This is a massive cleanup of the fortune files, including removal

of many duplicates, formatting/whitespace fixes, spelling fixes,
and a host of others. Note: No fortunes were intentionally removed
(other than duplicates) as part of this cleanup. In removing dupes
I tried to be generous in not removing similarly worded fortunes
that had even slightly different punch lines.

Duplicates were resolved as follows (in this order):
* + limerick		-> limerick
* + fortunes-o.real	-> fortunes-o.real
* + fortunes2-o		-> fortunes2-o
* + zippy		-> zippy
murphy + fortunes	-> fortunes

In correcting spelling I've tried to leave colloquial variations
(especially British'isms) intact, as well as to not "correct"
errors that are part of the joke.

In fortunes and fortunes2-o I combined a couple of fortunes that
were adjacent to each other that seemed like they should have
originally been combined, and split a couple that seemed like they
should have originally been split.

Miscellaneous:
1. Fixed underlining
2. Capitalized proper names
3. Removed quotation marks from "freestanding" quotes for consistency
4. Added quotation marks to QOTD fortunes that needed them
5. Corrected or added many attributions
6. Removed apostrophes from trailing 's' that are plural, not possessive
7. Updated the path to fortune stuff included in some of the jokes
8. Updated several fortunes to their original version, and added attribution
9. Split up compound words that ispell tripped over

9 files changed, 2049 insertions, 5273 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
index 307113f..53510b0 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes
@@ -1,6 +1,5 @@
 This fortune brought to you by:
 $FreeBSD$
-
 %
 =======================================================================
 ||								     ||
@@ -22,24 +21,6 @@ $FreeBSD$
 	In 70mm and Dolby Stereo at selected theaters and terminal
 		centers.
 %
-						PLAYGIRL, Inc.
-						Philadelphia, Pa.  19369
-Dear Sir:
-	Your name has been submitted to us with your photo.  I regret to
-inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.  On
-a scale of one to ten, your body was rated a minus two by a panel of women
-ranging in age from 60 to 75 years.  We tried to assemble a panel in the
-age bracket of 25 to 35 years, but we could not get them to stop laughing
-long enough to reach a decision.  Should the taste of the American woman
-ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appropriate
-in our magazine, you will be notified by this office.  Please, don't call
-us.
-	Sympathetically,
-	Amanda L. Smith
-
-p.s.	We also want to commend you for your unusual pose.  Were you
-	wounded in the war, or do you ride your bike a lot?
-%
 				FROM THE DESK OF
 				Dorothy Gale
 
@@ -273,7 +254,7 @@ indirectly, for example, salt miners and rustproofers.  Most important,
 salting reduces the life spans of cars, thus stimulating the car and
 steel industries.
 %
-		        Has your family tried 'em?
+			Has your family tried 'em?
 
 			   POWDERMILK BISCUITS
 
@@ -289,7 +270,7 @@ steel industries.
 		     stains that indicate freshness.
 %
 		      THE STORY OF CREATION
-			       or
+				or
 			 THE MYTH OF URK
 
 In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and null,
@@ -379,24 +360,6 @@ OR'd together, outta sight!
 
 		-- (C) 1978 by Guy L. Steele, Jr.
 %
-		Gimmie That Old Time Religion
-We will follow Zarathustra,		We will worship like the Druids,
-Zarathustra like we use to,		Dancing naked in the woods,
-I'm a Zarathustra booster,		Drinking strange fermented fluids,
-And he's good enough for me!		And it's good enough for me!
-	(chorus)				(chorus)
-
-In the church of Aphrodite,
-The priestess wears a see-through nightie,
-She's a mighty righteous sightie,
-And she's good enough for me!
-	(chorus)
-
-CHORUS:	Give me that old time religion,
-	Give me that old time religion,
-	Give me that old time religion,
-	'Cause it's good enough for me!
-%
 		Hard Copies and Chmod
 
 And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
@@ -457,7 +420,7 @@ Beware the infiniteloop
 3.	If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
 4.	Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
 		to psychological problems.
-5.	Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.   Learn to recognize
+5.	Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.  Learn to recognize
 		foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
 		shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
 6.	Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze, internal organs
@@ -490,17 +453,6 @@ Unix means.  Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come home
 a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
 		-- "InfoWorld", June, 1984
 %
-		The Split-Atom Blues
-Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
-	Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline...
-But if you split those atoms fine,
-	Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine!
-Gimme zits, take my dough,
-	Gimme arsenic in my jelly roll...
-Call the devil and sell my soul,
-	But Mama keep dem atoms whole!
-		-- Milo Bloom
-%
 		The STAR WARS Song
 	Sung to the tune of "Lola", by the Kinks:
 
@@ -803,24 +755,6 @@ commented, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
 	A farm in the country side had several turkeys, it was known as the
 house of seven gobbles.
 %
-	A farmer decides that his three sows should be bred, and contacts a
-buddy down the road, who owns several boars.  They agree on a stud fee, and
-the farmer puts the sows in his pickup and takes them down the road to the
-boars.  He leaves them all day, and when he picks them up that night, asks
-the man how he can tell if it "took" or not.  The breeder replies that if,
-the next morning, the sows were grazing on grass, they were pregnant, but if
-they were rolling in the mud as usual, they probably weren't.
-	Comes the morn, the sows are rolling in the mud as usual, so the
-farmer puts them in the truck and brings them back for a second full day of
-frolic.  This continues for a week, since each morning the sows are rolling
-in the mud.
-	Around the sixth day, the farmer wakes up and tells his wife, "I
-don't have the heart to look again.  This is getting ridiculous.  You check
-today."  With that, the wife peeks out the bedroom window and starts to laugh.
-	"What is it?" asks the farmer excitedly.  "Are they grazing at last?"
-	"Nope." replies his wife.  "Two of them are jumping up and down in
-the back of your truck, and the other one is honking the horn!"
-%
 	A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for
 her birthday.  An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her
 looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen.  "My pup," she murmured
@@ -867,13 +801,6 @@ How's Mom?"
 	His brother is silent a moment.  "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
 outside one day..."
 %
-	A guy walks into a pub and asks: "Does anyone here own a Doberman?
-I feel really bad about this, but my Chihuahua just killed it."
-	A man leaps to his feet and replies, "Yes, I do, but how can that
-be?  I raised that dog from a pup to be a vicious killer."
-	"Yes, well, that's all well and good," replied the first, "but my
-dog's stuck in its throat."
-%
 	A hard-luck actor who appeared in one colossal disaster after another
 finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact.  Someone pointed out that it's
 the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
@@ -972,16 +899,6 @@ won't always be true.  And boy scouts will do anything for a Swiss Army knife!"
 during a raid at the home of a mobster, excusing himself by claiming that he
 was making a bolt for the door.
 %
-	A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a
-terrible problem, Doctor.  I have a son at Harvard and another son at
-Princeton; I've just gifted each of them with a new Ferrari; I've got
-homes in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach, and a co-op in New York; and I've
-got a thriving ranch in Venezuela.  My wife is a gorgeous young actress
-who considers my two mistresses to be her best friends."
-	The psychiatrist looked at the patient, confused.  "Did I miss
-something?  It sounds to me like you have no problems at all."
-	"But, Doctor, I only make $175 a week."
-%
 	A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
 "Do you serve lawyers here?".
 	"Sure do," replied the bartender.
@@ -1082,7 +999,7 @@ today's minute attention span.
 Once upon a time, there was an aardvark whose only pleasure in life was
 driving from his suburban bungalow to his job at a large brokerage house
 in his brand new 4x4.  He hated his manipulative boss, his conniving and
-unethical co-workers, his greedy wife, and his snivelling, spoiled
+unethical co-workers, his greedy wife, and his sniveling, spoiled
 children.  One day, the aardvark reflected on the meaning of his life and
 his career and on the unchecked, catastrophic decline of his nation, its
 pathetic excuse for leadership, and the complete ineffectiveness of any
@@ -1296,7 +1213,7 @@ under the kilt, everything's in perfect workin' order!"
 %
 	A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day and as I read it,
 realization of a basic truth came over me.  So simple!  So obvious we couldn't
-see it.  John Knivlen, Chairman of Polamar Repeater Club, an amateur radio
+see it.  John Knivlen, Chairman of Palomar Repeater Club, an amateur radio
 group, had discovered how IC circuits work.  He says that smoke is the thing
 that makes ICs work because every time you let the smoke out of an IC circuit,
 it stops working.  He claims to have verified this with thorough testing.
@@ -1328,20 +1245,6 @@ Tom.  "Fred can portray Sancho Panza, and Cecil B. De Mille."
 %
 	A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers, it was clearly platoonic.
 %
-	A woman was married to a golfer.  One day she asked, "If I were
-to die, would you remarry?"
-	After some thought, the man replied, "Yes, I've been very happy in
-this marriage and I would want to be this happy again."
-	The wife asked, "Would you give your new wife my car?"
-	"Yes," he replied.  "That's a good car and it runs well."
-	"Well, would you live in this house?"
-	"Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
-I've always loved it here."
-	"Well, would you give her my golf clubs?"
-	"No."
-	"Why not?"
-	"She's left handed."
-%
 	A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened
 to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.  After seeing the
 sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
@@ -1496,7 +1399,7 @@ wife. They approve.
 	The Japanese astronaut says, "I've always wanted to learn Latin.  I
 want 100 lbs. of textbooks."  The NASA board approves.  The Russian astronaut
 thinks for a second and says, "Two years...  all right, I want 150 pounds of
-the best Cuban cigars ever made."   Again, NASA okays it.
+the best Cuban cigars ever made."  Again, NASA okays it.
 	Two years later, the shuttle lands and everyone is gathered outside
 to welcome back the astronauts.  Well, it's obvious what the American's been
 up to, he and his wife are each holding an infant.  The crowd cheers.  The
@@ -1592,22 +1495,6 @@ I have not been enlightened.  What should I do?"
 	Otis replied, "Give up suffering."
 		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
 %
-	And St. Attila raised the hand grenade up on high saying "O Lord
-bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies
-to tiny bits, in thy mercy" and the Lord did grin and the people did feast
-upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orang-utangs and
-breakfast cereals and fruit bats and...
-	(skip a bit brother...)
-	Er ... oh, yes ... and the Lord spake, saying "First shalt thou
-take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
-Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the count
-shall be three.  Four shalt thou not count neither count thou two, excepting
-that thou then proceed to three.  Five is right out.  Once the number
-three, being the third number, be reached then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand
-Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naught in my sight, shall
-snuff it.
-		-- Monty Python, "The Book of Armaments"
-%
 	"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
 asked the father of his little son.
 	"Diet."
@@ -1621,7 +1508,7 @@ posh hotel.
 a postcard?"
 %
 	"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
-	"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nightime."
+	"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
 	"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
 	"That was the curious incident."
 		-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"
@@ -1665,7 +1552,7 @@ under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.
 Attempting to stop MySQL by buying companies around it is like trying
 to kill a dolphin by drinking the ocean.
 
-                -- Mårten Mickos
+		-- Mårten Mickos
 %
 	Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
 	took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of
@@ -1802,14 +1689,6 @@ CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
 	Nov 9		Korean War Amputees
 	Nov 15		VA Hospital Polio Patients
 %
-	"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
-be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"
-%
-	"Darling," she whispered, "will you still love me after we are
-married?"
-	He considered this for a moment and then replied, "I think so.
-I've always been especially fond of married women."
-%
 	Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
 	Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
 	Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
@@ -1826,7 +1705,7 @@ white electric blanket?  I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.
 
 Thanks, Kathy.  (front desk, x17)
 
-p.s.	Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
+p.s.	Also, anyone ever used Noxzema on friction burns?
 	Or is Vaseline better?
 %
 	"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
@@ -2000,7 +1879,7 @@ such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese."
 and posed the question, "What name would be given to that group?"  The four
 fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities...
 	At last, one spoke: "How about 'a Jam of Tarts'?"  The others nodded
-in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem.  A second
+in acknowledgment as they continued to consider the problem.  A second
 professor spoke: "I'd suggest 'an Essay of Trollops.'"  Again, the others
 nodded.  A third spoke: "I propose 'a Flourish of Strumpets.'"
 	They continued their walk in silence, until the first professor
@@ -2010,16 +1889,22 @@ thoughts?"
 	Replied the fourth professor, "'An Anthology of Prose.'"
 %
 	Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance.
-"What happened?"  "I was struck by the beauty of the place."
-	A pushy romeo asked a gorgeous elevator operator, "Don't all these
-stops and starts get you pretty worn out?"  "It isn't the stops and starts
-that get on my nerves, it's the jerks."
+"What happened?"
+	"I was struck by the beauty of the place."
+%
+	A pushy romeo asked a gorgeous elevator operator, "Don't all
+these stops and starts get you pretty worn out?"
+	"It isn't the stops and starts that get on my nerves, it's the
+jerks."
+%
 	An airplane pilot got engaged to two very pretty women at the same
 time.  One was named Edith; the other named Kate.  They met, discovered they
 had the same fiancee, and told him.  "Get out of our lives you rascal.  We'll
 teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."
+%
 	A domineering man married a mere wisp of a girl.  He came back from
 his honeymoon a chastened man.  He'd become aware of the will of the wisp.
+%
 	A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a
 little pebble on the beach.  The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to
 save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
@@ -2144,7 +2029,7 @@ hope in it.  Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
 found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
 the gun on himself!"
 	"Terrible," said Harry.  "But it could have been worse."
-	"How in hell," demanded his dumfounded friend, "could it possibly
+	"How in hell," demanded his dumbfounded friend, "could it possibly
 have been worse?"
 	"Well," said Harry, "if it had happened the night before, I'd be
 dead right now."
@@ -2170,7 +2055,7 @@ self-propagating.
 	He who receives ideas from me, receives instruction himself without
 lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine receives light
 without darkening me.
-	-- Thomas Jefferson on patents on ideas.
+	-- Thomas Jefferson on patents on ideas
 %
 	"Heard you were moving your piano, so I came over to help."
 	"Thanks.  Got it upstairs already."
@@ -2179,33 +2064,6 @@ without darkening me.
 	"How would that help?"
 	"Used a whip."
 %
-	"Hello, Mrs. Premise!"
-	"Oh, hello, Mrs. Conclusion!  Busy day?"
-	"Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat."
-	"Four hours to bury a cat!?"
-	"Yes, he wouldn't keep still: wrigglin' about, 'owlin'..."
-	"Oh, it's not dead then."
-	"Oh no, no, but it's not at all a well cat, and as we're
-goin' away for a fortnight I thought I'd better bury it just to be
-on the safe side."
-	"Quite right.  You don't want to come back from Sorrento
-to a dead cat, do you?"
-		-- Monty Python
-%
-	Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled
-with the issue of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John
-Paul Stevens came up with the famous quotation about how he couldn't
-define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it.  So for a while, the
-court's policy was to have all the suspected pornography trucked to
-Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over.  "Nope, this isn't
-it," he'd say.  "Bring some more."  This went on until one morning when
-his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under an
-enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a
-ruling stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except
-that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
-it because the court was going to take a nap.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
 	Home centers are designed for the do-it-yourselfer who's
 willing to pay higher prices for the convenience of being able to shop
 for lumber, hardware, and toasters all in one location.  Notice I say
@@ -2226,7 +2084,7 @@ these sometime around the middle of next week".
 	"How did you spend the weekend?" asked the pretty brunette secretary
 of her blonde companion.
 	"Fishing through the ice," she replied.
-	"Fishing through the ice?   Whatever for?"
+	"Fishing through the ice?  Whatever for?"
 	"Olives."
 %
 	"How many people work here?"
@@ -2326,7 +2184,7 @@ each other up:
      You: Hello?  Bob?
      Bob: Yes?
      You: This is Ed.  Remember?  The person whose parking space you
-          took last Thursday?  Outside of Sears?
+	  took last Thursday?  Outside of Sears?
      Bob: Oh yes!  Sure!  How are you, Ed?
      You: Fine, thanks.  Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is:
 	  "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..."  No, wait.
@@ -2387,7 +2245,7 @@ operation - namely, to remove those irritant bodies."
 	I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradictions to the sentiments
 of others, and all positive assertion of my own.  I even forbade myself the use
 of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion, such
-as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc.   I adopted instead of them "I conceive",
+as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc.  I adopted instead of them "I conceive",
 "I apprehend", or "I imagine" a thing to be so or so; or "so it appears to me
 at present".
 	When another asserted something that I thought an error, I denied
@@ -2455,12 +2313,6 @@ otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be
 otherwise.'"
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
 %
-	I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said,
-"What'll you have, Bud"?
-	I said," I don't know, surprise me".
-	So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.
-		-- Rodney Dangerfield
-%
 	If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
 	On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick,
 that is also a psychological interaction.
@@ -2538,7 +2390,7 @@ I'm on my way."
 %
 	I'm sure that VMS is completely documented, I just haven't found the
 right manual yet.  I've been working my way through the manuals in the document
-library and I'm half way through the second cabnet, (3 shelves to go), so I
+library and I'm half way through the second cabinet, (3 shelves to go), so I
 should find what I'm looking for by mid May.  I hope I can remember what it
 was by the time I find it.
 	I had this idea for a new horror film, "VMS Manuals from Hell" or maybe
@@ -2621,7 +2473,7 @@ until one night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox.
 	The following morning saw only rubble where there once was a huge
 structure reaching to the heavens.  One by one, the Mathematicians climbed
 out from under the rubble.  It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when
-they began to speak to one another, SUPRISE of all suprises! they could not
+they began to speak to one another, SURPRISE of all surprises! they could not
 understand each other.  They all spoke different languages.  They all fought
 amongst themselves and each went about their own way.  To this day the
 Topologists remain the original Mathematicians.
@@ -2650,7 +2502,7 @@ you close your eyes?"
 	In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish.  It
 changes into a bird whose wings are like clouds filling the sky.  When this
 bird moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters.
-This message it drops into the midst of the program mers, like a seagull
+This message it drops into the midst of the programmers, like a seagull
 making its mark upon the beach.  Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with
 the blue sky at its back, returns home.
 	The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he understands
@@ -2659,27 +2511,6 @@ its message.  The master programmer continues to work at his terminal, for he
 does not know that the bird has come and gone.
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	In the morning, laughing, happy fish heads
-	In the evening, floating in the soup.
-(chorus):
-Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads;
-Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
-	You can ask them anything you want to.
-	They won't answer; they can't talk.
-(chorus):
-	I took a fish head out to see a movie,
-	Didn't have to pay to get it in.
-(chorus):
-	They can't play baseball; they don't wear sweaters;
-	They aren't good dancers; they can't play drums.
-(chorus):
-	Roly-poly fish heads are NEVER seen drinking cappucino in
-	Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
-(chorus):
-	Fishy!
-(chorus):
-		-- Fish Heads
-%
 	"In this replacement Earth we're building they've given me Africa
 to do and of course I'm doing it with all fjords again because I happen to
 like them, and I'm old-fashioned enough to think that they give a lovely
@@ -2693,18 +2524,6 @@ right any day."
 life-style otherwise."
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-	In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially
-announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency.  During His press conference
-today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have
-a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together
-in time.  I'd like to get this country turned around; I mean REALLY turned
-around!  Let's put Florida up north for awhile, and let's get rid of all
-those annoying mountains and rivers.  I never could stand them!"
-	There apparently is still some controversy over the Almighty's
-citizenship and other qualifications for the Presidency.  God replied to
-these charges by saying, "Come on, would the United States have anyone other
-than a citizen bless their country?"
-%
 	Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care
 what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you
 may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.  Conversely, if
@@ -2774,7 +2593,7 @@ religion.  They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
 %
 	It seems there's this magician working one of the luxury cruise ships
 for a few years.  He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences
-change over fairly often, and he's got a good life.   The only problem is the
+change over fairly often, and he's got a good life.  The only problem is the
 ship's parrot, who perches in the hall and watches him night after night, year
 after year.  Finally, the parrot figures out how almost every trick works and
 starts giving it away for the audience.  For example, when the magician makes
@@ -2883,28 +2702,6 @@ back, every time, into a dying hunk of smelly meat!  But We can live
 forever, in a clean, honest, purified, Electroworld.
 		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
 %
-	Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL
-character named Jack.  Jack and his relations were poor.  Often their
-hash table was bare.  One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
-are sparse.  You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
-BASICs."  She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
-to him.
-	So Jack set out.  But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
-he met the traveling salesman.
-	"Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman
-in high-level language.
-	"I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips
-and Apples," commented Jack.
-	"I have a much better algorithm.  You needn't join a queue
-there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
-	Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house.  But when
-he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she
-started thrashing.
-	"Don't you even have any artificial intelligence?  All these
-kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the
-window...
-		-- Mark Isaak, "Jack and the Beanstack"
-%
 	Looking for a cool one after a long, dusty ride, the drifter strode
 into the saloon.  As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
 galloped through town screaming, "Big Mike's comin'!  Run fer yer lives!"
@@ -2974,7 +2771,7 @@ spits in the sergeants face.
 	"Murray!"  Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
-	My friends, I am here to tell you of the wonderous continent known as
+	My friends, I am here to tell you of the wondrous continent known as
 Africa.  Well we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 31.
 We were 15 days on the water, and 3 on the boat when we finally arrived in
 Africa.  Upon our arrival we immediately set up a rigorous schedule:  Up at
@@ -2989,7 +2786,7 @@ weren't looking for a water hole.  They were looking for an alck hole.
 	One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, how he got in my
 pajamas, I don't know.  Then we tried to remove the tusks.  That's a tough
 word to say, tusks.  As I said we tried to remove the tusks, but they were
-imbedded so firmly we couldn't get them out.  But in Alabama the Tusks are
+embedded so firmly we couldn't get them out.  But in Alabama the Tusks are
 looser, but that is totally irrelephant to what I was saying.
 	We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.
 So we're going back in a few years...
@@ -3016,23 +2813,6 @@ a girl should not do before twenty."
 	"Your mother is right," said the executive, "I don't like a large
 audience, either."
 %
-	Never ask your lover if he'd dive in front of an oncoming train for
-you.  He doesn't know.  Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an
-oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you.  She doesn't know.  Never ask how many
-cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal commitment.
-	Never ask to see pictures of your lover's former lovers -- especially
-the ones who dived in front of trains.  If you look like one of them, you are
-repeating history's mistakes.  If you don't, you'll wonder what he or she saw
-in the others.
-	While we are on the subject of pictures: You may admire the picture
-of your lover cavorting naked in a tidal pool on Maui.  Don't ask who took
-it.  The answer is obvious.  A Japanese tourist took the picture.
-	Never ask if your lover has had therapy.  Only people who have had
-therapy ask if people have had therapy.
-	Don't ask about plaster casts of male sex organs marked JIMI, JIM, etc.
-Assume that she bought them at a flea market.
-		-- James Peterson and Kate Nolan
-%
 	NEW YORK-- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
 directors unanimously rejected the $11 billion takeover bid by Philip
 Morris and Co. A Kraft spokesman stated in a press conference that the
@@ -3143,19 +2923,6 @@ wreckage.  "Why don't you look where the hell you're going!"
 dusted himself off.  "And why don't you just wear a wristwatch like a
 normal person?"
 %
-	On the occasion of Nero's 25th birthday, he arrived at the Colosseum
-to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
-There stood 25 naked virgins, like candles on a cake, tied to poles, burning
-alive.  "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
-dead yet.  I can see her lips moving.  Go quickly and find out what she is
-saying."
-	The centurion saluted, and hurried out to the virgin, getting as near
-the flames as he dared, and listened intently.  Then he turned and ran back
-to the imperial box.  "She is not talking," he reported to Nero, "she is
-singing."
-	"Singing?" said the astounded emperor.  "Singing what?"
-	"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
-%
 	On the other hand, the TCP camp also has a phrase for OSI people.
 There are lots of phrases.  My favorite is `nitwit' -- and the rationale
 is the Internet philosophy has always been you have extremely bright,
@@ -3190,7 +2957,7 @@ and it was very juicy.  I stood up and took aim, and went into the windup,
 when my mother at the kitchen window called my name in a sharp voice.  I had
 to decide quickly.  I decided.
 	A rotten Big Boy hitting the target is a memorable sound, like a fat
-man doing a belly-flop.  With a whoop and a yell the tomatoee came after
+man doing a belly-flop.  With a whoop and a yell the tomatoe came after
 faster than I knew she could run, and grabbed my shirt and was about to brain
 me when Mother called her name in a sharp voice.  And my sister, who was a
 good person, obeyed and let go -- and burst into tears.  I guess she knew that
@@ -3536,13 +3303,6 @@ eyes for a moment and then log off."
 	Price Wang said, "Would that all of my programmers were as wise!"
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-	"Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
-Candy
-Is dandy
-But liquor
-Is quicker.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 	"Reintegration complete," ZORAC advised.  "We're back in the
 universe again..."  An unusually long pause followed, "...but I don't
 know which part.  We seem to have changed our position in space."  A
@@ -3569,7 +3329,8 @@ maybe a kink in whatever blood vessel leads into the pineal gland...  On
 the other hand, it might be something as simple & basically perverse as
 whatever instinct it is that causes a jackrabbit to wait until the last
 possible second to dart across the road in front of a speeding car.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail"
+		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing:
+		   On the Campaign Trail"
 %
 	"Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing
 what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt
@@ -3629,7 +3390,7 @@ them.  The thought of an elephant fills me with loathing."
 Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it.
 That way you'll get it out of your system."
 	Sam immediately made arrangements for a safari hunt in Africa,
-inviting his best friend to join him.   They arrived in Nairobi and lost no
+inviting his best friend to join him.  They arrived in Nairobi and lost no
 time getting out on the jungle trails.  After they had been hunting for
 several days, Sam's best friend grabbed him by the arm one morning and
 yelled at him:
@@ -3640,7 +3401,7 @@ Be sure you don't jerk the trigger!  Wait SAM!  Don't let him see you!  Aim
 at his head!"
 	Sam whirled around, took aim, and killed his friend.  He was put in
 prison and his psychiatrist flew to Africa to visit him.  "I sent you over
-here to kill and elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
+here to kill an elephant and instead you shoot your best friend," the
 psychiatrist said.  "Why?"
 	"Well," Sam replied, "there's only one thing in the world that I
 hate more than elephants and that is a loudmouth know-it-all!"
@@ -3856,24 +3617,6 @@ tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.  Learning
 is the only thing for you.  Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
 		-- T. H. White, "The Once and Future King"
 %
-	The big problem with pornography is defining it.  You can't just
-say it's pictures of people naked.  For example, you have these
-primitive African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot,
-and they have to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal
-saying goes: "N'wam k'honi soit qui mali," which means, "If you think
-you can catch a wildebeest in this climate and wear clothes at the same
-time, then I have some beach front property in the desert region of
-Northern Mali that you may be interested in."
-	So it's not considered pornographic when National Geographic
-publishes color photographs of these people hunting the wildebeest
-naked, or pounding one rock onto another rock for some primitive reason
-naked, or whatever.  But if National Geographic were to publish an
-article entitled "The Girls of the California Junior College System
-Hunt the Wildebeest Naked," some people would call it pornography.  But
-others would not.  And still others, such as the Spectacularly Rev.
-Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing the wildebeest naked.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
 	The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time
 for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
 	It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners
@@ -3891,21 +3634,6 @@ laughed uproariously.  "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you
 got a sense of humor?"
 	"I don't have to laugh," she said.  "I'm leaving Friday anyway.
 %
-	The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
-"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle
-in his hand.  But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
-	"Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
-but not much good in a fight."
-%
-	The devout Jew was beside himself because his son had been dating
-a shiksa, so he went to visit his rabbi.  The rabbi listened solemnly to
-his problem, took his hand, and said, "Pray to God."
-	So the Jew went to the synagogue, bowed his head, and prayed, "God,
-please help me.  My son, my favorite son, he's going to marry a shiksa, he
-sees nothing but goyim..."
-	"Your son," boomed down this voice from the heavens, "you think
-you got problems.  What about my son?"
-%
 	The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough
 physical examination.  "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said,
 "is give up drinking, give up smoking, get to bed early and stay away
@@ -3958,14 +3686,8 @@ Plumage:
 	Both managers and staff wear running shoes to work, and a black
 	plastic digital watch with calculator.
 %
-	The foreman of a lumber camp put a new workman on the circular saw.
-As he turned away, he heard the man say, "Ouch!".
-	"What happened?"
-	"Dunno," replied the man.  "I just stuck out my hand like this, and
--- well, I'll be damned.  There goes another one!"
-%
 	The General disliked trying to explain the highly technical
-innerworkings of the U.S. Air Force.
+inner workings of the U.S. Air Force.
 	"$7,662 for a ten cup coffee maker, General?" the Senator asked.
 	In his head he ran through his standard explanations.  "It's not so,"
 he thought.  "It's a deterrent."  Soon he came up with, "It's computerized,
@@ -4022,7 +3744,7 @@ win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be
 reckoned with.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
-	The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
+	The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
 the subject of towels.
 	A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an
 interstellar hitchhiker can have.  Partly it has great practical value.
@@ -4206,16 +3928,6 @@ grow up with you, and if you're successful and you try hard enough, you're
 bound to come out on top, just like these boys have come to the top now.
 		-- Babe Ruth, in his 1948 farewell speech at Yankee Stadium
 %
-	The people of Halifax invented the trampoline.  During the
-Victorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a
-large wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress'
-it.  The tripoline, as they called it, degenerated into becoming the
-apparatus for a spectator sport.
-
-	The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for
-castrating pigs during Sunday service.
-		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
-%
 	The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
 I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
 	A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
@@ -4309,7 +4021,7 @@ his ticket at home.  Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went
 to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat.  After an hour's
 wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey,
 Dave!"  The Aggie looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner
-of the voice -- with no success.   Then he realized he had lost his place in
+of the voice -- with no success.  Then he realized he had lost his place in
 line and had to wait all over again.  When the fan finally bought his ticket,
 he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink.  The line at the concession stand
 was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait.  Just as
@@ -4317,27 +4029,9 @@ he got to the window, a voice called out, "Hey, Dave!"  Again the Aggie tried
 to find the voice -- but no luck.  He was very upset as he got back in line
 for his drink.  Finally the fan went to his seat, eager for the game to begin.
 As he waited for the pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey Dave!" once more.
-Furious, he stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs,  "My name is not
+Furious, he stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name is not
 Dave!"
 %
-	Them Toad Suckers
-
-How 'bout them toad suckers, ain't they clods?
-Sittin' there suckin' them green toady frogs!
-
-Suckin' them hop toads, suckin' them chunkers,
-Suckin' them a leapy type, suckin' them flunkers.
-
-Look at them toad suckers, ain't they snappy?
-Suckin' them bog frogs sure make's 'em happy!
-
-Them hugger mugger toad suckers, way down south,
-Stickin' them sucky toads in they mouth!
-
-How to be a toad sucker, no way to duck it,
-Get yourself a toad, rear back, and suck it!
-		-- Mason Williams
-%
 	Then there's the atmosphere -- half the time you can eat the air,
 it's got so much stuff floating around in it.  It takes the edge out of
 the colors.  Down here even the traffic lights are pastel.  And people!
@@ -4393,7 +4087,7 @@ Larsen or Jenks.  But some goyisha names just about guarantee that
 every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish.  Why is
 this?
 	Who knows?  Learned rabbis have pondered this question for
-centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think ___you
+centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think _y_o_u
 can find one?  Get serious.  You don't even understand why it's
 forbidden to eat crab -- fresh cold crab with mayonnaise -- or lobster
 -- soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter.  You don't
@@ -4454,7 +4148,7 @@ you the Widow Miffin?" a small boy asked.
 	"Oh, no?" replied the little boy.  "Wait 'til you see what
 they're carrying upstairs!"
 %
-	There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
+	There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnaped
 three colleagues, an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician, and locked
 each of them in separate cells with plenty of canned food and water but no
 can opener.
@@ -4516,7 +4210,7 @@ ever raised into being for payment of any kind.  No parthenon, no Thermopylae
 was ever built or fought for pay or glory; no Bukhara sacked, or China ground
 beneath Mongol heel, for loot or power alone.  The payment for doing these
 things was itself the doing of them.
-	To wield onself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and
+	To wield oneself -- to use oneself as a tool in one's own hand -- and
 so to make or break that which no one else can build or ruin -- THAT is the
 greatest pleasure known to man!  To one who has felt the chisel in his hand
 and set free the angel prisoned in the marble block, or to one who has felt
@@ -4549,18 +4243,18 @@ your natural parents were Australian, would you want to meet them?"
 		-- "National Lampoon", September, 1984
 %
 	This is where the bloodthirsty license agreement is supposed to go,
-explaining that Interactive Easyflow is a copyrighted package licensed for
+explaining that Interactive EasyFlow is a copyrighted package licensed for
 use by a single person, and sternly warning you not to pirate copies of it
 and explaining, in detail, the gory consequences if you do.
 	We know that you are an honest person, and are not going to go around
-pirating copies of Interactive Easyflow; this is just as well with us since
+pirating copies of Interactive EasyFlow; this is just as well with us since
 we worked hard to perfect it and selling copies of it is our only method of
 making anything out of all the hard work.
 	If, on the other hand, you are one of those few people who do go
 around pirating copies of software you probably aren't going to pay much
 attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not.  Just keep your doors
 locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.
-		-- License Agreement for Interactive Easyflow
+		-- License Agreement for Interactive EasyFlow
 %
 	Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire
 rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better
@@ -4665,7 +4359,7 @@ packages, but ours is in plain English and theirs is in legalese.
 	We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all, but our
 lawyers insisted.  We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
 attack shark at which point we relented.
-		-- Haven Tree Software Limited, "Interactive EasyFlow"
+		-- HavenTree Software Limited, "Interactive EasyFlow"
 %
 	"We friends, yes?"  The shoe shine boy put on his hustling smile
 and looked into the Sailor's dead, cold, undersea eyes, eyes without a
@@ -4744,7 +4438,7 @@ let him lie there all night."
 	"Don't worry about that.  They have a guard station in front of the
 White House that's open 24 hours a day.  The guards would recognize Colson...
 and by that time of course his wife would have called the cops and reported
-that a bunch of thugs had kidnapped him."
+that a bunch of thugs had kidnaped him."
 	"Wouldn't it be a little kinder if you drove about four more blocks
 and stopped at a phone box to ring the hospital and say, 'Would you mind going
 around to the front of the White House?  There's a naked man lying outside
@@ -4769,25 +4463,6 @@ an End-user of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me."
 	"It means the Thing to Do."
 	"As long as it means that, I don't mind," said End-user humbly.
 %
-	Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt
-great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway, he just felt so
-good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS THE
-MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
-	The poor, quaking, little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one
-is mightier than you."
-	A little while later the tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out:
-"WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
-	The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to
-stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
-	The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was
-quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS
-THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"
-	Well, the elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams
-him down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of
-orange and black; and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.  The
-tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and whispers: "Man, you
-don't have to get so pissed, just 'cause you don't know the answer."
-%
 	"We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation.  We
 had crisis, then we went into chaos, and now what do we call this?" said
 Nicaraguan economist Francisco Mayorga, who holds a doctorate from Yale.
@@ -4828,11 +4503,6 @@ I, B, and M.  That is as IBM compatible as I can be."
 	"I'm going to disconnect your brain."
 		-- Darryl Rubin, "A Problem in the Making", "InfoWorld"
 %
-	"What are you doing?"
-	"Examining the world's major religions.  I'm looking for something
-that's light on morals, has lots of holidays, and with a short initiation
-period."
-%
 	"What are you watching?"
 	"I don't know."
 	"Well, what's happening?"
@@ -5196,7 +4866,7 @@ INTERPRETATION OF THE BASIC DATA OBTAINED BY OBSERVATION AND EXPERIMENT
     ***
   *******
  *********
- ****** Confucious say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
+ ****** Confucius say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
   *******
     ***
 %
@@ -5218,7 +4888,7 @@ man.
    n = ((n >>  8) & 0x00ff00ff) | ((n <<  8) & 0xff00ff00);
    n = ((n >> 16) & 0x0000ffff) | ((n << 16) & 0xffff0000);
 
-		-- C code which reverses the bits in a word.
+		-- C code which reverses the bits in a word
 %
    n = (n & 0x55555555) + ((n & 0xaaaaaaaa) >> 1);
    n = (n & 0x33333333) + ((n & 0xcccccccc) >> 2);
@@ -5226,7 +4896,7 @@ man.
    n = (n & 0x00ff00ff) + ((n & 0xff00ff00) >> 8);
    n = (n & 0x0000ffff) + ((n & 0xffff0000) >> 16);
 
-		-- C code which counts the bits in a word.
+		-- C code which counts the bits in a word
 %
 ===  ALL CSH USERS PLEASE NOTE  ========================
 
@@ -5300,7 +4970,7 @@ Note that LET *could* have been defined by:
 This is believed to speed up execution by as much as a factor of 1.01 or
 3.50 depending on whether you believe our friendly marketing representatives.
 This code was written by a new programmer here (we snatched him away from
-Itty Bitti Machines where we was writting COUGHBOL code) so to give him
+Itty Bitti Machines where we was writing COUGHBOL code) so to give him
 confidence we trusted his vows of "it works pretty well" and installed it.
 %
 ===  ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE  ========================
@@ -5394,8 +5064,8 @@ III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
 	threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
 		-- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980
 %
-" ... I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
-pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!"
+I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a
+pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises!
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
  1.  I'm Not Rudolph; That's Not My Nose
@@ -5446,8 +5116,8 @@ afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
 to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
 there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
 %
-"... all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned
-products, if they are built at all, are dogs!"
+... all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned
+products, if they are built at all, are dogs!
 		-- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac",
 		   MIT Press, 1987
 %
@@ -5471,8 +5141,8 @@ astray by hunting and pecking.
 %
 ... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
 %
-"... And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
-your own."
+And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of
+your own.
 		-- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter
 		   Preposterous Words
 %
@@ -5528,11 +5198,11 @@ civilization began has seen six orders of magnitude in performance-price
 gain in 30 years.
 		-- Fred Brooks
 %
-... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *___did* quote anybody in this
+... [concerning quotation marks] even if we *_d_i_d* quote anybody in this
 business, it probably would be gibberish.
 		-- Thom McLeod
 %
-... difference of opinion is advantagious in religion.  The several sects
+... difference of opinion is advantageous in religion.  The several sects
 perform the office of a common censor morum over each other.  Is uniformity
 attainable?  Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the
 introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned;
@@ -5552,7 +5222,7 @@ Their names come to his lips and he smiles as he tastes them, thinking he
 knows them in the naming.
 		-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"
 %
-"... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."
+Gentlemen do not read each other's mail.
 		-- Secretary of State Henry Stimson, on closing down
 		   the Black Chamber, the precursor to the National
 		   Security Agency.
@@ -5561,11 +5231,6 @@ knows them in the naming.
 
 	(Haley's comment.)
 %
-" I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights
-instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is
-standing still ..."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 "... I should explain that I was wearing a black velvet cape that was
 supposed to make me look like the dashing, romantic Zorro but which
 actually made me look like a gigantic bat wearing glasses ..."
@@ -5577,9 +5242,6 @@ the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls
 asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead ...
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
-... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a
-KOSHER DELI!!
-%
 **** IMPORTANT ****  ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ****
 
 Due to a recent systems overload error your recent disk files have been
@@ -5631,8 +5293,8 @@ hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability.
 found and thy program runneth.  And he that was dead came forth...
 		-- John 11:43-44
 %
-"... like, what do they mean when they say 'feminine protection'?
-What's that?  A chartreuse flamethrower?"
+... like, what do they mean when they say 'feminine protection'?
+What's that?  A chartreuse flamethrower?
 		-- Opus
 %
 ... Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and
@@ -5646,26 +5308,13 @@ legally ... impeccable!
 	diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
 -- A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no congeries
 	of small, green bryophytic plant.
--- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escallation
+-- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escalation
 	of a lucrative nature.
 -- Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of fracturing
-	osseous structure, but appellations will eternally remain innocuous.
+	osseous structure, but appelations will eternally remain innocuous.
 %
 ** MAXIMUM TERMINALS ACTIVE.  TRY AGAIN LATER **
 %
--- Neophyte's serendipity.
--- Exclusive dedication to necessitious chores without interludes of
-	hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
--- A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no
-	congeries of small, green bryophytic plant.
--- The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the
-	optimal cachinnation.
--- Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential
-	escallation of a lucrative nature.
--- Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of
-	fracturing osseous structure, but appellations will eternally
-	remain innocuous.
-%
 *** NEWS FLASH ***
 
 Archaeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
@@ -5776,34 +5425,25 @@ discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
 %
 -- THE BATES MOTEL --
 					... convenient
-					...      clean
-					...       cozy
+					...	clean
+					...	cozy
 
 	Norman, knock loudly,
 	     I'm in the shower.
 
 		M.
 %
-"... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ..."
+... the Mayo Clinic, named after its founder, Dr. Ted Clinic ...
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
-%
 ... the privileged being which we call human is distinguished from
 other animals only by certain double-edged manifestations which in
 charity we can only call "inhuman."
 		-- R. A. Lafferty
 %
 -- The writing implement is more potent than the claymore.
--- All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
--- When there are visible vapors having the prevenience in ignited carbonaceous
-	materials, there is conflagration.
--- Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
--- A plethora of individuals wither expertise in culinary techniques vitiated
-	the potable concoction produced by steeping certain coupestibles.
 -- The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the
 	optimal cachinnation.
--- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
 %
 ... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that committee.  These guys
 have a hard time sorting out what day to meet, and whether to eat croissants
@@ -5826,7 +5466,7 @@ million hardbound copies of "The Naked Lunch."
 from beginning to end.
 		-- Vernor Vinge, "The Peace War"
 %
- U       X
+ U	X
 e dUdX, e dX, cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159...
 %
 * UNIX is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories.
@@ -5920,7 +5560,7 @@ QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
 %
 1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
 %
-1.  If it doesn't smell like chilli, it probably isn't.
+1.  If it doesn't smell like chili, it probably isn't.
 2.  If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
 3.  Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
 4.  It's bad manners to lie down inside someone else's chalk body outline.
@@ -5969,7 +5609,7 @@ Shortest distance between two jokes		= A straight line
 1 Dog Pound					= 16 oz. of Alpo
 1000 beers served at a Twins game		= 1 Killibrew
 2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League
-2000 pounds of chinese soup			= 1 Won Ton
+2000 pounds of Chinese soup			= 1 Won Ton
 10 to the minus 6th power mouthwashes		= 1 Microscope
 Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier	= 1 Machturtle
 8 Catfish					= 1 Octo-puss
@@ -6052,10 +5692,6 @@ $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
 which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
 %
-$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will
-increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing.
-		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"
-%
 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
 %
 101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
@@ -6292,17 +5928,13 @@ most delicate care that balances are correct.
 A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money.
 		-- Sen. Everett Dirksen, on the U.S. defense budget
 %
-A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
-adds up to be real money.
-		-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
-%
 A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
 A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
 A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
 A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the U.S. Treasury.
 %
 A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on
-a photo-safari in Africa.  As they're driving along the savannah in their
+a photo-safari in Africa.  As they're driving along the savanna in their
 jeep, they stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
 
 The biologist: "Look!  A herd of zebras!  And there's a white zebra!
@@ -6481,10 +6113,6 @@ to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
 %
 A child of five could understand this!  Fetch me a child of five.
 %
-A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on
-Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
-		-- Thomas Ybarra
-%
 A chronic disposition to inquiry
 deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
 %
@@ -6506,13 +6134,11 @@ and nobody wants to read.
 %
 A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
 %
-A closed mouth gathers no foot.
-%
 A cloud does not know why it moves in just such a direction and at such
 a speed, if feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now.  But the
 sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will
 know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOR FOR PATIENTS:
 
@@ -6653,7 +6279,7 @@ do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
 A CONS is an object which cares.
-		-- Bernie Greenberg.
+		-- Bernie Greenberg
 %
 A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
 		-- Elbert Hubbard
@@ -6727,12 +6353,6 @@ A "critic" is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels
 qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
 in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
 %
-A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
-And had an affair with a Saracen.
-	She was not oversexed,
-	Or jealous or vexed,
-She just wanted to make a comparison.
-%
 A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
 		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
 %
@@ -6778,9 +6398,6 @@ in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
 A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
-A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
-you will look forward to the trip.
-%
 A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember
 your birthday when you never look any older?"
 %
@@ -6953,14 +6570,14 @@ A Fortran compiler is the hobgoblin of little minis.
 A fox is wolf who sends flowers.
 		-- Ruth Weston
 %
-"A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
-dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension."
+A fractal is by definition a set for which the Hausdorff Besicovitch
+dimension strictly exceeds the topological dimension.
 		-- Mandelbrot, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature"
 %
 A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
 		-- Adlai Stevenson
 %
-A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
+A freelancer is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
 		-- Robert Benchley
 %
 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
@@ -7031,7 +6648,7 @@ A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
 %
 A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
 A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
-But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *____that ___had __to ____mean _________something*.
+But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *_t_h_a_t _h_a_d _t_o _m_e_a_n _s_o_m_e_t_h_i_n_g*.
 		-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
 %
 A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
@@ -7061,9 +6678,6 @@ penalized for the erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such
 uncontrollable physical phenomena.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
 %
-A good man always knows his limitations.
-		-- Harry Callahan
-%
 A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband.
 		-- Michel de Montaigne
 %
@@ -7100,7 +6714,7 @@ then asks the backhoe operator for directions.
 A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.  Then you
 call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone.  "Hear that?" you say.
 "That's dynamite, baby."
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to
 you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to
@@ -7131,7 +6745,7 @@ man a century.
 %
 A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head.  The
 green earflaps, full of large ears and uncut hair and the fine bristles that
-grew in the ears themselvse, stuck out on either side like turn signals
+grew in the ears themselves, stuck out on either side like turn signals
 indicating two directions at once.  Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the
 bushy black moustache and, at their corners, sank into little folds filled
 with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.  In the shadow under the green visor
@@ -7212,10 +6826,13 @@ I'm doing *great*!  How are you?"
 %
 A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
 %
-"A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book
-The Martian Chronicles?'  I said, `Yes?'  He said, `You know where you
-talk about Deimos rising in the East?'  I said, `Yes?'  He said `No.'
--- So I hit him."
+	A horrible little boy came up to me and said, "You know in your
+book The Martian Chronicles?"
+	I said, "Yes?"
+	He said, "You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the
+East?"
+	I said, "Yes?"
+	He said "No." -- So I hit him.
 		-- attributed to Ray Bradbury
 %
 A horse!  A horse!  My kingdom for a horse!
@@ -7225,7 +6842,7 @@ A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!
 %
 A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
 Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
-		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
+		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901
 %
 A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
 		-- Helen Rowland
@@ -7245,7 +6862,7 @@ E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
 G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
 I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
 K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
-M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
+M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of ennui.
 O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
 Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
 S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
@@ -7387,7 +7004,7 @@ A Law of Computer Programming:
 	Make it possible for programmers to write in English
 	and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
 %
-A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
+A liberal is a man too broad minded to take his own side in a quarrel.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
 A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.
@@ -7462,7 +7079,7 @@ Buy the negatives at any price.
 A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
 %
 A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
-		-- Steve Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking,
 and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.
@@ -7499,10 +7116,6 @@ A man can have two, maybe three love affairs while he's married.  After
 that it's cheating.
 		-- Yves Montand
 %
-A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen
-or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
-		-- Joan Rivers
-%
 A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
 		-- Du Bois
 %
@@ -7522,21 +7135,6 @@ A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles
 in the road.
 		-- Alexander Smith
 %
-A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.  The man sitting
-next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm*
-Polish."
-	He then calls out, "Ivan!  Come over here and bring your brother."
-Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room.
-	"Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl
-with you."  Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with
-the joke.
-	"Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?"
-	"Nah," says the man.
-	"Oh, no?  And why not?  I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish
-man, opening and closing his fist.  "Are you scared?"
-	"No," replies the man.  "I just don't feel like having to explain it
-five times."
-%
 A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
 		-- Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Newsweek"
 %
@@ -7570,39 +7168,6 @@ A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart,
 He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart.
 		-- Richard Thompson
 %
-A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the
-longest procession he's ever seen.  It seems to consist of the hearse,
-followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred
-other men.  After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity
-no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.
-	"Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief,
-but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen.  What happened, who is
-the funeral for?"
-	"Well, it's nothing special, really, the funeral is for the mother-
-in-law of the man at the front of the procession.  You see, his Doberman
-attacked and killed her."
-	"That's awful!", replies the onlooker.  "But... um... tell me, you
-don't think he'd let me borrow that dog, do you?"
-	"Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."
-%
-A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and
-antennae coming out of his head.  He goes up to him and says, "You're not
-from around here, are you?"
-	"No," replies the man with the antennae.
-	"You know," continues the man, "I don't think you're an American,
-either.  In fact, I bet you don't even come from this planet!"
-	"Right again," says the man with four arms.  "I'm from Mars."
-	"Well," says the man, "that's quite some configuration you've got
-there, with those four arms and those antennae and everything."
-	"We Martians all have four arms and antennae."
-	"Well, that's just amazing," replies the man, "and how about that
-big gold colored plate in the middle of your chest, what's that, do all
-Martians have that?"
-	"Well, no," says the Martian.  "Not the *goyim*."
-%
 A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be
 bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
@@ -7751,7 +7316,7 @@ A memorandum is written not to inform the reader,
 but to protect the writer.
 		-- Dean Acheson
 %
-A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start,
+A method of solution is perfect if we can foresee from the start,
 and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
 		-- Leibnitz
 %
@@ -7804,11 +7369,6 @@ A modest woman, dressed out in all her finery,
 is the most tremendous object in the whole creation.
 		-- Goldsmith
 %
-A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good
-many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and
-the police.
-		-- Mr. Dooley
-%
 A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen
 floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for
 its species, managed to trap them in a corner.  The children cowered,
@@ -7864,12 +7424,6 @@ same speed as he was going towards the ground.  As they passed each other at
 	The reply came, fading towards the end, "NO!  DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
 ABOUT COLEMAN STOVES?"
 %
-A new dramatist of the absurd
-Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
-	I learn from my spies
-	He's about to devise
-An unprintable three-letter word.
-%
 A new koan:
 	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
 	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
@@ -7931,17 +7485,10 @@ A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
 A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
 		-- Yogi Berra
 %
-A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be
-passionately wrong with a high sense of consistency.
-		-- J. K. Galbraith
-%
 A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
 "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
 		-- Mahatma Ghandi
 %
-A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
-		-- Phyllis Schlafly
-%
 A novice of the temple once approached the Chief Priest with a question.
 
 "Master, does Emacs have the Buddha nature?" the novice asked.
@@ -7981,8 +7528,8 @@ A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
 %
 A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
 %
-"A penny for your thoughts?"
-"A dollar for your death."
+	"A penny for your thoughts?"
+	"A dollar for your death."
 		-- The Odd Couple
 %
 A penny saved has not been spent.
@@ -8010,9 +7557,6 @@ A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
 %
 A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
 %
-A person who has both feet planted firmly
-in the air can be safely called a liberal.
-%
 A person who has nothing looks at all there is and wants something.
 A person who has something looks at all there is and wants all the rest.
 %
@@ -8097,7 +7641,7 @@ A possum must be himself, and being himself he is honest.
 %
 A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
 %
-"A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
+A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!
 		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
 %
 A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality.
@@ -8178,10 +7722,6 @@ could not be seen.  A little while later the two kings of the jungle
 emerged and the radioman recorded on his tape: "Well, that's the end of
 the gnus and here, once again, are the head lions."
 %
-A promiscuous person is usually someone who is
-getting more sex than you are.
-		-- Victor Lownes
-%
 A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female
 by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness.
 		-- Aristotle
@@ -8229,23 +7769,7 @@ A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the
 entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.
 		-- Saul Alinsky
 %
-"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."
-%
-A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
-
-Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying,
-"Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny
-bits, in thy mercy."  And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the
-lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and
-breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the
-Holy Pin.  Then thou must count to three.  Three shall be the number of
-the counting and the number of the counting shall be three.  Four shalt
-thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then
-proceedeth to three.  Five is right out.  Once the number three, being
-the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand
-Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight,
-shall snuff it."
-		-- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
+A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
 %
 A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having
 his neighbor notice it.
@@ -8266,7 +7790,7 @@ A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away.
 A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
 %
 A real gentleman never takes bases unless he really has to.
-		-- Overheard in an algebra lecture.
+		-- Overheard in an algebra lecture
 %
 A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking
 ticket and rejoices that the system works.
@@ -8504,8 +8028,8 @@ Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him.
 %
 A stitch in time saves nine.
 %
-"...A strange enigma is man!"
-"Someone calls him a soul concealed in an animal," I suggested.
+	"...A strange enigma is man!"
+	"Someone calls him a soul concealed in an animal," I suggested.
 	"Winwood Reade is good upon the subject," said Holmes.  "He remarked
 that, while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he
 becomes a mathematical certainty.  You can, for example, never foretell what
@@ -8648,7 +8172,7 @@ A university is what a college becomes
 when the faculty loses interest in students.
 		-- John Ciardi
 %
-"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
+A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.
 		-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
 %
 A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
@@ -8700,10 +8224,6 @@ These are great mysteries.
 A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.
 		-- Addison
 %
-A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there
-*for the rest of your life*.
-		-- Jim Samuels
-%
 A wise man can see more from a mountain top
 than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
 %
@@ -8765,11 +8285,6 @@ A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing -- tender, sweet,
 and stupid.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
 %
-A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times
-over for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of
-pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door.
-		-- Stendhal
-%
 A woman physician has made the statement that smoking is neither
 physically defective nor morally degrading, and that nicotine, even
 when indulged to in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."
@@ -8846,7 +8361,7 @@ anything for one of those Rolls-Royces," she said.
 %
 A young man enters the New York branch of Tiffany's on a Friday evening and
 walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces.  He turns to a gorgeous
-woman, who is obviously windowshopping, looks her straight in the eye and
+woman, who is obviously window shopping, looks her straight in the eye and
 says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace.  If you'll
 allow me, I'd like to buy it for you."
 	The woman looks him up and down; he's wearing a nice suit and some
@@ -8931,7 +8446,7 @@ Above all things, reverence yourself.
 %
 Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain.  He died in Washington, D.C.
 %
-abscond, v:
+Abscond, v:
 	To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative
 	and miss the return train.
 %
@@ -8966,8 +8481,6 @@ Absentee, n.:
 	to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
-%
 Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)
 		-- Stafford Beer
 %
@@ -9023,10 +8536,6 @@ Accident:
 	but absence of body is better.
 		-- Foolish Dictionary
 %
-Accident, n.:
-	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
-body is better.
-%
 Accidentally Shot
 	Colonel Gray, of Petaluma, came near losing his life a few days ago,
 in a singular manner.  A gentleman with whom he was hunting attempted to
@@ -9094,11 +8603,11 @@ Acid -- better living through chemistry.
 %
 Acid absorbs 47 times its own weight in excess Reality.
 %
-Acquaintance, n:
+Acquaintance, n.:
 	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well
 	enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight when the
 	object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
 %
@@ -9193,11 +8702,11 @@ Admiration, n.:
 Adolescence, n.:
 	The stage between puberty and adultery.
 %
-"Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
-like you ..."
+Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
+like you ...
 		-- Gilda Radner
 %
-Adore, v.:
+Adore, v:
 	To venerate expectantly.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
@@ -9253,8 +8762,8 @@ Ivy:			Friendship, fidelity, marriage
 Jasmine:		Amiability, transports of joy, sensuality
 Leaves (dead):		Melancholy
 Lilac:			Youthful innocence
-Lilly:			Purity, sweetness
-Lilly of the valley:	Return of happiness
+Lily:			Purity, sweetness
+Lily of the valley:	Return of happiness
 Magnolia:		Dignity, perseverance
 	* An upside-down blossom reverses the meaning.
 %
@@ -9351,9 +8860,9 @@ perjury.  Here's the money.  What do you intend to do with it?"
 Stockholm, Berlin, Rome, Athens and, finally, to a place called Lourdes --
 where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one hell of a miracle."
 %
-"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
+After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
 the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
-cost to others, to win advancement."
+cost to others, to win advancement.
 		-- Norman Thomas
 %
 After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
@@ -9457,9 +8966,9 @@ at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.
 %
 Age, n.:
 	That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
-still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
-to commit.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the
+	enterprise to commit.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Agnes' Law:
 	Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
@@ -9503,11 +9012,6 @@ Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
 Ahhhhhh... the smell of cuprinol and mahogany.  It
 excites me to... acts of passion... acts of... ineptitude.
 %
-Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
-Raygun himself:  Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
-Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion.
-Raygun himself:  Tell them to help themselves.
-%
 Aim for the moon.  If you miss, you may hit a star.
 		-- W. Clement Stone
 %
@@ -9518,15 +9022,15 @@ Ain't nothin' an old man can do for me but
 bring me a message from a young man.
 		-- Moms Mabley
 %
-"Ain't that something what happened today.  One of us got traded to
-Kansas City."
+Ain't that something what happened today.  One of us got traded to
+Kansas City.
 		-- Casey Stengel, informing outfielder Bob Cerv he'd
-		   been traded.
+		   been traded
 %
-AIR:
-	A nutritious substance supplied by
-	a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+Air, n.:
+	A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for
+	the fattening of the poor.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Air Force Inertia Axiom:
 	Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
@@ -9789,7 +9293,7 @@ All of the people in my building are insane.  The guy above me designs
 synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.  The lady across the hall tried to
 rob a department store... with a pricing gun...  She said, "Give me all
 of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
 		-- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
@@ -9978,8 +9482,8 @@ Allen's Axiom:
 %
 Alliance, n.:
 	In international politics, the union of two thieves who have
-their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot
-separately plunder a third.
+	their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they
+	cannot separately plunder a third.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 All's well that ends.
@@ -10073,8 +9577,8 @@ Always think of something new; this
 helps you forget your last rotten idea.
 		-- Seth Frankel
 %
-"Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
-that way."
+Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
+that way.
 %
 Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
 %
@@ -10096,10 +9600,10 @@ AMBIGUITY:
 Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
 		-- Charlie McCarthy
 %
-Ambition, n:
+Ambition, n.:
 	An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
 	living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 America: born free and taxed to death.
 %
@@ -10155,7 +9659,7 @@ American by birth; Texan by the grace of God.
 %
 American cars are made shoddily...
 Cars made overseas are far superior.
-		-- Sen. Barry Goldwater
+		-- Barry Goldwater
 %
 [Americans] are a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything
 we allow them short of hanging.
@@ -10184,7 +9688,7 @@ AMOEBIT:
 	and divide at the same time.
 %
 Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.
-		-- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407.
+		-- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407
 %
 Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
 %
@@ -10501,7 +10005,7 @@ An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
 An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
 		-- Spanish proverb
 %
-"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge."
+An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge.
 %
 Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
 government at all.
@@ -10527,6 +10031,7 @@ Plant a new truffula -- treat it with care.
 Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
 Grow a forest -- protect it from axes that hack.
 Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!"
+		-- Dr. Seuss, "The Lorax"
 %
 And as we stand on the edge of darkness
 Let our chant fill the void
@@ -10538,12 +10043,6 @@ That others may know
 	The grateful dead.
 		-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
 %
-And Bezel saideth unto Sham: "Sham," he saideth, "Thou shalt goest
-unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
-bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
-provideth that they are nice and fresh."
-		-- Dave Barry, "Getting Religion"
-%
 And did those feet, in ancient times,
 Walk upon England's mountains green?
 And was the Holy Lamb of God
@@ -10585,7 +10084,7 @@ on, you know what I'm planning to do?  From now on, I'm going to protect
 them with you!"  And the young kangaroo in her pouch said, "ME TOO!  From
 the sun in the summer.  From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm going to protect
 them.  No matter how small-ish!"
-		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
+		-- Dr. Seuss, "Horton Hears a Who"
 %
 And here I wait so patiently
 Waiting to find out what price
@@ -10716,8 +10215,8 @@ white children begin with a small separation but increase it during
 growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress.
 		-- S. J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation"
 %
-"... and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a
-courtesy detail."
+... and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a
+courtesy detail.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 And the silence came surging softly backwards
@@ -10793,7 +10292,7 @@ he, earnestly.
 		-- William Morris, "Notes from Nowhere"
 %
 Andrea: Unhappy the land that has no heroes.
-Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _____needs heroes.
+Galileo: No, unhappy the land that _n_e_e_d_s heroes.
 		-- Bertolt Brecht, "Life of Galileo"
 %
 Andrea's Admonition:
@@ -10824,14 +10323,14 @@ Announcing the NEW VAX 11/782!!
 Be the envy of other major Communist Governments!
 
 Defend yourself against the entire ICBM force of the imperialist USA with
-just one of the processors, at the same time you're designing missile IC's,
+just one of the processors, at the same time you're designing missile ICs,
 cracking secret NATO codes and editing propaganda for your own people all
 at the same time with the other! (Well, you really can't, but the Americans
 think you can, and that's the point, right?)
 %
-Anoint, v.:
-	To grease a king or other great
-	functionary already sufficiently slippery.
+Anoint, v:
+	To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently
+	slippery.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Another day, another dollar.
@@ -10846,7 +10345,7 @@ Another megabytes the dust.
 Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
 television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
 and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
-offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath.
+offers whiter teeth *_a_n_d* fresher breath.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
 %
 Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
@@ -10966,9 +10465,9 @@ liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall
 be deemed to be a cat.
 		-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
 %
-"Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully.
-"None," Anita replied.  "She's having great difficulty finding someone
-qualified who is willing to accept the post."
+	"Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully.
+	"None," Anita replied.  "She's having great difficulty finding
+someone qualified who is willing to accept the post."
 	"Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh.  "I'm not good for much, but I
 can at least make a decision."
 	"Somewhere," he grumphed, "there must be a naive, opportunistic
@@ -11006,8 +10505,6 @@ Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
 exactly the point of most pressure.
 		-- Milt Barber
 %
-Any sufficiently advanced bug becomes a feature.
-%
 Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
 		-- Rich Kulawiec
 %
@@ -11052,11 +10549,11 @@ Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
 Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with
 none.
 %
-"Anyone can say 'no'. It is the first word a child learns and often the
+Anyone can say "no." It is the first word a child learns and often the
 first word he speaks. It is a cheap word because it requires no
 explanation, and many men and women have acquired a reputation for
 intelligence who know only this word and have used it in place of
-thought on every occasion."
+thought on every occasion.
 		-- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.)
 %
 Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty.
@@ -11064,7 +10561,7 @@ Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty.
 Anyone taking offence at fortune(s) is desperately lacking beer, in my
 extremely humble opinion.
 
-                -- Philip Paeps
+		-- Philip Paeps
 %
 Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best he
 is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
@@ -11075,7 +10572,7 @@ Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
 		-- R. Heinlein
 %
 Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence.
-		-- Tasnim Aslam, Spokesman for Pakistani Foreign Ministry.
+		-- Tasnim Aslam, Spokesman for Pakistani Foreign Ministry
 %
 Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
@@ -11090,9 +10587,6 @@ Anyone who has had a bull by the tail
 knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
-		-- W. C. Fields
-%
 Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time
 as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
 		-- Philippus Paracelsus
@@ -11122,8 +10616,6 @@ Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
 %
 Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
 %
-Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
-%
 Anything is possible on paper.
 		-- Ron McAfee
 %
@@ -11155,7 +10647,7 @@ but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.  I know it's crazy.
 Apathy Club meeting this Friday.
 If you want to come, you're not invited.
 %
-"Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
+Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution.
 %
 APHASIA:
 	Loss of speech in social scientists when asked
@@ -11188,9 +10680,9 @@ Appearances often are deceiving.
 APPENDIX:
 	A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
 %
-Applause, n:
+Applause, n.:
 	The echo of a platitude from the mouth of a fool.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 April is the cruelest month...
 		-- Thomas Stearns Eliot
@@ -11277,7 +10769,7 @@ Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
 
 	Go away.  You bother me.
-	Why?   Because life is unfair.
+	Why?  Because life is unfair.
 	That's a nice drawing.  What is it?
 	Children should be seen and not heard.
 	You'll be the death of me.
@@ -11336,16 +10828,18 @@ Are you a turtle?
 %
 Are you making all this up as you go along?
 %
-"Are you police officers?"
-"No, ma'am.  We're musicians."
+	"Are you police officers?"
+	"No, ma'am.  We're musicians."
 		-- The Blues Brothers
 %
 Are you sure the back door is locked?
 %
-"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
-No, Ma'am.  Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
+	"Are you sure you're not an encyclopedia salesman?"
+	"No, Ma'am.  Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
 		-- Monty Python
 %
+Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
+
 Are your glasses mended with a strip of masking tape right over your nose?
 Do you put pennies in the slots in your penny loafers?
 Does your bow-tie flash "hey you kid" in red neon at parties?
@@ -11358,7 +10852,6 @@ Is illegal fishing is something only a daring criminal would do?
 Is Batman your hero?  Superman?  Green Lantern?  The Shadow?
 Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose?
 
