At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
 %
-In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
-the proper order then why can't he?
-%
-In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful
-Dead.
-		-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
-%
 In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
 		-- Alan Perlis
 %
-In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or
-a loaf of bread.  However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it
-to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by
-forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy.  If you
-stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit
-punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong
-enough to punch you.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
-In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
-shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles.  Therefore ... in the
-Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million
-three hundred thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years
-from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long.
-... There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such
-wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of
-fact.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world to
-drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at
-discotheques.
-		-- Art Linkletter
-%
 In those days he was wiser than he is now -- he used to frequently take
 my advice.
 		-- Winston Churchill
@@ -8373,39 +4940,18 @@ Incumbent, n.:
 %
 Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
 %
-Individualists unite!
-%
-Infancy, n.:
-	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven
-lies about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon
-afterward.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Information Center, n.:
 	A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
 to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
 %
-Ingrate, n.:
-	A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of
-indigestion.
-%
-Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
-		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
-%
 Ink, n.:
 	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and
 water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote
 intellectual crime.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Innovation is hard to schedule.
-		-- Dan Fylstra
-%
 Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
 %
-Insanity is the final defense ... It's hard to get a refund when the
-salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
-%
 Instead of thinking of spam as a disease that might be eliminated,
 it is more useful to think of it like crime, war and cockroaches.
 It is not realistic to expect to eliminate any of these, no matter
@@ -8421,38 +4967,11 @@ the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
 %
 Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
 %
-Iron Law of Distribution:
-	Them that has, gets.
-%
 "Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
 		-- Douglas Hofstadter
 %
-Is it possible that software is not like anything else, that it is
-meant to be discarded: that the whole point is to always see it as a
-soap bubble?
-%
-Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the
-beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get
-out, and such as are out wish to get in?
-		-- Ralph Emerson
-%
 Is your job running?  You'd better go catch it!
 %
-Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction
-listen to weather forecasts and economists?
-		-- Kelvin Throop III
-%
-Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
-tellers take economists seriously?
-%
-Issawi's Laws of Progress:
-
-	The Course of Progress:
-		Most things get steadily worse.
-
-	The Path of Progress:
-		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
-%
 It appears that after his death, Albert Einstein found himself working
 as the doorkeeper at the Pearly Gates.  One slow day, he found that he
 had time to chat with the new entrants.  To the first one he asked,
@@ -8486,14 +5005,6 @@ It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
 been searching for evidence which could support this.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
 %
-It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
-%
-It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
-program.  What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
-organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
-self-critical?
-		-- Alan Perlis
-%
 It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of
 Urbana, Illinois.
 %
@@ -8529,13 +5040,6 @@ coming up it.
 It is better never to have been born.  But who among us has such luck?
 One in a million, perhaps.
 %
-It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark
-%
-It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three
-benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never
-to use either.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both
 incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
 twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
@@ -8545,26 +5049,8 @@ twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
 lightly greased."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
-It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
-proper due; it is easier to be a "patriot" than to make your community
-a better place to live in; it is easier to be a "civic leader" than to
-treat your own family with loving understanding; for the smaller the
-focus of attention, the harder the task.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
-It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice
-versa.
-%
 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 %
-It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct
-one.
-%
-It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
-if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
-people.
-		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
-%
 It is hard to predict, in particular about the future.
 		-- Robert Storm Petersen
 %
@@ -8577,20 +5063,10 @@ It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry
 a tune.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
-ingenious.
-%
-It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not
-desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 It is Mr. Mellon's credo that $200,000,000 can do no wrong.  Our
 offense consists in doubting it.
 		-- Justice Robert H. Jackson
 %
-It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the
-problem.
-%
 It is necessary for the welfare of society that genius should be
 privileged to utter sedition, to blaspheme, to outrage good taste, to
 corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
@@ -8599,16 +5075,6 @@ corrupt the youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
 It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
 		-- Gore Vidal
 %
-It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one
-damn thing over and over.
-		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
-%
-It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
-		-- Elizabeth Carpenter
-%
-It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a
-pit.
-%
 It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
 virginity could be a virtue.
 		-- Voltaire
@@ -8620,10 +5086,6 @@ It is only the great men who are truly obscene.  If they had not dared
 to be obscene, they could never have dared to be great.
 		-- Havelock Ellis
 %
-It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the
-lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as
-high as the eagle?
-%
 It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a
 statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more
 glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through
@@ -8635,24 +5097,9 @@ It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad
 crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed
 until the other has gone.
 %
-It is the business of little minds to shrink.
-		-- Carl Sandburg
-%
-It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-		-- Hawkwind
-%
-It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for
-five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But
-it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
-%
-It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
-%
 It may be bad manners to talk with your mouth full, but it isn't too
 good either if you speak when your head is empty.
 %
-It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
-warning to others.
-%
 "It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory"
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
@@ -8667,29 +5114,9 @@ municipality.
 but I couldn't give up because by that time I was too famous."
 		-- Robert Benchly
 %
-It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
-%
 "It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
 foot."
 %
-It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a
-breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was
-broken ...
-		-- James Dent
-%
-"It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
-I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
-don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and
-the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
-charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its
-novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
-yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
-man a lifetime."
-		-- Thomas Aldrich
-%
-It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly.  It was more like
-the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
-%
 It will be advantageous to cross the great stream ... the Dragon is on
 the wing in the Sky ... the Great Man rouses himself to his Work.
 %
@@ -8703,17 +5130,11 @@ warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or
 two things still safe to eat.
 		-- Robert Fuoss
 %
-It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
-		-- Andrew Jackson
-%
 "It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone
 underwear."
 %
 It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
 %
-"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 "It's a summons."
 "What's a summons?"
 "It means summon's in trouble."
@@ -8729,32 +5150,10 @@ It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
 "It's bad luck to be superstitious."
 		-- Andrew W. Mathis
 %
-It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
-		-- Marty Winch
-%
-"It's easier said than done."
-
-... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than
-said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than
-said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than
-done".
-%
 It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
 %
-It's easier to get forgiveness for being wrong than forgiveness for
-being right.
-%
-"It's Fabulous!  We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an
-hour!"
-		-- Macy's
-%
 It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
 %
-It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it
-is.  If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It
-isn't our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
-		-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
-%
 It's just a jump to the left
 	And then a step to the right.
 Put your hands on your hips
@@ -8769,16 +5168,6 @@ It's the pelvic thrust
 "It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
-"It's Like This"
-
-Even the samurai
-have teddy bears,
-and even the teddy bears
-get drunk.
-%
-It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong
-direction.
-%
 "It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name."
 %
 It's more than magnificent -- it's mediocre.
@@ -8788,15 +5177,6 @@ It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how
 to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.
 		-- George Burns
 %
-It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
-		-- Phil White
-%
-"It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either."
-		-- Kevin White, mayor of Boston
-%
-It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
-		-- Alexander Korda
-%
 "It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
 		-- Cal Keegan
 %
@@ -8807,30 +5187,14 @@ It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off
 the ground.
 		-- Daniel B. Luten
 %
-It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it
-happens.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 It's not the valleys in life I dread so much as the dips.
 		-- Garfield
 %
-It's odd, and a little unsettling, to reflect upon the fact that
-English is the only major language in which "I" is capitalized; in many
-other languages "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.
-		-- Sydney J. Harris
-%
 It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
 %
-It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
-%
 It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
 Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
 %
-It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which
-raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody
-not to.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
 It's the thought, if any, that counts!
 %
 I've built a better model than the one at Data General
@@ -8857,11 +5221,6 @@ I've found my niche.  If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
 this little hole in the bottom ...
 		-- John Croll
 %
-I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
-%
-I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
 I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
 on the same day.
 %
@@ -8877,34 +5236,14 @@ Like a bright exhalation in the evening
 And no man see me more.
 		-- Shakespeare
 %
-Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government:
-	No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
-legislature is in session.
-%
 James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
 indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
 		-- Tom Stoppard
 %
-Jenkinson's Law:
-	It won't work.
-%
 Jesus Saves,
 Moses Invests,
 But only Buddha pays Dividends.
 %
-Job Placement, n.:
-	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
-%
-Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
-%
-Johnson's First Law:
-	When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the
-most inconvenient possible time.
-%
-Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called
-"Bureaucracy".  Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to do
-anything loses.
-%
 Join the march to save individuality!
 %
 Jone's Law:
@@ -8924,32 +5263,9 @@ Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac
 (and nobody cares about it).
 		-- Bill Joy 6/21/85
 %
-Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good
-solutions seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires
-one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the
-winner.  The reason there are two sides to begin with usually is
-because neither side has all the facts.  Therefore, when the wise
-mediator effects a compromise, he is not acting from political
-motivation.  Rather, he is acting from a deep sense of respect for the
-whole truth.
-		-- Stephen R. Schwambach
-%
-Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has
-changed.
-		-- Irene Peter
-%
-Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he
-knows what it is.
-%
-Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
-%
 Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you
 get a prompt, type like hell.
 %
-"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
-immune to bullets"
-		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
-%
 "Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
 of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?"
 		-- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US
@@ -8960,16 +5276,6 @@ of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?"
 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
 twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
 %
-`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried,
-	As he landed his crew with care;
-Supporting each man on the top of the tide
-	By a finger entwined in his hair.
-
-'Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it twice:
-	That alone should encourage the crew.
-Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it thrice:
-	What I tell you three times is true.'
-%
 Just think -- blessed SCSI cables!  Do a big enough sacrifice and create
 a +5 blessed SCSI cable of connectivity.
 		-- Lionel Lauer
@@ -8980,12 +5286,6 @@ faster rat!!!
 Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
 		-- Michael J. Wagner
 %
-Justice is incidental to law and order.
-		-- J. Edgar Hoover
-%
-Justice, n.:
-	A decision in your favor.
-%
 K:	Cobalt's metal, hard and shining;
 	Cobol's wordy and confining;
 	KOBOLDS topple when you strike them;
@@ -8999,15 +5299,6 @@ Katz' Law:
 	Man and nations will act rationally when all other
 possibilities have been exhausted.
 %
-Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
-%
-Keep Cool, but Don't Freeze
-		- Hellman's Mayonnaise
-%
-Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
-%
-Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
-%
 Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
 	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
 	    straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
@@ -9015,13 +5306,6 @@ Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
 	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
 	    than "Watch this!"
 %
-Keep your Eye on the Ball,
-Your Shoulder to the Wheel,
-Your Nose to the Grindstone,
-Your Feet on the Ground,
-Your Head on your Shoulders.
-Now ... try to get something DONE!
-%
 Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design.  Unlike most
 automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gauge, nor any of the
 numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.  Rather, if the
@@ -9044,34 +5328,15 @@ teenager stomp up to his branch and slam the leaves.
 Kin, n.:
 	An affliction of the blood
 %
-Kinkler's First Law:
-	Responsibility always exceeds authority.
-
-Kinkler's Second Law:
-	All the easy problems have been solved.
-%
-"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack."
-%
 Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through
 any of its streets.
 %
-Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
-%
-Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
-%
-Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
-%
 Klein bottle for sale ... inquire within.
 %
 Kleptomaniac, n.:
 	A rich thief.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
-%
-Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.
-		-- Henry N. Camp
-%
 Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr):
 	The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
@@ -9080,74 +5345,23 @@ Labor, n.:
 	One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Lackland's Laws:
-	(1) Never be first.
-	(2) Never be last.
-	(3) Never volunteer for anything
-%
 Lactomangulation, n.:
 	Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly
 that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Ladybug, ladybug,
-Look to your stern!
-Your house is on fire,
-Your children will burn!
-So jump ye and sing, for
-The very first time
-The four lines above
-Have been put into rhyme.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
-Laetrile is the pits
-%
 Langsam's Laws:
 	(1) Everything depends.
 	(2) Nothing is always.
 	(3) Everything is sometimes.
 %
-Larkinson's Law:
-	All laws are basically false.
-%
-Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with
-was made up of idiots.  Remember?  One of them was always getting
-pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the
-farmhouse to alert the other ones.  She'd whimper and tug at their
-sleeves, and they'd always waste precious minutes saying things: "Do
-you think something's wrong?  Do you think she wants us to follow her?
-What is it, girl?", etc., as if this had never happened before, instead
-of every week.  What with all the time these people spent pinned under
-the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops
-whatsoever.  They probably got by on federal crop supports, which
-Lassie filed the applications for.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 "Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
 had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.  I told this to
 my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'"
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police
-record.  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.  Cops have no sense
-of humor."
-%
 Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
 %
-Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
-%
-"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
-		-- Victor Borge
-%
-Law of Communications:
-	The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications
-between different levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of
-misunderstanding.
-%
-Law of Probable Dispersal:
-	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly
-distributed.
-%
 Law of Selective Gravity:
 	An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
 
@@ -9166,18 +5380,10 @@ Laws of Serendipity:
 	(2) If you wish to make an improved product, you must already
 	    be engaged in making an inferior one.
 %
-Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
-	No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats --
-approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
-%
-Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
-%
 Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
 everything else follows in the same way.
 		-- Alan J. Perlis
 %
-Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
-%
 Legalize free-enterprise murder: why should governments have all the
 fun?
 %
@@ -9187,62 +5393,8 @@ unless the motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a
 drink in 30 days, when the driver will be permitted to make what he
 can."
 %
-Leibowitz's Rule:
-	When hammering a nail, you will never hit your finger if you
-hold the hammer with both hands.
-%
-LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
-	You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are
-	pushy.  Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike
-	honest criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people
-	are thieves.
-%
-LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
-	Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore.
-	Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because
-	you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe.  As a matter of
-	fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got
-	a sick sense of humor.
-%
 Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
 %
-"Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a
-number.  You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash
-and another number."
-		-- James Estes
-%
-Let us live!!!
-Let us love!!!
-Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!!
-
-You first.
-%
-Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
-relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
-really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the
-end.  For the first time, I found that I really could change, and the
-qualities I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and
-bossy ...  Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind
-his back."
-		-- Kate Hepburn, on Tracy and Hepburn
-%
-Let's say your wedding ring falls into your toaster, and when you stick
-your hand in to retrieve it, you suffer Pain and Suffering as well as
-Mental Anguish.  You would sue:
-
-* The toaster manufacturer, for failure to include, in the instructions
-  section that says you should never never never ever stick you hand
-  into the toaster, the statement "Not even if your wedding ring falls
-  in there".
-
-* The store where you bought the toaster, for selling it to an obvious
-  cretin like yourself.
-
-* Union Carbide Corporation, which is not directly responsible in this
-  case, but which is feeling so guilty that it would probably send you
-  a large cash settlement anyway.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
 Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return.  Here's an often
 overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of
 dollars:  For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your
@@ -9268,10 +5420,6 @@ Yours faithfully,
 	Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P.
 	Sevenoaks
 %
-Lewis's Law of Travel:
-	The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to
-anyone, ever.
-%
 Liar, n.:
 	A lawyer with a roving commission.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
@@ -9279,11 +5427,6 @@ Liar, n.:
 Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
 		-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
 %
-LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22)
-	Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your
-	desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal.  Be gracious and
-	polite.  Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
-%
 LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
 	You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
 	reality.  If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.
@@ -9295,19 +5438,12 @@ Lie, n.:
 	A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
 discovered to date.
 %
-Lieberman's Law:
-	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
-%
 Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
 %
-Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
-%
 "Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
 eat it nevertheless."
 		-- Flaubert
 %
-"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
-%
 Life is like a simile.
 %
 Life is like an analogy
@@ -9333,20 +5469,6 @@ weren't for other people"
 %
 Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
 %
-Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made
-sense from things she found in gift shops.
-		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
-%
-Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking
-for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
-		-- Alan McKay
-%
-Limericks are art forms complex,
-Their topics run chiefly to sex.
-	They usually have virgins,
-	And masculine urgin's,
-And other erotic effects.
-%
 Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
 Kennedy exactly one hundred years later in 1946.
 
