Quoting submitter:

 This is a recent conversion of an old IBM Mainframe application
 to the fortune datafile format.

 The "laws" were extracted from a S/370 Assembler program on a SHARE tape.
 The comments in the program:

 *---------------------------------------------------------------------*
 *        'MURPHY'  THE OLE PHILOSOPHER              18 AUGUST 1988    *
 *                                                                     *
 *        MURPHY WAS FOUND ON A JES2 TAPE OF ALL PLACES WITH ABOUT     *
 *        500 OR SO SAYINGS. GOT ANOTHER 250 FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE    *
 *        AND HAVE ADDED ABOUT 100 OR SO MYSELF.                       *
 *                                                                     *
     [list of changes omitted]
 *                                                                     *
 *        JIM MARSHALL, CAPT, USAF                                     *
 *        (301) 688-6829                                               *
 *                                                                     *
 *---------------------------------------------------------------------*

Fortunes that a sufficiently twisted mind could perceive as offensive
have been moved to murphy-o.  Thanks to the submitter for reviewing
these fortunes.

The copyright issues were considered before approval.

PR:		misc/8519
Submitted by:	Cy Schubert (misc/8519)
Approved by:	The Fortune Teller

3 files changed, 2407 insertions, 5 deletions

diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile b/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile
index 4d705c9..20a800d 100644
--- a/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/Makefile
@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
 #	@(#)Makefile	8.2 (Berkeley) 4/19/94
 # $FreeBSD$
 
-FILES=	fortunes fortunes2 startrek zippy
-BLDS=	fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat \
+FILES=	fortunes fortunes2 murphy startrek zippy
+BLDS=	fortunes.dat fortunes2.dat murphy.dat startrek.dat zippy.dat \
 	fortunes-o fortunes-o.dat
 
 # Pass all new entries by ${MAINTAINER} to preserve some semblance of
@@ -14,8 +14,8 @@ MAINTAINER=	jkh
 # THREE LINES AND UNCOMMENT THE FOURTH LINE.
 
 # THE THREE LINES:
-FILES+=	fortunes2-o limerick
-BLDS+=	fortunes2-o.dat limerick.dat
+FILES+=	fortunes2-o limerick murphy-o
+BLDS+=	fortunes2-o.dat limerick.dat murphy-o.dat
 TYPE=	real
 
 # THE FOURTH LINE:
@@ -31,7 +31,7 @@ beforeinstall:
 	${INSTALL} ${COPY} -o ${BINOWN} -g ${BINGRP} -m ${NOBINMODE} ${BLDS} \
 	    ${DESTDIR}${SHAREDIR}/games/fortune
 
-.for f in fortunes fortunes2 fortunes2-o limerick startrek zippy
+.for f in fortunes fortunes2 fortunes2-o limerick murphy murphy-o startrek zippy
 $f.dat: $f
 	PATH=$$PATH:/usr/games:${.OBJDIR}/../strfile \
 	    strfile -Crs ${.ALLSRC} ${.TARGET}
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c9e11b8
--- /dev/null
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
@@ -0,0 +1,2376 @@
+%%$FreeBSD$
+When things are going well, someone will inevitably
+experiment detrimentally.
+%
+If not controlled, work will flow to the competent
+man until he submerges.
+%
+The deficiency will never show itself during the test runs.
+%
+The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found
+in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting
+%
+It is impossible to build a fool proof system;
+because fools are so ingenious.
+%
+Talent in staff work or sales will continually be
+interpreted as managerial ability.
+%
+Information travels more surely to those with a
+lesser need to know.
+%
+The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his
+subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems.
+%
+An original idea can never emerge from committee
+in its original form.
+%
+No good deed goes unpunished.
+%
+When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system
+will perform perfectly.
+%
+Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce
+multiple interpretations.
+%
+The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by
+the paper clip of the overlying memo and go to file.
+%
+On successive charts of the same organization the number of
+boxes will never decrease.
+%
+It is ok to be ignorant in some areas,
+but some people abuse the privilege.
+%
+Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment
+to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
+%
+Success can be insured only by devising a defense against
+failure of the contingency plan.
+%
+Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
+%
+Performance is directly affected by the perversity of
+inanimate objects.
+%
+Leakproof seals --- will.
+%
+Never offend people with style
+when you can offend them with substance.
+%
+Our customers paperwork is profit
+our own paperwork is loss.
+%
+At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
+%
+As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
+%
+This space for rent.
+%
+The more directives you issue to solve a problem,
+the worse it gets.
+%
+Cop-out number 1.
+You should have seen it when I got it.
+%
+When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is
+difficult to keep your mind on the fact that your primary
+objective was to drain the swamp.
+%
+The road to hell is paved with good intentions
+and littered with sloppy analyses!
+%
+Self starters --- won't.
+%
+If the assumptions are wrong,
+the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.
+%
+The organization of any program reflects the organization
+of the people who developed it.
+%
+There is no such thng as a "dirty capitalist",
+only a capitalist.
+%
+Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
+%
+The meek will inherit the earth
+after the rest of us go to the stars.
+%
+Capitalism can exist in one of only two states:
+welfare or warfare.
+%
+History proves nothing.
+%
+A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much
+technological roccoco.
+%
+A little humility is arrogance.
+%
+Interchangeable parts --- won't.
+%
+Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
+faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
+%
+All american cars are basically chevrolets.
+%
+A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not
+take place.
+%
+No experiment is ever a complete failure.
+It can always be used as a bad example.
+%
+Despite the sign that says "wet paint",
+please don't.
+%
+Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
+%
+People don't change; they only become more so.
+%
+I finally got it all together...
+but I forgot where I put it.
+%
+If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is
+because of something left out, rather than added.
+%
+There is always one more bug.
+%
+The big guys always win.
+%
+Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
+%
+Any sufficiently advanced technology is
+indistinguishable from magic.
+%
+It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
+%
+It is better to be part of the idle rich class
+than be part of the idle poor class.
+%
+Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
+%
+For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
+%
+If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough
+chances are someone else will do it for you.
+%
+Everybody's gotta be someplace.
+%
+Nature is a mother.
+%
+If you've got them by the balls,
+their hearts and minds will follow.
+%
+People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell
+them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
+%
+If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.
+%
+Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
+%
+Any given program cost more and take longer.
+%
+If a program is useful, it will be changed.
+%
+If a program is useless, it will be documented.
+%
+Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
+%
+The value of a program is proportional
+to the weight of its output.
+%
+Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
+%
+Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
+of the programmer who must maintain it.
+%
+Make it possible for programmers to write programs
+in english and you will find that programmers cannot
+write in english.
+%
+When more and more people are thrown out of work
+unemployment results.
+%
+If you can't measure it, i'm not interested.
+%
+The best way to lie is to tell the truth.....
+carefully edited truth.
+%
+There are three ways to get things done:
+Do it yourself,
+Hire someone to do it, or
+Forbid your kids to do it.
+%
+I think ... therefore I am confused.
