Finished at last.

1 files changed, 706 insertions, 1 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick b/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
index abd66eb..cd0b87f 100755
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/gerrold.limerick
@@ -67,7 +67,7 @@ A proctologist name of McGee
 once bent over double to see
 	an eyeball of glass
 	he had shoved up his ass,
-"--- so I can see one that looks back at me."
+"-- so I can see one that looks back at me."
 
 From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
 rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
@@ -116,3 +116,708 @@ whose crotch was all smelly and messie.
 
 From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
 rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady who favors coition,
+has invented the spaceship position.
+	She lies down with ease
+	and pulls up her knees,
+and hollers, "Lift off!" and "Ignitions!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Isaac the famous seducer,
+will meet a young lass and conducer
+	to let him get fresh
+	with her quivering flesh,
+but if there isn't the time, he'll just gucer.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+And old man of Texas named Tanners
+was notorious for his bad manners.
+	When he noticed the start
+	of an imminent fart,
+he'd announce it with bullhorns and banners.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A woman who wanted to see,
+if she stood up, how far she could pee,
+	had pardon to beg,
+	when it ran down her leg,
+and formed icicles off her left knee.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A promiscuous sort was dear Laurie
+(Yes, this is that kind of story.)
+	She did it with Joe
+	and Larry and Moe
+and Curly and Howard and Morrie.
+
+And Johnny and Richard and Pritchard and Kerry
+And Lonnie and Horace and Boris and Barry
+	and Donald and Harold
+	and Ronald and Gerald
+and Tommy and Dicky and Harry.
+
+And . . . Peter and Paul and Teddy and Todd
+and Matthew and Mark and Simon and Rod
+	and Brucie and Mark
+	and Bobby and Clarck
+and she still isn't finished! My God!
+
+And David and Dennis and Huey and Ken
+and Dewey and Louie, then David again,
+	and Willy and Ben
+	and David again
+and again and again and again.
+
+And Danny and Manny and Gary and Fred
+and Mackie and Jackie and Dougie and Ned
+	and Harvey and Len
+	(then David again)
+and -- hold on just a second, she's dead!
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young man from St. Loo,
+who gave his dear sister a screw.
+	Said he, with aplomb,
+	"You're better than Mom."
+Said she, "That's what Dad told me too!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady who didn't like flies
+managed to hide her surprise,
+	when she opened up one
+	and found it was fun.
+Now she willingly widens her thighs.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young lady named Nancy,
+who liked having sex, plain of fancy.
+	With lightning and thunder,
+	and a profound sense of wonder,
+But not with a partner -- much too chancy.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young lady quite tearful.
+Of sucking a cock, she was fearful.
+	In a moment of dreard,
+	she just turned her head.
+And, boy! Did she get an earful!
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A mathematician named Boris
+had a wife with a wondrous clitoris.
+	He charged a small fee
+	for his colleagues to see
+that it was made in the shape of a torus.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+The ladies all had to agree
+that Mort's penis was too small to see.
+	A whore named Louise
+	sniffed, "Who will _that_ please?"
+Mort proudly submitted, "Just me!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young fellow named Fisk
+whose comings and goings were brisk,
+	He hid things that were stolen
+	inside his colon,
+and said, "Hey! It's my own *."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A stunning young lady named Joan
+thought a penis was made with a bone.
+	She just didn't know
+	'twas her sexual glow
+that turned parts of men into stone.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A midwife named Flo from Arabia
+often enjoys giving baby a
+	forty-volt shock
+	to the base of the cock.
+(On a girl, she goes for the labia.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+I know of a lass who's for sale.
+She's really a nice piece of tail.
+	From June to September,
+	she'll devour your member,
+but the rest of the year, she's in jail.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Miss Wilkerson thought it her duty
+to maintain her conjugal beauty.
+	She mixed up a paste
+	of industrial waste,
+and applied it to her sweet patootie.*
+
+* The facts about beauty are known,
+and well-learned by those who are grown:
+	beauty is thin,
+	it lies on the skin;
+but ugly goes down to the bone.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+The punctual Cynthia Rolen
+missed a period, (or it was stolen)
+	She looked up her ass
+	with a tube made of glass,
+but found only her own semi-colon;
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A short-organ fellow named Kevin
+used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
+	then to eight and to nine,
+	and though ten was divine,
+there will be film at eleven.*
+
+* If you think that our boy's now a stud,
+you've been fooled by the size of his pud.
+	Although twelve inches soft,
+	when it rises aloft,
+he just faints from the sheer lack of blood.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There once was a lady named Lizard,
+who got lost in a pink candy blizzard,
+	with a fellow named Jim
+	who wanted to swim
+up her legs to visit her gizzard.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young fellow named Ted,
+who had a radio put in his head.