@@ -9371,18 +5493,9 @@ The second Johnson was born in 1908.
 %
 Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
 %
-Linus:	I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.  Maybe
-	we should think only about today.
-Charlie Brown:
-	No, that's giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday will get
-	better.
-%
 Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night.
 		-- Candice Bergen
 %
-Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip
-around the Sun.
-%
 Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted
 before.
 %
@@ -9412,39 +5525,17 @@ too.
 		-- "Cooking: The Art of Using Appliances and Utensils
 		   into Excuses and Apologies"
 %
-Lockwood's Long Shot:
-	The chances of getting eaten up by a lion on Main Street aren't
-one in a million, but once would be enough.
-%
 Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
 %
-Logicians have but ill defined
-As rational the human kind.
-Logic, they say, belongs to man,
-But let them prove it if they can.
-		-- Oliver Goldsmith
-%
-Look out!  Behind you!
-%
 Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game.  You want us
 to pay income taxes, too?
 		-- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox
 %
-Loose bits sink chips.
-%
-Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA,
-BOOGA!"
-%
 Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
 %
 Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in
 Halstead, Kansas.
 %
-Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
-%
-Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the
-world has ever seen.
-%
 Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
 		-- Sigmund Freud
 %
@@ -9452,47 +5543,9 @@ Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
 flips over, pinning you underneath.  At night, the ice weasels come."
 		-- Matt Groening
 %
-Love is a word that is constantly heard,
-Hate is a word that is not.
-Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
-Love, I have read, is hot.
-But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
-And Love but a drug on the mart.
-Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
-But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with
-the ideal never goes unpunished."
-		-- Goethe
-%
-Love is sentimental measles.
-%
-Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
-%
-Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
-		-- Louise Beal
-%
-Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up
-to.
-%
-Lowery's Law:
-	If it jams -- force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing
-anyway.
-%
-LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
-%
-Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
-	There's always one more bug.
-%
 Lunatic Asylum, n.:
 	The place where optimism most flourishes.
 %
-Lysistrata had a good idea.
-%
 "MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
 the smallest amount of thoughts."
 		-- Winston Churchill
@@ -9508,10 +5561,6 @@ Mad, adj.:
 	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ...
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
-first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
-		-- W. C. Fields
-%
 MAFIA, n:
 	[Acronym for Mechanized Applications in Forced Insurance
 Accounting.] An extensive network with many on-line and offshore
@@ -9560,13 +5609,6 @@ Corollaries:
 	    50% of the observed measurements must be discarded to
 	    obtain a correspondence with the theory.
 %
-Main's Law:
-	For every action there is an equal and opposite government
-program.
-%
-Maintainer's Motto:
-	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
-%
 Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly
 	as one man.
 
@@ -9580,15 +5622,6 @@ Majority, n.:
 %
 Make it myself?  But I'm a physical organic chemist!
 %
-Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.  Therefore, users
-tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.  It
-has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is
-the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
-		-- System V.2 administrator's guide
-%
-Malek's Law:
-	Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
-%
 Man 1:	Ask me.  "What is the most important thing about telling a good
 	joke?"
 
@@ -9596,24 +5629,6 @@ Man 2:	OK, what is the most impo --
 
 Man 1:	______TIMING!
 %
-"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
-upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the
-only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
-Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the
-victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
-		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
-%
 Man, n.:
 	An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks
 he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
@@ -9641,82 +5656,23 @@ What inner force drove this first athlete?  Your guess is as good as
 mine.  Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
 %
-Manual, n.:
-	A unit of documentation.  There are always three or more on a
-given item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others.  The
-information you need is in the others.
-		-- Ray Simard
-%
-Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon,
-there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he
-was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how
-completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday ...
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
-Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery:
-	Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a
-simple yes or no answer.
-%
-Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 Maryel brought her bat into Exit once and started whacking people on
 the dance floor.  Now everyone's doing it.  It's called grand slam
 dancing.
 		-- Ransford, Chicago Reader 10/7/83
 %
-Maternity pay?	Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
-		-- Malcolm Smith
-%
-Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
-		-- R. Drabek
-%
-Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
-translate into their own language, and forthwith it is something
-entirely different.
-		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
-%
 Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is
 described as being n-dimensional.  Like modern sex, any number can
 play.
 		-- Dr. Thor Wald, in "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by
 		   James Blish
 %
-"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence."
-%
-Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a
-receipt.
-%
-Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
-		-- Jules Feiffer
-%
-May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts
-%
 May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
 %
-May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
-%
-May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a
-Thousand Caramels.
-%
-Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
-		-- R. S. Barton
-%
-Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge
-it.
-%
 McGowan's Madison Avenue Axiom:
 	If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not
 $19.95.
 %
-Meader's Law:
-	Whatever happens to you, it will previously have happened to
-everyone you know, only more so.
-%
-Meeting, n.:
-	An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or
-department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
-%
 Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures
 from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha
 Centauri.  Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man
@@ -9759,14 +5715,8 @@ hotshot cells moving up from below.
 Menu, n.:
 	A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
 %
-Meskimen's Law:
-	There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to
-do it over.
-%
 MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
 %
-Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
-%
 methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylglutamin-
 ylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolyl-
 phenylalanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglu-
@@ -9796,11 +5746,6 @@ glutaminylprolylmethionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine, n.:
 	1,913-letter enzyme with 267 amino acids.
 		-- Mrs. Bryne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and
 %
-Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
-%
-Micro Credo:
-	Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
-%
 "Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
 watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks."
 %
@@ -9812,52 +5757,9 @@ Bernie:	"Nobody ever empties the ashtrays.  People are SO
 	inconsiderate."
 		-- Gary Trudeau, "Doonesbury"
 %
-Miksch's Law:
-	If a string has one end, then it has another end.
-%
-Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-Millihelen, adj:
-	The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
-%
-Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
-themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
-		-- Susan Ertz
-%
-Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that
-politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil.  "Tweedledum
-and Tweedledee," they say, "I will not vote."  Having abstained, they
-are presented with a President who appoints the people who are going to
-rummage around in their lives for the next four years.  Consider all
-the people who sat home in a stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert
-Humphrey.  They showed Humphrey.  Those people who taught Hubert
-Humphrey a lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme Court when
-Tricia and Julie begin to find silver threads among the gold and the
-black.
-		-- Russel Baker, "Ford without Flummery"
-%
-Mind!  I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there
-is particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined,
-myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in
-the trade.  But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my
-unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You
-will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as
-dead as a door-nail.
-%
-Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
-%
 Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap
 pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.
 %
-Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
-%
-Misery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it.
-		-- Russell Baker
-%
 Misfortune, n.:
 	The kind of fortune that never misses.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
@@ -9869,10 +5771,6 @@ they are in the market.
 %
 Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
 %
-Mitchell's Law of Committees:
-	Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are
-held to discuss it.
-%
 MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)
 
   Pastry to two crust 9-inch pie	36 RITZ Crackers
@@ -9891,13 +5789,6 @@ steam escape.  Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust
 is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
 		-- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box
 %
-Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
-%
-Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked
-him how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just
-last week.  The great man replied that it was because this week he knew
-better.
-%
 Molecule, n.:
 	The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is distinguished
 from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a
@@ -9906,38 +5797,17 @@ matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the
 atom in that it is an ion ...
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis:
-	If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented
-it wasn't worth doing.
-%
-Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
-%
 Monday, n.:
 	In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
 %
-Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots
-%
-Money is the root of all wealth.
-%
-Moon, n.:
-	1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
-hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
-%
-Mophobia, n.:
-	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
-%
 More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One
 path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
 extinction.  Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
-	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.  If everything did, you'd
-be out of a job.
-%
 Most fish live underwater, which is a terrible place to have sex
 because virtually anywhere you lie down there will be stinging crabs
 and large quantities of little fish staring at you with buggy little
@@ -9963,38 +5833,12 @@ Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
 %
 Mother is the invention of necessity.
 %
-Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before.
-%
-Mr. Cole's Axiom:
-	The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the
-population is growing.
-%
-"Multiply in your head" (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams)
-"365,365,365,365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365.  He [ten-year-old
-Truman Henry Safford] flew around the room like a top, pulled his
-pantaloons over the tops of his boots, bit his hands, rolled his eyes
-in their sockets, sometimes smiling and talking, and then seeming to be
-in an agony, until, in not more than one minute, said he,
-133,491,850,208,566,925,016,658,299,941,583,225!"  An electronic
-computer might do the job a little faster but it wouldn't be as much
-fun to watch.
-		-- James R. Newman (The World of Mathematics)
-%
 Murphy's Discovery:
 	Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to
 women?  They say, "Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything
 will be all right."  And what happens?  Nine months later, you're in
 trouble!
 %
-Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't
-work.
-%
-Murphy's Law of Research:
-	Enough research will tend to support your theory.
-%
-"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem ..."
-		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
-%
 Mustgo, n.:
 	Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
 long it has become a science project.
@@ -10019,17 +5863,6 @@ really just wanted to find out what it would sound like.  It sounded
 OK.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
-"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
-there are three other people."
-		-- Orson Welles
-%
-My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand
-times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and
-sending mail about softball games.  And I've got this pain right
-through my ALU.  I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever
-listens.  I think it would be better for us both if you were to just
-log out again.
-%
 "My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?"
 		-- MadameX
 %
@@ -10053,12 +5886,6 @@ My own dear love, he is all my heart --
 	And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
-one.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
-%
 My own dear love, he is strong and bold
 	And he cares not what comes after.
 His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
@@ -10069,28 +5896,6 @@ My own dear love, he is all my world --
 	And I wish I'd never met him.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-"My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
-Alley!!"
-		-- Zippy the Pinhead
-%
-My pen is at the bottom of a page,
-Which, being finished, here the story ends;
-'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done,
-But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
-		-- Byron
-%
-My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not
-signed.
-		-- Christopher Morley
-%
-"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies"
-%
-Mythology, n.:
-	The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its
-origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
-from the true accounts which it invents later.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 Naeser's Law:
 	You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
 damnfoolproof.
@@ -10101,100 +5906,27 @@ GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
 	  will be right.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
 %
-Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant
-said "My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next
-time he goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone
-might steal it."
-%
-Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the
-villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.  "At this time,"
-said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me."  All the
-villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.  The
-remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?"  "What he
-said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of
-my way!'" The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually
-spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
-%
-Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to
-serve him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk
-into your shop?"  "Of course."  "Have you ever seen me before?"
-"Never."  "Then how do you know it was me?"
-%
-Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
-than the sun."  "Why?", he was asked.  "Because at night we need the
-light more."
-%
-Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver
-pie.  Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of
-meat from his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it,
-"Foolish bird!  You have the liver, but what can you do with it without
-the recipe?"
-%
 Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of
 scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
 		-- Mary Ellen Kelly
 %
-Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of
-conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the
-fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he
-is most likely to be creamed?
-		-- Solomon Short
-%
-Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
-God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
-
-It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
-Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
-%
 Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it
 cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
 		-- Fran Leibowitz
 %
-Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
-character, give him power.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-Necessity is a mother.
-%
-Neckties strangle clear thinking.
-		-- Lin Yutang
-%
 Network packets are like buses.  You wait all day, and then 3Com
 along at once.
 %
-Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
-%
-Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
-%
 Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.
 %
-Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
-%
 Never drink coke in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
 with the chemicals in coke produce hallucinations.  People tend to
 change into lizards and attack without warning, and large bats usually
 fly in the window.  Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators
 have windows.
 %
-Never eat more than you can lift.
-		-- Miss Piggy
-%
-Never hit a man with glasses.  Hit him with a baseball bat.
-%
 Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
 %
-Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
-		-- Salvor Hardin, "Foundation"
-%
-Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
-make it complex and wonderful.
-%
-Never offend people with style when you can offend them with
-substance.
-		-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
-%
-Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
-%
 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.  There might be a
 law against it by that time.
 %
@@ -10214,93 +5946,24 @@ Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
 supposed to do.
 		-- R. A. Heinlein
 %
-New crypt.  See /usr/news/crypt.
-%
 New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in
 any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
 %
-New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of
-Cruelty to Yourself.  Apply within.
-%
 New members urgently required for SUICIDE CLUB, Watford area.
 		-- Monty Python's Big Red Book
 %
-New systems generate new problems.
-%
-New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and
-his wife most often reminds him to act it.
-		-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
-%
 New York is real.  The rest is done with mirrors.
 %
 New York's got the ways and means;
 Just won't let you be.
 		-- The Grateful Dead
 %
-Newlan's Truism:
-	An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government
-economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
-%
-NEWS FLASH!!
-	Today the East German pole-vault champion became the West
-	German pole-vault champion.
-%
 Newton's Fourth Law:  Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.
 %
-Newton's Little-Known Seventh Law:
-	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
-%
-Next Friday will not be your lucky day.  As a matter of fact, you don't
-have a lucky day this year.
-%
 Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying
 as an income tax refund.
 		-- F. J. Raymond
 %
-"Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."
-		-- Foghorn Leghorn
-%
-Nihilism should commence with oneself.
-%
-Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name
-correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into
-(Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name, but
-Americans call him by value.
-%
-Nine megs for the secretaries fair,
-Seven megs for the hackers scarce,
-Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs,
-Three megs for system source;
-
-One disk to rule them all,
-One disk to bind them,
-One disk to hold the files
-And in the darkness grind 'em.
-%
-Nine-track tapes and seven-track tapes
-	And tapes without any tracks;
-Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes
-	And tapes mixed up on the racks --
-		Take hold of the tape
-		And pull off the strip,
-		And then you'll be sure
-		Your tape drive will skip.
-
-		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
-%
-"Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they
-would.  The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
-that much."
-		-- Augustine
-%
-Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
-	The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
-the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
-%
-"Nirvana?  Thats the place where the powers that be and their friends
-hang out.
-		-- Zonker Harris
-%
 No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless
 absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz
@@ -10310,27 +5973,12 @@ camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
 effectively under such difficult conditions.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-"No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'"
-		-- Dr. Who
-%
 No good deed goes unpunished.
 		-- Clare Boothe Luce
 %
-No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after
-eating one peanut.
-		-- Channing Pollock
-%
-No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
-%
-No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife in the shoulder blades will
-seriously cramp his style.
-%
 No matter what other nations may say about the United States,
 immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.
 %
-No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
-%
 "No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
 %
 No one has a higher opinion of him than he has.
@@ -10361,17 +6009,6 @@ A gloom fell on the hackers; it seemed to be the end,
 But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again!
 		(chorus)
 %
-No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-%
-No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
-%
-"No proper program contains an indication which as an operator-applied
-occurrence identifies an operator-defining occurrence which as an
-indication-applied occurrence identifies an indication-defining
-occurrence different from the one identified by the given indication as
-an indication-applied occurrence."
-		-- ALGOL 68 Report
-%
 "No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
 paper."
 		-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
@@ -10381,25 +6018,12 @@ Nobody can be exactly like me.  Sometimes even I have trouble doing
 it.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
-NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION
-%
 Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
 %
-Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in
-order for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the
-substance of their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young
-and rob the old.
-		-- Lewis Lapham
-%
-Nobody wants constructive criticism.  It's all we can do to put up with
-constructive praise.
-%
 Noncombatant, n.:
 	A dead Quaker.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
-%
 Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
 	Negative expectations yield negative results.
 	Positive expectations yield negative results.
@@ -10435,72 +6059,14 @@ Note: The system panics with a "NULL pointer dereference" message
 Failed due to : SunOS 5.8 is installed.
 		-- Output of a SunCheckup run on a Solaris 8 machine
 %
-Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter
-of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund
-is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman --
-unfortunately, divided lengthwise.  She enchants Sigmund, who is
-careful not to make any poultry jokes ...
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
 %
-Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
-%
-Nothing is faster than the speed of light ...
-
-To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the
-light comes on.
-%
-Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
-		-- Andrew Young
-%
-Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires
-tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
-		-- Nero Wolfe
-%
-Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
-Conscience makes egotists of us all.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-Nothing recedes like success.
-		-- Walter Winchell
-%
-Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited
-love.
-		-- Charlie Brown
-%
 November, n.:
 	The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.
 %
-Now I lay me down to sleep
-I pray the double lock will keep;
-May no brick through the window break,
-And, no one rob me till I awake.
-%
-"Now is the time for all good men to come to."
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
-Now that you've read Fortune's diet truths, you'll be prepared the next
-time some housewife or boutique-owner-turned-diet-expert appears on TV
-to plug her latest book.  And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for
-eating coffee cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself
-the following questions:
-
-(1) Do I dare trust a person who actually considers alfalfa sprouts a
-    food?
-(2) Was the author's sole motive in writing this book to get rich
-    exploiting the forlorn hopes of chubby people like me?
-(3) Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as
-    prescribed ... without French-fried onion rings, pizza with
-    double cheese, or the occasional Mai-Tai?  (Remember, living
-    right doesn't really make you live longer, it just *seems* like
-    longer.)
-
-That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
-%
 "Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
 Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
 were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ..."
@@ -10510,117 +6076,26 @@ were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ..."
 smurfette."
 		-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
 %
-[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
-		-- Edwin Meese III
-%
 "Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile."
 		-- Karl Lehenbauer
 %
-"Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
-normal routines, for children and adults alike."
-		-- Willard F. Libby, "You *Can* Survive Atomic Attack"
-%
 "Nuclear war would really set back cable."
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
-Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
-%
-(null cookie; hope that's ok)
-%
-Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're
-guessing.
-%
-O give me a home,
-Where the buffalo roam,
-Where the deer and the antelope play,
-Where seldom is heard
-A discouraging word,
-'Cause what can an antelope say?
-%
 Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
 reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
 amount of hot air.
 		-- Thomas L. Martin
 %
-Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-		-- Plato
-%
-Of all the words of witch's doom
-There's none so bad as which and whom.
-The man who kills both which and whom
-Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 "Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with a
 fake?"
 %
-"Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
-tools aren't soluble in alcohol ..."
-		-- Crazy Nigel
-%
-Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
-%
-Of what you see in books, believe 75%.  Of newspapers, believe 50%.
-And of TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a
-blazer.
-%
 Office Automation, n.:
 	The use of computers to improve efficiency by removing anyone
 you would want to talk with over coffee.
 %
-Ogden's Law:
-	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch
-up.
-%
 Oh Dad!  We're ALL Devo!
 %
-Oh don't the days seem lank and long
-	When all goes right and none goes wrong,
-And isn't your life extremely flat
-	With nothing whatever to grumble at!
-%
-Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
-	I muck with indices and structs all day
-And when it works, I shout hoo-ray
-	Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay
-%
-Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
-be irresponsible, too.
-		-- Lichty & Wagner
-%
-Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
-And danced the skies on laughter silvered wings;
-Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
-Of sun-split clouds and done a hundred things
-You have not dreamed of --
-Wheeled and soared and swung
-High in the sunlit silence.
-Hovering there
-I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
-My eager craft through footless halls of air.
-Up, up along delirious, burning blue
-I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
-Where never lark, or even eagle flew;
-And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
-The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
-Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
-		-- John Gillespie Magee Jr., "High Flight"
-%
-Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
-%
-Oh, when I was in love with you,
-	Then I was clean and brave,
-And miles around the wonder grew
-	How well did I behave.
-
-And now the fancy passes by,
-	And nothing will remain,
-And miles around they'll say that I
-	Am quite myself again.
-		-- A. E. Housman
-%
-Oh, wow!  Look at the moon!
-%
 Ok, note to all reading this: if I ask for information and you don't
 have the information available, don't bother sending me an e-mail
 just to tell me that you don't have the information available. Wait
@@ -10633,17 +6108,6 @@ save precious time and electrons.
 %
 OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
 %
-Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
-		-- Trotsky
-%
-Old programmers never die.  They just branch to a new address.
-%
-Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
-%
-Oliver's Law:
-	Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
-it.
-%
 Omnibiblious, adj.:
 	Indifferent to type of drink.  "Oh, you can get me anything.
 I'm omnibiblious."
@@ -10653,43 +6117,16 @@ JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th' WRENCH in the JELL-O
 as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... or ... I ... um ...
 WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?
 %
-On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
-
-"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
-		-- Wolfgang Pauli
-%
-On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
-nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
-what it does.
-		-- Will Rogers
-%
 On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
 created jerks.
 		-- Avery
 %
-On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
-created jerks.
-		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
-%
-On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
-POINT ...
-%
 On the subject of C program indentation:
 