-	Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
 0-2  -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood.
 3-5  -- There is hope for you yet.
 6-7  -- Uh-oh, trouble in River City.
@@ -11366,13 +10859,13 @@ Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose?
 11+  -- Does suicide seem attractive?
 %
 Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone
 in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
+Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
@@ -11446,7 +10939,7 @@ Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
 		-- Picasso
 %
 Art is anything you can get away with.
-		-- Marshall McLuhan.
+		-- Marshall McLuhan
 %
 Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
 		-- Paul Gauguin
@@ -11505,7 +10998,7 @@ a few, three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
 Suddenly "buzzzzzzzzplooop", each fly does a kamakazi dive into a different
 glass.
 	The Englishman take a disgusted look at his pint, dips the fly out
-with a spoon,  flicks the fly over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
+with a spoon, flicks the fly over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
 	The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips.  With
 a quick puff he blows the bug out in a cloud of foam, and tosses the beer
 down in one gulp.
@@ -11536,7 +11029,7 @@ As for the women, though we scorn and flout 'em,
 We may live with, but cannot live without 'em.
 		-- Frederic Reynolds
 %
-As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
+As Gen. de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
 of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
 		-- John F. Kennedy
 %
@@ -11849,11 +11342,6 @@ for an answer.
 Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
 		-- John Stuart Mill
 %
-"Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old
-woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it,
-she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'"
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team, she
 said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and
 released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her
@@ -11957,7 +11445,7 @@ At last I've found the girl of my dreams.  Last night she said to me,
 At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
 		-- J. B. White
 %
-"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
+At least they're _E_X_P_E_R_I_E_N_C_E_D incompetents.
 %
 At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
 thumb with a hammer.
@@ -11995,7 +11483,7 @@ field on track.
 At the hospital, a doctor is training an intern on how to announce bad news
 to the patients.  The doctor tells the intern "This man in 305 is going to
 die in six months.  Go in and tell him."  The intern boldly walks into the
-room, over to the man's bedisde and tells him "Seems like you're gonna die!"
+room, over to the man's bedside and tells him "Seems like you're gonna die!"
 The man has a heart attack and is rushed into surgery on the spot.  The doctor
 grabs the intern and screams at him, "What!?!? are you some kind of moron?
 You've got to take it easy, work your way up to the subject.  Now this man in
@@ -12061,7 +11549,7 @@ Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.
 %
 Automobile, n.:
 	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
-pedestrians.
+	pedestrians.
 %
 Avec!
 %
@@ -12091,9 +11579,6 @@ in 1959.
 		-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton
 		   bad fiction contest.
 %
-[Babe] Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching.
-		-- Tris Speaker, 1921
-%
 Bacchus, n.:
 	A convenient deity invented by the ancients
 	as an excuse for getting drunk.
@@ -12131,7 +11616,7 @@ uphill both ways and it was always snowing.
 BACKWARD CONDITIONING:
 	Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
 %
-Bacons not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
+Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
 %
 BAD CRAZINESS, MAN!!!
 %
@@ -12221,14 +11706,6 @@ Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
 Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
-Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
-
-	(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
-	(2) Advising the President.
-	(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-		-- David Letterman
-%
 Basic Definitions of Science:
 	If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
 	If it stinks, it's chemistry.
@@ -12237,14 +11714,14 @@ Basic Definitions of Science:
 Basic is a high level languish.
 APL is a high level anguish.
 %
-"BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'."
+BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of "Scientific Creationism."
 %
 BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.
 		-- Seymour Papert
 %
 Basic, n.:
 	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in
-that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
+	that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
 %
 Basically my wife was immature.  I'd be at home in the bath and she'd
 come in and sink my boats.
@@ -12252,15 +11729,15 @@ come in and sink my boats.
 %
 Bathquake, n.:
 	The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
-faucet is turned on to a certain point.
+	faucet is turned on to a certain point.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Batteries not included.
 %
-Battle, n:
+Battle, n.:
 	A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that
 	will not yield to the tongue.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Be a better psychiatrist and the world
 will beat a psychopath to your door.
@@ -12451,7 +11928,7 @@ Behind every great computer sits a skinny little geek.
 Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
 %
 Behold the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" -- which
-is but a manner of saying,  "Scatter your money and your attention"; but
+is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but
 the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and -- watch that
 basket!"
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -12510,10 +11987,6 @@ slavery -- now it's called commitment.
 %
 Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
 %
-Being stoned on marijuana isn't very
-different from being stoned on gin.
-		-- Ralph Nader
-%
 Being the #2 man in the Justice Department under Ed Meese is akin to
 standing next to a lamp post infested with pigeons.
 		-- unnamed Justice Department official
@@ -12537,7 +12010,7 @@ Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
 	(2)  Gardens are for plants to live in.
 	(3)  There is no such thing as a houseplant.
 %
-"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
+Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence.
 		-- Time Bandits
 %
 Benson's Dogma:
@@ -12610,7 +12083,7 @@ victuals being spent and especially our beer."
 		-- Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual
 %
 Best Mistakes In Films
-	In his "Filgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists
+	In his "Filmgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists
 four of the cinema's greatest moments which you should get to see if at all
 possible.
 	In "Carmen Jones", the camera tracks with Dorothy Dandridge down a
@@ -12692,7 +12165,7 @@ destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass both
 Parliament and Party.
 	It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
 planets, this may be the first message received from us.
-		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
+		-- The Realist, November, 1964
 %
 Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.
 %
@@ -12723,8 +12196,8 @@ a new wearer of clothes.
 %
 Beware of Bigfoot!
 %
-"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
-tried it."
+Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
+tried it.
 		-- Donald Knuth
 %
 Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
@@ -12752,10 +12225,10 @@ shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
 %
 Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
 %
-"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
-finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of
-murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
-their ignorance the hard way."
+	"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it,
+and finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full
+of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come
+by their ignorance the hard way."
 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
 %
 Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything
@@ -12788,7 +12261,7 @@ Bilbo's First Law:
 	You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
 %
 Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
-		-- Yogi Berra in his rookie season.
+		-- Yogi Berra in his rookie season
 %
 Billy:	Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
 	generation to generation?
@@ -12947,12 +12420,6 @@ Blue paint today.
 Blutarsky's Axiom:
 	Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
 %
-Board the windows, up your car insurance, and don't leave any booze in
-plain sight.  It's St. Patrick's day in Chicago again.  The legend has
-it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland.  In fact, he was
-arrested for drunk driving.  The snakes left because people kept
-throwing up on them.
-%
 Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
 %
 Boling's postulate:
@@ -13091,11 +12558,11 @@ Brady's First Law of Problem Solving:
 %
 Brain fried -- core dumped
 %
-brain, n:
+Brain, n.:
 	The apparatus with which we think that we think.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
+Brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
 	To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source
 	of error in an opponent.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
@@ -13236,12 +12703,12 @@ Brooks' Law:
 	Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
 %
 Brucify, v:
-       1: Kill by nailing onto style(9); "David O'Brien was brucified"
-       2: Annoy constantly by reminding of potential improvements
-          [syn: {torment}, {rag}, {tantalize}, {bedevil}, {dun},
-          {frustrate}]
-       3: Fix problems that were indicated in an earlier brucification
-          (of one of the two other meanings).
+	1: Kill by nailing onto style(9); "David O'Brien was brucified"
+	2: Annoy constantly by reminding of potential improvements
+	   [syn: {torment}, {rag}, {tantalize}, {bedevil}, {dun},
+	   {frustrate}]
+	3: Fix problems that were indicated in an earlier brucification
+	   (of one of the two other meanings).
 The word 'brucify' originally comes from the style-reviews of Bruce
 Evans of the FreeBSD project, but is now also sometimes used for
 reviews just done in his spirit.
@@ -13284,7 +12751,7 @@ bug, n:
 %
 Bugs, pl. n.:
 	Small living things that small living boys throw on small
-living girls.
+	living girls.
 %
 Building translators is good clean fun.
 		-- T. Cheatham
@@ -13322,8 +12789,6 @@ Bureaucrat, n.:
 bureaucrat, n:
 	A politician who has tenure.
 %
-Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise.
-%
 Burke's Postulates:
 	Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
 	Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
@@ -13355,8 +12820,8 @@ Business will be either better or worse.
 %
 But Captain -- the engines can't take this much longer!
 %
-"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations
-paws."
+But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations
+paws.
 %
 But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
@@ -13366,8 +12831,8 @@ But has any little atom,
 Ever stopped to think or CARE
 	That E = m c**2 ?
 %
-"But Huey, you PROMISED!"
-"Tell 'em I lied."
+	"But Huey, you PROMISED!"
+	"Tell 'em I lied."
 %
 But I always fired into the nearest hill or, failing that, into blackness.
 I meant no harm;  I just liked the explosions.  And I was careful never to
@@ -13398,7 +12863,7 @@ arrogance down.
 		-- Marilyn French, "The Woman's Room"
 %
 But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable
-nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
+nowadays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
 		-- Leslie Stephen, "Sketches from Cambridge"
 %
 But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
@@ -13424,8 +12889,8 @@ But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch!
 %
 But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
 %
-"But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
-to the nearest gas station."
+But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
+to the nearest gas station.
 %
 But scientists, who ought to know
 Assure us that it must be so.
@@ -13475,8 +12940,8 @@ is a kludge, after all, but not enough K's, not enough ROM's, not
 enough RAM's, poor quality interface and too few bytes to go around?
 Have I explained yet about the bytes?
 %
-"But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
-computers?"
+But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable
+computers?
 %
 But you shall not escape my iambics.
 		-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
@@ -13533,8 +12998,8 @@ By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
 By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
 		-- Titus Lucretius Carus
 %
-"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
-to suspect 'Hungry' ..."
+By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
+to suspect "Hungry" ...
 		-- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"
 %
 By the time you swear you're his,
@@ -13564,7 +13029,7 @@ point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very
 fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
 often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people
 from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B
-that so many people from point A are so keen to get _____there.  They often
+that so many people from point A are so keen to get _t_h_e_r_e.  They often
 wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell
 they wanted to be.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
@@ -13596,10 +13061,10 @@ C, n:
 %
 Cabbage, n.:
 	A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as
-a man's head.
+	a man's head.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception."
+Cable is not a luxury, since many areas have poor TV reception.
 		-- The mayor of Tucson, Arizona, 1989
 %
 Cache:
@@ -13609,12 +13074,6 @@ Cache:
 California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
-California, n.:
-	From Latin "calor", meaning "heat" (as in English "calorie" or
-Spanish "caliente"); and "fornia'" for "sexual intercourse" or
-"fornication."  Hence: Tierra de California, "the land of hot sex."
-		-- Ed Moran
-%
 Californians are a strange people.  They'll put every chemical known to God
 and man up their nostrils and then laugh at you for putting sugar in your
 coffee.
@@ -13631,9 +13090,6 @@ damnation.
 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
 	 referring to logical names.]
 %
-"Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
-Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
-%
 Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!
 		-- Wanda, "A Fish Called Wanda"
 %
@@ -13712,12 +13168,12 @@ fashion without thinking.
 	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
 %
 Can't act.  Slightly bald.  Also dances.
-		-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test.
+		-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test
 		   Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
 %
-Can't open /usr/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.
+Can't open /usr/games/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.
 %
-Can't open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.dat.
+Can't open /usr/share/games/fortune/fortunes.dat.
 %
 Capitalism is the extraordinary belief that the nastiest of men, for
 the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.
@@ -13823,7 +13279,7 @@ In one I'm enlightened, in the other I ain't.
 If *you* understand, Cecil, then show me the way
 And rescue my psyche from quantum decay.
 But if this queer thing has perplexed even you,
-Then I will *___and* I won't see you in Schrodinger's zoo.
+Then I will *_a_n_d* I won't see you in Schrodinger's zoo.
 		-- Randy F., Chicago, "The Straight Dope, a compendium
 		   of human knowledge" by Cecil Adams
 %
@@ -13844,7 +13300,7 @@ cerebral atrophy, n:
 impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
 symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression, and overall poor academic
 performance.  A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
-everday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
+everyday activity, but large amounts are weakened by intense mental effort
 and the assimilation of difficult concepts.  Many college students become
 victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.
 
@@ -13883,7 +13339,7 @@ reads, "In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression
 nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would
 but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground) (other than ground
 nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground)."
-		-- Guiness Book of World Records, 1973
+		-- Guinness Book of World Records, 1973
 %
 Certainly the game is rigged.
 Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
@@ -13908,10 +13364,6 @@ Chamberlain's Laws:
 	1: The big guys always win.
 	2: Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
 %
-Champagne don't make me lazy.  Cocaine don't drive me crazy.
-Ain't nobody's business but my own.
-		-- Taj Mahal
-%
 Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.
 		-- Anatole France
 %
@@ -13992,11 +13444,13 @@ Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
 Cheops' Law:
 	Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
 %
-"Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please,
-		which way I ought to go from here?"
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
-"I don't care much where--" said Alice.
-"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
+	"Cheshire-Puss," she began, "would you tell me, please, which
+way I ought to go from here?"
+	"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said
+the Cat.
+	"I don't care much where--" said Alice.
+	"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
+		-- Lewis Carroll
 %
 Chess tonight.
 %
@@ -14007,7 +13461,7 @@ Chicago, n.:
 %
 Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #36:
 	Never ever ask the tough looking gentleman wearing El Rukn
-headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
+	headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
 		-- Chicago Reader 3/27/81
 %
 Chicago Transit Authority Rider's Rule #84:
@@ -14023,16 +13477,10 @@ Chicken Little only has to be right once.
 %
 Chicken Little was right.
 %
-Chicken Soup:
+Chicken Soup, n.:
 	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
 	cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup
 	can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
-Chicken Soup, n.:
-	An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin,
-cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup can't cure
-is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
 Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that
@@ -14112,10 +13560,6 @@ Christ:
 %
 Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.
 %
-Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found
-difficult and not tried.
-		-- G. K. Chesterton
-%
 Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
@@ -14146,7 +13590,7 @@ Churchill's Commentary on Man:
 %
 Cigarette, n.:
 	A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
-between.
+	between.
 %
 Cinemuck, n.:
 	The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which
@@ -14165,10 +13609,11 @@ See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.
 Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-clairvoyant, n.:
+Clairvoyant, n.:
 	A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that
-which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a
+	blockhead.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Claret is the liquor for boys; port for men; but he who
 aspires to be a hero... must drink brandy.
@@ -14208,7 +13653,7 @@ CLEVELAND:
 	Where their last tornado did six
 	million dollars worth of improvements.
 %
-Cleveland still lives.  God ____must be dead.
+Cleveland still lives.  God _m_u_s_t be dead.
 %
 Cleveland?
 Yes, I spent a week there one day.
@@ -14284,11 +13729,11 @@ Sam:  What'd you like, Normie?
 Norm: A reason to live.  Gimme another beer.
 		-- Cheers, Behind Every Great Man
 
-Sam:  What will you have, Norm?
-Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass
-      of whatever comes out of that tap.
-Sam:  Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
-Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
+Sam:	What will you have, Norm?
+Norm:	Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass
+	of whatever comes out of that tap.
+Sam:	Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
+Norm:	Call me Mister Lucky.
 		-- Cheers, The Executive's Executioner
 %
 Coach: What's up, Norm?
@@ -14301,7 +13746,7 @@ Norm:   All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
 
 Coach:  Beer, Normie?
 Norm:   Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
-        Eh, why not, I'm still young.
+	Eh, why not, I'm still young.
 		-- Cheers, Snow Job
 %
 COBOL:
@@ -14315,8 +13760,6 @@ COBOL is for morons.
 %
 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
 %
-Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
-%
 Code rot -- mostly caused by people redefining "fresh".
 		-- Wes Peters
 %
@@ -14327,7 +13770,7 @@ Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum --
 "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong."
+Cogito ergo I'm right and you're wrong.
 		-- Blair Houghton
 %
 Cohen's Law:
@@ -14340,7 +13783,7 @@ Cohn's Law:
 %
 Coincidence, n.:
 	You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was
-going on.
+	going on.
 %
 Coincidences are spiritual puns.
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
@@ -14350,7 +13793,7 @@ Cold, adj.:
 %
 Cold, adj.:
 	When the politicians walk around with their hands in their own
-pockets.
+	pockets.
 %
 Cold hands, no gloves.
 %
@@ -14359,7 +13802,7 @@ Cole's Law:
 %
 Collaboration, n.:
 	A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
-other fellow can spell.
+	other fellow can spell.
 %
 COLLEGE:
 	The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
@@ -14464,7 +13907,7 @@ Come, muse, let us sing of rats!
 		-- From a poem by James Grainger, 1721-1767
 %
 Come quickly, I am tasting stars!
-		-- Dom Perignon, upon discovering champagne.
+		-- Dom Perignon, upon discovering champagne
 %
 Come, you spirits
 That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
@@ -14501,18 +13944,18 @@ Coming together is a beginning;
 %
 Command, n.:
 	Statement presented by a human and accepted by a computer in
-such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
+	such a manner as to make the human feel as if he is in control.
 %
 Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
 %
 Commitment, n.:
 	Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
-The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
+	The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
 %
 Committee, n.:
 	A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
-decide that nothing can be done.
+	decide that nothing can be done.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
 Committee Rules:
@@ -14638,7 +14081,7 @@ Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
 %
 Concept, n.:
 	Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
-$25,000.
+	$25,000.
 %
 Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed
 from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
@@ -14665,9 +14108,9 @@ Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for
 the reputation.
 		-- Lord Thomas Dewar
 %
-Confidant, confidante, n:
+Confidant, confidante, n.:
 	One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to himself by C.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you
 fall flag on your face.
@@ -14720,14 +14163,14 @@ Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.
 He says he just found out he is the winner of the 2021 Psychic of the
 Year award.
 %
-"Congratulations!
+Congratulations!
 
 Some products leave home silently, some go kicking and screaming.  If
 v1.0 was the first born who came downstairs with shoes untied missing
 a sock and a belt, then this one was a full fledged punk rocker
 with neon hair and multiple piercings.  I believe we squeezed it into
 a suit and tie and brought its color back to an earth tone before it
-left."
+left.
 
 		-- An HP engineering project manager who shall remain
 		   nameless to the development team after releasing
@@ -14781,19 +14224,15 @@ CONSENT DECREE:
 	in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
 	never admitted to in the first place.
 %
-"Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."
+Consequences, Schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich.
 		-- "Ali Baba Bunny" [1957, Chuck Jones]
 %
-Conservative:
-	One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
-		-- Leo C. Rosten
-%
-Conservative, n:
+Conservative, n.:
 	A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished
 	from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-"Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion..."
+Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion...
 		-- Professor in the UCB physics department
 %
 Consider the following axioms carefully:
@@ -14849,8 +14288,8 @@ seduction, observable even in the animal kingdom.
 if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic!"
 		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
 %
-"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
-technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."
+Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
+technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.
 %
 Convention is the ruler of all.
 		-- Pindar
@@ -14860,7 +14299,7 @@ but solitude is the school of genius.
 %
 Conversation, n.:
 	A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
-is called the listener.
+	is called the listener.
 %
 Conway's Law:
 	In any organization there will always be one person who knows
@@ -14879,8 +14318,8 @@ COPYING MACHINE:
 %
 Coronation, n.:
 	The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and
-visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite
-bomb.
+	visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a
+	dynamite bomb.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
@@ -15074,13 +14513,13 @@ CYNIC:
 %
 Cynic, n.:
 	A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
-as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
-out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
+	as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of
+	plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Cynic, n.:
 	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced
-eye.
+	eye.
 %
 Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
 several of us died of tuberculosis.
@@ -15100,7 +14539,7 @@ Dallas still lives.  God MUST be dead.
 %
 Dammit Jim, I'm an actor not a doctor.
 %
-"Dammit, man, that's unprofessional!  A good bartender laughs anyway!"
+Dammit, man, that's unprofessional!  A good bartender laughs anyway!
 %
 Damn braces.
 		-- William Blake, "Proverbs of Hell"
@@ -15328,7 +14767,7 @@ prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
 mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
 %
 Dear Lord:
-	I just want *___one* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
+	I just want *_o_n_e* one-armed manager so I never have to hear "On
 the other hand", again.
 %
 Dear Lord: Please make my words sweet and tender, for tomorrow I may
@@ -15419,7 +14858,7 @@ so post it as many places as you can.
 %
 Dear Sir,
 	I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
-to the office,  We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public
+to the office.  We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public
 places.  They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers
 being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn will cause massive un-
 employment in the already severely depressed agricultural industry.
@@ -15488,7 +14927,7 @@ ova, n:		Location above or across a specified position.  What the
 %
 Decision maker, n.:
 	The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
-before the music stopped.
+	before the music stopped.
 %
 Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really over-
 whelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene language may
@@ -15592,8 +15031,8 @@ child.
 		-- Dr. Albert Hoffman
 %
 Deliberation, n.:
-	The act of examining one's bread
-	to determine which side it is buttered on.
+	The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is
+	buttered on.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
@@ -15605,7 +15044,7 @@ overdose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic
 apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless
 as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a
 steroid-free fitness center.
-		-- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about
 her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad
@@ -15766,8 +15205,6 @@ Did I say 2?  I lied.
 %
 Did it ever occur to you that fat chance
 and slim chance mean the same thing?
-
-Or that we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
 %
 Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control
 has already been born?
@@ -15852,7 +15289,7 @@ It's not often easy, and it's not often kind,
 Didja' ever have to make up your mind?
 		-- Lovin' Spoonful
 %
-Didja hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
+Didja hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper who sold his soul to Santa?
 %
 Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore
 would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
@@ -16021,8 +15458,8 @@ Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
 %
 Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
 %
-"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
-with ketchup."
+Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and good
+with ketchup.
 %
 Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
 for they become soggy and hard to light.
@@ -16139,10 +15576,10 @@ Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
 %
 Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he
 just whipped out a quarter?
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"Do you think there's a God?"
-"Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!"
+	"Do you think there's a God?"
+	"Well, SOMEbody's out to get me!"
 		-- Calvin and Hobbs
 %
 Do you think your mother and I should have lived
@@ -16230,7 +15667,7 @@ Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
 %
 Don't buy a landslide.  I don't want to have to pay for one more vote
 than I have to.
-		-- Joseph P. Kennedy, on JFK's election strategy.
+		-- Joseph P. Kennedy, on JFK's election strategy
 %
 Don't change the reason, just change the excuses!
 		-- Joe Cointment
@@ -16417,8 +15854,6 @@ Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out alive.
 Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
 		-- Walt Kelly
 %
-Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive.
-%
 Don't talk to me about naval tradition.  It's nothing but rum,
 sodomy and the lash.
 		-- Winston Churchill
@@ -16428,8 +15863,8 @@ Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
 Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.
 		-- James J. Ling
 %
-"Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
-get more wax!!"
+Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends -- tell me where to
+get more wax!!
 %
 Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good.
 I know better. The things I worry about don't happen.
@@ -16480,10 +15915,10 @@ Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
 %
 Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
 %
-"Don't you think what we're doing is wrong?"
-"Of course it's wrong!  It's illegal!"
-"Well, I've never done anything illegal before."
-"... I thought you said you were an accountant."
+	"Don't you think what we're doing is wrong?"
+	"Of course it's wrong!  It's illegal!"
+	"Well, I've never done anything illegal before."
+	"... I thought you said you were an accountant."
 %
 Don't you wish that all the people who sincerely
 want to help you could agree with each other?
@@ -16529,11 +15964,8 @@ by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
 Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
 		-- Voltaire
 %
-Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
-		-- Paul Tillich, German theologian.
+		-- Paul Tillich, German theologian
 %
 Down to the Banana Republics,
 Down to the tropical sun.
@@ -16588,8 +16020,6 @@ Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
 Dr. Livingston?
 Dr. Livingston I. Presume?
 %
-Draft beer, not people.
-%
 Drakenberg's Discovery:
 	If you can't seem to find your glasses,
 	it's probably because you don't have them on.
@@ -16612,7 +16042,7 @@ For tomorrow we shall die!
 (But, alas, we never do.)
 		-- Dorothy Parker, "The Flaw in Paganism"
 %
-Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
+Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *_i_s* fun trying.
 %
 Drinking coffee for instant relaxation?  That's like drinking alcohol for
 instant motor skills.
@@ -16663,7 +16093,7 @@ lot a poker.
 %
 Ducharme's Axiom:
 	If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize
-yourself as part of the problem.
+	yourself as part of the problem.
 %
 Ducharme's Precept:
 	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
@@ -16720,7 +16150,7 @@ nothing whatever to do with it.
 		-- W. Somerset Maughm, his last words
 %
 Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.
-		-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed.
+		-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed
 %
 Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
 		-- Woody Allen
@@ -16742,7 +16172,7 @@ typefaces.  The greatest icon of all, the inviolable Apple itself, stands in
 the dominate position at the upper-left corner of the screen.  A central
 corporate headquarters decrees the form of all rites and practices.
 Infallible doctrine issues from one executive officer whose selection occurs
-in a sealed boardroom.  Should anyone in his curia question his powers, the
+in a sealed board room.  Should anyone in his curia question his powers, the
 offender is excommunicated into outer darkness.  The expelled heretic founds
 a new company, mutters obscurely of the coming age and the next computer,
 then disappears into silence, taking his stockholders with him.  The mother
@@ -16807,7 +16237,7 @@ Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- film clips at eleven.
 %
 Earth is a beta site.
 %
-"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
+Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun.
 		-- Jeff Berner
 %
 Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:
@@ -16938,9 +16368,6 @@ Ehrman's Commentary:
 	1.  Things will get worse before they get better.
 	2.  Who said things would get better?
 %
-Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
-		-- Ronald Reagan, famous movie star
-%
 ...eighty years later he could still recall with the young pang of his
 original joy his falling in love with Ada.
 		-- Nabokov
@@ -16950,10 +16377,6 @@ God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts the software
 engineer.
 		-- Fred Brooks
 %
-Eisenhower was very nice,
-Nixon was his only vice.
-		-- C. Degen
-%
 Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
 		-- Groucho Marx' last words
 %
@@ -17073,10 +16496,10 @@ property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline
 of the Scientologist.  May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.
 		-- L. Ron Hubbard, "Fair Game Doctrine"
 %
-Engineering:    "How will this work?"
-Science:        "Why will this work?"
-Management:     "When will this work?"
-Liberal Arts:   "Do you want fries with that?"
+Engineering:	"How will this work?"
+Science:	"Why will this work?"
+Management:	"When will this work?"
+Liberal Arts:	"Do you want fries with that?"
 %
 English literature's performing flea.
 		-- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse
@@ -17125,7 +16548,7 @@ that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.
 %
 Epperson's law:
 	When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
-something his wife can beat him at.
+	something his wife can beat him at.
 %
 Equal bytes for women.
 %
@@ -17235,10 +16658,6 @@ I tell you this across the blackened vine.
 %
 Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
 %
-Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
-just a bit unchivalrous...
-		-- Robert Benchley
-%
 Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
@@ -17385,11 +16804,11 @@ Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
 Every four seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this
 woman and stop her.
 %
-"Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
+Every group has a couple of experts.  And every group has at least one
 idiot.  Thus are balance and harmony (and discord) maintained.  It's
 sometimes hard to remember this in the bulk of the flamewars that all
 of the hassle and pain is generally caused by one or two
-highly-motivated, caustic twits."
+highly-motivated, caustic twits.
 		-- Chuq Von Rospach, about Usenet
 %
 Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
@@ -17424,7 +16843,7 @@ Every love's the love before
 In a duller dress.
 		-- Dorothy Parker, "Summary"
 %
-"Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95."
+Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95.
 %
 Every man is apt to form his notions of things difficult to be apprehended,
 or less familiar, from their analogy to things which are more familiar.
@@ -17461,8 +16880,8 @@ Every man who is high up likes to think that he has done
 it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
 		-- Barrie
 %
-"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the
-richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work"
+Every morning, I get up and look through the "Forbes" list of the
+richest people in America.  If I'm not there, I go to work.
 		-- Robert Orben
 %
 Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it must run faster
@@ -17493,7 +16912,7 @@ when they aren't.
 
 	When a politician rubs his nose, he isn't lying.
 	When a politician tugs on his ear, he isn't lying.
-	When a politician scratches his colar bone, he isn't lying.
+	When a politician scratches his collar bone, he isn't lying.
 	When his mouth starts moving, that's when he's lying!
 %
 Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by
@@ -17505,7 +16924,7 @@ Every path has its puddle.
 %
 Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have
 drawn them there.  What you choose to do with them is up to you.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one
 instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program
@@ -17610,7 +17029,7 @@ Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
 Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had
 to be taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
 %
-Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
+Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
 %
 Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
 %
@@ -17628,7 +17047,7 @@ Everyone is more or less mad on one point.
 Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
 formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
 scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
-wholly unconcerned with what ____does exist.  Indeed, the banality of
+wholly unconcerned with what _d_o_e_s exist.  Indeed, the banality of
 existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to
 discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the
 problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the
@@ -17637,7 +17056,7 @@ one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
 different way ...
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
+Everyone talks about apathy, but no one _d_o_e_s anything about it.
 %
 Everyone wants results, but no one is willing to do what it takes
 to get them.
@@ -17665,7 +17084,7 @@ Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
 		-- Alexander Woollcott
 %
 Everything in this book may be wrong.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Everything is controlled by a small evil group
 to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
@@ -17751,7 +17170,7 @@ doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact.  That all present
 life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches of geologic time, is
 as firmly established as Copernican cosmology.  Biologists differ only with
 respect to theories about how the process operates.
-		-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
+		-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life"
 %
 Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for
 even the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
@@ -17898,8 +17317,6 @@ f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
 %
 f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
 %
-F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
-%
 f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
 %
 FACILITY REJECTED 100044200000;
@@ -17979,7 +17396,7 @@ You never get to do it enough to become good at it.
 %
 Falling in love makes smoking pot all day look like the ultimate in
 restraint.
-		-- Dave Sim, author of "Cerebus".
+		-- Dave Sim, author of "Cerebus"
 %
 Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident;
 the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
@@ -18008,7 +17425,7 @@ By becoming a Cabinet Minister
 %
 Famous, adj.:
 	Conspicuously miserable.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Famous last words:
 %
@@ -18022,18 +17439,12 @@ Famous last words:
 	7: They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
 	8: Don't worry!  Women love it!
 %
-Famous last words:
-	(1) "Don't worry, I can handle it."
-	(2) "You and what army?"
-	(3) "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be
-	     a cop."
-%
 Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have
 forgotten your aim.
 		-- George Santayana
 %
-"Fantasies are free."
-"NO!! NO!! It's the thought police!!!!"
+	"Fantasies are free."
+	"NO!! NO!! It's the thought police!!!!"
 %
 Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the
 former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
@@ -18121,7 +17532,7 @@ Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
 Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
 I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations,
 A singular development of cat communications
-That obviates your basic hedonistic predelection
+That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
 For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
 A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents:
 You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance;
@@ -18247,14 +17658,10 @@ Finagle's Fifth Law:
 Finagle's Sixth Law:
 	Don't believe in miracles -- rely on them.
 %
-Finagle's fourth Law:
-	Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes
-it worse.
-%
 Finagle's Second Law:
 	No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be
-someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it
-happened according to his own pet theory.
+	someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or
+	(c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.
 %
 Finagle's Seventh Law:
 	The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
@@ -18321,8 +17728,8 @@ First law of debate:
 %
 First Law of Procrastination:
 	Procrastination shortens the job and places the responsibility
-for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who imposed
-the deadline).
+	for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who
+	imposed the deadline).
 %
 First Law of Socio-Genetics:
 	Celibacy is not hereditary.
@@ -18362,9 +17769,9 @@ telephone booth, and -- you guessed it -- another imprisoned wombat.
 and after questioning, released him to be charged on summons.
 	Their problem ... they cannot find a law against placing wombats in
 telephone booths.
-		-- "Newcastle Morning Herald", NSW Australia, Aug 1980.
+		-- "Newcastle Morning Herald", NSW Australia, Aug 1980
 %
-"First things first -- but not necessarily in that order"
+First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
 		-- Dr. Who, "Doctor Who"
 %
 "First World" nations are the ones where people drive Japanese cars;
@@ -18380,7 +17787,7 @@ Fishbowl, n:
 Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.
 		-- Jimmy Cannon
 %
-Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.
+Five bicycles make a Volkswagen, seven make a truck.
 		-- Adolfo Guzman
 %
 Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
@@ -18509,8 +17916,8 @@ Fog Lamps, n:
 	of automobiles; used on dry, clear nights to indicate that the
 	driver's brain is in a fog.  See also "Idiot Lights".
 %
-"Follow me around.  I don't care.  I'm serious.  If anybody wants to put a
-tail on me, go ahead.  They'd be very bored."
+Follow me around.  I don't care.  I'm serious.  If anybody wants to put a
+tail on me, go ahead.  They'd be very bored.
 		-- Gary Hart, announcing his presidential candidacy,
 		   commenting on rumors of womanizing.
 %
@@ -18529,7 +17936,7 @@ Football combines the two worst features of American life.
 It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
 		-- George F. Will, "Men At Work:  The Craft of Baseball"
 %
-Football is a game designed to keep coalminers off the streets.
+Football is a game designed to keep coal miners off the streets.
 		-- Jimmy Breslin
 %
 For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
@@ -18555,7 +17962,7 @@ prejudice, to fear, to miracle, to slavery, to the unknown, and to
 misery hereafter. The few have said "Think". The many have said "Believe!"
 		-- Robert Ingersoll, "Gods"
 %
-"For an adequate time call 555-3321"
+For an adequate time call 555-3321
 %
 For an idea to be fashionable is ominous,
 since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
@@ -18772,14 +18179,13 @@ For what it's worth, if you -can- get Michelle Pfeiffer to model
 a latex daemon suit for the catalog, I strongly suggest you do.
 Breasts can sell anything. Shiny red latex body suits start
 religions.
-
 		-- Brian McGroarty <bvmcg@yahoo.com>
 %
 For years a secret shame destroyed my peace--
 I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
 But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
 Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-		-- Justin Richardson.
+		-- Justin Richardson
 %
 For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
 %
@@ -18833,8 +18239,6 @@ which is easier to parse using ad hoc techniques.
 		-- D. Gries
 		   [What's good about it?  Ed.]
 %
-FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
-%
 FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy,
 occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
 		-- A. J. Perlis
@@ -18894,7 +18298,7 @@ hurt." The man doubles over and actually FEELS the pain.
 
 Dressing Up:
 	A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
-garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.   A man will dress up
+garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.  A man will dress up
 for: weddings, funerals.  Speaking of weddings, when reminiscing about
 weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".  Men laugh about "the bachelor
 party".
@@ -19055,7 +18459,7 @@ of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
 FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #10
 
 CARTABLANCA:
-	Bogart stars as the owner of a north african nightclub that sells
+	Bogart stars as the owner of a North African nightclub that sells
 	only Mexican beer.  Of course, this policy gets him into no end of
 	trouble with the local French authorities who would really prefer
 	wine and the occupying Germans who believe that only their beer is
@@ -19076,7 +18480,7 @@ O.E.D.:				David Lean, 1969, 3 hours 30 min.
 
 	Lean's version of the Oxford Dictionary has been accused of
 	shallowness in its treatment of a complete work.  Omar Sharif
-	tends to overact as aardvark, but Alec Guiness is solid in
+	tends to overact as aardvark, but Alec Guinness is solid in
 	the role of abbacy.  As usual, the photography is stunning.
 	With Julie Christie.
 %
@@ -19151,14 +18555,14 @@ more weight than negative testimony, but by the latter term is meant
 negative testimony in its true sense and not positive evidence of a
 negative, because testimony in support of a negative may be as positive
 as that in support of an affirmative.
-		-- 254 Pac. Rep. 472.
+		-- 254 Pac. Rep. 472
 %
 Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:
 
 We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care, human toes could not be
 left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it
 seems to us that someone has been very careless.
-		-- 78 So. 365.
+		-- 78 So. 365
 %
 Fortune Documents the Great Legal Decisions:
 
@@ -19168,7 +18572,7 @@ species but that it is seldom, if ever, so used when applied to a female
 of the human race. Coming as it did, reasonably close on the heels of two
 revolver shots directed at the person of whom it was probably used, we think
 it carries every reasonable implication of ill-will toward that person.
-		-- Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466.
+		-- Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466
 %
 FORTUNE EXPLAINS WHAT JOB REVIEW CATCH PHRASES MEAN:	#1
 
@@ -19368,7 +18772,7 @@ Try:
 	If I had a ) for every dollar of the national debt, what would I have?
 	sleep with me				(anything up to 4.3BSD)
 %
-Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samuri
+Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
 sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
 
 Oh, and have a nice day!
@@ -19417,7 +18821,7 @@ Fortune's Exercising Truths:
 5.  No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
     quietly at your desk at work.  People will suspect manic tendencies as
     you twitter around in your chair.
-6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys mosts is tripping joggers.
+6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys most is tripping joggers.
 7.  Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
     for an hour smashing a little rubber ball -- and each other -- with a hard
     racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
@@ -19730,21 +19134,17 @@ FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #23
 Forty isn't old, if you're a tree.
 %
 Four be the things I am wiser to know:
-Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
+	Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
 
 Four be the things I'd been better without:
-Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
+	Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
 
 Three be the things I shall never attain:
-Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
+	Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
 
 Three be the things I shall have till I die:
-Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
-		-- Inventory
-%
-Four be the things I'd been better without:
-Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
--- Dorothy Parker, "Not So Deep as a Well"
+	Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
+		-- Dorothy Parker, "Inventory"
 %
 Four fifths of the perjury in the world is expended on
 tombstones, women and competitors.
@@ -19756,7 +19156,7 @@ Yes, damn thing wouldn't keep still, kept mucking about, 'owling...
 Fourteen years in the professor dodge has taught me that one can argue
 ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature.
 This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.
-		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
+		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink", ed. D. Wynn
 %
 Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
 	The night before the English History mid-term, your Biology
@@ -19855,7 +19255,7 @@ over the other.
 %
 Frisbeetarianism, n.:
 	The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and
-gets stuck.
+	gets stuck.
 %
 Frobnicate, v.:
 	To manipulate or adjust, to tweak.  Derived from FROBNITZ.
@@ -19936,7 +19336,7 @@ Your butt is on the menu
 And the check is in the mail.
 		-- The Piranha Club Anthem, to the tune of "De Camptown Races"
 %
-From the "Guiness Book of World Records", 1973:
+From the "Guinness Book of World Records", 1973:
 
 Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and
 the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion.  A judge of the
@@ -19968,13 +19368,13 @@ HOST COMPUTER, and warm heart of human being.
 %
 From the pages of Open Systems Today - October 13, 1994 ..........
 
-       "The International Standards Organization (ISO) and the
-       International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) designated
-       October 14 as World Standards Day to recognize those
-       volunteers who have worked hard to define international
-       standards.......The United States celebrated World Standards
-       Day on October 11; Finland celebrated on October 13; and
-       Italy celebrated on October 18."
+	"The International Standards Organization (ISO) and the
+	International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) designated
+	October 14 as World Standards Day to recognize those
+	volunteers who have worked hard to define international
+	standards.......The United States celebrated World Standards
+	Day on October 11; Finland celebrated on October 13; and
+	Italy celebrated on October 18."
 %
 From the Pointless Comparison Collection:
 
@@ -20010,7 +19410,7 @@ Hemingway:
 %
 Fuch's Warning:
 	If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren't well
-enough to travel.
+	enough to travel.
 %
 Fudd's First Law of Opposition:
 	Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
@@ -20036,7 +19436,7 @@ Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
 %
 Furbling, v.:
 	Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
-even when you are the only person in line.
+	even when you are the only person in line.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
@@ -20061,13 +19461,13 @@ Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.
 %
 Galbraith's Law of Human Nature:
 	Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that
-there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
+	there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
 %
 Garbage In - Gospel Out.
 %
 Garter, n.:
 	An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her
-stockings and desolating the country.
+	stockings and desolating the country.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on
@@ -20112,16 +19512,16 @@ GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
 	and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
 	trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
 %
-genderplex, n:
+Genderplex, n:
 	The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
 	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
 	tortoises).
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-GENEALOGY:
+Genealogy, n.:
 	An account of one's descent from an ancestor
 	who did not particularly care to trace his own.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 General notions are generally wrong.
 		-- Lady M. W. Montagu
@@ -20313,7 +19713,7 @@ Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's theorem:
 %
 Ginsburg's Law:
 	At the precise moment you take off your shoe in a shoe store, your
-big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
+	big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
 %
 GIVE:	Support the helpless victims of computer error.
 %
@@ -20342,7 +19742,7 @@ Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
 Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
 		-- St. Augustine
 %
-"Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war."
+Give me enough medals, and I'll win any war.
 		-- Napolean
 %
 Give me libertines or give me meth.
@@ -20432,14 +19832,11 @@ Gnagloot, n.:
 impress people.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
-Go ahead... make my day.
-		-- Dirty Harry
-%
 Go ahead, make my day.
-		-- Harry Callahan
+		-- (Dirty) Harry Callahan
 %
 Go away, I'm all right.
-		-- H. G. Wells' last words.
+		-- H. G. Wells' last words
 %
 Go away! Stop bothering me with all your
 "compute this ... compute that"!  I'm taking a VAX-NAP.
@@ -20502,14 +19899,11 @@ Woman was God's second mistake.
 God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six
 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
 %
-God doesn't play dice.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 God gave man two ears and one tongue so
 that we listen twice as much as we speak.
 		-- Arab proverb
 %
-"God gives burdens; also shoulders"
+"God gives burdens; also shoulders."
 
 Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the
 end of the 1980 election.  At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I
@@ -20567,8 +19961,6 @@ God is love, but get it in writing.
 God is not dead.  He is alive and well and working on a
 much less ambitious project.
 %
-God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing Bibles at Cody's!
-%
 God is real, unless declared integer.
 %
 God is really only another artist.  He invented the giraffe, the
@@ -20581,16 +19973,11 @@ God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
 %
 God isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
 %
-God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
-%
 God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
 		-- Paul Valery
 %
 God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
 %
-God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board
-		-- Mark Twain
-%
 God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
 		-- Kronecker
 %
@@ -20722,8 +20109,6 @@ at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January 11th, nineteen hundred
 ninety-five.  My supervisor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a
 song.  If you would like, I could sing it for you.
 %
-Good, fast, and cheap.  Choose any two.
-%
 Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
 %
 Good government never depends upon laws, but upon the personal qualities of
@@ -20734,8 +20119,8 @@ government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
 %
 "Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
 %
-Good judgement comes from experience.
-Experience comes from bad judgement.
+Good judgment comes from experience.
+Experience comes from bad judgment.
 		-- Jim Horning
 %
 Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
@@ -20779,7 +20164,7 @@ holy words, "Heil Hitler!"
 %
 Gordon's first law:
 	If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing
-well.
+	well.
 %
 Gordon's Law:
 	If you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased.
@@ -20827,7 +20212,7 @@ Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
 %
 Goto, n.:
 	A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
-to complain about unstructured programmers.
+	to complain about unstructured programmers.
 		-- Ray Simard
 %
 Gourmet, n:
@@ -21085,7 +20470,7 @@ and proceed to get very drunk while sporadically rending the following ditty:
 
 All take a drink (important!)
 %
-Hackers are just a migratory lifeform with a tropism for computers.
+Hackers are just a migratory life form with a tropism for computers.
 %
 Hacker's Guide To Cooking:
 2 pkg. cream cheese (the mushy white stuff in silver wrappings that doesn't
@@ -21122,7 +20507,7 @@ Hacker's Quicky #313:
 %
 Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
 %
-"Had he and I but met
+Had he and I but met
 By some old ancient inn,		But ranged as infantry,
 We should have sat us down to wet	And staring face to face,
 Right many a nipperkin!			I shot at him as he at me,
@@ -21135,7 +20520,7 @@ That's clear enough; although		Was out of work -- had sold his traps
 Yes; quaint and curious war is!
 You shoot a fellow down
 You'd treat, if met where any bar is
-Or help to half-a-crown."
+Or help to half-a-crown.
 		-- Thomas Hardy
 %
 Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some
@@ -21178,22 +20563,7 @@ Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
 Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't,
 and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
 %
-Half-done:
-	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still
-crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference
-between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like
-the difference between life and death.
-	You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill
-there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the
-airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough
-Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on
-Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk
-about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
-man, "Let me have a nice half-done."
-	Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
-		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
-%
-half-done, n:
+Half-done, n.:
 	This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy,
 	light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this
 	and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the
@@ -21220,7 +20590,7 @@ Hall's Laws of Politics:
 %
 Hand, n.:
 	A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and
-commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
+	commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Handel's Proverb:
@@ -21272,7 +20642,7 @@ Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
 %
 Happiness, n.:
 	An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
-another.
+	another.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 happiness, n:
@@ -21400,7 +20770,7 @@ Harvard Law:
 HARVARD:
 Quarterback:
 	Sophomore Dave Strewzinski... likes to pass.  And pass he does, with
-a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays....  Though Strewzinksi
+a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays....  Though Strewzinski
 has so far failed to score any points for the Crimson, his jackrabbit speed
 has made him the least sacked quarterback in the Ivy league.
 Wide Receiver:
@@ -21422,9 +20792,9 @@ coin toss.
 %
 Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?
 %
-"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
-"Yes; I don't have one."
-"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
+	"Has anyone had problems with the computer accounts?"
+	"Yes; I don't have one."
+	"Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
 		-- E. D'Azevedo, CS, University of Washington
 %
 Has everyone noticed that all the letters of the word "database" are typed
@@ -21436,7 +20806,7 @@ but a lot harder than it appears.
 Has the great art and mystery of politics no apparent utility? Does it
 appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down,
 and its salient virtuosi a gang of unmitigated scoundrels?  Then let us
-not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its
+not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickle the midriff, its
 incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
 		-- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
 %
@@ -21461,7 +20831,7 @@ unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.
 %
 Hatred, n.:
 	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's
-superiority.
+	superiority.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Have a coke and a smile!
@@ -21520,19 +20890,10 @@ Have you ever noticed that the people who are always trying
 to tell you `there's a time for work and a time for play'
 never find the time for play?
 %
-Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?  Besides drugs,
-I mean.  The answer is hot tubs.  A hot tub is a redwood container
-filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite
-sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse.  After a few hours in
-their hot tubs, Californians don't give a damn about earthquakes or
-mass murderers.  They don't give a damn about anything , which is why
-they are able to produce "Laverne and Shirley" week after week.
-		-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
-%
 Have you flogged your kid today?
 %
-"Have you lived here all your life?"
-"Oh, twice that long."
+	"Have you lived here all your life?"
+	"Oh, twice that long."
 %
 Have you locked your file cabinet?
 %
@@ -21612,8 +20973,8 @@ the traditional keg of brandy strapped to his collar.
 	"At last," cried Sam, "man's best friend -- and a great big
 dog, too!"
 %
-"Hawk, we're going to die."
-"Never say die... and certainly never say we."
+	"Hawk, we're going to die."
+	"Never say die... and certainly never say we."
 		-- M*A*S*H
 %
 Hawkeye's Conclusion:
@@ -21632,16 +20993,16 @@ SHE:	What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
 		-- Walt Kelley
 %
 He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
-		-- S. Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
+He did decide, though, that with more time and a great deal of mental
 effort, he could probably turn the activity into an acceptable
-perversion."
+perversion.
 		-- Mick Farren, "When Gravity Fails"
 %
 He didn't run for reelection.  "Politics brings you into contact with all
 the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."
-		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegone Days"
+		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
 %
 He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
@@ -21650,7 +21011,7 @@ He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
 finer than the staple of his argument.
 		-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
 %
-"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions"
+He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
 %
 He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
 %
@@ -21714,8 +21075,6 @@ He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.
 He laughs at every joke three times... once when it's told,
 once when it's explained, and once when he understands it.
 %
-He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
-%
 He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
 		-- Ring Lardner
 %
@@ -21745,7 +21104,7 @@ had fallen to the ground.
 		-- Goethe's Faust
 %
 [He] played the King as if afraid someone else might play the ace.
-		-- Unattributed review of a performance of King Lear.
+		-- Unattributed review of a performance of King Lear
 
 My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
 		-- Peter Stack, movie review
@@ -21764,7 +21123,7 @@ He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
 		-- J. R. R. Tolkien
 %
 He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
-		-- Scottish proverb.
+		-- Scottish proverb
 %
 He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
 		-- Ben Franklin
@@ -21810,8 +21169,8 @@ told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven -- with a gun."
 He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
 		-- Jonathon Swift
 %
-"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him
-insufferable."
+He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him
+insufferable.
 %
 He was part of my dream, of course --
 but then I was part of his dream too.
@@ -21884,7 +21243,7 @@ encounter many rivals.
 %
 He who is intoxicated with wine will be sober again in the course of the
 night, but he who is intoxicated by the cupbearer will not recover his
-senses until the day of judgement.
+senses until the day of judgment.
 		-- Saadi
 %
 He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
@@ -21913,14 +21272,10 @@ He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.
 %
 He who laughs last -- missed the punch line.
 %
-He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
-%
 He who laughs last hasn't been told the terrible truth.
 %
 He who laughs last is probably your boss.
 %
-He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
-%
 He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
 %
 He who laughs, lasts.
@@ -21971,10 +21326,6 @@ lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
 		-- Redd Foxx
 %
 Hear about...
-	the absent minded sculptor who put his model to bed and
-	started chiseling on his wife?
-%
-Hear about...
 	the fellow who, upon being told by his shrewish wife that she
 	would dance on his grave, promptly provided for a burial at sea?
 %
@@ -21984,7 +21335,7 @@ Hear about...
 	up a chopped libber?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the guru who refused Novocain while having a tooth pulled because
+	the guru who refused Novocaine while having a tooth pulled because
 	he wanted to transcend dental medication?
 %
 Hear about...
@@ -21997,11 +21348,13 @@ Hear about...
 	company -- the photocopier got drunk and tried to undo the
 	typewriter's ribbon?
 %
-Hear about the Californian terrorist that tried to blow up a bus?
-Burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
+Hear about...
+	the Californian terrorist that tried to blow up a bus?
+	Burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
 %
-Hear about the young Chinese woman who just won the lottery?
-One fortunate cookie...
+Hear about...
+	the young Chinese woman who just won the lottery?
+	One fortunate cookie...
 %
 Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad.
 From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.
@@ -22020,8 +21373,8 @@ on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.
 %
 Heaven, n.:
 	A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of
-their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you
-expound your own.
+	their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention
+	while you expound your own.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.
@@ -22034,7 +21387,7 @@ Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
 %
 Heisenberg may have been here.
 %
-"Heisenberg may have slept here"
+Heisenberg may have slept here.
 %
 Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
 		-- Milton Friedman
@@ -22082,8 +21435,6 @@ Hell's broken loose.
 %
 Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
 %
-Help!  I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
-%
 HELP!  Man trapped in a human body!
 %
 HELP!  MY TYPEWRITER IS BROKEN!
@@ -22093,7 +21444,7 @@ Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
 %
 Help fight continental drift.
 %
-HELP!!!! I'm being held prisoner in /usr/games/lib!
+HELP!!!! I'm being held prisoner in /usr/share/games/fortune/!
 %
 Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
 %
@@ -22219,25 +21570,12 @@ Here there by tygers.
 HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake.  Straddle a big crack in
 the earth and if it opens wider, go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flap your arms
 around as if you're going to fall.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a headline like
 `Psychic Wins Lottery.'
 		-- Jay Leno
 %
-Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
-King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
-
-	* Governmental offices
-	* Post offices
-	* Libraries
-	* Schools
-	* Banks
-	* Parts of Palm Beach
-
-and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
-		-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
-%
 Herth's Law:
 	He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.
 %
@@ -22263,7 +21601,7 @@ his opinion.  It's up to you to cast it into a void or not.
 He's the kind of guy, that, well, if you were ever in a jam he'd
 be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
 %
-"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
+He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is.
 %
 Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.
 If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
@@ -22273,9 +21611,6 @@ Hewett's Observation:
 	her position in the governmental hierarchy and to the number of
 	peers similarly engaged.
 %
-"Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
-		-- W. C. Fields
-%
 Hey, diddle, diddle the overflow pdl
 To get a little more stack;
 If that's not enough then you lose it all
@@ -22289,12 +21624,12 @@ HEY KIDS!  ANN LANDERS SAYS:
 	tell a lie.  Millions of hearts have been broken, just because
 	these words were spoken.
 %
-"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?"
-"Whattaya need?"
-"Oh, about $500."
-"Whattaya got for collateral?"
-"Whattaya need?"
-"How about an eye?"
+	"Hey, Sam, how about a loan?"
+	"Whattaya need?"
+	"Oh, about $500."
+	"Whattaya got for collateral?"
+	"Whattaya need?"
+	"How about an eye?"
 		-- Sam Giancana
 %
 Hey, what do you expect from a culture that
@@ -22331,7 +21666,7 @@ Sir, how may I ask you a question?
 Sir, may I ask nine questions?
 	(go right ahead...)
 %
-"Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.
+Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.
 As you can see by my suit and the fact that I have all these books of
 equal height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.
 Do you have a car or a job?  Do you ever walk around?  If so, you
@@ -22340,8 +21675,8 @@ course every case is different, I would definitely say that based on my
 experience and training, there's no reason why you shouldn't come out
 of this thing with at least a cabin cruiser.
 
-"Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
-motto is:  'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'"
+Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
+motto is:  "It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Pain and Suffering"
 %
 Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.
@@ -22431,10 +21766,10 @@ Hindsight is an exact science.
 %
 Hippogriff, n.:
 	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
-The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle.
-The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter eagle, which
-is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study of zoology is full
-of surprises.
+	The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half
+	eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter
+	eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.  The study
+	of zoology is full of surprises.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Hire the morally handicapped.
@@ -22446,8 +21781,8 @@ a lady of her fortune by way of marriage.
 ...his disciples lead him in; he just does the rest.
 		-- Tommy
 %
-"His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was falling
-outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew..."
+His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was falling
+outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew...
 %
 His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god.  He preferred
 to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam.  He never
@@ -22463,8 +21798,8 @@ rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.
 Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...
 		-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"
 %
-"His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
-money, he went to Southern California."
+His great aim was to escape from civilization, and, as soon as he had
+money, he went to Southern California.
 %
 His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
 %
@@ -22494,10 +21829,6 @@ shot, except Hildago, because he was a priest.  He was handed over to
 the bishop of Durango who excommunicated him and returned him to the
 army where he was then executed."
 %
-History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion --
-i.e. none to speak of.
-		-- Lazarus Long
-%
 History is curious stuff
 	You'd think by now we had enough
 Yet the fact remains I fear
@@ -22559,11 +21890,10 @@ Hlade's Law:
 	If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
 	they will find an easier way to do it.
 %
-"Hmm, lots of people seem to be confused about the difference between
-amd64 and ia64."
-
-"Obviously they've never had an ia64 drop on their foot.  They'd know
-the difference then."
+	"Hmm, lots of people seem to be confused about the difference
+between amd64 and ia64."
+	"Obviously they've never had an ia64 drop on their foot.  They'd
+know the difference then."
 		-- Peter Wemm explains CPU architecture
 %
 Hoaars-Faisse Gallery presents:
@@ -22656,7 +21986,7 @@ Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
 Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.
 		-- Plato
 %
-"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"
+Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
 %
 Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
 		-- F. M. Hubbard
@@ -22676,8 +22006,8 @@ Honk if you love peace and quiet.
 %
 Honorable, adj.:
 	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
-bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the
-honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
+	bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as,
+	"the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
@@ -22803,13 +22133,13 @@ I wish I could tell you how it is in that dark,
 standing in the huge singing and the alien world.
 		-- Jack Gilbert, "Don Giovanni on his way to Hell"
 %
-"How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows."
+How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
 %
 How do you explain school to a higher intelligence?
 		-- Elliot, "E.T."
 %
-"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded.  "And why were you afraid
-to let her touch you?  I saw you.  You were afraid of her."
+	"How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded.  "And why
+were you afraid to let her touch you?  I saw you.  You were afraid of her."
 	"I doubt that I will feel like talking for very long," the cat
 replied without rancor.  "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
 you.  As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be
@@ -22852,14 +22182,8 @@ How kind of you to be willing to live someone's life for them.
 How many "coming men" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
 		-- Sir Arthur Wing Pinero
 %
-How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
-None: "We'll fix it in software."
-
 How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None: "We'll document it in the manual."
-
-How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
-None: "The user can work it out."
 %
 "How many hors d'oeuvres you are allowed to take off a tray being
 carried by a waiter at a nice party?"
@@ -23017,7 +22341,7 @@ Uncles and Wickersham Cousins and Wickersham In-Laws, whose help I've engaged,
 You're going to be roped!  And you're going to be caged!  And, as for your
 dust speck...  Hah! That we shall boil in a hot steaming kettle of Beezle-But
 oil!"
-		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
+		-- Dr. Seuss, "Horton Hears a Who"
 %
 Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!
@@ -23145,11 +22469,11 @@ limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.
 I am an optimist.  It does not seem too much use being anything else.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
-"I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder
+I am convinced that the manufacturers of carpet odor removing powder
 have included encapsulated time released cat urine in their products.
 This technology must be what prevented its distribution during my mom's
 reign.  My carpet smells like piss, and I don't have a cat.  Better go
-buy some more."
+buy some more.
 		-- timw@zeb.USWest.COM
 %
 I am convinced that the truest act of courage is to sacrifice ourselves
@@ -23170,11 +22494,11 @@ I just think about it.  I just went to an art museum where all of the art
 was done by children.  All the paintings were hung on refrigerators.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
+I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person,
 of pre-Adamite ancestral descent.  You will understand this when I tell
 you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial
 atomic globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something
-inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering."
+inconceivable.  I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
 		-- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan
 %
 I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.
@@ -23205,7 +22529,7 @@ I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
 I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party.
 		-- Dennis Ritchie
 %
-"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
+I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.
 		-- English Professor
 %
 I am of the belief that catnip arrived on the planet in the same spaceship
@@ -23249,10 +22573,10 @@ loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
 		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
 		   University of Tennessee at Knoxville
 %
-"I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
+I argue very well.  Ask any of my remaining friends.  I can win an
 argument on any topic, against any opponent.  People know this, and
 steer clear of me at parties.  Often, as a sign of their great respect,
-they don't even invite me."
+they don't even invite me.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 I asked the engineer who designed the communication terminal's keyboards
@@ -23326,21 +22650,18 @@ I bet the human brain is a kludge.
 %
 I BET WHAT HAPPENED was they discovered fire and invented the wheel on
 the same day.  Then that night, they burned the wheel.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always
 end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows."  Then they would get
 embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and
 they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I bet you have fun chasing the soap around the bathtub.
 		-- Princess Diana, to a one-armed war veteran during
 		   a visit to a London veterans hospital
 %
-I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 I brake for chezlogs!
 %
 I braved the contempt of my friends last week and ventured out to see
@@ -23395,9 +22716,9 @@ I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 %
 I can relate to that.
 %
-"I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
+I can remember when a good politician had to be 75 percent ability and
 25 percent actor, but I can well see the day when the reverse could be
-true."
+true.
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
 I can resist anything but temptation.
@@ -23469,7 +22790,7 @@ I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies and I'm Blue All the Time
 		-- proposed Country-Western song titles from "Wordplay"
 %
 I can't mate in captivity.
-		-- Gloria Steinem, on why she has never married.
+		-- Gloria Steinem, on why she has never married
 %
 I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along."
 It isn't that I can't toddle.  It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
@@ -23499,7 +22820,7 @@ I'm frightened of the old ones.
 I collect rare photographs...  I have two...  One of Houdini locking his
 keys in his car...  the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating
 up a child.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I come from a small town whose population never changed.  Each time
 a woman got pregnant, someone left town.
@@ -23542,7 +22863,7 @@ But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
 %
 I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
 %
-"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
+I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
 %
 I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
 The curtain was up.
@@ -23621,8 +22942,8 @@ tiresome.
 I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.
 		-- Salvador Dali
 %
-"I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
-don't believe in astrology."
+I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians
+don't believe in astrology.
 		-- James R. F. Quirk
 %
 I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
@@ -23644,8 +22965,8 @@ I don't care what star you're following, get that camel off my front lawn!
 I don't care where I sit as long as I get fed.
 		-- Calvin Trillin
 %
-"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
-nominating"
+I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
+nominating.
 		-- Boss Tweed
 %
 I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't
@@ -23718,7 +23039,7 @@ I don't mind arguing with myself.
 It's when I lose that it bothers me.
 		-- Richard Powers
 %
-"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
+I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
 		-- Ronald Mabbitt
 %
 I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
@@ -23734,7 +23055,7 @@ All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall.
 All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall.
 		-- Pink Floyd, "Another Brick in the Wall", Part III
 %
-"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"
+I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
 %
 I don't remember it, but I have it written down.
 %
@@ -23745,7 +23066,7 @@ he starts to practice law.
 %
 I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets
 fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 "I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes.  Just then, he vanished.
 %
@@ -23799,10 +23120,10 @@ I dote on his very absence.
 %
 I doubt, therefore I might be.
 %
-"I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
+I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
 on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
 he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
-becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
+becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
 I drink to make other people interesting.
@@ -23834,13 +23155,13 @@ I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
 		-- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd
 		   just shot.
 %
-"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
+I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words.
 %
 I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
 		-- Augustus Caesar
 %
-"I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
-reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment."
+I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very
+reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.
 		-- Gotama Buddha
 %
 I gave my love an Apple, that had no core;
@@ -23858,7 +23179,7 @@ A building that's perfect, it has no flaw!
 A program with GOTOs, it has no end!
 I lied about the upgrade, with no cryin'!
 %
-I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *__________horrifying* 20
+I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex.  It was the most *_h_o_r_r_i_f_y_i_n_g* 20
 minutes of my life!
 %
 I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
@@ -23887,22 +23208,25 @@ I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
 I go the way that Providence dictates.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
 %
-"I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
-pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?'  He
-said, 'Phoenix.'  So I pushed Phoenix.  A few seconds later the doors
-opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix.  I looked
-at him and said 'You know, you're the kind of guy I want to hang around
-with.'  We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert.
-Then the phone rang.  He said 'You get it.'  I picked it up and said
-'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...'
-The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank...
-It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the university you
-attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we
-would just like to know what happened to the money?'  I said, 'Mr. Jones,
-I'll give it to you straight.  I gave all of the money to my friend Slick,
-and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it you never
-called me again."
-		-- Stephen Wright
+	I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me.
+I pushed "1" and he just stood there.  I said "Hi, where you going?"
+	He said, "Phoenix."  So I pushed Phoenix.  A few seconds later
+the doors opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix.
+	I looked at him and said "You know, you're the kind of guy I
+want to hang around with."  We got into his car and drove out to his
+shack in the desert.
+	Then the phone rang.  He said "You get it."
+	I picked it up and said "Hello?"
+	The other side said "Is this Steven Wright?"
+	I said "Yes..."
+	The guy said "Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from
+your bank.  It seems you have missed your last 17 payments, and the
+university you attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we
+loaned you.  We would just like to know what happened to the money?"
+	I said, "Mr. Jones, I'll give it to you straight.  I gave all
+of the money to my friend Slick, and with it he built a nuclear weapon...
+and I would appreciate it you never called me again."
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.  Now
 when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and
@@ -23936,12 +23260,12 @@ human emotions which is freaking out.  Another emotion is greed, as when
 you kill someone for money or something like that.  Another emotion is
 generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid
 puppet.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I GUESS I'LL NEVER FORGET HER.  And maybe I don't want to.  Her spirit
 was wild, like a wild monkey.  Her beauty was like a beautiful horse
 being ridden by a wild monkey.  I forget her other qualities.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I guess I've been so wrapped up in playing the game that I never took
 time enough to figure out where the goal line was -- what it meant to
@@ -23955,14 +23279,14 @@ other people...  Certainty is just an emotion.
 I GUESS OF ALL MY UNCLES, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him
 Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat
 one of us.  Later, we found out he was a bear.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I guess the Little League is even littler than we thought.
 		-- D. Cavett
 %
 I GUESS WE WERE ALL GUILTY, in a way.  We shot him, we skinned him, and
 we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I had a dream last night...
 I dreamt about 1976.
@@ -24008,8 +23332,8 @@ I had the rare misfortune of being one of the first people to try and
 implement a PL/1 compiler.
 		-- T. Cheatham
 %
-"I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
-Moore show I heard the word 'damn'!"
+I had to censor everything my sons watched ... even on the Mary Tyler
+Moore show I heard the word "damn!"
 		-- Mary Lou Bax
 %
 I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
@@ -24048,12 +23372,12 @@ of mine on the street the other day.  He said why don't you give me a
 call.  I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone
 doesn't have a five.  He asked how long had it been that way.  I said I
 didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
-		-- S. Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I have a dog; I named him Stay.  So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here,
 Stay, here..." but he got wise to that.  Now when I call him he ignores me
 and just keeps on typing.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I have a dream.  I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
 the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
@@ -24063,10 +23387,10 @@ sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
 I have a friend whose a billionaire.  He invented Cliff's notes.  When
 I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I...
 I just... to make a long story short..."
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I have a hard time being attracted to anyone who can beat me up.
-		-- John McGrath, Atlanta sportswriter, on women weightlifters.
+		-- John McGrath, Atlanta sportswriter, on women weightlifters
 %
 I have a hobby.  I have the world's largest collection of sea shells.
 I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.  Maybe you've seen
@@ -24092,25 +23416,18 @@ People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
 I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
 		-- Richard Diran
 %
-I have a simple philosophy:
-
-	Fill what's empty.
-	Empty what's full.
-	Scratch where it itches.
-		-- A. R. Longworth
-%
 I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.  Every once
 in a while I turn it on and off.  On and off.  On and off.  One day I
 got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!"
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-I have a terrible headache,  I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
+I have a terrible headache, I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
 %
 I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything,
 but I can't prove it.
 %
-"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
-any time!"
+I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
+any time!
 %
 I have a very small mind and must live with it.
 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
@@ -24177,13 +23494,13 @@ I have just had eighteen whiskeys in a row.
 I do believe that is a record.
 		-- Dylan Thomas, his last words
 %
-"I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
+I have just read your lousy review buried in the back pages.  You
 sound like a frustrated old man who never made a success, an
 eight-ulcer man on a four-ulcer job, and all four ulcers working.  I
 have never met you, but if I do you'll need a new nose and plenty of
 beefsteak and perhaps a supporter below.  Westbrook Pegler, a
 guttersnipe, is a gentleman compared to you.  You can take that as more
-of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry."
+of an insult than as a reflection on your ancestry.
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
 I have learned silence from the talkative,
@@ -24215,7 +23532,7 @@ because I lack the time to make it shorter.
 I have more hit points that you can possible imagine.
 %
 I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole
-____BODY!
+_B_O_D_Y!
 		-- from "Cerebus" #82
 %
 I have never been one to sacrifice
@@ -24226,7 +23543,7 @@ I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
-		-- Rob Pike, on X.
+		-- Rob Pike, on X
 
 Steve Jobs said two years ago that X is brain-damaged and it will be
 gone in two years.  He was half right.
@@ -24277,7 +23594,7 @@ advantage to myself.  But, notwithstanding the sacrifice of these advantages
 for the purpose of maturing an engine of almost intellectual power, and
 after expending from my own private fortune a larger sum than the government
 of England has spent on that machine, the execution of which it only
-commenced, I have received neither an acknowledgement of my labors, not even
+commenced, I have received neither an acknowledgment of my labors, nor even
 the offer of those honors or rewards which are allowed to fall within the
 reach of men who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations...
 	If the work upon which I have bestowed so much time and thought were
@@ -24297,7 +23614,7 @@ In fact, there is no reason why mental as well as bodily labor should not
 be economized by the aid of machinery.
 		-- Charles Babbage, "The Life of a Philosopher"
 %
-"I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer."
+I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
@@ -24309,11 +23626,7 @@ I'm hungry.
 I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it
-scattered around the beaches of the world ... Perhaps you've seen it.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
-"I have to convince you, or at least snow you ..."
+I have to convince you, or at least snow you ...
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
 I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.
@@ -24327,11 +23640,6 @@ authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
 		   editor who had recommended a manuscript on the new
 		   science of data processing), c. 1957
 %
-"I have two very rare photographs: one is a picture of Houdini locking
-his keys in his car; the other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell
-beating up a child."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
 		-- John D. Rockefeller
 %
@@ -24386,7 +23694,7 @@ ever needed one.  Needless to say, I readily agreed.
 %
 I just got out of the hospital after a
 speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.
-		-- S. Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
 		-- Casey Stengel
@@ -24394,9 +23702,9 @@ I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
 I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
 		-- Bill Hoest
 %
-"I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
-"Did you ever see a doctor?"
-"No, just spots."
+	"I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
+	"Did you ever see a doctor?"
+	"No, just spots."
 %
 I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
 I haven't had time for tobacco since.
@@ -24445,11 +23753,11 @@ I know what "custody" [of the children] means.  "Get even."  That's all
 custody means.  Get even with your old lady.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
 %
-"I know what you're thinking -- `Did he fire six shots or only five?'
+I know what you're thinking -- "Did he fire six shots or only five?"
 Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track
 myself.  But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the
 world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself
-one question: `Do I feel lucky?'  Well, do you, punk?"
+one question: "Do I feel lucky?"  Well, do you, punk?
 		-- Harry Callahan, badge #2211
 %
 I know you believe you understand what you think this fortune says,
@@ -24504,7 +23812,7 @@ I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
 		-- Art Leo
 %
 I like myself, but I won't say I'm as handsome as the bull
-that kidnapped Europa.
+that kidnaped Europa.
 		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero
 %
 I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
@@ -24513,8 +23821,6 @@ peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
 the way and let them have it.
 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
 %
-"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours."
-%
 I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
 %
 I like young girls.  Their stories are shorter.
@@ -24549,17 +23855,17 @@ I love mankind ... It's people I hate.
 I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
-"I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
-entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils."
+I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour!  This is what
+entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.
 		-- Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson
 %
 I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
 		-- Robert Duval, "Apocalypse Now"
 %
-"I love to eat them Smurfies
- Smurfies what I love to eat
- Bite they ugly heads off,
- Nibble on they bluish feet."
+I love to eat them Smurfies
+Smurfies what I love to eat
+Bite they ugly heads off,
+Nibble on they bluish feet.
 %
 I love treason but hate a traitor.
 		-- Gaius Julius Caesar
@@ -24579,9 +23885,9 @@ irresistible.
 I married beneath me.  All women do.
 		-- Lady Nancy Astor
 %
-"I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
+I may appear to be just sitting here like a bucket of tapioca, but
 don't let appearances fool you.  I'm approaching old age ... at the
-speed of light."
+speed of light.
 		-- Prof. Cosmo Fishhawk
 %
 I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
@@ -24710,7 +24016,7 @@ I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
 I only know what I read in the papers.
 		-- Will Rogers
 %
-"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
+I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!
 		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
 %
 I opened the drawer of my little desk and a single letter fell out, a
@@ -24732,8 +24038,6 @@ toilet seat.
 I owe the public nothing.
 		-- J. P. Morgan
 %
-I own my own body, but I share.
-%
 I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as
 the greatest of dangers to be feared.  To preserve our independence, we must
 not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.  If we run into such debts, we
@@ -24743,13 +24047,13 @@ wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they
 will be happy.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
-"I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
+I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the
 kind of name that was popular in the '60s as a result of controlled
 substances being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no
 restrictions, in terms of talent, on who could make an album, so we
 made one, and it sounds like a group of people who have been given
 powerful but unfamiliar instruments as a therapy for a degenerative
-nerve disease."
+nerve disease.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Snake"
 %
 I pledge allegiance to the flag
@@ -24762,7 +24066,7 @@ and justice for all.
 		-- Francis Bellamy, 1892
 %
 I poured spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
-		-- S. Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
 %
@@ -24780,10 +24084,7 @@ I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
 %
 I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
 on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
-I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of
 tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for:  If
@@ -24825,13 +24126,6 @@ write about, such as nose-picking.
 		-- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
 		   Political Fallout"
 %
-I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
-Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
-trucks.  But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to
-go before they reach the level of intensity and dedication to sports
-that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
-%
 I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.
 		-- Marilyn Chambers
 %
@@ -24845,13 +24139,6 @@ who, reading newspapers, live and die in the belief that they have known
 something of what has been passing in their time.
 		-- Harry S. Truman
 %
-I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the
-wall that didn't do anything... so anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just
-flick that switch up and down... up and down... up and down...
-Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany... it just said
-"Cut it out."
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the
 reader.  But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if
 I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.
@@ -24869,7 +24156,7 @@ the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to
 invade your privacy, but I have a bet with a friend of mine.  Who composed
 the opening theme music of 'Omnibus'?  My friend said Virgil Thomson."  I
 asked him, "What do you say?" He replied, "I say Aaron Copeland." I said,
-"You're right."  The porter said,  "I knew Thomson doesn't write counterpoint
+"You're right."  The porter said, "I knew Thomson doesn't write counterpoint
 that way."  I told that to a network president, and he was deeply unimpressed.
 		-- Alistair Cooke
 %
@@ -24900,10 +24187,10 @@ countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere
 if they don't get it.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-"I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5."
-He said,"What you need is to grow up, son."
-I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old,
-And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun."
+	I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5."
+	He said, "What you need is to grow up, son."
+	I said, "Growin' up leads to growin' old, And then to dying, and
+to me that don't sound like much fun.
 		-- John Cougar, "The Authority Song"
 %
 I sat down beside her, said hello, offered to buy her a drink...
@@ -24920,7 +24207,7 @@ and ran on.
 		-- Stephen Crane
 %
 I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I saw Lassie.  It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid
 never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that
@@ -25023,9 +24310,6 @@ I sometimes think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his
 ability.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 I steal.
 		-- Sam Giancana, explaining his livelihood to his draft board
 
@@ -25070,18 +24354,18 @@ I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving
 are worth considering, to wit:
 
 [110.13]:
-       "When traveling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not
-        to interfere with oncoming traffic."
+	"When traveling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not
+	to interfere with oncoming traffic."
 
 [22.17b]:
-       "Learning to change lanes takes time and patience.  The best
-        recommendation that can be made is to go to a Celtics [basketball]
-        game; study the fast break and then go out and practice it
-        on the highway."
+	"Learning to change lanes takes time and patience.  The best
+	recommendation that can be made is to go to a Celtics [basketball]
+	game; study the fast break and then go out and practice it
+	on the highway."
 
 [41.16]:
-       "Never bump a baby carriage out of a crosswalk unless the kid's really
-        asking for it."
+	"Never bump a baby carriage out of a crosswalk unless the kid's really
+	asking for it."
 %
 I suppose some of the variation between Boston drivers and the rest of the
 country is due to the progressive Massachusetts Driver Education Manual which
@@ -25089,18 +24373,18 @@ I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving
 are worth considering, to wit:
 
 [131.16d]:
-       "Directional signals are generally not used except during vehicle
-        inspection; however, a left-turn signal is appropriate when making
-        a U-turn on a divided highway."
+	"Directional signals are generally not used except during vehicle
+	inspection; however, a left-turn signal is appropriate when making
+	a U-turn on a divided highway."
 