+%
+A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
+%
+History repeats itself.
+that's one of the things wrong with history.
+%
+90% of everything is crud.
+%
+Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
+%
+Those with the best advice offer no advice.
+%
+Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
+%
+Democracy is that form of government where
+everybody gets what the majority deserves.
+%
+If you're worried about being crazy,
+don't be overly concerned:
+If you were, you would think you were sane.
+%
+Pills to be taken in twos always come
+out of the bottle in threes.
+%
+Flynn is dead
+Tron is dead
+long live the MCP.
+%
+Why worry about tomorrow? we may not make it through today!
+%
+Real programmers don't number paragraph names
+consecutively.
+%
+If you're feeling good, don't worry,
+you'll get over it.
+%
+Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages
+of Cobol when they don't know any other language.
+%
+Definition of an elephant:
+A mouse built to goverment specifications.
+%
+Real programmers are kind to rookies.
+%
+Real programmers don't notch their desks for each
+completed service request.
+%
+You don't have to be crazy to work here
+but it sure helps!!!!!!!
+%
+Real programmers don't announce how many times the
+operations department called them last night.
+%
+A day without sunshine ....
+is like ... night!
+%
+Real programmers are secure enough to write readable code,
+which they then self-righteously refuse to explain.
+%
+Real programmers don't play video games, they write them.
+%
+Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
+%
+Real programmers understand Pascal.
+%
+Real programmers know it's not operations
+fault if their jobs go into "hogs."
+%
+Real programmers do not eat breakfast from the
+vending machines.
+%
+Real programmers punch up their own programs.
+%
+When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
+%
+Real programmers have read the standards manual
+but won't admit it.
+%
+Real programmers don't advertise their hangovers.
+%
+Real programmers don't dress for success unless
+they are trying to convince others that they are
+going on interviews.
+%
+Real programmers do not practice four-syllable words before
+walkthroughs.
+%
+All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
+%
+Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a
+matter of principle.
+%
+The final test is when it goes production ...
+w h e n  i t  g o e s   p r o d u c t i o n  ...
+w h e n     i  t     g  o  e  s     p  r  o  d  u  c  t
+w h  e   n       i   t       g   o   e   s       p   r   o
+%
+Real programmers drink too much coffee so that they will
+always seem tense and overworked.
+%
+Real programmers always have a better idea.
+%
+Anyone who follows a crowd will
+never be followed by a crowd.
+%
+Real programmers can do octal, hexadecimal and
+binary math in their heads.
+%
+Real programmers don't write memos.
+%
+Real programmers know what saad means.
+%
+Real programmers do not utter profanities at an elevated
+decible level.
+%
+Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
+%
+Real programmers do not apply DP terminology to non-DP
+situations.
+%
+I no longer get lost in the shuffle....
+I shuffle along with the lost.
+%
+Real programmers do not read books like
+"effective listening" and "communication skills".
+%
+Real programmers print only clean compiles,
+fixing all errors through the terminal.
+%
+The early worm deserves the bird.
+%
+Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!!
+%
+All good things must come to an end.
+I want to know when they start!
+%
+A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
+in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
+%
+Blessed are those who go around in circles,
+for they shall be known as wheels.
+%
+Never eat prunes when you are famished.
+%
+Keep emotionally active,
+cater to your favorite neurosis.
+%
+A RACF protected dataset is inaccessible.
+%
+RACF is a four letter word.
+%
+You may be recognized soon.
+Hide!
+If they find you, lie.
+%
+You can pray hard enough to make water run uphill
+how hard?
+Hard enough to make water run uphill.
+%
+Avoid reality at all costs.
+%
+Program design philosophy:
+Start at the beginning and continue until the end,
+then stop.            (Lewis Carroll)
+%
+A closed mouth gathers no foot.
+%
+Only a mediocre person is always at their best.
+%
+Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
+%
+In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
+the greater the confusion.
+%
+The first time is for love
+the next time is $200.
+%
+Of two possible events,
+only the undesired one will occur.
+%
+The faster the plane,
+the narrower the seats.
+%
+If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
+%
+If on an actuarial basis there is a 50 50 chance that
+something will go wrong,
+It will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
+%
+A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.
+%
+The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to
+save all of the parts.
+%
+1) Things will get worse before they get better.
+2) Who said things would get better?
+%
+If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
+%
+There is a solution to every problem;
+the only difficulty is finding it.
+%
+Don't make your doctor your heir.
+%
+Don't ask the barber if you need a haircut.
+%
+If there isn't a law, there will be.
+%
+If you don't like the answer,
+you shouldn't have asked the question.
+%
+Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
+%
+You can't expect to hit the jackpot
+if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.
+%
+Unless you intend to kill him immediately; never kick a man
+in the balls, not even symbolically or perhaps especially
+not symbolically.
+%
+Freud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse
+proportion to their soundness and validity.
+%
+A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
+%
+If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
+%
+If you know, you can't say.
+%
+The meek shall inherit the earth,
+but not its mineral rights.
+%
+1) You can't win
+2) You can't break even
+3) You can't even quit the game
+%
+When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.
+%
+Common sense is not so common.
+%
+If we learn by our mistakes,
+I'm getting one hell of an education!!
+%
+Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the
+embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
+%
+Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation
+for being useful.
+%
+You will always find something in the last place you look.
+%
+The probability of anything happening is in
+inverse ratio to its desirability.
+%
+The first myth of management is that it exists
+the second myth of management is that success equals skill.
+%
+If it's good they will stop making it.
+%
+Inside every large program
+is a small program struggling to get out.
+%
+A memorandum is written not to inform the reader
+but to protect the writer.
+%
+Never insult an alligator
+until after you have crossed the river.
+%
+Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
+%
+When your opponent is down, kick him.
+%
+The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of
+someone he can blame it on.
+%
+The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered
+side down is directly proportional to the cost of the
+carpet.
+%
+In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
+%
+Last guys don't finish nice.
+%
+Never admit anything.
+Never regret anything
+whatever it is, your not responsible.
+%
+If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
+%
+When working toward the solution of a problem,
+it always helps if you know the answer.
+Provided of course you know there is a problem.
+%
+The usefulness of any meeting
+is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
+%
+The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
+%
+Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary
+drivel off the tv screen.
+%
+Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest
+number must happen.
+%
+No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after
+you have bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
+%
+Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
+%
+A disagreeable task is its own reward.
+%
+If things were left to chance, they'd be better.
+%
+The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk
+to the other end of the building.
+%
+Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
+%
+A president of a democracy is a man who is always ready,
+willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
+%
+If a thing is done wrong ofter enough
+it becomes right.
+%
+People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
+%
+If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always
+manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
+%
+No one's life, liberty, or property are safe
+while the legislature is in session.
+%
+Never say "oops" after you have submitted a job.
+%
+Bad news drives good news out of the media.
+%
+Just when you get really good at something,
+you don't need to do it anymore.
+%
+If facts do not conform to the theory,
+they must be disposed of.