 	"In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be
 	indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."
 		-- Blair P. Houghton
 %
-"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], `Pray,
-Mr.  Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
-answers come out?'  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
-confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-		-- Charles Babbage
-%
-Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were
-forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
-		-- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
-%
 Once, adv.:
 	Enough.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
@@ -10725,13 +6162,6 @@ Then Justice came.  His Honor cried:
 I never saw your face before!"
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human
-beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by
-side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them
-which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the
-sky.
-		-- Rainer Rilke
-%
 Once upon a time, when I was training to be a mathematician, a group of
 us bright young students taking number theory discovered the names of
 the smaller prime numbers.
@@ -10765,27 +6195,6 @@ One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
 how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
 		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
 %
-One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
-%
-One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell
-the truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald
-announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to
-a question which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was first in line.  The
-captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going?  Tell the truth
--- the alternative is death by hanging."  "I am going," said Nasrudin,
-"to be hanged on that gallows."  "I don't believe you."  "Very well, if
-I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!"
-"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
-%
-One difference between a man and a machine is that a machine is quiet
-when well oiled.
-%
-One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
-never have to stop and answer the phone.
-%
-One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
-		-- Chateaubriand (1768-1848)
-%
 One learns to itch where one can scratch.
 		-- Ernest Bramah
 %
@@ -10796,43 +6205,20 @@ represent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as
 many ...
 		-- Anthony Chevins
 %
-One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
-%
 One monk said to the other, "The fish has flopped out of the net! How
 will it live?"  The other said, "When you have gotten out of the net,
 I'll tell you."
 %
-One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
-%
-One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible
-from one end to the other.  Reading the Bible straight through is at
-least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin.  But the good parts
-are, of course, simply amazing.  God is an extremely uneven writer, but
-when He's good, nobody can touch Him.
-		-- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan 1983
-%
-One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
-do and always a clever thing to say.
-		-- Will Durant
-%
 One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
 create goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "________somebody has to buy
 retail."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-One of the rules of Busmanship, New York style, is never surrender your
-seat to another passenger.  This may seem callous, but it is the best
-way, really.  If one passenger were to give a seat to someone who
-fainted in the aisle, say, the others on the bus would become
-disoriented and imagine they were in Topeka, Kansas.
-%
 One Page Principle:
 	A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch
 paper cannot be understood.
 		-- Mark Ardis
 %
-"One planet is all you get."
-%
 One promising concept that I came up with right away was that you could
 manufacture personal air bags, then get a law passed requiring that
 they be installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips.  Let's
@@ -10851,51 +6237,18 @@ of Congress, and some of them, such as House Speaker "Tip" O'Neil, are
 already too large to fit on normal aircraft.
 		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
 %
-One reason why George Washington
-Is held in such veneration:
-He never blamed his problems
-On the former Administration.
-		-- George O. Ludcke
-%
-One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
-%
-One thing the inventors can't seem to get the bugs out of is fresh
-paint.
-%
-"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
-sometimes you must work under adverse conditions ... like a state of
-sheer terror."
-		-- W. K. Hartmann
-%
 One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a
 new model.
 %
-One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
-%
-One, with God, is always a majority, but many a martyr has been burned
-at the stake while the votes were being counted.
-		-- Thomas B. Reed
-%
-One-Shot Case Study, n.:
-	The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which
-it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes
-green.
-%
 On-line, adj.:
 	The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
 computer.
 %
-Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
-%
-Only God can make random selections.
-%
 Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to
 use the editorial "we."
 %
 Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
 %
-Optimization hinders evolution.
-%
 Oregano, n.:
 	The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
 %
@@ -10903,22 +6256,6 @@ Oregon, n.:
 	Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
 night.
 %
-Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.  Biochemistry
-is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
-		-- Mike Adams
-%
-Osborn's Law:
-	Variables won't; constants aren't.
-%
-Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your
-nails.
-%
-O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
-	Murphy was an optimist.
-%
-Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is
-they charge fifteen cents for them.
-%
 Our documentation manager was showing her two year old son around the
 office.  He was introduced to me, at which time he pointed out that we
 were both holding bags of popcorn.  We were both holding bottles of
@@ -10931,19 +6268,9 @@ Her reply:
 	"He can have a lollipop any time he wants to.  That's what it
 	means to be a programmer."
 %
-Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
-	Thy programs run, thy syscalls done,
-	In kernel as it is in user!
-%
-Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
-		-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries
-%
 "Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
 		-- Alex Schure
 %
-Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
-		-- General Omar N. Bradley
-%
 "Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
 it's too dark to read."
 		-- Groucho Marx
@@ -10951,27 +6278,11 @@ it's too dark to read."
 Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now
 I can remember things that *have* happened before ...
 %
-Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left!
-%
-Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
-%
-Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
-%
-Ozman's Laws:
-	(1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he
-	    won't.
-	(2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they
-	    make.
-	(3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
-	(4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
-%
 Painting, n.:
 	The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
 exposing them to the critic.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-panic: can't find /
-%
 panic: kernel trap (ignored)
 %
 Paradise is exactly like where you are right now ... only much, much
@@ -10980,14 +6291,8 @@ better.
 %
 Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
 %
-Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
-%
 Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
 %
-Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to
-criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
-		-- D. J. Hicks
-%
 Pardon this fortune.  Database under reconstruction.
 %
 Pardo's First Postulate:
@@ -11000,23 +6305,6 @@ Arnold's Addendum:
 Parker's Law:
 	Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
 %
-Parkinson's Fifth Law:
-	If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
-bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
-%
-Parkinson's Fourth Law:
-	The number of people in any working group tends to increase
-regardless of the amount of work to be done.
-%
-Parsley
-	 is gharsley.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
-%
-"Pascal is not a high-level language."
-		-- Steven Feiner
-%
 "Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat."
 		-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
 %
@@ -11024,48 +6312,19 @@ Pascal, n.:
 	A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
 his grave if he knew about it.
 %
-Pascal Users:
-	To show respect for the 313th anniversary (tomorrow) of the
-death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
-%
-Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
-		-- Eric Hoffer
-%
 Patageometry, n.:
 	The study of those mathematical properties that are invariant
 under brain transplants.
 %
-Paul Revere was a tattle-tale
-%
 Paul's Law:
 	In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
 save.
 %
-Paul's Law:
-	You can't fall off the floor.
-%
 Peace, n.:
 	In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
 periods of fighting.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Peanut Blossoms
-
-4 cups sugar           16 tbsp. milk
-4 cups brown sugar     4 tsp. vanilla
-4 cups shortening      14 cups flour
-8 eggs                 4 tsp. soda
-4 cups peanut butter   4 tsp. salt
-
-Shape dough into balls.  Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased cookie
-sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes.  Immediately top each cookie with a
-Hershey's kiss or star pressing down firmly to crack cookie.  Makes a
-hell of a lot.
-%
-Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
-	Never eat rutabaga on any day of the week that has a "y" in
-it.
-%
 Pedaeration, n.:
 	The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
 sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
@@ -11078,30 +6337,6 @@ Penguin Trivia #46:
 People need good lies.  There are too many bad ones.
 		-- Bokonon, "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
 %
-People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of
-the future.
-%
-"People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense."
-		-- Ken Kesey
-%
-People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
-%
-People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better
-press than people who are just funny and smart.
-		-- Howard Simons, "The Washington Post"
-%
-People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never
-slept in a room with a single mosquito.
-%
-People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
-haven't what they want that they don't want it.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that
-Benjamin Franklin said it first.
-%
-People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
-%
 People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they
 did yesterday.
 %
@@ -11109,14 +6344,6 @@ Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
 "Confound those who have said our remarks before us."
 		-- Aelius Donatus
 %
-Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
-%
-Perfection is reached, not when there is no longer anything to add, but
-when there is no longer anything to take away.
-		-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-%
-Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
-%
 Peter Wemm Murphy Field, n.:
 	A field of abnormally frequent and severe Murphy's Law events
 emanating from Mr. Peter Wemm.  The field was first discovered and
@@ -11130,8 +6357,6 @@ themselves.
 Philadelphia is not dull -- it just seems so because it is next to
 exciting Camden, New Jersey.
 %
-Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
-%
 Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
 		-- John Keats
 %
@@ -11147,19 +6372,6 @@ by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
 inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
-	You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being
-followed by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your
-associates and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack
-confidence and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible
-things to small animals.
-%
-PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
-	Take the high road, look for the good things, carry the
-American Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as
-nobody else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will
-probably get run over by a bus.
-%
 Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
@@ -11179,18 +6391,6 @@ Playing an unamplified electric guitar is like strumming on a picnic
 table.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
-Please ignore previous fortune.
-%
-Please take note:
-%
-Please try to limit the amount of "this room doesn't have any bazingas"
-until you are told that those rooms are "punched out".  Once punched
-out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas,
-and such.
-		-- N. Meyrowitz
-%
-Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
-%
 PLUNDERER'S THEME
 (to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius)
 