 [96.7b]:
-       "When paying tolls, remember that it is necessary to release the
-        quarter a full 3 seconds before passing the basket if you are
-        traveling more than 60 MPH."
+	"When paying tolls, remember that it is necessary to release the
+	quarter a full 3 seconds before passing the basket if you are
+	traveling more than 60 MPH."
 
 [110.13]:
-       "When traveling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not
-        to interfere with oncoming traffic."
+	"When traveling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not
+	to interfere with oncoming traffic."
 %
 I suppose some of the variation between Boston drivers and the rest of the
 country is due to the progressive Massachusetts Driver Education Manual which
@@ -25109,22 +24393,22 @@ are worth considering, to wit:
 
 [173.15b]:
 	"When competing for a section of road or a parking space, remember
-        that the vehicle in need of the most body work has the right-of-way."
+	that the vehicle in need of the most body work has the right-of-way."
 
 [141.2a]:
-       "Although it is altogether possible to fit a 6' car into a 6'
-        parking space, it is hardly ever possible to fit a 6' car into
-        a 5' parking space."
+	"Although it is altogether possible to fit a 6' car into a 6'
+	parking space, it is hardly ever possible to fit a 6' car into
+	a 5' parking space."
 
 [105.31]:
-       "Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive accordingly.
-        Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation to prove them wrong."
+	"Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive accordingly.
+	Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation to prove them wrong."
 %
 I suppose that in a few hours I will sober up. That's such a sad
 thought. I think I'll have a few more drinks to prepare myself.
 %
-"I suppose you expect me to talk."
-"No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."
+	"I suppose you expect me to talk."
+	"No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."
 		-- Goldfinger
 %
 I tell them to turn to the study of mathematics, for it
@@ -25159,14 +24443,9 @@ I think a relationship is like a shark.  It has to constantly move forward
 or it dies.  Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of
-being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being
-sick and tired.  I'm certainly not!  But I'm sick and tired of being told
-that I am!
-		-- Monty Python
-%
-"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
-"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products."
+	"I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
+	"Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of
+dairy products."
 		-- The Life of Brian
 %
 I think I'll snatch a kiss and flee.
@@ -25175,14 +24454,14 @@ I think I'll snatch a kiss and flee.
 I think I'm schizophrenic.  One half of me's
 paranoid and the other half's out to get him.
 %
-"I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
-because I couldn't remember the proof."
+I think it is true for all _n. I was just playing it safe with _n >= 3
+because I couldn't remember the proof.
 		-- Baker, Pure Math 351a
 %
 I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
-"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it."
+I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
 %
 I think she must have been very strictly brought up, she's so
 desperately anxious to do the wrong thing correctly.
@@ -25225,7 +24504,7 @@ Came and chopped the trees all down.
 But I will trick those dirty skunks
 And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
 %
-"I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
+I think the sky is blue because it's a shift from black through purple
 to blue, and it has to do with where the light is.  You know, the
 farther we get into darkness, and there's a shifting of color of light
 into the blueness, and I think as you go farther and farther away from
@@ -25233,7 +24512,7 @@ the reflected light we have from the sun or the light that's bouncing
 off this earth, uh, the darker it gets ... I think if you look at the
 color scale, you start at black, move it through purple, move it on
 out, it's the shifting of color.  We mentioned before about the stars
-singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors."
+singing, and that's one of the effects of the shifting of colors.
 		-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club
 %
 I think the world is ready for the story of an ugly duckling, who grew up to
@@ -25251,7 +24530,7 @@ I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect."
 I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone
 say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer
 effect."
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I think, therefore I am... I think.
 %
@@ -25260,7 +24539,7 @@ I think there's a world market for about five computers.
 %
 I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for
 paneling.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I think we are in Rats Alley where the dead men lost their bones.
 		-- T. S. Eliot
@@ -25315,8 +24594,8 @@ working for scale.
 %
 I thought YOU silenced the guard!
 %
-"I thought you were trying to get into shape."
-"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
+	"I thought you were trying to get into shape."
+	"I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle."
 %
 I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle
 of the page, and I was able to go through "War and Peace" in twenty minutes.
@@ -25351,10 +24630,10 @@ I never have to go upstairs.
 
 I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in
 front of it in only eight minutes.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I understand why you're confused.  You're thinking too much.
-		-- Carole Wallach.
+		-- Carole Wallach
 %
 I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.
 		-- Woodrow Wilson
@@ -25411,9 +24690,9 @@ I was pulled over for speeding today.  The officer said, "Don't you know
 the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?"  And I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going
 to be out that long."
 
-I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the ond one out.  Now
+I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out.  Now
 my car goes 500 miles an hour.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I used to think I was a child; now I think I am an adult -- not because
 I no longer do childish things, but because those I call adults are no
@@ -25446,9 +24725,9 @@ I waited and waited and when no message came I knew it must be from you.
 I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
 %
-"I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St.
-Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR "HEE
-HAW"!!'"
+I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch "St.
+Elsewhere", won't scream, "FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR 'HEE
+HAW'!!"
 		-- Berke Breathed, "Bloom County"
 %
 I want to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
@@ -25481,11 +24760,11 @@ Wild horses kicked me in my side
 Then a rattlesnake bit me and he walked off and died.
 		-- Bo Diddley
 %
-"I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
+I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.  By accident I
 put the car key in the door lock.  The house started up.  So I figured
 what the hell, and drove it around the block a few times.  I thought I
 should go park it in the middle of the freeway and yell at everyone to
-get off my driveway."
+get off my driveway.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I was eatin' some chop suey,
@@ -25506,10 +24785,10 @@ I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
 She said, "How do you feel?" And I said, "You know when you're sitting on a
 chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so
 you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself?  I feel like
-that all the time..."
+that all the time."
 		-- Steven Wright, "Gentlemen's Quarterly"
 %
-I was in a beauty contest one.  I not only came in last, I was hit in
+I was in a beauty contest once.  I not only came in last, I was hit in
 the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
 		-- Phyllis Diller
 %
@@ -25530,7 +24809,7 @@ lengthy argument about what I considered an Odd number.
 %
 I was offered a job as a hoodlum and I turned it down cold.  A thief is
 anybody who gets out and works for his living, like robbing a bank or
-breaking into a place and stealing stuff, or kidnapping somebody.  He really
+breaking into a place and stealing stuff, or kidnaping somebody.  He really
 gives some effort to it.  A hoodlum is a pretty lousy sort of scum.  He
 works for gangsters and bumps guys off when they have been put on the spot.
 Why, after I'd made my rep, some of the Chicago Syndicate wanted me to work
@@ -25578,8 +24857,7 @@ Send lawyers, guns, and money,
 Dad, get me out of this.
 		-- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"
 %
-"I went into a general store, and they wouldn't sell me anything
-specific".
+I went into a general store ... they wouldn't sell me anything specific.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.
@@ -25610,7 +24888,7 @@ I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours.
 Great song.
 		-- Fred Reuss
 %
-"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
+I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked me if I had any
 questions , I said yes, just one, if you're in a car traveling at the
 speed of light and you turn your headlights on, does anything happen?
 
@@ -25618,14 +24896,6 @@ He said he couldn't answer that, I told him sorry, but I couldn't work
 for him then.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-I went to a place to eat. It said `BREAKFAST ANYTIME.'  So I ordered
-French toast during the Renaissance.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
-I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time."
-So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 I went to my first computer conference at the New York Hilton about 20
 years ago.  When somebody there predicted the market for microprocessors
 would eventually be in the millions, someone else said, "Where are they
@@ -25642,13 +24912,13 @@ I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career
 of a robber.
 		-- Tiburcio Vasquez
 %
-"I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
+I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint.  It was in
 the shape of a house.  I also bought some batteries, but they weren't
-included."
+included.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
-statues that are in all the other museums."
+I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the
+statues that are in all the other museums.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
@@ -25708,7 +24978,7 @@ we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
 %
 I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
 and Superman away.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I wish there was a knob on the TV where you could turn up the
 intelligence.  They've got one called brightness, but it doesn't
@@ -25786,11 +25056,6 @@ What I was fencing in
 And what I was fencing out.
 		-- Robert Frost
 %
-I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why: it is going
-to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind.
-In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.
-		-- Frank Zappa
-%
 I would much rather have men ask why
 I have no statue, than why I have one.
 		-- Marcus Procius Cato
@@ -25888,7 +25153,7 @@ I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
 I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
 above the ground.  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even
 feel it.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's working on now.
 %
@@ -25896,51 +25161,22 @@ I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
 whole field to private industry.
 		-- Joseph Heller
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
-to undo it."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I
-snore."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in
-`Y.'"
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my
-blender."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my
-garage door."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
-Julian to Gregorian."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for
-static cling."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm staying home to work on my
-cottage cheese sculpture."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing and now I've got
+to undo it.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I
+snore.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in
+"Y".
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma
-transplant."
+I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
+I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never
+came back.
 %
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never
-came back."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay
-tuned."
-%
-"I'd love to go out with you, but there are important world issues that
-need worrying about."
+I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay
+tuned.
 %
 I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
 		-- Bette Davis, "Cabin in the Cotton"
@@ -25953,7 +25189,7 @@ Yes life is fine when things combine,
 	Like ham in beef chow mein...
 But lord, this time I think I mind,
 	They've put acid in my rain.
-		      --- Milo Bloom
+		--- Milo Bloom
 %
 I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
 		-- Groucho Marx
@@ -25964,7 +25200,7 @@ Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had.
 %
 I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.
 %
-"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
+I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
 %
 I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
 		-- Fred Allen
@@ -25995,7 +25231,7 @@ stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
 %
 Idiot, n.:
 	A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human
-affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
+	affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 IDLENESS:
@@ -26003,10 +25239,10 @@ IDLENESS:
 %
 Idleness is the holiday of fools.
 %
-"If 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick
+If 10 years from now, when you are doing something quick
 and dirty, you suddenly visualize that I am looking over your
 shoulders and say to yourself, "Dijkstra would not have liked this",
-well that would be enough immortality for me."
+well that would be enough immortality for me.
 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
 %
 If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
@@ -26016,7 +25252,7 @@ If a 6600 used paper tape instead of core memory, it would use up tape
 at about 30 miles/second.
 		-- Grishman, Assembly Language Programming
 %
-"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
+If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far.
 		-- Paul White
 %
 If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast
@@ -26050,7 +25286,7 @@ is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.
 IF A KID ASKS YOU where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him
 is, "God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing
 to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 If a listener nods his head when you're
 explaining your program, wake him up.
@@ -26160,10 +25396,6 @@ If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
 platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
 that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.
 %
-If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end -- I
-wouldn't be a bit surprised.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 If all the seas were ink,
 And all the reeds were pens,
 And all the skies were parchment,
@@ -26218,15 +25450,10 @@ If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.
-%
 If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
 %
 If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
 %
-If at first you don't succeed, try again.  Then quit.
-No use being a damn fool about it.
-%
 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
 		-- W. E. Hickson
 %
@@ -26278,12 +25505,6 @@ serve us right.
 %
 If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
 %
-If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn't
-deserve to have any.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, reportedly while standing handcuffed in
-		   a driving rain, waiting for transport to prison upon
-		   his conviction for sodomy.
-%
 If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
 %
 If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other,
@@ -26337,9 +25558,6 @@ If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
 %
 If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
 %
-If God had intended man to use the metric system, Jesus
-would have only had ten disciples.
-%
 If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
 %
 If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
@@ -26391,8 +25609,6 @@ He would have sent us a candidate.
 If graphics hackers are so smart,
 why can't they get the bugs out of fresh paint?
 %
-If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
-%
 If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
 		-- Chinese proverb
 %
@@ -26407,9 +25623,6 @@ think which principles of computation shall be most appropriate.
 If he should ever change his faith,
 it'll be because he no longer thinks he's God.
 %
-"If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
-replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!"
-%
 If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
 		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
 %
@@ -26476,7 +25689,7 @@ If *I* had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers.
 %
 IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.  There's
 got to be a better way.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell,
 I'd sell the plantation and go home.
@@ -26502,7 +25715,7 @@ and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I have had my moments and,
 if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.  In fact, I'd try to
 have nothing else.  Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many
 years ahead each day.  I have been one of those people who never go anywhere
-without a thermometer, a hotwater bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.
+without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.
 If I had it to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel
 lighter than I have.  If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed
 earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would play hooky
@@ -26682,7 +25895,6 @@ If Karl, instead of writing a lot about Capital,
 had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.
 		-- Karl Marx's Mother
 %
-
 If Khaan behaves as serfs
 Lose entire states and all estates.
 If serfs behave as Khaan
@@ -26770,7 +25982,7 @@ get an unfair advantage.
 		-- John Dewey, "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
 %
 If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
-		-- A. Einstein.
+		-- A. Einstein
 %
 If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
 		-- Oscar Wilde,
@@ -26905,17 +26117,13 @@ ultimately have been beneficial for it to go wrong.
 If swimming is so good for your figure, how come whales look the
 way they do?
 %
-"If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem."
+If that makes any sense to you, you have a big problem.
 		-- C. Durance, Computer Science 234
 %
 If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would
 presumably flunk it.
 		-- Stanley Garn
 %
-If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream
-and never be our destiny.
-		-- Rene de Visme Williamson
-%
 If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a
 Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon,
 and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
@@ -26947,7 +26155,7 @@ If the designers of X-window built cars, there would be no fewer than five
 steering wheels hidden about the cockpit, none of which followed the same
 principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo.  Useful
 feature, that.
-		-- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990.
+		-- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990
 %
 If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?
 		-- Robert Moses
@@ -26976,8 +26184,8 @@ consider what may be fertilizing it.
 If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it,
 we would be so simple we couldn't.
 %
-"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
-me!"
+If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for
+me!
 		-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
 %
 If the Lord God Almighty had consulted me before embarking upon the Creation,
@@ -27110,7 +26318,7 @@ If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
 If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
 		-- Laurence J. Peter
 %
-"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely"
+If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely.
 %
 If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
 If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
@@ -27134,8 +26342,8 @@ If we men married the women we deserved, we should have a very bad time
 of it.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
-"If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our
-findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."
+If we relied conclusively on scientific data for every one of our
+findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive.
 		-- Henry Hudson, of the Meese Pornography Commission, on
 		   criticism of its conclusion that pornography causes sex
 		   crimes.
@@ -27152,7 +26360,7 @@ If we suffer tamely a lawless attack upon our liberty,
 we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.
 		-- Samuel Adams
 %
-"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
+If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
 %
 If we were meant to get up early, God would have created us
 with alarm clocks.
@@ -27179,9 +26387,9 @@ women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
 If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
 		-- Aristotle Onassis
 %
-"If you already know what recursion is, just remember the answer.
+If you already know what recursion is, just remember the answer.
 Otherwise, find someone who is standing closer to Douglas Hofstadter
-than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is."
+than you are; then ask him or her what recursion is.
 		-- Andrew Plotkin
 %
 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
@@ -27255,7 +26463,7 @@ If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
 %
 If you cannot in the long run tell everyone
 what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.
-		-- Edwim Schrodinger
+		-- Edwin Schrodinger
 %
 If you can't be good, be careful.
 If you can't be careful, give me a call.
@@ -27331,8 +26539,8 @@ If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.
 If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.
 		-- Andrew Carnegie, on public speaking
 %
-"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little
-Lavoris in the toilet."
+If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little
+Lavoris in the toilet.
 		-- Jay Leno
 %
 If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
@@ -27340,8 +26548,8 @@ If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
 If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to
 either of you for the rest of the day.
 %
-"If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
-have to get a toehold in the public eye."
+If you ever want to get anywhere in politics, my boy, you're going to
+have to get a toehold in the public eye.
 %
 If you ever want to have a lot of fun, I recommend that you go off and program
 an imbedded system.  The salient characteristic of an imbedded system is that
@@ -27696,16 +26904,12 @@ If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them
 end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
 		-- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
 %
-If you took all the women at the Harvard Prom
-and laid them end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
-		-- Dorothy Parker
-%
 If you treat people right they will treat you right -- 90% of the time.
 		-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
 %
 If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
 %
-"If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
+If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything.
 		-- A. L.
 %
 If you wait long enough, it will go away... after having
@@ -27722,7 +26926,7 @@ If you want to be ruined, marry a rich woman.
 		-- Michelet
 %
 If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's
-read by persons who move their lips when the're reading to themselves.
+read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
 		-- Don Marquis
 %
 If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
@@ -27753,9 +26957,9 @@ the word "National".
 If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
 you say, talk in your sleep.
 %
-"If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
+If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some
 memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it,
-even if they don't know what it means."
+even if they don't know what it means.
 		-- Walt Kelly, "The Pogo Party"
 %
 If you waste your time cooking, you'll miss the next meal.
@@ -27825,10 +27029,6 @@ If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no
 longer be fantasies.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz
 %
-If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a
-piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
 If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
 embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
 		-- Jack Handey
@@ -27845,7 +27045,7 @@ you're cooperating with the treatment.
 If you're crossing the nation in a covered wagon, it's better to have four
 strong oxen than 100 chickens.  Chickens are OK but we can't make them work
 together yet.
-		-- Ross Bott, Pyramid U.S., on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89.
+		-- Ross Bott, Pyramid U.S., on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89
 %
 If you're going to America, bring your own food.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
@@ -27908,8 +27108,8 @@ Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex,
 %
 Iles's Law:
 	There is always an easier way to do it.  When looking directly
-at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see it.
-Neither will Iles.
+	at the easy way, especially for long periods, you will not see
+	it.  Neither will Iles.
 %
 I'll be comfortable on the couch.  Famous last words.
 		-- Lenny Bruce
@@ -27919,9 +27119,9 @@ I'll be Grateful when they're Dead.
 I'll burn my books.
 		-- Christopher Marlowe
 %
-"I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
+I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over,
 carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry Me Back To Old Virginia,
-I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun."
+I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will *not* carry a gun.
 		-- Hawkeye, M*A*S*H
 %
 I'll defend to the death your right to say that, but I never said I'd
@@ -27956,8 +27156,8 @@ I'll never get off this planet.
 %
 I'll pretend to trust you if you'll pretend to trust me.
 %
-"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
-That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood."
+I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob.
+That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood.
 		-- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
 %
 I'll turn over a new leaf.
@@ -27991,19 +27191,19 @@ that I could have evolved from man.
 		-- "Friday's Child", when asked to help the very pregnant
 		   Ellen up a steep incline.
 "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer."
-		-- Devil in the Dark", when asked to patch up the Horta.
+		-- Devil in the Dark", when asked to patch up the Horta
 "I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
 		-- "Mirror, Mirror", when asked by Scotty for help in
 		   Engineering aboard the ISS Enterprise.
-"I'm a doctor, not a coalminer."
-		-- "The Empath", on being beneath the surface of Minara 2.
+"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner."
+		-- "The Empath", on being beneath the surface of Minara 2
 "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."
 		-- "City on the Edge of Forever", on Edith Keeler's remark
 		   that Kirk talked strangely.
 "I'm no magician, Spock, just an old country doctor."
 		-- "The Deadly Years", to Spock while trying to cure the
 		   aging effects of the rogue comet near Gamma Hydra 4.
-"What am I, a doctor or a moonshuttle conductor?"
+"What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?"
 		-- "The Corbomite Maneuver", when Kirk rushed off from a
 		   physical exam to answer the alert.
 %
@@ -28058,9 +27258,6 @@ Yessir, I'll get mine!
 %
 I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
 %
-I'm dying beyond my means.
-		-- Oscar Wilde, his last words, while sipping champagne
-%
 "I'm dying," he croaked.
 "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted.
 "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized.
@@ -28084,10 +27281,6 @@ I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
 I'm for bringing back the birch, but only for consenting adults.
 		-- Gore Vidal
 %
-I'm for peace -- I've yet to see a man wake up in the morning and say "I've
-just had a good war.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 I'm free -- and freedom tastes of reality.
 %
 I'm glad I was not born before tea.
@@ -28131,7 +27324,7 @@ says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
 %
 I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
 %
-"I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?"
+I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?
 		-- Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate
 %
 I'm just as sad as sad can be!
@@ -28156,7 +27349,7 @@ N-ary the tree I am.
 		-- Stolen from Paul Revere and the Raiders
 %
 I'm not a lovable man.
-		-- Richard Nixon.
+		-- Richard Nixon
 %
 I'm not a real movie star -- I've still got the same wife I started out
 with twenty-eight years ago.
@@ -28178,7 +27371,7 @@ I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
 %
 I'm not proud.
 %
-"I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!"
+I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!
 %
 I'm not sure I've even got the brains to be President.
 		-- Barry Goldwater, in 1964
@@ -28210,22 +27403,20 @@ I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
 -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
 		-- Arthur Godfrey
 %
-I'm rated PG-34!!
-%
 I'm really enjoying not talking to you...
 Let's not talk again REAL soon...
 %
-"I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
-(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage."
+I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it
+(your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
 		-- English Professor, Providence College
 %
 I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
 %
 I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
 %
-"I'm sorry, but after reading this thread, I'm having a hard time
+I'm sorry, but after reading this thread, I'm having a hard time
 coming up with an explanation for this nonsense which doesn't involve
-you being a dumbass."
+you being a dumbass.
 		-- Bill Paul <wpaul@FreeBSD.org>
 %
 I'm sorry, but my kharma just ran over your dogma.
@@ -28240,10 +27431,10 @@ I'm still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
 I'm successful because I'm lucky.
 The harder I work, the luckier I get.
 %
-"I'm terribly sorry, sir," the novice barber apologized, after badly nicking
-a customer.  "Let me wrap your head in a towel."
-	"That's all right," said the customer.  "I'll just take it home under
-my arm."
+	"I'm terribly sorry, sir," the novice barber apologized, after
+badly nicking a customer.  "Let me wrap your head in a towel."
+	"That's all right," said the customer.  "I'll just take it home
+under my arm."
 %
 I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
 I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
@@ -28255,8 +27446,8 @@ I'm very old-fashioned.  I believe that people should marry for life,
 like pigeons and Catholics.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-"I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's
-lives"
+I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's
+lives.
 %
 Imagination is more important than knowledge.
 		-- A. Einstein
@@ -28264,9 +27455,9 @@ Imagination is more important than knowledge.
 Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
 		-- Jules de Gaultier
 %
-"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
+Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the
 usual way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody
-thinks of complaining."
+thinks of complaining.
 		-- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal
 %
 Imagine me going around with a pot belly.
@@ -28520,11 +27711,6 @@ neighbor.
 %
 In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
 %
-In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last
-resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but
-inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 In dwelling, be close to the land.
 In meditation, delve deep into the heart.
 In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.
@@ -28669,7 +27855,7 @@ your left leg, it's modern architecture.
 %
 IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out
 becoming pure energy.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 In Nature there are neither rewards nor
 punishments, there are consequences.
@@ -28693,8 +27879,8 @@ In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
 In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom.
 It is not always an easy sacrifice.
 %
-"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
-universe."
+In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
+universe.
 		-- Carl Sagan, Cosmos
 %
 In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence
@@ -28730,17 +27916,16 @@ In reply to a message by Scott Long:
 
 > Note: this amounts to life support for floppies.  The end IS coming.
 
-Say it ain't so!   If you establish a dangerous trend like this in
+Say it ain't so!  If you establish a dangerous trend like this in
 your support for floppy booting, the next thing you know, some
 computer manufacturer will start shipping machines without ANY FLOPPY
 DRIVE AT ALL, leading to the infocalypse, the four horsemen pouring
 their vials upon the earth, the birth of the anti-christ (or PERL 6,
 whichever comes first), dogs and cats living together, etc.
 
-It's the end of days, I tell you!  The end!   Can the FreeBSD/NetBSD
+It's the end of days, I tell you!  The end!  Can the FreeBSD/NetBSD
 merger be that far off?
-
-- Jordan Hubbard (31 January 2006)
+		-- Jordan Hubbard (31 January 2006)
 %
 In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space
 Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
@@ -28765,7 +27950,7 @@ is over six feet in length.
 In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
-"In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian."
+In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian.
 %
 In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
 %
@@ -28790,7 +27975,7 @@ we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave ....
 
 So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in
 Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost
-___see the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and
+_s_e_e the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and
 rolled back.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
 %
@@ -28857,10 +28042,6 @@ this was for practice; then he made school boards.
 In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
 the proper order then why can't he?
 %
-In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in
-the proper order then why can't he?
-
-
 I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
 Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda
 	S-O-D-A soda
@@ -29094,14 +28275,15 @@ Indomitable in retreat; invincible in
 advance; insufferable in victory.
 		-- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery
 %
-infancy, n:
+Infancy, n.:
 	The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, "Heaven lies
-about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the
-Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+Infidel, n.:
+	In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion;
+	in Constantinople, one who does.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
 %
@@ -29173,8 +28355,8 @@ Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
 %
 Ink, n.:
 	A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and
-water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote
-intellectual crime.
+	water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and
+	promote intellectual crime.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one
@@ -29262,16 +28444,6 @@ Interpreter, n.:
 	interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Into love and out again,
-	Thus I went and thus I go.
-Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
-	Well and bitterly I know
-All the songs were ever sung,
-	All the words were ever said;
-Could it be, when I was young,
-	Someone dropped me on my head?
-		-- Dorothy Parker, "Theory"
-%
 Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
 %
 INTOXICATED:
@@ -29315,7 +28487,7 @@ IRONY:
 	A windy day, when, just as a beautiful girl with
 	a short skirt approaches, dust blows in your eyes.
 %
-"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
+Irrationality is the square root of all evil.
 		-- Douglas Hofstadter
 %
 Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
@@ -29348,10 +28520,10 @@ Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
 %
 Is that really YOU that is reading this?
 %
-"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"
-"To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."
-"The dog did nothing in the night-time."
-"That was the curious incident," remarked Sherlock Holmes.
+	"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"
+	"To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."
+	"The dog did nothing in the night-time."
+	"That was the curious incident," remarked Sherlock Holmes.
 %
 Is there life before breakfast?
 %
@@ -29513,7 +28685,7 @@ drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 It has been said [by Anatole France], "it is not by amusing oneself
-that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *____only* by amusing oneself that
+that one learns," and, in reply: "it is *_o_n_l_y* by amusing oneself that
 one can learn."
 		-- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman
 %
@@ -29635,7 +28807,7 @@ Curiously enough, the dolphins had long known of the impending
 destruction of the of the planet Earth and had made many attempts to
 alert mankind to the danger; but most of their communications were
 misinterpreted ...
-		-- Douglas Admas "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy"
+		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy"
 %
 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
 		-- Publius Ovidius Naso (Ovid)
@@ -29716,8 +28888,8 @@ twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
 %
 It is difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
 %
-"It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
-lightly greased."
+It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is
+lightly greased.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
 %
 It is easier to be a "humanitarian" than to render your own country its
@@ -29884,9 +29056,6 @@ It is not enough to have great qualities,
 we should also have the management of them.
 		-- La Rochefoucauld
 %
-It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
 It is not every question that deserves an answer.
 		-- Publilius Syrus
 %
@@ -29907,7 +29076,7 @@ dessert she wants.  The dessert she wants is contained within yours.
 		-- Merrill Marcoe, "An Insider's Guide to the American Woman"
 %
 It is not that polar co-ordinates are complicated, it is simply
-that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.
+that Cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.
 		-- Kleppner & Kolenhow, "An Introduction to Mechanics"
 %
 It is not the critic who counts, or how the strong man stumbled, or whether
@@ -29920,10 +29089,6 @@ he'll never be with those cold and timid souls who never know either victory
 or defeat.
 		-- Teddy Roosevelt
 %
-It is not true that life is one damn thing after
-another -- it's one damn thing over and over.
-		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
-%
 It is November first 1940; in the famous sound stage of THE WIZARD OF OZ on
 the MGM lot, a little man is lying face-up on the yellow brick road.  His
 wide eyes stare upward into the blinding stage lights.  He is wearing a
@@ -29947,10 +29112,6 @@ chemistry.
 It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
 		-- Grace Murray Hopper
 %
-It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
-virginity could be a virtue.
-		-- Voltaire
-%
 It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
 		-- Cervantes
 %
@@ -30068,7 +29229,7 @@ It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.
 %
 It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist.
 It produces a false impression.
-		-- Oscar Wilde.
+		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
 		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)
@@ -30113,7 +29274,7 @@ a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marineland says, "You can't throw
 that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
 
 Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them!  Man, wise up.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 It [marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair
 to get in, and those within despair of getting out.
@@ -30171,7 +29332,7 @@ When it relives from tongue
 It is like an elephant.
 		-- Boorchi (first of 9 knights of Chinggis (Genghis) Khan)
 %
-"It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory"
+It runs like _x, where _x is something unsavory.
 		-- Prof. Romas Aleliunas, CS 435
 %
 It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.  The good ones
@@ -30271,8 +29432,8 @@ It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The Greeks
 never said it was sweet to die for anything.  They had no vital lies.
 		-- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
 %
-"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
-foot."
+It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set
+foot.
 %
 It was all so different before everything changed.
 %
@@ -30391,12 +29552,12 @@ when you lose yours.
 It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
-"It's a summons."
-"What's a summons?"
-"It means summon's in trouble."
+	"It's a summons."
+	"What's a summons?"
+	"It means summon's in trouble."
 		-- Rocky and Bullwinkle
 %
-It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
+It's a very *_U_N*lucky week in which to be took dead.
 		-- Churchy La Femme
 %
 It's all in the mind, ya know.
@@ -30404,7 +29565,7 @@ It's all in the mind, ya know.
 It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
 		-- Mick Jagger
 %
-"It's all so painfully empty and lonesome...  I don't think I can stand
+It's all so painfully empty and lonesome...  I don't think I can stand
 any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
 never missed.  The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really...  We come
 out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
@@ -30412,7 +29573,7 @@ What is the point of it all?  Who thought up this sickening circle of
 flesh and blood?  We come into the world bleeding and cut and our bones
 half-crushed only to emerge and suffer more torment, mutilation, and
 then at the last lie down in some hole in the ground forever.  Who could
-have thought it up, I wonder?"
+have thought it up, I wonder?
 		-- James Purdy
 %
 It's always a long day; 86400 doesn't fit into a short.
@@ -30550,7 +29711,7 @@ Remember:  one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
 One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
 		-- Paul Simon, "One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor"
 %
-"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
+It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
 It's later than you think.
@@ -30616,7 +29777,7 @@ It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
 It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong.
 		-- J. K. Galbraith
 %
-"It's not just a computer -- it's your ass."
+It's not just a computer -- it's your ass.
 		-- Cal Keegan
 %
 It's not reality or how you perceive things that's important -- it's
@@ -30687,7 +29848,7 @@ results to humans.
 %
 It's so beautifully arranged on the plate -- you know someone's fingers
 have been all over it.
-		-- Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine.
+		-- Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine
 %
 It's so confusing choosing sides in the heat of the moment,
 	just to see if it's real,
@@ -30714,15 +29875,15 @@ boy gets another beer.
 %
 It's the thought, if any, that counts!
 %
-"It's today!" said Piglet.
-"My favorite day," said Pooh.
+	"It's today!" said Piglet.
+	"My favorite day," said Pooh.
 %
 It's useless to try to hold some people to anything they say while they're
 madly in love, drunk, or running for office.
 %
 It's very glamorous to raise millions of dollars, until it's time for the
 venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.
-		-- Peter Kennedy, chairman of Kraft & Kennedy.
+		-- Peter Kennedy, chairman of Kraft & Kennedy
 %
 It's very inconvenient to be mortal -- you never
 know when everything may suddenly stop happening.
@@ -30811,20 +29972,14 @@ I've got a very bad feeling about this.
 I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.
 		-- Henny Youngman
 %
-I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-I've had one child.  My husband wants to have another.
-I'd like to watch him have another.
-%
 I've known him as a man, as an adolescent and as a child -- sometimes
 on the same day.
 %
 I've looked at the listing, and it's right!
-		-- Joel Halpern.
+		-- Joel Halpern
 %
 I've never been canoeing before, but I imagine there must
 be just a few simple heuristics you have to remember...
@@ -30851,9 +30006,7 @@ I've noticed several design suggestions in your code.
 %
 I've only got 12 cards.
 %
-"I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer."
-%
-"I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer"
+I've seen, I SAY, I've seen better heads on a mug of beer.
 		-- Senator Claghorn
 %
 I've spent almost all of my life with highly intelligent men.  They're not
@@ -30958,7 +30111,7 @@ JOB INTERVIEW:
 job Placement, n:
 	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
 %
-Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
+Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his Frisbee.
 		-- Snoopy
 %
 Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
@@ -30982,10 +30135,6 @@ But Gerard Hopkins	But John Greenleaf	But Thornton
 Was Manley		Was Whittier		Was Wilder
 		-- Willard Espy
 %
-John Birch Society:
-	That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
-		-- Edward P. Morgan
-%
 JOHN PAUL ELECTED POPE!!
 
 (George and Ringo miffed.)
@@ -31123,7 +30272,7 @@ received does not mean it is not worth sending.
 Just because they are called 'forbidden' transitions does not mean that they
 are forbidden.  They are less allowed than allowed transitions, if you see
 what I mean.
-		-- From a Part 2 Quantum Mechanics lecture.
+		-- From a Part 2 Quantum Mechanics lecture
 %
 Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.
 		-- Bob Dylan
@@ -31135,7 +30284,7 @@ Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
 %
 Just close your eyes, tap your heels together three times,
 and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'
-		-- Glynda
+		-- Billie Burke as Glinda, "The Wizard of Oz"
 %
 Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
 %
@@ -31159,11 +30308,11 @@ Just once, I wish we would encounter
 an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
 		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
 %
-"Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
-of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?"
+Just out of curiosity does this actually mean something or have some
+of the few remaining bits of your brain just evaporated?
 		-- Patricia O Tuama, rissa@killer.DALLAS.TX.US
 %
-"Just remember, it all started with a mouse."
+Just remember, it all started with a mouse.
 		-- Walt Disney
 %
 Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to
@@ -31178,6 +30327,7 @@ Supporting each man on the top of the tide
 	That alone should encourage the crew.
 Just the place for a Snark!  I have said it thrice:
 	What I tell you three times is true.'
+		-- Lewis Carroll, "The Hunting of the Snark"
 %
 Just think -- blessed SCSI cables!  Do a big enough sacrifice and create
 a +5 blessed SCSI cable of connectivity.
@@ -31238,7 +30388,7 @@ Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages:
 For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING
 package of snack food.
 
-Gibson the Cat's Corrolary:
+Gibson the Cat's Corollary:
 
 For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package
 of lunch meat.
@@ -31298,13 +30448,6 @@ Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee:
 	   Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you
 	   in the head and knock you silly.
 %
-Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
-	(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
-	    straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
-	    force is technically termed "car suck").
-	(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive
-	    than "Watch this!"
-%
 Keep it short for pithy sake.
 %
 Keep on keepin' on.
@@ -31374,7 +30517,7 @@ Kettering's Observation:
 %
 Kids always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
 %
-Kids have *_____never* taken guidance from their parents.  If you could
+Kids have *_n_e_v_e_r* taken guidance from their parents.  If you could
 travel back in time and observe the original primate family in the
 original tree, you would see the primate parents yelling at the primate
 teenager for sitting around and sulking all day instead of hunting for
@@ -31672,10 +30815,10 @@ Langsam's Laws:
 Language is a virus from another planet.
 		-- William Burroughs
 %
-Lank: Here we go.  We're about to set a new record.
-Earl: (to the crowd) How about a date?
-Lank: We've done it.  Earl has set a new record.  Turned down by
-      20,000 women.
+Lank:	Here we go.  We're about to set a new record.
+Earl:	(to the crowd) How about a date?
+Lank:	We've done it.  Earl has set a new record.  Turned down by
+	20,000 women.
 		-- Lank and Earl
 %
 Lansdale seized on the idea of using Nixon to build support for the
@@ -31707,11 +30850,6 @@ LASER:
 Last guys don't finish nice.
 		-- Stanley Kelley, on the cult of victory at all costs
 %
-"Last night, I came home and realized that everything in my apartment
-had been stolen and replaced with an exact duplicate.  I told this to
-my friend -- he said, `Do I know you?'"
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up
 the pillow was gone.
 		-- Tommy Cooper
@@ -31723,17 +30861,17 @@ Gee how I wish he'd go away!
 %
 Last night the power went out.  Good thing my camera had a flash....
 The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police record.
-I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.    Cops have no sense of humor.
+I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.  Cops have no sense of humor.
 %
 Last week's pet, this week's special.
 %
 Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
 every half mile.  We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip.
 I don't remember what it was.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
 %
@@ -31784,7 +30922,7 @@ Law of Selective Gravity:
 
 Jenning's Corollary:
 	The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is
-directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
+	directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
 %
 Law of the Jungle:
 	He who hesitates is lunch.
@@ -31819,7 +30957,7 @@ Laws of Serendipity:
 	(2) If you wish to make an improved product, you must already
 	    be engaged in making an inferior one.
 %
-LAWSUIT:
+Lawsuit, n.:
 	A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
@@ -32029,7 +31167,7 @@ Let us go then you and I
 while the night is laid out against the sky
 like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie.
 
-"Nice poem Tom.  I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?"
+Nice poem Tom.  I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?
 		-- Ezra
 %
 Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
@@ -32070,9 +31208,6 @@ L'etat c'est moi.
 [The state, that's me.]
 		-- Louis XIV
 %
-Let's do it.
-		-- Gary Gilmore, to his firing squad
-%
 Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
 %
 Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
@@ -32192,7 +31327,7 @@ LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
 %
 Lie, n.:
 	A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
-discovered to date.
+	discovered to date.
 %
 Lieberman's Law:
 	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
@@ -32296,11 +31431,11 @@ Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line.
 Life is like a 10 speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.
 		-- C. Schultz
 %
-"Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
-eat it nevertheless."
+Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it.  You have to
+eat it nevertheless.
 		-- Flaubert
 %
-"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
+Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it.
 %
 Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
 %
@@ -32350,7 +31485,7 @@ Life is the urge to ecstasy.
 %
 Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
 %
-"Life is too important to take seriously."
+Life is too important to take seriously.
 		-- Corky Siegel
 %
 Life is too short to be taken seriously.
@@ -32360,7 +31495,7 @@ Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
 		-- Storm Jameson
 %
 Life is wasted on the living.
-		-- The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe.
+		-- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe"
 %
 Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
 		-- John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"
@@ -32368,7 +31503,7 @@ Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
 Life, like beer, is merely borrowed.
 		-- Don Reed
 %
-"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
+Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
 		-- Marvin, from
 		   Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
@@ -32389,14 +31524,14 @@ embittered and depressed than before (if such a thing is possible).
 Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.
 		-- Thomas J. Kopp
 %
-"Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility"
+Life to you is a bold and dashing responsibility.
 		-- a Mary Chung's fortune cookie
 %
 Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
 		-- Sanka Ad
 %
-"Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
-weren't for other people"
+Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it
+weren't for other people.
 		-- Blore
 %
 Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
@@ -32520,7 +31655,7 @@ the earth, like because the first thing in saving this world, is getting
 rid of stupid and square attitudes and having fun.
 		-- Senior Year Quote
 %
-Like you,  I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's
+Like you, I am frequently haunted by profound questions related to man's
 place in the Scheme of Things.  Here are just a few:
 
 	Q -- Is there life after death?
@@ -32539,12 +31674,6 @@ Likewise, the national appetizer, brine-cured herring with raw onions,
 wins few friends, Germans excepted.
 		-- Darwin Porter "Scandinavia On $50 A Day"
 %
-Limericks are art forms complex,
-Their topics run chiefly to sex.
-	They usually have virgins,
-	And masculine urgin's,
-And other erotic effects.
-%
 Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
 Kennedy exactly one hundred years later in 1946.
 
@@ -32681,7 +31810,7 @@ Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
 %
 Live never to be ashamed if anything you do or say is
 published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
 		-- Josh Billings
@@ -32715,7 +31844,7 @@ LIVING YOUR LIFE:
 Lizzie Borden took an axe,
 And plunged it deep into the VAX;
 Don't you envy people who
-Do all the things ___YOU want to do?
+Do all the things _Y_O_U want to do?
 %
 Lo!  Men have become the tool of their tools.
 		-- Henry David Thoreau
@@ -32747,7 +31876,7 @@ Lockwood's Long Shot:
 Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
 		-- Marvin Minsky
 %
-Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
+Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_a_w_f_u_l*.
 %
 Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.
 %
@@ -33112,9 +32241,9 @@ Ma Bell is a mean mother!
 %
 MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator?  Never heard of that.
 %
-"Mach was the greatest intellectual fraud in the last ten years."
-"What about X?"
-"I said `intellectual'."
+	"Mach was the greatest intellectual fraud in the last ten years."
+	"What about X?"
+	"I said `intellectual'."
 		;login, 9/1990
 %
 Machine-Independent, adj.:
@@ -33210,11 +32339,11 @@ Maiden, n:
 	the part of her that is audible, beaten out of the field by the
 	canary -- which, also, is more portable.
 
-Male, n:
+Male, n.:
 	A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.  The male of the
 	human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man.  The genus
 	has two varieties:  good providers and bad providers.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Maier's Law:
 	If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
@@ -33288,20 +32417,12 @@ Malek's Law:
 MALPRACTICE:
 	The reason surgeons wear masks.
 %
-MAN:
-	An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he
-	is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
-	occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species,
-	which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest
-	the whole habitable earth and Canada.
-		-- A. Bierce
-%
 Man 1:	Ask me.  "What is the most important thing about telling a good
 	joke?"
 
 Man 2:	OK, what is the most impo --
 
-Man 1:	______TIMING!
+Man 1:	_T_I_M_I_N_G!
 %
 Man and wife make one fool.
 %
@@ -33362,10 +32483,10 @@ Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.
 %
 Man, n.:
 	An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks
-he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
-occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which,
-however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole
-habitable earth and Canada.
+	he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
+	occupation is extermination of other animals and his own
+	species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity
+	as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Man proposes, God disposes.
@@ -33579,7 +32700,7 @@ Now no matter, child, the name
 Sorrow's springs are the same:
 It is the blight man was born for,
 It is Margaret you mourn for.
-		-- Gerard Manley Hopkins.
+		-- Gerard Manley Hopkins
 %
 Marigold:		Jealousy
 Mint:			Virute
@@ -33689,14 +32810,14 @@ MARTA SAYS THE INTERESTING thing about fly-fishing is that its two lives
 connected by a thin strand.
 
 Come on, Marta, grow up.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 MARTA WAS WATCHING THE FOOTBALL GAME with me when she said, "You know most
 of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its
 territory from invasion by another group."
 
 "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh.  Girls are funny.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Martin was probably ripping them off.  That's some family, isn't it?
 Incest, prostitution, fanaticism, software.
@@ -33751,7 +32872,7 @@ Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
 %
 Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom.  The
 price of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute.
-                -- Thomas Scoville
+		-- Thomas Scoville
 %
 Masturbation is the thinking man's television.
 		-- Christopher Hampton
@@ -33881,11 +33002,11 @@ Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the
 earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
-"Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
+Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes.
 %
-"Maybe we should think of this as one perfect week... where we found each
+Maybe we should think of this as one perfect week... where we found each
 other, and loved each other... and then let each other go before anyone
-had to seek professional help."
+had to seek professional help.
 %
 Maybe you can't buy happiness, but
 these days you can certainly charge it.
@@ -33942,7 +33063,7 @@ oxide, bus grant cards, gummy worms, and some bits of old pdp backplane to
 hang above the machine room.  This totem must be blessed by the old and wise
 venerable god of unibus at once, before the idolatization of vme, q and pc
 bus drive him to bitter revenge.  Alas, if this fails, and the voodoo boxen
-aren't destroyed,  there may be more than worms in the apple. Next, the
+aren't destroyed, there may be more than worms in the apple. Next, the
 arrival of voodoo optico transmitigational magneto killer paramecium, capable
 of teleporting from cable to cable, screen to screen, ear to ear and hoof
 to mouth...
@@ -33983,7 +33104,7 @@ played.  I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad."  We'd eat
 some stuff or not and then I think we went home.
 
 I guess some things never leave you.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Memory fault -- brain fried
 %
@@ -34077,36 +33198,18 @@ Mencken and Nathan's Fifteenth Law of The Average American:
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
 	The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
-cork makes when it is popped.
+	cork makes when it is popped.
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Second Law of The Average American:
 	All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
 %
 Mencken and Nathan's Sixteenth Law of The Average American:
 	Milking a cow is an operation demanding a special talent that
-is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city can
-never hope to acquire it.
+	is possessed only by yokels, and no person born in a large city
+	can never hope to acquire it.
 %
 Mene, mene, tekel, upharsen.
 %
-Men's skin is different from women's skin.  It is usually bigger, and
-it has more snakes tattooed on it.  Also, if you examine a woman's skin
-very closely, inch by inch, starting at her shapely ankles, then gently
-tracing the slender curve of her calves, then moving up to her ...
-	[EDITOR'S NOTE: To make room for news articles about important
-	 world events such as agriculture, we're going to delete the
-	 next few square feet of the woman's skin.  Thank you.]
-... until finally the two of you are lying there, spent, smoking your
-cigarettes, and suddenly it hits you: Human skin is actually made up of
-billions of tiny units of protoplasm, called "cells"!  And what is even
-more interesting, the ones on the outside are all dying!  This is a
-fact.  Your skin is like an aggressive modern corporation, where the
-older veteran cells, who have finally worked their way to the top and
-obtained offices with nice views, are constantly being shoved out the
-window head first, without so much as a pension plan, by younger
-hotshot cells moving up from below.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
-%
 Mental power tended to corrupt, and absolute intelligence tended to
 corrupt absolutely, until the victim eschewed violence entirely in
 favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.
@@ -34175,8 +33278,8 @@ Micro Credo:
 %
 Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
 %
-"Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
-watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks."
+Microwave oven?  Whaddya mean, it's a microwave oven?  I've been
+watching Channel 4 on the thing for two weeks.
 %
 Microwaves frizz your heir.
 %
@@ -34230,14 +33333,13 @@ But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
 shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You will therefore permit
 me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
 %
-"Mind if I smoke?"
+	"Mind if I smoke?"
 	"I don't care if you burst into flames and die!"
 %
-"Mind if I smoke?"
+	"Mind if I smoke?"
 	"Yes, I'd like to see that, does it come out of your ears or what?"
 %
-Mind your own business, Spock.
-I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
+Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
 %
 Mind your own business, then you don't mind mine.
 %
@@ -34314,7 +33416,7 @@ Mix's Law:
 	There is nothing more permanent than a temporary building.
 	There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
 %
-Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
+Moebius strippers never show you their back side.
 %
 MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)
 
@@ -34424,9 +33526,9 @@ Mom's Law:
 	When they finally do have to take you to the
 	hospital, your underwear won't be clean or new.
 %
-MONDAY:
+Monday, n.:
 	In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
 %
@@ -34519,9 +33621,9 @@ mophobia, n:
 More are taken in by hope than by cunning.
 		-- Vauvenargues
 %
-"More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without
+More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without
 necessarily achieving it) than for any other single reason -- including
-blind stupidity"
+blind stupidity.
 		-- W. A. Wulf
 %
 More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.
@@ -34676,9 +33778,6 @@ or more of a chance to participate in it.
 Most people will listen to your unreasonable demands,
 if you'll consider their unacceptable offer.
 %
-Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
-		-- Frank Zappa
-%
 Most people's favorite way to end a game is by winning.
 %
 Most public domain software is free, at least at first glance.
@@ -34851,7 +33950,7 @@ Must I hold a candle to my shames?
 %
 Mustgo, n.:
 	Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
-long it has become a science project.
+	long it has become a science project.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
 My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
@@ -34902,7 +34001,7 @@ said, "So will you."
 My brain is my second favorite organ.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big sattelite photo
+My brother sent me a postcard the other day with this big satellite photo
 of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
@@ -34915,7 +34014,7 @@ Yea, tho I walk through the valley of surprise quizzes,
 	I will fear no prof, for my calculator is there to hearten me.
 It prepareth a log table to comfort me, it prepareth an
 	arc sin for me in the presence of my teachers.
-It annoints my homework with correct solutions, my interpolations are
+It anoints my homework with correct solutions, my interpolations are
 	over.
 Surely, both precision and accuracy shall follow me all the days of my
 	life, and I shall dwell in the house of Texas instruments forever.
@@ -34933,11 +34032,6 @@ just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
 "My code is elegant", "Your code is sneaky", "His code is an ugly hack"
 		-- Colin Percival on irregular verbs
 %
-"My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think
-of saying, except in a desperate case.  It is like saying "My mother,
-drunk or sober."
-		-- G. K. Chesterton, "The Defendant"
-%
 My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
 %
 My darling wife was always glum.
@@ -34993,7 +34087,7 @@ but they were there to meet the boat.
 %
 My friend has a baby.  I'm writing down all the noises he makes so
 later I can ask him what he meant.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse,
 but always, always, he was right.
@@ -35002,8 +34096,8 @@ My girlfriend and I sure had a good time at the beach last summer.  First
 she'd bury me in the sand, then I'd bury her.  This summer I'm going to go
 back and dig her up.
 %
-"My God!  Are we sure he was a liberal?"
-"Pretty sure.  They pulled him from a Volvo."
+	"My God!  Are we sure he was a liberal?"
+	"Pretty sure.  They pulled him from a Volvo."
 %
 My God, I'm depressed!  Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times
 as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending
@@ -35020,7 +34114,7 @@ My idea of roughing it turning the air conditioner too low.
 My interest is in the future because I am
 going to spend the rest of my life there.
 %
-"My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?"
+My life is a soap opera, but who has the rights?
 		-- MadameX
 %
 My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
@@ -35184,7 +34278,7 @@ My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
 Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
 		-- Booth Tarkington
 %
-mythology, n:
+Mythology, n.:
 	The body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin,
 	early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished
 	from the true accounts which it invents later.
@@ -35215,10 +34309,6 @@ Nachman's Rule:
 Nadia Comaneci, simple perfection.
 		-- '76 Olympics
 %
-Naeser's Law:
-	You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
-damnfoolproof.
-%
 'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan.
 Never odd or even.
 A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
@@ -35541,7 +34631,7 @@ way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
 %
 Never negotiate with the United States unless you have a nuclear
 weapon.
-		-- Former deputy defense minister of India.
+		-- Former deputy defense minister of India
 %
 Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
 		-- Sam Brown, "The Washington Post", January 26, 1977
@@ -35629,7 +34719,7 @@ It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
 Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
 		-- Dr. Warren Jackson, Director, UTCS
 %
-"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
+Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon.
 %
 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
 		-- Robert Heinlein
@@ -35682,7 +34772,7 @@ Flyin' in from London to your door
 New York-- lookin' down on Central Park
 Where they say you should not wander after dark.
 New York.
-		-- Simon and Garfunkle
+		-- Simon and Garfunkel
 %
 New York's got the ways and means;
 Just won't let you be.
@@ -35696,7 +34786,7 @@ Newman's Discovery:
 	Your best dreams may not come true;
 	fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
 %
-Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
+Newspaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then
 print the chaff.
 		-- Adlai Stevenson
 %
@@ -35735,8 +34825,6 @@ Nice guys get sick.
 Nick the Greek's Law of Life:
 	All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against.
 %
-Nietzsche is pietzsche.
-%
 Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
 %
 Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
@@ -35889,8 +34977,8 @@ and Telegraph Company.
 No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
 		-- Sidney
 %
-"No job too big; no fee too big!"
-		-- Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"
+No job too big; no fee too big!
+		-- Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghostbusters"
 %
 No line available at 300 baud.
 %
@@ -36000,7 +35088,7 @@ No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
 %
 No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
 %
-"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
+No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.
 %
 No one has a higher opinion of him than he has.
 		-- Greg Lehey, FreeBSDcon 1999
@@ -36111,8 +35199,8 @@ No self-made man ever did such a good job
 that some woman didn't want to make some alterations.
 		-- Kim Hubbard
 %
-"No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
-paper."
+No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in that kind of
+paper.
 		-- Mike Royko on the Chicago Sun-Times after it was
 		   taken over by Rupert Murdoch
 %
@@ -36273,7 +35361,7 @@ nominal egg:
 %
 Noncombatant, n.:
 	A dead Quaker.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
 		-- M. J. 0'Donnell
@@ -36322,17 +35410,17 @@ Coach: How's life, Norm?
 Norm:  Not for the squeamish, Coach.
 		-- Cheers, Friends, Romans, and Accountants
 %
-Norm:  Hey, everybody.
-All:   [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich.]
-Norm:  [Carries on both sides of the conversation himself.]
-       Norm!   (Norman.)
-       How are you feeling today, Norm?
-       Rich and thirsty.  Pour me a beer.
+Norm:	Hey, everybody.
+All:	[silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich.]
+Norm:	[Carries on both sides of the conversation himself.]
+	Norm!   (Norman.)
+	How are you feeling today, Norm?
+	Rich and thirsty.  Pour me a beer.
 		-- Cheers, Tan 'n Wash
 
-Woody: What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
-Norm:  Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
-       Film at eleven.
+Woody:	What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
+Norm:	Zsa-Zsa marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
+	Film at eleven.
 		-- Cheers, Knights of the Scimitar
 
 Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
@@ -36374,9 +35462,9 @@ Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
 Norm:  Clifford Clavin's head.
 		-- Cheers, The Triangle
 
-Sam:  Hey, what's happening, Norm?
-Norm: Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy,
-      and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
+Sam:	Hey, what's happening, Norm?
+Norm:	Well, it's a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy,
+	and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
 		-- Cheers, The Peterson Principle
 
 Sam:  How's life in the fast lane, Normie?
@@ -36389,9 +35477,9 @@ Coach:  What's up, Norm?
 Norm:   Everything that's supposed to be.
 		-- Cheers, Diane Meets Mom
 
-Sam:  What's new, Normie?
-Norm: Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
-      They're demanding beer.
+Sam:	What's new, Normie?
+Norm:	Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
+	They're demanding beer.
 		-- Cheers, The Heart is a Lonely Snipehunter
 
 Coach: What'll it be, Normie?
@@ -36407,9 +35495,9 @@ Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
 Norm:  A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''
 		-- Cheers, Call Me, Irresponsible
 
-Sam:  What can I get you, Norm?
-Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?  Ah, just kidding.
-      Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.
+Sam:	What can I get you, Norm?
+Norm:	[scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?  Ah, just kidding.
+	Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.
 		-- Cheers, Two Girls for Every Boyd
 %
 Normal times may possibly be over forever.
@@ -36422,8 +35510,6 @@ their courses.
 %
 Nostalgia is living life in the past lane.
 %
-Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
-%
 Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
 %
 Not all men who drink are poets.
@@ -36454,7 +35540,7 @@ then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they
 chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ...
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."
+Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
 		-- Shakespeare
 %
 Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is
@@ -36462,7 +35548,7 @@ ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
 		-- Professor, EECS, George Washington University
 
 I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year.
-		-- Professor, Harvard, on a senior thesis.
+		-- Professor, Harvard, on a senior thesis
 %
 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad.
 		-- Rob Pike
@@ -36474,8 +35560,8 @@ serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
 Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.
 		-- Spinoza
 %
-"Not to mention the fact that most of the good code for PC minix seems
-to have been written by Bruce Evans."
+Not to mention the fact that most of the good code for PC minix seems
+to have been written by Bruce Evans.
 		-- Linus Torvalds, comp.os.minix, Jan. 1992
 %
 NOTE:  No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
@@ -36760,21 +35846,21 @@ cake while listening to her exhortations, ask yourself the following questions:
 
 That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
 %
-"Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
+Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called
 Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that
-were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ..."
+were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ...
 		-- "The Begatting of a President"
 %
 Now there's a violent movie titled, "The Croquet Homicide,"
 or "Murder With Mallets Aforethought."
-		-- Shelby Friedman, WSJ.
+		-- Shelby Friedman, WSJ
 %
 Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game:
 you can win or you can lose or it can rain.
 		-- Casey Stengel
 %
-"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a
-smurfette."
+Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm.  Gag me with a
+smurfette.
 		-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354
 %
 Nowlan's Theory:
@@ -36802,9 +35888,9 @@ You got nothing -- you got nothing at all...
 	We know his name and he mustn't get away.
 	We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha.
 	It would take one shot -- to blow him away...
-		-- Shriekback, "Gunning for the Buddah"
+		-- Shriekback, "Gunning for the Buddha"
 %
-Nuclear powered vacuuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
+Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
 		-- Alex Lewyt (President of the Lewyt Corporation,
 		   manufacturers of vacuum cleaners), quoted in The New York
 		   Times, June 10, 1955.
@@ -36812,14 +35898,14 @@ Nuclear powered vacuuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
 [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
 		-- Edwin Meese III
 %
-"Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile."
+Nuclear war can ruin your whole compile.
 		-- Karl Lehenbauer
 %
 Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of
 normal routines, for children and adults alike.
 		-- Willard F. Libby, "You Can Survive Atomic Attack"
 %
-"Nuclear war would really set back cable."
+Nuclear war would really set back cable.
 		-- Ted Turner
 %
 Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
@@ -36878,7 +35964,7 @@ O love, could thou and I with fate conspire
 To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire,
 Might we not smash it to bits
 And mould it closer to our hearts' desire?
-		-- Omar Khayyam, tr. FitzGerald
+		-- Omar Khayyam, tr. Fitzgerald
 %
 Oatmeal raisin.
 %
@@ -36905,7 +35991,7 @@ A quantity of particles saline.
 %
 Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
 %
-"Obviously, a major malfunction has occurred."
+Obviously, a major malfunction has occurred.
 		-- Steve Nesbitt, voice of Mission Control, January 28,
 		   1986, as the shuttle Challenger exploded within view
 		   of the grandstands.
@@ -36916,13 +36002,13 @@ OCCAM'S ERASER:
 	The philosophical principle that even the simplest
 	solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
 %
-OCCIDENT:
+Occident, n.:
 	The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient.  It is
-	largely inhabited by Christians,  powerful sub-tribe of the
+	largely inhabited by Christians, powerful sub-tribe of the
 	Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating,
 	which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce."  These, also,
 	are the principal industries of the Orient.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 OCEAN:
 	A body of water occupying about two-thirds
@@ -37112,7 +36198,7 @@ Shooting up my veins,
 Tell you, I've been a-thinkin'
 I could drive a shiny Lincoln,
 If I dealt in good cocaine.
-		-- To If I Only Had A Brain from "The Wizard of Oz"
+		-- To 'If I Only Had A Brain' from "The Wizard of Oz"
 %
 Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
 be irresponsible, too.
@@ -37219,7 +36305,7 @@ until you do have the information available, and then e-mail me. You'll
 save precious time and electrons.
 		-- Bill Paul
 %
-"OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard."
+OK, now let's look at four dimensions on the blackboard.
 		-- Dr. Joy
 %
 OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
@@ -37281,11 +36367,6 @@ omnibiblious, adj.:
 	Indifferent to type of drink.  Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.
 	I'm omnibiblious."
 %
-OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS??  Oh, YEH!!  First you need four GALLONS of
-JELL-O and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th' WRENCH in the JELL-O
-as if it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... or ... I ... um ...
-WHERE'S the WASHING MACHINES?
-%
 On a clear day, U.C.L.A.
 %
 On a clear disk you can seek forever.
@@ -37293,7 +36374,7 @@ On a clear disk you can seek forever.
 %
 On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague:
 
-"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
+This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
 		-- Wolfgang Pauli
 %
 On a tous un peu peur de l'amour, mais on
@@ -37384,7 +36465,7 @@ held captive by his unblinking eye.
 Three golden orbs stand watch;
 one each to toll the day, hour, minute
 until predestiny decrees his reawakening.
-When that feared moment arives,
+When that feared moment arrives,
 "Ask not for whom the bell tolls,
 It tolls for thee."
 		-- "I extended the loan on your Camera, at the Pine
@@ -37451,7 +36532,7 @@ Once Law was sitting on the bench
 	And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
 "Clear out!" he cried, "disordered wench!
 	Nor come before me creeping.
-Upon you knees if you appear,
+Upon your knees if you appear,
 'Tis plain you have no standing here."
 
 Then Justice came.  His Honor cried:
@@ -37495,7 +36576,7 @@ You must mind the file protections and not snoop around,
 	Or the bio bug'll getcha and bring the system down!
 %
 Once there was this conductor see, who had a bass problem.  You see, during
-a portion of Beethovan's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
+a portion of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in which there are no bass violin
 parts, one of the bassists always passed a bottle of scotch around.  So,
 to remind himself that the basses usually required an extra cue towards the
 end of the symphony, the conductor would fasten a piece of string around the
@@ -37542,7 +36623,7 @@ While you pondered sentient and crystalline,
 Over many a broken and subordinate
 Volume of gnarly lore,
 While I pestered, nearly singing,
-Sudddenly there came a hewing,
+Suddenly there came a hewing,
 As of someone profusely skulking,
 Skulking at my chamber door.
 %
@@ -37609,21 +36690,6 @@ and march back home."
 to Poland three times and never invade?"
 	The old man smiles.  "He has to pass through Russia six times."
 %
-One day President Reagan, Chairman Brezhnev, the Pope, and a boy scout were
-flying together in an airplane.  Right out in the middle of nowhere the plane
-developed engine trouble and started to go down.  Unfortunately, only three
-parachutes could be found for the four passengers!  Brezhnev grabbed one of
-the parachutes and declared "Comrades, as leader of the socialist workers
-revolution, my life must be spared."  And he jumped out of the plane.  Then
-Reagan exclaimed "As leader of the greatest nation on earth, I must keep the
-world safe for democracy."  And with that he too jumped to safety.  Now if
-you are following all this (or counting on your fingers) you must see that
-there is only one parachute left for the two remaining passengers.  The Pope
-looked kindly upon the boy scout and said "I have had a long and productive
-life, my son.  You take the parachute and leave me in God's hands."  "That's
-very kind of you," the observant scout replied, "but there is no need.  Reagan
-just jumped out with my knapsack."
-%
 One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the
 truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald announced,
 "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a question
@@ -37843,7 +36909,7 @@ cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
-create goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "________somebody has to buy
+create goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "_s_o_m_e_b_o_d_y has to buy
 retail."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
@@ -37963,7 +37029,7 @@ cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
 
 I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty
 late.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 One thing the inventors can't seem to
 get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
@@ -37975,11 +37041,6 @@ terror.
 %
 One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
 %
-One time the police stopped me for speeding.  They said, "Don't you know the
-speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?"  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't
-going to be out that long."
-		-- Steven Wright
-%
 One toke over the line, sweet Mary,
 One toke over the line,
 Sittin' downtown in a railway station,
@@ -38004,11 +37065,11 @@ because they bite.
 %
 One-Shot Case Study, n:
 	The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover, from which
-it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes green.
+	it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes green.
 %
 On-line, adj.:
 	The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a
-computer.
+	computer.
 %
 Only a fool has no doubts.
 %
@@ -38115,7 +37176,7 @@ with the grin that apes a smile.  Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible
 to the light of disproof -- an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment
 but death.  It is hereditary, but not contagious.
 %
-OPTIMIST:
+Optimist, n.:
 	A proponent of the belief that black is white.
 
 	A pessimist asked God for relief.
@@ -38126,11 +37187,11 @@ would justify them."
 something -- the mortality of the optimist."
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-OPTIMIST:
+Optimist:
 	Someone who goes down to the marriage
 	bureau to see if his license has expired.
 %
-optimist, n:
+Optimist, n:
 	A bagpiper with a beeper.
 %
 Optimization hinders evolution.
@@ -38197,13 +37258,13 @@ but to continue to fail in high spirits.
 		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
 %
 Our congratulations go to a Burlington Vermont civilian employee of the
-local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substational cash
+local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substantial cash
 award from our government for inventing a device for optical scanning.
 His device reportedly will save the government more than $6 million a year
 by replacing a more expensive helicopter maintenance tool with his own,
 home-made, hand-held model.
 
-Not suprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit
+Not surprisingly, we also have a couple of money-saving ideas that we submit
 to the Pentagon free of charge:
 
 	a. Don't kill anybody.
@@ -38219,7 +37280,7 @@ but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
 Our documentation manager was showing her two year old son around the
 office.  He was introduced to me, at which time he pointed out that we
 were both holding bags of popcorn.  We were both holding bottles of
-juice.  But only *__he* had a lollipop.
+juice.  But only *_h_e* had a lollipop.
 
 He asked his mother, "Why doesn't HE have a lollipop?"
 
@@ -38279,7 +37340,7 @@ And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!
 		-- Monty Python
 %
-"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it."
+Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it.
 		-- Alex Schure
 %
 Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
@@ -38296,8 +37357,8 @@ Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
 %
 Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
 %
-"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
-it's too dark to read."
+Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
+it's too dark to read.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
 Over the shoulder supervision is more a
@@ -38398,15 +37459,15 @@ Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
 %
 Painting, n.:
 	The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and
-exposing them to the critic.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	exposing them to the critic.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Pandora's Rule:
 	Never open a box you didn't close.
 %
 panic: can't find /
 %
-panic: kernal segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
+panic: kernel segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
 %
 panic: kernel trap (ignored)
 %
@@ -38477,7 +37538,7 @@ PARTY:
 	A gathering where you meet people who drink
 	so much you can't even remember their names.
 %
-Pascal:
+Pascal, n.:
 	A programming language named after a man who would turn over
 	in his grave if he knew about it.
 		-- Datamation, January 15, 1984
@@ -38488,13 +37549,9 @@ Pascal is a language for children wanting to be naughty.
 Pascal is not a high-level language.
 		-- Steven Feiner
 %
-"Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat."
+Pascal is Pascal is Pascal is dog meat.
 		-- M. Devine and P. Larson, Computer Science 340
 %
-Pascal, n.:
-	A programming language named after a man who would turn over in
-his grave if he knew about it.
-%
 Pascal Users:
 	The Pascal system will be replaced next Tuesday by Cobol.
 	Please modify your programs accordingly.
@@ -38546,7 +37603,7 @@ patent:
 "Pathetic," he said.  "That's what it is.  Pathetic."
 (crosses stream)
 "As I thought," he said, "no better from *this* side."
-		-- Eyeore
+		-- Eeyore
 %
 Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, on qualifiers
@@ -38582,7 +37639,7 @@ Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
 %
 Paul's Law:
 	In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
-save.
+	save.
 %
 Paul's Law:
 	You can't fall off the floor.
@@ -38625,16 +37682,16 @@ of land... let there be no more wars.
 %
 Peace, n.:
 	In international affairs, a period of cheating between two
-periods of fighting.
+	periods of fighting.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Peanut Blossoms
 
-4 cups sugar           16 tbsp. milk
-4 cups brown sugar     4 tsp. vanilla
-4 cups shortening      14 cups flour
-8 eggs                 4 tsp. soda
-4 cups peanut butter   4 tsp. salt
+4 cups sugar		16 tbsp. milk
+4 cups brown sugar	4 tsp. vanilla
+4 cups shortening	14 cups flour
+8 eggs			4 tsp. soda
+4 cups peanut butter	4 tsp. salt
 
 Shape dough into balls. Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased
 cookie sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes.  Immediately top
@@ -39007,9 +38064,9 @@ Pickle's Law:
 	If Congress must do a painful thing,
 	the thing must be done in an odd-number year.
 %
-"Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
+Picture the sun as the origin of two intersecting 6-dimensional
 hyperplanes from which we can deduce a certain transformational
-sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ..."
+sequence which gives us the terminal velocity of a rubber duck ...
 %
 Piddle, twiddle, and resolve,
 Not one damn thing do we solve.
@@ -39022,11 +38079,11 @@ Piece of cake!
 %
 Pig, n.:
 	An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race
-by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is
-inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
+	by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however,
+	is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Pilfering Treasure property is paticularly dangerous: big thieves are
+Pilfering Treasure property is particularly dangerous: big thieves are
 ruthless in punishing little thieves.
 		-- Diogenes
 %
@@ -39078,7 +38135,7 @@ pixel, n:
 %
 P-K4
 %
-"Plaese porrf raed."
+Plaese porrf raed.
 		-- Prof. Michael O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase
 %
 Plagiarize, plagiarize,
@@ -39218,14 +38275,6 @@ an uncontainable experience.
 %
 PLUG IT IN!!!
 %
-PLUNDERER'S THEME
-(to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius)
-
-Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
-If you do the things we say, then you'll soon rule the nation.
-Kill your foes and enemies and then kill your relations.
-Pillage, rape, and loot and burn, but all in moderation.
-%
 Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose.
 %
 Pohl's law:
@@ -39262,7 +38311,7 @@ teach children.
 		-- W. H. Auden
 %
 Political speeches are like steer horns.  A point
-here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.
+here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.
 		-- Alfred E. Neuman
 %
 Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
@@ -39270,15 +38319,16 @@ all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
 %
 Politician, n.:
 	An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of
-organized society is reared.  When he wriggles, he mistakes the
-agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As compared
-with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive.
+	organized society is reared.  When he wriggles, he mistakes the
+	agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.  As
+	compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of
+	being alive.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Politician, n.:
 	From the Greek "poly" ("many") and the French "tete" ("head" or
-"face," as in "tete-a-tete": head to head or face to face).  Hence
-"polytetien", a person of two or more faces.
+	"face," as in "tete-a-tete": head to head or face to face).
+	Hence "polytetien", a person of two or more faces.
 		-- Martin Pitt
 %
 Politicians are the same everywhere.  They promise
@@ -39326,16 +38376,16 @@ explain why it didn't happen.
 		-- Winston Churchill
 %
 Politics, like religion, hold up the
-torches of matrydom to the reformers of error.
+torches of martyrdom to the reformers of error.
 		-- Thomas Jefferson
 %
 Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.
 		-- Amy Gorin
 %
-politics, n:
+Politics, n.:
 	A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
 	The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Pollyanna's Educational Constant:
 	The hyperactive child is never absent.
@@ -39412,7 +38462,7 @@ Except with sour cream.
 Potahto' Pictures Productions Presents:
 
 	THE TATERNATOR: Cyborg spud returns from the future to present-day
-McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoess (girl 'tater) who will give birth
+McDonald's restaurant to kill the potatoes (girl 'tater) who will give birth
 to the world's largest french fry (The Dark Powers of Burger King are clearly
 behind this).  Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."
 