+%
+Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
+%
+When properly administered, vacations do not diminish
+productivity.  For every week you are away and get nothing
+done, there is another week when your boss is away and you
+get twice as much done.
+%
+No matter what happens, there is always somebody
+who knew that it would.
+%
+The other line always moves faster.
+%
+Never eat at a place called moms, never play cards with a
+man named doc, and never lie down with a woman who has
+got more troubles than you.
+%
+To get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
+%
+When all else fails, read the instructions.
+%
+Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than
+you thought.
+%
+Close counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and
+thermonuclear devices.
+%
+The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
+but the calf won't get much sleep.
+%
+If you fool around with a thing for very long you will
+screw it up.
+%
+It is better for civilization to be going down the drain,
+than to be coming up it.
+%
+A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10› fuse by blowing
+first.
+%
+Justice always prevails...
+three times out of seven.
+%
+If it jams --- force it.  If it breaks,
+it needed replacing anyway.
+%
+I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which,
+when you looked at it in the right way, did not become
+still more complicated.               Poul Anderson
+%
+Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath
+to the exact center.
+%
+No matter which direction you start,
+it's always against the wind coming back.
+%
+The repairman will never have seen a model quite like
+yours before.
+%
+Don't force it,
+get a bigger hammer.
+%
+When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman,
+it will work perfectly.
+%
+Pity the poor egg;
+It only gets laid once in its life.
+%
+An optimist is a person who looks forward to marriage.
+A pessimist is a married optimist!
+%
+A pessimist is an optimist with experience.
+%
+Old programmers never die - they just abend.
+%
+The success of any venture will be helped by prayer,
+even in the wrong denomination.
+%
+Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet
+somebody moves the ends!
+%
+Just because you are paranoid
+doesn't mean "they" aren't out to get you.
+%
+An Irishman is not drunk as long as
+he can hang onto a single blade of grass
+and not fall off the face of the earth.
+%
+If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong
+equipment.
+%
+Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink,
+some prefer to just gargle.
+%
+Everything is revealed to he who turns over enough stones.
+(Including the snakes that he did not want to find.)
+%
+Everybody should believe in something;
+I believe i'll have another drink.
+%
+Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
+%
+Build a system that even a fool can use,
+and only a fool will use it.
+%
+You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
+%
+Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
+%
+It's always the wrong time of the month.
+%
+In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level
+of incompetence, and then remains there.
+%
+It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick
+up something from the floor while you get up.
+%
+You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash
+when the garbage truck is two doors away.
+%
+Misery no longer loves company
+nowdays it insists on it.
+%
+the race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the
+strong, but that's the way to bet.
+%
+Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
+%
+There's never time to do it right, but there's always
+time to do it over.
+%
+On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone
+can be unhappy -- but we will work on it.
+%
+When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
+%
+The more ridiculous a belief system,
+the higher probability of its success.
+%
+Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or
+fattening.
+%
+Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
+%
+It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
+%
+When you're up to your nose .......,
+be sure to keep your mouth shut.
+%
+One's life tends to be like a beaver's,
+one dam thing after another.
+%
+A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
+%
+The ratio of time involved in work to time available for
+work is usually about 0.6
+%
+Remember the golden rule:
+Those that have the gold make the rules.
+%
+Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and
+knows it for he shall enjoy living.
+%
+Everything east of the San Andreas fault will evenutally
+plunge into the Atlantic ocean.
+%
+I finally got it all together.....
+but I forgot where I put it.
+%
+Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
+%
+Blessed is he who expects no gratitude,
+for he shall not be disappointed.
+%
+The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of
+an oncoming train.
+%
+Celibacy is not hereditary.
+%
+You can observe a lot just by watching.
+%
+If it can be borrowed and it can be broken,
+you will borrow it and
+you will break it.
+%
+Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
+%
+Live within your income,
+even if you have to borrow to do so.
+%
+Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone.
+%
+Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
+%
+To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
+%
+An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
+%
+Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
+%
+A bird in the hand is dead.
+%
+A smith and wesson beats four aces.
+%
+Never put all your eggs in your pocket.
+%
+If everything seems to be going well,
+you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
+%
+If at first you don't succeed,
+blame it on your supervisor.
+%
+If more than one person is responsible for a
+miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
+%
+Don't bite the hand that has your pay check in it.
+%
+In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
+%
+When in doubt, mumble.
+When in trouble, delegate.
+When in charge, ponder.
+%
+Please don't steal, the IRS hates competition!
+%
+Never argue with a fool,
+people might not know the difference.
+%
+You can't guard against the arbitrary.
+%
+People can be divided into three groups:
+Those who make things happen,
+Those who watch things happen and
+Those who wonder what happened.
+%
+I no longer get lost in the shuffle,
+I shuffle along with the lost.
+%
+The one thing that money can not buy is poverty.
+%
+You are not drunk if you can lay on the floor without
+holding on.
+%
+In any household, junk accumulates to the the space
+available for its storage.
+%
+Don't stop to stomp on ants
+when the elephants are stampeding.
+%
+The longer the title the less important the job.
+%
+Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion
+if it did occur, will occur.
+%
+When you are right be logical,
+When you are wrong be-fuddle.
+%
+For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution --
+and it is always wrong.
+%
+There are no winners in life:  Only survivors.
+%
+When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.
+%
+The yoo-hoo you yoo-hoo into the forest is the yoo-hoo you
+get back.
+%
+You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
+%
+The idea is to die young as late as possible.
+%
+No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
+%
+It's better to retire too soon than too late.
+%
+A man should be greater than some of his parts.
+%
+If you don't say it, they can't repeat it.
+%
+Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
+%
+Everything takes longer than you expect.
+%
+Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
+%
+If you see that there are four possible ways in which a
+procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a
+fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develope.
+%
+Things get worse under pressure.
+%
+Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional
+and employ faulty reasoning.
+%
+A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
+%
+Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
+%
+The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the
+time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
+%
+If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
+%
+Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
+%
+All things being equal, all things are never equal.
+%
+Even paranoids have enemies.
+%
+Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
+%
+Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet
+reached their level of incompetence.
+%
+If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
+%
+If you're coasting, you're going downhill.
+%
+Never tell them what you wouldn't do.
+%
+The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely
+proportional to the subject's true value.
+%
+Indifference is the only sure defense.
+%
+Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
+%
+Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.
+%
+If you want to get along, go along.
+%
+Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
+%
+The easiest way to find something lost around the house
+is to buy a replacement.
+%
+Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always
+point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
+%
+Make three correct guesses consectively and you will
+establish yourself as an expert.
+%
+It works better if you plug it in.
+%
+Quit while your still behind.
+%
+If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time,
+you better wear work shoes.
+%
+It's always easier to go down hill, but the view is
+from the top.
+%
+Any line, however short, is still too long.
+%
+Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
+%
+If you can't measure output then you measure input.
+%
+Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of
+approximate, additional assumptions.
+%
+Old scottish prayer:  O Lord, grant that we may always be
+right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
+%
+Never be first to do anything.
+%
+The chief cause of problems is solutions.