@@ -11199,9 +6399,6 @@ If you do the things we say, then you'll soon rule the nation.
 Kill your foes and enemies and then kill your relations.
 Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
 %
-Pohl's law:
-	Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
-%
 Police:	Good evening, are you the host?
 Host:	No.
 Police:	We've been getting complaints about this party.
@@ -11243,27 +6440,6 @@ Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge even
 where there is no river.
 		-- Nikita Khrushchev
 %
-Politics is like coaching a football team.  you have to be smart enough
-to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
-%
-Polymer physicists are into chains.
-%
-Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the
-Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866.  The
-white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before
-it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his
-name had hilarious possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with
-laughter, singing
-	Half a pound of tuppenny rice
-	Half a pound of treacle
-	That's the way the chimney smokes
-	Pope Goestheveezl
-The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
-laughter streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for
-hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
-Hans Neizant B"ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K"oln in 1653.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 Portable, adj.:
 	Survives system reboot.
 %
@@ -11273,9 +6449,6 @@ Positive, adj.:
 %
 Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
 %
-"Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat"
-		-- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy 1981-1987
-%
 Power corrupts.  And atomic power corrupts atomically.
 %
 Power corrupts.  Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.
@@ -11284,36 +6457,6 @@ Power corrupts.  Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.
 Power, n:
 	The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
 %
-Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little
-more time for dreaming.
-		-- J. P. McEvoy
-%
-Predestination was doomed from the start.
-%
-President Reagan has noted that there are too many economic pundits and
-forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
-%
-President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the
-vote.  In a democracy, that's not called quitting.
-		-- The Washington Post
-%
-Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
-%
-Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
-	It's on the other side.
-%
-[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
-to see him work.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
-%
-Probable-Possible, my black hen,
-She lays eggs in the Relative When.
-She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
-Because she's unable to postulate how.
-		-- Frederick Winsor
-%
 Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have
 orgasms?  The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which
 is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime.
@@ -11449,33 +6592,12 @@ Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
 %
 Put no trust in cryptic comments.
 %
-Put your Nose to the Grindstone!
-		-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
-%
-Putt's Law:
-	Technology is dominated by two types of people:
-		Those who understand what they do not manage.
-		Those who manage what they do not understand.
-%
-Q:  Do you know what the death rate around here is?
-A:  One per person.
-%
 Q:  How did you get into artificial intelligence?
 A:  Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
 %
 Q:  How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat?
 A:  Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
 %
-Q:  How many DEC repairmen does it take to fix a flat?
-A:  Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
-
-Q:  How long does it take?
-A:  It's indeterminate.  It will depend upon how many flats they've
-    brought with them.
-
-Q:  What happens if you've got TWO flats?
-A:  They replace your generator.
-%
 Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:  Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
     itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
@@ -11486,9 +6608,6 @@ Q:  How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
     in San Francisco?
 A:  Both of them.
 %
-Q:  How many IBM cpu's does it take to do a logical right shift?
-A:  33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
-%
 Q:  How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?
 A:  Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
 %
@@ -11499,20 +6618,9 @@ A:  100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001,
     of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences
     of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
 %
-Q:  How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:  Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
-    light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government
-    plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer
-    prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb
-    assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
-%
 Q:  How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:  One and a half.
 %
-Q:  How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:  One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
-    to the earlier joke.
-%
 Q:  How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A:  Three.  One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all those
     Californians trying to share the experience.
@@ -11537,9 +6645,6 @@ A:  To stamp out forest fires.
 Q:  Why do elephants have flat feet?
 A:  To stamp out flaming ducks.
 %
-Q:  Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
-A:  To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
-%
 Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.  What
    should I do?
 
@@ -11565,14 +6670,8 @@ Man Invented Alcohol,
 God Invented Grass.
 Who do you trust?
 %
-Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
-%
 Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
 %
-Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
-
-(Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
-%
 Quigley's Law:
 	Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will
 atttempt to use it.
@@ -11582,8 +6681,6 @@ QUOTE OF THE DAY:
        `
 
 %
-"Qvid me anxivs svm?"
-%
 QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]:
 	1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69
 kiloliks), commonly used in structural engineering; 2.  [colloq.] one
@@ -11592,21 +6689,6 @@ painful irritation of the dermis in the region of the anus; 4. [slang]
 person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert.
 		-- Webster's Middle World Dictionary, 4th ed.
 %
-Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
-%
-Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something
-I saw at the airport ... Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of
-computer magazines right next to "People" and "Time" in the airport
-store.  Does it bother anyone else that half the world is being told
-all of our hard-won secrets of computer technology?  Remember how all
-the lawyers cried foul when "How to Avoid Probate" was published?  Are
-they taking no-fault insurance lying down?  No way!  But at the current
-rate it won't be long before there are stacks of the "Transactions on
-Information Theory" at the A&P checkout counters.  Who's going to be
-impressed with us electrical engineers then?  Are we, as the saying
-goes, giving away the store?
-		-- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE President
-%
 Ray's Rule of Precision:
 	Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
 %
@@ -11620,10 +6702,6 @@ Gas smells awful;
 You might as well live.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-Re graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to describe
-the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately described
-with pictures.
-%
 Reader, suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of
 Congress.  But I repeat myself.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -11633,25 +6711,12 @@ value but they find it difficult to actually program in it, as it is
 much too large to implement.  Most computer scientists don't notice
 this because they are still arguing over what else to add to ADA.
 %
-Real computer scientists despise the idea of actual hardware.  Hardware
-has limitations, software doesn't.  It's a real shame that Turing
-machines are so poor at I/O.
-%
 Real computer scientists don't comment their code.  The identifiers are
 so long they can't afford the disk space.
 %
 Real computer scientists don't program in assembler.  They don't write
 in anything less portable than a number two pencil.
 %
-Real computer scientists don't write code.  They occasionally tinker
-with `programming systems', but those are so high level that they
-hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for
-applications.)
-%
-Real computer scientists only write specs for languages that might run
-on future hardware.  Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo
-sapiens will ever be able to fit on a single planet.
-%
 Real programmers disdain structured programming.  Structured
 programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet-
 trained.  They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise
@@ -11664,15 +6729,6 @@ quiche.
 Real programmers don't comment their code.  It was hard to write, it
 should be hard to understand.
 %
-Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the
-illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how
-much good it did them.
-%
-Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires
-you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers
-wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly
-spring up in the middle of the machine room.
-%
 Real programmers don't write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers write
 in BASIC after reaching puberty.
 %
@@ -11680,14 +6736,6 @@ Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress
 freaks and crystallography weenies.  FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
 wear white socks.
 %
-Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for programmers who
-can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
-%
-Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
-%
-Real Programs don't use shared text.  Otherwise, how can they use
-functions for scratch space after they are finished calling them?
-%
 Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness.
 This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a
 computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
@@ -11737,8 +6785,6 @@ deceased person.
 %
 Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
 %
-Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
-%
 Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?
 		-- Patrick Sky
 %
@@ -11753,54 +6799,14 @@ Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 away".
 		-- Philip K. Dick
 %
-"Really ??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!"
-%
 Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than
 being flat broke and having a stomach ache.
 		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
 %
-Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.  Depression is when you
-lose your job.  These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
-but sophisticated econometric modeling houses like Data Resources and
-Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3
-recessions.
-%
-Reclaimer, spare that tree!
-Take not a single bit!
-It used to point to me,
-Now I'm protecting it.
-It was the reader's CONS
-That made it, paired by dot;
-Now, GC, for the nonce,
-Thou shalt reclaim it not.
-%
-"Reintegration complete," ZORAC advised.  "We're back in the universe
-again ..."  An unusually long pause followed, "... but I don't know
-which part.  We seem to have changed our position in space."  A
-spherical display in the middle of the floor illuminated to show the
-starfield surrounding the ship.
-
-"Several large, artificial constructions are approaching us," ZORAC
-announced after a short pause.  "The designs are not familiar, but they
-are obviously the products of intelligence.  Implications: we have been
-intercepted deliberately by a means unknown, for a purpose unknown, and
-transferred to a place unknown by a form of intelligence unknown.
-Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious."
-		-- James P. Hogan, "Giants Star"
-%
-Reisner's Rule of Conceptual Inertia:
-	If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
-%
-Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
 "Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
 it."
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-Remember:  Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
-		-- Dave Butler
-%
 Remember, drive defensively!  And of course, the best defense is a good
 offense!
 %
@@ -11812,9 +6818,6 @@ worse in Cleveland.
 %
 Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
 %
-Renning's Maxim:
-	Man is the highest animal.  Man does the classifying.
-%
 Reporter, n.:
 	A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
 tempest of words.
@@ -11835,52 +6838,9 @@ that's just the kind of straight-talking honest person I am, and I
 can't help it.
 		-- Dave Barry, "On Presidential Politics"
 %
-Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi): Mr Gandhi, what do you think of Western
-	Civilization?
-Gandhi:	I think it would be a good idea.
-%
-Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
-		-- Wernher von Braun
-%
-Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get
-another chance later on.
-%
-Review Questions
-
-(1) If Nerd on the planet Nutley starts out in his spaceship at 20 KPH,
-    and his speed doubles every 3.2 seconds, how long will it be before
-    he exceeds the speed of light?  How long will it be before the
-    Galactic Patrol picks up the pieces of his spaceship?
-
-(2) If Roger Rowdy wrecks his car every week, and each week he breaks
-    twice as many bones as before, how long will it be before he breaks
-    every bone in his body?  How long will it be before they cut off
-    his insurance?  Where does he get a new car every week?
-
-(3) If Johnson drinks one beer the first hour (slow start), four beers
-    the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in a
-    pyramid, how soon will Johnson's pyramid be larger than King
-    Tut's?  When will it fall on him?  Will he notice?
-%
-Rhode's Law:
-	When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening,
-circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly,
-empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred,
-induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always
-for the purpose of convenience, expediency, political advantage,
-material gain, or personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or
-none of the above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed,
-proclaimed, and adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably,
-universally, immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it
-becomes advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
-%
 "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention
-	Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will
-	reject the proposal.
-%
 ROMEO: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
 MERCUTIO: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-
 	door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
@@ -11898,22 +6858,6 @@ Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London:
 be liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person
 shall be deemed to be a cat.
 %
-Rule of Creative Research:
-	(1) Never draw what you can copy.
-	(2) Never copy what you can trace.
-	(3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
-%
-Rule of Defactualization:
-	Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
-%
-Rule of Feline Frustration:
-	When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
-content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
-%
-Rule of the Great:
-	When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
-thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
-%
 Rules:
 	(1)  The boss is always right.
 	(2)  When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
@@ -11923,13 +6867,6 @@ Rules for Academic Deans:
 	(2)  If they find you, LIE!!!!
 		-- Father Damian C. Fandal
 %
-Rules for driving in New York:
-	(1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
-	(2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers
-	    on.
-	(3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the
-	    intersection.
-%
 RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
 	(1)  Never eat on an empty stomach.
 	(2)  Never leave the table hungry.
@@ -11974,9 +6911,6 @@ SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
 	of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People
 	laugh at you a great deal.
 %
-San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
-		-- Herb Caen
-%
 San Francisco, n.:
 	Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
 %
@@ -11991,44 +6925,14 @@ And a beard and long hair,
 	What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
 		-- Arlo Guthrie
 %
-Satellite Safety Tip #14:
-	If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
-%
-Sattinger's Law:
-	It works better if you plug it in.
-%
-Saturday night in Toledo Ohio,
-	Is like being nowhere at all,
-All through the day how the hours rush by,
-	You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.
-		-- John Denver, "Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio"
-%
 Sauron is alive in Argentina!
 %
-Save energy: be apathetic.
-%
-Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
-%
 Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
 %
 "Saw a sign on a restaurant that said Breakfast, any time -- so I
 ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!
-		-- Ken Thompson
-%
-Schapiro's Explanation:
-	The grass is always greener on the other side -- but that's
-because they use more manure.
-%
-Schizophrenia beats being alone.
-%
-Schlattwhapper, n.:
-	The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
-hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Schnuffel, n.:
 	A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
 mixed company.
@@ -12048,17 +6952,10 @@ Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes
 out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
 		-- Richard Feynman
 %
-Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
-%
 Scientists are people who build the Brooklyn Bridge and then buy it.
 		-- William Buckley
 
 %
-SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
-	You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will
-	achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
-	ethics.  Most Scorpio people are murdered.
-%
 Scott's first Law:
 	No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
 %
@@ -12070,28 +6967,10 @@ Corollary:
 	After the correction has been found in error, it will be
 impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
 %
-Scotty:	Captain, we din' can reference it!
-Kirk:	Analysis, Mr. Spock?
-Spock:	Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
-Kirk:	Then it's of external origin?
-Spock:	Affirmative.
-Kirk:	Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
-Sulu:	Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
-%
-Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
-%
 Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
 Presidency.
 		-- Richard Nixon
 %
-Second Law of Business Meetings:
-	If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you
-will pick the wrong one.
-
-Corollary:
-	If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it
-wrong, anyway.
-%
 "Section 2.4.3.5   AWNS   (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
 	In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received a
 multiline message byte.
@@ -12106,8 +6985,6 @@ must be sent passive true.
 		-- from the IEEE Standard Digital Interface for
 		   Programmable Instrumentation
 %
-Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
-%
 Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
 She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
 Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
@@ -12146,11 +7023,6 @@ misdemeanors.
 %
 Serenity through viciousness.
 %
-Serocki's Stricture:
-	Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
-%
-Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
-%
 Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a
 big store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at
 reasonable prices?  Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's
@@ -12163,13 +7035,6 @@ Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.
 Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.
 		-- Swami X
 %
-Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
-		-- M. C. Reed.
-%
-Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
-it's one of the best.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 Shamus, n. [Yiddish]:
 	A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
 temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.
@@ -12192,48 +7057,26 @@ Shaw's Principle:
 	Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
 want to use it.
 %
-"She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to."
-		-- Gypsy Rose Lee
-%
 She is not refined.  She is not unrefined.  She keeps a parrot.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them
 were bad.
 %
-She missed an invaluable opportunity to give him a look that you could
-have poured on a waffle ...
-%
 "She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
 you should hear me play piano.'"
 		-- Morrisey
 %
-"Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have
-taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an
-excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature."
-		-- Samuel Johnson
-%
 She's genuinely bogus.
 %
-SHIFT TO THE LEFT!  SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
-POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
-%
 Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is
 playing golf with his boss.
 %
-Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
-%
 Signals don't kill programs.  Programs kill programs.
 %
 Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
 		-- from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet
 %
-Silverman's Law:
-	If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
-%
-Simon's Law:
-	Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
-%
 Simulated fortune:
 
 	The head and in frontal attack on an english writer that the
@@ -12243,64 +7086,14 @@ Simulated fortune:
 