@@ -39489,10 +38539,10 @@ Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
 Praise the sea; on shore remain.
 		-- John Florio
 %
-pray, n:
+Pray, v:
 	To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf
 	of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
 		-- Russian Proverb
@@ -39502,9 +38552,9 @@ Predestination was doomed from the start.
 Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
 		-- Niels Bohr
 %
-Prejudice:
+Prejudice, n.:
 	A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
 		-- D. E. Knuth
@@ -39757,8 +38807,8 @@ prototype, n.
 	upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc.  Unlike its successors, the
 	prototype is not expected to work.
 %
-"Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
-than the both put together."
+Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller
+than the both put together.
 %
 Providence New Jersey is one of the few cities
 where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf.
@@ -39849,14 +38899,10 @@ PURPITATION:
 	don't want it, and then put it in another section.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
-%
 Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
 %
 Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
 %
-Pushing forty is exercise enough.
-%
 Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer.
 Let it simmer.  Meanwhile, broil a good steak.
 Eat the steak.  Let the chili simmer.  Ignore it.
@@ -39905,10 +38951,10 @@ A:	We are Vaxen.
 Q:	Do you know what the death rate around here is?
 A:	One per person.
 %
-Q:      do you think the idea of "one tool doing one job" has been
-        abandoned? ...
-A:      Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by
-        Perl.
+Q:	Do you think the idea of "one tool doing one job" has been
+	abandoned? ...
+A:	Those days are dead and gone and the eulogy was delivered by
+	Perl.
 		-- Rob Pike
 %
 Q:	Have you heard about the man who didn't pay for his exorcism?
@@ -39918,11 +38964,11 @@ Q:	How can we get the Beatles to reunite for one more concert?
 A:	With three more bullets.
 %
 Q:	How can you tell if an elephant is having an affair with
-		your wife?
+	your wife?
 A:	You have to wait 22 months.
 %
 Q:	How can you tell if an elephant is sitting on your back
-		in a hurricane?
+	in a hurricane?
 A:	You can hear his ears flapping in the wind.
 %
 Q:	How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?
@@ -39952,11 +38998,7 @@ Q:	How do you know when you're in the <ethnic> section of Vermont?
 A:	The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles.
 %
 Q:	How do you make an elephant float?
-A:	You get two scoops of elephant and some rootbeer...
-%
-Q:	How do you play religious roulette?
-A:	You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
-	struck by lightning first.
+A:	You get two scoops of elephant and some root beer...
 %
 Q:	How do you save a drowning lawyer?
 A:	Throw him a rock.
@@ -39996,7 +39038,7 @@ A:	Five.  One to screw in the lightbulb and four to share the
 
 Q:	How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A:	Three.  One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all
-		those Californians trying to share the experience.
+	those Californians trying to share the experience.
 %
 Q:	How many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:	Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
@@ -40068,33 +39110,43 @@ Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:	One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
 %
 Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
-A:	Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
-party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
-agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
-from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
-upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
-the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
-at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
-the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
-second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
-parties.
-	The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
-limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
-elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
-means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
-of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
-non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
-becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
-have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
-consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
-Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
-shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
-occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
-step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
-should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
-The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
-first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
-produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
+A:	Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer",
+	and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb",
+	do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the
+	party of the second part shall be removed from the current
+	position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
+	upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
+	illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door,
+	through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the
+	primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet,
+	any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of
+	the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement
+	between the parties.
+
+	The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not
+	be limited to, the following.  The party of the first part
+	shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a
+	chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp
+	the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second
+	part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
+	non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the
+	second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the
+	party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of
+	the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all
+	relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
+
+	Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of
+	the first part shall have the option of beginning installation.
+	Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with
+	the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
+	self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
+	should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being
+	non-negotiable.
+
+	The above described steps may be performed, at the option of
+	the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized
+	by him, the objective being to produce the most possible
+	revenue for the Partnership.
 %
 Q:	How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:	You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if
@@ -40107,7 +39159,7 @@ Q:	How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 A:	None:  The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
 %
 Q:	How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:      One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
+A:	One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
 	to the earlier joke.
 %
 Q:	How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
@@ -40121,7 +39173,7 @@ A:	Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
 	the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
 	from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
 	Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
-	beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
+	beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promptly
 	killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
 	As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
 	Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
@@ -40132,9 +39184,9 @@ A:	Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
 	and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
 %
 Q:	How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light
-		bulb?
+	bulb?
 A:	Three.  One to do it, one to watch, and the third to shoot the
-		witness.
+	witness.
 %
 Q:	How many pre-med's does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A:	Five:  One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder
@@ -40144,9 +39196,9 @@ Q:	How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
 A:	Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
 	to really want to change.
 %
-Q:	"How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
-A:	"Twelve; one to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven to self-destruct
-	the ship out of disgrace."
+Q:	How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
+A:	Twelve.  One to screw the light-bulb in, and eleven
+	to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
 
 	[Warning: do not tell this joke to Romulans or else be ready for
 	a fight.  They consider it to be a disgrace, though it's
@@ -40158,7 +39210,7 @@ A:	Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
 
 	[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur.  Ed.]
 %
-Q:	How many WASP's does it take to change a lightbulb?
+Q:	How many WASPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
 A:	One.
 %
 Q:	How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
@@ -40168,7 +39220,7 @@ Q:	How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
 A:	9 edge down.
 %
 Q:	Know what the difference between your latest project
-		and putting wings on an elephant is?
+	and putting wings on an elephant is?
 A:	Who knows?  The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
 %
 Q:	Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
@@ -40182,7 +39234,7 @@ Q:	What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
 A:	"The elephants are coming over the hill."
 
 Q:	What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
-		sunglasses?
+	sunglasses?
 A:	Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
 %
 Q:	What did the regular expression match?
@@ -40211,7 +39263,7 @@ A:	Coke.  (Because Things go better with Coke.)
 Q:	What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
 A:	The impossible dream.
 %
-Q:	What do WASP's do instead of making love?
+Q:	What do WASPs do instead of making love?
 A:	Rule the country.
 %
 Q:	What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
@@ -40251,7 +39303,7 @@ A:	What does it matter?  He can't come anyway.
 	[I got a dog with no legs -- I call him Cigarette.
 		Every night, I take him out for a drag.  Ed.]
 %
-Q:	What do you call a group of kids with low IQ's, drinking diet cola,
+Q:	What do you call a group of kids with low IQs, drinking diet cola,
 	eating fruit, and singing?
 A:	The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
 %
@@ -40308,7 +39360,7 @@ A:	Open other end.
 Q:	What goes: Sis!  Boom!  Baaaaah!
 A:	Exploding sheep.
 %
-Q:	What happens when four WASP's find themselves in the same room?
+Q:	What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
 A:	A dinner party.
 %
 Q:	What is green and lives in the ocean?
@@ -40332,10 +39384,6 @@ A:	An Abelian grape.
 Q:	What is purple and concord the world?
 A:	Alexander the Grape.
 %
-Q:	"What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic
-	existentialist?"
-A:	"Is there a dog?"
-%
 Q:	What is the difference between a duck?
 A:	One leg is both the same.
 %
@@ -40364,7 +39412,7 @@ Q:	What looks like a cat, flies like a bat, brays like a donkey, and
 	plays like a monkey?
 A:	Nothing.
 %
-Q:	What regular expression do you often see around christmas?
+Q:	What regular expression do you often see around Christmas?
 A:	[^L]
 %
 Q:	What's black and white and red all over?
@@ -40465,12 +39513,6 @@ A:	Because that was her name.
 Q:	Why did the WASP cross the road?
 A:	To get to the middle.
 %
-Q:	Why do ducks have big flat feet?
-A:	To stamp out forest fires.
-
-Q:	Why do elephants have big flat feet?
-A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
-%
 Q:	Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
 A:	To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
 %
@@ -40530,56 +39572,51 @@ A:	'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
 Q:	Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
 A:	It wasn't IBM compatible.
 %
-Q:  How did you get into artificial intelligence?
-A:  Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
+Q:	How did you get into artificial intelligence?
+A:	Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
 %
-Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:  Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
-    itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
-    reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
-    maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
+Q:	How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
+A:	Two.  One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb
+	itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
+	reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
+	maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
 %
-Q:  How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb
-    in San Francisco?
-A:  Both of them.
+Q:	How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
+A:	One and a half.
 %
-Q:  How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:  One and a half.
+Q:	How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
+A:	None.  The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
+	of the way.
 %
-Q:  How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-A:  None.  The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
-    of the way.
+Q:	What's a light-year?
+A:	One-third less calories than a regular year.
 %
-Q:  What's a light-year?
-A:  One-third less calories than a regular year.
+Q:	Why did the tachyon cross the road?
+A:	Because it was on the other side.
 %
-Q:  Why did the tachyon cross the road?
-A:  Because it was on the other side.
-%
-Q: Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.  What
-   should I do?
-
-A: Post the correct answer at once!  We can't have people go on
-   believing that!  Very good of you to spot this.  You'll probably be
-   the only one to make the correction, so post as soon as you can.  No
-   time to lose, so certainly don't wait a day, or check to see if
-   somebody else has made the correction.
-
-   And it's not good enough to send the message by mail.  Since you're
-   the only one who really knows that it was Francis Coppola, you have
-   to inform the whole net right away!
+Q:	Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.
+	What should I do?
+A:	Post the correct answer at once!  We can't have people go on
+	believing that!  Very good of you to spot this.  You'll probably
+	be the only one to make the correction, so post as soon as you can.
+	No time to lose, so certainly don't wait a day, or check to see if
+	somebody else has made the correction.
 
+	And it's not good enough to send the message by mail.  Since you're
+	the only one who really knows that it was Francis Coppola, you have
+	to inform the whole net right away!
 		-- Brad Templeton, "Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions
 		   on Netiquette"
 %
-Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
-A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
+Q:	What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international
+	standard?
+A:	You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
 %
-Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
-A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
+Q:	What's the difference between USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
+A:	The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
 %
-Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?
-A: The Titanic had a band.
+Q:	What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?
+A:	The Titanic had a band.
 %
 QED.
 %
@@ -40593,10 +39630,10 @@ QOTD:
 	"A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem."
 %
 QOTD:
-	All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.
+	"All I want is a little more than I'll ever get."
 %
 QOTD:
-	All I want is more than my fair share.
+	"All I want is more than my fair share."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"Dead people are good at running because they don't
@@ -40614,8 +39651,8 @@ QOTD:
 	I go to work."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Flash!  Flash!  I love you! ...but we only have fourteen hours to
-	save the earth!
+	"Flash!  Flash!  I love you! ...but we only have fourteen hours to
+	save the earth!"
 %
 QOTD:
 	"He eats like a bird... five times his own weight each day."
@@ -40631,7 +39668,7 @@ QOTD:
 	"He's such a hick he doesn't even have a trapeze in his bedroom."
 %
 QOTD:
-	How can I miss you if you won't go away?
+	"How can I miss you if you won't go away?"
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent."
@@ -40650,17 +39687,17 @@ QOTD:
 	"I haven't come far enough, and don't call me baby."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I love your outfit, does it come in your size?
+	"I love your outfit, does it come in your size?"
 %
 QOTD:
-	"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting posistion."
+	"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting position."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
 %
 QOTD:
-	I opened Pandora's box, let the cat out of the bag and put the
-	ball in their court.
+	"I opened Pandora's box, let the cat out of the bag and put the
+	ball in their court."
 		-- Hon. J. Hacker (The Ministry of Administrative Affairs)
 %
 QOTD:
@@ -40712,13 +39749,13 @@ QOTD:
 	"If I'm what I eat, I'm a chocolate chip cookie."
 %
 QOTD:
-	If it's too loud, you're too old.
+	"If it's too loud, you're too old."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it."
 %
 QOTD:
-	If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection.
+	"If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I'll listen to reason when it comes out on CD."
@@ -40727,7 +39764,7 @@ QOTD:
 	"I'm just a boy named 'su'..."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I'm not a nerd -- I'm "socially challenged".
+	"I'm not a nerd -- I'm 'socially challenged.'"
 %
 QOTD:
 	I'm not bald -- I'm "hair challenged".
@@ -40783,7 +39820,7 @@ QOTD:
 	all of my stuff."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I've heard about civil Engineers, but I've never met one.
+	"I've heard about civil Engineers, but I've never met one."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I've just learned about his illness.  Let's hope it's nothing
@@ -40794,19 +39831,19 @@ QOTD:
 %
 QOTD:
 	"Let's do it."
-		-- Gary Gilmore
+		-- Gary Gilmore, to his firing squad
 %
 QOTD:
 	"Like this rose, our love will wilt and die."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical
+	"Ludwig Boltzmann, who spend much of his life studying statistical
 	mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand.  Paul Ehrenfest, carrying
-	on the work, died similarly in 1933.  Now it is our turn.
+	on the work, died similarly in 1933.  Now it is our turn."
 		-- Goodstein, States of Matter
 %
 QOTD:
-	Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch.
+	"Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"My ambition is to marry a rich woman who's too proud to let
@@ -40816,7 +39853,7 @@ QOTD:
 	"My life is a soap opera, but who gets the movie rights?"
 %
 QOTD:
-	My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips.
+	"My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"My shampoo lasts longer than my relationships."
@@ -40842,23 +39879,23 @@ QOTD:
 	shoes on you and run you into the wall?"
 %
 QOTD:
-	Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
+	"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"She's about as smart as bait."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Silence is the only virtue he has left.
+	"Silence is the only virtue he has left."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Some people have one of those days.  I've had one of those lives.
+	"Some people have one of those days.  I've had one of those lives."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"Sure, I turned down a drink once.  Didn't understand the question."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Talent does what it can, genius what it must.
-	I do what I get paid to do.
+	"Talent does what it can, genius what it must.
+	I do what I get paid to do."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"The baby was so ugly they had to hang a pork chop around its
@@ -40868,8 +39905,8 @@ QOTD:
 	"The elder gods went to Suggoth and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
 %
 QOTD:
-	The forest may be quiet, but that doesn't mean
-	the snakes have gone away.
+	"The forest may be quiet, but that doesn't mean
+	the snakes have gone away."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm sure looking."
@@ -40885,7 +39922,7 @@ QOTD:
 	"Unlucky?  If I bought a pumpkin farm, they'd cancel Halloween."
 %
 QOTD:
-	"What do you mean, you had the dog fixed?   Just what made you
+	"What do you mean, you had the dog fixed?  Just what made you
 	think he was broken!"
 %
 QOTD:
@@ -40903,8 +39940,8 @@ QOTD:
 	"Wouldn't it be wonderful if real life supported control-Z?"
 %
 QOTD:
-	Y'know how s'm people treat th'r body like a TEMPLE?
-	Well, I treat mine like 'n AMUSEMENT PARK...  S'great...
+	"Y'know how s'm people treat th'r body like a TEMPLE?
+	Well, I treat mine like 'n AMUSEMENT PARK...  S'great..."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"You want me to put *holes* in my ears and hang things from them?
@@ -40914,34 +39951,34 @@ QOTD:
 	"You're so dumb you don't even have wisdom teeth."
 %
 QOTD:
-Everything I am today I owe to people, whom it is now
-to late to punish.
+	"Everything I am today I owe to people, whom it is now
+	too late to punish."
 %
 QOTD:
-I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down,
-then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble'.
+	"I looked out my window, and saw Kyle Pettys' car upside down,
+	then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble.'"
 		-- Davey Allison, on a 150 m.p.h. crash
 %
 QOTD:
-"I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking ..."
+	"I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking ..."
 		-- Kathy Ireland
 %
 QOTD:
-"It wouldn't have been anything, even if it were gonna be a thing."
+	"It wouldn't have been anything, even if it were gonna be a thing."
 %
 QOTD:
-Lack of planning on your part doesn't consitute an emergency
-on my part.
+	"A lack of advanced planning on your part does not constitute
+	an emergency on my part."
 %
 QOTD:
-On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say...  oh, somewhere in there.
+	"On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say...  oh, somewhere in there."
 %
 QOTD:
-Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
+	"Sacred cows make great hamburgers."
 %
 QOTD:
-The only easy way to tell a hamster from a gerbil is that the
-gerbil has more dark meat.
+	"The only easy way to tell a hamster from a gerbil is that the
+	gerbil has more dark meat."
 %
 Quack!
 	Quack!! Quack!!
@@ -40967,15 +40004,6 @@ QUARK:
 %
 Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
 %
-Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
-exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday.  Mannis feels he must
-devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might eminate
-from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
-Nazi Martin Bormann.  A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
-weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
-reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
-		-- Dennis Miller
-%
 question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;
 		-- Wm. Shakespeare
 %
@@ -41017,19 +40045,11 @@ After what you all have done, I find being "inhuman" a compliment.
 %
 QUOTE OF THE DAY:
 
-       `
+	`
 
 %
 Qvid me anxivs svm?
 %
-QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]:
-	1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69
-kiloliks), commonly used in structural engineering; 2.  [colloq.] one
-thirteenth the load that a fully grown sligo can carry; 3. [anat.] a
-painful irritation of the dermis in the region of the anus; 4. [slang]
-person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert.
-		-- Webster's Middle World Dictionary, 4th ed.
-%
 Radicalism:
 	The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.
 		-- A. Bierce
@@ -41070,7 +40090,7 @@ Rascal, am I?  Take THAT!
 		-- Errol Flynn
 %
 Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something I
-saw at the airport...   Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of computer
+saw at the airport...  Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of computer
 magazines right next to "People" and "Time" in the airport store.  Does it
 bother anyone else that half the world is being told all of our hard-won
 secrets of computer technology?  Remember how all the lawyers cried foul
@@ -41125,8 +40145,6 @@ Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
 %
 Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
 %
-Reagan can't act either.
-%
 Real computer scientists admire ADA for its overwhelming aesthetic
 value but they find it difficult to actually program in it, as it is
 much too large to implement.  Most computer scientists don't notice
@@ -41169,8 +40187,6 @@ Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the
 illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much
 good it did them.
 %
-Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
-%
 Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires
 you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers
 wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly
@@ -41200,7 +40216,7 @@ computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.
 Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and
 greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any
 moment.  They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that
-systems could be virtual at *___all* levels.  They would like personal
+systems could be virtual at *_a_l_l* levels.  They would like personal
 computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your
 DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run their
 Correctness Verification Aid packages.
@@ -41211,7 +40227,7 @@ using an undocumented external procedure.
 %
 Real Time, adj.:
 	Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there
-and then.
+	and then.
 %
 Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never
 afraid to break your face.
@@ -41250,8 +40266,6 @@ Reality always seems harsher in the early morning.
 %
 Reality does not exist - yet.
 %
-Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs.
-%
 Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
 %
 Reality is bad enough, why should I tell the truth?
@@ -41262,8 +40276,6 @@ Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
 %
 Reality is for people who lack imagination.
 %
-Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction.
-%
 Reality is just a convenient measure of complexity.
 		-- Alvy Ray Smith
 %
@@ -41272,8 +40284,8 @@ Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
 Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
-"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
-away".
+Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
+away.
 		-- Philip K. Dick
 %
 Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature
@@ -41333,6 +40345,7 @@ Recipe for a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:
 	(7) Sprinkle Zamphuor.
 	(8) Add an olive.
 	(9) Drink... but... very carefully...
+		-- Douglas Adams
 %
 Reclaimer, spare that tree!
 Take not a single bit!
@@ -41394,8 +40407,8 @@ extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.
 		-- John Hunt, British editor, scholar and art critic
 		   Cerf/Navasky, "The Experts Speak"
 %
-"Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
-it."
+Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used
+it.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
@@ -41413,7 +40426,7 @@ offense!
 %
 Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
 %
-Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
+Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 MPH are also timed for 70 MPH.
 		-- Jim Samuels
 %
 Remember, God could only create the world in 6 days because he didn't
@@ -41423,9 +40436,9 @@ Remember, Grasshopper, falling down 1000 stairs begins by tripping over
 the first one.
 		-- Confusion
 %
-"Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's
-*not* the U.S. Army doing it!"
-		-- Good Morning VietNam
+Remember, if it's being done correctly, here or abroad, it's
+*not* the U.S. Army doing it!
+		-- Good Morning, Vietnam
 %
 Remember kids, if there's a loaded gun in the room, be sure
 that you're the one holding it.
@@ -41461,7 +40474,7 @@ Yea, from the table of my memory
 I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,
 All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past,
 That youth and observation copied there.
-		-- William Shakespear, "Hamlet"
+		-- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
 %
 Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
 %
@@ -41489,15 +40502,10 @@ Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Repel them.  Repel them.  Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.
-		-- Indiana University footbal cheer
+		-- Indiana University football cheer
 %
 Reply hazy, ask again later.
 %
-Reporter:
-	A writer who guesses his way to the truth
-	and dispels it with a tempest of words.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
 Reporter:   "How did you like school when you were growing up, Yogi?"
 Yogi Berra: "Closed."
 %
@@ -41506,7 +40514,7 @@ Yogi Berra: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
 %
 Reporter, n.:
 	A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a
-tempest of words.
+	tempest of words.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 REPORTER: Senator, are you for or against the MX missile system?
@@ -41528,22 +40536,6 @@ Reporter (to Mahatma Gandhi):
 		Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
 Gandhi:		I think it would be a good idea.
 %
-Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows.
-Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.
-
-Democrats eat the fish they catch.
-Republicans hang them on the wall.
-
-Republican boys date Democratic girls.  They plan to marry
-Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.
-
-Democrats make up plans and then do something else.
-Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
-
-Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms.
-That is why there are more Democrats.
-		-- Paul Dickson, "The Official Rules"
-%
 Reputation, adj:
 	What others are not thinking about you.
 %
@@ -41609,9 +40601,9 @@ Review Questions
 Revolution, n:
 	A form of government abroad.
 %
-Revolution, n:
+Revolution, n.:
 	In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 revolutionary, adj:
 	Repackaged.
@@ -41636,7 +40628,7 @@ Richard Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life.
 He lied to his wife, his family, his friends, his colleagues in the Congress,
 lifetime members of his own political party, the American people, and the
 world.
-		-- Senator Barry Goldwater
+		-- Barry Goldwater
 %
 Riches cover a multitude of woes.
 		-- Menander
@@ -41652,7 +40644,7 @@ Renault:	"Oh.  Thank you very much."
 Riffle West Virginia is so small that the
 Boy Scout had to double as the town drunk.
 %
-"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
+Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 "Rights" is a fictional abstraction.  No one has "Rights", neither
@@ -41876,18 +40868,18 @@ Ryan's Law:
 	and you will establish yourself as an expert.
 %
 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
-RY                                                              RY
-RY  WELCOME TO THE BABBAGE ANALYTICAL TIMESHARING SERVICE       RY
-RY  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *       RY
-RY                                                              RY
+RY								RY
+RY  WELCOME TO THE BABBAGE ANALYTICAL TIMESHARING SERVICE	RY
+RY  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *	RY
+RY								RY
 RY  PLEASE NOTE THAT THE INTEGRATOR IS CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE    RY
 RY  DUE TO THE WEEKLY GREASING SCHEDULE. WOULD ALL USERS KINDLY RY
 RY  RETURN ANY UNUSED PLUGBOARDS, AS THE PROGRAMMING TEAM ARE   RY
 RY  RUNNING LOW. DIVISION UNIT 3 WILL BE OUT OF ACTION UNTIL    RY
 RY  THURSDAY DUE TO EMERGENCY COG REPLACEMENT - PLEASE ENSURE   RY
-RY  THAT YOUR PROGRAM DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO DIVIDE BY ZERO AS     RY
+RY  THAT YOUR PROGRAM DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO DIVIDE BY ZERO AS	RY
 RY  THIS CAN CAUSE SEVERE DAMAGE (INCLUDING SHAFT BREAKAGES).   RY
-RY                                                              RY
+RY								RY
 RYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRYRY
 .
 .
@@ -41952,7 +40944,7 @@ got started one night when George came home and found one burning in
 the ashtray."
 %
 Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
-		-- Heard on Noahs' ark
+		-- Heard on Noah's ark
 %
 Sailors in ships, sail on!
 Even while we died, others rode out the storm.
@@ -42016,14 +41008,14 @@ Sam:  Still pouring, Norm?
 Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
 		-- Cheers, Diane's Nightmare
 %
-Sam:  What's going on, Normie?
-Norm: My birthday, Sammy.  Give me a beer, stick a candle in
-      it, and I'll blow out my liver.
+Sam:	What's going on, Normie?
+Norm:	My birthday, Sammy.  Give me a beer, stick a candle in
+	it, and I'll blow out my liver.
 		-- Cheers, Where Have All the Floorboards Gone
 
-Woody: Hey, Mr. P.  How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
-Norm:  Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
-       Found him every couple of blocks.
+Woody:	Hey, Mr. P.  How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
+Norm:	Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
+	Found him every couple of blocks.
 		-- Cheers, Head Over Hill
 %
 Sam:  What's new, Norm?
@@ -42034,9 +41026,9 @@ Coach: Beer, Norm?
 Norm:  Naah, I'd probably just drink it.
 		-- Cheers, Now Pitching, Sam Malone
 
-Coach: What's doing, Norm?
-Norm:  Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst.  I happen
-       to be the guinea pig.
+Coach:	What's doing, Norm?
+Norm:	Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst.  I happen
+	to be the guinea pig.
 		-- Cheers, Let Me Count the Ways
 %
 SAN DIEGO:
@@ -42047,7 +41039,7 @@ San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city.  I don't mean the
 people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy.  When
 they boo you, you know they mean *you*.  Music, that's what it is to me.
 One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.
-		-- George Halas, professional footbal coach
+		-- George Halas, professional football coach
 %
 San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
 		-- Herb Caen
@@ -42214,12 +41206,12 @@ Schmidt's Observation:
 %
 Schnuffel, n.:
 	A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
-mixed company.
+	mixed company.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Schwiggle, n.:
 	The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
-pencil.
+	pencil.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
 %
 Science and religion are in full accord but
@@ -42413,7 +41405,7 @@ Sightlessly seeking
 Some savage, spectacular suicide.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad"
 %
-"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ..."
+See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ...
 %
 See, these two penguins walked into a bar, which was really stupid, 'cause
 the second one should have seen it.
@@ -42421,7 +41413,7 @@ the second one should have seen it.
 Seeing a commotion in Harvard Square, a man strolled over and asked what
 was going on.  One of the onlookers explained to him that there was a Mooney
 who had immersed himself in gasoline and was threatening to set fire to
-himself to demonstrate his committment to the Rev. Moon.  The man gasped and
+himself to demonstrate his commitment to the Rev. Moon.  The man gasped and
 asked what was being done to defuse the obviously dangerous situation.
 	"Well", replied the onlooker, "we're taking up a collection -- so
 far I've got two Bics, four Zippos and eighteen books of matches."
@@ -42530,7 +41522,7 @@ Seleznick's Theory of Holistic Medicine:
 %
 Self Test for Paranoia:
 	You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's
-your own fault.
+	your own fault.
 %
 Seminars, n.:
 	From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.
@@ -42539,21 +41531,10 @@ semper en excretus
 %
 SEMPER UBI SUB UBI!!!!
 %
-Sen. Danforth:	"There is nothing on the face of the album which would
-		notify you if the record has pornographic material or
-		material glorifying violence?"
-Tipper Gore:	"No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
-Frank Zappa:	"I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's
-		legs on the album cover is good indication that it's
-		not for little Johnny."
-
-		-- The Senate Commerce Committee hearing on rock
-		   lyrics, from The Village Voice, 6 Oct 1985
-%
 Senate, n.:
 	A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and
-misdemeanors.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	misdemeanors.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Send some filthy mail.
 %
@@ -42585,7 +41566,7 @@ Serfs up!
 Serocki's Stricture:
 	Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
 %
-Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
+Serving coffee on an aircraft causes turbulence.
 %
 Set the cart before the horse.
 		-- John Heywood
@@ -42633,8 +41614,8 @@ if you ain't got one to put in your belly, is extremely important.
 Sex is an emotion in motion.
 		-- Mae West
 %
-"Sex is as honest a product benefit for fragrance [perfume] as taste is
-for diet Coke."
+Sex is as honest a product benefit for fragrance [perfume] as taste is
+for diet Coke.
 		-- Malcolm DacDougall
 %
 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
@@ -42681,19 +41662,6 @@ Shame is an improper emotion invented by
 pietists to oppress the human race.
 		-- Robert Preston, Toddy, "Victor/Victoria"
 %
-Shamus, n. [Yiddish]:
-	A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
-temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.
-	A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog
-functionaries, and there's a joke about that:
-	A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the
-middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"  The cantor, not to be
-bested, also cries out, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
-	The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, "Oh, Lord, I
-am nobody!"  The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, "Look who thinks
-he's nobody!"
-		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
-%
 Shannon's Observation
 	Nothing is so frustrating as a bad situation
 	that is beginning to improve.
@@ -42708,7 +41676,7 @@ during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
 %
 Shaw's Principle:
 	Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
-want to use it.
+	want to use it.
 %
 She always believed in the old adage -- leave them while you're looking
 good.
@@ -42771,8 +41739,8 @@ She often gave herself very good advice
 She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.
 		-- Dorothy Parker, on a Kate Hepburn performance
 %
-"She said, `I know you ... you cannot sing'.  I said, `That's nothing,
-you should hear me play piano.'"
+	She said, "I know you ... you cannot sing."
+	I said, "That's nothing, you should hear me play piano."
 		-- Morrisey
 %
 She say, Miss Colie, You better hush.  God might hear you.
@@ -42954,7 +41922,7 @@ a walk would help, she put the baby in his carriage.  Silly Sally pushed the
 carriage and pushed the carriage up this hill and down that one.  She pushed
 the carriage up the highest hill in town, and ALL OF A SUDDEN!  It slipped out
 of her hands (OH! NO!) and it was headed at high speed for the busiest
-intersection in town.   BUT!
+intersection in town.  BUT!
 
 Silly Sally just laughed and la.....ug.......h....e....d...........
 BECAUSE!  SHE KNEW THERE WAS A STOP SIGN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL!
@@ -42982,7 +41950,7 @@ Simulated fortune:
 	letters that the time of who ever told the problem for an
 	unexpected.
 
-		-- by Claude E. Shannon.
+		-- by Claude E. Shannon
 %
 Simulations are like miniskirts, they show a lot and hide the essentials.
 		-- Hubert Kirrman
@@ -43109,7 +42077,7 @@ Slous' Contention:
 Slow day.
 Practice crawling.
 %
-Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
+Slowly and surely the Unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
 %
 Slurm, n.:
 	The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when
@@ -43191,7 +42159,7 @@ format called "Elroy", so *order yours now*.
 		-- Dave Barry, "No Surrender in the Electronics
 		   Revolution"
 %
-So... did you ever wonder, do garbagemen take showers before they
+So... did you ever wonder, do garbage men take showers before they
 go to work?
 %
 So do the noble fall.  For they are ever caught in a trap of their own making.
@@ -43215,9 +42183,9 @@ way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.
 %
 So from the depths of its enchantment, Terra was able to calculate a course
 of action.  Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Dirbanu on a
-friendly basis -- great Durbanu which, since it had force fields which Earth
+friendly basis -- great Dirbanu which, since it had force fields which Earth
 could not duplicate, must of necessity have many other things Earth could
-use; mighty Durbanu before whom we would kneel in supplication (with purely-
+use; mighty Dirbanu before whom we would kneel in supplication (with purely-
 for-defense bombs hidden in our pockets) with lowered heads (making invisible
 the knife in our teeth) and ask for crumbs from their table (in order to
 extrapolate the location of their kitchens).
@@ -43320,8 +42288,6 @@ Do you think you can tell?		Cold comfort for change?
 					For the lead role in a cage?
 		-- Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here"
 %
-So this is it.  We're going to die.
-%
 So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway?
 And why can't he ever remember his Bible?
 %
@@ -43337,11 +42303,11 @@ He knows if you've been bad or good,
 He has ties with the CIA.
 So...
 %
-"So you don't have to, Cindy, but I was wondering if you might
-	want to go to someplace, you know, with me, sometime."
-"Well, I can think of a lot of worse things, David."
-"Friday, then?"
-"Why not, David, it might even be fun."
+	"So you don't have to, Cindy, but I was wondering if you might
+want to go to someplace, you know, with me, sometime."
+	"Well, I can think of a lot of worse things, David."
+	"Friday, then?"
+	"Why not, David, it might even be fun."
 		-- Dating in Minnesota
 %
 So you see Antonio, why worry about one little core dump, eh?  In reality
@@ -43516,9 +42482,6 @@ and go to a mall.
 Some parts of the past must be preserved,
 and some of the future prevented at all costs.
 %
-Some people are afraid of heights.  I'm afraid of widths.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 Some people call them "cars" or "trucks"; I call them "dimensional
 transmogrifiers" because they change three-dimensional cats into
 two-dimensional ones.
@@ -43756,7 +42719,7 @@ Sometimes love ain't nothing but a misunderstanding between two fools.
 SOMETIMES THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD is so overwhelming, I just want to throw
 back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears
 me because I am beautiful.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking something.
 %
@@ -43835,7 +42798,7 @@ SPAGMUMPS:
 	Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
 		-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
 %
-"Spare no expense to save money on this one."
+Spare no expense to save money on this one.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
 %
 Spark's Sixth Rule for Managers:
@@ -43941,7 +42904,7 @@ young adventurers.  All available tonight, as usual, in the graduate
 students bullpen from 11: pm on, usual terms and conditions.
 Faculty members especially welcome.
 %
-"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
+Speed is subsittute fo accurancy.
 %
 Speed upon county roads will be limited to ten miles an hour unless the
 motorist sees a bailiff who does not appear to have had a drink in 30 days,
@@ -43964,7 +42927,7 @@ SPINSTER:
 %
 Spirtle, n.:
 	The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
-your eye.
+	your eye.
 		-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
 %
 Spock: The odds of surviving another
@@ -43974,7 +42937,7 @@ Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
 %
 Spouse, n.:
 	Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
-wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
+	wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
 %
 Spring is here, spring is here,
 Life is skittles and life is beer.
@@ -44089,7 +43052,7 @@ STATISTICS:
 	A system for expressing your political
 	prejudices in convincing scientific guise.
 %
-Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
+Statistics are no substitute for judgment.
 		-- Henry Clay
 %
 Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
@@ -44363,7 +43326,7 @@ Supervisee: Ah! Well, what do we mean by "to understand" in the context of
 	    Quantum Mechanics?
 Supervisor: You mean "No", don't you?
 Supervisee: Yes.
-		-- Overheard at a supervision.
+		-- Overheard at a supervision
 %
 Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
 %
@@ -44377,10 +43340,6 @@ Don't wear your motorcycle helmet.
 Support the Girl Scouts!
 	(Today's Brownie is tomorrow's Cookie!)
 %
-Support the right of unborn males to bear arms!
-		-- A public service announcement from Phyllis Schlafly,
-		   the Catholic Church, and the National Rifle Association
-%
 Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
 %
 Support your local church or synagogue.
@@ -44414,8 +43373,8 @@ Sure there are dishonest men in local government.  But there are dishonest
 men in national government too.
 		-- Richard M. Nixon
 %
-"Surely you can't be serious."
-"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
+	"Surely you can't be serious."
+	"I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
 %
 Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
 %
@@ -44423,7 +43382,7 @@ Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S Audit!
 Just type in your name and social security number.
 Please remember that leaving the room is punishable under law:
 
-Name       #
+Name	#
 
 
 %
@@ -44469,7 +43428,7 @@ I rush!
 Swipple's Rule of Order:
 	He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
 %
-Symbolic representation of quantitative  entities is doomed to its rightful
+Symbolic representation of quantitative entities is doomed to its rightful
 place of minor importance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
 		-- Albert Einstein
 %
@@ -44519,7 +43478,7 @@ Action Required:	Find someone who will buy you another beer.
 Symptom:		Floor moving.
 Fault:			You are being carried out.
 Action Required:	Find out if you are taken to another bar.  If not,
-			complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
+			complain loudly that you are being kidnaped.
 
 		-- Bar Troubleshooting
 %
@@ -44584,7 +43543,7 @@ T:	One big monster, he called TROLL.
 		-- The Roguelet's ABC
 %
 TACKY:
-	Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.
+	Serving grape Kool-Aid at religious functions.
 %
 Tact consists in knowing how far to go in going too far.
 		-- Jean Cocteau
@@ -44641,7 +43600,7 @@ Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
 Take your dying with some seriousness, however.
 Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood
 by less-advanced life-forms, and they'll call you crazy.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Take your Senator to lunch this week.
 %
@@ -44715,15 +43674,15 @@ Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
 %
 Taxes, n.:
 	Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get
-an extension.
+	an extension.
 %
 TCP/IP Slang Glossary, #1:
 
-Gong, n: Medieval term for privvy, or what pased for them in that era.
+Gong, n: Medieval term for privvy, or what passed for them in that era.
 Today used whimsically to describe the aftermath of a bogon attack. Think
 of our community as the Galapagos of the English language.
 
-"Vogons may read you bad poetry, but bogons make you study obsolete RFCs."
+Vogons may read you bad poetry, but bogons make you study obsolete RFCs.
 		-- Dave Mills
 %
 Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and,
@@ -44736,14 +43695,15 @@ TEAMWORK:
 %
 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
 %
-Technicality, n.  In an English court a man named Home was tried for
-slander in having accused a neighbor of murder.  His exact words were:
-"Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the
-head, so that one side of his head fell on one shoulder and the other
-side upon the other shoulder."  The defendant was acquitted by
-instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did
-not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that
-being only an inference.
+Technicality, n.:
+	In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in
+	having accused a neighbor of murder.  His exact words were: "Sir
+	Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the
+	head, so that one side of his head fell on one shoulder and the
+	other side upon the other shoulder."  The defendant was
+	acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges
+	holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not
+	affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Teeth for meat is in mouth
@@ -44777,10 +43737,10 @@ but weren't sure.  But if you're searching for something you don't
 already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death.
 		-- Erma Bombeck
 %
-telephone, n.:
+Telephone, n.:
 	An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of
-making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+	making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 TELEPRESSION:
 	The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing that you did not try
@@ -44934,9 +43894,9 @@ Texas is Hell on woman and horses.
 %
 Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
 %
-"Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
-one which cannot be justified on any other grounds."
-		-- J. Finnegan, USC.
+Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even
+one which cannot be justified on any other grounds.
+		-- J. Finnegan, USC
 %
 Thank God I've always avoided persecuting my enemies.
 		-- Adolf Hitler
@@ -44949,7 +43909,7 @@ Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
 That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.
 		-- Charles Chincholles, "Pensees de tout le monde"
 %
-"That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver"
+That boy's about as sharp as a pound of wet liver.
 		-- Foghorn Leghorn
 %
 That does not compute.
@@ -45116,7 +44076,7 @@ he is already degraded.
 %
 The aim of science is to seek the simplest explanations of complex
 facts.  Seek simplicity and distrust it.
-		-- Whitehead.
+		-- Whitehead
 %
 The alarm clock that is louder than God's own
 belongs to the roommate with the earliest class.
@@ -45125,8 +44085,8 @@ The algorithm for finding the longest path in a graph is NP-complete.
 For you systems people, that means it's *real slow*.
 		-- Bart Miller
 %
-"The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
-someone with it."
+The algorithm to do that is extremely nasty.  You might want to mug
+someone with it.
 		-- M. Devine, Computer Science 340
 %
 The all-softening overpowering knell,
@@ -45144,7 +44104,7 @@ Film at 11:00.
 %
 The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the
 eagle -- on the back of a dollar.
-		-- Finlay Peter Dunne
+		-- Finley Peter Dunne
 %
 The American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it Capitalism,
 call it what you like, gives each and every one of us a great
@@ -45193,7 +44153,7 @@ doctors nor lawyers.
 The annual meeting of the "You Have To Listen To Experience" Club is now in
 session.  Our Achievement Awards this year are in the fields of publishing,
 advertising and industry.  For best consistent contribution in the field of
-publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivalled alle-
+publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivaled alle-
 giance without variation to the statement: "Personally I'd love to do it,
 we'd ALL love to do it.  But we're not going to do it.  It's not the kind of
 book our house knows how to handle."  Our superior performance award in the
@@ -45313,9 +44273,9 @@ The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that
 carries any reward.
 		-- John Maynard Keynes
 %
-"The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
+The bad reputation UNIX has gotten is totally undeserved, laid on by
 people who don't understand, who have not gotten in there and tried
-anything."
+anything.
 		-- Jim Joyce, owner of Jim Joyce's UNIX Bookstore
 %
 The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn,
@@ -45504,12 +44464,6 @@ man can see it for what it is and read it for himself.
 The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.
 		-- Nora Ephron
 %
-The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen
-and all of a sudden they've reached puberty, they believe that they like
-women.  Actually, you're just horny.  It doesn't mean you like women any
-more at twenty-one than you did at ten.
-		-- Jules Feiffer
-%
 The big question is why in the course of evolution the males permitted
 themselves to be so totally eclipsed by the females.  Why do they tolerate
 this total subservience, this wretched existence as outcasts who are
@@ -45558,7 +44512,7 @@ hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
 for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
 during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
 but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-		-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 The boy stood on the burning deck,
 Eating peanuts by the peck.
@@ -45618,8 +44572,8 @@ written in 1830.  The full line reveals why it is so bad:
 The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding
 bureaucracy.
 %
-"The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
-flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language."
+The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the
+flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.
 %
 The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better
 people, and don't come in clearly enough.
@@ -45627,10 +44581,10 @@ people, and don't come in clearly enough.
 %
 The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
 sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first
-time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
+time since the journey began -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
 into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent
 with Basil.
-		-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 The camel has a single hump;
 The dromedary two;
@@ -45659,7 +44613,7 @@ The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
 %
 The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-destruction.
 %
-"The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain."
+The chain which can be yanked is not the eternal chain.
 		-- G. Fitch
 %
 The chains of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, and
@@ -45709,7 +44663,7 @@ is when he fills out a job application form.
 		-- Stanley J. Randall
 %
 The clothes have no emperor.
-		-- C. A. R. Hoare, commenting on ADA.
+		-- C. A. R. Hoare, commenting on ADA
 %
 The coast was clear.
 		-- Lope de Vega
@@ -45781,7 +44735,7 @@ The computer is to the information industry roughly what the
 central power station is to the electrical industry.
 		-- Peter Drucker
 %
-"The Computer made me do it."
+The Computer made me do it.
 %
 The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
 		-- Alan Perlis
@@ -45837,7 +44791,7 @@ female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
 rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
 would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
 career.
-		-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 The course of true anything never does run smooth.
 		-- Samuel Butler
@@ -45845,12 +44799,12 @@ The course of true anything never does run smooth.
 The courtroom was pregnant (pun intended) with anxious silence as the
 judge solemnly considered his verdict in the paternity suit before him.
 Suddenly, he reached into the folds of his robes, drew out a cigar and
-cermoniously handed it to the defendant.
+ceremoniously handed it to the defendant.
 	"Congratulations!" declaimed the jurist.  "You have just become a
 father!"
 %
 The covers of this book are too far apart.
-		-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.
+		-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce
 %
 The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
 		-- John McNulty
@@ -45920,9 +44874,9 @@ Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
 %
 The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
 %
-"The deceased was killed by 1207.3557298 Volts AC RMS applied by
+The deceased was killed by 1207.3557298 Volts AC RMS applied by
 accident when he brushed against the output terminal of a John B.
-Fluke Company High Voltage Calibrator."
+Fluke Company High Voltage Calibrator.
 		-- fictitious coroner's report by Mike Andrews
 %
 The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
@@ -45952,7 +44906,7 @@ into a drawer.
 young man opened the first envelope, which said, "Blame it all on me."
 	The next day, he held a press conference and did just that.  The
 crisis passed.
-	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleagured
+	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleaguered
 manager opened the second envelope.  It said, "Reorganize."
 	He held another press conference, announcing that the division
 would be restructured.  The crisis passed.
@@ -46064,9 +45018,9 @@ Jewish.  Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous.
 	"Kool-Aid is goyish.  All Drake's Cakes are goyish.
 Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish.
 Instant potatoes -- goyish.  Black cherry soda's very Jewish.
-Macaroons are ____very Jewish.  Fruit salad is Jewish.  Lime Jell-O is
-goyish.  Lime soda is ____very goyish.  Trailer parks are so goyish that
-Jews won't go near them ..."
+Macaroons are _v_e_r_y Jewish.  Fruit salad is Jewish.  Lime Jell-O is
+goyish.  Lime soda is _v_e_r_y goyish.  Trailer parks are so goyish that
+Jews won't go near them."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
 The distinction between true and false appears to become
@@ -46116,22 +45070,22 @@ The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
 The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
 add ten percent.
 %
-"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly
-teaches me to suspect that my own is also."
+The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly
+teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
 
-"I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it
+I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it
 or to weaken it.  I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his
 hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be.
 But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life -- hence it is a
-valuable posession to him."
+valuable possession to him.
 
-"I do not see how eternal punishment hereafter could accomplish any good
+I do not see how eternal punishment hereafter could accomplish any good
 end, therefore I am not able to believe in it. To chasten a man in order
 to perfect him might be reasonable enough; to annihilate him when he shall
 have proved himself incapable of reaching perfection might be reasonable
 enough; but to roast him forever for the mere satisfaction of seeing him
 roast would not be reasonable -- even the atrocious God imagined by the Jews
-would tire of the spectacle eventually."
+would tire of the spectacle eventually.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
@@ -46151,7 +45105,7 @@ Compute' -- I forget which."
 The Encyclopaedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed
 to do the work of a man.  The marketing division of Sirius Cybernetics
 Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With'.
-The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the
+The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing division of the
 Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the
 first against the wall when the revolution comes', with a footnote to effect
 that the editors would welcome applications from anyone interested in taking
@@ -46220,11 +45174,6 @@ Western country, insufficient knowledge of Communist literature, and others.
 	"What is your name?"
 	"Karl Marx."
 %
-[The ERA] encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children,
-practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
-		-- Pat Robertson, Man of God and serious Republican
-		   presidential aspirant.
-%
 The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute
 for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is
 a substitute for intelligence.
@@ -46272,7 +45221,7 @@ The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a
 remarkable Christian forbearance among men.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
 %
-The fact that hitler was a politcal genius unmasks the nature of politics
+The fact that Hitler was a political genius unmasks the nature of politics
 in general as no other can.
 		-- Wilhelm Reich
 %
@@ -46322,7 +45271,7 @@ either a Q-KR5 check or the loss of his queen.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
 The father, passing through his son's college town late one evening on a
-business trip, thought he would pay his boy a suprise visit.  Arriving at the
+business trip, thought he would pay his boy a surprise visit.  Arriving at the
 lad's fraternity house, dad rapped loudly on the door.  After several minutes
 of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second-floor window,
 	"Whaddaya want?"
@@ -46355,10 +45304,10 @@ husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism
 and become lesbians."
 %
 The Feynman Problem-Solving Algorithm:
-        (1) write down the problem.
-        (2) think very hard.
-        (3) write down the answer.
-                -- Murray Gell-Mann
+	(1) write down the problem.
+	(2) think very hard.
+	(3) write down the answer.
+		-- Murray Gell-Mann
 %
 The Fifth Rule:
 	You have taken yourself too seriously.
@@ -46383,7 +45332,7 @@ to man are contained in it.
 		-- Abraham Lincoln
 
 ... the Bible ... is the one supreme source of revelation of the meaning of
-life, the nature of God and spirtual nature and need of men.  It is the only
+life, the nature of God and spiritual nature and need of men.  It is the only
 guide of life which really leads the spirit in the way of peace and salvation.
 		-- Woodrow Wilson
 %
@@ -46458,8 +45407,8 @@ The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
 		-- Paul Erlich
 %
-"The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your
-hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do."
+The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste your time waving your
+hands and hoping when a rock or a club will do.
 		-- McCloctnik the Lucid
 %
 The First Rule of Program Optimization:
@@ -46535,7 +45484,7 @@ completely surrounded by people who want some.
 The forest is safe because a lion lives therein and the lion is safe
 because it lives in a forest.  Likewise the friendship of persons
 rests on mutual help.
-		-- Laukikanyay.
+		-- Laukikanyay
 %
 The fortune program is supported, in part, by user contributions
 and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
@@ -46543,9 +45492,6 @@ and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
 The founding fathers tried to set up a judicial system where the accused
 received a fair trial, not a system to insure an acquittal on technicalities.
 %
-The founding fathers tried to set up a system where a man got a fair
-trial, not a system to get let him get off on technicalities.
-%
 The fountain code has been tightened slightly so you can no longer dip
 objects into a fountain or drink from one while you are floating in mid-air
 due to levitation.
@@ -46553,8 +45499,8 @@ due to levitation.
 if the character does not have fire resistance.
 		-- README file from the NetHack game
 %
-"The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
-vinyl."
+The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and
+vinyl.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
 [The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
@@ -46647,10 +45593,10 @@ is your move.
 The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:
 	He who has the gold makes the rules.
 %
-"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
+The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who
 make empty prophecies.  The danger already exists that mathematicians
 have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine
-man in the bonds of Hell."
+man in the bonds of Hell.
 		-- St. Augustine
 %
 The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
@@ -46717,7 +45663,7 @@ The goys have proven the following theorem...
 %
 The grand leap of the whale up the Fall of Niagara is esteemed, by all
 who have seen it, as one of the finest spectacles in nature.
-		-- Benjamin Franklin.
+		-- Benjamin Franklin
 %
 The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
 %
@@ -46768,7 +45714,7 @@ unimaginable hell.
 NEW -- SICKENING HORROR to make your STOMACH TURN and FLESH CRAWL!
 		-- Frankenstein's Bloody Terror (1968)
 
-LUST-MAD MEN AND LAWLESS WOMEN IN A VICIOUS AND SENTUOUS ORGY OF
+LUST-MAD MEN AND LAWLESS WOMEN IN A VICIOUS AND SENSUOUS ORGY OF
 SLAUGHTER!
 		-- Five Bloody Graves (1969)
 
@@ -46828,8 +45774,7 @@ The Great Movie Posters:
 HOT STEEL BETWEEN THEIR LEGS!
 		-- The Cycle Savages (1969)
 
-The Hand that Rocks the Cradle...   Has no Flesh on It!
-
+The Hand that Rocks the Cradle...  Has no Flesh on It!
 		-- Who Slew Auntie Roo? (1971)
 
 TWO GREAT BLOOD HORRORS TO RIP OUT YOUR GUTS!
@@ -46851,8 +45796,8 @@ Do Native Women Live With Apes?
 JUNGLE KISS!!
 	When she looked into his eyes, felt his arms around her -- she
 was no longer Tura, mysterious white goddess of the jungle tribes --
-she was no longer the frozen-harted high priestess under whose hypnotic
-spell the worshippers of the great crocodile god meekly bowed -- she
+she was no longer the frozen-hearted high priestess under whose hypnotic
+spell the worshipers of the great crocodile god meekly bowed -- she
 was a girl in love!
 	SEE the ravening charge of the hundred scared CROCODILES!
 		-- Her Jungle Love (1938)
@@ -46868,15 +45813,15 @@ POWERFUL! SHOCKING! RAW! ROUGH! CHALLENGING! SEE A LITTLE GIRL MOLESTED!
 She Sins in Mobile --
 Marries in Houston --
 Loses Her Baby in Dallas --
-Leaves Her Husband in Tuscon --
+Leaves Her Husband in Tucson --
 MEETS HARRU IN SAN DIEGO!...
 FIRST -- HARLOW!
 THEN -- MONROE!
 NOW -- McCLANAHAN!!!
-		-- The Rotton Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
+		-- The Rotten Apple (1963), Rue McClanahan
 
 *NOT FOR SISSIES! DON'T COME IF YOU'RE CHICKEN!
-A Horrifying Movie of Wierd Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
+A Horrifying Movie of Weird Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
 1001 WIERDEST SCENES EVER!!  MOST SHOCKING THRILLER OF THE CENTURY!
 		-- Teenage Psycho meets Bloody Mary (1964)  (Alternate Title:
 		   The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and
@@ -46976,7 +45921,7 @@ The nightmare terror of the slithering eye that unleashed agonizing
 horror on a screaming world!
 		-- The Crawling Eye (1958)
 
-SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, scyscraper limbs,
+SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs,
 giant desires!
 		-- Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman (1958)
 
@@ -47048,7 +45993,7 @@ The Greatest Mathematical Error
 July 1962 towards Venus.  After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
 give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells
 would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course
-corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,
+corrections and after 100 days the craft would circle the unknown planet,
 scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
 	However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I
 plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
@@ -47075,9 +46020,6 @@ would have been useful to the chicken.
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "On Induction"
 %
 The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce.
-		-- Galbraith
-%
-The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
 		-- J. K. Galbraith
 %
 The hardest part of climbing the ladder of
@@ -47180,8 +46122,8 @@ The human brain is a wonderful thing.  It starts working the moment
 you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
 		-- Sir George Jessel
 %
-"The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
-has gills through which it can see."
+The human brain is like an enormous fish -- it is flat and slimy and
+has gills through which it can see.
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of
@@ -47248,7 +46190,7 @@ are right and when they are wrong, are more powerful than is generally
 understood.  Indeed, the world is ruled by little else.
 		-- John Maynard Keyes
 %
-"The identical is equal to itself, since it is different."
+The identical is equal to itself, since it is different.
 		-- Franco Spisani
 %
 The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
@@ -47256,8 +46198,8 @@ The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
 The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
 		-- Quintus Ennius
 %
-"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit
-longer."
+The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit
+longer.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
 The Illiterati Programus Canto 1:
@@ -47298,7 +46240,7 @@ number of participants.
 The introduction of a new kind of music must be shunned as imperiling
 the whole state, for styles of music are never disturbed without
 affecting the most important political institutions. ...  The new
-style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quitely insinuates itself into
+style, gradually gaining a lodgement, quietly insinuates itself into
 manners and customs, and from it ... goes on to attack laws and
 constitutions, displaying the utmost impudence, until it ends by
 overturning everything.
@@ -47328,8 +46270,8 @@ Commandments.  Finally a tired Moses came into sight.
 good news is that I got Him down to ten.  The bad news is that adultery's
 still in."
 %
-"The jig's up, Elman."
-"Which jig?"
+	"The jig's up, Elman."
+	"Which jig?"
 		-- Jeff Elman
 %
 The Junior God now heads the roll
@@ -47389,8 +46331,7 @@ A:	"Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running
 	the dust clears."
 K:	"And?"
 A:	"If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
-K:	"But what about the
-^#!!$% battle plan?"
+K:	"But what about the ^#!!$% battle plan?"
 A:	"So far, it seems to be going according to specks."
 %
 The knowledge that makes us cherish
@@ -47507,7 +46448,7 @@ works of Shakespeare.
 legibility.  Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms.  The
 remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
 	The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
-the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
+the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The History of the
 French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
@@ -47725,8 +46666,8 @@ The longer the title, the less important the job.
 The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
 		-- Marcus Terentius Varro
 %
-"The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
-we could with both of them."
+The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as
+we could with both of them.
 		-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
 %
 The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
@@ -47744,7 +46685,7 @@ the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
 her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
 Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
 steel through your last meal!'
-		-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
 %
@@ -47770,7 +46711,7 @@ bonds will eventually mature.
 The major sin is the sin of being born.
 		-- Samuel Beckett
 %
-The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutang trying to play
+The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play
 the violin.
 		-- Honore DeBalzac
 %
@@ -47860,11 +46801,11 @@ while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
 The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice
 and tragedy.  What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the
 master calls a butterfly.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of
 husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism
-are one, and that one is marxism.
+are one, and that one is Marxism.
 		-- Heidi Hartmann,
 		   "The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism"
 %
@@ -47974,10 +46915,6 @@ The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
 %
 The Moral Majority is neither.
 %
-The more complex the mind, the greater
-the need for the simplicity of play.
-		-- Captain Kirk, "Shore Leave"
-%
 The more control, the more that requires control.
 %
 The more cordial the buyers secretary, the greater
@@ -47985,8 +46922,8 @@ the odds that the competition already has the order.
 %
 The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
 %
-"The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
-lower the mailing cost."
+The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the
+lower the mailing cost.
 		-- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
 %
 The more I know men the more I like my horse.
@@ -48064,8 +47001,8 @@ the country is the one on which you resell it.
 The most difficult thing about surviving AIDS
 is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
 %
-"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
-to watch someone else do it wrong without comment."
+The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and
+to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
 		-- Theodore H. White
 %
 The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
@@ -48187,8 +47124,8 @@ The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
 The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe.
 		-- Chester Gould/Dick Tracy
 %
-"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
-1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
+The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
+1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
@@ -48230,10 +47167,10 @@ in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
 
 		-- Matthew 5:37
 %
-"The New York Times is read by the people who run the country.  The
+The New York Times is read by the people who run the country.  The
 Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country.
 The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive
-and running the country ..."
+and running the country ...
 		-- Robert J Woodhead
 %
 The next person to mention spaghetti stacks
@@ -48265,7 +47202,7 @@ The notes blatted skyward as the rose over the Canada geese, feathered
 rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen
 bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim,
 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
-		-- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
+		-- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest
 %
 The notion of a "record" is an obsolete
 remnant of the days of the 80-column card.
@@ -48294,7 +47231,7 @@ The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.
 		-- The Unix Programmer's Manual, 2nd Edition, June 1972
 %
 The NY Times is read by the people who run the country.  The Washington Post
-is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer
+is read by the people who think they run the country.  The National Enquirer
 is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country.
 		-- Robert Woodhead
 %
@@ -48348,7 +47285,7 @@ to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing go the
 floor.
 
 "Sorry," he said with a smile.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
 %
@@ -48360,7 +47297,7 @@ The older I grow, the more I distrust the
 familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity.
+The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 The one good thing about repeating your
@@ -48472,7 +47409,7 @@ The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the best method
 for getting acquainted.
 		-- Heywood Broun
 %
-"The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon."
+The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
@@ -48504,10 +47441,6 @@ The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that
 the first one was useless.
 		-- Nicolas Chamfort
 %
-The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
-It is never any use to oneself.
-		-- Oscar Wilde
-%
 The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
 		-- Earl Warren
 
@@ -48523,12 +47456,12 @@ nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from what happened
 this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long view.
 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
 %
-"The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
-history."
+The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from
+history.
 		-- Hegel
 
-"I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
-long view."
+I know guys can't learn from yesterday ... Hegel must be taking the
+long view.
 		-- John Brunner, "Stand on Zanzibar"
 %
 The only thing which separates man from child is all the values
@@ -48594,8 +47527,8 @@ God, it's hell when you know this could be your last day,
 But it's better than working for Xerox.
 		-- Frank Hayes, "Don't Ask"
 %
-"The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
-went back in time."
+The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
+went back in time.
 		-- Steven Wright
 %
 The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
@@ -48667,7 +47600,7 @@ is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of pantyhose"
 %
 The philosopher's treatment of a question
 is like the treatment of an illness.
-		-- Wittgenstein.
+		-- Wittgenstein
 %
 The Phone Booth Rule:
 	A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
@@ -48720,7 +47653,7 @@ begged that his life be spared.  When asked his reason, Sir John replied,
 worst poet in England."
 		-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
 %
-The poetry of heroism appeals irresitably to those who don't go to a war,
+The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a war,
 and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy."
 		-- Celine
 %
@@ -48745,8 +47678,8 @@ The pollution's at that awkward stage.
 Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.
 		-- Doug Sneyd
 %
-"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
-often."
+The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more
+often.
 %
 The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.
 		-- Anthony Burgess
@@ -48778,7 +47711,7 @@ they might force their beliefs on us.
 		-- Mario Cuomo
 %
 The price of success in philosophy is triviality.
-		-- C. Glymour.
+		-- C. Glymour
 %
 The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate
 knowledge of its ugly side.
@@ -48901,9 +47834,9 @@ The purpose of Physics 7A is to make the engineers realize that they're
 not perfect, and to make the rest of the people realize that they're not
 engineers.
 %
-"The pyramid is opening!"
-"Which one?"
-"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
+	"The pyramid is opening!"
+	"Which one?"
+	"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
 		-- Firesign Theater, "How Can You Be In Two Places At
 		   Once When You're Not Anywhere At All"
 %
@@ -48959,7 +47892,7 @@ The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is
 cursed.
 %
 The real man's Bloody Mary:
-	Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tobasco, Worcestershire
+	Ingredients: vodka, tomato juice, Tabasco, Worcestershire
 	sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
 
 	Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
@@ -49009,9 +47942,9 @@ progress depends on the unreasonable man.
 		-- George Bernard Shaw
 %
 The reasons that each of these countries has had to renege on its
-financial committments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
+financial commitments were all somewhat different: Argentina because of
 a war, Poland because of its vast misguided overinvestment in heavy
-industry, Honduras because the coffeee price went sour, Zaire because
+industry, Honduras because the coffee price went sour, Zaire because
 nobody in the government there has a clue as to how to run a country.
 		-- Paul Erdman's Money Book
 %
@@ -49052,8 +47985,8 @@ The haves get more, the have-nots die.
 The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
 This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
 %
-"The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
-and to his imagination for his facts."
+The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
+and to his imagination for his facts.
 		-- Sheridan
 %
 The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
@@ -49090,7 +48023,7 @@ The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
 		-- J. Gooding
 %
 The road to ruin is always in good repair,
-and the travellers pay the expense of it.
+and the travelers pay the expense of it.
 		-- Josh Billings
 %
 The Roman Rule
@@ -49130,13 +48063,13 @@ The rules:
 	card decks together.
 4:  Thou shalt not get physically involved with the computer system,
 	especially if you're already married.
-5:  Thou shalt not use magnetic tapes as frisbees, nor use a disk pack as
+5:  Thou shalt not use magnetic tapes as Frisbees, nor use a disk pack as
 	a stool to reach another disk pack.
 6:  Thou shalt not stare at the blinking lights for more than one 8 hour
 	shift.
 7:  Thou shalt not tell users that you accidentally destroyed their
 	files/backup just to see the look on their little faces.
-8:  Thou shalt not enjoy cancelling a job.
+8:  Thou shalt not enjoy canceling a job.
 9:  Thou shalt not display firearms in the computer room.
 10: Thou shalt not push buttons "just to see what happens".
 %
@@ -49317,8 +48250,8 @@ The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
 The somewhat old and crusty vicar was taking a well-earned retirement from
 his rather old and crusty parish.  As is usual in these cases, a locum was
 sent to cover the transition period.  This particular man was young and
-active, and had the strange notion that church should also be avtive and
-exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little dissapointed with the
+active, and had the strange notion that church should also be active and
+exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little disappointed with the
 dull and tradition-bound church.  He decided to do something about it.
 	For his first Sunday, he didn't wear the traditional robes and
 vestments, but lead the service wearing a nice 2-piece suit.  The congregation
@@ -49337,7 +48270,7 @@ sir, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."
 The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money.
 		-- Ed Bluestone, The National Lampoon
 %
-"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!"
+The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!
 %
 The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you will be
 able to correct them.
@@ -49350,7 +48283,7 @@ In town a noun might wear a gown,
 or further down, might dress a clown.
 A noun that's sound would never clown,
 but unsound nouns jump up and down.
-The sound of a noun could distrub the plowing,
+The sound of a noun could disturb the plowing,
 and then, my dear, you'd be put in the pound.
 But please don't let that get you down,
 the renown of your gown is the talk of the town.
@@ -49445,15 +48378,15 @@ The strong give up and move on, while the weak give up and stay.
 %
 The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts for recurrence.  He
 can smile in the face of the most terrible thought: meaningless, aimless
-existance recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
-that he has the strength to recognise -- and to live with the recognition --
+existence recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
+that he has the strength to recognize -- and to live with the recognition --
 that the world is valueless in itself and that all values are human ones.
-He creates himself by fashoning his own values; he has the pride to live
+He creates himself by fashioning his own values; he has the pride to live
 by the values he wills.
 		-- Nietzsche
 %
-"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
-is an emerging underachiever."
+The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
+is an emerging underachiever.
 %
 The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant
 biology.
@@ -49495,7 +48428,7 @@ the inferior man understands what will sell.
 The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their
 way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other,
 whom he assumes to have perfect vision.  Each tends to ascribe to the other
-side a consistency, forsight and coherence that its own experience belies.
+side a consistency, foresight and coherence that its own experience belies.
 Of course, even two blind men can do enormous damage to each other, not to
 speak of the room.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
@@ -49628,7 +48561,7 @@ The Third Law of Photography:
 	when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of
 	the dark leaks out.
 %
-The thought of being President fightens me and I do not think I
+The thought of being President frightens me and I do not think I
 want the job.
 		-- Ronald Reagan in 1973
 
@@ -49675,7 +48608,8 @@ THE THREE MOST COMMONLY-ASKED QUESTIONS AT DISNEYLAND:
 %
 The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a
 soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with
-an idea. -- The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook
+an idea.
+		-- The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook
 %
 The three questions of greatest concern are -- 1. Is it attractive?
 2. Is it amusing?  3. Does it know its place?
@@ -49703,7 +48637,7 @@ committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
 %
 The time was the 19th of May, 1780.  The place was Hartford, Connecticut.
 The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of
-Judgement Day.  For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by
+Judgment Day.  For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by
 mid-afternoon had blackened over so densely that, in that religious age,
 men fell on their knees and begged a final blessing before the end came.
 The Connecticut House of Representatives was in session.  And, as some of
@@ -49730,7 +48664,7 @@ but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.
 %
 The trouble with a kitten is that
 When it grows up, it's always a cat
-		-- Ogden Nash.
+		-- Ogden Nash
 %
 The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
 %
@@ -49978,10 +48912,8 @@ then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend.
 A man seated on the other side of the room with a date of his own beckoned
 to the waiter and said, "We'll have two of whatever she was drinking."
 %
-"The voters have spoken, the bastards ..."
-%
-"The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
-it's just a tired feeling:"
+The wages of sin are death; but after they're done taking out taxes,
+it's just a tired feeling.
 %
 The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
 %
@@ -50023,8 +48955,6 @@ The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
 The way to make a small fortune in the
 commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
 %
-The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful.
-%
 The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
 My thoughts aren't too clear, but don't run away.
 My girlfriend's a bore; my job is too dutiful.
@@ -50123,7 +49053,7 @@ The world is not octal despite DEC.
 The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums.
 It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish.
 You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
 %
@@ -50133,8 +49063,6 @@ It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
 The world wants to be deceived.
 		-- Sebastian Brant
 %
-The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
-%
 The world's as ugly as sin,
 And almost as delightful
 		-- Frederick Locker-Lampson
@@ -50220,7 +49148,7 @@ one juror revealed that he was completely deaf and did not have the
 remotest clue what was happening.
 	The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any
 evidence at all and, when there was no reply, dismissed him.
-	The excitement which this caused was only equalled when a second
+	The excitement which this caused was only equaled when a second
 juror revealed that he spoke not a word of English.  A fluent French
 speaker, he exhibited great surprised when told, after two days, that he
 was hearing a murder trial.
@@ -50309,7 +49237,7 @@ because inmates sometimes missed roll-call or hid, but usually came back
 the next morning.
 	"We only found out about the escape at 6:30 the next morning when
 one of the prisoners told us," a warder said later.  [...]  When they
-eventually checked, the prison guards found that exactly half of the gaol's
+eventually checked, the prison guards found that exactly half of the jail's
 population was missing.  By way of explanation the Justice Minister, Dr.
 Santos Pais, claimed that the escape was "normal" and part of the
 "legitimate desire of the prisoner to regain his liberty."
@@ -50397,17 +49325,17 @@ right.
 %
 Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
 %
-Then there was the ScoutMaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
-Tates brand compasses for his troup; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
+Then there was the Scoutmaster who got a fantastic deal on this case of
+Tates brand compasses for his troop; only $1.25 each!  Only problem was,
 when they got them out in the woods, the compasses were all stuck pointing
 to the "W" on the dial.
 
 Moral:
 	He who has a Tates is lost!
 %
-"Then you admit confirming not denying you ever said that?"
-"NO! ... I mean Yes!  WHAT?"
-"I'll put `maybe.'"
+	"Then you admit confirming not denying you ever said that?"
+	"NO! ... I mean Yes!  WHAT?"
+	"I'll put `maybe.'"
 		-- Bloom County
 %
 Theology is an attempt to explain a subject by men who do not understand
@@ -50429,7 +49357,7 @@ Proceed by induction:
 	So A = B.
 