+%
+The only winner in the war of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
+%
+A little ignorance can go a long way.
+%
+Learn to be sincere.  Even if you have to fake it.
+%
+Entropy has us outnumbered.
+%
+Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
+%
+Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
+%
+A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
+%
+Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
+%
+Go where the money is.
+%
+Work may be the crabgrass of life, but money is still the
+water that keeps it green.
+%
+A stagnant science is at a standstill.
+%
+Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
+%
+For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.
+%
+Can't produces countercan't.
+%
+If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent
+of doing you good, you should run for your life.
+%
+When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty
+to impose your will upon anyone who disagrees with you.
+%
+If you can't convince them, confuse them.
+%
+Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
+%
+All general statements are false.  (think about it)
+%
+If it happens, it must be possible.
+%
+Them what gets--has.
+%
+If you are already in a hole, there's no use to continue
+digging.
+%
+If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
+programs, then the first woddpecker that came along would
+destroy civilization.
+%
+People will believe anything if you whisper it.
+%
+A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick
+in the pants.
+%
+Never leave hold of what you've got until you've got hold
+of something else.
+%
+A theory is better than its explanation.
+%
+Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing
+worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
+%
+Nobody notices when things go right.
+%
+There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
+%
+Roses are red violets are blue
+I am schizophrenic and so am I
+%
+If anything can go wrong, it will.
+%
+If anything can't go wrong it will.
+%
+If muprhy's law can go wrong, it will.
+%
+If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in
+in the worst possible sequence.
+%
+After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle
+will repeat itself.
+%
+An auditor enters the battlefield after the war is over,
+and attacks the wounded.
+%
+Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
+%
+No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody
+who knew it would.
+%
+Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
+%
+The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
+%
+1.  Everything depends.
+2.  Nothing is always.
+3.  Everything is sometimes.
+%
+If you wait, it will go away
+....having done it's damage.
+If it was bad, it'll be back.
+%
+Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand
+wrong answers.
+%
+Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune
+moment.
+%
+When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the
+world's composed of aluminum and vinyl.
+%
+In order for something to become clean, something
+else must become dirty.
+...but you can get everything dirty without getting
+anything clean.
+%
+Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
+%
+The first place to look for anything is the last place
+you would expect to find it.
+%
+You can always find what you're not looking for.
+%
+If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
+%
+It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly
+suprised.
+%
+A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the
+whole thing".
+%
+Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
+%
+When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
+%
+The time it talkes to rectify a situation  is
+inversely proportional to the time it took
+to do the damage.
+%
+An optimist believes we live in the best of all
+possible worlds.
+A pessimist fears this is true.
+%
+You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
+damnfoolproof.
+%
+It takes longer to glue a vase together than to
+break one.
+%
+It takes longer to lose 'x' number of pounds than
+to gain 'x' number of pounds.
+%
+The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in
+will be taken by the person in front of you.
+%
+The other line moves faster.
+%
+If you change lines, the one you just left will start
+to move faster than the one you are now in.
+%
+The longer you wait in line, the greater the
+likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
+%
+The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out
+lane.
+%
+Whenever you cut your fingernails you will find a
+need for them an hour later.
+%
+1.  If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance
+    will be down.
+2.  If the weather is extremely good, church attendance
+    will be down.
+3.  If the bulletin covers are in short supply church
+    attendance will exceed all expectations.
+%
+If a situation requires undivided attention, it will
+occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.
+%
+The further away the disaster or accident occurs, the
+greater the number of dead and injured required for it
+to become a story.
+%
+The closer you are to the facts of a situation, the
+more obvious are the errors in all news coverage of
+the situation.
+%
+The further you are from the facts of a situation,
+the more you tend to believe news coverage of the
+situation.
+%
+The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal
+the letter.
+%
+The most interesting specimen will not be labeled.
+%
+Some errors will always go unnoticed until the book
+is in print.
+%
+The first page the author turns to upon receiving an
+advance copy will be the page containing the worst
+error.
+%
+1.  Never draw what you can copy.
+2.  Never copy what you can trace.
+3.  Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
+%
+The best shots happen immediately after the last
+frame is exposed.
+%
+The best shots are generally attempted through the
+lens cap.
+%
+Any surviving best shots are ruined when someone
+inadvertently open the darkroom door and all of the
+dark leaks out.
+%
+If a three-story buiding served by one elevator, nine
+times out of ten the elevator care will be on a floor
+where you are not.
+%
+The tendency of smoke from a cigarette, barbeque,
+campfire, etc. to drift into a person's face varies
+directly with that person's sensitivity to smoke.
+%
+The distance to the gate is inversely proportional
+to the time available to catch you flight.
+%
+As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the
+airliner encounters turbulence.
+%
+Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
+%
+Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will
+come in on another one.
+%
+When travelling overseas, the exchange rate improves
+markedly the day after one has purchased foreign
+currency.
+%
+Upon returning home, the exchange rate drops again as
+soon as one has converted all unused foreign currency.
+%
+The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
+%
+For every action, there is an equal and opposite
+criticism.
+%
+Authorization for a project will be granted only when
+none of the authorizers can be blamed if the project
+fails but when all of the authorizers can claim credit
+if it succeeds.
+%
+If an idea can survive a bureacratic review and be
+implemented, it wasn't worth doing.
+%
+The greater the cost of putting a plan into operation,
+the less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even
+if it subsequently becomes irreveland.
+%
+The higher the level of prestige accorded the people
+behind the plan, the least less chance there is of
+abandoning it.
+%
+In any organization there will always be one person
+who knows what is going on.
+This person must be fired.
+%
+It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
+%
+Far-way talent always seems better than home-developed
+talent.
+%
+Personnel recruiting is a triumph of hope over
+experience.
+%
+Some people manage by the book, even though they
+don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
+%
+Don't let your superiors know you're better than
+they are.
+%
+You never know who's right, but you always know
+who's in charge.
+%
+1.  Anyone can make a decision given enough facts.
+2.  A good manager can make a decision without enough
+    facts.
+3.  A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
+%
+The boss who attempts to impress employees with his
+knowledge of intricate details has lost sight of his
+final objective.
+%
+You will save yourself a lot of needless worry if you
+don't burn your bridges until you come to them.
+%
+In a hierarchical system, the rate of pay varies
+inversely with the unpleasantness and difficulty
+of the task.
+%
+The client who pays the least complains the most
+%
+A lack of planning on your part
+does not constitute an emergency on my part.
+%
+I know you believe you understand
+   what you think I said,
+      however, I am not sure you realize,
+         that what I think you heard
+            is not what I meant
+%
+Real programmers don't eat muffins.
+%
+In any bureaucracy, paperwork increases as you spend
+more and more time reporting on the less and less you
+are doing.  Stability is achieved when you spend all of
+your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
+%
+Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for
+a number and then give it back to them.
+%
+When somebody drops something, everybody will kick it
+around instead of picking it up.
+%
+The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely
+proportional to the number of other people who are in
+a position to do it instead.