 		-- by Claude E. Shannon.
 %
-Since I hurt my pendulum
-My life is all erratic.
-My parrot, who was cordial,
-Is now transmitting static.
-The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
-The cat keeps doing poo.
-The only thing that keeps me sane
-Is talking to my shoe.
-		-- My Shoe
-%
-Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
-alive.
-		-- John Sloan
-%
 Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
 		-- Bob "Mountain" Beck
 %
-[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
-vices I admire.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-Sixtus V, Pope from 1585 to 1590 authorized a printing of the Vulgate
-Bible.  Taking no chances, the pope issued a papal bull automatically
-excommunicating any printer who might make an alteration in the text.
-This he ordered printed at the beginning of the Bible.  He personally
-examined every sheet as it came off the press.  Yet the published
-Vulgate Bible contained so many errors that corrected scraps had to be
-printed and pasted over them in every copy.  The result provoked wry
-comments on the rather patchy papal infallibility, and Pope Sixtus had
-no recourse but to order the return and destruction of every copy.
-%
 Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
 	That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
 or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should
 have gotten.
 %
-Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
-to work.
-%
-Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not,
-when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and
-apparently incoherent songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I
-neither saw nor heard as those without might see and hear.  They told a
-tale which was then altogether beyond my feeble comprehension:  they
-were tones, loud, long and deep, breathing the prayer and complaint of
-souls boiling over with the bitterest anguish.  Every tone was a
-testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God for deliverance from
-chains.
-		-- Frederick Douglass
-%
-Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
-	(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
-	    check.
-	(2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
-	(3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
-	    attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
-	    attracted to dark objects.
-%
 Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
 %
 Slurm, n.:
@@ -12308,9 +7101,6 @@ Slurm, n.:
 it sits in the dish too long.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
-		-- Fletcher Knebel
-%
 Snacktrek, n.:
 	The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly
 returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have
@@ -12335,18 +7125,6 @@ So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in
 praise of intelligence.
 		-- Bertrand Russell
 %
-"So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple
-pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops
-its head into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very
-imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies,
-and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top,
-and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the
-gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots."
-		-- Samuel Foote
-%
-So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?  And why can't he ever
-remember his Bible?
-%
 Sodd's Second Law:
 	Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is
 bound to occur.
@@ -12356,9 +7134,6 @@ Software, n.:
 %
 Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
 %
-Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
-		-- Ed Howe
-%
 Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to
 celebrate it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around
 stringing cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on
@@ -12377,14 +7152,9 @@ Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some
 people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
 		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
 %
-Some people have a way about them that seems to say: "If I have only
-one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
-%
 Some people in this department wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit
 them on the head.
 %
-Some people live life in the fast lane.  You're in oncoming traffic.
-%
 Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when
 you finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even
 worse.
@@ -12413,19 +7183,6 @@ Some programming languages manage to absorb change, but withstand
 progress.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-Somebody ought to cross ball point pens with coat hangers so that the
-pens will multiply instead of disappear.
-%
-Someone will try to honk your nose today.
-%
-"Sometimes I simply feel that the whole world is a cigarette and I'm
-the only ashtray."
-%
-Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
-Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
-%
 "Somewhere", said Father Vittorini, "did Blake not speak of the
 Machineries of Joy?  That is, did not God promote environments, then
 intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men
@@ -12447,11 +7204,6 @@ Sorry.  I forget what I was going to say.
 %
 Sorry, no fortune this time.
 %
-Space is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-
-bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
-road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
-		-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
-%
 "Spare no expense to save money on this one."
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
 %
@@ -12489,22 +7241,9 @@ In spite of all my favorite hacks
 
 		Wow!  Wow!  Wow!
 %
-Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
-%
 Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
 		-- Dave Millman
 %
-Speaking as someone who has delved into the intricacies of PL/I, I am
-sure that only Real Men could have written such a machine-hogging,
-cycle-grabbing, all-encompassing monster.  Allocate an array and free
-the middle third?  Sure!  Why not?  Multiply a character string times a
-bit string and assign the result to a float decimal?  Go ahead!  Free a
-controlled variable procedure parameter and reallocate it before
-passing it back?  Overlay three different types of variable on the same
-memory location?  Anything you say!  Write a recursive macro?  Well,
-no, but Real Men use rescan.  How could a language so obviously
-designed and written by Real Men not be intended for Real Man use?
-%
 Speaking of Godzilla and other things that convey horror:
 
 	With a purposeful grimace and a Mongo-like flair
@@ -12539,8 +7278,6 @@ number of times you have looked at it.
 %
 Spelling is a lossed art.
 %
-Spend extra time on hobby.  Get plenty of rolling papers.
-%
 Spirtle, n.:
 	The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
 your eye.
@@ -12550,35 +7287,10 @@ Spouse, n.:
 	Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
 wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
 %
-"Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist
-drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to pur'ee of bat guano; and the
-greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who!  And I'll
-take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!"
-		-- Harlan Ellison
-%
-Stay away from flying saucers today.
-%
-Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
-%
-"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly."
-%
-Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy:
-	Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have
-another drink.
-%
 Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming:
 	Never test for an error condition you don't know how to
 handle.
 %
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
-%
-Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.  Now, if they'd only
-take a bath ...
-%
-Stult's Report:
-	Our problems are mostly behind us.  What we have to do now is
-fight the solutions.
-%
 Stupid, n.:
 	Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
 %
@@ -12587,15 +7299,6 @@ Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
 Sturgeon's Law:
 	90% of everything is crud.
 %
-Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your
-editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way
-before it is understood.
-%
-Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
-%
 Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to the seminar
 without his duck ...
 %
@@ -12621,16 +7324,6 @@ Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
 %
 Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
 %
-Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit!  Just type
-in your name and social security number.  Please remember that leaving
-the room is punishable under law:
-
-Name	#
-%
-Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
-%
-Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
-%
 Swahili, n.:
 	The language used by the National Enquirer to print their
 retractions.
@@ -12639,80 +7332,13 @@ retractions.
 Sweater, n.:
 	A garment worn by a child when its mother feels chilly.
 %
-Swipple's Rule of Order:
-	He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
-%
-Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
-		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
-%
-System/3!  System/3!
-See how it runs!  See how it runs!
-	Its monitor loses so totally!
-	It runs all its programs in RPG!
-	It's made by our favorite monopoly!
-System/3!
-%
-Systems have sub-systems and sub-systems have sub-systems and so on ad
-infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
-		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
-%
-T:	One big monster, he called TROLL.
-	He don't rock, and he don't roll;
-	Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies.
-	He just Love To Eat Them Roguies.
-		-- The Roguelet's ABC
-%
-Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a
-hole in his head.
-%
 Tact, n.:
 	The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
 %
-Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
-%
 Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting
 enough cheese
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
-Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
-%
-Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it
-needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
-		-- Kipling
-%
-Take the folks at Coca-Cola.  For many years, they were content to sit
-back and make the same old carbonated beverage.  It was a good
-beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up
-drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a
-nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves
-and the teacher says: "Imagine what it does to your TEETH!"  So
-Coca-Cola was solidly entrenched in the market, and the management saw
-no need to improve ...
-		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
-%
-Take your dying with some seriousness, however.  Laughing on the way to
-your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms,
-and they'll call you crazy.
-		-- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
-%
-Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
-		-- Euripides
-%
-Talkers are no good doers.
-		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
-%
-Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
-		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
-%
-TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
-	You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged
-	determination and work like hell.  Most people think you are
-	stubborn and bull headed.  You are a Communist.
-%
-Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind
-the tree."
-		-- Russell Long
-%
 Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
 out of the market.
 %
@@ -12723,49 +7349,6 @@ an extension.
 Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he
 grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
 %
-Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
-%
-Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means
-for going backwards.
-		-- Aldous Huxley
-%
-Telephone, n.:
-	An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the
-advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-Tell me, O Octopus, I begs,
-Is those things arms, or is they legs?
-I marvel at thee, Octopus;
-If I were thou, I'd call me us.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
-writing.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
-"Terence, this is stupid stuff:
-You eat your victuals fast enough;
-There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
-To see the rate you drink your beer.
-But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,
-It gives a chap the belly-ache.
-The cow, the old cow, she is dead;
-It sleeps well the horned head:
-We poor lads, 'tis our turn now
-To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
-Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
-Your friends to death before their time.
-Moping, melancholy mad:
-Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad."
-		-- A. E. Housman
-%
-"Termiter's argument that God is His own grandmother generated a
-surprising amount of controversy among Church leaders, who on the one
-hand considered the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other
-hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother."
-		-- Len Cool, "American Pie"
-%
 Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a
 pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city
 until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian .... To him is
@@ -12783,8 +7366,6 @@ philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
 
 (Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church).
 %
-Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
-%
 Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
 %
 "Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
@@ -12801,14 +7382,6 @@ Thank goodness modern convenience is a thing of the remote future.
 %
 That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
 %
-That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
-The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
-%
-The Abrams' Principle:
-	The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
-%
 The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
@@ -12840,21 +7413,6 @@ The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas
 River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little
 Rock.
 %
-The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion.
-Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed
-and color, but also on ability.
-		-- T. Lehrer
-%
-The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
-		-- Bill Murray
-%
-The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use
-in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the
-Declaration not for that, but for future use.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
-%
 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the
 average man can see better than he can think.
 %
@@ -12892,63 +7450,17 @@ emit a serious aroma.  Patties that were too rank even to be Seafood
 Lover's Patties would be compressed into wads and sold as "Nuggets."
 		-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"
 %
-The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland";
-but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
-%
-The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-		-- W. C. Fields
-%
-The best defense against logic is ignorance.
-%
-The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
-%
-"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and
-blow, "is to learn something.  That's the only thing that never fails.
-You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at
-night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only
-love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or
-know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds.  There is only
-one thing for it then -- to learn.  Learn why the world wags and what
-wags it.  That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust,
-never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never
-dream of regretting.  Learning is the only thing for you.  Look what a
-lot of things there are to learn."
-		-- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
-%
 The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them
 is a match.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
 The bigger the theory the better.
 %
-The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
-time.
-		-- Merrick Furst
-%
-The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time for Miss
-Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
-
-It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners has been
-known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped over a curb, and,
-in her wild youth, even to press a dainty slipper against a foot or two
-under the dinner table.  Miss Manners also believes that the sight of
-people strolling hand in hand or arm in arm or arm in hand dresses up a
-city considerably more than the more familiar sight of people shaking
-umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
-activity that frightens the horses on the street ...
-%
-"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."
-%
 The bogosity meter just pegged.
 %
 The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up
 in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.
 %
-The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development:
-	To determine how long it will take to write and debug a
-program, take your best estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and
-convert to the next higher units.
-%
 The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be.
 Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in
 automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.
@@ -12975,28 +7487,15 @@ party of more than two, the epic poem, and the science of metaphysics.
 "The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
 		-- G. Fitch
 %
-The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up
-at the steam fitters' picnic.
-%
 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
 %
 The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
 		-- Alfred Adler
 %
-The church is near but the road is icy; the bar is far away but I will
-walk carefully.
-		-- Russian Proverb
-%
-"The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live
-elsewhere."
-%
 The computer gets faster! --Moore--
 %
 "The Computer made me do it."
 %
-The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
-		-- Alan Perlis
-%
 The confusion of a staff member is measured by the length of his
 memos.
 		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
@@ -13018,46 +7517,12 @@ Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you
 talked about.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
 %
-The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
-%
-The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going
-down.
-%
 The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
 eat.
 		-- John McNulty
 %
-The Crown is full of it!
-		-- Nate Harris, 1775
-%
-The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should
-therefore be hushed.  A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could
-hardly be propagated.  If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to
-declare war and they are screened at once from scrutiny ...  In war,
-then, as in peace, assert the freedom of speech and of the press.
-Cling to this as the bulwark of all our rights and privileges.
-		-- William Ellery Channing
-%
 The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
 %
-The day-to-day travails of the IBM programmer are so amusing to most of
-us who are fortunate enough never to have been one -- like watching
-Charlie Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
-%
-The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
-%
-The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
-%
-"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity?  If Gladstone fell
-into the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him
-out again, it would be a calamity."
-		-- Benjamin Disraeli
-%
-The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
-requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require
-scholarship.
-		-- Robert Heinlein
-%
 The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the
 following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates:
 
@@ -13079,21 +7544,6 @@ The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
 really clever who has not found that he is stupid.
 		-- Gilbert K. Chesterson
 %
-The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water.  Eager to show
-off this amazing accomplishment, he asked a friend to go along on his
-next hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the
-duck fell, the dog walked on the surface of the water, retrieved the
-duck and returned it to his master.
-	"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
-	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't
-swim."
-%
-The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late
-and owns the worm farm.
-		-- Travis McGee
-%
-The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
-%
 The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
 add ten percent.
 %
@@ -13120,15 +7570,9 @@ The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
 remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-The fact that it works is immaterial.
-		-- L. Ogborn
-%
 The faster we go, the rounder we get.
 		-- The Grateful Dead
 %
-The Fifth Rule:
-	You have taken yourself too seriously.
-%
 The final screw holding up a rackmount server is always possessed by demons.
 %
 The First Commandment for Technicians:
@@ -13136,9 +7580,6 @@ The First Commandment for Technicians:
 capacitor, lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most
 untechnician-like manner.
 %
-The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
-		-- Abbie Hoffman
-%
 The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
 Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a
 tragic death.  He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad
@@ -13187,13 +7628,6 @@ hard."
 hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do."
 		-- McCloctnik the Lucid
 %
-The First Rule of Program Optimization:
-	Don't do it.
-
-The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!):
-	Don't do it yet.
-		-- Michael Jackson
-%
 The first time, it's a KLUDGE!
 The second, a trick.
 Later, it's a well-established technique!
@@ -13212,13 +7646,6 @@ blocks form a line parallel to the track axis.  This line moves
 parallel to the sector axis, wrapping around when it reaches the edge
 of the hyper-cube.
 %
-The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
-people who want some.
-		-- Dwight MacDonald
-%
-The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions and by
-a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
-%
 "The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
 vinyl."
 		-- Dave Barry
@@ -13229,28 +7656,12 @@ number of your kids by 32 teeth.
 The future is going to be boring.
 		-- J. G. Ballard
 %
-The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to
-chance.
-%
-The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
-%
-The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.  Due north of the
-center we find the South End.  This is not to be confused with South
-Boston which lies directly east from the South End.  North of the South
-End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
-%
 The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled
 today.
 %
 The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at
 least until we've finished building it.
 %
-The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.  The goal of nature
-is to build better mice.
-%
-The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.  They gave him
-love and he invented marriage.
-%
 THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
 	The one who has the gold makes the rules.
 %
@@ -13293,49 +7704,14 @@ would have been useful to the chicken.
  