 Assume that the theorem is true for some value k.  Take A and B with
-	MAX(A, B) = k+1.  Then  MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k.  And hence
+	MAX(A, B) = k+1.  Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k.  And hence
 	(A-1) = (B-1).  Consequently, A = B.
 %
 Theorem: All programs are dull.
@@ -50491,8 +49419,8 @@ and there are few mistakes they have ever avoided.
 		-- Winston Churchill, Parliament, August, 1945
 %
 There are four boxes to be used in defense of liberty: soap, ballot,
-jury, and ammo. Please use in that order. 
-		-- Ed Howdershelt 
+jury, and ammo. Please use in that order.
+		-- Ed Howdershelt
 %
 There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
 and praiseworthy ...
@@ -50604,10 +49532,6 @@ I know I'll often stop and think about them
 In my life I'll love you more.
 		-- Lennon/McCartney, "In My Life", 1965
 %
-There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a
-vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
 There are running jobs.
 Why don't you go chase them?
 %
@@ -50630,11 +49554,11 @@ There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life
 is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
 		-- David Nichols
 %
-"There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
+There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and
 fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here
 and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for
 wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
-your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence."
+your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII
 %
 There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
@@ -50642,9 +49566,9 @@ There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
 %
 There are three kinds of people: men, women, and unix.
 %
-"There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
+There are three possibilities: Pioneer's solar panel has turned away
 from the sun; there's a large meteor blocking transmission; or someone
-loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor."
+loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
 %
 There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
 offered: entertainment, food, and affection.  It is customary to begin
@@ -50655,9 +49579,9 @@ When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
 Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
 		-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
 %
-"There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
+There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and
 engineers.  While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far
-the more certain."
+the more certain.
 		-- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
 %
 There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need
@@ -50742,14 +49666,10 @@ like you are going to die and you're afraid that you won't.
 There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before
 marriage and after marriage.
 %
-There are two types of people in this world, good and bad.  The good
-sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
-"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
+There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
 make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
 other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
-deficiencies."
+deficiencies.
 		-- C. A. R. Hoare
 %
 There are two ways of disliking art.
@@ -50778,7 +49698,7 @@ together we'll face the world.
 		-- Andy Stewart, "After the Hush"
 %
 There but for the grace of God, goes God.
-		-- Winston Churchill, speaking of Sir Stafford Cripps.
+		-- Winston Churchill, speaking of Sir Stafford Cripps
 %
 There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.
 		-- Ralph Nader
@@ -50920,7 +49840,7 @@ There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
 There is brutality and there is honesty.
 There is no such thing as brutal honesty.
 %
-There is Good Information and there is Bad Information and the 
+There is Good Information and there is Bad Information and the
 Internet is generally pretty neutral about the difference. If you're
 a computer, it's all just 0s and 1s.
 		-- Joel Achenbach
@@ -50954,7 +49874,7 @@ on his own account.  The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
 even highly probable.
 		-- H. L. Mencken, 1930
 %
-There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
+There *_i_s* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
 %
 There is Jackson standing like a stone wall.  Let us determine to die,
 and we will conquer.  Follow me.
@@ -50986,11 +49906,11 @@ There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law.
 No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.
 		-- Jean Giraudoux, "Tiger at the Gates"
 %
-"There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
+There is no choice before us.  Either we must Succeed in providing
 the rational coordination of impulses and guts, or for centuries
 civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
 We must provide a Great Age or see the collapse of the upward
-striving of the human race"
+striving of the human race.
 		-- Alfred North Whitehead
 %
 There is no comfort without pain; thus
@@ -51214,12 +50134,6 @@ There must be more to life than having everything.
 There never was a good war or a bad peace.
 		-- Ben Franklin
 %
-There once was a girl named Irene
-Who lived on distilled kerosene
-	But she started absorbin'
-	A new hydrocarbon
-And since then has never benzene.
-%
 There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.  The
 king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land.  He also wished
 in his heart that the son would be wise and compassionate.  One day he said
@@ -51243,18 +50157,6 @@ her that the life of my best friend did not lie in the half of the kingdom
 that I had promised."
 	The king knew that his son would be a great king.
 %
-There once was a member of Mensa
-Who was a most excellent fencer.
-	The sword that he used
-	Was his -- (line is refused,
-And has now been removed by the censor).
-%
-There once was an old man from Esser,
-Who's knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
-	It at last grew so small,
-	He knew nothing at all,
-And now he's a College Professor.
-%
 There seems no plan because it is all plan.
 		-- C.S. Lewis
 %
@@ -51268,7 +50170,7 @@ When she was good, she was very, very good
 And when she was bad, she was very, very popular.
 		-- Max Miller, "The Max Miller Blue Book"
 %
-There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionallly put up
+There was a man who enjoyed playing golf, and could occasionally put up
 with taking in a round with his wife.  One time (with his wife along) he
 was having an extremely bad round.  On the 12th hole, he sliced a drive
 over by a grounds-keepers' shack.  Although he did not have a clear shot
@@ -51305,12 +50207,6 @@ every close shave they had in the course of just an hour life would become
 insupportable.
 		-- Kurt Vonnegut
 %
-There was a young lady from Hyde
-Who ate a green apple and died.
-	While her lover lamented
-	The apple fermented
-And made cider inside her inside.
-%
 There was a young man from LeDoux,
 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
 
@@ -51320,28 +50216,10 @@ There was a young man from Verdunne.
 	 is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please
 	 mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]
 %
-There was a young man who said "God,
-I find it exceedingly odd,
-	That the willow oak tree
-	Continues to be,
-When there's no one about in the Quad."
-
-"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd,
-For I'm always about in the Quad;
-	And that's why the tree,
-	Continues to be,"
-Signed "Yours faithfully, God."
-%
-There was a young poet named Dan,
-Whose poetry never would scan.
-	When told this was so,
-	He said, "Yes, I know.
-It's because I try to put every possible syllable into that last line that I can."
-%
-"There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
+There was an interesting development in the CBS-Westmoreland trial:
 both sides agreed that after the trial, Andy Rooney would be allowed to
 talk to the jury for three minutes about little things that annoyed him
-during the trial."
+during the trial.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 There was an old Indian belief that by making love on the hide of
@@ -51442,7 +50320,7 @@ There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
 There's a man deeply in debt, see, and he takes the money he has left
 and goes to Monte Carlo to try to recoup at the roulette tables.  Won a
 little, lost a lot, and was down to his last franc.  Prayed for help.
-A voice whispered in his ear: "Le rouge..."   Man looked around; nobody
+A voice whispered in his ear: "Le rouge..."  Man looked around; nobody
 there.  What the hell -- he puts his last franc on the red, and it won.
 The voice immediately said, "Encore le rouge..."  Played red again, and
 it won again.  The voice said, "Impair..."  Played odd, and it won.  Voice
@@ -51658,26 +50536,6 @@ They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
 		-- Civil War General John Sedgwick, his last words,
 		   Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, 1864
 %
-They [District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there
-are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:
-
-(1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate
-	53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold a press
-	conference where you announce that they have a street value of $850
-	million.  These raids never fail, because ALL high schools, including
-	brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana cigarettes in
-	the lockers.  As far as anyone can tell, the locker factory puts them
-	there.
-(2) Raid an "adult book store" and hold a press conference where you announce
-	you are charging the owner with 850 counts of being a piece of human
-	sleaze.  This also never fails, because you always get a conviction.
-	A juror at a pornography trial is not about to state for the record
-	that he finds nothing obscene about a movie where actors engage in
-	sexual activities with live snakes and a fire extinguisher.  He is
-	going to convict the bookstore owner, and vote for the death penalty
-	just to make sure nobody gets the wrong impression.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
 They don't know how the world is shaped.  And so they give it a shape, and
 try to make everything fit it.  They separate the right from the left, the
 man from the woman, the plant from the animal, the sun from the moon. They
@@ -51699,7 +50557,7 @@ Russians with Greek->German dictionaries
 %
 They just buzzed and buzzed...buzzed.
 %
-"They make a desert and call it peace."
+They make a desert and call it peace.
 		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
 %
 They say it's the responsibility of the media to look at government --
@@ -51721,7 +50579,7 @@ my skin.  I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons.  First we take Manhattan,
 then we take Berlin.
 
 I'd really like to live beside you, baby.  I love your body and your spirit
-and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving throug the station?
+and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving through the station?
 I told you I told you I told you I was one of those.
 		-- Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan"
 %
@@ -51729,11 +50587,11 @@ They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy".  Foreigners
 always spell better than they pronounce.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
-safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
+They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
+safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
 		-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759
 %
-"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
+They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!
 %
 They told me you had proven it		When they discovered our results
 About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
@@ -51769,7 +50627,7 @@ And it was life in the fast lane.
 		-- Eagles, "Life in the Fast Lane"
 %
 They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.
-		-- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads.
+		-- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads
 %
 They wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius,
 The man said "We got all that we can use",
@@ -51793,8 +50651,8 @@ wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
 %
 They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
 %
-"They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult
-to like."
+They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really.  They'd be difficult
+to like.
 		-- Avon
 %
 Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become
@@ -51858,10 +50716,10 @@ Thirteen at a table is unlucky only
 when the hostess has only twelve chops.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"Thirty days hath Septober,
+Thirty days hath Septober,
 April, June, and no wonder.
 all the rest have peanut butter
-except my father who wears red suspenders."
+except my father who wears red suspenders.
 %
 Thirty white horses on a red hill,
 First they champ,
@@ -51938,12 +50796,12 @@ regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
 %
 This is a good time to punt work.
 %
-"This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
-DOG."
+This is a job for BOB VIOLENCE and SCUM, the INCREDIBLY STUPID MUTANT
+DOG.
 		-- Bob Violence
 %
-"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
-actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?"
+This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  If this had been an
+actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?
 %
 This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
 Had there been an actual emergency, then you would no longer be here.
@@ -51982,15 +50840,15 @@ For them to read when they're in trouble
 This is Jim Rockford.
 At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you.
 %
-"This is lemma 1.1.  We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
-to one."
+This is lemma 1.1.  We start a new chapter so the numbers all go back
+to one.
 		-- Prof. Seager, C&O 351
 %
 This is Maria, Liberty Bail Bonds.  Your client, Todd Lieman, skipped and
 his bail is forfeit.  That's the pink slip on your '74 Firebird, I believe.
 Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
 %
-This is Marilyn Reed, I wanta talk to you...   Is this a machine?
+This is Marilyn Reed, I wanta talk to you...  Is this a machine?
 I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
 %
 This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
@@ -52044,7 +50902,7 @@ one should eat each day:
 	27 heads of lettuce.
 		-- Rev. Adrian Melott
 %
-This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
+This is the _L_A_S_T time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
 %
 This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
 		-- Winston Churchill
@@ -52082,7 +50940,7 @@ This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
 This isn't true in practice -- what we've missed out is Stradivarius's
 constant.  And then the aside: "For those of you who don't know, that's
 been called by others the fiddle factor..."
-		-- From a 1B Electrical Engineering lecture.
+		-- From a 1B Electrical Engineering lecture
 %
 This land is full of trousers!
 this land is full of mausers!
@@ -52169,7 +51027,7 @@ condition persists, consult your physician.  No user-serviceable parts inside.
 Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.  Not responsible for direct,
 indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error
 or failure to perform.  Slippery when wet.  For office use only.  Substantial
-penalty for early withdrawal.  Do not write below this line.  Your cancelled
+penalty for early withdrawal.  Do not write below this line.  Your canceled
 check is your receipt.  Avoid contact with skin.  Employees and their families
 are not eligible.  Beware of dog.  Driver does not carry cash.  Limited time
 offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.  Use only in well-ventilated area.
@@ -52285,7 +51143,7 @@ Those who can't write, write manuals.
 Those who claim the dead never return
 to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time.
 %
-"Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics."
+Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
 		-- French Proverb
 %
 Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
@@ -52293,7 +51151,7 @@ Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
 %
 Those who do things in a noble spirit of
 self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.
-		-- N. Alexander.
+		-- N. Alexander
 %
 Those who educate children well are more to be honored than
 parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
@@ -52345,8 +51203,6 @@ Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
 Thou hast seen nothing yet.
 		-- Miguel de Cervantes
 %
-Thou shalt not omit adultery.
-%
 Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to
 be maintained.
 		-- The Tao of Programming
@@ -52439,7 +51295,7 @@ what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
 %
 Thus spake the master programmer:
 	"A well-written program is its own heaven; a poorly-written program
-is its own hell."
+	is its own hell."
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
 Thus spake the master programmer:
@@ -52612,7 +51468,7 @@ Gumbinowitz, mechanical engineer, in a hidden-camera interview...
 Yes, you too can take advantage of the amazing properties of Dot-Product.  Use
 it to calculate forces, velocities, displacements, and virtually any vector
 components.  How much would you pay for it?  But wait, it also calculates the
-work done in Joules, Ergs, and, yes, even BTU's.  Divide Dot-Product by the
+work done in Joules, Ergs, and, yes, even BTUs.  Divide Dot-Product by the
 magnitude of the vectors and it becomes an instant angle calculator!  Now, how
 much would you pay?  All this can be yours for the low, low price of $19.95!!
 But that's not all!  If you order before midnight, you'll also get "Famous
@@ -52627,11 +51483,6 @@ Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die.
 'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
 %
-'Tis the dream of each programmer,
-Before his life is done,
-To write three lines of APL,
-And make the damn things run.
-%
 To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he
 is allowed to drive a taxi in New York.  For New York cabbies, honesty and
 stopping at red lights are both optional.
@@ -52702,7 +51553,7 @@ and not be happy.
 To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
 %
 To be is to be related.
-		-- C. J. Keyser.
+		-- C. J. Keyser
 %
 To be is to do.
 		-- I. Kant
@@ -52738,10 +51589,10 @@ To be patriotic, hate all nations but your own; to be religious, all sects
 but your own; to be moral, all pretences but your own.
 		-- Lionel Strachey
 %
-"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
+To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
 this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to
 offer in response is based on information available to make no such
-statement."
+statement.
 %
 To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
 		-- Golda Meir
@@ -52827,20 +51678,13 @@ before the pencil, you're overdoing it a little.
 %
 To err is human; to admit it, a blunder.
 %
-"To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System"
+To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
 %
 To err is human, to forgive, infrequent.
 %
-To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
-%
 To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
-		-- MIT Assasination Club
+		-- MIT Assassination Club
 %
-To err is human, to forgive unusual.
-%
-To err is human, to moo bovine.
-%
-To err is human, to purr feline.
 To err is human, two curs canine.
 To err is human, to moo bovine.
 %
@@ -52859,7 +51703,7 @@ To err is humor.
 To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D.
 		-- B. Duggan
 %
-To everything there is a season, a time for every pupose under heaven:
+To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:
 A time to be born, and a time to die;
 A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
 A time to kill, and a time to heal;
@@ -52905,7 +51749,7 @@ To have died once is enough.
 		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
 %
 To hell with the Prime Directive;
-Let's KILL something!
+Let's _K_I_L_L something!
 %
 To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
 		-- Thomas Edison
@@ -52944,11 +51788,11 @@ To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
 TO ME, CLOWNS AREN'T FUNNY. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered
 where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the
 circus and a clown killed my dad.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of Angostura
 bitters.  Shake.
-		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, recipe for turkey cocktail.
+		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, recipe for turkey cocktail
 %
 To our sweethearts and wives.  May they never meet.
 		-- 19th century toast
@@ -52977,7 +51821,7 @@ and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly.  It was
 agreeable, too -it really was- to see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy.
 There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large and keen;
 it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch, clearness of
-tone, skilful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
+tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
 mind over matter; quite.
 		-- Dickens, "Martin Chuzzlewit"
 %
@@ -53045,9 +51889,9 @@ may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.
 to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the
 destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted
 or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your
-receving said benefit.
+receiving said benefit.
 	I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between
-yourself and that which may have an interest in the matter of your receving
+yourself and that which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving
 as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may
 in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
 	Amen.
@@ -53080,7 +51924,7 @@ and drink gin and laugh themselves silly.
 To use violence is to already be defeated.
 		-- Chinese proverb
 %
-"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
+To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?
 %
 To whom the mornings are like nights,
 What must the midnights be!
@@ -53132,8 +51976,8 @@ Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
 %
 Today is what happened to yesterday.
 %
-"Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
-except in major motion pictures."
+Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word
+except in major motion pictures.
 		-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"
 %
 Today when a man gets married he gets a home, a housekeeper, a cook, a
@@ -53152,7 +51996,7 @@ cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more
 spectacular adventure starring...  Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
 		-- Bob & Ray
 %
-Todays weirdness is tomorrows reason why.
+Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
 %
 Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
@@ -53191,7 +52035,7 @@ driving cabs and cutting hair.
 %
 TOO BAD YOU CAN'T BUY a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin
 real fast and freak everybody out.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Too clever is dumb.
 		-- Ogden Nash
@@ -53318,7 +52162,7 @@ personne n'ecoute, il faut toujours recommencer.
 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
-TRANSACTION CANCELLED - FARECARD RETURNED
+TRANSACTION CANCELED - FARECARD RETURNED
 %
 TRANSFER:
 	A promotion you receive on the condition that you leave town.
@@ -53326,12 +52170,12 @@ TRANSFER:
 TRANSPARENT:
 	Being or pertaining to an existing, nontangible object.
 	"It's there, but you can't see it"
-		-- IBM System/360 announcement, 1964.
+		-- IBM System/360 announcement, 1964
 
 VIRTUAL:
 	Being or pertaining to a tangible, nonexistent object.
 	"I can see it, but it's not there."
-		-- Lady Macbeth.
+		-- Lady Macbeth
 %
 TRANSVESTITE:
 	Someone who spends his junior year at college abroad.
@@ -53392,7 +52236,7 @@ Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.
 		-- Norman Augustine
 %
 Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
-		-- Finlay Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"
+		-- Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"
 %
 Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
 		-- Arabian proverb
@@ -53416,7 +52260,7 @@ Truth is free, but information costs.
 %
 Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
 %
-"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
+Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.
 %
 Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -53472,7 +52316,7 @@ specification is that it should run noiselessly.
 Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
 		-- Alan Watts
 %
-Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
+Trying to establish voice contact ... please _y_e_l_l into keyboard.
 %
 Trying to get an education here is like
 trying to take a drink from a fire hose.
@@ -53560,7 +52404,7 @@ And stood awhile in thought.		The Jabberstock, with clothes of tweed,
 Chip Black! Chip Blue! And through	And yuppied great with greed!
 	and through
 The forecast blade went snicker-snack!	"And hast thou slain the Jabberstock?
-It bit the dirt, and with its shirt,	Come to my firm,  V.P.ish  boy!
+It bit the dirt, and with its shirt,	Come to my firm, V.P.ish boy!
 He went rebounding back.		O big bucks day! Moolah! Good Play!"
 					He bought him a Mercedes Toy.
 'Twas panic, and the slithy brokers
@@ -53618,7 +52462,7 @@ Only programmed for battle, it hadn't a heart;
 It couldn't be tested, and no one could tell,
 If the crazy contraption would work very well.
 So after a trillion or two had been spent
-The system thought Santa a Red missle sent.
+The system thought Santa a Red missile sent.
 So kids dry your tears now, and get off to bed,
 There won't be a Christmas -- since Santa is dead.
 %
@@ -53799,8 +52643,7 @@ U:	There's a U -- a Unicorn!
 	UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
 		-- The Roguelet's ABC
 %
-"Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex."
-
+Ubi non accusator, ibi non judex.
 (Where there is no police, there is no speed limit.)
 		-- Roman Law, trans. Petr Beckmann (1971)
 %
@@ -53825,10 +52668,9 @@ leaves.  He drifts lazily through the soft foliage.  Soon he starts
 coughing and drops dead.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
 %
-"Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"
-
-"It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
-right?"
+	"Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor?"
+	"It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to
+food, right?"
 		-- MacNelley, "Shoe"
 %
 Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
@@ -53843,10 +52685,6 @@ Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
 ordinance under which you can be booked.
 		-- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp.
 %
-Under capitalism, man exploits man.
-Under communism, it's just the opposite.
-		-- J. K. Galbraith
-%
 Under deadline pressure for the next week.
 If you want something, it can wait.
 Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
@@ -53901,9 +52739,6 @@ throw the first person they see to the ground, tie the tourniquet on him,
 slash him with the knife, and apply suction to the wound.
 		-- Jon Bentley
 %
-Unhappy the land that needs heroes.
-		-- Bertolt Brecht
-%
 UNION:
 	A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.
 %
@@ -53928,11 +52763,6 @@ UNIVERSITY:
 	[Okay, okay, I'll leave it in, but I think you're destroying
 	 the credibility of the entire fortune program.  Ed.]
 %
-University, n.:
-	Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
-usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell you how to
-fix it, and ...
-%
 University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
 		-- Henry Kissinger
 %
@@ -53943,7 +52773,7 @@ of more feet, just to be sure.
 		-- Eric Allman
 
 ... We make rope.
-		-- Rob Gingell on Sun Microsystem's new virtual memory.
+		-- Rob Gingell on Sun Microsystem's new virtual memory
 %
 Unix is a lot more complicated (than CP/M) of course -- the typical Unix
 hacker can never remember what the PRINT command is called this week --
@@ -54020,13 +52850,6 @@ Mother who has raised your son so well;
 He's seventeen and hackin' on a Macintosh,
 Flaming spelling errors and raisin' hell...
 %
-Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid
-or DMT.  "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth
-noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.
-		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
-%
-Usage:  fortune -P [-f] -a [xsz] Q: file [rKe9] -v6[+] file1 ...
-%
 Usage: fortune -P [] -a [xsz] [Q: [file]] [rKe9] -v6[+] dataspec ... inputdir
 %
 Use a pun, go to jail.
@@ -54057,7 +52880,7 @@ user, n:
 Using encryption on the Internet is the equivalent of arranging
 an armoured car to deliver credit card information from someone
 living in a cardboard box to someone living on a park bench.
-		-- Gene Spafford, Purdue University.
+		-- Gene Spafford, Purdue University
 %
 Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
 		-- S. C. Johnson
@@ -54089,7 +52912,7 @@ VACATION:
 %
 Vail's Second Axiom:
 	The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the
-amount of work already completed.
+	amount of work already completed.
 %
 Valerie: Aww, Tom, you're going maudlin on me ...
 Tom:	 I reserve the right to wax maudlin as I wane eloquent ...
@@ -54121,14 +52944,12 @@ Fish are fast moving vegetables.
 Mushrooms are what grows on vegetables when food's done with them.
 		-- Meat Eater's Credo, according to Jim Williams
 %
-Vegeterians beware!  You are what you eat.
+Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
 %
 Velilind's Laws of Experimentation:
 	1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
 	2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
 %
-Veni, Vidi, Visa.
-%
 Veni, Vidi, VISA:
 	I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
 %
@@ -54193,9 +53014,9 @@ Hagar's note: The first definition is much preferred; the second is used
 only by malcontents, the envious, and disgruntled owners of waterfront
 property.
 %
-Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
-Orac: "It is unlikely.  I would predict there are far greater mistakes
-      waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
+Vila:	"I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
+Orac:	"It is unlikely.  I would predict there are far greater mistakes
+	waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
 %
 Vini, vidi, vici.
 [I came, I saw, I conquered].
@@ -54278,10 +53099,11 @@ VMS, n:
 %
 VMS version 2.0 ==>
 %
-Voicless it cries,
+Voiceless it cries,
 Wingless flutters,
 Toothless bites,
 Mouthless mutters.
+What am I?
 %
 VOLCANO:
 	A mountain with hiccups.
@@ -54316,11 +53138,11 @@ TAX-DEFERRED!
 VUJA DE:
 	The feeling that you've *never*, *ever* been in this situation before.
 %
-VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
-%
-Wad some power the giftie gie us
-To see oursels as others see us.
-		-- R. Browning
+Oh wad some power the giftie gie us
+To see oursel's as others see us!
+It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
+And foolish notion.
+		-- Robert Burns, National Poet of Scotland, 1759-1796
 %
 Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
 		-- Mark Twain
@@ -54365,7 +53187,7 @@ Walking on water wasn't built in a day.
 		-- Jack Kerouac
 %
 Wall Street indices predicted nine out of the last five recessions
-		-- Paul A. Samuelson, Nobel laureate in economics.
+		-- Paul A. Samuelson, Nobel laureate in economics
 		   (Newsweek, Science and Stocks, 19 Sep. 1966.)
 %
 Walt:	Dad, what's gradual school?
@@ -54469,7 +53291,7 @@ Have cleanest hands, and, as the heartless ghost
 Alone's unhurt, so the blind man sees best.
 		-- Dylan Thomas, "Was There A Time"
 %
-Washington, D.C.   Wasting your money since 1810.
+Washington, D.C: Wasting your money since 1810.
 %
 Washington, D.C: Fifty square miles almost completely surrounded by reality.
 %
@@ -54601,8 +53423,8 @@ We are not loved by our friends for what we are;
 rather, we are loved in spite of what we are.
 		-- Victor Hugo
 %
-"We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
-theorem."
+We are on the verge: Today our program proved Fermat's next-to-last
+theorem.
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
 %
 We are preparing to think about contemplating preliminary work on plans to
@@ -54636,8 +53458,8 @@ We are unavoidably drawn towards conservatism and death.
 The order is not insignificant.
 		-- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
 %
-"We are upping our standards ... so up yours."
-		-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988.
+We are upping our standards ... so up yours.
+		-- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988
 %
 We are what we are.
 %
@@ -54677,7 +53499,7 @@ into the mysteries and marvelous simplicities of this strange and
 beautiful Universe, Our home.
 		-- "Gravitation", Misner, Thorne, and Wheeler
 %
-"We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!"
+We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
 		-- Vroomfondel
 %
 We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
@@ -54742,10 +53564,10 @@ We gotta get out of this place,
 If it's the last thing we ever do.
 		-- The Animals
 %
-"We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
+We had it tough ... I had to get up at 9 o'clock at night, half an
 hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work 29 hours down
 mill, and when we came home our Dad would kill us, and dance about on
-our grave singing Halleluja ..."
+our grave singing Halleluja ...
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 We have an equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
@@ -54790,10 +53612,6 @@ back to normal, and that they already have.
 We have reason to be afraid.  This is a terrible place.
 		-- John Berryman
 %
-"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his
-hands for masturbation."
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 We have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's out.
 %
 We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an
@@ -54893,7 +53711,7 @@ and speak English.
 %
 We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should govern
 their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the center of
-their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prohpet, nor
+their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major prophet, nor
 Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual concerns, to say
 nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get Christians to agree among
 themselves about their relationship to God.  But all will agree on a
@@ -54914,7 +53732,7 @@ filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
 		-- Nolo News, summer 1989
 %
 We may not return the affection of those who like us,
-but we always respect their good judgement.
+but we always respect their good judgment.
 %
 ...we must be wary of granting too much power to natural selection
 by viewing all basic capacities of our brain as direct adaptations.
@@ -55179,11 +53997,11 @@ WEAPON:
 Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
 		-- John Heywood
 %
-Wedding, n:
+Wedding, n.:
 	A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one
 	undertakes to become nothing and nothing undertakes to become
 	supportable.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
 %
@@ -55196,7 +54014,7 @@ Weekend, where are you?
 %
 Weiler's Law:
 	Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it
-himself.
+	himself.
 %
 Weinberg, as a young grocery clerk, advised the grocery manager to get
 rid of rutabagas which nobody every bought.  He did so. "Well, kid, that
@@ -55223,7 +54041,7 @@ Weiner's Law of Libraries:
 %
 Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter.
 He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
-		-- Dean McLaughlin.
+		-- Dean McLaughlin
 %
 Welcome to boggle - do you want instructions?
 
@@ -55271,12 +54089,12 @@ James Bond kills him and his henchmen and makes love to several attractive
 women.  There, that's it: 24 words.  But the guy who wrote the book took
 *thousands* of words to say it.
 	Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
-Fyodor Dostoyevsky.  It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
+Fyodor Dostoevsky.  It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
 Or maybe only one of them kills the father.  It's impossible to tell because
 what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages.If all Russians talk
 as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
 major world power.
-	I'm told that Dostoyevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
+	I'm told that Dostoevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
 the question of whether there is a God.  So why didn't he just come right
 out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
 	Other famous works could easily have been summarized in a few words:
@@ -55364,8 +54182,8 @@ or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they
 couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
 		-- President Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile
 %
-"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can*
-you believe?!"
+Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *_c_a_n*
+you believe?!
 		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
 %
 Well, I'm disenchanted too.  We're all disenchanted.
@@ -55401,7 +54219,7 @@ Sitting at a table, dealing stud,
 Sat that dirty (bleep) that named me Sue.
 ...
 Now, I knew that snake was my own sweet Dad,
-From a wornout picture that my Mother had,
+From a worn out picture that my Mother had,
 And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye...
 		-- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue"
 %
@@ -55435,9 +54253,8 @@ And courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early.
 %
 Well thaaaaaaat's okay.
 %
-"Well, that was a piece of cake, eh K-9?"
-
-"Piece of cake, Master?  Radial slice of baked confection ...
+	"Well, that was a piece of cake, eh K-9?"
+	"Piece of cake, Master?  Radial slice of baked confection ...
 coefficient of relevance to Key of Time: zero."
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
@@ -55485,8 +54302,8 @@ On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
 		-- Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
 		   [They eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.]
 %
-"Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to think there's some
-higher meaning to all this.  It would certainly reflect well on you."
+Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to think there's some
+higher meaning to all this.  It would certainly reflect well on you.
 %
 WELL-ADJUSTED:
 	The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
@@ -55519,7 +54336,7 @@ We're all in this alone.
 %
 We're constantly being bombarded by insulting and humiliating music, which
 people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products.
-Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spirtual
+Just as food can be bad for your system, music can be bad for your spiritual
 and emotional feelings.  It might taste good or clever, but in the long run,
 it's not going to do anything for you.
 		-- Bob Dylan, "LA Times", September 5, 1984
@@ -55563,7 +54380,7 @@ I have to push the pram a lot.
 		-- Monty Python
 %
 We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
-		-- D. W. Robertson.
+		-- D. W. Robertson
 %
 We're mortal -- which is to say, we're ignorant, stupid, and sinful --
 but those are only handicaps.  Our pride is that nevertheless, now and
@@ -55632,7 +54449,7 @@ Cooper and Claudette Colbert, and to be beaten up by both of them!
 %
 What a misfortune to be a woman!  And yet, the worst misfortune is not to
 understand what a misfortune it is.
-		-- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855.
+		-- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855
 %
 What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.
 		-- WOP, "War Games"
@@ -55647,11 +54464,11 @@ What an author likes to write most is his signature on the
 back of a cheque.
 		-- Brendan Francis
 %
-"What are we going to do?"
-
-"Me, I'm examining the major Western religions.  I'm looking for
-something that's soft on morality, generous with holidays, and has a
+	"What are we going to do?"
+	"Me, I'm examining the major Western religions.  I'm looking
+for something that's soft on morality, generous with holidays, and has a
 short initiation period."
+		-- Maddie and David, "Moonlighting"
 %
 What awful irony is this?
 We are as gods, but know it not.
@@ -55660,7 +54477,7 @@ What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
 %
 What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
 %
-What did ya do with your burder and your cross?
+What did ya do with your burden and your cross?
 Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
 You and I know that a burden and a cross,
 Can only be carried on one man's back.
@@ -55727,9 +54544,9 @@ What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
 %
 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
 %
-"What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
+What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so
 that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our
-country. Nice try anyway, George."
+country. Nice try anyway, George.
 		-- D.J. on KSFO/KYA
 %
 What goes up must come down.  But don't expect it to come down
@@ -55798,10 +54615,7 @@ broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
 is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
 		-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
 %
-What I tell you three times is true.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
-"What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
+What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-
 sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up
 with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always
 came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at
@@ -55912,9 +54726,6 @@ establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
 "I've just GOT to start labeling my software..."
 		-- Bloom County
 %
-What is the robbing of a bank compared to the founding of a bank?
-		-- Bertold Brecht
-%
 What is the sound of one hand clapping?
 %
 What is this line of duty, and suffering?  You are not supposed to suffer
@@ -55935,13 +54746,13 @@ big thumping lie that will then be believed.
 		-- Ministry of Information, memo on the maintenance of
 		   British civilian morale, 1939
 %
-"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
-which is the exact opposite."
+What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
+which is the exact opposite.
 		-- Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical_Essays", 1928
 %
 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
 %
-"What I've done, of course, is total garbage."
+What I've done, of course, is total garbage.
 		-- R. Willard, Pure Math 430a
 %
 What kind of sordid business are you on now?  I mean, man, whither
@@ -56091,7 +54902,7 @@ a long way with his skills."
 	(We hoped he'd go as far as possible.)
 "You won't find many people like her."
 	(In fact, most people can't stand being around her.)
-"I cannot reccommend him too highly."
+"I cannot recommend him too highly."
 	(However, to the best of my knowledge, he has never committed a
 	 felony in my presence.)
 %
@@ -56138,7 +54949,7 @@ What they say:				What they mean:
 A major technological breakthrough...	Back to the drawing board.
 Developed after years of research	Discovered by pure accident.
 Project behind original schedule due	We're working on something else.
-	to unforseen difficulties
+	to unforeseen difficulties
 Designs are within allowable limits	We made it, stretching a point or two.
 Customer satisfaction is believed	So far behind schedule that they'll be
 	assured					grateful for anything at all.
@@ -56284,8 +55095,8 @@ Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
 Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.
 		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
 %
-"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
-cockroaches!"
+Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not
+cockroaches!
 		-- Mom
 %
 Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half
@@ -56328,7 +55139,7 @@ Some say your toes,
 But I think it's your mind.
 		-- Frank Zappa, 1965
 %
-"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
+What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
 		-- Dr. Who
 %
 What's this stuff about people being "released on their
@@ -56375,11 +55186,6 @@ When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight,
 it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
 		-- Samuel Johnson
 %
-When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute.
-But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute-- and it's longer than any
-hour.  That's relativity.
-		-- Albert Einstein
-%
 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
 keep her.
 		-- Sacha Guitry
@@ -56448,12 +55254,12 @@ When among apes, one must play the ape.
 When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
-"When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
-tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?"
+When are you BUTTHEADS gonna learn that you can't oppose Gestapo
+tactics *with* Gestapo tactics?
 		-- Reuben Flagg
 %
 When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
-		-- Edward "Spike" O'Donnell, Al Capone associate.
+		-- Edward "Spike" O'Donnell, Al Capone associate
 %
 When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
 the white men came, an Indian said simply "Ours."
@@ -56534,10 +55340,11 @@ like my grandfather.
 not screaming,
 like the passengers in his car...
 %
-When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons.  A
-loud general cheer went up.  After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
-barstool and shouted "When I take another drink, *everybody* takes another
-drink!"  The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
+	"When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the
+assembled bar patrons.  A loud general cheer went up.  After downing his
+whiskey, he hopped onto a barstool and shouted "When I take another
+drink, *everybody* takes another drink!"  The announcement produced
+another cheer and another round of drinks.
 	As soon as he had downed his second drink, the fellow hopped back
 onto the stool.  "And when I pay," he bellowed, slapping five dollars onto
 the bar, "*everybody* pays!"
@@ -56613,7 +55420,7 @@ Now I'm beginning to believe it.
 %
 When I was a child...  We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...
 I was an only child...  eventually.
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you
 take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
@@ -56718,9 +55525,6 @@ When in doubt, use brute force.
 When in panic, fear and doubt,
 Drink in barrels, eat, and shout.
 %
-When in Rome, live in the Roman way.
-		-- St. Ambrose
-%
 When in this world the headlines read
 Of those whose hearts are filled with greed
 Who rob and steal from those who need
@@ -56936,7 +55740,7 @@ muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.
 When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
 		-- Lynch
 %
-"When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical"
+When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical.
 		-- Jon Carroll
 %
 When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
@@ -56977,7 +55781,7 @@ I take my place among the sellers.
 %
 When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies,
 the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a
-nose bleed, which usually cures them of ____that.
+nose bleed, which usually cures them of _t_h_a_t.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
 %
 When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem starts to look
@@ -56988,7 +55792,7 @@ When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.
 %
 When the revolution comes, count your change.
 %
-When the saleman's car broke down, he walked to the nearest farmhouse to ask
+When the salesman's car broke down, he walked to the nearest farmhouse to ask
 if he could stay the night.  The farmer agreed to put him up.  "I live alone,"
 he continued, "you can have the bedroom at the top of the stairs, to the
 right."
@@ -57142,7 +55946,7 @@ When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
 
 There is one thing you should learn,
 When there is no one else to turn to,
-	Caaaall for Super Chicken!!    (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
+	Caaaall for Super Chicken!!  (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
 	Caaaall for Super Chicken!!
 %
 When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
@@ -57293,12 +56097,12 @@ When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
 %
 WHEN YOU'RE RIDING IN A TIME MACHINE way far into the future, don't stick
 your elbow out the window or it'll turn into a fossil.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to
 laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.  Struggle
 to become a parrot or something.
-		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
+		-- Jack Handey, The New Mexican, 1988
 %
 Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean "not really".
 		-- Dave Parnas
@@ -57670,8 +56474,8 @@ Because they are burnt out.
 Having worked for poor management, they no longer value their jobs.
 		-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
 %
-"Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'?  I could
-have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing."
+Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like "Amadeus?"  I could
+have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing.
 		-- Ian Shoales
 %
 Why are you so hard to ignore?
@@ -57871,7 +56675,7 @@ It is because we are not the person involved.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 Why is the alphabet in that order?  Is it because of that song?
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 		-- Lily Tomlin
@@ -57879,8 +56683,8 @@ Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
 Why isn't there some cheap and easy
 way to prove how much she means to me?
 %
-"Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
-you knowing nothing?"
+Why must you tell me all your secrets when it's hard enough to love
+you knowing nothing?
 		-- Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
 %
 Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they
@@ -57934,7 +56738,7 @@ incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by falling
 into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for our daily
 needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate
 origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that
-we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map of our infintesimal
+we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map of our infinitesimal
 parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all
 eternity for his faithlessness.
 		-- Leslie Stephen, "An Agnostic's Apology",
@@ -58002,7 +56806,7 @@ Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
 Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...
 If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your
 head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick...
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
 		-- Robert Byrne
@@ -58127,12 +56931,12 @@ Hundred billion castaways looking for a call.
 WOLF:
 	A man who knows all the ankles.
 %
-WOMAN:
+Woman, n.:
 	An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and
 	having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
-		-- Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
-Woman:      "Is Yoo-Hoo hyphenated?"
+Woman:	    "Is Yoo-Hoo hyphenated?"
 Yogi Berra: "No, ma'am, its not even carbonated."
 %
 Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
@@ -58301,7 +57105,7 @@ Woodward's Law:
 %
 Woody:  What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
 Norm:   The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
-        Let's just cut to the happy ending.
+	Let's just cut to the happy ending.
 		-- Cheers, Airport V
 
 Woody:  Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
@@ -58328,9 +57132,9 @@ Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
 Norm:  See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.
 		-- Cheers, Norm's Last Hurrah
 
-Sam:   Well, look at you.  You look like the cat that
-       swallowed the canary.
-Norm:  And I need a beer to wash him down.
+Sam:	Well, look at you.  You look like the cat that
+	swallowed the canary.
+Norm:	And I need a beer to wash him down.
 		-- Cheers, Norm's Last Hurrah
 
 Woody:  Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
@@ -58385,9 +57189,9 @@ Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
 Norm:  My cheeks on this barstool.
 		-- Cheers, Strange Bedfellows, Part 2
 
-Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
-Norm:  Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
-       Eh, make that one-thirty.
+Woody:	Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
+Norm:	Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
+	Eh, make that one-thirty.
 		-- Cheers, Strange Bedfellows, Part 2
 %
 Woolsey-Swanson Rule:
@@ -58479,8 +57283,8 @@ Worst Month of the Year:
 %
 Worst Response To A Crisis, 1985:
 	From a readers' Q and A column in TV GUIDE: "If we get involved
-in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs
-damage my videotapes?"
+	in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from
+	exploding bombs damage my videotapes?"
 %
 Worst Vegetable of the Year:
 	Brussel sprout.  This is also the worst vegetable of next year.
@@ -58496,11 +57300,6 @@ Worthless.
 		   "analytical engine" invented by Charles Babbage, September
 		   15, 1842.
 %
-WOTD:
-
-       `
-
-%
 Would it help if I got out and pushed?
 		-- Princess Leia Organa
 %
@@ -58526,10 +57325,6 @@ stuff ...
 Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight?
 		-- George Carlin
 %
-"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
-"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
-		-- Lewis Carroll
-%
 Wouldn't this be a great world if being insecure and desperate were
 a turn-on?
 		-- "Broadcast News"
@@ -58671,7 +57466,7 @@ X windows:
 	Nullifying centuries of progress.
 	Falling to new depths of inefficiency.
 	The last thing you need.
-	The defacto substandard.
+	The de facto substandard.
 
 Elevating brain damage to an art form.
 	X windows.
@@ -58893,9 +57688,9 @@ goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in
 their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
 unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my
 doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
-		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
+		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgments"
 %
-Ya'll hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch some
+Y'all hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch some
 rays and became a tangent ?
 %
 Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id.
@@ -58910,7 +57705,7 @@ fear no evil, for I can string six primitive monadic and dyadic
 operators together.
 		-- Steve Higgins
 %
-"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."
+Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context.
 %
 Yeah, God is dead, he laughed himself to death.
 %
@@ -58948,7 +57743,7 @@ Year  Name				James Bond	Book
 1983* Never Say Never Again		Sean Connery
 1985  A View To A Kill			Roger Moore	1960 (novelette)
 1987  The Living Daylights		Timothy Dalton	1965 (novelette)
-	* -- Not a Broccoli production.
+	* -- Not a Broccoli production
 %
 Year, n.:
 	A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
@@ -58973,10 +57768,6 @@ Than to have to have a frontal lobotomy.
 I might be drunk but at least I'm not insane.
 		-- Randy Ansley M.D. (Dr. Rock)
 %
-Yes, that was Richard Nixon.  He used to be President.  When he left
-the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
-		-- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"
-%
 Yes, we will be going to OSI, Mars and, Pluto, but not necessarily in
 that order.
 		-- George Michaelson
@@ -59088,7 +57879,7 @@ You are magnetic in your bearing.
 You are never given a wish without also being given the
 power to make it true.  You may have to work for it, however.
 		-- R. Bach,
-		   "Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
+		   "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"
 %
 You are not a fool just because you have done
 something foolish -- only if the folly of it escapes you.
@@ -59200,9 +57991,9 @@ I like that in a person.
 %
 You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
 %
-"You are *so* lovely."
-"Yes."
-"Yes!  And you take a compliment, too!  I like that in a goddess."
+	"You are *so* lovely."
+	"Yes."
+	"Yes!  And you take a compliment, too!  I like that in a goddess."
 %
 You are standing on my toes.
 %
@@ -59217,7 +58008,7 @@ chewing on your leg, a troglodyte is bashing your brains out with a
 gold nugget, a crocodile is removing large chunks of flesh from you, a
 rhinoceros is goring you with his horn, a sabre-tooth cat is busy
 trying to disembowel you, you are being trampled by a large mammoth, a
-vampire is sucking you dry, a Tyranosaurus Rex is sinking his six inch
+vampire is sucking you dry, a Tyrannosaurus Rex is sinking his six inch
 long fangs into various parts of your anatomy, a large bear is
 dismembering your body, a gargoyle is bouncing up and down on your
 head, a burly troll is tearing you limb from limb, several dire wolves
@@ -59241,8 +58032,8 @@ because of your extreme stupidity.
 %
 You auto buy now.
 %
-"You boys lookin' for trouble?"
-"Sure.  Whaddya got?"
+	"You boys lookin' for trouble?"
+	"Sure.  Whaddya got?"
 		-- Marlon Brando, "The Wild Ones"
 %
 You buttered your bread, now lie in it!
@@ -59515,7 +58306,7 @@ You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle
 is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
 %
-"You can't make a program without broken egos."
+You can't make a program without broken egos.
 %
 You can't mend a wristwatch while falling from an airplane.
 %
@@ -59536,7 +58327,7 @@ You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.
 You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now.
 		-- Lauren Bacall
 %
-"You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten."
+You can't survive by sucking the juice from a wet mitten.
 		-- Charles Schulz, "Things I've Had to Learn Over and
 		   Over and Over"
 %
@@ -59549,9 +58340,6 @@ You can't teach people to be lazy --
 either they have it, or they don't.
 		-- Dagwood Bumstead
 %
-You can't underestimate the power of fear.
-		-- Tricia Nixon Cox
-%
 You climb to reach the summit, but once
 there, discover that all roads lead down.
 		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
@@ -59805,11 +58593,6 @@ You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery,
 are now extinct.
 		-- M. Somerset Maugham
 %
-You know that feeling you get when you are tipping your chair back and you
-almost go crashing back on the floor but you just catch yourself?  I feel
-like that all the time.
-		-- Stephen Wright
-%
 You know, the difference between this company and
 the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers.
 %
@@ -59936,7 +58719,7 @@ You love peace.
 You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
 %
 You may already be a loser.
-		-- Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield.
+		-- Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield
 %
 You may be gone tomorrow, but that
 doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
@@ -60054,9 +58837,6 @@ You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
 %
 You never learned anything by doing it right.
 %
-You never realize how many friends you
-have until you rent a house at the beach.
-%
 You notice that after Ginzburg admitted he had tried marijuana everyone
 got in line to admit it, too.  But you also notice they all said they
 "experimented" with marijuana.  The didn't "use" it; they "experimented"
@@ -60105,7 +58885,7 @@ You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
 attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.  A fool
 takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
 which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
-alot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
+a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
 Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
 brain-attic.  He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
 his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
@@ -60183,8 +58963,8 @@ In New York, tip the taxicab driver $40 if he does not mention his
 hemorrhoids.
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"
 %
-"You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a
-plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture."
+You should, without hesitation, pound your typewriter into a
+plowshare, your paper into fertilizer, and enter agriculture.
 		-- Business Professor, University of Georgia
 %
 You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
@@ -60543,7 +59323,7 @@ listed 10 signs to watch for:
 	a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.
 The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not
 all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
-		-- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.
+		-- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984
 
 	[I thought everybody laughed at company training films.  Ed.]
 %
@@ -60577,7 +59357,7 @@ AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
 	You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what
 type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party.  Just take beer!
 Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in
-California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow.
+California Halloween is redundant anyhow.
 
 PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
 	Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall.  You find others are
@@ -60701,7 +59481,7 @@ mark of a fake messiah.  The simplest questions are the most profound.
 Where were you born?  Where is your home?  Where are you going?  What
 are you doing?  Think about these once in awhile and watch your answers
 change.
-		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
+		-- Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
 %
 Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
 %
@@ -60790,8 +59570,8 @@ You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.
 You're growing out of some of your problems,
 but there are others that you're growing into.
 %
-"You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little...
-except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus."
+You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little...
+except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus.
 		-- Swamp Thing
 %
 You're never too old to become younger.
@@ -60822,7 +59602,7 @@ Remember life as was it is,
 And is as it were;
 Chasing sounds across the galaxy
 'Till silence is but a blur.
-		-- QYX.
+		-- QYX
 %
 Youth.  It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
 %
@@ -60857,14 +59637,14 @@ You've been telling me to relax all the way here,
 and now you're telling me just to be myself?
 		-- The Return of the Secaucus Seven
 %
-"You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks."
+You've got to have a gimmick if your band sucks.
 		-- Gary Giddens
 %
 You've got to pity New Mexico... so far from heaven and so close to Texas.
 %
-"You've got to think about tomorrow!"
+You've got to think about tomorrow!
 
-"TOMORROW!  I haven't even prepared for *_________yesterday* yet!"
+TOMORROW!  I haven't even prepared for *_y_e_s_t_e_r_d_a_y* yet!
 %
 YO-YO:
 	Something that is occasionally up but normally down.
@@ -60949,23 +59729,21 @@ http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/events.asp.
 %
 Any sufficiently simple directive can be obfuscated beyond reason
 given proper legal counsel.
-
-- Alfred Perlstein
+		-- Alfred Perlstein
 %
 David Sarnoff, 1964: "The computer will become the hub of a vast network of
-remote data stations and information banks feeding into the machine at 
+remote data stations and information banks feeding into the machine at
 a transmission rate of a billion or more bits of information a
 second. Laser channels will vastly increase both data capacity and the
-speeds with which it will be transmitted.  Eventually, a global 
-communications network handling voice, data and facsimile will 
-instantly link man to machine--or machine to machine--by land, air, 
+speeds with which it will be transmitted.  Eventually, a global
+communications network handling voice, data and facsimile will
+instantly link man to machine--or machine to machine--by land, air,
 underwater, and space circuits. [The computer] will affect man's
 ways of thinking, his means of education, his relationship to his physical
-and social environment, and it will alter his ways of living... 
-[Before the end of this century, these forces] will coalesce into what 
+and social environment, and it will alter his ways of living...
+[Before the end of this century, these forces] will coalesce into what
 unquestionably will become the greatest adventure of the human mind."
-
-- from David Sarnoff by Eugene Lyons, 1966.
+		-- Eugene Lyons, "David Sarnoff" 1966
 %
 Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
 %
@@ -60988,3 +59766,7 @@ There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
 Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
 %
 Never miss a good chance to shut up.
+%
+Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
+		-- Arthur C. Clarke
+%
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
index e4825b4..916dede 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes-o.real
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %% $FreeBSD$
+%
 		My Favorite Drugs [Sung to My Favorite Things]
 Reefers and roach clips and papers and rollers
 Cocaine and procaine for twenty year molars
@@ -158,7 +159,7 @@ would be before she could resume her sex life.  "I really haven't
 thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon.  "You're the first
 patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!"
 %
-        The Split-Atom Blues
+	The Split-Atom Blues
 
 Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
     Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline....
@@ -209,24 +210,13 @@ nothing of today, such as Sports Illustrated's Annual Nipples Poking
 Through Swimsuits Issue.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
 %
-... The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil
+The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil
 out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
 		-- Letter in NEW LIBERTARIAN NOTES #19
 %
-"Are pirates an ethnic group?  Or are they just people who burn illegal cds?"
-"Arrrr!  We prefer to be called Buccaneer-Americans."
-%
-A bather whose clothing was strewed
-By breezes that left her quite nude,
-	Saw a man come along
-	And, unless I'm quite wrong,
-You expected this line to be lewd.
-%
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
-	But another, more sane,
-	Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
+	"Are pirates an ethnic group?  Or are they just people who burn
+illegal cds?"
+	"Arrrr!  We prefer to be called Buccaneer-Americans."
 %
 A bureaucracy is like a septic tank -- all the really big shits float
 to the top.
@@ -249,15 +239,9 @@ A hard man is good to find.
 %
 A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
 %
-A mathematician named Hall
-Has a hexahedronical ball,
-	And the cube of its weight
-	Times his pecker's, plus eight
-Is his phone number -- give him a call.
-%
-"A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
+A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a
 good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious
-scruples and the police."
+scruples and the police.
 		-- Mr. Dooley
 %
 A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be passionately
@@ -272,63 +256,21 @@ A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
 A person who has both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely
 called a liberal.
 %
-A pretty young lady named Vogel
-Once sat herself down on a molehill.
-	A curious mole
-	Nosed into her hole --
-Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.
-%
-A pretty young maiden from France
-Decided she'd "just take a chance."
-	She let herself go
-	For an hour or so
-And now all her sisters are aunts.
-%
 A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is
 having fun.
 %
 A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep
 up with yesterday.
 %
-A remarkable race are the Persians;
-They have such peculiar diversions.
-	They make love the whole day
-	In the usual way
-And save up the nights for perversions.
-%
-A team playing baseball in Dallas
-Called the umpire blind out of malice.
-	While this worthy had fits
-	The team made eight hits
-And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
-%
-A wanton young lady from Wimley
-Reproached for not acting quite primly
-	Said, "Heavens above!
-	I know sex isn't love,
-But it's such an entrancing facsimile."
-%
-A widow who fancied a man some
-Was diddled three times in a hansome.
-	When she clamored for more
-	Her young man became sore
-And exclaimed "My name's Simpson not Samson."
-%
-"A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
-drawers."
+A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her
+drawers.
 		-- Blind Lemon Pledge
 %
-A worried young man from Stamboul
-Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
-	Said the doctor, a cynic,
-	"Get out of my clinic;
-Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!"
-%
 Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
 %
-"Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
+Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western
 religion, Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of
-Western science."
+Western science.
 		-- Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"
 %
 Achilles' Biological Findings:
@@ -368,27 +310,21 @@ America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room.  Every time it
 wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
 		-- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
 %
-"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say ``elevator'',
-we say ``lift'' ... they say ``President'', we say ``stupid psychopathic
-git.''"
+Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator,"
+we say "lift" ... they say "President," we say "stupid psychopathic
+git."
 		-- Alexei Sayle
 %
-An architect fellow named Yoric
-Could, when feeling euphoric,
-	Display for selection
-	Three kinds of erection --
-Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
-%
 An Army travels on her stomach.
 %
 An egg has the shortest sex-life of all: it gets laid once; it gets
 eaten once.  It also has to come in a box with 11 others, and the only
 person who will sit on its face is its mother.
 %
-"And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest
+And Bezel saideth unto Sham: "Sham," he saideth, "Thou shalt goest
 unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
 bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
-provideth that they are nice and fresh.'"
+provideth that they are nice and fresh."
 		-- Dave Barry, "Getting Religion"
 %
 Anxiety, n.:
@@ -397,15 +333,15 @@ Anxiety, n.:
 Panic, n.:
 	The second time you can't do it the first time.
 %
-"Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator."
+Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator.
 		-- Claude Shouse
 
-"Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist."
+Einstein's mother must have been one heck of a physicist.
 		-- Joseph C. Wang
 %
-"Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
+Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
 released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and
-enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources."
+enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 As Rev. Spooner would say, you are a shining wit.
@@ -423,16 +359,16 @@ hell!  No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!"
 %
 Baltimore, n.:
 	Where the women wear turtleneck sweaters to hide their flea
-collars.
+	collars.
 %
 Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
 %
-"Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
+Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think
 Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
 
 	(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
 	(2) Advising the President.
-	(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin."
+	(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
 		-- David Letterman
 %
 Be prepared... that's the Boy Scout's solemn creed.
@@ -470,18 +406,17 @@ Know-How reloaded the brassiere with tits, every heterosexual male in
 the country was hopelessly trapped.
 		-- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
 %
-"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire,
-and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
+Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire,
+and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
 		-- Terry Pratchett
 %
-"California is proud to be the home of the freeway."
+California is proud to be the home of the freeway.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
-"Can you hammer a 6-inch spike into a wooden plank with your penis?"
-
-"Uh, not right now."
-
-"Tsk.  A girl has to have some standards."
+	"Can you hammer a 6-inch spike into a wooden plank with your
+penis?"
+	"Uh, not right now."
+	"Tsk.  A girl has to have some standards."
 		-- "Real Genius"
 %
 Captain Hook died of jock itch.
@@ -516,17 +451,17 @@ book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.  One who
 follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent
 with a life of sin.
 %
-Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found
-difficult and not tried.
+Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been
+found difficult and not tried.
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
 %
 Clarke's Third Law:
 	Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
-magic.
+	magic.
 
 G's Third Law:
 	In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
-is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
+	is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
 
 H's Dictum:
 	There is no magic....
@@ -572,8 +507,8 @@ Conserve energy -- make love more slowly.
 %
 Cunnilingus is next to godliness.
 %
-Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?  _____FIRST you rape, ____THEN you
-pillage!!
+Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?  _F_I_R_S_T you rape,
+_T_H_E_N you pillage!!
 %
 Dear Lord, observe this bended knee
 This visage meek and humble,
@@ -583,12 +518,12 @@ Voiced in reverent mumble:
 	But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!
 		-- Ansel Adams
 %
-"Dear Mr. Seldes:  I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement
+Dear Mr. Seldes:  I cannot remember the exact wording of the statement
 to which you allude; but what I meant was that ... a man who calls
 himself a 100% American and is proud of it, is generally 150% an idiot
 politically.  But the designations may be good business for war
 veterans.  Having bled for their country in 1861 and 1918, they have
-bled it all they could consequently.  And why not?"
+bled it all they could consequently.  And why not?
 		-- George Seldes, "The Great Quotations"
 %
 Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a
@@ -599,7 +534,6 @@ the people.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
 %
 Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?
-
 		... Seats 500.
 %
 Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"?
@@ -629,17 +563,18 @@ two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:
 %
 Do something big -- fuck a giant
 %
-"Do you cheat on your wife?" asked the psychiatrist.
-"Who else?" answered the patient.
+	"Do you cheat on your wife?" asked the psychiatrist.
+	"Who else?" answered the patient.
 %
 Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
 %
-"Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash."
+Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
 		-- Bo Diddley
 %
 Dope will get you through times of no money better that money will get
 you through times of no dope.
-		-- Gilbert Shelton
+		-- Freewheelin' Franklin, "The Fabulous Furry Freak
+		   Brothers" by Gilbert Shelton
 %
 Draft beer, not people
 %
@@ -677,8 +612,8 @@ male schlemiel.
 %
 Evangelists do it with Him watching.
 %
-"Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
-just a bit unchivalrous ..."
+Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
+just a bit unchivalrous ...
 		-- Robert Benchley
 %
 Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
@@ -718,7 +653,7 @@ punish him?  Because George still had the axe in his hand.
 Getting an education at the University of California is like having
 $50.00 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.
 %
-"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
+Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
 		-- Mark Twain
 %
 God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
@@ -741,7 +676,7 @@ GOD is applied POWER
 "God is as real as I am," the old man said.  My faith was restored, for
 I knew that Santa would never lie.
 %
-"God is big, so don't fuck with him."
+God is big, so don't fuck with him.
 %
 God isn't dead -- he's been busted.
 %
@@ -802,7 +737,7 @@ Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God
 finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
 		-- R. E. Masters
 %
-"He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control."
+He could be a poster child for retroactive birth control.
 %
 He hated to mend, so young Ned
 Called in a cute neighbor instead.
@@ -841,7 +776,7 @@ that it was illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about
 it because the court was going to take a nap.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
 %
-"Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
+Here's the holiday schedule for Monday's observation of Martin Luther
 King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
 
 	* Governmental offices
@@ -851,10 +786,10 @@ King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
 	* Banks
 	* Parts of Palm Beach
 
-and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina."
+and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
 		-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
 %
-"He's not pining, he's passed on!  This parrot won't squawk!  He's
+He's not pining, he's passed on!  This parrot won't squawk!  He's
 ceased to be!  He's expired, and gone to meet his maker!  It's a
 stiff!  No breath of life, he may rest in peace!  If you hadn't nailed
 him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies!  He's off the twig!
@@ -864,16 +799,17 @@ Choir Invincible!  HE'S FUCKING SNUFFED IT!  Vis-a-vi his metabolic
 processes is head is lost.  All statements concerning this parrot is no
 longer a going concern, after from now on, Inoperative...
 
-		THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
+		THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
+		-- Monty Python
 %
 History has the relation to truth that theology has to religion --
 i.e., none to speak of.
 		-- Lazarus Long
 %
-"How do you like the new America?  We've cut the fat out of the
+How do you like the new America?  We've cut the fat out of the
 government, and more recently the heart and brain (the backbone was
 gone some time ago).  All we seem to have left now is muscle.  We'll be
-lucky to escape with our skins!"
+lucky to escape with our skins!
 %
 Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole.
 		-- John Valby
@@ -906,7 +842,7 @@ In a long distance telephone booth.
 	Of an ideal connection
 Even if somewhat uncouth.
 %
-"I own my own body, but I share."
+I own my own body, but I share.
 %
 I realize that today you have a number of top female athletes such as
 Martina Navratilova who can run like deer and bench-press Chevrolet
@@ -943,9 +879,9 @@ the Footnotes of a Ph.D., the Low Grades of a Freshman, the Anxieties
 of an Untenured Professor?
 		-- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels"
 %
-"I will profane your fucking remains, E. B."
-"Not my remains, Al!"
-"Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig."
+	"I will profane your fucking remains, E. B."
+	"Not my remains, Al!"
+	"Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig."
 		-- Al Swearingen, E. B. Farnum, _Deadwood_
 %
 I would like to suggest that you not use speed, and here's why:  it is
@@ -968,17 +904,17 @@ If all these sweet young things were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be a
 bit surprised.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-"If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned
+If anyone wants to trade a couple of centrally located, well-cushioned
 showgirls for an eroded slope 90 minutes from Broadway, I'll be on this
-corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out."
+corner tomorrow at 11 with my tongue hanging out.
 		-- S. J. Perelman
 %
 If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in
 James Watt's office.
 		-- Wayne Shannon, KRON-TV
 %
-"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
-apostles."
+If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10
+apostles.
 %
 If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
 %
@@ -1009,11 +945,11 @@ addition to creation science and the flatness of the earth, the
 following beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as Church dogma:
 
     --  That there is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from which
-        UFOs come.
+	UFOs come.
     --  That pi equals precisely 3.000.
     --  That sex can be enjoyed only by blacks and homosexuals.
     --  That Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.) has successfully squared
-        the circle.
+	the circle.
     --  That Harry Truman is still president, and doing a fine job.
     --  That pi equals precisely 22/7.
 