+%
+Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.
+%
+No one keeps a record of decisions you could have made
+but didn't.  Everyone keeps a records of your bad ones.
+%
+For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.
+%
+The inside contact that you have developed at great
+expense is the first person to be let go in any
+reorganization.
+%
+It's tough to get reallocated when you're the one
+who's redundant.
+%
+Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
+%
+If you're early, it'be cancelled.
+If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will
+   have to wait.
+If you're late, you will be too late.
+%
+A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept
+and the hours are lost.
+%
+If you leave the room, you're elected.
+%
+The cream rises to the top.
+So does the scum.
+%
+You can never do just one thing.
+%
+There's no time like the present for postponing
+what you don't want to do.
+%
+Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
+%
+The more complicated and grandiose the plan, the
+greater the chance of ailure.
+%
+Simple jobs always get put off because there will be
+time to do them later.
+%
+Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
+%
+A work project expands to fill the space available.
+%
+No matter how large the work space, if two projects
+must be done at the same time they will require the
+same part of the work space.
+%
+The one wrench or drill bit you need will be the one
+missing from the tool chest.
+%
+Most projects require three hands.
+%
+Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
+%
+The more carefully you plan a project, the more
+confusion there is when something goes wrong.
+%
+Murphy's rule for precision:
+   Measure with a micrometer
+   Mark with chalk
+   Cut with an axe
+%
+You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
+%
+First rule of intelligent tinkering:
+    Save all the parts
+%
+Access holes will be 1/2" too small.
+Holes that are the right size will be in the wrong place.
+%
+If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company
+will insist upon repairing the old one.
+%
+If it would be cheaper to repair the old one, the
+company will insist on the latest model.
+%
+The primary function of the design engineer is to make
+things difficult for the fabricator and impossible
+for the serviceman.
+%
+That component of any circuit which has the shortest
+service life will be placed in the least
+accessible location.
+%
+Any circuit design must contain at least one part which
+is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three
+parts which at still under development.
+%
+Important letters which contain no errors will develop
+errors in the mail.
+%
+Office machines which function perfectly during normal
+business hours will break down when you return to the
+office at night to use them for personal business.
+%
+Machines that have broken down will work perfectly
+when the repairman arrives.
+%
+Envelopes and stamps which don't stick when you lick
+them will stick to other things when you don't want
+them to.
+%
+Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by
+spontaneously moving from where you left them to where
+you can't find them.
+%
+The last person who quit or was fired will be held
+responsible for everything that goes wrong -- until
+the next person quits or is fired.
+%
+If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you
+don't want his the paper.
+%
+The one time in the day that you lean back and relax
+is the one time the boss walks through the office.
+%
+Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
+%
+When you do not know what you are going, do it neatly.
+%
+Teamwork is essential.  It allows you to blame someone else.
+%
+Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
+%
+1.  If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
+2.  If it stinks, it's chemistry.
+3.  If it doesn't work, it's physics.
+%
+Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.
+%
+The quality of correlation is inversely proportional
+to the density of control.
+%
+If reproducibility may be a problem conduct the
+test only once.
+%
+if a straight line fit is required, obtain only two
+data points.
+%
+Any technical problem can be overcome given enough
+time and money.
+%
+You are never given enough time or money.
+%
+Unless the results are known in advance, funding
+agencies will reject the proposal.
+%
+It is better to solve a problem with a crude
+approximation and know the truth, than to demand an
+exact solution and not know the truth at all.
+%
+An easily-understood, workable falsehood is more useful
+than a comples, incompreshensible truth.
+%
+Anyone who make a significant contribution to any field
+of endeavor, and stays in that field long enough,
+becomes an obstruction ot its progress -- in direct
+proportion to the importance of his original contribution.
+%
+If a scientist encovers a publishable fact, it will
+become central to his theory.
+
+His theory, in turn, will become central to all
+scientific though.
+%
+There is no such thing as a straight line.
+%
+In any series of calculations, errors tend to occur
+at the opposite end to the end at which you begin
+checking for errors.
+%
+Only errors exist.
+%
+One man's error is another man's data.
+%
+To err is human, but to really foul things up requires
+a computer.
+%
+When putting it into memory, remember where you put it.
+%
+Never test for an error condition you don't know
+how to handle.
+%
+Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since
+nobody listens.
+%
+People who love sausage and respect the law should
+never watch either one being made.
+%
+No matter what they're telling you, they're not
+telling you the whole truth.
+%
+No matter what they're talking about, they're
+talking about money.
+%
+In any dealings with a collective body of people, the
+people will always be more tacky than originally expected.
+%
+If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
+theirs, then you just don't understand the problemr.
+%
+Information deteriorates upward through the bureaucracies.
+%
+When an exaggerated emphasis is placed upon delegation,
+responsibility, like sediment, sinks to the bottom.
+%
+When outrageous expenditures are divided finely enough
+the public will not have enough stake in any one
+expenditure to squelch it.
+%
+When the government bureau's remedies do not match your
+problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
+%
+A fool and your money are soon partners.
+%
+You may know where the market is going, but you can't
+possibly know where it's going after that.
+%
+Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
+%
+Trial balances don't.
+%
+Working capital doesn't.
+%
+Liquidity tends to run out.
+%
+Return on investments won't.
+%
+If everybody doesn't want it, nobody gets it.
+%
+Mass man must be servied by mass means.
+%
+Everything is contagious.
+%
+Nothing is ever done for the right reasons.
+%
+The secret of success is sincerity. once you can fake
+that you've got it made.
+%
+An expert is anyone from out of town.
+%
+An expert is one who knows more and more about less
+and less until he knows absolutely everything
+about nothing.
+%
+To spot the expert, pick the one who perdicts the job
+wil take the longest and cost the most.
+%
+If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes, you've just
+become the expert.
+%
+Indecision is the basis for flexibility.
+%
+Anything is possible if you don't know what you're
+talking about.
+%
+Never create a problem for which you do not have
+the answer.
+%
+Create problems for which only you have the answer.
+%
+A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
+%
+Hindsight is an exact science.
+%
+History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely
+repeat each other.
+%
+Fact is solidified opinion.
+%
+Facts may weaken under extreme heat and pressure.
+%
+Truth is elastic.
+%
+When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.
+%
+When in trouble, obfuscate.
+%
+Progress does not consist in replacing a theory that is
+wrong with one that is right.  It consists in replacing
+a theory that is wrong with one that is more sublty wrong.
+%
+It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex
+task to make them simple.
+%
+If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man, he
+will find an easier way to do it.
+%
+Every great idean has a disadvantage equal to or
+exceeding the greatness of the idea.
+%
+Never attribute to malice that which is adequately
+explained by stupidity.
+%
+New systems generate new problems.
+%
+Systems should not be unnecessarily multiplied.
+%
+Systems tend to grow, and as they grow they encroach.
+%
+Complicated systems produce unexpected outcomes.
+%
+The total behavior of large systems cannot be predicted.