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "On Induction"
 %
-The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
-The hearing ear is always found close to the speaking tongue, a custom
-whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary,
-nohow.
-%
-The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
-	You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
-%
-The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent
-thinkers.
-%
 The hieroglyphics are all unreadable except for a notation on the back,
 which reads "Genuine authentic Egyptian papyrus.  Guaranteed to be at
 least 5000 years old."
 %
-The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for
-lists of "Ten Best".
-		-- H. Allen Smith
-%
 "The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
 has gills through which it can see."
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
--- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
-%
-The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange
-protein -- it rejects it.
-		-- P. Medawar
-%
-The human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can
-remember.  Just like the bluebird feeding its young, or the spider
-struggling to weave its perfect web, or the buttercup blooming in
-spring, the shark reveals to us yet another of the infinite and
-wonderful facets of nature, namely the facet that it can bite your head
-off.  This causes us humans to feel a certain degree of awe.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"
-%
-The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that
 procession but carrying a banner.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -13366,18 +7742,10 @@ has.  Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know
 when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important
-point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly
-important thing to people.
-		-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
-%
 The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
 number of participants.
 		-- Adam Walinsky
 %
-The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided
-by the number of people in the group.
-%
 The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free
 information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a
 dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.  If you ask them a
@@ -13388,46 +7756,13 @@ pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big
 consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
 		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
 %
-The Kennedy Constant:
-	Don't get mad -- get even.
-%
-The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
-%
-The ladies men admire, I've heard,
-Would shudder at a wicked word.
-Their candle gives a single light;
-They'd rather stay at home at night.
-They do not keep awake till three,
-Nor read erotic poetry.
-They never sanction the impure,
-Nor recognize an overture.
-They shrink from powders and from paints ...
-So far, I've had no complaints.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 The last good thing written in C was Franz Schubert's Symphony No. 9.
 		-- Werner Trobin
 %
-"The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
-word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
-drugs.'
-		-- Roy Blount, Jr.
-%
-The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the
-poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal
-bread.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
 The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
 law free.
 		-- Henry David Thoreau
 %
-"The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
-men should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the
-universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we
-presently imagine we own."
-		-- H.G. Wells
-%
 The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching
 train.
 %
@@ -13435,75 +7770,27 @@ The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
 %
 The Linimon's Rule About PRs: The More You Close, The More Will Come
 %
-The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get
-much sleep.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
-		-- Henry Kissinger
-%
 "The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
 we could with both of them."
 		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
 %
-The makers may make
-and the users may use,
-but the fixers must fix
-with but minimal clues
-%
-The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the
-crowd.  The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no
-one has ever been.
-		-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
-%
-The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
-will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-		-- Mark Twain.
-%
 The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
 soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
 when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
 %
-The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
-%
 The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
 devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation.
 		-- Lew Mammel, Jr.
 %
-The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might
-be general systems laws.  For example, Frank Harary once suggested the
-law that any field that had the word "science" in its name was
-guaranteed thereby not to be a science.  He would cite as examples
-Military Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking
-Science, Social Science, and Computer Science.  Discuss the generality
-of this law, and possible reasons for its predictive
-power.
-		-- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction to General Systems
-		   Thinking."
-%
 The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
-		-- Nicol Williamson
-%
 The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
 %
-The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
-%
 "The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
 lower the mailing cost."
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
-The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
-robbers there will be.
-		-- Lao Tsu
-%
-The more things change, the more they stay insane.
-%
-The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us
-is right.
-%
 The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 		-- Andy Warhol
 %
@@ -13511,12 +7798,6 @@ The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
 to watch someone else do it wrong without comment."
 		-- Theodore H. White
 %
-The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
-discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
-The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
-%
 "The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
 		-- David Letterman
@@ -13524,38 +7805,12 @@ The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
 The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
 	Support your right to bare arms!
 %
-The net of law is spread so wide,
-No sinner from its sweep may hide.
-Its meshes are so fine and strong,
-They take in every child of wrong.
-O wondrous web of mystery!
-Big fish alone escape from thee!
-		-- James Jeffrey Roche
-%
-The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.  I
-hope I don't get run over again.
-%
-The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory,
-in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
-
-	But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for
-	whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
-		-- Matthew 5:37
-%
 "The New York Times is read by the people who run the country.  The
 Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country.
 The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive
 and running the country ..."
 		-- Robert J Woodhead
 %
-The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to
-choose from.
-		-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
-%
-The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the
-80-column card.
-		-- Dennis M. Ritchie
-%
 The notion that the church, the press, and the universities should
 serve the state is essentially a Communist notion ... In a free society
 these institutions must be wholly free -- which is to say that their
@@ -13566,39 +7821,6 @@ The number of arguments is unimportant unless some of them are
 correct.
 		-- Ralph Hartley
 %
-The objective of all dedicated employees should be to thoroughly
-analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their
-occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve
-these problems when called upon.
-
-However, When you are up to your ass in alligators it is difficult to
-remind yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
-%
-The Official MBA Handbook on business cards:
-	Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm,
-Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate
-Planning."
-%
-The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
-%
-The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.  Let the reader
-catch his own breath.
-		-- Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart
-%
-The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
-brings wisdom.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
-The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when
-to cringe.
-%
-The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the
-`social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
-		-- Ernest Rutherford
-%
-The only problem with being a man of leisure is that you can never stop
-and take a rest.
-%
 "The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
@@ -13610,10 +7832,6 @@ has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture,
 finished, and put inside boxes.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.  It is never any
-use to oneself.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 "The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
 history."
 		-- Hegel
@@ -13622,26 +7840,10 @@ history."
 long view."
 		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
 %
-The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.  It doesn't even get up
-until 5 or 6 p.m.
-%
-The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
-		-- Bohr
-%
-The optimum committee has no members.
-		-- Norman Augustine
-%
 "The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
 went back in time."
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because
-it isn't here.
-		-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
-%
 The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
 were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
@@ -13652,34 +7854,12 @@ Let others think his heart is big,
 I think it stupid of the Pig.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter.  The batter
-swang and missed.  The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the
-batter connected.  He hit a high fly right to the center fielder.  The
-center fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute
-his eyes were blound by the sun and he dropped it.
-		-- Dizzy Dean
-%
 The plot was designed in a light vein that somehow became varicose.
 		-- David Lardner
 %
-The polite thing to do has always been to address people as they wish
-to be addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified.  But it
-is equally important to accept and tolerate different standards of
-courtesy, not expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own
-preferences.  Only then can we hope to restore the insult to its proper
-social function of expressing true distaste.
-		-- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to
-		   Excruciatingly Correct Behavior"
-%
 "The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
 often."
 %
-The Preacher, the Politician, the Teacher,
-	Were each of them once a kiddie.
-A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
-	Do I want one?  God Forbiddie!
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 The President publicly apologized today to all those offended by his
 brother's remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is
 Jews!".  Those offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
@@ -13695,13 +7875,6 @@ changing the warranty expiration date with a 15/64-inch felt-tipped
 marker.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
-constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
-appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
-statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.  This
-also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
-		-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
-%
 The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
 voters to win the next election.
 %
@@ -13727,32 +7900,6 @@ of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats
 developed cancer.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
 %
-The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go
-to erase it.
-		-- Glaser and Way
-%
-The problem with engineers is that they tend to cheat in order to get
-results.
-
-The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
-problems in order to get results.
-
-The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy
-problems in order to get results.
-%
-The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
-pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
-		-- Elizabeth Taylor
-%
-The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-%
-The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's
-outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by
-mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club.  Once
-tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims
-the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 "The pyramid is opening!"
 "Which one?"
 "The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
@@ -13776,8 +7923,6 @@ But chiefly on the just, because
 The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
 cursed.
 %
-The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
-%
 The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose",
 which is also sometimes called "grape sugar", and also because "Grape
 Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil
@@ -13793,20 +7938,12 @@ persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all
 progress depends on the unreasonable man.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-The revolution will not be televised.
-%
-The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-		-- Emerson
-%
 The rhino is a homely beast,
 For human eyes he's not a feast.
 Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros,
 I'll stare at something less prepoceros.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.  This
-means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
-%
 "The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
 and to his imagination for his facts."
 		-- Sheridan
@@ -13814,37 +7951,15 @@ and to his imagination for his facts."
 The right to revolt has sources deep in our history.
 		-- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas
 %
-"The rights you have are the rights given you by this Committee [the
-House Un-American Activities Committee].  We will determine what rights
-you have and what rights you have not got."
-		-- J. Parnell Thomas
-%
 The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  And littered with
 sloppy analysis!
 %
-The Roman Rule
-	The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the
-	one who is doing it.
-%
-The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in
-his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on
-one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
-take it too seriously.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 The rule on staying alive as a forcaster is to give 'em a number or
 give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
 		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
 %
 "The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
 %
-The Schwine-Kitzenger Institute study of 47 men over the age of 100
-showed that all had these things in common:
-
-	(1) They all had moderate appetites.
-	(2) They all came from middle class homes
-	(3) All but two of them were dead.
-%
 The scum also rises.
 		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
 %
@@ -13870,23 +7985,12 @@ in a direction you did not want.  (Goes the wrong way = Goes a long
 way.)
 		-- Dan Roddick
 %
-"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity
-and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted
-activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy ...
-neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
-%
-"The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their
-money."
-		-- Ed Bluestone, "The National Lampoon"
-%
 "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
 %
 The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
 able to correct them.
 		-- Nicolaides
 %
-The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
-%
 The Soviet pre-eminence in chess can be traced to the average Russian's
 readiness to brood obsessively over anything, even the arrangement of
 some pieces of wood.  Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet
@@ -13905,9 +8009,6 @@ the Russians.
 %
 The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
 %
-The steady state of disks is full.
-		-- Ken Thompson
-%
 The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make
 them unsafe.
 		-- Mayor Frank Rizzo
@@ -13932,9 +8033,6 @@ And this was very odd, because it was
 The middle of the night.
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-The superfluous is very necessary.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
@@ -13958,11 +8056,6 @@ that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C.  We
 have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
 		-- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
 %
-The Third Law of Photography:
-	If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined
-when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark
-leaks out.
-%
 The Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
 
 The First Law:	You can't get anything without working for it.
@@ -13974,40 +8067,22 @@ The trouble with a kitten is that
 When it grows up, it's always a cat
 		-- Ogden Nash.
 %
-The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
-%
 The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
 it.
 		-- Franklin P. Jones
 %
-The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing
-more important to do.
-%
-The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
-appreciates how difficult it was.
-%
 The trouble with superheros is what to do between phone booths.
 		-- Ken Kesey
 %
 The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
 %
-The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.  And
-vice versa.
-%
 The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
 Which practically conceal its sex.
 I think it clever of the turtle
 In such a fix to be so fertile.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-"The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and
-stupidity."
-%
-The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more
-annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
 "100 percent American"...
 		-- U.S. Army (1945)
@@ -14023,11 +8098,6 @@ The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination -- but the
 combination is locked up in the safe.
 		-- Peter DeVries
 %
-The University of California Bears announced the signing of Reggie
-Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall.  Philbin is said
-to make up for no talent by cheating well.  Says Philbin of his
-decision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
-%
 The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and
 religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging
 from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its
@@ -14056,13 +8126,6 @@ it's just a tired feeling:"
 %
 The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
 %
-"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
-that would be clearly understood."
-		-- Alexander Haig
-%
-"The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start
-with a large fortune."
-%
 The wind doth taste so bitter sweet,
 	Like Jaspar wine and sugar,
 It must have blown through someone's feet,
@@ -14071,18 +8134,6 @@ It must have blown through someone's feet,
 %
 The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
 %
-The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
-%
-The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
-%
-The world's as ugly as sin,
-And almost as delightful
-		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
-%
-The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of
-four and eighteen.  At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
-the answers.
-%
 Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
 
 He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan,
@@ -14115,13 +8166,6 @@ are chosen correctly.
 %
 There are no games on this system.
 %
-There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
-existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
-marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
-engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is
-obviously impossible.
-		-- Richard Davisson
-%
 There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
 truth without lying.
 %
@@ -14129,19 +8173,6 @@ There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
 vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
 		-- Gloria Steinem
 %
-"There are some micro-organisms that exhibit characteristics of both
-plants and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
-and when the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again,
-don't we all?"
-%
-"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells
-and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated
-pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving
-them parched for wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you
-stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your
-intelligence."
-		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
-%
 There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.
 		-- Disraeli
 %
@@ -14163,22 +8194,6 @@ engineers.  While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
 the more certain."
 		-- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
 %
-There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring
-the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy.  Two:  Record many
-facts.  Try to find a pattern.  Then make a wrong guess at the next
-fact; that's science.  Three:  Be aware that you live in a malevolent
-Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's
-Factor; that's engineering.
-%
-There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I
-can't remember.
-		-- Italo Svevo
-%
-There are three ways to get something done:
-	(1) Do it yourself.
-	(2) Hire someone to do it for you.
-	(3) Forbid your kids to do it.
-%
 There are times when truth is stranger than fiction and lunch time is
 one of them.
 %
@@ -14197,49 +8212,15 @@ other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
 deficiencies."
 		-- C. A. R. Hoare
 %
-"There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the
-other is to read Pope."
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-There are two ways to write error-free programs.  Only the third one
-works.
-%
-There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a
-suitable application of high explosives.
-%
 There can be no twisted thought without a twisted molecule.
 		-- R. W. Gerard
 %
-There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.
-		-- Henry Kissinger
-%
-There exist tasks which cannot be done by more than 10 men or fewer
-than 100.
-		-- Steele's Law
-%
-There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know
-nothing about.
-%
-There is a certain impertinence in allowing oneself to be burned for an
-opinion.
-		-- Anatole France
-%
-There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
-paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
-%
-There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
-%
 There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs
 tied during the month of April.
 %
 There is a natural hootchy-kootchy to a goldfish.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
-"There is a road to freedom.  Its milestones are Obedience, Endeavor,
-Honesty, Order, Cleanliness, Sobriety, Truthfulness, Sacrifice, and
-love of the Fatherland."
-		-- Adolf Hitler
-%
 There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly
 what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
 disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
@@ -14248,15 +8229,8 @@ inexplicable.
 There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe"
 %
-"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
-vacuum."
-		-- Arthur C. Clarke
-%
 There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
 %
-There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the
 tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not
 abuse it.  So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and
@@ -14272,38 +8246,15 @@ home."
 There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast
-reflexes.
-%
 There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
 %
-There is no time like the pleasant.
-%
-There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be
-doing.
-%
 There is no TRUTH.  There is no REALITY.  There is no CONSISTENCY.
 There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS.  I'm very probably wrong.
 %
-"There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine,"
-said a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.  "And yet just
-a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable
-question," said Nasrudin.  "I could have answered it if I had been
-there." "Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
-the middle of the night?'"
-%
 There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
 ocean level wouldn't cure.
 		-- Ross MacDonald
 %
-There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and
-that is not being talked about.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
-returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 There once was a girl named Irene
 Who lived on distilled kerosene
 	But she started absorbin'
@@ -14322,22 +8273,6 @@ Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
 	He knew nothing at all,
 And now he's a College Professor.
 %
-"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved
-it."
-		-- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
-%
-There was a plane crash over mid-ocean, and only three survivors were
-left in the life-raft: the Pope, the President, and Mayor Daley.
-Unfortunately, it was a one-man life-raft, and quickly sinking, so they
-started debating who should be allowed to stay.
-
-The Pope pointed out that he was the spiritual leader of millions all
-over the world, the President explained that if he died then America
-would be stuck with the Vice-President, and so forth.  Then Mayor Daley
-said, "Look!  We're not solving anything like this!  The only fair
-thing to do is to vote on it."  So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97
-votes.
-%
 There was a young lady from Hyde
 Who ate a green apple and died.
 	While her lover lamented
@@ -14380,15 +8315,10 @@ first electrical digital computer, and the first communications
 satellite.  Guess which one got to tell the other how to run the
 telephone business?
 %
-There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not
-a fence.
-%
 There's a long-standing bug relating to the x86 architecture that
 allows you to install Windows.
 		-- Matthew D. Fuller
 %
-There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
-%
 There's little in taking or giving,
 	There's little in water or wine:
 This living, this living, this living,
@@ -14407,20 +8337,11 @@ There's no easy quick way out, we're gonna have to live through our
 whole lives, win, lose, or draw.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-There's no future in time travel.
-%
-There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
-		-- Dr. Who
-%
 There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get
 any worse.
 %
 There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
 %
-There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
-working for you.
-		-- Will Rodgers
-%
 "There's nothing in the middle of the road but a yellow stripe and dead
 armadillos."
 		-- Jim Hightower, Texas Agricultural Commissioner
@@ -14429,27 +8350,11 @@ There's nothing so precious as a cafe full of Gap kiddies trying to
 work out whether you're really wearing rubber pants.
 		-- Mike Smith
 %
-"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
-aggravate."
-%
-There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
-what it is I'll get married again.
-		-- Clint Eastwood
-%
-There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is
-becoming an endangered synthetic.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 "These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!"
 "These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!"
 "These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick the CRAP
 out of MEGATON MAN!"
 %
-These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they
-used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
-%
-They also surf who only stand on waves.
-%
 They have their datasheets translated from Korean into English by
 Russians with Greek->German dictionaries
 		-- Philip Paeps, on modern hardware documentation
@@ -14467,42 +8372,12 @@ safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
 %
 "They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
 %
-They told me you had proven it		When they discovered our results
-	About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
-The proof was valid, more or less	Instead of understanding it
-	But rather less than more.		We'd run the thing through PRL.
-
-He sent them word that we would try	Don't tell a soul about all this
-	To pass where they had failed		For it must ever be
-And after we were done, to them		A secret, kept from all the rest
-	The new proof would be mailed.		Between yourself and me.
-
-My notion was to start again
-	Ignoring all they'd done
-We quickly turned it into code
-	To see if it would run.
-%
-They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
-%
 "They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult
 to like."
 		-- Avon
 %
 Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
 %
-Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
-%
-Think big.  Pollute the Mississippi.
-%
-Think honk if you're a telepath.
-%
-Think of it!  With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
-%
-Think of your family tonight.  Try to crawl home after the computer
-crashes.
-%
-Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
-%
 "Thirty days hath Septober,
 April, June, and no wonder.
 all the rest have peanut butter
@@ -14516,16 +8391,8 @@ characters, and, given enough time, will undoubtedly come up with
 something profound.  It will, however, take it no time at all to be
 more profound than THIS program has ever been.
 %
-This fortune intentionally not included.
-%
 This fortune is false.
 %
-This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
-%
-"This is a country where people are free to practice their religion,
-regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling
-keys ..."
-%
 "This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
 DOG."
 		-- Bob Violence
@@ -14551,18 +8418,10 @@ and you must pay thousands of dollars if you want to fly back out.
 %
 This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
 %
-This is for all ill-treated fellows
-	Unborn and unbegot,
-For them to read when they're in trouble
-	And I am not.
-		-- A. E. Housman
-%
 "This is lemma 1.1.  We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
 to one."
 		-- Prof. Seager, C&O 351
 %
-This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
-%
 THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM
 