@@ -1027,24 +963,24 @@ in the whole wide world, don't trust him.  It means he experiments.
 %
 If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try a different position.
 %
-"If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a
-buzz-saw."
-		-- W. C. Fields
+If you're a real good kid, I'll give you a piggy-back ride on a
+buzz-saw.
+		-- W.C. Fields
 %
 Ignorance is the Mother of Devotion.
 		-- Robert Burton
 %
 I'm for peace -- I've yet to see a man wake up in the morning and say
 "I've just had a good war."
-	       -- Mae West
+		-- Mae West
 %
 I'm going to Iowa for an award.  Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall,
 it's sold out.  Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French
 government -- I'd give it all up for one erection.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
-"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with
-reality at any point."
+In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with
+reality at any point.
 		-- Friedrich Nietzsche
 %
 In the Garden of Eden sat Adam,
@@ -1054,50 +990,52 @@ Massaging the bust of his madam,
 There were only two boobs and he had 'em.
 %
 Incest, n.:
-	Sibling revelry.
+	Sibling revelry; a sport the whole family can enjoy.
 %
 Isn't it odd that people who object to "foul" language are always the
 fucking dickheads that need swearing at?
 %
-"Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time
-someone writes `bible thumpers?'"
+Is it just me, or does anyone else read `bible humpers' every time
+someone writes `bible thumpers?'
 		-- Joel M. Snyder, jms@mis.arizona.edu
 %
 It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
 classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
 %
-"It says he made us all to be just like him.  So if we're dumb, then
-god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side."
+It says he made us all to be just like him.  So if we're dumb, then
+god is dumb, and maybe even a little ugly on the side.
 		-- Frank Zappa
 %
-"It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The
+It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The
 Greeks never said it was sweet to die for anything.  They had no vital
-lies."
+lies.
 		-- Edith Hamilton, "The Greek Way"
 %
-"I've got my ANSI C Reference book right here but it doesn't say anything
+I've got my ANSI C Reference book right here but it doesn't say anything
 about getting raped in the ass as part of the official C language (maybe
-I should get a C++ reference manual)" -- Deuce, Jerk City
+I should get a C++ reference manual).
+		-- Deuce, Jerk City
 %
-"I've had one child.  My husband wants to have another.  I'd like to
-watch him have another."
+I've had one child.  My husband wants to have another.  I'd like to
+watch him have another.
+		-- Rita Rudner
 %
 Jesus died for your sins.  Make it worth his time.
 %
-"Jesus saves... but Gretzky gets the rebound!"
+Jesus saves... but Gretzky gets the rebound!
 		-- Daniel Hinojosa
 %
 Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
 %
-John Birch Society -- that pathetic manifestation of organized
-apoplexy.
+John Birch Society:
+	That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
 		-- Edward P. Morgan
 %
 Kasha, n.:
 	Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats".  There's only
-one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat
-groats"?  *_I* know what they are -- they're kasha.  But that doesn't
-help *___you* much.
+	one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat
+	groats"?  *_I* know what they are -- they're kasha.  But that
+	doesn't help *_y_o_u* much.
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
 Kill a commie for Christ!
@@ -1144,19 +1082,19 @@ Megaton Man:	"It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"
 Missionary Position:
 	The missionary on top.
 %
-"Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a
-boot if the instructions were printed on the heel."
+Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss out of a
+boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.
 %
 Motto of the Electrical Engineer:
 	Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis: it
-stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
+	stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
 %
 My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet.  He goes around
 with his head stuck up his ass.
 %
-"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of
-saying except in a desperate case.  It is like saying, "My mother,
-drunk or sober."
+"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would
+think of saying except in a desperate case.  It is like saying,
+"My mother, drunk or sober."
 		-- G. K. Chesterton
 %
 My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my
@@ -1167,7 +1105,7 @@ No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
 she will or will not be a mother.
 		-- Margaret H. Sanger
 %
-"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."
+Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
 Nothing is better than Sex.
@@ -1183,24 +1121,10 @@ Nuke the gay, unborn, baby whales for Jesus.
 %
 Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
 %
-Occident, n.:
-	The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient.  It
-is largely inhabited by Christians, powerful sub-tribe of the
-Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which
-they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce."  These, also, are the
-principal industries of the Orient.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
-%
 Ocean, n.:
 	A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for
 man -- who has no gills.
 %
-Once a young gay from Khartoum
-Took a lesbian up to his room.
-	They argued all night
-	Over who had the right
-To do what, and with which, and to whom.
-%
 Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
 fly south for the winter.  However, soon after the weather turned cold,
 the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
@@ -1234,7 +1158,7 @@ productive life, my son.  You take the parachute and leave me in God's
 hands."  "That's very kind of you," the observant scout replied, "but
 there is no need.  Reagan just jumped out with my knapsack."
 %
-"One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not
+One Saturday afternoon, during the campaign to decide whether or not
 there should be a Coastal Commission, I took a helicopter ride from Los
 Angeles to San Diego.  We passed several state beaches, some crowded
 and some virtually empty.  They had the same facilities, and in some
@@ -1242,7 +1166,7 @@ cases the crowded and the empty beach were within a quarter mile of
 each other.  Obviously many beach-goers prefer to be crowded together.
 Buying more beaches that people won't go to because they prefer to be
 crowded together on one beach is a ridiculous waste of our natural
-resources and our taxes."
+resources and our taxes.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists.  But it has
@@ -1261,12 +1185,12 @@ Purmal's Corollary:
 	As the limit of (Brains x Beauty) goes to infinity,
 availability goes to zero.
 %
-"Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
+Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
 a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave
 national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to
 gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it  by furnishing the
 exorbitant sums demanded.  Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem
-never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real."
+never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real.
 		-- General Douglas MacArthur, 1957
 %
 Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where
@@ -1301,66 +1225,72 @@ Procrastinators do it tomorrow.
 Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and
 still come out ahead.
 %
-Q:  How do you play religious roulette?
-A:  You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
-    by lightning first.
+Q:	How do you play religious roulette?
+A:	You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
+	by lightning first.
 %
-Q:  How do you tell if an elephant has been making love in your
-    backyard?
-A:  If all your trashcan liners are missing....
+Q:	How do you tell if an elephant has been making love in your
+	backyard?
+A:	If all your trashcan liners are missing....
 %
-Q:  How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher,
-    or an airline stewardess?
-A:  A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit."  A schoolteacher says:
-    "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it
-    right."  An airline stewardess says: "Just hold this over your
-    mouth and nose, and breathe normally."
+Q:	How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher,
+	or an airline stewardess?
+A:	A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit."
+	A schoolteacher says: "We're just going to have to do this over
+	and over again until we get it right."
+	An airline stewardess says: "Hold this over your mouth and
+	nose, and breathe normally."
+
+... and bank tellers say "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
+... and saleswomen say "Thank you, come again soon!"
+... and WASPs say "Do you have that in a bigger size?"
+... and piano teachers say "Keep those fingers arched! TEMPO! TEMPO!"
 %
-Q:  How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
-A:  Two.  One to screw it in and one to say that light started when the
-    screwing began.
+Q:	How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
+A:	Two.  One to screw it in and one to say that light started when the
+	screwing began.
 %
-Q:  How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
-A:  None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
+Q:	How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
+A:	None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
 %
-Q:  How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus?
-A:  As much as he wants.
+Q:	How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus?
+A:	As much as he wants.
 %
-Q:  If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would Cheetah
-    be?
-A:  A fur coat.
+Q:	If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess, what would
+	Cheetah be?
+A:	A fur coat.
 %
-Q:  What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
-A:  Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
+Q:	What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
+A:	Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
 %
-Q:  What do you get when you cross James Dean with Ronald Reagan?
-A:  A rebel without a clue.
+Q:	What do you get when you cross James Dean with Ronald Reagan?
+A:	A rebel without a clue.
 %
-Q:  What is "SMOORPLAY"?
-A:  It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
+Q:	What is "SMOORPLAY"?
+A:	It's what SMURFS do before they SMUCK, of course!
 %
-Q:  What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
-A:  A cheese grater.
+Q:	What is the worst story Helen Keller ever read?
+A:	A cheese grater.
 %
-Q:  What's Jewish foreplay?
-A:  Two hours of begging.
+Q:	What's Jewish foreplay?
+A:	Two hours of begging.
 %
-Q:  Where can you buy black lace crotchless panties for sheep?
-A:  Fredrick's of Ithaca, New York.
+Q:	Where can you buy black lace crotchless panties for sheep?
+A:	Fredrick's of Ithaca, New York.
 %
-Q:  Where does virgin wool come from?
-A:  Ugly sheep.
+Q:	Where does virgin wool come from?
+A:	Ugly sheep.
 %
-Q:  Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
-A:  So she can moan with the other!
+Q:	Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
+A:	So she can moan with the other!
 %
-"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
+Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
 exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday.  Mannis feels he must
 devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate
 from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
 Nazi Martin Bormann.  A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
 weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
-reached for comment, but we chose not to listen."
+reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
 		-- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"
 %
 Randel, n.:
@@ -1636,14 +1566,8 @@ Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
 	Made her period late,
 And now she has athlete's fetus.
 %
-Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
-Whose virtue was largely a myth,
-	"Try as hard as I can,
-	I can't find a man
-That it's fun to be virtuous with."
-%
 Said Einstein, "I have an equation
-Which to some may seem rabelaisian:
+Which to some may seem Rabelaisian:
 	Let _V be virginity
 	Approaching infinity;
 Let _P be a constant persuasion;
@@ -1662,8 +1586,8 @@ Secrets to a happy marriage
 	3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
 	4. It is important that these three women never meet your wife.
 %
-Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is
-needed.
+Sex is like a bridge game.
+If you have a good hand no partner is needed.
 %
 Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation ... the other eight
 are unimportant.
@@ -1688,7 +1612,7 @@ Statisticians probably do it.
 %
 Subpoena, n.:
 	From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male
-organ or penis.  Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."
+	organ or penis.  Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."
 %
 Support the right of unborn males to bear arms!
 		-- A public service announcement from Phyllis Schlafly,
@@ -1701,16 +1625,16 @@ you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
 Sure, Reagan has promised to take senility tests.  But what if he
 forgets?
 %
-"Taxes should hurt.  I just mailed my own tax return last night and I
-am prepared to say `ouch!' as loud as anyone."
+Taxes should hurt.  I just mailed my own tax return last night and I
+am prepared to say "ouch!" as loud as anyone.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
-"The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled
-at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains."
+The Army is a place where you get up early in the morning to be yelled
+at by people with short haircuts and tiny brains.
 		-- Dave Barry
 %
-The computer is the ultimate polluter: its shit is indistinguishable
-from the food it produces.
+The computer is the ultimate polluter.
+Its shit is indistinguishable from the food it produces.
 %
 The difference between this school and a cactus plant is that the
 cactus has the pricks on the outside.
@@ -1761,8 +1685,8 @@ The sergeant walked into the shower and caught me giving myself a
 dishonorable discharge.  Without missing a beat, I said, "It's my dick
 and I can wash it as fast as I want!"
 %
-"The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual
-curiosity."
+The State of California has no business subsidizing intellectual
+curiosity.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
@@ -1777,19 +1701,16 @@ The United States Army:
 194 years of proud service,
 unhampered by progress.
 %
-The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
-everybody and still nobody likes him.
-		-- Jim Samuels
+The voters have spoken, the bastards.
 %
-"The voters have spoken, the bastards...."
-%
-"The whole world is about three drinks behind."
+The whole world is about three drinks behind.
 		-- Humphrey Bogart
 %
 The word "spine" is, of course, an anagram of "penis".  This is true in
 almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people
 have attempted to explain why.  Usually these explanations get bogged
 down in silly puns about "standing erect".
+		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
 %
 The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of shit.
 %
@@ -1815,187 +1736,15 @@ There are three religious truths:
 %
 There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
 %
-"There is a God, but He drinks."
+There is a God, but He drinks.
 		-- Blore
 %
-There once was a couple named Kelley,
-Who lived their life belly to belly.
-	Because in their haste
-	They used Library Paste,
-Instead of Petroleum Jelly.
-%
-There once was a feisty young terrier
-Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
-	He'd yip and he'd yap,
-	Then leap up and snap,
-And the fairer the derriere the merrier.
-%
-There once was a freshman named Lin,
-Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
-	A virgin named Joan
-	From a bible belt home,
-Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
-%
-There once was a hacker named Ken
-Who inherited truckloads of Yen
-	So he built him some chicks
-	Of silicon chips
-And hasn't been heard from since then.
-%
-There once was a lady from Exeter,
-So pretty that men craned their necks at her.
-	One was even so brave
-	As to take out and wave
-The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.
-%
 There once was a man named Eugene
 Who invented a screwing machine
 	Concave and convex
 	It served either sex
 And it played with itself in between.
 %
-There once was a plumber from Leigh,
-Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
-	Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
-	I think someone's coming!"
-Said he, "Yes I know love, it's me."
-%
-There once was a queen of Bulgaria
-Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
-	Till a prince from Peru
-	Who came up for a screw
-Had to hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
-%
-There once was a Scot named McAmeter
-With a tool of prodigious diameter.
-	It was not the size
-	That cause such surprise;
-'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
-%
-There was a bluestocking in Florence
-Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
-	Till a Spanish grandee,
-	Got her off with his knee,
-And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
-%
-There was a gay countess of Bray,
-And you may think it odd when I say,
-	That in spite of high station,
-	Rank and education,
-She always spelled cunt with a "k".
-%
-There was a young fellow named Bliss
-Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
-	For even with Venus
-	His recalcitrant penis
-Would never do better than t
-			   h
-			   i
-			   s
-			   .
-%
-There was a young girl from Hong Kong
-Whose cervical cap was a gong.
-	She said with a yell,
-	As a shot rang her bell,
-"I'll give you a ding for a dong!"
-%
-There was a young girl named Sapphire
-Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
-	She said, "It's a sin,
-	But now that it's in,
-Could you shove it a few inches higher?"
-%
-There was a young girl of Angina
-Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
-	From the love-making frock
-	(With the proper sized cock)
-Came Tocata and Fugue in D minor.
-%
-There was a young girl of Darjeeling
-Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
-	There was never a sound
-	For miles around
-Save of fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
-%
-There was a young lad name of Durcan
-Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
-	His father said, "Durcan!
-	Stop jerkin' your gherkin!
-Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'."
-%
-There was a young lady from Maine
-Who claimed she had men on her brain.
-	But you knew from the view,
-	As her abdomen grew,
-It was not on her brain that he'd lain.
-%
-There was a young lady named Clair
-Who possessed a magnificent pair;
-	At least so I thought
-	Till I saw one get caught
-On a thorn, and begin losing air.
-%
-There was a young lady named Hall,
-Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
-	The dress caught on fire
-	And burned her entire
-Front page, sporting section, and all.
-%
-There was a young lady named Twiss
-Who said she thought fucking a bliss,
-	For it tickled her bum
-	And caused her to come
-.siht ekil gniyl ylbatrofmoc elihW
-%
-There was a young lady of Norway
-Who hung by her toes in a doorway.
-	She said to her beau
-	"Just look at me, Joe;
-I think I've discovered one more way."
-%
-There was a young man from Bel-Aire
-Who was screwing his girl on the stair,
-	But the banister broke,
-	So he doubled his stroke,
-And finished her off in mid-air.
-%
-There was a young man named Crockett
-Whose balls got caught in a socket.
-	His wife was a bitch,
-	And she threw the switch,
-As Crockett went off like a rocket.
-%
-There was a young man of Cape Horn
-Who wished he had never been born,
-	And he wouldn't have been
-	If his father had seen
-That the end of the rubber was torn.
-%
-There was a young man of St. John's
-Who wanted to bugger the swans.
-	But the loyal hall porter
-	Said, "Pray take my daughter!
-Those birds are reserved for the dons."
-%
-There was a young whore from Kaloo
-Who filled her vagina with glue.
-	She said with a grin,
-	"If they pay to get in,
-They can pay to get out again too!"
-%
-There was an old man of the port
-Whose prick was remarkably short.
-	When he got into bed,
-	The old woman said,
-"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"
-%
-There was an old pirate named Bates
-Who was learning to rhumba on skates.
-	He fell on his cutlass,
-	Which rendered him nutless
-And practically useless on dates.
-%
 There were the Scots
 Who kept the Sabbath
 And everything else they could lay their hands on.
@@ -2014,13 +1763,13 @@ anything to me.
 		-- John Wayne
 %
 There's more than one way to skin a cat:
-	Way number 15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
+	#15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
 %
 There's more than one way to skin a cat:
-	Way number 27 -- Use an electric sander.
+	#27 -- Use an electric sander.
 %
 There's more than one way to skin a cat:
-	Way number 32 -- Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.
+	#32 -- Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.
 %
 There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?  A peanut butter
 and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.
@@ -2043,29 +1792,10 @@ This limerick is **SO**FILTHY** that it would offend you.  So I'll put
 		Di-dah di-dah di-dah.
 	Di-dah di-dah, di-dah di-fuck.
 %
-This test has been designed to evaluate reactions of management
-personnel to various situations.
-
-You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
-in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchilada casserole and
-egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
-Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
-bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.
-
-YOU SHOULD:
-
-(a) Offer to come back next week when the smell has gone away.
-(b) Point to the Chief Executive and accuse him of the offense.
-(c) Challenge anyone in the room to do better.
-%
 Thou shalt not omit adultery.
 %
 To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
 %
-"Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad
-name."
-		-- Gore Vidal
-%
 'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod		And as in raffish thought he sprawled,
 Did groove and trip out at the pad:	The Radcliffe girl, no idle flirt,
 All whimsy were the slamming chicks,	Crept past the hippies getting balled
@@ -2087,8 +1817,8 @@ And paused to smoke some pot.
 					All whimsy were the slamming chicks,
 					And the Radcliffe undergrad.
 %
-"Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under Communism, it's just the
-opposite."
+Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under Communism, it's just the
+opposite.
 		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
 %
 Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid
@@ -2106,37 +1836,40 @@ Virgin, n.:
 %
 War is menstruation envy.
 %
-"Water?  Never touch the stuff!  Fish fuck in it."
-		-- W. C. Fields
+Water?  Never touch the stuff!  Fish fuck in it.
+		-- W.C. Fields
 %
 We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
 %
-"We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at
-hand."
+We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at
+hand.
 		-- James Watt
 %
 We have reason to believe that man first
 walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
 		-- Lily Tomlin
 %
-"We should declare war on North Vietnam.  We could pave the whole
-country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."
+We should declare war on North Vietnam.  We could pave the whole
+country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas.
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 Well, see, Joyce, there we were, trapped in the elevator.  Now, I had
 my tennis racquet and the goldfish; she was holding the Crisco.  Surely
 you can imagine how one thing naturally led to another!
 %
-Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt
-great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway, he just
-felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at
-him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"  And this poor
-quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one is mightier
-than you."  A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just
+	Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just
+felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway,
+he just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and
+roared at him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
+	And this poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are of
+course, no one is mightier than you."
+	A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just
 bellows out: "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE
-ANIMALS?"  The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages
+ANIMALS?"
+	The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages
 to stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the
-jungle."  The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that
+jungle."
+	The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that
 was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice:
 "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"  Well, this
 elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down;
@@ -2174,22 +1907,12 @@ When God created man, She was only testing.
 When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
 		-- Charles Merrill Smith
 %
-"When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that
-can't happen."
-		-- Richard Nixon as a boy (on the Teapot Dome scandal)
-%
 When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by a dog's
 rule of life: if you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it!
 %
-While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
-Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
-	She explained, "They are flat,
-	But think nothing of that --
-You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
-%
-"White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
+White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
 so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall.  That way, by the
-time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair."
+time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
 %
 Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are
 horses?
@@ -2198,7 +1921,7 @@ horses?
 Why marry a virgin?  If she wasn't good enough for the rest of them
 then she isn't good enough for you.
 %
-Women Unite!  Make *___him* sleep in the wet spot tonight!
+Women Unite!  Make *_h_i_m* sleep in the wet spot tonight!
 %
 Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination
 		-- Graffito in a women's restroom
@@ -2208,8 +1931,8 @@ Women's Libbers are OK.  I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
 Would you mind terribly much if I asked you to take your silly-assed
 problem down the hall?
 %
-"Yes, that was Richard Nixon.  He used to be President.  When he left
-the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."
+Yes, that was Richard Nixon.  He used to be President.  When he left
+the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"
 %
 You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the
@@ -2221,9 +1944,9 @@ handshake, followed by a remark designed to show you don't mind a bit,
 such as "I see you are a (name of a minority group)!  Good!"
 		-- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"
 %
-"You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but
+You and I as individuals can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but
 only for a limited period of time.  Why should we think that collectively,
-as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?"
+as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?
 		-- Ronald Reagan
 %
 You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an
@@ -2250,7 +1973,7 @@ You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't
 pick your friend's nose.
 %
 You can't underestimate the power of fear.
-		-- Tricia Nixon
+		-- Tricia Nixon Cox
 %
 You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to
 get back inside.
@@ -2267,20 +1990,8 @@ there.  He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:
 
 (c) Ask if she is still working the streets.
 %
-You have prepared a proposal for your supervisor.  The success of this
-proposal will mean increasing your salary 20%.  In the middle of your
-proposal your supervisor leans over to look at your report and spits
-into your coffee.  You:
-
-(a) Tell him you take your coffee black.
-
-(b) Ask him if he has any communicable diseases.
-
-(c) Show him who's in command; promptly take a leak in his "In"
-    basket.
-%
-"You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying
-to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently."
+You have to regard everything I say with suspicion -- I may be trying
+to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently.
 		-- J. Wainwright, Mathematics 140b
 %
 UNIX is hard. Let's go shopping!
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
index ac190e7..f4ef14b 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o
@@ -1,5 +1,4 @@
-This fortune brought to you by:
-$FreeBSD$
+%% $FreeBSD$
 %
 						PLAYGIRL, Inc.
 						Philadelphia, Pa.  19369
@@ -61,26 +60,6 @@ Why'd she have VD?  I don't know, she wouldn't say.
 I did something wrong, now I long for yesterday ....
 		-- To the tune of "Yesterday"
 %
-		THE CHURCH OF COUNTERFACTUAL BELIEF
-
-An amalgamation of the Creation Science Research Foundation and the Flat Earth
-Society, The Church of Counterfactual Belief has been set up to cater to all
-who do not allow demonstrable truth to get in the way of their beliefs.
-In addition to creation science and the flatness of the earth, the following
-beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as correct Church dogma:
-
-	--That there is a hole in the Earth at the North Pole from
-		which UFOs come.
-	--That pi equals precisely 3.000.
-	--That Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.) has successfully
-		squared the circle.
-	--That Harry Truman is still president, and doing a fine job.
-
-Several other important counterfactual beliefs are presently being studied,
-including Reaganomics and that the moon landings were done in a Hollywood
-special effects studio.  These will be the subject of some forthcoming Papal
-Bull.
-%
 		The Snack
 Oh my God, screamed Mommy, You went and ate the Baby.
 
@@ -102,16 +81,6 @@ Nothing to eat?
 Testicles, testicles, said Daddy.  A man gets tired of testicles.
 		-- L.L. Zeiger
 %
-	... So this is a very confusing situation, and what makes it even
-worse is, our standards keep changing.  Take Playboy magazine.  Back in the
-1950s, when I started reading it strictly for the articles, Playboy was
-considered just about the raciest thing around, even though all it ever
-showed was women's breasts.  Granted, any given one of these breasts would
-have provided adequate shelter for a family of four, but the overall effect
-was no more explicit than many publications we think nothing of today, such
-as Sports Illustrated's Annual Nipples Poking Through Swimsuits Issue.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
 	A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods.  The bear looks
 over at the rabbit and asks, "Say, does shit ever stick to your fur?"
 	"No."
@@ -635,12 +604,6 @@ remains of her cat.  As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver,
 	The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said,
 "Sit with my wife.  You two have a lot in common."
 %
-	And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
-	They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the
-ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our
-very selfhood revealed."
-	And Jesus replied, "What?"
-%
 	"Anything else, sir?" asked the attentive bellhop, trying his best
 to make the lady and gentleman comfortable in their penthouse suite in the
 posh hotel.
@@ -653,7 +616,7 @@ a postcard?"
 Yuppie women are; cold, ruthless bitches with no time for love, and only
 an occasional weekend for sex.  Your one "hot date" with Joe Fastrack,
 rising corporate star, ended in disaster.  Yesterday you heard him telling
-a friend over lunch,  "The woman must masturbate with popsicles!"  Well,
+a friend over lunch, "The woman must masturbate with popsicles!"  Well,
 all is not lost!  SofSqueeze can change your nickname to Electrolux in just
 15 minutes a day!
 	SofSqueeze is a pressure sensitive device (divided into appropriate
@@ -727,42 +690,20 @@ last night, nothing!"
 	"Nothing?" his pal asked.  "How come?"
 	"Hey, you ever tried putting a marshmallow in a parking meter?"
 %
-	But among the children of the Great Society there were those whose
-skins were black.  And lo!  Their portion was niggardly, and of the fatted
-calf they were sucking hind teat...
-	Now it came to pass that a prophet rose up amongst them, and they
-called him King.  And he went unto Pharaoh and said, "Let my people go to
-the front of the bus."
-	But Pharaoh answered: "In the fullness of time and with all
-deliberate speed shall this thing come to pass.  When ye shall prove
-yourselves worthy, shall ye have your just portion -- yea, verily, like
-unto a snowball in Hell."
-		-- "The Begatting of a President"
-%
-	But the reward of a successful collaboration is a thing that
-cannot be produced by either of the parties working alone.  It is akin
-to the benefits of sex with a partner, as opposed to masturbation.  The
-latter is fun, but you show me anyone who has gotten a baby from playing
-with him or herself, and I'll show you an ugly baby, with just a whole
-bunch of knuckles.
-		-- Harlan Ellison
-%
-	"Can you hammer a 6-inch spike into a wooden plank with
-your penis?"
-	"Uh, not right now."
-	"Tsk, tsk.  A girl has to have *some* standards."
-		-- Real Genius
-%
 	Churchill was known to drain a glass or two and, after one
 particularly convivial evening, he chanced to encounter Miss Bessie Braddock,
 a Socialist member of the House of Commons, who, upon seeing his condition,
 said, "Winston, you're drunk."  Mustering all his dignity, Churchill drew
 himself up to his full height, cocked an eyebrow and rejoined, "Shove it up
 your ass, you ugly cunt."
+		-- "The Churchill Wit", National Lampoon
+%
 	When the noted playwright George Bernard Shaw sent him two tickets to
 the opening night of his new play with a note that read: "Bring a friend, if
 you have one," Churchill, not to be outdone, promptly wired back: "You and
 your play can go fuck yourselves."
+		-- "The Churchill Wit", National Lampoon
+%
 	At an elegant dinner party, Lady Astor once leaned across the table
 to remark, "If you were my husband, Winston, I'd poison your coffee."  "And
 if you were my wife, I'd beat the shit out of you," came Churchill's
@@ -778,19 +719,6 @@ the way, if you see your Mom this weekend, would be you sure and tell her,
 `SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!!!'"
 		-- Butthole Surfers, "Sweat Loaf"
 %
-	Dallas Cowboys Official Schedule
-
-	Sept 14		Pasadena Junior High
-	Sept 21		Boy Scout Troop 049
-	Sept 28		Blind Academy
-	Sept 30		World War I Veterans
-	Oct 5		Brownie Scout Troop 041
-	Oct 12		Sugarcreek High Cheerleaders
-	Oct 26		St. Thomas Boys Choir
-	Nov 2		Texas City Vet Clinic
-	Nov 9		Korean War Amputees
-	Nov 15		VA Hospital Polio Patients
-%
 	"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll
 be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"
 %
@@ -820,18 +748,6 @@ ad was quite explicit.  I'm really looking for something of a sexual expert,
 and you... uh... don't have all the..."
 	"Listen," the man interrupted her, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
 %
-	"Don't come back until you have him", the Tick-Tock Man said quietly,
-sincerely, extremely dangerously.
-	They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
-They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
-intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
-They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
-used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
-bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
-They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
-They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
-		-- Harlan Ellison, "Repent, Harlequin, said the Tick-Tock Man"
-%
 	During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were
 blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall.  Suddenly a red-face
 country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost
@@ -846,7 +762,7 @@ she added: "But this fiend expects it three or four times a year!"
 	Ed, a traveling salesman, had his car break down in the middle of a
 blizzard.  He trudged to a nearby farmhouse where the farmer told him that,
 while they were short of beds, he could sleep with his daughter.  She proved
-to be eighteen and beautiful.   So they went to bed, and shortly, Ed made a
+to be eighteen and beautiful.  So they went to bed, and shortly, Ed made a
 pass at the daughter.  "Stop that!" she said.  "I'll call my father."
 	He desisted.  But half an hour later he made another attempt.  "Uh,
 stop ... that," she said.  "I'll call my father."
@@ -874,7 +790,7 @@ finest I've ever had."
 	Ever thought of putting a ferret down your pants?  Yes, ferrets,
 those weasel-like animals originally trained to hunt rats and possessing
 needle sharp claws and razor sharp teeth.  The English do it for sport.
-	Ferret Legging involves the tying of a competitors's trousers at
+	Ferret Legging involves the tying of a competitor's trousers at
 the ankles and then dropping into the trousers a couple of vicious ferrets.
 No jockstraps or underwear allowed -- nothing but the bodies' own.  The
 ferrets must be young and in good condition.  Neither the ferret or the
@@ -951,7 +867,7 @@ such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese."
 and posed the question, "What name would be given to that group?"  The four
 fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities...
 	At last, one spoke: "How about 'a Jam of Tarts'?"  The others nodded
-in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem.  A second
+in acknowledgment as they continued to consider the problem.  A second
 professor spoke: "I'd suggest 'an Essay of Trollops.'"  Again, the others
 nodded.  A third spoke: "I propose 'a Flourish of Strumpets.'"
 	They continued their walk in silence, until the first professor
@@ -974,17 +890,6 @@ dark prison cell?  Or shall she be set free to return to her cozy little
 apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
 in her boudoir, lying beside her little Princess phone, 962-7873?"
 %
-	God built a compelling sex drive into every creature, no matter
-what style of fucking it practiced.  He made sex irresistibly pleasurable,
-wildly joyous, free from fears.  He made it innocent merriment.
-	Needless to say, fucking was an immediate smash hit.  Everyone
-agreed, from aardvarks to zebras.  All the jolly animals -- lions and
-lambs, rhinoceroses and gazelles, skylarks and lobsters, even insects,
-though most of them fuck only once in a lifetime -- fucked along
-innocently and merrily for hundreds of millions of years.  Maybe they
-were dumb animals, but they knew a good thing when they had one.
-		-- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
-%
 	God decided to take the devil to court and settle their
 differences once and for all.
 	When Satan heard of this, he grinned and said, "And just
@@ -1012,7 +917,7 @@ hope in it.  Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
 found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned
 the gun on himself!"
 	"Terrible," said Harry.  "But it could have been worse."
-	"How in hell," demanded his dumfounded friend, "could it possibly
+	"How in hell," demanded his dumbfounded friend, "could it possibly
 have been worse?"
 	"Well," said Harry, "if it had happened the night before, I'd be
 dead right now."
@@ -1253,26 +1158,6 @@ twenty-five-year-old."
 ass?"
 	"Nothing," she replied. "Your name didn't come up at all."
 %
-	Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile.
-Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures.  One day,
-without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation.  In
-an instant, armed troops surround Murray and Esther and hustle them off to
-prison.
-	They can't prove who they are because they've left their passports
-in their hotel room.  For three weeks they're tortured day and night to get
-them to name their contacts in the liberation movement...  Finally they're
-hauled in front of a military court, charged with espionage, and sentenced
-to death.
-	The next morning they're lined up in front of the wall where they'll
-be shot.  The sergeant in charge of the firing squad asks them if they have
-any last requests.  Esther wants to know if she can call her daughter in
-Chicago.  The sergeant says he's sorry, that's not possible, and turns to
-Murray.
-	"This is crazy!" Murray shouts.  "We're not spies!"  And he
-spits in the sergeants face.
-	"Murray!" Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
-		-- Arthur Naiman
-%
 	"My husband commits an inconceivable act of perversion with a
 barnyard animal, and it's not central to my case?!"
 	"Not in California."
@@ -1385,7 +1270,7 @@ never writes..."
 	One PAYDAY, MR. GOODBAR wanted a BIT O' HONEY.  So he took his Miss
 HERSHEY behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of 5th AVENUE and CLARK where he
 there began to feel her MOUNDS.  And that was an ALMOND JOY which definitely
-made his TOOSIE ROLL.
+made his TOOTSIE ROLL.
 	He let out a SNICKER as he slipped his BUTTERFINGER up her KIT KAT
 which of course caused the MILKY WAY.  She screamed "OH, HENRY!" as she
 squeezed his PETER, PAUL and ZAGNUTS and said "you're better then the 3
@@ -1459,7 +1344,8 @@ circuits.
 of time before he gets smashed -- and when a journalist turns into a politics
 junkie he will sooner or later start raving and babbling in print about things
 that only a person who has Been There can possibly understand.
-		-- Hunter Thompson, "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail"
+		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing:
+		   On the Campaign Trail"
 %
 	People who write position papers often find themselves in an
 enviable position.  They are hired to write papers for both sides of the
@@ -1497,23 +1383,14 @@ gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way."
 stood handcuffed in driving rain waiting for transport to prison.  "If
 this is the way Queen Victoria treats her prisoners," he remarked, "she
 doesn't deserve to have any."
-
-	James McNeill Whistler's (painter of "Whistler's Mother")
-failure in his West Point chemistry examination once provoked him to
-remark in later life, "If silicon had been a gas, I should have been a
-major general."
-
-	(German philosopher) Georg Wilhelm Hegel, on his deathbed,
-complained, "Only one man ever understood me."  He fell silent for a
-while and then added, "And he didn't understand me."
-
+%
 	Driving through a Swiss city one day, Alfred Hitchcock suddenly
 pointed out of the car window and said, "That is the most frightening
 sight I have ever seen."  His companion was surprised to see nothing
 more alarming than a priest in conversation with a little boy, his hand
 on the child's shoulder.  "Run, little boy," cried Hitchcock, leaning
 out of the car.  "Run for your life!"
-
+%
 	Grover Cleveland, though constantly at loggerheads with the
 Senate, got on better with the House of Representatives.  A popular
 story circulating during his presidency concerned the night he was
@@ -1521,7 +1398,6 @@ roused by his wife crying, "Wake up!  I think there are burglars in the
 house."
 	"No, no, my dear," said the president sleepily, "in the Senate
 maybe, but not in the House."
-
 %
 	Shortly after arriving at their honeymoon destination, the
 still-nervous groom became worried about the state of his bride's innocence.
@@ -1538,12 +1414,16 @@ assure you, that's a wee-wee."
 certain young lady whose political views were in direct opposition to his
 own.  Fancying herself something of a wag, she exclaimed, "Mr. Churchill, I
 care for neither your politics nor your moustache."  Unabashed, the young
-statesman regarded her quietly for a moment, the wryly commented, "Suck my
+statesman regarded her quietly for a moment, then wryly commented, "Suck my
 dick."
+		-- "The Churchill Wit", National Lampoon
+%
 	While serving as a subaltern in the Boer War, the young Churchill was
 asked by a superior officer to give his opinion of the Boers as soldiers.
  "They're assholes, sir," he ventured, then paused briefly and added, with a
 whimsical smile, "They're assholes."
+		-- "The Churchill Wit", National Lampoon
+%
 	Churchill was given to reading in the bathtub and, while staying at
 the White House, he once became so engrossed in an account of the Battle of
 Fonteney that he forgot President Roosevelt was due to drop by to discuss the
@@ -1569,30 +1449,6 @@ she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley."
 	"So?"
 	"So, she's a liar.  I spent the night with her sister Shirley."
 %
-	The big problem with pornography is defining it.  You can't just
-say it's pictures of people naked.  For example, you have these
-primitive African tribes that exist by chasing the wildebeest on foot,
-and they have to go around largely naked, because, as the old tribal
-saying goes: "N'wam k'honi soit qui mali," which means, "If you think
-you can catch a wildebeest in this climate and wear clothes at the same
-time, then I have some beach front property in the desert region of
-Northern Mali that you may be interested in."
-	So it's not considered pornographic when National Geographic
-publishes color photographs of these people hunting the wildebeest
-naked, or pounding one rock onto another rock for some primitive reason
-naked, or whatever.  But if National Geographic were to publish an
-article entitled "The Girls of the California Junior College System
-Hunt the Wildebeest Naked," some people would call it pornography.  But
-others would not.  And still others, such as the Spectacularly Rev.
-Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing the wildebeest naked.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
-	The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff:
-"You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle
-in his hand.  But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
-	"Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
-but not much good in a fight."
-%
 	The devout Jew was beside himself because his son had been dating
 a shiksa, so he went to visit his rabbi.  The rabbi listened solemnly to
 his problem, took his hand, and said, "Pray to God."
@@ -1614,7 +1470,7 @@ made a short visit into her coach, saw a great crowd assembled, and her
 footman all bloody and dirty; the fellow being asked by his mistress, the
 reason for his being in that condition, answered, "I have been fighting,
 madam, with an impudent rascal who called your ladyship a whore."
-	"You blockhead," replied Mrs. Gywnn, "at this rate you must fight
+	"You blockhead," replied Mrs. Gwynn, "at this rate you must fight
 every day of your life; why, you fool, all the world knows it."
 	"Do they?" cries the fellow, in a muttering voice, after he had shut
 the coach door, "they shan't call me a whore's footman for all that."
@@ -1946,17 +1802,6 @@ deliver this message to the huge, burly driver, whose response was to snarl,
 	"Phil," said Larry, coming back to their car, "I think we're going
 to be able to settle out of court."
 %
-	Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how
-to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say
-`ass' and I'll say `hell'".
-	All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their
-mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast.
-	"Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."
-His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room,
-and turns to the younger brother.  "What'll you have?"
-	"I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass
-it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
-%
 	Two longtime friends sipped Scotch in a local bar and talked about
 their troubles.  "And on top of everything else," said the first, "my wife
 has cut me down to just once a week."
@@ -2003,27 +1848,8 @@ eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses.  "Never mind,"
 I said.  "It's your turn to drive."  I hit the brakes and aimed the Great
 Red Shark toward the shoulder of the highway.  No point in mentioning the
 bats, I thought.  The poor bastard will see them soon enough.
-		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
-		A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream"
-%
-	Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt
-great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway, he just felt
-so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS
-THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
-	And this poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no
-one is mightier than you."
-	A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just bellows out:
-"WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
-	The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages to
-stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
-	The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that was
-quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS
-THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"
-	Well, this elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams
-him down; picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of
-orange and black; and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.
-	The tiger staggers to his feet, looks at the elephant and says: "Man,
-you don't have to get so pissed, just because you don't know the answer!"
+		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
+		   A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream"
 %
 	Well, this woman went to the butcher shop to get some ham for dinner.
 She asked the butcher what kind of ham he recommended, and the butcher said,
@@ -2039,36 +1865,6 @@ the man turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pass the damn ham."
 	Their son looked up, surprised.  "WHOAH!  Dad be gettin' hip!
 How 'bout them mother-fuckin' potatoes?"
 %
-	When the surgeon came to see her on the morning after her
-operation, the young woman asked him somewhat hesitantly how long
-it would be before she could resume her sex life.
-	"I really haven't thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon.
-"You're the first patient who's asked me that after a tonsillectomy!"
-%
-	When you see someone across the room and suddenly know for a fact
-that he's the most wonderful man on earth, you've got instant lust on your
-hands.  Something about the way his tie is knotted is infinitely intriguing
-to you, and the swell of his bicep causes inner turmoil.  This is a happy
-but fleeting state of affairs.  Usually your feelings die about thirty
-seconds after you get up the courage to ask him for the time, since almost
-invariably he can't speak English, and if he can, he always says, "Why,
-sure, little lady, it's eleven-thirty.  Wanna get high?
-	Don't bother thinking that instant lust will turn into the real thing.
-It may, but then you may also wake up one morning to find you're the Queen of
-Rumania.
-		-- Cynthia Hemiel, "Sex Tips for Girls"
-%
-	While hunting, a man saw a beautiful nude woman come running out of
-the woods and disappear across the clearing.  Just as she got out of sight,
-three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods.
-"Hey, you," yelled one of them, "did you see a woman come by here?"
-	"Yes," replied the hunter.  "What's the trouble?"
-	"She's an inmate of the county asylum, and gets loose every now and
-then.  We're trying to catch her."
-	"I can understand that," said the hunter, "But why is one of you
-carrying a bucket of sand?"
-	"That's his handicap," said the spokesman, "he caught her last time."
-%
 	While visiting our country, a lovely French maiden found herself
 out of money just as her visa expired.  Unable to pay her passage back to
 France, she was in despair until an enterprising sailor made her a sporting
@@ -2271,28 +2067,6 @@ your balls.
 	ever saw.
 		-- Esquire, May 1977
 %
-20 REASONS WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A MAN
- 1. A beer never leaves the toilet seat up.
- 2. A beer doesn't want to watch pro wrestling.
- 3. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
- 4. You don't have to worry about getting AIDS from a bisexual beer.
- 5. A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
- 6. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.
- 7. A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburator.
- 8. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
- 9. A beer won't steal the covers.
-10. A beer doesn't buy everything labeled "turbo".
-11. A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.
-12. A beer can't talk about the women who had it before you.
-13. A beer tastes good.
-14. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
-15. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers' quarterback.
-16. You don't have to let a beer win.
-17. A beer always lets you read the Sunday comics first.
-18. A beer will never call you "Babe".  Or "Sugar-hips".
-19. A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
-20. You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.
-%
 667 -- The neighbor of the beast.
 %
 68:
@@ -2302,18 +2076,6 @@ your balls.
 %
 69 + 69 = dinner for 4.
 %
-71:
-	69 with two fingers up your ass.
-		-- George Carlin
-%
-7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
-	The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
-	Redwood Forest.
-
-7:30, Channel 8: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
-	The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
-	Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
-%
 8 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Woman:
 
  1. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
@@ -2361,24 +2123,12 @@ all over him.  "Ah'm big and ah'm bad and I *loves* to fuck your sister."
 	The short guy looked him up and down and said, "I don't blame
 you one bit.  She's *got* to be an improvement on yours."
 %
-A bad little girl in Madrid,
-A most reprehensible kid,
-	Told her Tante Louise
-	That her cunt smelled like cheese,
-And the worst of it was that it did!
-%
 A bar patron returned from the men's room grumbling to himself.
 	"What's the trouble, buddy?" the bartender inquired.
 	"You got John Wayne toilet paper in there!"
 	"What do you mean?" the barkeeper asked.
 	"It's rough, it's tough, and it doesn't take shit from nobody."
 %
-A bather whose clothing was strewed
-By breezes that left her quite nude,
-	Saw a man come along
-	And, unless I am wrong,
-You expected this line to be lewd.
-%
 A beachcomber of 25 had been shipwrecked on a desert island since the age of
 six.  One day, while in search of food, he stumbled across a beautifully
 sensuous female lying on the beach nearly naked; she'd been washed ashore from
@@ -2396,24 +2146,6 @@ beside her and proceeded to demonstrate.  After they had finished, she asked
 how he had enjoyed it.
 	"Great!" was the reply.  "But look what it did to my clamdigger!"
 %
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
-	But another, more sane,
-	Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
-%
-A beautiful belle of Del Norte
-Is reckoned disdainful and haughty
-	Because during the day
-	She says: "Boys, keep away!"
-But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.
-%
-A beautiful lady named Psyche
-Is loved by a fellow named Ikey.
-	One thing about Ike
-	The lady can't like
-Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.
-%
 A beautiful man is paradise for the eyes, hell for the soul, and
 purgatory for the purse.
 %
@@ -2432,13 +2164,6 @@ having sexual intercourse with her.  "Do you know," he pants, "what I'm doing
 now?"
 	"Yes," she says.  "You're getting herpes."
 %
-A beetling young woman named Pridgets
-Had a violent abhorrence of midgets;
-	Off the end of a wharf
-	She once pushed a dwarf
-Whose truncation reduced her to fidgets.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 A big store buyer had been on the road for nearly two months.  Each week he
 would send his wife a telegram saying,
 	"Can't come home yet.  Still buying."
@@ -2448,16 +2173,10 @@ rolled by and she'd still seen nothing of her husband but the weekly telegrams,
 she wired him,
 	"Better come home.  I'm selling what you're buying."
 %
-A big-bosomed Bunny named Gression
-Sold cigars at a key-club concession.
-	When she swiveled about
-	Even strong men cried out,
-For her costume did not keep her flesh in.
-%
 A bisexual chap name of Lunt
 Taught himself an unusual stunt.
-He could peel back his spout
-Turn the skin inside out
+	He could peel back his spout
+	Turn the skin inside out
 Like a glove, to be used as a cunt!
 %
 A bisexual is a man who likes girls as well as the next fellow.
@@ -2481,25 +2200,6 @@ suppose you could try and tell me?"
 and slimey..."  And, as he ran one paw underneath the snake, "and you have
 no balls.  You must be an attorney!"
 %
-A bobby of Nottingham Junction
-Whose organ had long ceased to function
-	Deceived his good wife
-	For the rest of her life
-With the aid of his constable's truncheon.
-%
-A broken-down harlot named Tupps
-Was heard to confess in her cups:
-	"The height of my folly
-	Was diddling a collie-
-But I got a nice price for the pups."
-%
-A burlesque dancer, a pip
-Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
-	But she read science fiction
-	And died of constriction
-Attempting a Moebius strip.
-		-- Cyril Kornbluth, "The Unfortunate Topology"
-%
 A businessman was awe-struck by the beautiful redhead at the hotel bar.
 Seeing his interest, she quietly informed him that she was a prostitute
 and that her price was $500.  He was taken aback by the price, but after
@@ -2508,47 +2208,16 @@ minutes in the bathroom and was shocked when she came out to see him
 masturbating furiously on the bed.  "What are you doing?", she asked.
 	"Baby, for $500, you're not going to get the easy one!"
 %
-A busy young lady named Gloria
-Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier
-	And then by six men,
-	Sir Gerald again,
-And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.
-%
-A cabin boy on an old clipper
-Grew steadily flipper and flipper.
-	He plugged up his ass
-	With fragments of glass
-And thus circumcised his old skipper.
-%
 A Catholic and a Methodist were carpooling to work one morning, when a brick
 fell out of the sky, which startled the driver and caused him to swerve off
 the road and into a telephone pole, totaling the car.
 	The two stumbled out of the wreckage, both feeling quite fortunate
 to be alive.  The Catholic crossed himself.  Then the Protestant crossed
 himself in an accentuated manner.
-	"Hey," said the Catholic, "I why did you cross yourself, you're not
+	"Hey," said the Catholic, "Why did you cross yourself, you're not
 Catholic!"
 	"Just checking," replied his friend, crossing himself again,
-"spectacles, testicals, wallet, pen."
-%
-A cautious young fellow named Lodge
-Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
-	When his date was strapped in,
-	He committed a sin,
-Without even leaving his grodge.
-%
-A cautious young fellow named Lodge,
-Had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
-	With his date all strapped in
-	He committed a sin
-Without even leaving the garage.
-		-- "A Boy and His Dog"
-%
-A cautious young fellow named Tunney
-Had a whang that was worth any money.
-	When eased in half-way,
-	The girl's sigh made him say,
-"Why the sigh?"  "For the rest of it, honey."
+"spectacles, testicles, wallet, pen."
 %
 A certain bartender decided to try to get a few new customers into his bar
 by starting a gimmick involving a horse.  His claim was that if anyone could
@@ -2568,102 +2237,17 @@ said, "How did you make him laugh the other two nights?"
 	"How did you make him cry tonight?"
 	"I proved it."
 %
-A certain young man, it was noted,
-Went about in the heat thickly-coated;
-	He said, "You may scoff,
-	But I shan't take it off;
-Underneath I am horribly bloated."
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
-A certain young person of Ghent,
-Uncertain if lady or gent,
-	Shows his organs at large
-	For a small handling charge
-To assist him in paying the rent.
-%
-A certain young sheik of Algiers
-Said to his harem, "My dears,
-	Though you may think it odd of me,
-	I'm tired of just sodomy
-Let's try straight fucking."  (loud cheers!)
-%
-A chap down in Oklahoma
-Had a cock that could sing La Paloma,
-	But the sweetness of pitch
-	Couldn't put off the hitch
-Of impotence, size and aroma.
-%
-A charmer from old Amarillo,
-Sick of finding strange heads on her pillow,
-	Decided one day
-	That to keep men away
-She would stuff up her crevice with Brillo.
-%
-A chippy who worked in Black Bluff
-Had a pussy as large as a muff.
-	It had room for both hands
-	And some intimate glands,
-And was soft as a little duck's fluff.
-%
 A chiseler is a man who goes stag to a wife-swapping party.
 %
-A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on
-Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
-		-- Thomas Ybarra
-%
 A clergical student named Simms
 Hums liturgical tunes while he rims:
 	A nice piece of ass
 	Gets the B-Minor Mass ...
 All the others get Anglican hymns.
 %
-A clerical student named Pryne
-Through pain sought to reach the divine:
-	He wore a hair shirt,
-	Quite often ate dirt,
-And bathed every Friday in brine.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
-A clever young man named Eugene
-Invented a jack-off machine.
-	On the twenty-third stroke
-	The fuckin' thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
-%
 A clitoris is a lot like Antarctica;
 most men know it's there, but few really care.
 %
-A cocksucking steno named Beeman
-Remarked as she swallowed my semen :
-	"On my minuscule salary
-	 I must watch every calorie,
-So I get `ahead' eating you he-men!"
-%
-A computer called Illiac4
-Had a rather tough bug in its core.
-	It chewed up its cards
-	And spewed yards and yards
-Of illegible tape on the floor.
-%
-A computer, to print out a fact,
-Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
-	But this output can be
-	No more than debris,
-If the input was short of exact.
-		-- Gigo
-%
-A contortionist hailing from Lynch
-Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
-	A foot cost a quid --
-	He could and he did
-Stretch it to three in a pinch.
-%
-A corpulent maiden named Kroll
-Had a notion exceedingly droll:
-	At a masquerade ball,
-	Dressed in nothing at all,
-She backed in as a Parker House roll.
-%
 A couple more shots of whiskey, women 'round here start looking good.
 
 		[something about a 10 being a 4 after a six-pack?  Ed.]
@@ -2690,112 +2274,9 @@ penis."
 	The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've *spoiled*
 that woman."
 %
-A couple was fishing near Clombe
-When the maid began looking quite glum,
-	And said, "Bother the fish!
-	I'd rather coish!"
-Which they did -- which was why they had come.
-%
-A cowhand way out in Seattle
-Had a dooflicker flat as a paddle.
-	He said, "No, I can't fuck
-	A lamb or a duck,
-But golly! it just fits the cattle."
-%
-A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
-And had an affair with a Saracen.
-	She was not oversexed,
-	Or jealous or vexed,
-She just wanted to make a comparison.
-%
-A CS student named Lin
-Had a prick the size of a pin
-	It was no good for girls
-	But just great for squirrels
-Who squealed with delight with it in.
-%
-A cute little twerp from Samoa
-Had a cock of one inch and no moa.
-	It was good for keyholes
-	And debutantes' peeholes
-But not worth a damn on a whoa.
-%
-A daredevil skater named Lowe,
-Leaps barrels arranged in the snow,
-	But is proudest of doing,
-	Some incredible screwing,
-Since he's jumped thirteen girls in a row!
-%
-A deep-throated virgin named Netty
-Was sucking a cock on the jetty.
-	She said, "It tastes nice,
-	Much better than rice,
-Though not quite as good as spaghetti."
-%
 A definition of teaching: casting fake pearls before real swine.
 		-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
 %
-A delighted, incredulous bride
-Remarked to her groom at her side :
-	"I never could quite
-	 Believe till tonight
-Our anatomies would coincide."
-%
-A dentist, young doctor Malone,
-Got a charming girl patient alone,
-	And, in his depravity,
-	Filled the wrong cavity.
-God, how his practice has grown.
-%
-A despairing old landlord named Fyfe,
-With a frigid and quarrelsome wife,
-	Let his third-story front,
-	To a willing young cunt,
-Who supplied him a new lease on life!
-%
-A desperate spinster from Clare
-Once knelt in the moonlight all bare,
-	And prayed to her God
-	For a romp on the sod--
-'Twas a passerby answered her prayer.
-%
-A distinguished professor from Swarthmore
-Got along with a sexy young sophomore.
-	As quick as a glance
-	He stripped off his pants,
-But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.
-%
-A doctoral student from Buckingham
-Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
-	But a dropout from paree
-	Taught him Gamahuchee
-So he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
-%
-A do-it-yourselfer named Alice,
-Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
-	She blew her vagina
-	To South Carolina,
-And her tits landed somewhere in Dallas.
-
-A cute friend of hers, Fanny Hill,
-Used two dynamite sticks for a dil.
-	They found her vagina,
-	In South Carolina,
-And part of her ass in Brazil.
-%
-A dolly in Dallas named Alice,
-Whose overworked sex is all callous,
-	Wore the foreskin away
-	On uncircumcised Ray,
-Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
-%
-A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
-Wished to foster an aura of menace.
-	To make people afraid
-	He wore gloves of grey suede
-And white footgear intended for tennis.
-		-- Edward Gorey, "Amphigorey"
-%
 A drunk was sitting at the end of the bar in a popular singles' place,
 watching a young, good-looking man working his way through the women.  The
 guy didn't appear to be having much luck, and he was only spending a few
@@ -2866,16 +2347,16 @@ with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces.  She invited him to come in and
 speak to the class.  The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with
 a story about a morning patrol where he had been nearly shot down.
 	"We had been up for about 20 minutes flying over enemy held
-territory, when we noticed, just in time, 3 fokkers diving on us from above."
-At the first mention of `fokkers' the class giggled a little bit.
+territory, when we noticed, just in time, 3 Fokkers diving on us from above."
+At the first mention of `Fokkers' the class giggled a little bit.
 	"Our group broke formation, and began the dog-fighting.  As we
-fought, we noticed 2 more fokkers coming at us from above and 2 more
-fokkers, fresh from the landing field, come to join the battle".
-At this second and third mention of `fokkers' the class was almost laughing
+fought, we noticed 2 more Fokkers coming at us from above and 2 more
+Fokkers, fresh from the landing field, come to join the battle".
+At this second and third mention of `Fokkers' the class was almost laughing
 openly, and the teacher interrupted the story to ask the pilot to explain
-to the class that a 'fokker' was a particular type of plane flown by the
+to the class that a 'Fokkers' was a particular type of plane flown by the
 German Air Force.
-	He replied, "Ya, dat is true, but these fokkers were Messerschmidts".
+	He replied, "Ya, dat is true, but these Fokkers were Messerschmidts".
 %
 A group of scientists discovered an apelike creature in the jungle, which
 they hoped would prove to be the missing link.  The proof of their theory,
@@ -2887,13 +2368,6 @@ would be willing to take part in the experiment, with three conditions.
 	"First," he said, "my wife must never know.  Second, any children
 must be baptized.  And, third, I'd have to pay in installments."
 %
-A guest in a household quite charmless
-Was informed its eccentric was harmless:
-	"If you're caught unawares
-	At the head of the stairs,
-Just remember, he's eyeless and armless."
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 A guy comes into a bar with a frog and sets it down next to the prettiest
 girl there.
 	"This is a very special frog," he informs her.  "His name is Charlie."
@@ -2918,36 +2392,10 @@ and repeats this sequence -- several times.  Finally the bartender got so
 curious that he leaned over the bar and asked him what he was doing.
 	Replied the customer, "Avoiding the middleman."
 %
-A habit depraved and unsavory
-Held the bishop of Bingham in slavery
-	Midst screeches and howls
-	He deflowered young owls
-Which he kept in an underground aviary
-%
-A habit obscene and bizarre,
-Has taken a-hold of papa.
-	He brings home young camels
-	And other odd mammals,
-And gives them a go at mama.
-%
-A hacker who screwed a mag tape
-Was caught and convicted of rape.
-	To jail he did go,
-	From which, to his woe
-He couldn't get out with ESC.
-%
-A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk
-Made love to the drive of his disk.
-	The thing circumsized him,
-	Which rather surprised him.
-He wasn't aware of *that* risk.
-%
 A hand in a bird is worth two on 'er bush.
 %
 A hand in the bush is worth two on the bird.
 %
-A hard man is good to find.
-%
 A huge Rambolike fellow walked into a tavern and took a seat in the middle of
 the bar.  After downing a double in one gulp, he glared at the six men to his
 right and said, "You're all no-good motherfuckers.  Anyone have a problem with
@@ -2982,7 +2430,7 @@ worked.  Finally, the butler bursts into the room, summoned by her screams.
 A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.  When
 she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.  The man shouted,
 "What, no wool?  In my country all women have wool down there."
-	The prostitute snapped back,  "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"
+	The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck?"
 %
 A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
 the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska.  He drove for three days
@@ -3112,7 +2560,7 @@ another erection!"
 	"Well, you will, you *will*," reassures the doctor, "but it will, of
 course, have to be someone else's."
 %
-A man is as old as the woman he feels.
+A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
 		-- Groucho Marx
 %
 A man is driving down the road on his way to Salerno.  By the roadside he
@@ -3212,12 +2660,6 @@ big gold colored plate in the middle of your chest, what's that, do all
 Martians have that?"
 	"Well, no," says the Martian.  "Not the *goyim*."
 %
-A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be
-bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
-		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
-%
-A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
-%
 A man never minds being in the doghouse
 as long as he can get his tail outside.
 %
@@ -3254,7 +2696,7 @@ longer and about an inch wider," the doctor says.
 	"Malignant."
 %
 A man was playing golf one day when a little frog hopped out the water at a
-water hazard and croaked,  "I am a magic frog, and since you are the 10,000th
+water hazard and croaked, "I am a magic frog, and since you are the 10,000th
 person to play through here, I'm prepared to offer you one of two magic gifts:
 First, for a whole year you can have the most fabulous sex life that anyone
 ever had; beyond your wildest dreams.  Or, second, for a whole year you can
@@ -3332,11 +2774,6 @@ there's just one little problem."
 %
 A midget had a date with a very tall girl.  It was a quiff-hanger.
 %
-A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good
-many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and
-the police.
-		-- Mr. Dooley
-%
 A mouse was sniffing around in a meadow, when an eagle swooped down,
 swallowed him whole, and rose up in the air again.  The mouse worked
 his way through until his head was sticking out of the bird's asshole.
@@ -3385,9 +2822,6 @@ onlooker explained.  "Would you be willing to help?"
 	"Well, sure," replied the New Yorker.  "I suppose I could spare a
 gallon or two."
 %
-A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
-		-- Phyllis Schlafly
-%
 A Norse god decides to assume human form, come down from Valhalla, and check
 out the local action.  He finds himself in the piano bar of Caesar's Boardwalk
 Regency in Atlantic City, and sits down to sip an Acquavit or two.  After a few
@@ -3436,8 +2870,6 @@ daughter and says, "Well, Cindy, you've heard that word before, haven't
 you?"
 	"Yes," the daughter replies, "but never in anger."
 %
-A nymph hits you and steals your virginity.
-%
 A pair of suburban couples who had known each other for quite some time
 talked it over and decided to do a little conjugal swapping.  The trade
 was made the following evening and the newly arranged couples retired to
@@ -3464,9 +2896,6 @@ the next morning, he asked the octopus,
 	"Play it!" retorted the octopus. "I've been trying to lay it all
 night!"
 %
-A person who has both feet planted firmly
-in the air can be safely called a liberal.
-%
 A policeman is walking his beat when he finds an inebriated man collapsed
 against a building, weeping uncontrollably and holding his car keys in his
 hands.  He's moaning something about how "They took my car!"  Seeing that
@@ -3486,19 +2915,6 @@ A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
 %
 A proctologist is a doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
 %
-A programmer down in Moline
-Said, I'm the match for any machine.
-	My secret's aversion,
-	To loops and recursion,
-Just acres of in-line routine.
-		-- W.J. Wilson
-%
-A progressive professor named Winners
-Held classes each evening for sinners.
-	They were graded and spaced
-	So the vile and debased
-Would not be held back by beginners.
-%
 A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
 over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?"
 	The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
@@ -3509,7 +2925,7 @@ might be made an Archbishop."
 	"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
 	"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
 	"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
-	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I supose that I could
+	Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
 be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
 	"And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
 up from being the Pope?"
@@ -3548,7 +2964,7 @@ you must have told the bitch to go fuck herself!"
 A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary.  From
 his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched,
 sewn, and is currently split down one side.  He asks the proprietor, "How much
-to replace this, Ian?"  The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'l be four
+to replace this, Ian?"  The proprietor says, "Why, Angus, that'll be four
 pence."  Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?"  The prop. looks the
 condom over carefully, and says "Three pence to repair."  The Scotsman ponders
 for a moment, then says, "I'll be back."
@@ -3576,7 +2992,7 @@ As a gift they left a blue ribbon tied into a bow,
 Around the bonny star of the Scot's kilt lifting show.
 
 The Scot awoke to nature's call and stumbled to the trees.
-Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he see's.
+Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
 Then in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes,
 "Och, lad I dinna know whar' ya been, but I see ya won first prize."
 		-- Mike Cross, "The Scotsman"
@@ -3679,12 +3095,6 @@ but business is business."
 %
 A toast to the kisses you've snatched and vice-versa.
 %
-A trapper named Francois Lefebrve
-Once captured and buggered a beabrve.
-	The result of this fuck
-	Was a three titted duck,
-A canoe, and an Irish retriebrve.
-%
 A traveling circus was performing in a small town, around the turn of the
 century, when many of the circus animals were still considered to be very
 rare and exotic.  One night one of the elephants escaped.  It was hungry
@@ -3720,7 +3130,7 @@ A witty writer, K. Kraus in the Vienna "Fackel", has as it were, expressed
 this truth paradoxically in the cynical saying: "Coitus is merely an
 unsatisfactory substitute for onanism!"
 		-- Sigmund Freud, attempting to explain why
-		masturbation is "by no means harmless"
+		   masturbation is "by no means harmless"
 %
 A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
 %
@@ -3766,9 +3176,6 @@ her mother returns they drive off.  The little girl comments:
 	"You *do*?"
 	"Yes," said the daughter. "Because you flunked sex!"
 %
-A woman is like a dresser... some man always goin' through her drawers.
-		-- Blind Lemon Pledge
-%
 A woman is like your shadow; follow her,
 she flies; fly from her, she follows.
 		-- Chamfort
@@ -3798,12 +3205,6 @@ love, without virtue, without sex.
 A woman who is unfaithful deserves to be shot.
 		-- Pancho Villa
 %
-A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
-		-- Gloria Steinem
-%
-A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
-Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.
-%
 A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long
 as he can.
 		-- Moms Mabley
@@ -3866,7 +3267,7 @@ received a telegram from their sister.  It read:
 
 	I liked the couch falling apart when we sat on it.  I was amused
 	when the shower went cold five minutes after it started.  But I'm
-	going to kill whoever put the novicaine into the KY jelly...
+	going to kill whoever put the novacaine into the KY jelly...
 %
 A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.
 %
@@ -3889,13 +3290,7 @@ And Carter was a farter,		By God, he was a dandy,
 Carter the farter would start her!	For conking in the brandy!
 %
 AC/DC is a rock band.
-                -- Bisexuality, 101
-%
-Achilles' Biological Findings:
-	(1)  If a child looks like his father, that's heredity.
-	     If he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
-	(2)  A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first
-	     -- the chicken or the egg.  It was undoubtedly the rooster.
+		-- Bisexuality, 101
 %
 Adam's Law:
 	(1)  Women don't know what they want;
@@ -4002,10 +3397,6 @@ After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
 %
 Ah spring, when a fancy young man lightly turns his lover over.
 %
-AI hackers do it robotically.
-%
-AI hackers do it with robots.
-%
 Al Gore resembled a Vulcan desperately in need of a blow job.
 		-- Bobcat Goldthwait
 %
@@ -4036,9 +3427,6 @@ the popularity of this field of study in computer science.
 alimony, n:
 	Having an ex you can bank on.
 %
-All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ,
-a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm place to shift.
-%
 All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell
 them apart.
 %
@@ -4078,22 +3466,6 @@ He swam down to the bottom, he swam up to the top,
 Lulu got disgusted, and flushed him down the pot.
 		-- Princess
 %
-All things dull and ugly,		Each little snake that poisons,
-All creatures short and squat,		Each little wasp that stings,
-All things rude and nasty,		He made their brutish venom,
-The Lord God made the lot;		He made their horrid wings.
-
-All things sick and cancerous,		Each nasty little hornet,
-All evil great and small,		Each beastly little squid.
-All things foul and dangerous,		Who made the spikey urchin?
-The Lord God made them all.		Who made the sharks? He did.
-
-All things scabbed and ulcerous,
-All pox both great and small.
-Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
-The Lord God made them all.
-		-- Monty Python
-%
 All this big deal about white collar crime -- what's WRONG with white collar
 crime?  Who enjoys his job today?  You?  Me?  Anybody?  The only satisfying
 part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time.  Years ago
@@ -4164,8 +3536,8 @@ ambition, n:
 America ... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesman
 with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing
 anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign
-		Trail"
+		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing:
+		   On the Campaign Trail"
 %
 America cannot be sold a can of beer without
 being offered a piece of pussy along with it.
@@ -4267,8 +3639,6 @@ Saw sartorial changes ahead.
 Soft fruit also filled him with dread.
 		-- J. Walker, "The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock"
 %
-An Army travels on her stomach.
-%
 An encounter with a beautiful woman is good medicine for the well organized
 logical mind -- a little jolt never hurt.  Note that the anarchists have
 been saying this for years about the A-bomb and civilization.
@@ -4280,7 +3650,7 @@ Managing Director (however bizarre an ambition this may seem to anyone
 who has seen the Managing Director face on).
 		-- Katherine Whitehorn, "Roundabout"
 %
-And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve?  The judgement of God
+And do you not think that each of you women is an Eve?  The judgment of God
 upon your sex endures today; and with it invariably endures your position of
 criminal at the bar of justice.
 		-- Tertullian, second-century Christian writer
@@ -4344,9 +3714,9 @@ And she said, with a tear in her eye,
 And then there was the lawyer that stepped in cow manure and thought
 he was melting...
 %
-"And what do you two think you are doing?!" roared the husband, as he came
-upon his wife in bed with another man.  The wife turned and smiled at her
-companion.
+	"And what do you two think you are doing?!" roared the husband,
+as he came upon his wife in bed with another man.  The wife turned and
+smiled at her companion.
 	"See?" she said.  "I told you he was stupid!"
 %
 Another greeting card category consists of those persons who send out
@@ -4391,12 +3761,6 @@ bar.  He slams his fist on the bar and hollers, "I'm so thirsty, I could
 lick the sweat off of a bulls' balls!"
 	From the back of the bar comes the cry...  "Moo, moo, buckaroooooo!!!"
 %
-anxiety, n:
-	The first time you can't do it a second time.
-
-panic, n:
-	The second time you can't do it the first time.
-%
 Any girl who believes that the way to a man's heart is through
 his stomach is obviously setting her standards too high.
 %
@@ -4411,14 +3775,14 @@ Apple owners do it with mice!
 APPOINTMENT BOOK:
 	The reference of last resort when trying to duck undesired
 	invitations ("Gee, the soonest I can pencil you in is
-	December, 2004"), or when trying to figure out what the hell
+	December, 2009"), or when trying to figure out what the hell
 	it was you did during the past year.
 %
 Are there those in the land of the brave
 Who can tell me how I should behave
 	When I am disgraced
 	Because I erased
-	A file I intended to save?
+A file I intended to save?
 %
 ARIES (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19)
 	Be cheerful today. People who don't like you will outnumber those
@@ -4443,7 +3807,7 @@ was possible not to follow through, you'd still be getting screwed.
 %
 As long as your ass is pointed at the ground, don't fuck with me.
 %
-As my dear autie used to say, "Love makes the world go 'round, but sex
+As my dear auntie used to say, "Love makes the world go 'round, but sex
 makes the ride fun."
 %
 As near as I can tell, you're not any crazier
@@ -4578,41 +3942,15 @@ B4 I4Q, RU/18 QT 3.14
 Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect.
 		-- Nicolas Chamfort
 %
-Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was
-popular, there were three people in a stagecoach one day:  a true red-
-blooded born and bred Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from
-back East, and a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.  The city-slicker
-kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll
-give you $10 for a blow job."
-	The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and
-killed the city-slicker on the spot.  The lady gasped and said, "Thank
-you, suh, for defendin' mah honor!"
-	Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, "Your honor, hell!
-No tenderfoot is gonna come 'round here raisin' the price of women in Texas!"
-%
 Balls Law:
 	The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat
 	of the meat provided that the thrusts of the busts are constant.
 %
-BALTIMORE:
-	Where the women wear turtleneck
-	sweaters to hide their flea collars.
-%
-Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
-%
-Be prepared... that's the Boy Scout's solemn creed.
-Be prepared... to be clean in word and deed.
-Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,
-Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
-		-- Tom Lehrer
-%
-BEAT ME, BITE ME, WHIP ME, FUCK ME!!!
-%
 Beat me, bite me, whip me, fuck me, make me write bad checks!
 %
 Beauty, n:
 	The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
+		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
 %
 Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
 %
@@ -4636,30 +3974,18 @@ Bedfellows make strange politicians.
 beef stroganoff, n:
 	A bull masturbating.
 %
-"Before we get married," said the young woman to her fiancee, "I want to
-confess some affairs that I've had in the past."
+	"Before we get married," said the young woman to her fiancee,
+"I want to confess some affairs that I've had in the past."
 	"But you told me all about those a few weeks ago," her young man
 replied.
 	"Yes, darling," she explained, "but that was a few weeks ago."
 %
-Beifeld's Principle:
-	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive
-	young female increases by pyramidical progression when he
-	is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a
-	better-looking and richer male friend.
-		-- R. Beifeld
-%
 Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals.
 To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.
 		-- Fran Lebowitz, "Metropolitan Life"
 %
 Bend over and take it like a man!
 %
-Beneath this stone a virgin lies,
-For her life held no terrors.
-A virgin born, a virgin died:
-No hits, no runs, no errors.
-%
 Beneath this stone lies Murphy,
 They buried him today,
 He lived the life of Riley,
@@ -4675,9 +4001,6 @@ Better a sister in a whorehouse than a brother on a Honda.
 BETTER LATE THAN NEVER:
 	The single girl's motto.
 %
-Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
-		-- Mae West
-%
 Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
 %
 Bi now, gay later!
@@ -4768,7 +4091,7 @@ week was cut short by an ingenious device designed by two computer science
 students.  A three-foot bar of extruded aluminum was precisely machined,
 with a hole milled down the center of precisely the dimensions of one of
 the small Gideon bibles.  The end capped off, a CO2 canister was connected
-to provide up to 2,000 PSIG.  Prelimary estimates during field testing
+to provide up to 2,000 PSIG.  Preliminary estimates during field testing
 revealed a muzzle velocity of approximately 120-150 MPH for bibles exiting
 the tube.  Sufficient ammunition was obtained during a previous visit to
 campus by another religious organization, and the system was first used on
@@ -4781,15 +4104,8 @@ brunette bush, n:
 bug, n:
 	A son of a glitch.
 %
-Build a better mousetrap, the saying goes -- and with the brassiere, Yankee
-Ingenuity did exactly that.  But their true stroke of genius was the new bait.
-The old fashioned mousetrap was loaded with cheese; nobody cares much about
-cheese, except mice.  But when American know-how reloaded the brassiere with
-tits, every heterosexual male in the country was hopelessly trapped.
-		-- Alan Sherman, "The Rape of the A*P*E*"
-%
-"But if it's 80% glucose, then why does it taste salty?"
-		-- Anonymous med school student.
+But if it's 80% glucose, then why does it taste salty?
+		-- Anonymous med school student
 %
 But they'll never mechanize me -- not me!
 Said Charlotte, the Louisville harlot.
@@ -4820,9 +4136,6 @@ Call for Ms. Lingus, Ms. Connie Lingus...
 callgirl, n:
 	A negotiable blond.
 %
-Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
-		-- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
-%
 Camille's Axiom:
 	If you haven't asked yourself, "Why the hell did
 	I go to college anyway?", you must be teaching.
@@ -4846,8 +4159,6 @@ Fortune updates the great quotes: #53.
 	Candy is dandy; but liquor is quicker,
 	and sex won't rot your teeth.
 %
-Captain Hook died of jock itch.
-%
 "Carefully study these two enlarged photographs on display, Mr. Rafferty,"
 the attorney for a politician suing a newspaper for libel instructed his
 client on the witness stand, "and indicate which is your ass and which is
@@ -4855,7 +4166,7 @@ a hole in the ground."
 %
 Catholicism has changed tremendously in the recent years.  Now when
 Communion is served there is also a salad bar.
-		-- Bill Marr
+		-- Bill Maher
 %
 Ce livre est dedie a Chagrin,		This book is dedicated to Chagrin,
 Qui fit un petit mannequin:		Who fashioned a small doll:
@@ -4864,8 +4175,6 @@ Qui fit un petit mannequin:		Who fashioned a small doll:
 En effet, absolument la fin.		In effect, the absolute end.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-Chaste makes waste.
-%
 Chastity:
 	The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
 		-- Aldous Huxley
@@ -4890,23 +4199,6 @@ yeah."
 	He silently finished his drink and left.  The bartender said, "You
 know, even the transvestites in this town have five o'clock shadows."
 %
-Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
-Jack Frost ripping up your nose
-Yuletide carolers being thrown in the fire
-And folks dressed up like buffaloes
-Everybody knows a turkey slaughtered in the snow
-Helps to make the season right
-Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out
-Will find it hard to see tonight
-They know that Santa's on his way
-He's loaded lots of guns and bullets on his sleigh
-And every mother's child is sure to spy
-To see if reindeer really scream when they die
-And so I'm offering this simple phrase
-To kids from one to ninety two
-Although it's been said many times, many ways
-Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Fuck you!!
-%
 Chorus:
 	I don't want to join the army, I don't want to go to war,
 	I'd rather sit around, pickin' dillies off the ground,
@@ -4936,11 +4228,6 @@ committing them?
 		-- Jules Feiffer
 %
 CHRISTIAN:
-	One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired
-	book, admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
-		-- Ambrose Bierce
-%
-CHRISTIAN:
 	One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far
 	as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
 %
@@ -4969,49 +4256,16 @@ Cinderella 10:
 %
 Clark Kent is a transvestite.
 %
-Clarke's Third Law:
-	Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
-	magic.
-
-G's Third Law:
-	In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
-	is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
-
-H's Dictum:
-	There is no magic ...
-%
-Claude believed that only smart attractive people had the right to fuck,
-and it sincerely hurt him when he discovered evidence to the contrary.
-		-- Tom Robbins, "Jitterbug Perfume"
-%
 Cleveland still lives.  God MUST be dead.
 %
 clitoris, n:
 	A haired trigger.
 %
-CLONE OF MY OWN (to Home on the Range)
-
-Oh, give me a clone
-Of my own flesh and bone
-	With the Y chromosome changed to X.
-And when she is grown,
-My very own clone,
-	We'll be of the opposite sex.
-Chorus:
-	Clone, clone of my own,
-	With the Y chromosome changed to X.
-	And when we're alone,
-	Since her mind is my own,
-	She'll be thinking of nothing but sex.
-		-- Randall Garrett
-%
 Close the door, let me give you what you've been waiting for!!
 %
 COCAINE:
 	The thinking man's Dristan.
 %
-Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
-%
 Cocaine isn't habit forming.  I should know -- I've been using it for years.
 		-- Tallulah Bankhead
 %
@@ -5027,8 +4281,6 @@ Coffee without caffeine.  Beer without alcohol.  Milk without fat.
 What's next?  Bridal suites with bunk beds?
 		-- Orben's Current Comedy
 %
-Coito ergo sum
-%
 coitus interruptus, n:
 	A jerky movement following the words (by either sex partner)
 	"I want to have your child."
@@ -5097,17 +4349,11 @@ COMMENT:
 	six months later.  Only the weak-minded need them, according
 	to those who think they aren't.
 %
-Communists do it without class.
-%
 Computer scientists are programmed to do it by macro insertion.
 %
 computerfirm nymphomaniac, n:
 	Hot Apple pie.
 %
-Condoms are like listening to a symphony with cotton in your ears.
-
-	[Taking a shower in raincoat?  Ed.]
-%
 Condoms are the feminists' revenge on men for diaphragms.
 		-- Robin Williams
 %
@@ -5135,8 +4381,8 @@ Confucius say:
 	man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
 	man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet.
 	man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
-	man who lie under car, get tired -- man who stand behind car,
-		get exhausted.
+	man who lie under car, get tired
+	man who stand behind car, get exhausted.
 %
 Confucius say:
 	woman who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
@@ -5209,7 +4455,7 @@ But a real good time ...
 %
 Couples in motion have moments.
 %
-courage, n:
+Courage, n.:
 	Two cannibals having oral sex.
 %
 Cover your stump before you hump.
@@ -5249,7 +4495,7 @@ general understanding of science as an enterprise?
 crew, n:
 	Eight big men and their cute little cox.
 %
-Cried Miss Pratt : "What are you staring at?
+Cried Miss Pratt: "What are you staring at?
 I know - you don't have to say that!
 	All you guys want of me
 	Is a poke where I pee,
@@ -5269,8 +4515,8 @@ Cunnilingus is next to cleanliness.
 %
 Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
 %
-"Dad," the 13-year-old boy asked, looking up from his social-studies text,
-"what did you do during the sexual revolution?"
+	"Dad," the 13-year-old boy asked, looking up from his social-
+studies text, "what did you do during the sexual revolution?"
 	"Well, son," his father confided, "I guess you could say I was
 captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes."
 %
@@ -5293,20 +4539,17 @@ With a clitoris reaching six inches.
 Dames lie about anything -- just for practice.
 		-- Raymond Chandler
 %
-Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?
-FIRST you rape, THEN you pillage!!
-%
 Damned if I know.  And you can be fuckin' sure I'll never rent no car
 from Avis again.
 		-- Herbie Sperling, on the meaning of two pistols and an
-		axe used in three murders being found in the trunk of his
-		rented car.
-
+		   axe used in three murders being found in the trunk of
+		   his rented car.
+%
 If you guys have a beef with her, that's her problem.  Don't lay it on
 me.  The old lady has to take care of her own weight.
 		-- Herbie Sperling, convicted heroin dealer, on being
-		arrested for narcotics possession at his mother's house.
-
+		   arrested for narcotics possession at his mother's house.
+%
 	At his sentencing, Herbie Sperling proved that he was the all-time
 stand-up guy.
 	Sperling's lawyer made a lengthy, impassioned plea for his client.
@@ -5370,7 +4613,7 @@ sells narcotics.
 she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.  I love
 this girl and want to marry her.  My problem is this -- dare I tell her
 about my brother who works for Illinois Bell?
-		-- Confused.
+		-- Confused
 %
 Dear Ann Landers:
 	My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday.  He claims
@@ -5378,14 +4621,6 @@ one minister said there are 350 different sins.  My husband wants to
 know if you can get the list.  He thinks he is missing something.
 		-- E.J. Mayfield
 %
-Dear Lord, observe this bended knee
-This visage meek and humble,
-And hear this confidential plea
-Voiced in reverent mumble:
-	Give me Shylock, give me Fagin
-	But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!
-		-- Ansel Adams
-%
 Dear Miss Manners:
 Please list some tactful ways of removing a man's saliva from your face.
 