+%
+A large system, produced by expanding the dimensions of
+a smaller system, does not behave like the smaller system.
+%
+People in systems do not do what the systems says
+they are doing.
+%
+The system itself does not do what it says it is doing.
+%
+A complex system that works is invariably found to have
+evolved from a simple system that works.
+%
+A complex system designed from scratch never works and
+cannot be patched up to make it work.  You have to start
+over, beginning with a working simple system.
+%
+1.  Everything is a system.
+2.  Everything is part of a larger system.
+3.  The universe is infinitely systematized both upward
+    (larger systems) and downward (smaller systems).
+4.  All systems are infinitely complex. (the illuison
+    of simplicity comes from focussing attention on
+    one or a few variables).
+%
+Complex systems tend to oppose their own proper function.
+%
+If the course you wanted most has room for 'n' students
+you will be the 'n + 1' to apply.
+%
+Class schedules are designed so that every student will
+waste the maximum time between classes.
+%
+Show me a person who's never made a mistake and i'll
+show you somebdoy who's never achieved much.
+%
+When you consider there are 24 hours in a day, it's
+sad to know that only one is called the happy hour.
+%
+When you are able to schedule two classes in a row,
+they will be held in classrooms at opposite end of
+the campus.
+%
+A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered
+only during the semester following the desired course.
+%
+When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most
+important ones will be illegible.
+%
+The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure
+you are as to which answer they want.
+%
+80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture
+you missed about the one book you didn't read.
+%
+The night before the english history mid-term, your
+biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
+%
+Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else
+to do except study for that instructor's course.
+%
+If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget
+your book.
+If you are given a take-home  exam, you will forget
+where you live.
+%
+At the end of the semester you will recall having
+enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester
+-- and never attending.
+%
+The one course you must take to graduate will not be
+offered during your last semester.
+%
+The more general the title of a course, the less
+you will learn from it.
+%
+The more specific the title of a course, the less you
+will be able to apply it later.
+%
+The most valuable quotation will be the one for which
+you cannot determine the source.
+%
+The source for an unattributed quotation will appear
+in the most hostile review of your work.
+%
+When a writer prepares a manuscript on a subject he does
+not understand, his work will be understood only by
+readers who know more about that subject than he does.
+%
+Writings prepared without understanding must fail in the
+first ojbective of communication -- informing
+the uninformed.
+%
+When a student asks for a second time if you have read
+his book report, he did not read the book.
+%
+If daily class attendance is mandatory, a schedules
+exam will product increased absenteeism.  If attendance
+is optional, a schedules exam will produce persons you
+have never seen before.
+%
+Just because your doctor has a name for your condition
+doesn't mean he knows what it is.
+%
+The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the
+waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for
+your scheduled appointment.
+%
+Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
+%
+You never have the right number of pills left on the
+last day of a prescription.
+%
+The pills to be taken with meals will be the least
+appetizing ones.
+%
+Even water tastes bad when taken on doctors orders.
+%
+If your condition seems to be getting better, it's
+probably your doctor getting sick.
+%
+Beware of the physician who is great at getting
+out of trouble.
+%
+A drug is that substance which, when injected into a
+rat, will produce a scientific report.
+%
+Before ordering a test decide what you will do if it
+is 1) positive, or 2) negative.  If both answers are the
+same, don't do the test.
+%
+The radiologists' national flower is the hedge.
+%
+The feasibility of an operation is not the best
+indiciation for its performance.
+%
+A physician's ability is inversely proportional
+to his availability.
+%
+There are two kinds of adhesive tape: that which won't
+stay on and that which won't come off.
+%
+Everbody wants a pain shot at the same time.
+%
+Everybody who didn't want a pain shot when you were
+passing out pain shots wants one when you are passing
+out sleeping pills.
+%
+An alcoholic is a person who drinks more that his
+own physician.
+%
+Fools rush in -- and get the best seats.
+%
+At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from
+the aisle arrive last.
+%
+Exciting plays occur only whil you are watching the
+scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.
+%
+Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by
+firing the coach.
+%
+The wrong quarterback is the one that's in there.
+%
+A free agent is anything but.
+%
+Hockey is a game played by six good players and the
+home team.
+%
+Whatever can go to New York, will.
+%
+Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team,
+he fades.  Whenever your team trades away a usless
+no-name, he immediately rises to stardom.
+%
+Never leave hold of what you've got until you've
+got hold of something else.
+%
+A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or
+her opposition.
+%
+The only way to make up for being lost is to make
+record time while you are lost.
+%
+The amount of wind will vary inversely with the number
+and experience of the people you have on board.
+%
+No matter how strong the breeze when you leave the dock
+once you have reached the furthest point from port
+the wind will die.
+%
+The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing
+season draws nearer.
+%
+The least experienced fisherman always catches the
+biggest fish.
+%
+The more elaborate and costly the equipment, the greater
+the chance of having to stop at the fish market
+on the way home.
+%
+The worse your line is tangled, the better is the
+fishing around you.
+%
+The mountain gets steeper as you get closer.
+%
+The mountain looks closer that it is.
+%
+All trails have more uphill sections that they have
+level or downhill sections.
+%
+The one who leasts wants to play is the one who will win.
+%
+All things being equal, you lose.
+
+All things being in your favor, you still lose.
+%
+Win or lose, you lose.
+%
+No matter where you go, there you are!
+%
+It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
+%
+If everything is coming your way, you're in the
+wrong lane.
+%
+If you allow someone to get in front of you either:
+a. the car in front will be the last one over a
+   railroad crossing, and you will be stuck waiting
+   for a long, slow-moving train; or
+b. you both will have the same destination and the
+   other car will get the last parking space.
+%
+If you have to park six blocks away, you will find two
+new parking spaces right in front of the building
+entrance.
+%
+When you're not in a hurry, the traffic light will turn
+green as soon as your vehicle comes to a complete stop.
+%
+A car and a truck approaching each other on an otherwise
+deserted road will meet at the narrow bridge.
+%
+The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional
+to the length of the passing zone.
+%
+The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly
+in front of your eyes.
+%
+If you can get to the faulty part, you don't have the
+tool to get it off.
+%
+If you can get the faulty part off, the parts house
+will have it back-ordered.
+%
+If the faulty part is in stock, it didn't need replacing
+in the first place.
+%
+When the need arises, any tool or object closest to you
+becomes a hammer.
+%
+No matter how minor the task, you will inevitably end
+up covered with grease and motor oil.
+%
+When necessary, metric and inch tools can be used
+interchangeably.
+%
+Automotive engine reparing law:
+If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
+%
+If you lived here you'd be home now.
+%
+If it's good, they discontinue it.
+%
+It the shoe fits, it's ugly.
+%
+1.  If you like it, they don't have it in your size.
+2.  If you like it and it's in your size, it doesn't
+    fit anyway.
+3.  If you like it and it fits, you can't afford it.
+4.  If you like it, it fits and you can afford it, it
+    falls apart the first time you wear it.
+%
+The one you want is never the one on sale.