+	Long wave or short
+	he did it for sport
+-- and to improve his reception in bed.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young lady from Venus,
+whose body was shaped like a penis.
+	A fellow named Hunt
+	was shaped like a cunt,
+so it all worked out fine, just between us.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was an old bastard named Gene,
+impotent, selfish, and mean.
+	His dick was so shamed
+	by what the man claimed,
+it pretended that is was a spleen.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There once was a fellow named Jason,
+whose horrible death I would hasten.
+	I'd feed him to worms,
+	just to see how he squirms
+-- but they'd vomit his crap  in a basin.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+With a French lass, it's unwise to trifle.
+They have urges they simply can't stifle.
+	A woman of France
+	will pull down her pants
+at the sight of a towering eye-full.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+"My God!" screamed devout Mrs. Pike,
+as she fondled her stableman's spike.
+	"This is quite out of place,
+	and a great loss of face
+-- but I think I have fallen in like!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A well-endower fellow from Ortening
+prepared for an evening of sportening,
+	with a boy from a disco,
+	till he lubed up his Crisco,
+and discovered, alas, it was _shortening_!
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady who read Sigmund Freud,
+thought her genitals underemployed;
+	so she put in a stand
+	for a seven-piece band,
+and held dances that we all enjoyed.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady named Shirley was mellow
+and she said to her eager young fellow,
+	"I prefer bagels and lox
+	to sucking off cocks,
+Or even a nice dish of Jell-O!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young man from St. Helens
+afflicted with shrinkin's and swellin's.
+	His dick was so small
+	it was not there at all,
+but his balls looked like honeydew melons.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A woman who once faked a lettera
+reference by which she could gettera
+	job much improved,
+	regretted her move
+when they asked her to show her et cetera.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady of South Madagascar
+wears a bag on her head; it's to mask her.
+	A bottle of scotch
+	might loosen her crotch.
+Wait here, I'll go and I'll ask her.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Chuck is weird, let the whole world know it.
+He brought in his bucket to show it.
+	We all had a fit
+	when we saw it was shit.
+We didn't know he was planning to throw it.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+"Which partners are best? Sixty-niners.
+And better than that? Try the Shriners."
+	These are the results
+	of consenting adults,
+(and occasional like-minded minors.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady's iambic pentameter
+is thirty-two inches diameter.
+	The breadth of her scansion
+	is due to expansion
+in the pants of a critical amateur.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young fellow from Norwich
+Who liked having sex with his porridge.
+	With sugar and cream
+	and a buttery scream --
+(The leftovers went into storage.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young fellow named Jim
+who liked to get naked and swim
+	with plastic sex toys
+	shaped like pubescent boys,
+'cause he'd rather be gay than be grim.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady who jogged in the breeze
+had bosoms that flapped to her knees.
+	Said she, "They're quite warm,
+	they keep me dry in a storm,
+and when it snows, I use them for skis."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was an old voyeur named Zeke,
+who liked to hide in the closet and peek,
+	then jump out with loud cries
+	of "Aha!" and "Surprise!"
+and point out your flaws in technique.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Rick promised to gently deflower
+a maiden who lived on South Gower,
+	(The truth is, he spread
+	her legs wide on the bed,
+and finsihed her off in an hour.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+These poems have come out of my forehead.
+The subject are all fairly torrid
+	-- except for the few
+	that will make you say, "Pugh!"
+And those are the ones that are horrid.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Juanita, the subject of scandals,
+used to use unscented candles,
+	but now thinks it nice
+	to use a device
+with batteries, buzzers, and handles.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was an old prune name of Ginty
+who only ate muffins and thin tea.
+	Thinking of sex
+	gave her the blecchs,
+and left her all dried up and squinty.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+I have written some limericks quite fateful,
+malicious and vicious and hateful;
+	but I've torn up the jokes
+	that would sicken most folks,
+and humanity ought ot be grateful;
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed:
+Where others were two'd he was three'd
+	and when they unmasked it,
+	(three balls in his basket),
+he was voted "Most Likely to Breed."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A maiden who had a third breast
+always kept her hand close to her chest,
+	and I promised her well
+	that I never woudl tell.
+(Write me privately. Name on request.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Skydiver Daniel McDopp
+used to masturbate right from the top.
+	Whenever he fell,
+	he jerked off like hell.
+He was good to the very last drop.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A necrophile name of Ned Schultz,
+often brags of his deed and exults,
+	"Tis legal, it's said,
+	to make love to the dead,
+if performed by consenting adults."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Have you ever met Jamie McBeezis?
+He does any damn thing that he pleases.
+	Says Jamie, undaunted,
+	"If you've got it,then flaunt it!"