 If you like the fortune program, why not support it now with your
@@ -14580,20 +8439,6 @@ Don't miss out.  All fortunes will be acknowledged.  If you contribute
 Fortune Hunter", our monthly program guide.  If you contribute 50 or
 more, you will receive a free "Fortune Hunter" coffee mug ....
 %
-This is the first numerical problem I ever did.  It demonstrates the
-power of computers:
-
-Enter lots of data on calorie & nutritive content of foods.  Instruct
-the thing to maximize a function describing nutritive content, with a
-minimum level of each component, for fixed caloric content.  The
-results are that one should eat each day:
-
-	1/2 chicken
-	1 egg
-	1 glass of skim milk
-	27 heads of lettuce.
-		-- Rev. Adrian Melott
-%
 This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
 %
 This is the story of the bee
@@ -14625,24 +8470,8 @@ This land has lots of mousers,
 And pussycats to eat them
 When the sun goes down.
 %
-This life is a test.  It is only a test.  Had this been an actual life,
-you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
-to go.
-%
 This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
 %
-This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
-great force.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
-This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of
-the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many
-solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were
-largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper,
-which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of
-paper that were unhappy.
-		-- Douglas Adams
-%
 "This process can check if this value is zero, and if it is, it does
 something child-like."
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
@@ -14658,32 +8487,16 @@ student newspaper, of Tuesday, 3/10/87.
 This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
 		-- Hofstadter
 %
-This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget
-it.
-%
 Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those
 of us who do.
 %
-Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.
-%
-Those who can't write, write manuals.
-%
 "Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics."
 		-- French Proverb
 %
-Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
-		-- Henry Spencer
-%
-Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents,
-for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
-		-- Aristotle
-%
 Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often
 surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
 		-- Mark B. Cohen
 %
-Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
-%
 Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
 revolution inevitable.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
@@ -14703,9 +8516,6 @@ more about the matter than the others.
 %
 Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
 %
-Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so.
-		-- Ford Prefect
-%
 Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at
 once.
 %
@@ -14728,17 +8538,12 @@ this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
 offer in response is based on information available to make no such
 statement."
 %
-To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
-call it the target.
-%
 To envision how a 4-processor system running [SunOS] 4.1.x works, think
 of four kids and one bathroom.
 		-- John DiMarco
 %
 "To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System"
 %
-To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
-%
 To err is human, to moo bovine.
 %
 To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
@@ -14750,9 +8555,6 @@ To generalize is to be an idiot.
 To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three
 men, two of them absent.
 %
-To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-		-- Thomas Edison
-%
 To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
 %
 To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
@@ -14760,16 +8562,6 @@ To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall.
 To the systems programmer, users and applications serve only to provide
 a test load.
 %
-To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
-system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
-inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
-precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel,
-uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
-well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
-of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
-secure ecological niche.
-		-- Beau Sheil, "Power Tools for Programmers"
-%
 To understand this important story, you have to understand how the
 telephone company works.  Your telephone is connected to a local
 computer, which is in turn connected to a regional computer, which is
@@ -14791,17 +8583,6 @@ and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.
 %
 "To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
 %
-"To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
-%
-Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
-%
-Today is the first day of the rest of the mess
-%
-Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
-%
 Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
 %
 "Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
@@ -14813,26 +8594,8 @@ Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity?
 And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
 %
-"Today's thrilling story has been brought to you by Mushies, the great new
-cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more
-spectacular adventure starring ... Tippy, the Wonder Dog."
-		-- Bob & Ray
-%
-Toilet Toup'ee, n.:
-	Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
-creating endless annoyance to male users.
-		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
-%
 Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
 %
-Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
-%
-Too clever is dumb.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
-Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 Too much of everything is just enough.
 		-- Bob Wier
 %
@@ -14877,58 +8640,17 @@ Follow these simple suggestions:
      pile.
 (6)  Stop flipping pancakes
 %
-Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
-%
 Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful, wealthy, and live
 in eucalyptus trees.
 %
-Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
-intelligence.
-		-- Henrik Tikkanen
-%
-Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Truth will be out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
 %
 Truthful, adj.:
 	Dumb and illiterate.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational.
-		-- Charles Schulz
-%
-Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no
-good.
-%
-Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading:  Was it done,
-is it being done, or is something to be done?  Reports are now written
-in four tenses:  past tense, present tense, future tense, and
-pretense.  Watch for novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer),
-defined by the imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the
-absolutely perfect future.
-		-- Amrom Katz
-%
-Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
-%
-Trying to be happy is like trying to build a machine for which the only
-specification is that it should run noiselessly.
-%
-Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
-		-- Alan Watts
-%
 Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
 %
-Turnaucka's Law:
-	The attention span of a computer is only as long as its
-electrical cord.
-%
-Tussman's Law:
-	Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
-%
-TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-		-- Frank Lloyd Wright
-%
 'Twas midnight, and the UNIX hacks
 Did gyre and gimble in their cave
 All mimsy was the CS-VAX
@@ -14955,96 +8677,35 @@ Pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an
 Twenty Percent of Zero is Better than Nothing.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
-		-- Howard Kandel
-%
-Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man
-said, "This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The
-second man said, "He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his
-chambers, and spent an hour trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded
-only in falling over and bruising his forehead.  Returning to the
-courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine the man whose ear was bitten.
-If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself and the case is
-dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man did it and
-must pay three silver pieces."
-%
-Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
-%
 "Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory.
 I forget the second."
 %
 Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
 %
-U:	There's a U -- a Unicorn!
-	Run right up and rub its horn.
-	Look at all those points you're losing!
-	UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
-		-- The Roguelet's ABC
-%
 "Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."
 
 (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
 		-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
 %
-UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
-%
 "Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"
 
 "It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
 right?"
 		-- MacNelley, "Shoe"
 %
-Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
-	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
-hammer or get a splinter in it.
-%
 Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
 just man is also in prison.
 		-- Henry David Thoreau
 %
-Under deadline pressure for the next week.  If you want something, it
-can wait.  Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic ...
-%
-Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics:
-	Superiority is recessive.
-%
-Unfair animal names:
-
--- tsetse fly			-- bullhead
--- booby			-- duck-billed platypus
--- sapsucker			-- Clarence
-		-- Gary Larson
-%
-United Nations, New York, December 25.  The peace and joy of the
-Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of
-all the military forces of the world.  Panic reigns in the hearts of
-all the patriots of every persuasion.
-
-Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time low over the
-world.
-		-- Isaac Asimov
-%
-Universe, n.:
-	The problem.
-%
 University, n.:
 	Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
 usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to
 fix it, and ...
 %
-unix soit qui mal y pense
-%
 UNIX was half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
 Tue Nov  5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
 		-- Andy Tannenbaum
 %
-Unnamed Law:
-	If it happens, it must be possible.
-%
-Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American now pays out
-twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-		-- H. L. Mencken
-%
 Usage: fortune -P [] -a [xsz] [Q: [file]] [rKe9] -v6[+] dataspec ... inputdir
 %
 User n.:
@@ -15054,9 +8715,6 @@ USER, n.:
 	The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"
 %
-Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
-		-- S. C. Johnson
-%
 Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
 opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
 		-- Doug Larson
@@ -15069,9 +8727,6 @@ Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ...
 Tom:	 I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ...
 		-- Tom Chapin
 %
-Van Roy's Law:
-	An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-%
 Vanilla, adj.:
 	Ordinary flavor, standard.  See FLAVOR.  When used of food,
 very often does not mean that the food is flavored with vanilla
@@ -15079,16 +8734,8 @@ extract!  For example, "vanilla-flavored won ton soup" (or simply
 "vanilla won ton soup") means ordinary won ton soup, as opposed to hot
 and sour won ton soup.
 %
-Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
-	(1) If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only
-	    once.
-	(2) If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data
-	    points.
-%
 Veni, Vidi, Visa.
 %
-Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
-%
 Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
 Orac: "It is unlikely.  I would predict there are far greater mistakes
       waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
@@ -15099,19 +8746,6 @@ Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
 Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the
 yard.
 %
-VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
-	Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to
-	ten without using your fingers.  Be careful dressing this
-	morning.  You may be hit by a car later in the day and you
-	wouldn't want to be taken to the doctor's office in some of
-	that old underwear you own.
-%
-VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
-	You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
-	sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and
-	sometimes fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good bus
-	drivers.
-%
 "Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
 %
 Virtue is its own punishment.
@@ -15123,34 +8757,15 @@ Vitamin C deficiency is apauling
 %
 VMS is like a nightmare about RSX-11M.
 %
-Vote anarchist
-%
 Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
 TAX-DEFERRED!
 %
 VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
 %
-"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
-1st customer: "I'll have tea."
-2nd customer: "Me, too -- and be sure the glass is clean!"
-	(Waiter exits, returns)
-Waiter: "Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?"
-%
 Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
 %
-War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
-		-- Charles Edward Montague
-%
 War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
 %
-WARNING:
-	Reading this fortune can affect the dimensionality of your
-mind, change the curvature of your spine, cause the growth of hair on
-your palms, and make a difference in the outcome of your favorite war.
-%
 Warning: Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.
 %
 Warning: Listening to WXRT on April Fools' Day is not recommended for
@@ -15160,40 +8775,9 @@ up.
 %
 Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
 %
-Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
-		-- John F. Kennedy
-%
-Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
-%
-Wasting time is an important part of living.
-%
-Watson's Law:
-	The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
-number and significance of any persons watching it.
-%
-We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which
-divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
-correct.  My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
-		-- Niels Bohr
-%
-We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
-We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
-		-- Winston Churchill
-%
-We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
-		-- Whole Earth Catalog
-%
 We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
 		-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
 %
-We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to
-socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The
-bad thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say
-socialism?
-		-- Fidel Castro
-%
 "We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
 theorem."
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
@@ -15201,8 +8785,6 @@ theorem."
 "We are upping our standards ... so up yours."
 		-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988.
 %
-We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
-%
 We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is
 deceased.  My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
 		-- James E. Day, Postmaster General
@@ -15210,11 +8792,6 @@ deceased.  My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
 "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
 		-- Vroomfondel
 %
-"We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company."
-%
-We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a
-fish.
-%
 We don't understand the software, and sometimes we don't understand the
 hardware, but we can *___see* the blinking lights!
 %
@@ -15227,9 +8804,6 @@ mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on
 our grave singing Halleluja ..."
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-We have met the enemy, and he is us.
-		-- Walt Kelly
-%
 We have only two things to worry about:  That things will never get
 back to normal, and that they already have.
 %
@@ -15254,21 +8828,6 @@ floor, which is how the police would find you.
 You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"
 %
-We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
-purely intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start
-with?  Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the
-playing of chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it is
-best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can
-buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English.
-		-- Alan M. Turing
-%
-We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always
-respect their good judgement.
-%
-We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass
-no matter how self-seeking.
-		-- F. G. Withington
-%
 We ought to be very grateful that we have tools.  Millions of years ago
 people did not have them, and home projects were extremely difficult.
 For example, when a primitive person wanted to put up paneling, he had
@@ -15278,12 +8837,6 @@ primitive blood, which isn't really all that bad when you consider how
 ugly paneling is to begin with.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
 %
-We really don't have any enemies.  It's just that some of our best
-friends are trying to kill us.
-%
-We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one
-technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
-%
 we will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love,
 we will cry over things we used to laugh &
 our new wisdom will bring tears to eyes of gentile
@@ -15291,12 +8844,6 @@ creatures from other planets who were afraid of us till then &
 in the end a summer with wild winds &
 new friends will be.
 %
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-We wish you a Hare Krishna
-And a Sun Myung Moon!
-		-- Maxwell Smart
-%
 Weiler's Law:
 	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it
 himself.
@@ -15304,21 +8851,6 @@ himself.
 Weinberg's First Law:
 	Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
 %
-Weinberg's Principle:
-	An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while
-sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
-%
-Weinberg's Second Law:
-	If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
-then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
-%
-Weiner's Law of Libraries:
-	There are no answers, only cross references.
-%
-Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter.  He'll come in handy if
-you run out of food.
-		-- Dean McLaughlin
-%
 "Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is
 no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five
 hundred."
@@ -15350,22 +8882,6 @@ couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
 you believe?!"
 		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
 %
-Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail,
-	And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail;
-I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues,
-	I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-
-If you think that it's nice that you get what you C,
-	Then go : illogical statement with your whole family,
-'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views.
-	I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-
-On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze,
-	But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze.
-Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse,
-	I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
-		-- Core Dumped Blues
-%
 "Well, that was a piece of cake, eh K-9?"
 
 "Piece of cake, Master?  Radial slice of baked confection ...
@@ -15378,16 +8894,6 @@ you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right
 in his bowl full of jelly.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-We're only in it for the volume.
-		-- Black Sabbath
-%
-Westheimer's Discovery:
-	A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
-couple of hours in the library.
-%
-Wethern's Law:
-	Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
-%
 We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away.  The center
 of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away.  You could drive that in a week,
 but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
@@ -15399,33 +8905,15 @@ but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
 something that's soft on morality, generous with holidays, and has a
 short initiation period."
 %
-"What are you doing?"
-
-"Examining the world's major religions.  I'm looking for something
-that's light on morals, has lots of holidays, and with a short
-initiation period."
-%
-What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
-%
-What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
-%
 What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
 %
 What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
 %
-What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
-%
 "What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
 that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our
 country. Nice try anyway, George."
 		-- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
 %
-What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the
-entrance?
-%
-What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow
-in his footsteps?
-%
 What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I hop into the shower
 stall.  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped in I landed
 barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot character
@@ -15452,16 +8940,6 @@ came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at
 parties.
 		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
 %
-What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
-%
-What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?  In that case, I
-definitely overpaid for my carpet.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
-What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?  Or what's
-worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
 		-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
 %
@@ -15482,14 +8960,6 @@ improve matters. This is utterly ridiculous.
 