+%
+Anything labeled "new" and/or "improved" isn't.
+%
+The label "new" and/or "improved" means the price went up.
+%
+The label "all new," "completely new" or "great news"
+means the price went way way up.
+%
+If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet
+it's not $19.95.
+%
+ACF2 is a four letter word.
+%
+If only one price can be obtained for any quotation,
+the price will be unreasonable.
+%
+A 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will
+self-destruct on the 61st day.
+%
+The "consumer report" on the item will come out a week
+after you've made your purchase:
+
+  1.  The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable".
+  2.  The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy".
+%
+If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive
+your order.
+If you do write, you'll receive the merchandise before
+your angry letter reaches its destination.
+%
+The most important item in an order will no longer
+be available.
+%
+During the time an item is on back-order, it will be
+available cheaper and quicker from many other sources.
+%
+People will buy anthing that's one to a customer.
+%
+Security isn't.
+%
+Management can't.
+%
+Sale promotions don't.
+%
+Consumer assistance doesn't.
+%
+Workers won't.
+%
+Cleanliness is next to impossible.
+%
+Multiple-function gadgets will not perform any
+function adequately.
+%
+The more expensive the gadget, the less often you
+will use it.
+%
+The simpler the instruction (e.g. "press here"), the
+more difficult it will be to open the package.
+%
+In a family recipe you just discovered in an old book,
+the most vital measurement will be illegible.
+%
+Once a dish is fouled up. anything added to save it
+only makes it worse.
+%
+You are always complimented on the item which took the
+least effort to prepare.
+
+example:
+
+ If you make "duck a l'orange" you will be
+ complimented on the baked potato.
+%
+The one ingredient you made a special trip to the store
+to get will be the one thing your guest is allergic to.
+%
+The more time and energy you put into preparing a meal
+the greater the chance you guests will spend the entire
+meal discussing other meals they have had.
+%
+Souffles rise and cream whips only for the family and
+for guests you didn't really want to invite anyway.
+%
+The rotten egg will be the one you break into the
+cake batter.
+%
+Any cooking utensil placed in the dishwasher will be
+needed immediately thereafter for something else.
+%
+Any measuring utensil used for liquid ingredients will
+be needed immediately thereafter for dry ingredients.
+%
+Time spent consuming a meal is in inverse proportion
+to time spent preparing it.
+%
+Whatever it is, somebody will have had it for lunch.
+%
+If you're wondering if you took the meat out to
+thaw, you didn't.
+%
+If you're wondering if you left the coffee pot
+plugged in, you did.
+%
+If you're wondering if you need to stop and pick up
+bread and eggs on the way home, you do.
+%
+If you're wondering if you have enough money to take
+the family out to eat tonight, you don't.
+%
+The spot you are scrubbing on glassware is always on
+the other side.
+%
+Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
+%
+All break downs occur on the plumber's day off.
+%
+Cost of repair can be determined by multiplying the
+cost of your new coat by 1.75, or by multiplying the
+cost of a new washer by .75.
+%
+There is always more dirty laundry then clean laundry.
+%
+If it's clean, it isn't laundry.
+%
+A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
+%
+An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
+%
+Any child who chatters non-stop at home will adamantly
+refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate
+for an audience.
+%
+A shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public
+area to loudly demonstrate new acquired vocabulary.
+%
+The probablility of a cat eating its dinner has
+absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food
+placed before it.
+%
+The probability that a household pet will raise a fuss
+to go in or out is directly proportional to the number
+and importance of your dinner guests.
+%
+The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of
+junk food available.
+%
+If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe,
+there won't be any left by the time they are ripe.  If
+you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.
+%
+How long a minute is depends on which side of the
+bathroom door you're on.
+%
+The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely
+with its price and directly with its ugliness.
+%
+If you have watched a tv series only once, and you watch
+it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
+%
+If there are only 2 shows worth watching, they will be
+on together.
+%
+The only new tv show worth watching will be cancelled.
+%
+The tv show you've been looking forward to all week
+will be preempted.
+%
+Most people deserve each other.
+%
+Possessions increase to fill the space available for
+their storage.
+%
+When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal
+%
+1.  The telephone will ring when you are outside the
+    door, fumbling for your keys.
+
+2.  You will reach it just in time to hear the click
+    of the caller hanging up.
+%
+People to whom you are attracted invariably thing you
+remind them of someone else.
+%
+The one who snores will fall asleep first.
+%
+Never get excited about a blind date because of how
+it sounds over the phone.
+%
+The love letter you finally got the courage to send
+will be delayed in the mail long enough for you to
+make a fool of yourself in person.
+%
+Other people's romantic gestures seem novel and exciting.
+
+Your own romantic gestures seem fooolish and clumsy.
+%
+The length of a marriage is inversely proportional
+to the amount spent on the wedding.
+%
+   All probabilities are 50%. either a thing will
+   happen or it won't.
+
+   This is especially true when dealing with women.
+
+   Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
+%
+Sow your wild oats on saturday night - then on
+sunday pray for crop failure.
+%
+The probablility of meeting someone you know increases
+when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
+%
+If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember
+you - the next time he's in need.
+%
+Virtue is its own punishment.
+%
+If you do something right once, someone will ask
+you to do it again.
+%
+The one day you'd sell your soul for something,
+souls are a glut.
+%
+The scratch on the record is always through the song
+you like most.
+%
+Superiority is recessive.
+%
+Forgive and remember.
+%
+Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral
+or fattening.
+%
+Anything good in life either causes cancer in
+laboratory mice or is taxed beyond reality.
+%
+To err is human -- to blame it on someone else is
+even more human.
+%
+Whatever happens to you, it will previously have
+happened to everyone you know only more so.
+%
+He who laughs last -- probably didn't get the joke.
+%
+Don't worry over what other people are thinking about
+you. they're too busy worrying over what you are
+thinking about them.
+%
+In a bureaucratic hierarchy, the higher up the
+organization the less people appreciate murphy's law,
+the peter principle, etc.
+%
+Law expands in proportion to the resources available
+for its enforcement.
+%
+Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.
+%
+There are some things which are impossible to know -
+but it is impossible to know these things.
+%
+When we try to pick out anything by itself we find
+it hitched to everything else in the universe.
+%
+If one views his problem closely enough he will
+recoginize himself as part of the problem.
+%
+Anything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
+%
+Everything may be divided into as many parts as you please.
+%
+If several things that could have gone wrong have not
+gone wrong, it would have been ultimately beneficial
+for them to have gone wrong.
+%
+The quickest way to experiment with acupuncture is to
+try on a new shirt.
+%
+Absolutely nothing in the world is friendlier than
+a wet dog.
+%
+The severity of an itch is inversely proportional
+to the reach.
+%
+A hug is the perfect gift - one size fits all, and
+nobody minds if you exchange it.
+%
+The only game that can't be fixed is peek-a-boo.
+%
+Ignorance should be painful.
+%
+The first insurance agent was david -
+he gave goliath a piece of the rock.