@@ -5437,19 +4672,6 @@ Did you hear about...
 Did you hear about...
 	the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
 %
-Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother
-her age?  She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn't
-ask it again.  He then asked her her weight.  She, once again, told him that
-she wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again.  The next
-question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced.  Once again, she told
-him that it was not a question he should ask and to not ask that question
-again.
-	Some time later, she found him looking through her purse.  Sharply
-asking him what he was doing resulted in him beamingly telling her that he
-had found the answers to all of his questions!
-	"Mom", he said, "your driver's license says you're 34 years old, weigh
-125 pounds, and you and Daddy probably divorced 'cause you got an 'F' in sex!"
-%
 Did you hear about the nearsighted fetishist who got off on the wrong foot?
 %
 Did you hear about the new sorority girl doll?
@@ -5467,10 +4689,6 @@ Found the body.
 Did you know that some people your age have sex
 thirty-seven times in a week?  And die immediately after?
 %
-Did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "Grow a Penis"?
-%
-Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?
-%
 Dig it, first they killed those pigs, then they ate dinner in the same
 room with them, then they even shoved a fork in a victim's stomach.  Wild!
 		-- Bernadine Dohrn, on the Manson killings
@@ -5509,16 +4727,9 @@ And stopped the bastard,
 The bitch that bore him is in heat again.
 		-- Bertolt Brecht
 %
-Do something big -- fuck a giant.
-%
-"Do you cheat on your wife?" asked the psychiatrist.
-"Who else?" answered the patient.
-%
 Do you smoke after sex?
 Why, do you know, I've never looked!
 %
-Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
-%
 Documentation is like sex:  when it is good, it is very,
 very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
 		-- Dick Brandon
@@ -5551,25 +4762,16 @@ idea that I'm knocking the American system.
 Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love.
 		-- Woody Allen
 %
-Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
-		-- Bo Diddley
-%
 Don't look now -- your office mate is a pederast!!!
 %
 Don't look now, but your mother is having sex with a horse.
 %
-Dope will get you through times of no money
-better than money will get you through times of no dope!
-		-- Freewheelin' Franklin, "The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers"
-%
 Down by the old model T,
 Where she first showed it to me.
 	It was furry and black,
 	And she called it a crack,
 But it looked like a manhole to me.
 %
-Draft beer, not boys!
-%
 Dry fucking: that's man on top of woman, the action is the same as fucking,
 but you're dressed.  It's great for the girl... you're hitting and rubbing
 exactly the area that you ought to be... I still like that.
@@ -5625,31 +4827,9 @@ Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.
 Eighty percent of married men cheat in America.  The rest cheat in Europe.
 		-- Jackie Mason
 %
-Eleven reasons a cucumber is better than a man:
-	1)  Cucumbers can stay up all night,
-		and you won't have to sleep in the wet spot.
-	2)  Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find themselves.
-	3)  You won't find out later that your cucumber
-		...is married
-		...is on penicillin
-		...likes you -- but loves your brother!
-	4)  A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
-	5)  A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
-	6)  Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a boy".
-	7)  Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
-	8)  A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
-	9)  Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
-	10) Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
-	11) With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
-%
 embarrassment, n:
 	Finding out your German Shepherd has the clap.
 %
-Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant
-professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast
-as a male schlemiel.
-		-- Ewald Nyquist
-%
 Erogenous zone, n:
 	The skin you touch to love.
 %
@@ -5668,8 +4848,6 @@ Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
 	Said, "Girls on the way,
 But what the hell's a `panoe'?"
 %
-Evangelists do it with Him watching.
-%
 Even bytes get lonely for a little bit.
 %
 Evening hours "all clear" for romance!
@@ -5734,7 +4912,7 @@ cats.
 about it.
 	They keep reasonable hours.  You *never* see a cat up before noon.
 	They know how to relax.  Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
-	What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war?  Pretty neglible.
+	What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war?  Pretty negligible.
 It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to
 do with ones time.  Like lie in the sun and sleep.  Or go exploring the world.
 %
@@ -5801,15 +4979,6 @@ Feminism, n:
 %
 Feminists just want the human race to be a tie.
 %
-Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
-women.  They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their
-handbags are full.
-		-- Earl Wilson
-%
-Fie for shame,
-you lascivious, lewd, lecherous,
-libidinous, lustful, licentious, dirty bum!!
-%
 Fig Newton.
 %
 Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
@@ -5858,12 +5027,6 @@ He's so neat, he's so cool,
 Walks across my swimming pool.
 Has anybody...
 %
-Flappity, floppity, flip
-The mouse on the Mobius strip;
-	The strip revolved,
-	The mouse dissolved
-In a chronodimensional skip.
-%
 Flirt, n:
 	A girl whose favorite man is the next one.
 %
@@ -5873,8 +5036,6 @@ A circus performer named Blair,
 	To the end of his cock,
 And shattered a balcony chair.
 %
-Floppy now, hard later.
-%
 Folks, what can I tell you about my next guest.  This cat allowed himself
 to be adored, but not loved. And his success in show business was matched
 by failure in his personal relationship bag, now that's where he really
@@ -5938,9 +5099,6 @@ Is the wonder drug sulfa-denial.
 	Each part of my person,
 Now do something -- there's a good boy!"
 %
-fornication, n:
-	Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.
-%
 FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN:	#15
 
 Sex:
@@ -6062,7 +5220,7 @@ his daughter.  Your next move is to:
 FORTUNE TESTS THE GREAT MANAGERS: #9
 
 You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
-in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchillada casserole and
+in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchilada casserole and
 egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
 Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
 bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.  You:
@@ -6207,10 +5365,6 @@ foot of the bed, he felt a tug at his trouser leg.  Glancing down, he saw
 another female even homelier than the one he'd left in bed.  She gazed up
 at him soulfully, and asked, "Nothing for the bridesmaid?"
 %
-George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but he
-also admitted doing it.  Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
-Because George still had the axe in his hand.
-%
 GEORGIA:
 	Where kinky sex means getting laid.
 %
@@ -6243,9 +5397,6 @@ GET OFF THE FUCKING SYSTEM THIS INSTANT, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!
 Get your bytes from our backend!
 		-- Britton Lee
 %
-Getting an education at the University of California
-is like having $50.00 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.
-%
 Getting Cheryl to shed her apparel
 Is like shooting goldfish in a barrel.
 	But her genital area
@@ -6323,12 +5474,8 @@ and the movie, and the rest of the evening is on her.
 %
 God is a polytheist.
 %
-God is an atheist.
-%
 God is not dead!  He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's.
 %
-God is not dead -- he's been busted.
-%
 God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right here
 on the label.  If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these
 divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you.  No
@@ -6337,23 +5484,8 @@ checks, please.  Cash and in small bills.
 %
 God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
 %
-God isn't dead, He's just trying to avoid the draft.
-%
 God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
 %
-God must love assholes -- She made so many of them.
-%
-God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on
-where to go.
-	"Why not go to Jupiter?" asked St. Peter.
-	"No, too much gravity, too much stomping around," said God.
-	"Well, how about Mercury?"
-	"No, it's too hot there."
-	"Okay," said St. Peter, "What about Earth?"
-	"No," sighed God, "They're such horrible gossips.  When I was
-there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they're
-still talking about it."
-%
 God wants us to know that if we see a bumper sticker saying "Honk if you love
 Jesus" it is a bad idea to honk to express an opinion about Jesus because it
 will annoy the turkey who put the bumper sticker on as well as everyone else
@@ -6410,10 +5542,8 @@ Don't both tie yourselves, even if you can manage it -- you might not be
 able to get loose.
 		-- The Joy of Sex
 %
-Good day for water sports.  Take a bath with a friend.
-%
 Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen!
-Here's a little number I tossed up in the Carribean recently...
+Here's a little number I tossed up in the Caribbean recently...
 
 Isn't it awfully nice to have a Penis,
 isn't it frightfully good to have a Dong.
@@ -6434,7 +5564,7 @@ you can stick it in your sock!
 But, don't take it out in public,
 or they will stick you in the dock,
 and you won't come back.
-                -- The Meaning of Life, Monty Python
+		-- Monty Python, "The Meaning of Life"
 %
 good scout, n:
 	Someone who knows the lay of the land and will take you to her.
@@ -6456,16 +5586,8 @@ Gorbachev threw up the sash and again addressed the sun, "Good evening to
 you, Comrade Sun!".  Once more the great voice boomed out, "Fuck you,
 asshole!  I'm in the West now!"
 %
-Grain grows best in shit.
-		-- U.K. LeGuin
-%
 Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
 %
-Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.
-%
-great lover, n:
-	A man who can breathe through his ears.
-%
 GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY (#21):  July 30, 1917
 
 On this day, New York City hotel detectives burst in and caught then
@@ -6491,16 +5613,8 @@ HACKER:
 %
 Hackers do it bottom-up.
 %
-Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.
-%
-Hackers do it with bugs.
-%
-Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
-%
 Hackers have kernel knowledge.
 %
-Hackers know all the right MOVs.
-%
 Half the posts to this group are about masturbation and the other half
 are about penis size.  And what I want to know is, if all you're doing
 is jerking off, why do you care how big it is?
@@ -6526,14 +5640,6 @@ Hangover, n:
 HAPPINESS:
 	Having your Herpes (Type II) test come back negative.
 %
-Hardly a pure science, history is closer to animal husbandry than it is to
-mathematics, in that it involves selective breeding.  The principal difference
-between the husbandryman and the historian is that the former breeds sheep
-or cows or such, and the latter breeds (assumed) facts.  The husbandryman uses
-his skills to enrich the future; the historian uses his to enrich the past.
-Both are usually up to their ankles in bullshit.
-		-- Tom Robbins
-%
 Harold had never wanted a woman so much in his life, upon overhearing the
 22- year-old beauty remark that he was too old and out of shape for her.  The
 determined septuagenarian immediately embarked upon a rigorous self-improvement
@@ -6623,14 +5729,6 @@ He lights up the proceedings,
 And raises the temperature.
 		-- The Birthday Party, "Sonny's Burning"
 %
-Having discovered the possibility that other creatures could be used
-for sexual intercourse, early man was likely to have made many such
-attempts... though it is doubtful that he was so sexually carnivorous
-as the Christian and Jewish Adam, who, rabbinical interpreters of the
-Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God
-finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve.
-		-- R.E. Masters
-%
 Having lost his potency years before, the octogenarian was desperate to
 satisfy his new 18-year-old wife.  He visited a gypsy woman with magical
 powers.
@@ -6723,12 +5821,6 @@ great!"
 	The man replied, "Man, it ain't nothin'!  You shoulda been here
 a week ago and seen the guy with the chicken!"
 %
-He hated to mend, so young Ned
-Called in a cute neighbor instead.
-	Her husband said, "Vi,
-	When you stitched up his torn fly,
-Did you have to bite off the thread?"
-%
 He played smooch and stinkfinger with Daisy
 Till this virgin was gotch-eyed and hazy.
 	Then his gargantuan pole in
@@ -6748,18 +5840,8 @@ He was the world's only armless sculptor.  He put the chisel in his mouth
 and his wife hit him on the back of the head with a mallet.
 		-- Fred Allen
 %
-He wasn't much of an actor, he wasn't much of a Governor --
-Hell, they HAD to make him President of the United States.
-It's the only job he's qualified for!
-		-- Michael Cain
-%
 He who farts in church must sit in his own pew.
 %
-He who findeth sensuous pleasures in the bodies of lush, hot,
-pink damsels is not righteous, but he can have a lot more fun.
-%
-He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
-%
 He who trains his tongue to quote the learned
 sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass.
 		-- Howard Kandel
@@ -6803,11 +5885,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the careless contortionist who accidentally swallowed his pride?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the cinema buff that's very excited by current trends in films?
-	The hero still gets the girl in the end, but he's never sure
-	which end it will be.
-%
-Hear about...
 	the compulsive gambler who drove to Las Vegas, pulled up to
 	a parking meter, put a dime in -- and lost his car?
 %
@@ -6819,7 +5896,7 @@ Hear about...
 	wrong foot?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the doctor that prescribed sex for insommia?  His patients didn't
+	the doctor that prescribed sex for insomnia?  His patients didn't
 	get any more sleep, but they had more fun staying awake.
 %
 Hear about...
@@ -6839,7 +5916,7 @@ Hear about...
 	fired them?
 %
 Hear about...
-	The fellow who chased his girlfriend up a tree and kissed
+	the fellow who chased his girlfriend up a tree and kissed
 	her between the limbs?
 %
 Hear about...
@@ -6978,7 +6055,7 @@ Hear about...
 	the over-eager bride who came, walking down the aisle?
 %
 Hear about...
-	the perverted australian who left his wife and returned to Sydney?
+	the perverted Australian who left his wife and returned to Sydney?
 %
 Hear about...
 	the poor Greek fisherman who got his upper torso wedged into
@@ -7098,7 +6175,7 @@ Hello, children!!
 	the ******** ******* *** into six or seven pairs.
 %
 Help!  I'm a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body!
-                -- Bisexuality, 101
+		-- Bisexuality, 101
 %
 Help Stamp Out Rape!  (Say Yes.)
 %
@@ -7117,24 +6194,9 @@ Had morals the city might soften.
 	Are you living in sin?"
 Lynn said, "No -- but I visit there often."
 %
-Her kisses left something to be desired: the rest of her.
-%
 Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin',
 Just gave birth to another Texan.
 %
-Here is the problem: for many years, the Supreme Court wrestled with the issue
-of pornography, until finally Associate Justice John Paul Stevens came up with
-the famous quotation about how he couldn't define pornography, but he knew it
-when he saw it.  So for a while, the court's policy was to have all the
-suspected pornography trucked to Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it
-over.  "Nope, this isn't it," he'd say.  "Bring some more."  This went on until
-one morning when his housekeeper found him trapped in the recreation room under
-an enormous mound of rubberized implements, and the court had to issue a ruling
-stating that it didn't know what the hell pornography was except that it was
-illegal and everybody should stop badgering the court about it because the
-court was going to take a nap.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
-%
 Here's a toast to Screwy Dick,
 The man who was born with a corkscrew prick.
 He spent his life in a futile hunt,
@@ -7225,7 +6287,7 @@ His shy bride admitted to Crandall
 That for years she'd worked off with a candle,
 	But a cock like his dick
 	Gave her ten times the kick,
-Though it stained her wee peehole to handle!
+Though it strained her wee peehole to handle!
 %
 Home is where the hurt is.
 		-- Strange de Jim
@@ -7262,14 +6324,9 @@ Jewish, when the sun's real name is Sol?
 %
 How come if you're horny it's lust, but if she's horny it's affection?
 %
-How do you like the new America?  We've cut the fat out of the
-government, and more recently the heart and brain (the backbone was
-gone some time ago).  All we seem to have left now is muscle.
-We'll be lucky to escape with our skins!
-%
 How should they answer?
 		-- Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby) in reply to the question
-		"Why do Jews always answer a question with a question?"
+		   "Why do Jews always answer a question with a question?"
 %
 How soon can you have sexual relations after your wife delivers?
 Well, depends on if she's in a ward or a private room.
@@ -7280,29 +6337,20 @@ HOW TO REMOVE STAINS -- #28
 	be sure to turn the power off if you have to clean between
 	the keys.
 %
-Howard Cosell's biggest protrusion is his asshole.
-		-- John Valby
-%
-Hugh Hefner is a virgin.
-%
 Hunters make the best lovers; they go deeper into the
 bush, shoot more often and *always* eat what they shoot.
 %
-Hypocrisy is the vaseline of social intercourse.
+Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
 %
 hypocrite, n:
 	A man who says he likes cats, but won't eat pussy.
 %
-I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this
-country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.
-		-- Steve Martin
-%
 I bet you think you're pretty cool driving around without auto insurance.
 You're probably saying to yourself, "I'm beating the system."  But what's
 going to happen when you get pulled over and lose your license because
 you're not insured.  What girl's going to ride shotgun on a ten-speed on
 a Saturday Night?  Yeah, you're going to be beating more than the system...
-		-- auto insurance ad, heard on KNAC, Long Beach.
+		-- auto insurance ad, heard on KNAC, Long Beach
 %
 I call Christianity the one great curse, the one enormous and innermost
 perversion, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means are
@@ -7317,8 +6365,6 @@ about Communism.  We can't restrain him when he's angry -- and he has his
 hand on the nuclear button."
 		-- Richard Nixon
 %
-I came; I saw; I fucked up.
-%
 I can feel for her because, although I have never been an Alaskan prostitute
 dancing on the bar in a spangled dress, I still get very bored with washing
 and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after relentless day.
@@ -7370,12 +6416,9 @@ And we're set for a sexy soiree!"
 I don't care who you are, Fatso.  Get those reindeer off my roof.
 %
 I don't discriminate on the basis of sex.
-                -- Bisexuality, 101
+		-- Bisexuality, 101
 
-        [An equal opportunity lover?  Ed.]
-%
-I don't drink water; fish fuck in it.
-		-- W.C. Fields
+		[An equal opportunity lover?  Ed.]
 %
 I don't give a shit what happens.  I want you all to stonewall it.  Let
 them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover up, or anything else if it'll save
@@ -7427,23 +6470,13 @@ Italians -- they're so Jewish.
 %
 I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back...
 boy, were they mad!
-		-- Stephen Wright
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 I had a virgin once.  I had to go to Florida for her.  She was twelve
 years old, blind in one eye, and carried a stuffed alligator labeled
 "Made in Taiwan".
 		-- The Stunt Man
 %
-I have a funny daddy
-Who goes in and out with me
-And everything that baby does
-Daddy's sure to see,
-And everything that baby says,
-My daddy's sure to tell.
-You must have read my daddy's verse.
-I hope he fries in Hell.
-		-- Ogden Nash
-%
 "I have credit with this madam who runs a string of super callgirls,"
 the executive reminisced at his club bar, "but when I got the bill for
 the great head session one of them pleasured me with, I must say that
@@ -7504,13 +6537,9 @@ I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire -- God wouldn't trust
 an Englishman in the dark.
 		-- Duncan Spaeth
 %
-I love this fucking University, and this University loves fucking me.
-%
 I married an Italian girl; the way you marry an Italian girl in my family
 is to bring a New Yorker home first.
 %
-I may not be able to walk, but I drive from a sitting position.
-%
 I met a young man in Chungking
 Who had a very long thing --
 	But you'll guess my surprise
@@ -7533,21 +6562,12 @@ But she didn't -- she laughed and said "Naw!"
 %
 I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.
 %
-I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
-		-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
-%
 I once had the wife of a Dean
 Seven times while the Dean was out skiin'.
 	She remarked with some gaiety,
 	"Not bad for the laiety,
 Though the Bishop once managed thirteen."
 %
-I once met a lassie named Ruth
-In a long distance telephone booth.
-	Now I know the perfection
-	Of an ideal connection
-Even if somewhat uncouth.
-%
 I once was annoyed by a queer
 Who made his intentions quite clear.
 	Said I, "I'm no prude,
@@ -7555,19 +6575,15 @@ Who made his intentions quite clear.
 But I'm already stewed, screwed, and tattooed."
 %
 I only date queers.
-                -- Bisexuality, 101
+		-- Bisexuality, 101
 
-        [I'm not queer, but my boyfriend is!  Ed.]
+		[I'm not queer, but my boyfriend is!  Ed.]
 %
 I played over the music of that scoundrel Brahms.  What a giftless
 bastard!  It annoys me that this self-inflated mediocrity is hailed
 as a genius.  Why, in comparison with him, Riff is a genius.
 		-- Tchaikovsky, October 9, 1886, diary entry
 %
-I regret to say that we are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital
-intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
-		-- J. Edgar Hoover
-%
 I shot a query into the net.
 I haven't got an answer yet,		A posted message called me rotten
 But seven people gave me hell		For ignoring mail I'd never gotten;
@@ -7588,15 +6604,6 @@ I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around
 with his secretary.  If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
 		-- Barry Goldwater
 %
-I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass.
-		-- Senator Barry Goldwater, commenting on Jerry Falwell's
-		   suggestion that all good Christians should be against
-		   Sandra Day O'Connor's nomination to the Supreme Court
-%
-I think pop music has done more for oral intercourse
-than anything else that has ever happened, and vice versa.
-		-- Frank Zappa
-%
 I think the Mormon prophet
 Was a very funny man.
 I wonder how his wives enjoyed
@@ -7605,22 +6612,6 @@ His Prophet Sharing Plan.
 I thought Jackie O. was something you did in the bathroom.
 		-- Strange de Jim
 %
-I walked on toward Ploughwright, thinking about faeces.  What a lot we
-had found out about the prehistoric past from the study of fossilized
-dung of long-vanished animals.  A miraculous thing, really; a recovery
-from the past from what was carelessly rejected.  And in the Middle
-Ages, how concerned people who lived close to the world of nature were
-with the faeces of animals.  And what a variety of names they had for
-them:  the Crotels of a Hare, the Friants of a Boar, the Spraints of
-an Otter, the Werderobe of a Badger, the Waggying of a Fox, the Fumets
-of a Deer.  Surely there might be some words for the material so near
-to the heart of Ozy Froats [an academic studying feces] than shit?
-What about the Problems of a President, the Backward Passes of a
-Footballer, the Deferrals of a Dean, the Odd Volumes of a Librarian,
-the Footnotes of a Ph.D., the Low Grades of a Freshman, the Anxieties
-of an Untenured Professor?
-		-- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels"
-%
 I want a girl that can swallow my pride.
 		-- Frank Zappa, "Jewish Princess"
 %
@@ -7646,8 +6637,8 @@ dam by ourselves!  But do they call me `Dimitri the dam builder?'  Hell, no!"
 that house?  I built that for my wife with my own two hands!  But do they
 call me `Dimitri the home builder'?  No!  But just one little sheep!"
 %
-"I was plodding through the woods when suddenly a giant brown bear
-grabbed me from behind and made me drop my gun.  He picked it up
+	"I was plodding through the woods when suddenly a giant brown
+bear grabbed me from behind and made me drop my gun.  He picked it up
 and stuck it in my back."
 	"What did you do?"
 	"What *could* I do?  I married his daughter."
@@ -7701,10 +6692,6 @@ So why leave her to me, you big dunce?
 %
 I wouldn't fuck her with your prick.
 %
-I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of
-having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
-		-- R. Geis
-%
 I'd like to give the world a hug
 And tell it jokes and stuff
 And pull its pants down to its knees
@@ -7716,10 +6703,9 @@ Then leave it out at Moose Grin Hall
 With our cousin who's deranged ...
 		-- National Lampoon, to an old Coke commercial
 %
-I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now.
 %
-"I'd like to start a new religion.  One that doesn't use a dead young
-man as its logo."
+I'd like to start a new religion.  One that doesn't use a dead young
+man as its logo.
 		-- Bill Cain, "Stand Up Tragedy"
 %
 I'd rather have fingers than toes,
@@ -7755,8 +6741,6 @@ jobs, he wouldn't have given them teeth.
 If God hadn't intended man to eat pussy,
 would He have made it look like a taco?
 %
-If Helen Keller is alone in a forest and falls, does she make a sound?
-%
 If I could reach, I'd never leave the house.
 		-- George Carlin
 %
@@ -7796,20 +6780,8 @@ If Jesus Christ came to this town, people would say, great guy; terrible
 carpenter.
 		-- Gene Kirkwood, on Hollywood
 %
-If just one piece of mail gets lost, well, they'll just think they forgot
-to send it.  But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think
-the other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.  And if *fifty*
-pieces of mail get lost, can you imagine it, if *fifty* pieces of mail get
-lost, why they'll think someone *else* is broken!  And if 1Gb of mail gets
-lost, they'll just *know* that Arpa [ucbarpa.berkeley.edu] is down and
-think it's a conspiracy to keep them from their God given right to receive
-Net Mail ...
- 		-- Casey Leedom
-%
 If life's a piece of shit, Calculus III is the spoon.
 %
-If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
-%
 If men couldn't fuck there'd be a bounty on their heads.
 %
 If only is was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to
@@ -7819,14 +6791,6 @@ masturbate.
 If Presidents don't do it to their wives, they do it to the country.
 		-- Mel Brooks
 %
-If sex is a pain in the ass, you may be doing it wrong.
-%
-If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would
-suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra.  But it is
-only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them
-in 1966, only two went back to women.
-		-- Mort Sahl
-%
 If they can't take a joke, then fuck 'em.
 If they can, then fuck 'em.
 %
@@ -7905,8 +6869,8 @@ Dont la figure n'etait la meilleure,
 	Toujours ouverte la porte,
 Encore, et encore, et encore.
 %
-"I'll tell ya, Jeb," Wilbur said to his friend, "the tractor business ain't
-doin' too well.  I ain't sold one all month.
+	"I'll tell ya, Jeb," Wilbur said to his friend, "the tractor
+business ain't doin' too well.  I ain't sold one all month.
 	"You think you've got problems?" Jeb replied.  "The other day, I went
 out to milk Daisy, when she swatted me in the face with her tail, like she
 always does.  So I took some twine and tied it to the rafters.  When I sat
@@ -7951,20 +6915,6 @@ Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is
 dropped.
 		-- Franklyn Ajaye
 %
-I'm going to Iowa for an award.  Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall,
-it's sold out.  Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French
-government -- I'd give it all up for one erection.
-		-- Groucho Marx
-%
-I'm Jewish.  Count Basie's Jewish.  Ray Charles is Jewish.  Eddie Cantor's
-goyish.  The B'nai Brith is goyish.  The Hadassah is Jewish.  Marine Corps
--- heavy goyish, dangerous.  Kool-Aid is goyish.  All Drake's Cakes are
-goyish.  Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish.
-Instant potatoes -- goyish.  Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are
-very Jewish.  Fruit salad is Jewish.  Lime Jell-O is goyish.  Lime soda is
-very goyish.  Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them.
-		-- Lenny Bruce
-%
 I'm never through with a girl until I've had her three ways.
 		-- J.F. Kennedy
 %
@@ -7974,26 +6924,26 @@ I'm just a'plucking pheasants
 'Til the pheasant plucker comes.
 		-- The Irish Rovers
 %
-"I'm not against women.  Not often enough, anyway."
+I'm not against women.  Not often enough, anyway.
 		-- NPR
 %
 I'm not laughing behind your back; everything funny is in front!
 		-- Rodney Dangerfield's wife
 %
 I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here
-		-- Song title by Stephen Bishop.
+		-- Song title by Stephen Bishop
 
 She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft
-		-- Song title by Jerry Reed.
+		-- Song title by Jerry Reed
 
 When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room Will I Be Too Old to Care?
-		-- Song title by Lewis Grizzard.
+		-- Song title by Lewis Grizzard
 
 I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling
-		-- Unattributed song title.
+		-- Unattributed song title
 
 Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life
-		-- Unattributed song title.
+		-- Unattributed song title
 %
 I'm sorry I'm late folks, I just got out of jail.  I tried to change my
 girlfriend's name.  Yeah, I went down to the hall of records.  I said, "I'd
@@ -8108,26 +7058,6 @@ that "If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time
 ago."
 		-- Dennis Miller, SNL News
 %
-In the beginning was the DEMO Project.  And the Project was without form.
-And darkness was upon the staff members thereof.  So they spake unto
-their Division Head, saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it stinks."
-
-And the Division Head spake unto his Department Head, saying,
-"It is a crock of excrement and none may abide the odor thereof."
-Now, the Department Head spake unto his Directorate Head, saying,
-"It is a container of excrement, and is very strong, such that none
-may abide before it."  And it came to pass that the Directorate Head
-spake unto the Assistant Technical Director, saying, "It is a vessel
-of fertilizer and none may abide by its strength."
-
-And the assistant Technical Director spake thus unto the Technical
-Director, saying, "It containeth that which aids growth and it is
-very strong."  And, Lo, the Technical Director spake then unto the
-Captain, saying, "The powerful new Project will help promote the
-growth of the Laboratories."
-
-And the Captain looked down upon the Project, and He saw that it was Good!
-%
 In the romantic days of Warsaw, Viennese whores were known for their
 beauty and delicacy.  A gallant officer picked up one such lady of the
 evening, who took him to her apartment.  They made delicious love all
@@ -8163,16 +7093,10 @@ kissing on every pitch.  He's kissing her on the strikes, and she's
 kissing him on the balls.
 		-- Harry Caray, a Chicago sportscaster
 %
-Incest, n:
-	Sibling revelry; a sport the whole family can enjoy.
-%
 Infatuation, n:
 	When you're in love, there's a lump in your throat.
 	When you're infatuated, there's a lump in your pants.
 %
-In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
-is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.
-%
 ====================
 Inter-Dwarf Memo
 To: Dwarf-list
@@ -8180,7 +7104,7 @@ From: Doc
 Re: S. White
 
 	If that bitch cleans one more thermometer with Ajax, I'm gonna kill
-her.   I'll give her apples, nice big apples.  With surprises inside. Yeah,
+her.  I'll give her apples, nice big apples.  With surprises inside. Yeah,
 surprises.
 %
 ====================
@@ -8202,9 +7126,6 @@ in second," Palmer replied.
 	"You mean to tell me Shamir beat you?"
 	"No, Your Holiness.  Rabbi Nicklaus did."
 %
-It is a sad commentary on today's society that this fortune has to be
-classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
-%
 It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and
 it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight
 into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.
@@ -8393,9 +7314,9 @@ you," he said to a fourth mouse, "what did you think?"
 	"To tell you the truth," was the reply, "I'm no authority on legs;
 I'm a tit mouse myself."
 %
-It was her wedding night, and the sweet young thing was in a romantic haze.
-"Oh, darling," she sighed, "We're married at last.  It's all like a wonderful
-dream!"
+	It was her wedding night, and the sweet young thing was in a
+romantic haze.  "Oh, darling," she sighed, "We're married at last.
+It's all like a wonderful dream!"
 	Her husband didn't answer.  A few moments passed.  She sighed again
 and said, "I'm afraid I'll awake in a moment and find it isn't true."
 	Still no response from her spouse.  Another pause and another
@@ -8470,7 +7391,7 @@ It's a bitch being butch.
 It's a funny thing that when a woman hasn't got anything
 on earth to worry about, she goes off and gets married.
 %
-It's a question of Napleon brandy versus Ripple.
+It's a question of Napoleon brandy versus Ripple.
 I am mellow and amber and I go down real smooth.
 		-- Rita Moreno, commenting in Newsweek on the sex appeal
 		   of older women versus younger women
@@ -8479,7 +7400,8 @@ I am mellow and amber and I go down real smooth.
 in the wee, small hours.  "Afterward, I feel so compromised, so cheap, so
 soiled... so absolutely wonderful from head to toe!"
 %
-It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
+It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who
+gets tied up.
 		-- Joan Rivers
 %
 It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.
@@ -8553,12 +7475,15 @@ I couldn't ask for more,
 She's deaf and dumb and over-sexed,
 And owns a liquor store.
 %
-I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket.
+I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
 		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
 
+I've got Hubert's pecker in my pocket.
+		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
+%
 Don't see 'em this big out here, do they?
-		-- Lyndon B. Johnson, exposing himself to reporters in a
-		public toilet during a tour of the Far East
+		-- Lyndon B. Johnson, exposing himself to reporters
+		   in a public toilet during a tour of the Far East
 %
 Jack an Jill went up the hill.
 Jill went down,
@@ -8579,15 +7504,9 @@ When he set out to shaft her.		Since Jack led Jill to totter.
 %
 Jack and Jill went up the hill
 Each had a buck and a quarter.
-Jill came down with two and a half --
-And you thought that they went for water.
-%
-Jack and Jill
-Went up the hill,
-Each had a buck and a quarter!
-Jill came down,
-With two and a half,
-You think they went for water?
+Jill came down with two-fifty
+That fuckin' whore.
+		-- Andrew "Dice" Clay
 %
 Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.
 Jack jumped over the candle stick,
@@ -8601,8 +7520,6 @@ So Jack's in the hospital, with a burned up dick!
 %
 Jehovah is an alien and still threatens this planet!
 %
-Jesus died for your sins... make it worth his time.
-%
 Jesus has just stopped the crowd from stoning Mary Magdalene to death
 and is berating the self-pious with the famous speech, "Let the one
 among you who is without sin cast the first stone..."
@@ -8619,18 +7536,12 @@ Jesus Never Fails
 
 (He's never taken the Massachusetts Bar Exam, either.)
 %
-Jesus Saves!
-
-(And Esposito scores on the rebound!)
-%
 Jesus Saves,
 Moses Invests,
 But only Buddha pays Dividends.
 %
-Jesus was killed by a Moral Majority.
-%
 Jews always know two things: suffering and where to find great Chinese food.
-		-- From the movie "My Favorite Year".
+		-- From the movie "My Favorite Year"
 %
 Jimmy Carter, Ted Kennedy, Gary Hart, Joseph Biden and Michael Dukakis were
 on a cruise down the Potomac when the ship struck a rock and began to sink.
@@ -8667,13 +7578,6 @@ crucified in the morning.
 Kansas, where the men are men, the sheep
 are scared and the women are grateful.
 %
-kasha, n:
-	Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats".  There's only one
-	problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"?
-	I know what they are -- they're kasha.  But that doesn't help you
-	much.
-		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
-%
 Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
 	Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex
 	for the students, and parking for the faculty.
@@ -8740,7 +7644,7 @@ into his pants and pull out another morsel of meat, it swooped down, hungrily
 grasping the new mouthful in its bill.  Lorenz howled in pain.  But the event
 left a deep impression on him -- about how faithfully animals respond to
 intention movements, that is.
-		-- The Sciences, May/June, 1988, N.Y. Academy of Science.
+		-- The Sciences, May/June, 1988, N.Y. Academy of Science
 %
 Kotex, n:
 	Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best.
@@ -8767,8 +7671,6 @@ Pro:	"That's going to real tough to treat."
 lagnaf, n:
 	Let's All Get Naked And Fuck!
 %
-Large cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
-%
 "Last night,"  said a lassie named Ruth,
 "In a long-distance telephone booth,
 	I enjoyed the perfection
@@ -8802,11 +7704,11 @@ It could put an end to your political career!
 (chorus)
 		-- Poor Mary Jo, to the tune of "Proud Mary"
 %
-"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky...  In yer country, ya got 14 million black
-people, and 3 million white people.  Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything
-to you?"
-		-- Robin Williams, portraying Lester Maddox talking to Prime
-		   Minister Botha of South Africa.
+Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky...  In yer country, ya got 14 million
+black people, and 3 million white people.  Now, does the name "Custer"
+mean anything to you?
+		-- Robin Williams, portraying Lester Maddox talking to
+		   Prime Minister Botha of South Africa.
 %
 Les salons de la ville de Trieste
 Sont vaseux, suraigus, at funestes;
@@ -8847,9 +7749,6 @@ Life is having a mother-in-law that sucks and a wife that don't.
 Life is like a cucumber -- one moment it's
 in your hand, the next it's up your ass.
 %
-Life is like a penis: when it's soft you
-can't beat it, and when it's hard you get fucked.
-%
 Life is like a shit sandwich.  The more bread
 you have, the less shit you have to eat.
 %
@@ -8879,14 +7778,12 @@ Lisp hackers
 	... do it with tail recursion.
 	... first do it in the front, then do it in the back.
 	... have DEFUN while doing it.
-	... have to be bound to do it.
 	... have Moby dicks.
 %
-Lisp hackers have to be bound (to-do 'it) ...
-%
 Lisp programmers do it deeper and deeper and deeper.
 %
-Little Boy Blew... he needed the money.
+Little Boy Blue -- He needed the money.
+		-- Andrew "Dice" Clay
 %
 LITTLE DEATH: (la petite mort) Some women do indeed pass right out, the
 'little death' of French poetry.  Men occasionally do the same.  The
@@ -8932,7 +7829,8 @@ Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet,
 Eating her curds and whey.
 Along came a spider,
 Who sat down beside her,
-And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?"
+And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"
+		-- Andrew "Dice" Clay
 %
 Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
 Her knickers all tattered and torn.
@@ -9095,10 +7993,6 @@ And every time she let it out,
 The bulldog used to
 Chase it around the garden.
 %
-Mary had a little lamb,
-The lamb turned out to be a ram,
-Now Mary has a little lamb.
-%
 Mary had a little sheep,
 And with the sheep she went to sleep,
 The sheep turned out to be a ram,
@@ -9126,30 +8020,19 @@ masturbation, n:
 %
 Math is to physics like masturbation is to sex.
 %
-Mathematicians
-	... do it in groups.
-	... do it in theory.
-	... take it to the limit.
+Mathematicians do it in groups.
 %
 Mathematicians do it with a small, imaginary part.
 %
-Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is
-described as being n-dimensional.  Like modern sex, any number can play.
-		-- James Blish, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time"
-%
 May a deranged midget on a pogo stick
 take refuge in your sister's hoop skirt.
 %
-May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister.
-%
 May all the boys you fall in love with fall in love with boys themselves.
 %
 May all the girls you fall in love with fall in love with girls themselves.
 %
 May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.
 %
-May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow!
-%
 Maybe if the guy who developed Twinkies hadn't had such a low
 opinion of himself they would have been an inch or two longer!
 %
@@ -9209,13 +8092,6 @@ Afflicted with psychotic warps.
 	Is to bugger a nun,
 And then vomit all over the corpse.
 %
-Megaton Man:	"LOOK at them!  Helpless, tender creatures, relying on
-		ME, waiting for ME to make my move!"
-
-(from below):	"Move your ASS, Fat-head!"
-
-Megaton Man:	"It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"
-%
 Men -- can't live with 'em, can't leave
 'em by the curb when you're done.
 %
@@ -9262,17 +8138,17 @@ Mickey Mouse has a long talk one day with a psychiatrist, after which
 the psychiatrist interviews Minnie Mouse.  A few days later Mickey meets
 with the psychiatrist, and the following conversation ensues:
 
-Sigmund : I talked with Minnie after talking with you.
-Mickey  : Oh?
-Sigmund : I couldn't find anything wrong with her -- she isn't insane.
-Mickey  : Idiot!  I didn't say she was insane -- I said she was
-		fuckin' Goofy.
+Sigmund: I talked with Minnie after talking with you.
+Mickey:  Oh?
+Sigmund: I couldn't find anything wrong with her -- she isn't insane.
+Mickey:  Idiot!  I didn't say she was insane -- I said she was
+	 fuckin' Goofy.
 %
 Miguel Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote.  Milton wrote Paradise Lost, then his
 wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 %
-"Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's
-testicles for a bet...  God, that bloody sheep kicked him!"
+Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's
+testicles for a bet...  God, that bloody sheep kicked him!
 		-- Ripping Yarns
 %
 Missed the train at the railway station
@@ -9280,9 +8156,6 @@ Oh hell, blast, and damnation!
 Asked a lady in there if she had the time,
 She said "Yes", and a strong inclination.
 %
-Missionary position:
-	The missionary on top.
-%
 Mistress Mary, quite contrary,
 How does your garden grow?
 With silver bells and cockle shells,
@@ -9313,9 +8186,6 @@ her, reached out, and squeezed her breast.
 	"Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Morris won't be here
 for breakfast tomorrow."
 %
-Most legislators are so dumb that they couldn't pour piss
-out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.
-%
 Most men would never get laid if it weren't for the pity fuck.
 %
 Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
@@ -9327,10 +8197,6 @@ to be otherwise.
 %
 Most women look for a man who is tall, dark and hung some.
 %
-Motto of the Electrical Engineer:
-	Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis:
-	it stays up as long as you don't fuck with it.
-%
 Moustache rides, 50 cents.
 %
 Mr. Rection, Mr. Hugh G. Rection, please pick up a white courtesy telephone!
@@ -9368,32 +8234,25 @@ Murphy's Discovery:
 	everything will be all right."  And what happens?  Nine
 	months later, you're in trouble!
 %
-Musing on her present and past professions as "dominant/sadomasichism
+Musing on her present and past professions as "dominant/sadomasochism
 fantasy fulfiller" and dental hygienist, Sybil said, "I couldn't really
 understand why I wanted to be a dental hygienist, but years later, after
 being in the SM world a long time, I figured it out:  I'm in uniform,
 they're not.  I'm standing up, they're lying down.  I'm doing painful
-things to them for their own good.   This is so ME."
+things to them for their own good.  This is so ME."
 		-- The Daily Cal, September 29, 1992 In an article titled:
-	           "Kinky sex remains alive and whipping despite threat
+		   "Kinky sex remains alive and whipping despite threat
 		    of AIDS, book reveals"
 %
 My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer
 dahlias.
 		-- William Allen White
 %
-My brother-in-law has found a way to make ends meet.
-He goes around with his head stuck up his ass.
-%
 My daddy's brains was so scrambled he thought he was Jesus.  They put him
 in a nut house for 5 years and when he got out, he didn't think he was
 Jesus, he thought he was *God*! ... Which made me Jesus.
 		-- T. Bywater
 %
-My father was a creole, his father a Negro, and his father a monkey; my
-family, it seems, begins where yours left off.
-		-- Alexandre Dumas
-%
 My girlfriend's favorite erotic position is bending over my credit cards.
 %
 My godda bless, never I see sucha people.
@@ -9403,13 +8262,6 @@ My idea of a wild party is where you throw the girls' panties at the wall
 and they stick.
 		-- Johnny Bob
 %
-My jaw aches, my pussy is sore.
-I simply can't fuck any more;
-	I'm covered with sweat,
-	And you haven't come yet,
-And my God, it's a quarter to four!
-		-- The Gray-haired Woman's Complaint
-%
 My mother didn't breast-feed me.  She said she liked me as a friend.
 		-- Rodney Dangerfield
 %
@@ -9501,25 +8353,17 @@ incest, n:
 necrophilia, n:
 	Dropping in for a cold one.
 %
-Need to buy black lace crotchless panties for sheep?
-Try Fredricks of Ithaca, New York.
-%
 Negotiate my ass, let's kill something!
 %
 Never fly under a seagull - they'll shit on your airplane.
 		-- Gordon Cooper
 %
-"Never send a MAN to do a WOMAN'S work!  Why do you think I CAME here?"
-"Not for the good of my ego, that was for damn sure."
+	"Never send a MAN to do a WOMAN'S work!"
+	"Why do you think I CAME here?"
+	"Not for the good of my ego, that was for damn sure."
 %
 Never try to keep up with the Joneses; they might be newlyweds.
 %
-NEW ADDITION TO THE LIBRARY:
-	"Sally", the department's new inflatable doll, is available on
-a short-term removal basis only -- please sign her out and return her
-promptly to avoid extended waits.  (We are still awaiting shipment of
-our "Big John" doll.)
-%
 New book out from Gary Hart; "Six Inches from the White House".
 %
 New Jersey is not the armpit of the nation;
@@ -9587,9 +8431,6 @@ Non Illegitemus Carborundum.
 Not everyone has a one-track mind.
 		-- From a Bisexuality 101 talk
 %
-Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends.
-		-- Woody Allen
-%
 nothing, adj:
 	A man with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.
 %
@@ -9653,8 +8494,6 @@ Obscene?  Obscene is young men being trained to drop fire on people, but
 their commanders not allowing them to write "fuck" on their airplanes
 because it's obscene.
 %
-Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
-%
 Oden the bardling averred
 His muse was the bum of a bird,
 	And his Lesbian wife
@@ -9700,7 +8539,7 @@ It's no use explain'n, the one remaining,
 It landed by the kitchen door.
 Oh, I'm looking over, my dead dog rover,
 that ain't gonna walk no more...
-		-- Tune is something about a four-leaf clover.
+		-- Tune is something about a four-leaf clover
 %
 Oh John, let's not park here.
 Oh John, let's not park.
@@ -9762,15 +8601,6 @@ Everywhere a chick-chick,
 Old McDonald lost his farm
 'Cause he had too many chicks!
 %
-Old McDonald had a farm,
-E-I-E-I-O
-And on this farm he had some chicks,
-E-I-E-I-O
-With a chickie-poo here, and a chickie-poo there,
-Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a whoop-ti-doo,
-Old McDonald lost his farm,
-'Cause he had too many chicks.
-%
 Old mercenaries never die.  They go to hell and regroup.
 %
 Old Mother Hubbard lived in a shoe,
@@ -9778,20 +8608,20 @@ She had so many children,
 She didn't know what to do.
 So she moved to Atlanta.
 %
-Old Mother Hubbard,
-Went to the cubbard,
-To get her poor doggie a bone.
-
-But when she stooped over,
-Old Rover, he drove her.
-You see, he had a bone of his own.
+Old Mother Hubbard
+Went to the cupboard
+To get her poor dog a bone.
+When she bent over,
+Her Rover took over
+And she got a bone of her own.
+		-- Andrew "Dice" Clay
 %
 Olmstead's Law:
 	After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
 %
 On a cannibal isle near Malaysia
 Lives a lady they call Anastasia.
-	Not russian elite-
+	Not Russian elite-
 	She's eager to eat
 Whatever or whoever lays her.
 %
@@ -9872,12 +8702,6 @@ Once a woman has given you her heart you
 can never get rid of the rest of her.
 		-- Vanbrugh
 %
-Once a young gay from Khartoum,
-Took a lesbian up to his room.
-	They argued all night
-	Over who had the right
-To do what, and with which, and to whom.
-%
 Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD.  I fought like hell
 for them.  But another group came along and exposed the word of my group
 as shallow and degenerate.  They had a better word.  So I quit the first
@@ -9939,21 +8763,6 @@ down."
 	So Little Red Riding Hood whipped out the .357 and said, "Oh, no,
 you're not!  You're going to eat me just like the story says!"
 %
-Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to
-fly south for the winter.  However, soon after the weather turned cold,
-the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
-After a short time, ice began to form his on his wings and he fell to
-earth in a barnyard almost frozen.  A cow passed by and crapped on this
-little bird and the sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure
-warmed him and defrosted his wings.  Warm and happy the little sparrow
-began to sing.  Just then, a large Tom cat came by and hearing the
-chirping investigated the sounds.  As Old Tom cleared away the manure,
-he found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
-There are three morals to this story:
-1)	Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
-2)	Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
-3)	If you are warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
-%
 Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley.  He'd do pushups and
 somersaults and limber up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around
 on their fat asses not doing a thing.  One day, one of them became curious
@@ -10090,17 +8899,17 @@ inquired.
 	Again he asked her how the unusual name had been chosen.
 	"Because he likes to fuck pigs."
 %
-"One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most
-gorgeous blond chinese girl... I sat beside her... I said 'Hi,' and she
-said 'Hi,' and then I said 'Nice day, isn't it,' and she said 'Yeah, I
-guess'... I said 'What do you mean "you guess"?'... she said 'I saw my
-analyst today and he says I have a problem.'... so I asked 'What's the
-problem?'... she replied 'I can't tell you, I don't even know you.'...
-I said 'Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect
-stranger on a bus.'  So she said, 'Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac
-and I only like Jewish cowboys... by the way, my name is Diane.'  I said,
-'Hello, Diane, my name is Bucky Goldstein.'"
-		-- Stephen Wright
+One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most
+gorgeous blond Chinese girl... I sat beside her... I said "Hi," and she
+said "Hi," and then I said "Nice day, isn't it," and she said "Yeah, I
+guess"... I said "What do you mean 'you guess?'"... she said "I saw my
+analyst today and he says I have a problem."... so I asked "What's the
+problem?"... she replied "I can't tell you, I don't even know you."...
+I said "Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect
+stranger on a bus."  So she said, "Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac
+and I only like Jewish cowboys... by the way, my name is Diane."  I said,
+"Hello, Diane, my name is Bucky Goldstein."
+		-- Steven Wright
 %
 One day, in a bar, a young man walks in with a little dwarf about one foot
 tall on his shoulder and orders a beer.  The bartender serves the man a beer;
@@ -10153,21 +8962,9 @@ One morning after an evening of particularly heavy drinking, a man awoke
 and upon rolling over in bed saw one of the ugliest women he had ever
 seen.  As he was about to get out of bed, he looked on the floor and saw
 another woman even less appealing than the first.  Seeing his look of
-wide-eyed amazement, the woman on the floor snapped,  "Don't look at me
+wide-eyed amazement, the woman on the floor snapped, "Don't look at me
 like that, I was only the bridesmaid."
 %
-One night a girl had an affair
-With a fellow all covered with hair.
-	His enormous red whang
-	Gave her a wonderful bang --
-She'd been diddled by Smokey the bear.
-%
-One night a girl had an affair
-With a fellow all covered with hair.
-	Then she picked up his hat
-	And realized that
-She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.
-%
 One of my favorite jokes, a telling commentary on Jewish mothers' capacity
 to lay on guilt, involves the mother who gave her son two neckties on Chanuka.
 	"The boy hurried into his bedroom, ripped off the tie he was wearing,
@@ -10183,16 +8980,12 @@ all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they
 enjoyed their trip.  Responses are still pouring in asking,
 	"What trip?"
 %
-One of the first things schoolchildren in Texas learn is how to
+One of the first things school children in Texas learn is how to
 compose a simple declarative sentence without the word "shit" in it.
 %
 One of the most expensive things in life
 is a girl who is free for the evening.
 %
-One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God create
-goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "somebody has to buy retail."
-		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
-%
 One of the regular foursome was sick, so a new member named George filled in.
 He was good and pleasant company so they asked him to join them again the
 following Sunday.
@@ -10235,10 +9028,6 @@ Ooops.  Gotta run.  My dog wants sex.  Later.
 %
 Operators mount anything!
 %
-Opinions are like assholes -- everyone's got one,
-but nobody wants to look at the other guy's.
-		-- Hal Hickman
-%
 OPTIMIST:
 	A man who makes a motel reservation before a blind date.
 %
@@ -10248,13 +9037,6 @@ ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE:
 oral sex, n:
 	The taste of things to come.
 %
-O'Riordan's Theorem:
-	Brains x Beauty = Constant.
-
-Purmal's Corollary:
-	As the limit of (Brains x Beauty) goes to infinity,
-	availability goes to zero.
-%
 Other people don't give you orgasms; you have them, and they help you
 cash them in.
 %
@@ -10274,34 +9056,12 @@ Yo mosquito, fuck you.
 Our readers ask, "Why don't more WASPs go to orgies?"  Well, it's really
 quite simple.  They don't want to have to write all those thank-you notes.
 %
-Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the
-maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out
-in case of emergency.  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty
-good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know
-for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging
-over from, say, right field, to deal with it.  She's been on the team for
-three seasons now, but the males still don't trust her.  They know, deep in
-their souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
-an infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without
-ever considering whether there were men on base.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
-%
 Our staff proctologist, Dr. Barr,
 Has invented a new kind of car.
 	With a tank full of shit
 	There's no stopping it --
 For short trips, two poots take you far.
 %
-Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
-In all of the directions it can whiz;
-As fast as it can go, that's the speed of light, you know,
-Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
-So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
-How amazingly unlikely is your birth;
-And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,
-'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!
-		-- Monty Python, "The Meaning of Life"
-%
 Over 5,000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel,
 	"Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and load your camels,
 and I will lead you to the promised land."
@@ -10352,7 +9112,7 @@ When her summer turned out quite a bummer!
 %
 Persistence, like perspiration, is 99 percent of the fine art of love.
 %
-philadelphia flying fuck, n:
+Philadelphia flying fuck, n:
 	Okay, see, he hangs from a chin-up bar with his feet on the arms
 	of the rocking chair.  She crouches in the rocking chair pleasuring
 	him orally.
@@ -10364,10 +9124,8 @@ philadelphia flying fuck, n:
 Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
 		-- Karl Marx
 %
-Physicists do it with charm.
-%
 Picking up a man in a bar is like a snowstorm, you never know when
-he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long'll he'll stay.
+he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he'll stay.
 %
 pile driver, n:
 	Local drink; two parts vodka, one part prune juice.
@@ -10396,8 +9154,6 @@ pocket pool, n:
 polish fly, n:
 	You put it in her drink and she begs you to take her bowling.
 %
-Politicians do it to everyone.
-%
 Pompoir:  The most sought-after feminine sexual response of all.
 
 'She must... close and constrict the Yoni until it holds the Lingam as with
@@ -10421,16 +9177,6 @@ Had heard of, but not seen, the male phallus.
 	She started to run,
 And last was seen sprinting through Dallas.
 %
-Posterity will ne'er survey
-A nobler grave than this;
-Here lie the bones of Castlereagh;
-Stop, traveler, and piss.
-		-- Lord Byron, on Lord Castlereagh
-%
-Postulate #1:	Nothing is better than sex.
-Postulate #2:	Masturbation is better than nothing.
-Conclusion:	Masturbation is better than sex.
-%
 Pour guerir un acces de fievre
 Un jeune homme poursuivit un lievre;
 	Il le prit a son trou,
@@ -10478,9 +9224,7 @@ Prior to this year's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, [Cash] went to
 the bathroom.  "I was standing at the urinal, and Keith Richards walked
 in...  He said, 'Look at this, I'm pissing with Johnny Cash. We need a
 picture of this.'  I said, 'No, Keith, we *don't* need a picture of this.'"
-		-- Rolling Stone interview with Johnny Cash.
-%
-Procrastinators do it tomorrow.
+		-- Rolling Stone interview with Johnny Cash
 %
 Programmers do it bit by bit.
 %
@@ -10497,9 +9241,6 @@ Qui virginem ingrediebatur.
 	Audivi progressus:
 Est mihi inquit tubulator.
 %
-Prostitution is the only business where you
-can go into the hole and still come out ahead.
-%
 Psychiatrists say that one out of four people are mentally ill.
 Check three friends.  If they're okay, you're it.
 %
@@ -10592,27 +9333,6 @@ A:	With 2 scoops of dead baby and some rootbeer.
 Q:	How do you pick up a quarter off of Polk Street?
 A:	Kick it over to Van Ness.
 %
-Q:	How do you play Religious Roulette?
-A:	You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck
-	by lightning first.
-%
-Q:	How do you tell if two elephants have been making love in
-	your backyard?
-A:	Your Hefty trashcan liners are missing.
-%
-Q:	How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher,
-	or an airline stewardess?
-A:	A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit."
-	A schoolteacher says: "We're just going to have to do this over
-	and over again until we get it right."
-	An airline stewardess says: "Just place this over your mouth and
-	nose and breathe normally."
-
-... and bank tellers say "Substantial penalty for early withdrawal."
-... and saleswomen say "Thank you, come again soon!"
-... and WASP's say "Do you have that in a bigger size?"
-... and piano teachers say "Keep those fingers arched! TEMPO! TEMPO!"
-%
 Q:	How do you tell that your roommate's gay?
 A:	When his cock tastes like shit.
 %
@@ -10623,11 +9343,9 @@ Q:	How does a mink get babies?
 A:	The same way babies get minks.
 %
 Q:	How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
-
 A:	Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
 	speech, but under the United States constitution they are
 	guaranteed freedom after speech.
-
 		-- being told in Poland, 1987
 %
 Q:	How many Aggies does it take to eat an armadillo?
@@ -10653,17 +9371,6 @@ Q:	How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light
 	bulb, in San Francisco?
 A:	Both of them.
 %
-Q:	How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-A:	Ten.  One to do it, and nine to talk about how gratifying it was
-	without a man.
-%
-Q:	If Tarzan was Jewish, and Jane was a princess,
-	what would Cheetah have been?
-A:	A fur coat.
-%
-Q:	What can you use used tampons for?
-A:	Tea bags for vampires.
-%
 Q:	What did Jesus tell the Aggies?
 A:	Play dumb until the second coming.
 %
@@ -10703,9 +9410,6 @@ A:	Parents.
 Q:	What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at you?
 A:	Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!!
 %
-Q:	What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
-A:	Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
-%
 Q:	What do you get when cross a lawyer with a sorority girl??
 A:	A woman that, when she goes down on you, gets blood.
 %
@@ -10760,9 +9464,6 @@ A:	So you can watch the expression on its little face.
 Q:	What is green and comes in Brownies?
 A:	Boy Scouts.
 %
-Q:	What is Smoorplay?
-A:	What Smurfs do before they smuck!
-%
 Q:	What is the difference between snow-men and snow-women?
 A:	Snowballs!
 %
@@ -10843,7 +9544,7 @@ A:	Not everyone's been in a fast car.
 %
 Q:	What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
 A:	Erotic is when you use a feather.  Kinky is when you use
-	the whole bird...
+	the whole bird.
 %
 Q:	What's the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon
 	and Ronald Reagan?
@@ -10862,9 +9563,9 @@ Q:	What's the last thing that goes through a grasshopper's mind when
 	he hits your windshield?
 A:	His ass.
 
-Q.	What's the second-to-last thing to go through a grasshopper's
+Q:	What's the second-to-last thing to go through a grasshopper's
 	mind when he hits your windshield?
-A.	Oh, SHIT!!
+A:	Oh, SHIT!!
 %
 Q:	What's white and crawls up your leg?
 A:	Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice.
@@ -10875,9 +9576,6 @@ A:	Getting fingered by Captain Hook!
 Q:	Where does Catwoman go for a good time?
 A:	To the batpoles, Robin!
 %
-Q:	Where does virgin wool come from?
-A:	Ugly sheep.
-%
 Q:	Why are babies born with soft spots on their heads?
 A:	So you can pick 'em up five at a time.
 %
@@ -10907,7 +9605,7 @@ Q:	Why do dogs lick their private parts?
 A:	Because they can.
 %
 Q:	Why do ducks have webbed feet?
-A:	To stamp out forest firest.
+A:	To stamp out forest fires.
 
 Q:	Why do elephants have big flat feet?
 A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
@@ -10925,7 +9623,7 @@ Q:	Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
 A:	Because a sheep can hear the sound of a zipper from fifty feet away.
 		-- Iain MacKintosh, Glasgow folksinger
 %
-Q:	Why do WASP's play golf ?
+Q:	Why do WASPs play golf ?
 A:	So they can dress like pimps.
 %
 Q:	Why do women have vaginas?
@@ -10947,11 +9645,9 @@ Q:	Why is it that Mexico isn't sending anyone to the '84 summer games?
 A:	Anyone in Mexico who can run, swim or jump is already in LA.
 %
 Q:	Why is Poland just like the United States?
-
 A:	In the United States you can't buy anything for zlotys and in
 	Poland you can't either, while in the U.S. you can get whatever
 	you want for dollars, just as you can in Poland.
-
 		-- being told in Poland, 1987
 %
 Q:	Why is Sister Pat the way she is?
@@ -10962,42 +9658,37 @@ Q:	Why was Cinderella banished from the Magic Kingdom?
 A:	For sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, "Tell the truth!
 	Tell a lie!  Tell the truth!  Tell a lie!"
 %
-Q:      What's the difference between VMS and PMS?
+Q:	What's the difference between VMS and PMS?
 
-A1:     PMS is only a problem for some people.
-A2:     PMS is only a problem for part of the month.
-A3:     The drugstore has remedies for PMS.
-A4:     People with PMS get sympathy.
-A5:     People with PMS don't wish they were UNIX.
-%
-Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
-A: Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
+A1:	PMS is only a problem for some people.
+A2:	PMS is only a problem for part of the month.
+A3:	The drugstore has remedies for PMS.
+A4:	People with PMS get sympathy.
+A5:	People with PMS don't wish they were UNIX.
 %
-Q: What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?
-A: Age.
+Q:	What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
+A:	Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
 %
-Q: What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
-A: The taste.
+Q:	What's the difference between a hold-up and a stick-up?
+A:	Age.
 %
-Q: What's the difference between "Oooh" and "Aaah"?
-A: About three inches.
+Q:	What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
+A:	The taste.
 %
-Q: Why did the epileptic cross the road?
-A: He couldn't help it.
-
-Q: What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
-A: Throw in the dirty clothes and some laundry detergent.
+Q:	What's the difference between "Oooh" and "Aaah"?
+A:	About three inches.
 %
-Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
-A: 'Cause they can!
+Q:	Why did the epileptic cross the road?
+A:	He couldn't help it.
 
-(Real answer: 'Cause they can't curl their little paws into fists...)
+Q:	What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
+A:	Throw in the dirty clothes and some laundry detergent.
 %
-Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
-A: So they can jump into trees and rape mice.
+Q:	Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
+A:	So they can jump into trees and rape mice.
 
-Q: What is the most fearsome sound in the world to a mouse?
-A: BOING!!  BOING!!  BOING!!
+Q:	What is the most fearsome sound in the world to a mouse?
+A:	BOING!!  BOING!!  BOING!!
 %
 QOTD:
 	"... was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort-of
@@ -11026,19 +9717,16 @@ QOTD:
 	"I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I get girls because of who I am... a rapist.
+	"I get girls because of who I am... a rapist."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I met her [his fiance] over lunch on Thursday.  She had a firm
-	grip.  He's a lucky man.
+	"I met her [his fiance] over lunch on Thursday.  She had a firm
+	grip.  He's a lucky man."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I never met a man I couldn't drink handsome."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I own my own body, but I share.
-%
-QOTD:
 	"I say, and without apology, hang the bitch."
 %
 QOTD:
@@ -11049,8 +9737,8 @@ QOTD:
 	"I was a fifty-four-year-old virgin, but I'm all right now."
 %
 QOTD:
-	I won't say he's unsavory, but for his birthday he bought himself
-	a pair of velcro gloves.
+	"I won't say he's unsavory, but for his birthday he bought himself
+	a pair of velcro gloves."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"I'd crawl a mile over burning desert sand just to kiss the dick of
@@ -11065,50 +9753,44 @@ QOTD:
 	golf with her, but I wouldn't marry her!"
 %
 QOTD:
-	It *was* wonderfully polite of me.  Usually I call the kind of
-	cretinous dipshit that pisses me off a ``fucking asshole.''
+	"It *was* wonderfully polite of me.  Usually I call the kind of
+	cretinous dipshit that pisses me off a 'fucking asshole.'"
 		-- Richard Sexton
 %
 QOTD:
-	"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten
-	who gets tied up."
-%
-QOTD:
 	"Let go of my ears, I know what I'm doing!"
 %
 QOTD:
-	Men come in four sizes -- small, medium, large, and "You're
-	going to put that thing *where*?"
+	"Men come in four sizes -- small, medium, large, and 'You're
+	going to put that thing *where*?'"
 %
 QOTD:
-	My penis is better than corn, because corn doesn't squeal when
-	you stick those little prongs into it.
+	"My penis is better than corn, because corn doesn't squeal when
+	you stick those little prongs into it."
 		-- Mark-Jason Dominus
 %
 QOTD:
-	No, honey, I've never been circumsized; it's simply wear and tear.
+	"No, honey, I've never been circumsized;
+		it's simply wear and tear."
 %
 QOTD:
-	"One day, I'd like to wake up in the morning to find that every gay
-	and lesbian has lavender skin.  On that morning, I will be -- mauve."
+	"One day, I'd like to wake up in the morning to find that every
+	gay and lesbian has lavender skin.  On that morning, I will be
+	-- mauve."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Sex is like everything else.  To get it done right, do it yourself.
+	"Sex is like everything else.  To get it done right, do it yourself."
 %
 QOTD:
-	She began coming, making noises like a small animal in pain.
-	Ouch!  Ow!  My paw!  Ouch!!
+	"She began coming, making noises like a small animal in pain.
+	Ouch!  Ow!  My paw!  Ouch!!"
 %
 QOTD:
 	"She was so tough she rolled her own tampons."
 %
 QOTD:
-	Talk about willing people... over half of them are willing to work
-	and the others are more than willing to watch them.
-%
-QOTD:
-	"The difference between dark and hard is... it stays dark
-	all night."
+	"Talk about willing people... over half of them are willing to work
+	and the others are more than willing to watch them."
 %
 QOTD:
 	"The marines and I have something in common; we're both looking for
@@ -11147,7 +9829,7 @@ quickie, n:
 quickie, n:
 	No sooner spread than done.
 %
-QWERT (kwirt) n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]   1. a unit of weight
+QWERT (kwirt) n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]  1. a unit of weight
 equal to 13 poiuyt  avoirdupois  (or 1.69 kiloliks), commonly used in
 structural engineering  2. [Colloq.] one thirteenth the load that a fully
 grown sligo can carry.  3. [Anat.] a painful  irritation  of  the dermis
@@ -11158,12 +9840,6 @@ symptoms of a qwert.
 Ralph:	Lisa, you have no tits and an awful tight pussy.
 Lisa:	Ralph... get off my back!!
 %
-randel, n:
-	A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an
-	apology for farting at a friend.
-		-- Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure &
-		   Preposterous Words
-%
 Raquel Welch:		36-24-36
 Bo Derek:		35-24-36
 Ann-Margaret:		37-25-36
@@ -11210,28 +9886,6 @@ real class, adj:
 %
 Real fur: the ultimate sadist symbol.
 %
-Reefers and roach clips and papers and rollers
-Cocaine and procaine for twenty year molars
-Reds and peyote to work out your bugs
-These are a few of my favorite drugs.
-
-Uppers and downers and methedrine freakout
-Take some amphetamines, watch your brains leak out
-Acid and mescaline pull out your plugs
-These are a few of my favorite drugs.
-
-Backs that are perfect for carrying monkeys
-Users of heroin, often called junkies
-Methadone helps then to stop being thugs
-Takes them off one of my favorite drugs.
-
-	On a bad trip
-	When the cops come
-	When I lose my head
-	I simply take more of my favorite drugs
-	And then I'm not sad -- I'm dead!
-		-- My Favorite Drugs, sung to "My Favorite Things"
-%
 Reformed, n:
 	A synagogue that closes for the Jewish holidays.
 %
@@ -11246,14 +9900,6 @@ Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
 Remember, when preparing a dish for bedtime,
 champagne is the best tenderizer.
 %
-Remember when you were a kid and the boys didn't like the girls?  Only
-sissies liked girls?  What I'm trying to tell you is that nothing's
-changed.  You think boys grow out of not liking girls, but we don't grow
-out of it.  We just grow horny.  That's the problem.  We mix up liking
-pussy for liking girls.  Believe me, one couldn't have less to do with
-the other.
-		-- Jules Feiffer
-%
 Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was sadly, shaking his head.
 	"What's the matter, buddy?", inquired the bartender.
 	"Well," replied the customer, "while I was in the men's room, I saw
@@ -11298,16 +9944,12 @@ In Ireland, in Lebanon, in Palestine, in Berkeley,
 Patty Hearst... heard the burst... of Roland's Thompson gun, and bought it.
 		-- Warren Zevon, "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner"
 %
-ROMEO:		Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
-MERCUTIO:	No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide
-			as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
-%
-Rosenberg wanted to leave the country.
-"And what is *your* reason?" asks the official at the Passport Office.
-"I am told a pogrom is being prepared.  Against the Jews and the barbers,"
-	replies Rosenberg.
-"Why the barbers?"
-"Everybody asks that question.  That's why I want to leave."
+	Rosenberg wanted to leave the country.  "And what is *your*
+reason?" asks the official at the Passport Office.
+	"I am told a pogrom is being prepared.  Against the Jews and
+the barbers," replies Rosenberg.
+	"Why the barbers?"
+	"Everybody asks that question.  That's why I want to leave."
 %
 Roses on your piano isn't nearly as good as tulips on your organ.
 %
@@ -11327,7 +9969,7 @@ Said a dainty young whore named Ms. Meggs,
 	If you know what I mean,
 And leave me the white of their eggs."
 %
-Said a decadent wench of Bombay :
+Said a decadent wench of Bombay:
 "This has been a most wonderful day.
 	Three cherry tarts,
 	At least twenty farts,
@@ -11340,18 +9982,12 @@ Was attacked by a virile young man:
 And she fractured his wrist with her fan.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-Said a happy young man of Fort Drum :
+Said a happy young man of Fort Drum:
 "What care I for this shortage of gum?
 	My favorite chew
 	Is a condom or two,
 With a goodly amount of fresh come."
 %
-Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
-"My favorite sport is coitus."
-	But a fullback from State,
-	Made her period late,
-And now she has athlete's fetus.
-%
 Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
 When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
 	"You must seize it, and squeeze it,
@@ -11382,30 +10018,12 @@ Said a pornographistic young poet
 	Is wearing quite thin,
 And I'll soon tell those fuckers to stow it."
 %
-Said a swinging young chick named Lyth
-Whose virtue was largely a myth,
-     	"Try as hard as I can,
-	 I can't find a man
-That it's fun to be virtuous with!"
-%
-Said crew girl Angelica Bauer :
+Said crew girl Angelica Bauer:
 "The captain's withdrawn, cold, and sour."
 	Uhura said, "No,
 	At night that's not so--
 He doesn't withdraw for an hour."
 %
-Said Einstein, "I have an equation
-Which to some may seem Rabelaisian:
-	Let V be virginity
-	Approaching infinity;
-Let P be a constant persuasion;
-
-"Let V over P be inverted
-With the square root of Mu inserted
-	N times into V ...
-	The result, Q.E.D.,
-Is a relative!" Einstein asserted.
-%
 Said Francesca, "My lack of volition
 Is leading me straight to perdition;
 	But I haven't the strength
@@ -11413,20 +10031,20 @@ Is leading me straight to perdition;
 Of making an act of contrition."
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-Said President Jobcock one day :
+Said President Jobcock one day:
 "War's better than love, I should say.
 	Instead of a virgin,
 	It's murder I'm urgin'--
 You get lots more blood that-a-way."
 %
-Said sneering Mohammed el-Din :
+Said sneering Mohammed el-Din:
 "Only infidel dogs put it in.
 	Back home in Arabia
 	We nibble the labia
 Till the juice dribbles off of our chin."
 %
 Said the cunt-lapping Bey of Algiers,
-In a cunt halfway up to his ears :
+In a cunt halfway up to his ears:
 	"This nautch is delicious,
 	 And without doubt nutritious.
 She's my best-tasting wife in ten years!"
@@ -11444,7 +10062,7 @@ Said the nun as the bishop withdrew,
 And two inches longer than you."
 %
 Saint Peteer was once heard to boast
-That he'd had all the heavenly host :
+That he'd had all the heavenly host:
 	The Father and Son,
 	And then - just for fun -
 The hole in the Holy Ghost.
@@ -11466,12 +10084,10 @@ San Francisco:
 San Francisco is my kind of city,
 Where the women are strong and the men are pretty.
 %
-Save a forest - eat a beaver!
+Save a forest -- eat a beaver!
 %
 Save a mouse, eat a pussy!
 %
-Save Soviet Jewry -- Win Valuable Prizes!!!!
-%
 Save the whales.  Club a seal instead.
 %
 Says an airlining wanton named Vi:
@@ -11595,8 +10211,8 @@ SEMINARS:
 Sen. Danforth:  "There is nothing on the face of the album which would
 		notify you if the record has pornographic material or
 		material glorifying violence?"
-Tipper Gore:    "No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
-Frank Zappa:    "I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's legs on
+Tipper Gore:	"No, there is nothing that would suggest that to me."
+Frank Zappa:	"I would say that a buzz saw blade between the guy's legs on
 		the album cover is good indication that it's not for little
 		Johnny."
 