 Edsger W. Dijkstra, on receiving the ACM Turing Award in 1972
 %
-What is mind?  No matter.
-What is matter?  Never mind.
-		-- Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875
-%
-What is the difference between a Turing machine and the modern
-computer?  It's the same as that between Hillary's ascent of Everest
-and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
-%
 "What is the Nature of God?"
 
     CLICK...CLICK...WHIRRR...CLICK...=BEEP!=
@@ -15501,9 +8971,6 @@ and the establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
 "I've just GOT to start labeling my software..."
 		-- Bloom County
 %
-"What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?"
-		-- Bertold Brecht
-%
 "What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
 which is the exact opposite."
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
@@ -15513,35 +8980,10 @@ What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
 "What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
 		-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
 %
-What makes the universe so hard to comprehend is that there's nothing
-to compare it with.
-%
-What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
-It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books
-and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes
-and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: "Yes,
-women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate
-mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige
-and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort."
-		-- Susan Gordon
-%
-What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
-		-- Ursula K. LeGuin
-%
 What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
 %
-What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
-%
 What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
 %
-What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
-%
-What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
-%
-What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
-%
-What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
-%
 What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
 %
 What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon.
@@ -15560,14 +9002,6 @@ be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually emerge from bed.
 %
 What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
 %
-Whatever became of eternal truth?
-%
-Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for
-cocaine: "You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils
-as far as they will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding
-hundred dollar bills."
-		-- Herb Caen
-%
 Whatever is not nailed down is mine.  What I can pry loose is not
 nailed down.
 		-- Collis P. Huntingdon
@@ -15576,20 +9010,9 @@ nailed down.
 cockroaches!"
 		-- Mom
 %
-"What's another word for Thesaurus?"
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 "What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
-When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the
-money is.
-		-- Robespierre
-%
-When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the
-thing," it's the money.
-		-- Kim Hubbard
-%
 When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half
 loop?
 %
@@ -15598,14 +9021,6 @@ not far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space
 travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
 		-- Robert Heinlein
 %
-When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the
-sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
-relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle
-		   Maintenance"
-%
-When all other means of communication fail, try words.
-%
 "When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
 tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"
 		-- Reuben Flagg
@@ -15614,25 +9029,11 @@ When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
 the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
 		-- Vine Deloria, Jr.
 %
-When does summertime come to Minnesota, you ask?  Well, last year, I
-think it was a Tuesday.
-%
-When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
-guarantee them.
-%
-"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great
-parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if
-I'm leaving."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a
 year.  I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire
 winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"
 %
-When I said "we", officer, I was referring to myself, the four young
-ladies, and, of course, the goat.
-%
 When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.  Now
 I'm beginning to believe it.
 		-- Clarence Darrow
@@ -15642,75 +9043,12 @@ take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
 and get you."
 		-- Jerry Lewis
 %
-"When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any
-firearms with me.  I said, `Well, what do you need?'"
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into
-the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an
-act of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A
-group of seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a
-six-year-old.  "It is always so," my mother said.  "You do things
-together which not one of you would think of doing alone."  ...
-Wherever one looks in the world of human organization, collective
-responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.  The military
-establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems to have
-been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
-together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
-		-- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"
-%
-When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
-or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
-cannot remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to
-go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
-%
-"When in doubt, tell the truth."
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-When in doubt, use brute force.
-		-- Ken Thompson
-%
 When in panic, fear and doubt,
 Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
 %
-When love is gone, there's always justice.
-And when justice is gone, there's always force.
-And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
-Hi, Mom!
-		-- Laurie Anderson
-%
-When Marriage is Outlawed,
-Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
-%
-When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment
-results.
-		-- Calvin Coolidge
-%
-When one woman was asked how long she had been going to symphony
-concerts, she paused to calculate and replied, "Forty-seven years --
-and I find I mind it less and less."
-		-- Louise Andrews Kent
-%
-When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity:
-for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when
-your boss is away and you get twice as much done.
-		-- Daniel B. Luten
-%
-When someone says "I want a programming language in which I need only
-say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
-%
 "When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"
 		-- Jon Carroll
 %
-When the government bureau's remedies don't match your problem, you
-modify the problem, not the remedy.
-%
 When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies,
 the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a
 nose bleed, which usually cures them of ____that.
@@ -15737,91 +9075,38 @@ required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and
 exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
-When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is
-not hereditary.
-		-- Thomas Paine
-%
 When we understand knowledge-based systems, it will be as before --
 except our fingertips will have been singed.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of
-investigation of a topic, it is well to have the answer firmly in hand,
-so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or
-swayed, directly to the goal.
-		-- Amrom Katz
-%
-"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
-%
 When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 %
 When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
-"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
-		-- Winston Churchill, On formal declarations of war
-%
 When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
 asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
 know the answer either.
 		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
 %
-When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
-		-- The Wall Street Journal
-%
-When you try to make an impression, the chances are that is the
-impression you will make.
-%
 When you're away, I'm restless, lonely,
 Wretched, bored, dejected; only
 Here's the rub, my darling dear
 I feel the same when you are near.
 		-- Samuel Hoffenstein, "When You're Away"
 %
-When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
-%
-Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
-		-- Dave Parnas
-%
-Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
-see it tried on him personally.
-		-- Abraham Lincoln
-%
-Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
 you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
 Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
 		-- Mark Twain
 		   "Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court"
 %
-Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
-to reform.
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
-WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE
-
-	Oh, dear, where can the matter be
-	When it's converted to energy?
-	There is a slight loss of parity.
-	Johnny's so long at the fair.
-%
-Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
-is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
-		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
-%
-Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
-%
 Whether you can hear it or not
 The Universe is laughing behind your back
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
 %
 Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
 %
-While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is
-admission to someone else.
-%
 While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things,
 The fate of empires and the fall of kings;
 While quacks of State must each produce his plan,
@@ -15831,41 +9116,14 @@ The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
 		-- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman",
 		   November 26, 1792
 %
-While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
-%
 While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't
 keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.
 		-- Edward Stevenson
 %
-While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own
-form of misery.
-%
-While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining
-position.
-%
-While most peoples' opinions change, the conviction of their
-correctness never does.
-%
-While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
-reassuring to know that it's still there.
-%
 While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are
 safe, for you can watch both of his.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Whistler's Law:
-	You never know who is right, but you always know who is in
-charge.
-%
-"Who cares if it doesn't do anything?  It was made with our new
-Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process ..."
-%
-Who made the world I cannot tell;
-'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
-My hand, though now my knuckles bleed,
-I never soiled with such a deed.
-		-- A. E. Housman
-%
 Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
 %
 Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
@@ -15877,8 +9135,6 @@ Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
 %
 Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
 %
-Who's on first?
-%
 "Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could
 have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."
 		-- Ian Shoales
@@ -15886,23 +9142,13 @@ have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."
 "Why be a man when you can be a success?"
 		-- Bertold Brecht
 %
-Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we
-have?
-%
 Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
 %
-Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
-avoid responsibility with?
-%
 Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office
 automation?
 %
 Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
 %
-Why does man kill?  He kills for food.  And not only food: frequently
-there must be a beverage.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
-%
 Why does New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps and California have
 more lawyers?
 
@@ -15928,15 +9174,8 @@ I'd LOVE to, but ...
 	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
 	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
 %
-"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral?  It is
-because we are not the person involved"
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
 %
-"Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?"
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 "Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
 you knowing nothing?"
 		-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
@@ -15961,9 +9200,6 @@ You:	"It's figgy pudding!  What a treat!"
 Daughter: "It looks like goat barf."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Simple, Homespun Gifts"
 %
-"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:
 	No matter where you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee,
 when it hits the fan, as much as possible will be propelled in your
@@ -15973,13 +9209,6 @@ direction, and almost none will be returned to the source.
 Wiker's Law:
 	Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
 %
-Williams and Holland's Law:
-	If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by
-statistical methods.
-%
-Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as
-it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
-%
 Wit, n.:
 	The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery
 ... by leaving it out.
@@ -15992,17 +9221,6 @@ try to be a fraud and a half.
 With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
 		-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-With all the fancy scientists in the world, why can't they just once
-build a nuclear balm?
-%
-With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand
-miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and
-still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no
-such thing as progress.
-		-- Ransom K. Ferm
-%
-Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
-%
 Wombat's Laws of Computer Selection:
 	(1) If it doesn't run Unix, forget it.
 	(2) Any computer design over 10 years old is obsolete.
@@ -16050,12 +9268,6 @@ Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing:
 	August.  The lines are the shortest, though.
 		-- Steve Rubenstein
 %
-Worst Month of the Year:
-	February.  February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
-you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't
-get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
-		-- Steve Rubenstein
-%
 Worst Response To A Crisis, 1985:
 	From a readers' Q and A column in TV GUIDE: "If we get involved
 in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs
@@ -16066,24 +9278,6 @@ Worst Vegetable of the Year:
 year.
 		-- Steve Rubenstein
 %
-"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
-
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-"Wouldn't the sentence 'I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish
-and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign' have been clearer
-if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and
-and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and
-and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?"
-%
-Write-Protect Tab, n.:
-	A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
-left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
-message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the
-momentary inconvenience.
-		-- Robb Russon
-%
 Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 		-- Frank Zappa
 %
@@ -16092,18 +9286,11 @@ Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
 "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
 the Senator would be to say, `That turns out not to be the case.'"
 %
-Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
-%
-Xerox never comes up with anything original.
-%
 XIIdigitation, n.:
 	The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made
 by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-X-rated movies are all alike ... the only thing they leave to the
-imagination is the plot.
-%
 "Yacc" owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have
 goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
 their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
@@ -16122,22 +9309,9 @@ Year, n.:
 	A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
-%
-Yes, but which self do you want to be?
-%
 Yes, I was surprised how easy it was to cut the door off my cat.
 		-- James D. Nicoll
 %
-Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.  Tomorrow I'll probably still
-be a dog. Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
-		-- Snoopy
-%
-Yesterday upon the stair
-I met a man who wasn't there.
-He wasn't there again today --
-I think he's from the CIA.
-%
 Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
 %
@@ -16243,15 +9417,8 @@ Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
 	Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"
 		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
-You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
-%
 You are the only person to ever get this message.
 %
-You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
-this sort of trash.
-%
-You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
-%
 You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting
 incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail.
 Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable
@@ -16269,9 +9436,6 @@ safety glasses.
 doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on."
 		-- Hepler, Systems Design 182
 %
-You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior
-executive.
-%
 "You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
 Why do you find that funny?"
 		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
@@ -16280,78 +9444,26 @@ You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you
 can with just a kind word.
 		-- Bumper Sticker
 %
-You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have,
-for instance.
-		-- Franklin P. Jones
-%
-You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
-%
 You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
 the continuing viability of FORTRAN.
 		-- Alan Perlis
 %
 You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
 %
-You can take all the impact that science considerations have on funding
-decisions at NASA, put them in the navel of a flea, and have room left
-over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart.
-		-- F. Allen
-%
-You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of
-supercomputers.
-		-- Steven Feiner
-%
 You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
 %
 "You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename."
 		-- Forbes Burkowski, Computer Science 454
 %
-You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
-%
-You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
-%
-You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
-%
-You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
-%
-"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?"
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
 		-- Booker T. Washington
 %
-You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
-%
 "You can't make a program without broken egos."
 %
-You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.  You get spastic
-enough worrying about what's happening now.
-		-- Lauren Bacall
-%
 "You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
-"You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they
-don't."
-		-- Dagwood Bumstead
-%
-You could get a new lease on life -- if only you didn't need the first
-and last month in advance.
-%
-You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
-doubt.
-		-- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict
-%
-You do not have mail.
-%
-You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
-		-- J. D. Salinger
-%
-You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting
-needles.
-		-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food
-%
 You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form.
 The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls "simplified",
 which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears
@@ -16372,8 +9484,6 @@ money.  So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long
 form.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
 %
-You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
-%
 You have acquired a scroll entitled 'irk gleknow mizk'(n).--More--
 
 This is an IBM Manual scroll.--More--
@@ -16389,9 +9499,6 @@ You have junk mail.
 You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets
 wrinkled.
 %
-You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot
-today.
-%
 You know if they ever find a way to harness sarcasm as an energy source,
 you people are all going to owe me big.
 		-- Bill Paul
@@ -16413,12 +9520,8 @@ You know you're a little fat if you have stretch marks on your car.
 You know you've been spending too much time on the computer when your
 friend misdates a check, and you suggest adding a "++" to fix it.
 %
-You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
-%
 You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.
 %
-You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
-%
 You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
 is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
 		-- Sydney Harris
@@ -16427,28 +9530,17 @@ You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with
 him.
 		-- Ed Howe
 %
-You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
-		-- Alfred Kahn
-%
 You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for
 success.  You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits
 or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume
 party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World.
 		-- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
 %
-You might have mail
-%
 You might like to know that I looked at a detailed map of NT, and I'm
 now able to confirm that in all probability Microsoft NT does not
 exist.  If it does, it's so small as to be completely insignificant.
 		-- Greg Lehey
 %
-"You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
-proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do."
-%
-You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll
-be dead.
-%
 You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
 reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
 the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
@@ -16464,12 +9556,6 @@ yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the
 company.
 		-- J. Wellington Wells
 %
-You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
-%
-You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
-know how seldom they do.
-		-- Olin Miller
-%
 You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far.  Especially
 if they are dead.
 %
@@ -16477,10 +9563,6 @@ You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
 about 10^12 to 1.
 		-- Ernest Rutherford
 %
-You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
-freedom and liberty.
-		-- Henrik Ibsen
-%
 You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that,
 contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from
 houses.  Really, that's what scientists believe.  In fact many
@@ -16513,17 +9595,9 @@ You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
 %
 You too can wear a nose mitten.
 %
-You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
-%
 You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
 a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
 %
-You will be surprised by a loud noise.
-%
-You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
-%
-You will feel hungry again in another hour.
-%
 You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door
 mayonnaise salesman.
 %
@@ -16537,40 +9611,11 @@ taxi, you can leave in a huff.  If that's too soon, you can leave in a
 minute and a huff.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"You'll never be the man your mother was!"
-%
-Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.  Don't believe a
-thing he tells you.
-%
 Your conscience never stops you from doing anything.  It just stops you
 from enjoying it.
 %
-Your fault: core dumped
-%
-Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
-%
-Your lucky color has faded.
-%
-Your lucky number has been disconnected.
-%
-Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
-%
-Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
-%
-You're at the end of the road again.
-%
-You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
-%
-You're never too old to become younger.
-		-- Mae West
-%
-You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-		-- Dean Martin
-%
 You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
 %
-You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
-%
 "You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."
 		-- Gary Giddens
 %
@@ -16578,9 +9623,6 @@ You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
 
 "TOMORROW!  I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
 %
-"Yow!  Am I having fun yet?"
-		-- Zippy the Pinhead
-%
 YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
 %
 Zero Defects, n.:
@@ -16590,9 +9632,6 @@ Zounds!  I was never so bethumped with words
 since I first called my brother's father dad.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
 %
-Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
-	People are always available for work in the past tense.
-%
 Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark.
 Professionals built the Titanic.
 %