+%
+King arthur ran the first knight club.
+%
+Magellan was the first strait man.
+%
+If you smile when everything goes wrong, you are
+either a nitwit or a repariman.
+%
+If it weren't for the opinion polls we'd never know
+what people are undecided about.
+%
+No news is... impossible.
+%
+Laugh and the world laughs with you. cry and ...
+you have to blow your nose.
+%
+A penny saved is ...not much.
+%
+He who marries for money...better be nice to his wife.
+%
+It's always darkest before ...daylight saving time.
+%
+If at first you don't succeed...get new batteries.
+%
+There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action.
+%
+Life is like an ice-cream cone:  You have to learn to
+lick it.
+%
+One place where you're sure to find the perfect
+driver is in the back seat.
+%
+Nothing is indestructible, with the possible exception
+of discount-priced fruitcakes.
+%
+How do they know no two snowflakes are alike.
+%
+How did they measure hail before the golf ball was invented.
+%
+To err is human, to forgive is divine --
+but to forget it altogether is humane.
+%
+"Watching a birdie" in hand is safer that watching
+one overhead.
+%
+The light at the end of the tunnel can be a helluva
+nuisance, espically if your're using the tunnel
+as a darkroom.
+%
+Never play leapfrog with a photo enlarger.
+%
+Never argue with an artist.
+%
+When in doubt, don't muble, overexpose...then mumble.
+%
+The light at the end of the tunnel really is a train.
+%
+A budget is saving quarters in a mason jar for
+christmas and spending them by easter.
+%
+A budget is spending $15.00 on gas to drive to a
+shopping mall to save $4.30 on a 20 pound turkey.
+%
+A budget is wondering why you should balance yours
+if the government can not balance theirs.
+%
+A budget is trying to figure out how the family next
+door is doing it.
+%
+A budget is a plan that falls apart when the plumber
+has to make an emergency visit.
+%
+A budget is trying to make $25.00 go as far today as
+it did when you were first married.
+%
+A budget is buying a dress two sizes too small because
+it was marked down.
+%
+You sure have to borrow a lot of money these days to
+be an average consumer.
+%
+He who dies with the most toys wins.
+%
+A fool and his money soon go partying.
+%
+If his IQ was any lower he'd be a plant.
+%
+Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
+%
+It is far better to do nothing that to do
+something efficiently.
+                        Siezbo
+%
+The man who has no more problems is out of the game.
+%
+The race goes not always to the swift, nor the battle
+to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
+%
+A fool and his money are invited places.
+%
+All things come to him whose name is on a mailing list.
+%
+The hand that rocks the craddle usually is attached
+to someone who isn't getting enough sleep.
+%
+After winning an argument with his wife,
+the wisest thing a man can do is apologize.
+%
+If opportunity came disguised as temptation,
+one knock would be enough.
+%
+If there was any justice in this world, people would
+occasionally be permitted to fly over pigeons.
+%
+Easy doesn't do it.
+%
+Most people want to be delivered from temptation but
+would like it to keep in touch.
+%
+When a distinguised scientist states something is possible,
+he is almost certainly right.  When he states that
+something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
+%
+Early to rise and early to bed makes a male
+healthy and wealthy and dead.
+%
+Everyone gets away with something.
+No one gets away with everything.
+%
+Remain silent about your intentions until you are sure
+*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
+*        Extensions as added by me, Jim Marshall
+*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
+%
+Calm down .... it is only ones and zeros.
+%
+Real programmers don't write Cobol.
+Cobol is for wimpy applications programmers.
+%
+I have not lost my mind, it is backed up on tape somewhere.
+%
+Real programmers do not document.
+Documentation is for simps who can't read listings or
+object code.
+%
+Real programmers don't write specs -- users should
+consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and
+take what they get.
+%
+Real programmers don't comment their code. if it is hard
+to write, it should be hard to understand.
+%
+Real programmers don't write apllications programs; they
+program right down on the bare metal.  Application
+programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.
+%
+Real programmers don't eat quiche.  In fact, real
+programmers don't know how to spell quiche.  They eat
+twinkies and szechwan food.
+%
+Real programmer's programs never work the first time. but
+if you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into
+working in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
+%
+Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for
+pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
+%
+Real programmers never work 9 to 5.  If any real
+programmers are around at 9 a.m., it's because they
+were up all night.
+%
+Real programmers don't write in basic.  Actually, no
+programmers write in basic after age 12.
+%
+Real programmers don't write in PL/1.  PL/1 is for
+programmers who can't decide whether to write in
+Cobol or Fortran.
+%
+Real programmers don't play tennis or any other sport
+that requires you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is
+ok, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work
+in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle
+of the machine room.
+%
+Real programmers don't write in Pascal, Bliss, or Ada, or
+any of those pinko computer science languages.  Strong
+typing is for people with weak memories.
+%
+On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
+%
+Hollerith got us into this hole mess!
+%
+No major project is ever installed on time, within budgets,
+with the same staff that started it.  Yours will not be the
+first.
+%
+When things are going well, something will go wrong.
+- when things just can't get any worse, they will.
+- when things appear to be going better you have overlooked
+  something.
+%
+If project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of
+change will exceed the rate of progress.
+%
+No system is ever completely debugged:  Attempts to debug
+a system will inevitably introduce new bugs that are even
+harder to find.
+%
+A carelessly planned project will take three times
+longer than expected; a carefully planned project will
+take only twice as long.
+%
+After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said
+than done
+%
+If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
+%
+Never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty, and the pig
+likes it!
+%
+Never argue with an idiot:  People watching may not be able
+to tell the difference.
+%
+Don't fight with a bear in his own cage.
+%
+The six steps of program management are:
+      1.  Wild enthusiasm
+      2.  Disenchantment
+      3.  Total confusion
+      4.  Search for guilty
+      5.  Punishment for the innocent
+      6.  Promotion of the non-participants
+%
+He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from
+the next freeway exit.
+%
+An expert doesn't know any more than you do.  He oe she is
+merely better organized and uses slides.
+%
+Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have
+to do it himself/herself.
+%
+You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to
+float on his back, you've really got something.
+%
+You win some, lose some, and some get rained out; but you
+gotta suit up for them all.
+%
+People are promoted not by what they can do, but what
+people think they can do.
+%
+Don't smoke in bed - the ashes on the floor might be your
+own.
diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0d33993
--- /dev/null
+++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
@@ -0,0 +1,26 @@
+%%$FreeBSD$
+You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
+%
+When you're up to your nose in shit,
+be sure to keep your mouth shut.
+%
+One's life tends to be like a beaver's,
+one dam thing after another.
+%
+Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
+%
+Old Scottish prayer:  O Lord, grant that we may always be
+right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
+%
+All probabilities are 50%: either a thing will
+happen or it won't.
+
+This is especially true when dealing with women.
+
+Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
+%
+Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on
+Sunday pray for crop failure.
+%
+Early to rise and early to bed makes a male
+healthy and wealthy and dead.