@@ -11610,11 +10226,6 @@ The shit has hit the fan.
 Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote.
 		-- Grover Cleveland, 1905
 %
-Sentenced to two years hard labor (for sodomy), Oscar Wilde stood handcuffed
-in driving rain waiting for transport to prison.  "If this is the way Queen
-Victoria treats her prisoners," he remarked, "she doesn't deserve to have
-any."
-%
 Sex and drugs and UNIX.
 %
 Sex and mathematics have one thing in common.
@@ -11636,18 +10247,12 @@ Is mostly by hand.
 %
 Sex is just one damp thing after another.
 %
-Sex is like a bridge game --
-If you have a good hand no partner is needed.
-%
 Sex is low in calories, and *oooh* that aftertaste!
 %
 Sex is nobody's business but the three people involved.
 %
 Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.
 %
-Sex is the poor man's opera.
-		-- G.B. Shaw
-%
 Sex is what women have and men want.
 %
 Sex; it's always best when one partner is at least a little bit desperate.
@@ -11657,7 +10262,7 @@ SEX-CHANGE NUN BECOMES TV WRESTLER!!!
 %
 Shamus: A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the
 temple, and makes sure everything is in working order.  A shamus is at
-the bottom of the pecking order of synagog functionaries, and there's
+the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue functionaries, and there's
 a joke about that:
 
 A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a
@@ -11669,6 +10274,7 @@ The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries,
 	"Oh, Lord, I am nobody!"
 The rabbi turns to the cantor and says,
 	"Look who thinks he's nobody!"
+		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
 %
 Share and enjoy, share and enjoy.
 Journey through life with a plastic boy or girl by your side.
@@ -11694,9 +10300,6 @@ Don't Cut Any More Wood, Baby, 'Cause I'll Be Comin' Home With A Load
 I Loved Her Face, But I Left Her Behind For You
 		-- proposed Country-Western song titles
 %
-She asked me if I loved her still.
-"Yes," I replied.  "I've never had you any other way."
-%
 She begged and she pleaded for more.
 I said, "We've already had four,
 	And I'm sure that you've heard,
@@ -11706,11 +10309,6 @@ That eros spelt backwards is sore."
 She called her parakeet Onan, because he spilled his seed.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
 %
-She hates testicles, thus limiting the men she can admire to Democratic
-candidates for president.
-		-- John Greenway, "The American Tradition",
-		   on feminist Elizabeth Gould Davis
-%
 She made a thing of soft leather,
 And topped off the end with a feather.
 	When she poked it inside her
@@ -11721,7 +10319,7 @@ She never liked zippers, she said,
 Until she opened one in bed.
 %
 She stood there and peeled off her clothes,
-And begged for a bang : goodness knows
+And begged for a bang: goodness knows
 	I am surely impure
 	And I sizzled to scrure,
 But the push had gone out of my hose.
@@ -11814,7 +10412,7 @@ to attach a partner's hands.  Don't pull down the fixture, however -- it
 isn't weightbearing.  See Discipline.
 		-- The Joy of Sex
 %
-Sighed a neat little package named Annie :
+Sighed a neat little package named Annie:
 "I've the tits and the twat and the fanny,
 	Plus the yen, but the men
 	Only call now and then--
@@ -11919,25 +10517,15 @@ Resigned to the situation, she went out into the warm night.  She came
 staggering in early the next morning.
 	"How did you do?" asked the husband.
 	"Here," she said, "I've got four dollars and ten cents."
-	"Four dollars and ten cents," he said .  "Who gave you the ten cents?"
+	"Four dollars and ten cents," he said.  "Who gave you the ten cents?"
 	"Everybody," she said.
 %
-So this is a very confusing situation, and what makes it even worse is, our
-standards keep changing.  Take Playboy magazine.  Back in the 1950s, when
-I started reading it strictly for the articles, Playboy was considered just
-about the raciest thing around, even though all it ever showed was women's
-breasts.  Granted, any given one of these breasts would have provided adequate
-shelter for a family of four, but the overall effect was no more explicit
-than many publications we think nothing of today, such as Sports Illustrated's
-Annual Nipples Poking Through Swimsuits Issue.
-		-- Dave Barry
-%
-So this traveling salesman got an audience with the Pope.
-	"Hey, father," he said, "have you heard the joke about the two
-Polacks who --"
+	So this traveling salesman got an audience with the Pope.
+"Hey, father," he said, "have you heard the joke about the two Polacks
+who --"
 	"My son," the Pope reminded him, "I'm Polish."
-The salesman thought for a moment.
-	"That's okay, Father," he said. "I'll tell it very slowly."
+	The salesman thought for a moment.  "That's okay, Father," he
+said. "I'll tell it very slowly."
 %
 So you fucked up... you trusted us!
 		-- Animal House
@@ -12027,10 +10615,6 @@ Feel so woozy, I don't know why.
 So mass the pixer and kill my fup
 I've all day sober to sunday up.
 %
-Statisticians do it with 95 percent confidence.
-%
-Statisticians probably do it.
-%
 Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!!!
 %
 Stockmayer's Theorem:
@@ -12045,10 +10629,6 @@ stress, n:
 	desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who
 	desperately needs it.
 %
-subpoena, n:
-	From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male organ
-	or penis.  Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."
-%
 Success has many fathers, but failure is a bastard.
 %
 Success is like a fart -- only your own smells nice.
@@ -12071,9 +10651,6 @@ Or when Pharaoh's daughter went into the bulrushes and came out with a
 little prophet?  And it was Moses who led the Children of Israel to the
 Banks of the Jordan!
 %
-Sure eating yoghurt will improve your sex life.  People
-know that if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
-%
 swallow, v:
 	The (blew) bird of birth control.
 %
@@ -12209,7 +10786,7 @@ Fell into the water baptismal;
 For the depth of the font was abysmal.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-The bedsprings next door jounce and creak :
+The bedsprings next door jounce and creak:
 They have kept me awake for a week.
 	Why do newlyweds
 	Select squeaky beds
@@ -12293,9 +10870,6 @@ By the grace of a fortunate vowel.
 %
 The butcher, the baker, the candlestick make her, why can't I?
 %
-The computer is the ultimate polluter:
-Its shit is indistinguishable from the food it produces.
-%
 The country girl who became a city madam
 has obviously gone from rags to rigids.
 %
@@ -12319,9 +10893,6 @@ went down on the Titanic.
 The difference between like and love is the
 same as the difference between a spit and a swallow.
 %
-The difference between this school and a cactus plant
-is that the cactus has the pricks on the outside.
-%
 The difference between women and girls
 is as much as twenty years in some states.
 %
@@ -12340,7 +10911,7 @@ text of the first Jewish-Catholic prayer -- one that begins "Oy vay, Maria".
 The Enterprise crew when off work
 Will fuck like an Ottoman Turk.
 	Uhura the Zulu
-	Is shcked up with Sulu,
+	Is shacked up with Sulu,
 And Spock shares a crew girl with Kirk.
 %
 The Enterprise girls, so one hears,
@@ -12349,10 +10920,6 @@ Have chased Spock for several years.
 	Has spared them great pain,
 For his prick is as sharp as his ears.
 %
-The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost would never throw the Devil
-out of Heaven as long as they still need him as a fourth for bridge.
-		-- New Libertarian Notes, #19
-%
 The fearless old bishop of Brest
 Put his faith in the Lord to the test.
 	He fucked whores in the apse
@@ -12363,7 +10930,7 @@ The first child of a Mrs. Keats-Shelley
 Came to light with its face in its belly;
 	Her second was born
 	With a hump and a horn,
-And her third was as shapeles as jelly.
+And her third was as shapeless as jelly.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
 The first time we slept together she drove a recreational vehicle into
@@ -12543,7 +11110,7 @@ But the mustard will make you come `plus tard'."
 %
 The kings of Peru were the Incas,
 Who were known far and wide as great drincas.
-	They worshipped the sun
+	They worshiped the sun
 	And had lots of fun,
 But the peasants all thought they were stincas.
 %
@@ -12666,7 +11233,7 @@ Was cross-eyed and hydrocephalic.
 He rendered the poor boy biphallic.
 %
 The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on
-their wedding night and reprimanded him severly.
+their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.
 	"I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at
 the dinner table."
 	Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair
@@ -12744,23 +11311,11 @@ Would claim he was nobody's flunky.
 	His proboscis was brown,
 And there hung many strands which were gunky.
 %
-The old archeologist, Throstle,
-Discovered a marvelous fossil.
-	He knew from its bend
-	And the knot on the end,
-T'was the penis of Paul the Apostle.
-%
-The once was a man from Bombay
-Who modeled his cunts out of clay
-	So hot was his prick
-	That he turned them to brick
-And rubbed all his foreskin away.
-%
 The only difference between your current lover and a doorknob is
 that a doorknob warms up when you hold it.
 %
 The only difference between your girlfriend
-and a barracuda is the nailpolish.
+and a barracuda is the nail polish.
 %
 The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist.
 		-- Stendhal
@@ -12797,8 +11352,6 @@ once, thousands upon thousands of data bits flowing from diskette
 to disk in a torrent of torrid transfer, as the helpless legs
 of the 32 strained to remain on the floor.
 %
-The other night I was having sex, but the girl hung up on me.
-%
 The outraged husband discovered his wife in bed with another man.
 	"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded.  "Who is this fellow?"
 	"That seems like a fair question," said the wife, rolling over.
@@ -12881,9 +11434,6 @@ you've been such a great friend of mine, I have a question I need to ask you.
 What is a blow job?"
 	Mother Agatha replied, "Oh, twelve dollars, same as downtown."
 %
-The problem with being best man at a wedding
-is that you never get a chance to prove it.
-%
 The problems with "Medflies" may have hurt Jerry Brown's chances to become a
 Senator.  After all, if they won't allow California fruit out of the state,
 how is Brown going to get to Washington?
@@ -12897,12 +11447,9 @@ length of sheet you have to pull out of your ass.
 The randy old Bey of Algiers
 Who'd confined his cock-poking to queers,
 	Tried a cunt for a change,
-	And remarked : "It felt strange ...
+	And remarked: "It felt strange ...
 Just think what I've missed all these years!"
 %
-The real problem with fucking a sheep is that you have
-to walk around in front every time you want to kiss her.
-%
 The real trouble with women is that they have *all* the pussy.
 %
 The reason big companies have lots and lots of meetings is because
@@ -12928,7 +11475,7 @@ And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
 %
 The REVERSE function works on the opposite SEXPR.
 %
-The rich man uses vaseline,
+The rich man uses Vaseline,
 	The poor man uses lard;
 The worker uses axle grease
 	But gets it twice as hard.
@@ -12945,10 +11492,6 @@ certain his charming words and manner would win her as they had many others.
 The San Francisco police are nothing if not sensitive to the mood of the
 community.  The word is that Dirty Harry has been replaced by Bitchy Gerald.
 %
-The sergeant walked into the shower and caught me giving myself a
-dishonorable discharge.  Without missing a beat, I said...
-	"It's my dick and I can wash it as fast as I want!"
-%
 The sex act is the funniest thing on the face of this earth.
 		-- Diana Rigg
 %
@@ -13112,8 +11655,6 @@ herself for a few moments and then snapped,
 	"I'd rather commit adultery than smoke in public."
 	"So would I," said the girl, "but I only have half an hour for lunch."
 %
-The voters have spoken, the bastards...
-%
 The wages of sin are high -- unless you know someone who does it for nothing.
 %
 The warden of the De Luxington preparatory school for boys was holding a
@@ -13150,19 +11691,12 @@ The woman you buy -- and she is the least expensive -- takes a great
 deal of money.  The woman who gives herself takes all your time.
 		-- Balzac
 %
-The word `spine' is, of course, an anagram of `penis'.  This is true in
-almost fifty percent of the languages of the Galaxy, and many people have
-attempted to explain why.  Usually these explanations get bogged down in
-silly puns about "standing erect".
-%
 The work of Mess Sergeant Potgieter
 Is not merely reading a meter.
 	By orders of Kirk
 	A part of his work
 Is dosing the food with saltpeter.
 %
-The world is an 8000 mile in diameter spherical pile of shit.
-%
 The world is so full of a number of things,
 I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings.
 	I'll tell you a story--
@@ -13175,7 +11709,7 @@ He lived on the cheese that he scraped from his dink.
 	He ate it with glee-
 Was there ever a fellow so happy as he?
 
-This charming old chap had a sister as well :
+This charming old chap had a sister as well:
 She was ugly and gaunt, with a horrible smell.
 	Her cunt was so dirty
 	It stank like a beast,
@@ -13277,8 +11811,6 @@ desks.  #1 returns it to him immediately.  #2 pockets it.  #3 invests
 in the market and returns $1,500 to him in the morning.  Who gets the
 promotion?  The one with the big tits!
 %
-There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.
-%
 There are two trees in the forest.  They are very proud trees.  One day
 they notice a sapling half-way between them.
 	One tree proclaims, "That is a son of beech!"
@@ -13348,7 +11880,7 @@ front page before discarding it?"
 	"But they are on page 21.  You never even unfold the newspaper."
 	"Young man," he replied, "the son-of-a-bitch I'm looking for will
 be on the front page."
-		-- Attributed to FDR.
+		-- Attributed to FDR
 %
 There was a young man hitchhiking along a road one day.  A car stopped and the
 driver opened the door and asked, "What political party are you with?"
@@ -13407,18 +11939,6 @@ toothbrush?"
 There was something about her I liked,
 but I couldn't put my finger on it.
 %
-There were the Scots
-Who kept the Sabbath
-And everything else they could lay their hands on.
-Then there were the Welsh
-Who prayed on their knees and their neighbors.
-Thirdly there were the Irish
-Who never knew what they wanted
-But were willing to fight for it anyway.
-Lastly there were the English
-Who considered themselves a self-made nation
-Thus relieving the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.
-%
 There's a handsome boy who tells me how I've changed his past.  He buys me
 a brandy...  Could it be he's really just after my ass?
 		-- Pete Townshend, "How Many Friends"
@@ -13454,17 +11974,7 @@ Chorus:	With an *ugh!* and a groan, and a kick of the heels,
 There's many a slurp t'wixt the tip and the zip.
 %
 There's more than one way to skin a cat:
-	Way #3  -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
-	Way #27 -- Use an electric sander.
-	Way #32 -- Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.
-	Way #33 -- A bicycle pump.
-%
-There's nothing better than good sex.  But bad sex?
-A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.
-		-- Billy Joel
-%
-There's nothing wrong with America that a good erection wouldn't cure.
-		-- David Mairowitz
+	#33 -- A bicycle pump.
 %
 They ought to make butt-flavored cat food.
 		-- Gallagher
@@ -13491,7 +12001,7 @@ Czech:	Hey, out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and
 Desk Sergeant:	Come again?
 Czech:	Right out there in the street, a Swiss soldier knocked me down and
 	took my Russian watch.
-DS:	You're confused.   Why would there be a Swiss soldier here?  And who
+DS:	You're confused.  Why would there be a Swiss soldier here?  And who
 	would want to own a Russian watch?  It was a Russian soldier who
 	knocked you down and took your Swiss watch, right?
 Czech:	Well, maybe, but you said it, not me.
@@ -13563,12 +12073,6 @@ except in a crowd of joggers.  As he runs along, a woman looks over and says,
 	"Do you always wear a condom?"
 	"Only when it rains, lady.  Only when it rains."
 %
-This here's the wattle
-The emblem of our land
-You can stick it in a bottle
-Or you can hold it in your hand.
-		-- Monty Python
-%
 This hot and dusty cowboy rode in from the mesa, filthy and exhausted.  He
 obviously had had nothing but his horse for company for a couple of weeks
 and was looking forward to a couple of cold beers in the saloon.  Swinging
@@ -13581,20 +12085,6 @@ tail and planting a demure kiss on its asshole.
 	"Wait a minute," said the old guy.  "Whaddaya mean, chapped lips?"
 	"Keeps ya from lickin' 'em," explained the cowboy.
 %
-This is a test of the emergency cunnilingus system.
-If this had been an actual emergency, you would have known it!
-%
-This is National Smokers-Are-Shits Week.
-%
-This limerick is **SO**FILTHY** that it would offend you.
-So I'll put in "di-dah" for the filthy words.
-
-	Di-dah, di-dah, di-dah di-dah,
-	Di-dah di-dah di-dah, di-dah;
-		Di-dah di-dah di-dah?
-		Di-dah di-dah di-dah.
-	Di-dah di-dah, di-dah di-fuck.
-%
 This story concerns a man who, after putting his son to bed each night, would
 stand by his boy's door and listen to his son saying his prayers.  One night,
 the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless Granddad, who won't be
@@ -13623,8 +12113,6 @@ This time it's for love; next time it's $100.00.
 THORNY:
 	A thailor at thea.
 %
-Thou shalt not omit adultery.
-%
 Thought:
 	Girls get minks the same way minks get minks!
 %
@@ -13662,7 +12150,7 @@ Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard.  When it rains,
 however, the laundry always gets wet.  All the laundry, that is, except
 for Laurie's.  Laurie never seems to have her laundry out when it rains.
 	So, one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes
-on the line when one of the women says to Laurie, "Laurie, how come when it
+on the line when one of the women says to Laurie, "Laurie, how come it
 never rains when you have your laundry out?"
 	"Well," replies Laurie, "when I wake up in the morning, I check out
 my husband Paul.  If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's
@@ -13713,8 +12201,6 @@ Before his life is done,
 To write three lines of APL,
 And make the damn things run.
 %
-To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
-%
 To be the kind of girl designed to be kissed between the thighs.
 %
 To win a woman in the first place one must please her, then undress her, and
@@ -13742,9 +12228,6 @@ transvestite, n:
 %
 Tri Delts; everyone else has.
 %
-TRUST:
-	Two cannibals having oral sex.
-%
 trust me:
 	Los Angeles for "Fuck you, your mother, and the horse
 	she rode in on."
@@ -13767,28 +12250,6 @@ T-shirt of the Day:
 T-shirt of the Week:
 	I'm not excited, I'm cold!
 %
-'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod
-Did groove and trip out at the pad:	"Beware the Radcliff girl, my son!
-All whimsy were the slamming chicks,	The looks that mell, the claws that
-And the Radcliffe undergrad.			catch!
-					Beware the Byrn Mawr deb, and shun
-He took his venerable staff in hand:	The uppity Wellesleysnatch!"
-Long time the cool young stuff he
-	sought --			And as in raffish thought he sprawled,
-So rested he among the spree		The Radcliffe girl, no idle flirt,
-And paused to smoke some pot.		Crept past the hippies getting balled
-					And doffed her miniskirt.
-One, two!  One, two!  And through
-	and through			"And hast thou laid the Radcliffe girl?
-The venerable staff went snicker-snack!	Come to my arms, my horny boy!
-He left her bred, sans maidenhead,	O spaced-out day!  Calooh!  Callay!"
-And went galumphing back.		He cackled in his joy.
-
-'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod
-Did groove and trip out at the pad:
-All whimsy were the slamming chicks,
-And the Radcliffe undergrad.
-%
 Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but
 twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.
 		-- Wilde
@@ -14102,13 +12563,10 @@ it is a waste of time, and hazardous, to marry them.  It leaves one open
 to a rival.  Husbands, good or bad, always have rivals.  Lovers, never.
 		-- Helen Lawrenson, "Esquire"
 %
-Vidi, vici, veni.
-(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
-%
 Viennese Oyster: Lady who can cross her feet behind her head, lying on her
 back, of course.  When she has done so, you hold her tightly round each instep
 with your full hand and squeeze, lying on her full-length.  Don't try to put
-an unsupple partner into this position --  it can't be achieved by brute force.
+an unsupple partner into this position -- it can't be achieved by brute force.
 You can get a very similar sensation -- unique rocking pelvic movement -- with
 less expertise if she crosses her ankles on her tummy, knees to shoulders, and
 you lie on her crossed ankles with your full weight.  Why "Viennese" we don't
@@ -14116,9 +12574,6 @@ know.  Tolerable for short periods only but gives tremendous genital pressure
 for both.
 		-- The Joy of Sex
 %
-virgin, n:
-	An ugly third grader.
-%
 Virginity is a bubble on the sea of life,
 which takes but one prick to break.
 		-- Jordan Sand
@@ -14136,15 +12591,11 @@ in unusual sex practices?"
 	"No, he doesn't," replied the woman, "and neither does the little
 queer."
 %
-VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
-%
 W. Lafayette may not be the asshole of the universe...
 	but you sure as hell can see it from there!
 %
 Waldheimers disease is what you have when you can't remember you were a Nazi.
 %
-War is menstruation envy.
-%
 Was it you that did the pushin',
 Left the stains upon the cushion,
 The footprints on the dashboard upside-down?
@@ -14159,7 +12610,7 @@ But since I stuck your daughter,
 I've had trouble passin' water,
 So I guess we're kind of even all around!
 %
-wasp, n:
+WASP, n.:
 	Someone who gets out of the shower to take a piss.
 %
 Watch out for a cold wave this week.  (Or maybe a warm WAC.)
@@ -14182,9 +12633,6 @@ I need someone to protect		But I'm not waiting on a lady
 					I'm just waiting on a friend
 		-- Rolling Stones, "Waiting on a Friend"
 %
-Water?  Never touch the stuff!  Fish fuck in it.
-		-- W.C. Fields
-%
 We ... make the modern error of dignifying the Individual.  We do everything
 we can to butter him up.  We give him a name, assure him that he has certain
 inalienable rights, educate him, let him pass on his name to his brats and
@@ -14220,14 +12668,9 @@ Gorge yourselves from moon till noon	Ever gay, we'll never grow up,
 Sing: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
 		-- Bored of the Rings, "The Hobbits National Anthem"
 %
-We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
-%
 We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
 		-- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
 %
-We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
-		-- James Watt, noted ecologist
-%
 We drove to the hotel and said goodbye.  How hypocritical to go upstairs
 with a man you don't want to fuck, leave the one you do sitting there alone,
 and then, in a state of great excitement, fuck the one you don't want to
@@ -14235,10 +12678,6 @@ fuck while pretending he's the one you do.  That's called fidelity.  That's
 called civilization and its discontents.
 		-- Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying"
 %
-We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free
-his hands for masturbation.
-		-- Lily Tomlin
-%
 We must!  We must!
 We must increase our bust!
 The bigger the better!
@@ -14471,10 +12910,6 @@ Well, see, I was out with this chick last night, and we were in bed, and
 she groaned to me, "Give me nine inches, and make it hurt!"  So, I fucked
 her twice and slapped her.
 %
-Well, see, Joyce, there we were, trapped in the elevator.  Now, I had
-my tennis racquet and the goldfish; she was holding the Crisco.  Surely
-you can imagine how one thing naturally led to another!
-%
 Well, you almost got it right.  The only problem is, you're doing it exactly
 backwards!  Just reverse the motions you described and your partner will
 experience an incredibly intense orgasm.  One trouble with this technique,
@@ -14522,8 +12957,8 @@ but promise to have it up in 15 minutes.  What few people realize is that the
 poor man was in the bathroom all night, masturbating furiously, muttering
 "I just don't understand, it passes all the diagnostics!"
 %
-"We've got things well in hand."
-		-- Master Byte Software, Los Gatos California.
+We've got things well in hand.
+		-- Master Byte Software, Los Gatos California
 %
 We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
 various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night.  According
@@ -14704,9 +13139,6 @@ But sure as the devil, that word with a hiss
 It's only in Shakespeare that characters ____.
 		-- Ogden Nash
 %
-When it all boils down to the essence of truth one must live by
-a dog's rule of life: If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it!
-%
 When Snow White turns on with the dwarfs she probably winds up feeling Dopey.
 %
 When somebody protested at [Pope Alexander VI's] wholesale distribution of
@@ -14726,8 +13158,8 @@ When the naive young lady asked the clerk in Le Sex Shoppe to show her his
 selection of vibrators, he brought out the two most popular ones.
 	"The basic white plastic one here is twenty dollars," the clerk said.
 "The flesh-toned rubber models are thirty."
-	"I'm just not sure," the woman said,  Then she noticed an eye-catching
-item on the back shelf.  "How much is that plaid one over there?
+	"I'm just not sure," the woman said, then she noticed an eye-catching
+item on the back shelf.  "How much is that plaid one over there?"
 	"Uh, well, that's a pretty special one," said the clerk.  "I couldn't
 sell you that one for less than a hundred."
 	"I'll take it."
@@ -14761,7 +13193,7 @@ All you are is a blossoming rose.
 Night is here so I must close.
 With care read the first word of each line.
 You will find a question of mine.
-		-- Yours hopefully, The VAX.
+		-- Yours hopefully, The VAX
 %
 When you're lying on the bed,
 And the thought is in your head,
@@ -14780,9 +13212,10 @@ And now I have an erection all the time.
 Whenever someone tells you to "take it like a man" it usually means
 up your ass.
 %
-"Where'd she get those crow's feet?  You really want to know?"
-"Yeah."
-"From squinting and screaming, "Suck what!?"
+	"Where'd she get those crow's feet?"
+	"You really want to know?"
+	"Yeah."
+	"From squinting and screaming, "Suck what!?"
 %
 Which of the following doesn't belong?
 	a. meat
@@ -14859,15 +13292,9 @@ Why I am an atheist:
 4. We should all strive to be like God.
 5. We should all be atheists.
 %
-Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?
-		-- G. Gordon Liddy
-%
 Why is Mrs. Carter always on top when she and Jimmy make love?
 Because all Jimmy Carter can do is fuck up.
 %
-Why marry a virgin?  If she wasn't good enough for the rest of them
-then she isn't good enough for you.
-%
 Why not, for example, offer a brand-new Mustang convertible to every girl
 who consents to having her Fallopian tubes tied in a Gordian knot?  ... It
 would have the additional benefit of eliminating from the gene pool those
@@ -14944,8 +13371,8 @@ Would you rather have a 5-inch hard or an 8-inch floppy?
 %
 Writers do it between periods.
 %
-"Yeah, I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality and sadism, but then I
-realized I was just flogging a dead horse."
+Yeah, I used to be into necrophilia, bestiality and sadism, but then I
+realized I was just flogging a dead horse.
 %
 Yesterday is a memory,
 	Tomorrow is a vision,
@@ -14959,10 +13386,7 @@ thrice double-damned, no-good son-of-a-bitch.
 %
 You are witty, charming, handsome and above average in length.
 %
-You better believe that marijuana can cause castration.
-Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!
-%
-"You can beat my meat, but you can't lick my sauce!"
+You can beat my meat, but you can't lick my sauce!
 		-- Boss' Ribs, Portland, Oregon
 %
 You can find sympathy, in the dictionary, right near shit and suicide.
@@ -14971,13 +13395,6 @@ You can get used to living at a nudist camp.
 The first three days are the hardest.
 		-- R. Dreiser
 %
-You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose;
-but you can't pick your friend's nose.
-%
-You come out of a woman and you spend the rest
-of your life trying to get back inside.
-		-- Heathcote Williams
-%
 You have been bitchy since Tuesday and you'll probably get fired today.
 %
 You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.  And the Beatles
@@ -14988,7 +13405,11 @@ You know the Norplant thing?  It's a new birth control device for women.
 It's a cartridge, that goes in your arm.  Well, they're coming out with
 a new one for men: it's a brain, that goes in your head.
 %
-You know what burns my ass?  A flame about three feet high.
+Miss Mona:	You know what burns my ass?
+Ed Earl:	What?
+Miss Mona:	A flame about three feet high!
+		-- Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds,
+		   "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"
 %
 You might get caught holding the bag.  Say she's your sister.
 %
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/freebsd-tips b/games/fortune/datfiles/freebsd-tips
index 7b5ad41..e509c1b 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/freebsd-tips
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/freebsd-tips
@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ and they can be combined as "ls -FG".
 %
 If you need to ask a question on the FreeBSD-questions mailing list then
 
-	http://www.freebsd.org/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/articles/\
+	http://www.FreeBSD.org/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/articles/\
 		freebsd-questions/index.html
 
 contains lots of useful advice to help you get the best results.
@@ -93,7 +93,7 @@ also do a lot more advanced searches - type 'man grep' for details.
 %
 You can use the 'fetch' command to retrieve files over ftp or http.
 
-	 fetch http://www.freebsd.org/index.html
+	 fetch http://www.FreeBSD.org/index.html
 
 will download the front page of the FreeBSD web site.
 %
@@ -131,7 +131,7 @@ The default editor in FreeBSD is vi, which is efficient to use when you have
 learned it, but somewhat user-unfriendly.  To use ee (an easier but less
 powerful editor) instead, set the environment variable EDITOR to /usr/bin/ee
 %
-If you accidentally end up inside vi, you can quit it by pressing Escape, colon 
+If you accidentally end up inside vi, you can quit it by pressing Escape, colon
 (:), q (q), bang (!) and pressing return.
 %
 You can use aliases to decrease the amount of typing you need to do to get
@@ -180,7 +180,7 @@ Type 'cdcontrol' then 'help' to learn more.  (You may need to set the CDROM
 environment variable in order to make cdcontrol want to start.)
 %
 If you have a CD-ROM drive in your machine, you can make the CD-ROM that is
-presently inserted available by typing 'mount /cdrom' as root.   The CD-ROM
+presently inserted available by typing 'mount /cdrom' as root.  The CD-ROM
 will be available under /cdrom/.  Remember to do 'umount /cdrom' before
 removing the CD-ROM (it will usually not be possible to remove the CD-ROM
 without doing this.)
@@ -194,7 +194,7 @@ just typing
 	# cd /usr/ports/<category>/<portname>
 	# make install && make clean
 
-as root.   The ports infrastructure will download the software, change it so
+as root.  The ports infrastructure will download the software, change it so
 it works on FreeBSD, compile it, install it, register the installation so it
 will be possible to automatically uninstall it, and clean out the temporary
 working space it used.  You can remove an installed port you decide you do not
@@ -243,7 +243,7 @@ Over quota?  "du -s * | sort -n " will give you a sorted list of your
 directory sizes.
 		-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
 %
-Handy bash(1) prompt:   PS1="\u@\h \w \!$ "
+Handy bash(1) prompt:  PS1="\u@\h \w \!$ "
 		-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
 %
 Ever wonder what those numbers after command names were, as in cat(1)?  It's
@@ -262,7 +262,7 @@ the section of the manual the man page is in.  "man man" will tell you more.
 You can often get answers to your questions about FreeBSD by searching in the
 FreeBSD mailing list archives at
 
-	http://www.freebsd.org/search/search.html
+	http://www.FreeBSD.org/search/search.html
 %
 You can adjust the volume of various parts of the sound system in your
 computer by typing 'mixer <type> <volume>'.  To get a list of what you can
@@ -438,7 +438,7 @@ Need to see which daemons are listening for connection requests? Use
 "sockstat -4l" for IPv4, and "sockstat -l" for IPv4 and IPv6.
 		-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
 %
-Can't remember if you've installed a certain port or not? Try "pkg_info 
+Can't remember if you've installed a certain port or not? Try "pkg_info
 -Ix port_name".
 %
 To erase a line you've written at the command prompt, use "Ctrl-U".
@@ -503,3 +503,4 @@ or
 Want to strip UTF-8 BOM(Byte Order Mark) from given files?
 
 	sed -e '1s/^\xef\xbb\xbf//' < bomfile > newfile
+%
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
index 30d9d27..0c8c4f2 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %% $FreeBSD$
+%
 A bad little girl in Madrid,
 A most reprehensible kid,
 	Told her Tante Louise
@@ -148,13 +149,6 @@ Had a rather tough bug in its core.
 	And spewed yards and yards
 Of illegible tape on the floor.
 %
-A computer, to print out a fact,
-Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
-	But this output can be
-	No more than debris,
-If the input was short of exact.
-		-- Gigo
-%
 A contortionist hailing from Lynch
 Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
 	A foot cost a quid --
@@ -315,13 +309,13 @@ By bleeding all over his face.
 A gay young prince from Morocco
 Made love in a manner rococco.
 	He painted his penis
-	To resemble a venus
+	To resemble a Venus
 And flavored his semen with cocoa.
 %
 A geneticist living in Delft
 Scientifically played with himself,
 	And when he was done
-	He labled it: son,
+	He labeled it: son,
 And filed him away on a shelf.
 %
 A gentleman, otherwise meek,
@@ -420,7 +414,7 @@ He couldn't get out with ESC.
 A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk
 Made love to the drive of his disk.
 	The thing circumsized him,
-	Which rather suprised him.
+	Which rather surprised him.
 He wasn't aware of *that* risk.
 %
 A handsome young rodent named Gratian
@@ -602,12 +596,6 @@ Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em.
 	He would stand them in line,
 With his common-law tool to impale 'em.
 %
-A limerick packs laughs anatomical
-Into space that is quite economical.
-	But the good ones I've seen
-	So seldom are clean,
-And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
-%
 A linguist thought it a farce
 That memory space was so sparse.
 	One day they increased it.
@@ -687,7 +675,7 @@ Got a doctor to alter his dong.
 When he got there he found he was wrong.
 %
 A mathematician named Hall
-Had a hexhedronical ball,
+Had a hexahedronical ball,
 	And the square of its weight
 	Times his pecker's, plus eight,
 Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.
@@ -699,7 +687,7 @@ Has a hexahedronical ball,
 Is his phone number -- give him a call...
 %
 A mathematician named Klein
-Thought the Mobius band was divine.
+Thought the Moebius band was divine.
 	Said he, "If you glue
 	The edges of two,
 You'll get a weird bottle like mine!
@@ -777,12 +765,6 @@ Tied her infantine charge to a kite;
 And watched till it flew out of sight.
 		-- Edward Gorey
 %
-A pansy who lived in Khartoum
-Took a lesbian up to his room.
-	They argued all night
-	Over who had the right
-To do what, with which, and to whom.
-%
 A passionate red-haired girl
 When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
 	And her twat would get wet,
@@ -995,10 +977,10 @@ But I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry
 As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."
 %
 A spunky young schoolboy named Fred
-Used totoss off each night while in bed.
+Used to toss off each night while in bed.
 	Said his mother, "Dear lad,
 	That's exceedingly bad--
-Jump in here with your mamma instead."
+Jump in here with your mama instead."
 %
 A starship commander named Kirk
 Emerged from his cabin berserk.
@@ -1049,7 +1031,7 @@ Called the umpire blind out of malice.
 And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
 %
 A teenage protester named Lil
-Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill
+Cried, "Those Watergate spies make me ill
 	First they bugged our martinis,
 	Our bras and bikinis,
 And now they are bugging the pill."
@@ -1229,7 +1211,7 @@ A young maiden from France was no prude,
 She decided to dive in the nude,
 	But her buddy, behind,
 	Went out of his mind,
-When he noticed where she was tatooed.
+When he noticed where she was tattooed.
 %
 A young man by a girl was desired
 To give her the thrills she required,
@@ -1276,15 +1258,15 @@ Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie.
 To add incest to insult and injury.
 %
 A young polo-player of Berkeley
-Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
+Made love to his sweetheart berserkly.
 	In the midst of each chukker
 	He would break off and fuck her
 Horizontally, laterally and verkeley.
 %
-A young violinist from Rio
-Was seducing a woman named Cleo.
-	As she took down her panties
-	She said, "No andantes;
+There was a young lady from Rio
+Who slept with the Fornier trio.
+	As she dropped her panties
+	She said, "No andantes,
 I want this allegro con brio!"
 %
 A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
@@ -1363,7 +1345,7 @@ An ardent young man named Magruder
 Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda.
 	She thought it quite lewd
 	To be wooed in the nude,
-But magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
+But Magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
 %
 An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
 Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know.
@@ -1447,7 +1429,7 @@ Made a synthetic ass for a friend,
 It was simply a bother -- no end.
 %
 An innocent maiden named Herridge
-Was cruelly tricked ito marriage;
+Was cruelly tricked into marriage;
 	When she later found out
 	What her spouse was about,
 She threw herself under a carriage.
@@ -1775,8 +1757,8 @@ Whose cunt was incredibly huge.
 	As he thunderously came:
 "Mon Dieu!  Apres moi, le deluge!"
 %
-There once was a fag of Khartoom
-Who spent the night in a Lesbians room.
+There once was a fag of Khartoum
+Who spent the night in a Lesbian's room.
 	They argued all night,
 	Over who had the right,
 To do what, and with which, and to whom.
@@ -1785,7 +1767,7 @@ There once was a fairy named Avers
 Who encircled his cock with lifesavers.
 	Though buggers all claimed
 	That their asses were maimed,
-Sixy-niners all cheered the new flavors.
+Sixty-niners all cheered the new flavors.
 %
 There once was a fellow named Bob
 Who in sexual ways was a snob.
@@ -1821,7 +1803,7 @@ There once was a fencer named Fisk,
 Whose speed was incredibly brisk.
 	So fast was his action,
 	The Fitzgerald contraction,
-Foreshortended his foil to a disk.
+Foreshortened his foil to a disk.
 %
 There once was a fiesty young terrier
 Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
@@ -1986,7 +1968,7 @@ Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
 And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"
 %
 There once was a lady named Clair,
-Who posessed a magnificent pair.
+Who possessed a magnificent pair.
 	Or that's what I thought,
 	Till I saw one get caught,
 On a thorn and begin losing air.
@@ -2035,12 +2017,6 @@ Who always ate soup with a fork.
 	Either fish, foul or flesh,
 I otherwise finish too quick."
 %
-There once was a man from Exameter
-Who had a prodigious diameter
-	But it wasn't the size
-	That brought forth the cries
-'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.
-%
 There once was a man from Nantucket
 Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
 	His daughter, named Nan,
@@ -2077,12 +2053,6 @@ Who could put it up to her kidney.
 	Put it up to her neck;
 He had a big one, now didn't he?
 %
-There once was a man named Lodge,
-who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
-	When his date was strapped in,
-	He committed a sin,
-without ever leaving the garage.
-%
 There once was a man named McGruder,
 Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder.
 	But the girl thought it crude,
@@ -2169,8 +2139,8 @@ Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.
 %
 There once was a Scot named McAmeter
 With a tool of prodigious diameter.
-	It was not the size
-	That cause such surprise;
+	But it wasn't the size
+	That caused such surprise;
 'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
 %
 There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
@@ -2292,7 +2262,7 @@ Who'd a really enormous vagina,
 And used it for docking a liner.
 %
 There was a fat man from Rangoon
-Whose prick was much like a ballon.
+Whose prick was much like a balloon.
 	He tried hard to ride her
 	And when finally inside her
 She thought she was pregnant too soon.
@@ -2706,12 +2676,6 @@ Was prodigiously massive and long.
 	Two testes did hang
 That attracted a curious throng.
 %
-There was a young gaucho named Bruno
-Who said, "Screwing is one thing I do know.
-	A woman is fine,
-	And a sheep is divine,
-But a llama is Numero Uno."
-%
 There was a young German named Ringer
 Who was screwing an opera singer.
 	Said he with a grin,
@@ -3075,7 +3039,7 @@ Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
 Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"
 %
 There was a young lad from Siam,
-Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
+Whose sex life was caught in a jam.
 	He loved them real small,
 	'Cause they're funner to ball,
 So he went out and bought him a lamb!
@@ -3180,12 +3144,6 @@ Who amazingly pissed in four streams.
 	And a fly-button found
 Lodged tight in her hole so it seems.
 %
-There was a young lady from Rio
-Who slept with the Fornier trio.
-	As she dropped her panties
-	She said, "No andanties
-I want this allegro con brio."
-%
 There was a young lady from Siam
 Who said to her lover, one Kiam,
 	"You may kiss me of course,
@@ -3300,12 +3258,6 @@ Who said, "I think skating's a bliss"
 	For a wheel off her skate
 .siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM
 %
-There was a young lady named Clair
-Who possessed a magnificent pair;
-	At least so I thought
-	Till I saw one get caught
-On a thorn, and begin losing air.
-%
 There was a young lady named Dot
 Whose cunt was so terribly hot
 	That ten bishops of Rome
@@ -3393,7 +3345,7 @@ But if you got her alone, Oh God!
 %
 There was a young lady named May
 Who strolled in a park by the way,
-	And she met a youg man
+	And she met a young man
 	Who fucked her and ran --
 Now she goes to the park every day.
 %
@@ -3521,7 +3473,7 @@ I much prefer fucking to feeling."
 There was a young lady of fashion
 Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
 	To her lover she said,
-	As  they climbed into bed,
+	As they climbed into bed,
 "Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
 %
 There was a young lady of Fez
@@ -3627,7 +3579,7 @@ As her bridegroom got into the bed,
 You can get up my bottom instead."
 %
 There was a young lady whose cunt
-Could accomodate a small punt.
+Could accommodate a small punt.
 	Her mother said, "Annie,
 	It matches your fanny,
 Which never was that of a runt."
@@ -4206,7 +4158,7 @@ But alas! he was only a eunuch.
 %
 There was a young sportsman named Peel
 Who went for a trip on his wheel;
-	He pedalled for days
+	He pedaled for days
 	Through crepuscular haze,
 And returned feeling somewhat unreal.
 		-- Edward Gorey
@@ -4335,7 +4287,7 @@ Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
 And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.
 %
 There was an old curate of Hestion
-Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion.
+Who'd erect at the slightest suggestion.
 	But so small was his tool
 	He could scarce screw a spool,
 And a cunt was quite out of the question.
@@ -4522,7 +4474,7 @@ Who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
 And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.
 %
 There was an old whore from Silesia
-Who'd croke: "If my box doesn't please ya,
+Who'd croak: "If my box doesn't please ya,
 	For a slight extra sum
 	You can go up my bum
 But watchout or my tapeworm'll seize ya."
@@ -4737,7 +4689,7 @@ Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
 Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
 %
 Two eager young men from Cawnpore
-Once buggared and fucked the same whore.
+Once buggered and fucked the same whore.
 	But her partition split
 	And the blood and the shit
 Rolled out in a mess on the floor.
@@ -4785,7 +4737,7 @@ Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
 She replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!"
 %
 When you fuck little Annie in Anza
-You get a great bossom bonanza:
+You get a great bosom bonanza:
 	Sucking Annie's soft tits
 	Makes her throw fifty fits,
 And the fuck is a sextravaganza!
@@ -4821,7 +4773,7 @@ His model reclined on a ladder.
 	Suggested coition,
 So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.
 %
-While travelling in farthest Tibet,
+While traveling in farthest Tibet,
 Lord Irongate found cause to regret
 	The buttered-up tea,
 	A pain in his knee,
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
index f312093..be7ce68 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %%$FreeBSD$
+%
 When things are going well, someone will inevitably
 experiment detrimentally.
 %
@@ -73,10 +74,6 @@ the worse it gets.
 Cop-out number 1.
 You should have seen it when I got it.
 %
-When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is
-difficult to keep your mind on the fact that your primary
-objective was to drain the swamp.
-%
 The road to hell is paved with good intentions
 and littered with sloppy analyses!
 %
@@ -122,8 +119,6 @@ It can always be used as a bad example.
 Despite the sign that says "wet paint",
 please don't.
 %
-Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
-%
 People don't change; they only become more so.
 %
 I finally got it all together...
@@ -138,9 +133,6 @@ The big guys always win.
 %
 Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
 %
-Any sufficiently advanced technology is
-indistinguishable from magic.
-%
 It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
 %
 It is better to be part of the idle rich class
@@ -167,7 +159,7 @@ If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.
 %
 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
 %
-Any given program cost more and take longer.
+Any given program costs more and takes longer.
 %
 If a program is useful, it will be changed.
 %
@@ -184,8 +176,8 @@ Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
 of the programmer who must maintain it.
 %
 Make it possible for programmers to write programs
-in english and you will find that programmers cannot
-write in english.
+in English and you will find that programmers cannot
+write in English.
 %
 When more and more people are thrown out of work,
 unemployment results.
@@ -213,8 +205,6 @@ Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
 %
 Those with the best advice offer no advice.
 %
-Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
-%
 Democracy is that form of government where
 everybody gets what the majority deserves.
 %
@@ -241,7 +231,7 @@ Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages
 of Cobol when they don't know any other language.
 %
 Definition of an elephant:
-A mouse built to goverment specifications.
+A mouse built to government specifications.
 %
 Real programmers are kind to rookies.
 %
@@ -314,7 +304,7 @@ Real programmers don't write memos.
 Real programmers know what saad means.
 %
 Real programmers do not utter profanities at an elevated
-decible level.
+decibel level.
 %
 Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
 %
@@ -337,9 +327,6 @@ Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!!
 All good things must come to an end.
 I want to know when they start!
 %
-A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
-in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
-%
 Blessed are those who go around in circles,
 for they shall be known as wheels.
 %
@@ -388,7 +375,7 @@ the narrower the seats.
 %
 If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
 %
-If on an actuarial basis there is a 50 50 chance that
+If on an actuarial basis there is a 50/50 chance that
 something will go wrong,
 It will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
 %
@@ -417,7 +404,7 @@ you shouldn't have asked the question.
 Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
 %
 You can't expect to hit the jackpot
-if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.
+if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.
 %
 Unless you intend to kill him immediately; never kick a man
 in the balls, not even symbolically or perhaps especially
@@ -435,10 +422,6 @@ If you know, you can't say.
 The meek shall inherit the earth,
 but not its mineral rights.
 %
-1) You can't win
-2) You can't break even
-3) You can't even quit the game
-%
 When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.
 %
 Common sense is not so common.
@@ -502,7 +485,7 @@ is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
 The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
 %
 Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary
-drivel off the tv screen.
+drivel off the TV screen.
 %
 Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest
 number must happen.
@@ -524,7 +507,7 @@ Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
 A president of a democracy is a man who is always ready,
 willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
 %
-If a thing is done wrong ofter enough
+If a thing is done wrong often enough
 it becomes right.
 %
 People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
@@ -557,10 +540,6 @@ who knew that it would.
 %
 The other line always moves faster.
 %
-Never eat at a place called moms, never play cards with a
-man named doc, and never lie down with a woman who has
-got more troubles than you.
-%
 To get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
 %
 When all else fails, read the instructions.
@@ -568,7 +547,7 @@ When all else fails, read the instructions.
 Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than
 you thought.
 %
-"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and
+"Close" only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and
 thermonuclear devices.
 %
 The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
@@ -625,10 +604,6 @@ somebody moves the ends!
 Just because you are paranoid
 doesn't mean "they" aren't out to get you.
 %
-An Irishman is not drunk as long as
-he can hang onto a single blade of grass
-and not fall off the face of the earth.
-%
 If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong
 equipment.
 %
@@ -638,9 +613,6 @@ some prefer to just gargle.
 Everything is revealed to he who turns over enough stones.
 (Including the snakes that he did not want to find.)
 %
-Everybody should believe in something;
-I believe I'll have another drink.
-%
 Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
 %
 Build a system that even a fool can use,
@@ -658,10 +630,7 @@ You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash
 when the garbage truck is two doors away.
 %
 Misery no longer loves company
-nowdays it insists on it.
-%
-The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the
-strong, but that's the way to bet.
+nowadays it insists on it.
 %
 Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
 %
@@ -681,20 +650,15 @@ fattening.
 %
 Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
 %
-It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
-%
 A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
 %
 The ratio of time involved in work to time available for
 work is usually about 0.6
 %
-Remember the golden rule:
-Those that have the gold make the rules.
-%
 Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and
 knows it for he shall enjoy living.
 %
-Everything east of the San Andreas fault will evenutally
+Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually
 plunge into the Atlantic ocean.
 %
 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
@@ -728,8 +692,6 @@ Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
 %
 A bird in the hand is dead.
 %
-A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
-%
 Never put all your eggs in your pocket.
 %
 If everything seems to be going well,
@@ -860,7 +822,7 @@ is to buy a replacement.
 Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always
 point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
 %
-Make three correct guesses consectively and you will
+Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will
 establish yourself as an expert.
 %
 It works better if you plug it in.
@@ -934,10 +896,6 @@ Them what gets--has.
 If you are already in a hole, there's no use to continue
 digging.
 %
-If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
-programs, then the first woddpecker that came along would
-destroy civilization.
-%
 People will believe anything if you whisper it.
 %
 A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick
@@ -962,7 +920,7 @@ If anything can go wrong, it will.
 %
 If anything can't go wrong it will.
 %
-If muprhy's law can go wrong, it will.
+If Murphy's law can go wrong, it will.
 %
 If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in
 the worst possible sequence.
@@ -1012,7 +970,7 @@ You can always find what you're not looking for.
 If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
 %
 It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly
-suprised.
+surprised.
 %
 A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the
 whole thing".
@@ -1029,9 +987,6 @@ An optimist believes we live in the best of all
 possible worlds.
 A pessimist fears this is true.
 %
-You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
-damnfoolproof.
-%
 It takes longer to glue a vase together than to
 break one.
 %
@@ -1041,8 +996,6 @@ to gain 'x' number of pounds.
 The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in
 will be taken by the person in front of you.
 %
-The other line moves faster.
-%
 If you change lines, the one you just left will start
 to move faster than the one you are now in.
 %
@@ -1099,12 +1052,8 @@ frame is exposed.
 The best shots are generally attempted through the
 lens cap.
 %
-Any surviving best shots are ruined when someone
-inadvertently open the darkroom door and all of the
-dark leaks out.
-%
-If a three-story buiding served by one elevator, nine
-times out of ten the elevator care will be on a floor
+In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine
+times out of ten the elevator car will be on a floor
 where you are not.
 %
 The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbeque,
@@ -1112,20 +1061,15 @@ campfire, etc. to drift into a person's face varies
 directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke.
 %
 The distance to the gate is inversely proportional
-to the time available to catch you flight.
-%
-As soon as the flight attendant serves the coffee, the
-airliner encounters turbulence.
-%
-Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
+to the time available to catch your flight.
 %
 Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will
 come in on another one.
 %
-When travelling overseas, the exchange rate improves
+When traveling overseas, the exchange rate improves
 markedly the day after one has purchased foreign
 currency.
-%
+
 Upon returning home, the exchange rate drops again as
 soon as one has converted all unused foreign currency.
 %
@@ -1139,12 +1083,12 @@ none of the authorizers can be blamed if the project
 fails but when all of the authorizers can claim credit
 if it succeeds.
 %
-If an idea can survive a bureacratic review and be
+If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be
 implemented, it wasn't worth doing.
 %
 The greater the cost of putting a plan into operation,
 the less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even
-if it subsequently becomes irrevelant.
+if it subsequently becomes irrelevant.
 %
 The higher the level of prestige accorded the people
 behind the plan, the least less chance there is of
@@ -1156,7 +1100,7 @@ This person must be fired.
 %
 It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 %
-Far-way talent always seems better than home-developed
+Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed
 talent.
 %
 Personnel recruiting is a triumph of hope over
@@ -1189,9 +1133,6 @@ of the task.
 %
 The client who pays the least complains the most
 %
-A lack of planning on your part
-does not constitute an emergency on my part.
-%
 I know you believe you understand
    what you think I said,
       however, I am not sure you realize,
@@ -1231,7 +1172,7 @@ who's redundant.
 %
 Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
 %
-If you're early, it'll be cancelled.
+If you're early, it'll be canceled.
 If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will
    have to wait.
 If you're late, you will be too late.
@@ -1282,9 +1223,6 @@ Murphy's rule for precision:
 %
 You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
 %
-First rule of intelligent tinkering:
-	Save all the parts
-%
 Access holes will be 1/2" too small.
 Holes that are the right size will be in the wrong place.
 %
@@ -1313,9 +1251,6 @@ Office machines which function perfectly during normal
 business hours will break down when you return to the
 office at night to use them for personal business.
 %
-Machines that have broken down will work perfectly
-when the repairman arrives.
-%
 Envelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick
 them will stick to other things when you don't want
 them to.
@@ -1328,15 +1263,12 @@ The last person who quit or was fired will be held
 responsible for everything that goes wrong -- until
 the next person quits or is fired.
 %
-If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you
-don't want his the paper.
-%
 The one time in the day that you lean back and relax
 is the one time the boss walks through the office.
 %
 Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
 %
-When you do not know what you are going, do it neatly.
+When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
 %
 Teamwork is essential.  It allows you to blame someone else.
 %
@@ -1359,7 +1291,7 @@ data points.
 %
 Any technical problem can be overcome given enough
 time and money.
-%
+
 You are never given enough time or money.
 %
 Unless the results are known in advance, funding
@@ -1372,11 +1304,6 @@ exact solution and not know the truth at all.
 An easily-understood, workable falsehood is more useful
 than a complex, incomprehensible truth.
 %
-Anyone who make a significant contribution to any field
-of endeavor and stays in that field long enough,
-becomes an obstruction to its progress -- in direct
-proportion to the importance of his original contribution.
-%
 If a scientist uncovers a publishable fact, it will
 become central to his theory.
 
@@ -1509,9 +1436,6 @@ will find an easier way to do it.
 Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or
 exceeding the greatness of the idea.
 %
-Never attribute to malice that which is adequately
-explained by stupidity.
-%
 New systems generate new problems.
 %
 Systems should not be unnecessarily multiplied.
@@ -1525,7 +1449,7 @@ The total behavior of large systems cannot be predicted.
 A large system, produced by expanding the dimensions of
 a smaller system, does not behave like the smaller system.
 %
-People in systems do not do what the systems says
+People in systems do not do what the systems say
 they are doing.
 %
 The system itself does not do what it says it is doing.
@@ -1541,8 +1465,8 @@ over, beginning with a working simple system.
 (2)	Everything is part of a larger system.
 (3)	The universe is infinitely systematized both upward
 	(larger systems) and downward (smaller systems).
-(4)	All systems are infinitely complex.  (The illuison
-	of simplicity comes from focussing attention on
+(4)	All systems are infinitely complex.  (The illusion
+	of simplicity comes from focusing attention on
 	one or a few variables).
 %
 Complex systems tend to oppose their own proper function.
@@ -1575,15 +1499,9 @@ you are as to which answer they want.
 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture
 you missed about the one book you didn't read.
 %
-The night before the english history mid-term, your
-biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
-%
-Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else
-to do except study for that instructor's course.
-%
 If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget
 your book.
-If you are given a take-home  exam, you will forget
+If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget
 where you live.
 %
 At the end of the semester you will recall having
@@ -1616,9 +1534,9 @@ the uninformed.
 When a student asks for a second time if you have read
 his book report, he did not read the book.
 %
-If daily class attendance is mandatory, a schedules
-exam will product increased absenteeism.  If attendance
-is optional, a schedules exam will produce persons you
+If daily class attendance is mandatory, a scheduled
+exam will produce increased absenteeism.  If attendance
+is optional, a scheduled exam will produce persons you
 have never seen before.
 %
 Just because your doctor has a name for your condition
@@ -1655,7 +1573,7 @@ If both answers are the same, don't do the test.
 The radiologists' national flower is the hedge.
 %
 The feasibility of an operation is not the best
-indiciation for its performance.
+indication for its performance.
 %
 A physician's ability is inversely proportional
 to his availability.
@@ -1663,7 +1581,7 @@ to his availability.
 There are two kinds of adhesive tape:  That which won't
 stay on and that which won't come off.
 %
-Everbody wants a pain shot at the same time.
+Everybody wants a pain shot at the same time.
 %
 Everybody who didn't want a pain shot when you were
 passing out pain shots wants one when you are passing
@@ -1726,7 +1644,7 @@ The mountain gets steeper as you get closer.
 %
 The mountain looks closer than it is.
 %
-All trails have more uphill sections that they have
+All trails have more uphill sections than they have
 level or downhill sections.
 %
 The one who least wants to play is the one who will win.
@@ -1734,7 +1652,7 @@ The one who least wants to play is the one who will win.
 All things being equal, you lose.
 
 All things being in your favor, you still lose.
-%
+
 Win or lose, you lose.
 %
 It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
@@ -1783,7 +1701,7 @@ up covered with grease and motor oil.
 When necessary, metric and inch tools can be used
 interchangeably.
 %
-Automotive engine reparing law:
+Automotive engine repairing law:
 If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
 %
 If you lived here you'd be home now.
@@ -1801,13 +1719,6 @@ It the shoe fits, it's ugly.
 %
 The one you want is never the one on sale.
 %
-Anything labeled "new" and/or "improved" isn't.
-%
-The label "new" and/or "improved" means the price went up.
-%
-The label "all new," "completely new" or "great news"
-means the price went way way up.
-%
 If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet
 it's not $19.95.
 %
@@ -1874,7 +1785,7 @@ The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store
 to get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to.
 %
 The more time and energy you put into preparing a meal
-the greater the chance you guests will spend the entire
+the greater the chance your guests will spend the entire
 meal discussing other meals they have had.
 %
 Souffles rise and cream whips only for the family and
@@ -1930,9 +1841,9 @@ refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate
 for an audience.
 %
 A shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public
-area to loudly demonstrate new acquired vocabulary.
+area to loudly demonstrate newly acquired vocabulary.
 %
-The probablility of a cat eating its dinner has
+The probability of a cat eating its dinner has
 absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food
 placed before it.
 %
@@ -1959,7 +1870,7 @@ it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
 If there are only two shows worth watching, they will
 be on together.
 %
-The only new TV show worth watching will be cancelled.
+The only new TV show worth watching will be canceled.
 %
 The TV show you've been looking forward to all week
 will be preempted.
@@ -1977,7 +1888,7 @@ When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal
 (2)	You will reach it just in time to hear the click
 	of the caller hanging up.
 %
-People to whom you are attracted invariably thing you
+People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
 remind them of someone else.
 %
 The one who snores will fall asleep first.
@@ -1991,12 +1902,12 @@ make a fool of yourself in person.
 %
 Other people's romantic gestures seem novel and exciting.
 
-Your own romantic gestures seem fooolish and clumsy.
+Your own romantic gestures seem foolish and clumsy.
 %
 The length of a marriage is inversely proportional
 to the amount spent on the wedding.
 %
-The probablility of meeting someone you know increases
+The probability of meeting someone you know increases
 when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
 %
 If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember
@@ -2028,10 +1939,6 @@ happened to everyone you know only more so.
 %
 He who laughs last -- probably didn't get the joke.
 %
-Don't worry over what other people are thinking about
-you.  They're too busy worrying over what you are
-thinking about them.
-%
 In a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the
 organization the less people appreciate Murphy's law,
 the Peter Principle, etc.
@@ -2048,7 +1955,7 @@ When we try to pick out anything by itself we find
 it hitched to everything else in the universe.
 %
 If one views his problem closely enough he will
-recoginize himself as part of the problem.
+recognize himself as part of the problem.
 %
 Everything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
 %
@@ -2116,18 +2023,18 @@ How did they measure hail before the golf ball was invented?
 To err is human, to forgive is divine --
 but to forget it altogether is humane.
 %
-"Watching a birdie" in hand is safer that watching
+"Watching a birdie" in hand is safer than watching
 one overhead.
 %
 The light at the end of the tunnel can be a helluva
-nuisance, especially if your're using the tunnel
+nuisance, especially if you're using the tunnel
 as a darkroom.
 %
 Never play leapfrog with a photo enlarger.
 %
 Never argue with an artist.
 %
-When in doubt, don't muble, overexpose ... then mumble.
+When in doubt, don't mumble, overexpose ... then mumble.
 %
 The light at the end of the tunnel really is a train.
 %
@@ -2163,7 +2070,7 @@ If his IQ was any lower he'd be a plant.
 %
 Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
 %
-It is far better to do nothing that to do
+It is far better to do nothing than to do
 something efficiently.
 		-- Siezbo
 %
@@ -2176,7 +2083,7 @@ A fool and his money are invited places.
 %
 All things come to him whose name is on a mailing list.
 %
-The hand that rocks the craddle usually is attached
+The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached
 to someone who isn't getting enough sleep.
 %
 After winning an argument with his wife,
@@ -2193,7 +2100,7 @@ Easy doesn't do it.
 Most people want to be delivered from temptation but
 would like it to keep in touch.
 %
-When a distinguised scientist states something is possible,
+When a distinguished scientist states something is possible,
 he is almost certainly right.  When he states that
 something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
 %
@@ -2220,21 +2127,18 @@ take what they get.
 Real programmers don't comment their code. if it is hard
 to write, it should be hard to understand.
 %
-Real programmers don't write apllications programs; they
+Real programmers don't write applications programs; they
 program right down on the bare metal.  Application
 programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.
 %
 Real programmers don't eat quiche.  In fact, real
 programmers don't know how to spell quiche.  They eat
-twinkies and szechuan food.
+Twinkies and szechuan food.
 %
 Real programmer's programs never work the first time.  But
 if you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into
 working in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
 %
-Real programmers don't write in Fortran.  Fortran is for
-pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
-%
 Real programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any real
 programmers are around at 9 a.m., it's because they
 were up all night.
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
index f0a6829..004ad80 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %%$FreeBSD$
+%
 You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
 %
 When you're up to your nose in shit,
@@ -9,9 +10,6 @@ one dam thing after another.
 %
 Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
 %
-Old Scottish prayer:  O Lord, grant that we may always be
-right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
-%
 All probabilities are 50%: either a thing will
 happen or it won't.
 
@@ -29,3 +27,4 @@ Pity the poor egg;
 It only gets laid once in its life.
 %
 It's always the wrong time of the month.
+%
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/startrek b/games/fortune/datfiles/startrek
index 73f24b1..92258c9 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/startrek
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/startrek
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %% $FreeBSD$
+%
 A father doesn't destroy his children.
 		-- Lt. Carolyn Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?",
 		   stardate 3468.1.
@@ -50,8 +51,8 @@ in this way? ...  Obedience.  Duty.  Death, and more death ...
 enough to play around with that.
 		-- McCoy, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
 %
-"Beauty is transitory."
-"Beauty survives."
+	"Beauty is transitory."
+	"Beauty survives."
 		-- Spock and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
 %
 Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on.
@@ -66,13 +67,12 @@ able to break it, but, I'll bet you credits to Navy Beans we can put a
 dent in it.
 		-- deSalle, "Catspaw", stardate 3018.2
 %
-"Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away with
-jealousy, greed, hate ..."
-
-"It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness, sentiment --
-the other side of the coin"
-		-- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk, "What are Little Girls Made Of?",
-		   stardate 2712.4
+	"Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away
+with jealousy, greed, hate ..."
+	"It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness,
+sentiment -- the other side of the coin"
+		-- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk,
+		   "What are Little Girls Made Of?", stardate 2712.4
 %
 Change is the essential process of all existence.
 		-- Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", stardate 5730.2
@@ -132,8 +132,8 @@ mistakes.
 Every living thing wants to survive.
 		-- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3
 %
-"Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth."
-"Or by misleading the innocent."
+	"Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth."
+	"Or by misleading the innocent."
 		-- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead",
 		   stardate 5029.5.
 %
@@ -152,16 +152,16 @@ First study the enemy.  Seek weakness.
 Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.
 		-- Klingon Soldier, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown
 %
-"... freedom ... is a worship word..."
-"It is our worship word too."
+	"... freedom ... is a worship word..."
+	"It is our worship word too."
 		-- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
 %
 Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis.  You can't simply say,
 "Today I will be brilliant."
 		-- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3
 %
-"Get back to your stations!"
-"We're beaming down to the planet, sir."
+	"Get back to your stations!"
+	"We're beaming down to the planet, sir."
 		-- Kirk and Mr. Leslie, "This Side of Paradise",
 		   stardate 3417.3
 %
@@ -192,9 +192,9 @@ nor am I frightened of it.  It simply exists, and I will do whatever
 logically needs to be done.
 		-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2812.7
 %
-"I think they're going to take all this money that we spend now on war
-and death --"
-"And make them spend it on life."
+	"I think they're going to take all this money that we spend now
+on war and death --"
+	"And make them spend it on life."
 		-- Edith Keeler and Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever",
 		   stardate unknown.
 %
@@ -278,11 +278,10 @@ It would be illogical to kill without reason
 It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted
 		-- Yarnek of Excalbia, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5
 %
-"It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor felt can
-do so much harm."
-
-"That's true.  But an idea can't be seen or felt.  And that's what kept
-the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries.  A mistaken idea."
+	"It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor
+felt can do so much harm."
+	"That's true.  But an idea can't be seen or felt.  And that's
+what kept the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries.  A mistaken idea."
 		-- Vanna and Kirk, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5819.0
 %
 Killing is stupid; useless!
@@ -300,16 +299,16 @@ Landru! Guide us!
 Leave bigotry in your quarters; there's no room for it on the bridge.
 		-- Kirk, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
 %
-"Life and death are seldom logical."
-"But attaining a desired goal always is."
+	"Life and death are seldom logical."
+	"But attaining a desired goal always is."
 		-- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2821.7
 %
 Live long and prosper.
 		-- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7
 %
-"Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here."
-"You admit that?"
-"To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor"
+	"Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here."
+	"You admit that?"
+	"To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor"
 		-- Spock and McCoy, "A Piece of the Action", stardate unknown
 %
 Lots of people drink from the wrong bottle sometimes.
@@ -323,7 +322,7 @@ Madness has no purpose.  Or reason.  But it may have a goal.
 		-- Spock, "The Alternative Factor", stardate 3088.7
 %
 Many Myths are based on truth
-		-- Spock, "The Way to Eden",  stardate 5832.3
+		-- Spock, "The Way to Eden", stardate 5832.3
 %
 Men don't talk peace unless they're ready to back it up with war.
 		-- Col. Green, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
@@ -352,8 +351,8 @@ No one can guarantee the actions of another.
 No one may kill a man.  Not for any purpose.  It cannot be condoned.
 		-- Kirk, "Spock's Brain", stardate 5431.6
 %
-"No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war."
-"He talks of peace if it is the only way to live."
+	"No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war."
+	"He talks of peace if it is the only way to live."
 		-- Colonel Green and Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain",
 		   stardate 5906.5.
 %
@@ -440,12 +439,12 @@ Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie.
 Superior ability breeds superior ambition.
 		-- Spock, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9
 %
-"That unit is a woman."
-"A mass of conflicting impulses."
+	"That unit is a woman."
+	"A mass of conflicting impulses."
 		-- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9
 %
-"The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile."
-"Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'"
+	"The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile."
+	"Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'"
 		-- Spock and Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
 %
 The face of war has never changed.  Surely it is more logical to heal
@@ -457,10 +456,11 @@ pattern.  We don't fear it as you do.
 		-- Proconsul Marcus Claudius, "Bread and Circuses",
 		   stardate 4041.2
 %
-"The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity."
-"And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and beauty."
-		-- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock, "Is There in Truth No Beauty?",
-		   stardate 5630.8
+	"The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity."
+	"And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and
+beauty."
+		-- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock,
+		   "Is There in Truth No Beauty?", stardate 5630.8
 %
 The heart is not a logical organ.
 		-- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years", stardate 3479.4
@@ -494,10 +494,10 @@ deeply -- life in every form from fetus to developed being.
 to know each other.
 		-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5
 %
-"The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy.  Emotionally healthy."
-
-"That may be, Doctor.  However, I have noted that the healthy release
-of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you."
+	"The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy.  Emotionally
+healthy."
+	"That may be, Doctor.  However, I have noted that the healthy
+release of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you."
 		-- McCoy and Spock, "Plato's Stepchildren", stardate 5784.3
 %
 The sight of death frightens them [Earthers].
@@ -551,8 +551,9 @@ There's nothing disgusting about it [the Companion].  It's just another
 life form, that's all.  You get used to those things.
 		-- McCoy, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8
 %
-"There's only one kind of woman ..."
-"Or man, for that matter.  You either believe in yourself or you don't."
+	"There's only one kind of woman ..."
+	"Or man, for that matter.  You either believe in yourself or
+you don't."
 		-- Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1
 %
 This cultural mystique surrounding the biological function -- you
@@ -628,8 +629,8 @@ development.
 We have phasers, I vote we blast 'em!
 		-- Bailey, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.2
 %
-"We have the right to survive!"
-"Not by killing others."
+	"We have the right to survive!"
+	"Not by killing others."
 		-- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5
 %
 We Klingons believe as you do -- the sick should die.  Only the strong
@@ -641,10 +642,9 @@ But when it comes to your job -- that's different.  And it always will
 be different.
 		-- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4729.4
 %
-"What happened to the crewman?"
-
-"The M-5 computer needed a new power source, the crewman merely got in
-the way."
+	"What happened to the crewman?"
+	"The M-5 computer needed a new power source, the crewman merely
+got in the way."
 		-- Kirk and Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer",
 		   stardate 4731.3.
 %
@@ -652,8 +652,8 @@ What kind of love is that?  Not to be loved; never to have shown love.
 		-- Commissioner Nancy Hedford, "Metamorphosis",
 		   stardate 3219.8
 %
-"What terrible way to die."
-"There are no good ways."
+	"What a terrible way to die."
+	"There are no good ways."
 		-- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
 %
 When a child is taught ... its programmed with simple instructions --
@@ -755,3 +755,4 @@ You're too beautiful to ignore.  Too much woman.
 Youth doesn't excuse everything.
 		-- Dr. Janice Lester (in Kirk's body), "Turnabout Intruder",
 		   stardate 5928.5.
+%
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
index e7f5488..85d9832 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 %% $FreeBSD$
+%
 A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
 %
 A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
@@ -93,6 +94,9 @@ But they went to MARS around 1953!!
 %
 But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
 %
+Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missile sighted, target
+Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
+%
 Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
 %
 Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
@@ -1328,3 +1332,4 @@ CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
 YOW!!!  I am having fun!!!
 %
 Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...
+%