+But he's referring to social diseases.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There once was a nearsighted gynie
+whose glasses were sparkly and shiny;
+	but they stayed in the drawer
+	while he worked on a whore
+and tied up the tubes of her hiney.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A shepherd named Jimmie Fitzhugh,
+said to his sweetheart, "It's true.
+	Nothing is moister
+	than a fresh oister,
+unless, of course, it is ewe."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There's a reason why Barton is queer.
+When you meet him, the reason is clear.
+	A goddess named Venus
+	gave him a penis,
+but Mother Nature filled up his brassiere.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Then there was Benjamin Bright,
+a contestant on "What's My Delight?"
+	They guesses at his habits
+	with little white rabbits,
+but were stumped by his mouse and his kite.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young man from St. Lutz,
+who had a remarkable putz.
+	It would sniff, it would hunt,
+	for it only liked cunt.
+Absolutely no lips, hands, or butts.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Sally's sex life was carefully planned.
+Said she, "I prefer to be manned.
+	Things that are anal,
+	are always so banal,
+but things that expand are just grand."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Sally-Jo was exceedingly vexed,
+when they said she was quite oversexed.
+	She said, "That's not true,
+	I just like to screw,
+Now, please take a number. Who's next?"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Sally sued for support; she was claimin'
+Phil had fathered her baby (named Damon).
+	She said, "I ought to know."
+	as she pointed below.
+"'Cause this is the box that he came in."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+We will need a computer to tally
+all the cowboys who scouted our Sally.
+	There were some on her mountains
+	and some on her fountains,
+and quite a few down in the valley.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady who overly lusted
+was frequently opened and thrusted.
+	When the baby came due
+	it was female too,
+and its hymen was already busted.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+When writing these verses of mine,
+I start with a clever last line,
+	then work backward from there,
+	toward the opening pair,
+with the hope it'll all work out fine.*
+
+*only sometimes it doesn't.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There once was a whore from St. Paul,
+who took anyone, wide, short, or tall.
+	She said to her clients,
+	"It's not really science --
+it's just that one size will fit all!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young fellow named Forrest
+whose cornhole was one of the sorest.
+	Said he, "I don't mind
+	a regular grind
+-- but I do wish my ass were clitorised."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+When Shakespeare awakes with a scream
+and his member a-drippin' with cream,
+	'tis just the commission
+	of nocturnal emission,
+which he dubs, "A Mid-Slumber Night-Stream."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+Sally-Jo taught erotic correction.
+She told her student to get an erection.
+	"Put your dick in my mouth.
+	Move it north, move it south --
+Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
+
+Her instructions were very explicit,
+and more than a little illicit:
+	"Please fill up my cunny
+	with fresh clover honey,
+and butter my buns like a biscuit."
+
+"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
+and I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
+	I'll put on some feathers,
+	and laces and leathers,
+and wiggle my ass while you spank it."
+
+"Now that your fingers are stinky,
+tie me up in some chains that are clinky.
+	Bring in goats and a sheik,
+	give my titties a tweak
+--and _now_, we can start getting kinky!"
+
+"Forget what the chain and the whip meant.
+Just get the straps and the slings and a shipment
+	of high-grade Vaseline,
+	and a strong trampoline,
+and allof the other equipment!"
+
+"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a-drummin',
+that's when I'll start in a-hummin',
+	then quickly, my dear,
+	put it into my ear,
+so I'll hear the sound of it comin'!"
+
+"I don't know how much this is costing,"
+said her student, still covered with frosting.
+	"But I can say with affinity
+	that I've lost my virginity.
+Quite frankly, my dear, you're _exhausting_!"
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a mad pilot named Lizzy,
+whose manners were said to be skizzy.
+	She could loop, she could twirl,
+	she could make your head whirl.
+She left all her men fucking dizzy.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked
+whenever a lady's unfrocked.
+	Tho' his spirit is willin,
+	when a pussy needs fillin',
+he's a man who goes off half-cocked.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A lady whose name is Tirelli
+has tits made of dynamite jelli.
+	If you take on this dare,
+	you must fondle with care.
+(The detonator's south of her belli.)
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+The fame of our Mame was her tushy,
+and the front of her cunt. (It was bushy.)
+	But I heard that her Mike
+	preferred for his spike
+the place in her face that was skwooshy.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A whore with a face like a hound
+complained that her sales were down,
+	till a lover named Michael
+	bought her a cycle,
+and she peddled it all over town.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+There was a young man named Levine
+who said to his lady, inclined,
+	"Thanks for the spasm,
+	it felt like orgasm;
+as a matter of fact, 'twas divine."
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%
+A king who was mad at the time,
+decreed limerick writing a crime.
+	but late in the night
+	all the poets woudl write
+verses without any rhyme or meter.
+
+From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
+rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
+%